Welcome to the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast.

I'm Kate Moore Youssef and I'm a wellbeing and lifestyle coach, EFT practitioner, mum to four kids and passionate about helping more women to understand and accept their amazing ADHD brains.

After speaking to many women just like me and probably you, I know there is a need for more health and lifestyle support for women newly diagnosed with adhd.

In these conversations, you'll learn from insightful guests, hear new findings, and discover powerful perspectives and lifestyle tools to enable you to live your most fulfilled, calm and purposeful life wherever you are on your ADHD journey.

Here's today's episode.

So I wanted to give you a.

Little bit of an intro to today's episode and today we're talking about Emotional Freedom Technique, eft, or you may have heard it being referred to as tapping.

And we've got my teacher and mentor, Pearl Lopian on the podcast.

Now, Pearl has genuinely taught me mostly everything I know in this field and I'm so excited to have her on.

But I'm also very aware that many of you may not be familiar with tapping, you may not understand what it is, or you may have heard me talking about it, but actually just need a little bit more of a breakdown.

So EFT is short for Emotional Freedom Technique and it's tapping on different parts of your body, mostly on your face and upper body and your hands.

And these are different meridian points, acupressure points, and we're tapping on these to help bring up emotions and release them.

But it's also calming and regulating our nervous system, the amygdala, the fight or flight response.

And very often we use tapping to help release stuck trauma, to release negative emotions.

Now what I want to say is if you're struggling to kind of understand or even know where these meridian points are, what I would like to say is on my website I've got free resources and I've also got workshops that you can pay for and really understand and how you can bring EFT to help you maybe release your RSD to help release anxiety or to help your children with anxiety.

On my Vimeo account you can go and you can check out lots of free resources.

I'm going to put all of this in the show notes and you can use tapping to help you find more clarity, release your indecision and your self doubt.

And I see how calming and regulating it can be for an ADHD brain.

So here you go, here's the episode.

I really hope you enjoy it.

And as Always.

Please do drop me a message on Instagram.

Share it.

Really, you know, if anyone that you.

Feel that needs this, please do share it.

Here's today's episode.

I'm really delighted to invite my EFT trainer.

You've taught me, you've taken me through the ranks and I talk about EFT a huge amount.

And it's down to Pearl Lopez and my teacher who is on the podcast.

And we're going to be talking all things eft, tapping, understanding it.

Now let me give you a little bit of background information on Pearl.

So.

So Pearl is a psychotherapist and EFT master trainer and practitioner with over 15 years of experience and she specializes in EFT, commonly known as tapping.

And it's a proven set of techniques used to efficiently resolve emotional issues and their root causes.

Now, EFT combines elements of regular talk therapy, cbt, clinical hypnosis, nlp, emdr, acupressure techniques and mindfulness.

So it's a real mix and that's actually a really fantastic way of explaining it.

And I've talked about it on the podcast, but it's very effective for anxiety, trauma, self esteem, relationship issues, fertility, which is interesting.

Fears, chronic pain, phobias and lots more.

And also Pearl helps many mothers to clear their child's issue without having the child being physically present.

So we're going to talk about that as well.

So I just wanted to welcome you.

I'm delighted to be able to actually talk about EFT and tapping in more detail.

Welcome to the podcast.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you.

I had a look, I think it was in 2019 that you trained with me.

I remember, I remember it feels like a lifetime ago.

And that was way before my ADHD diagnosis, way before I understood why my brain was working the way it did and why I was prone to feeling anxious and worrying and overthinking and feeling like I needed something to help calm.

And I've talked about this a lot, that the EFT training really enabled me to find a tool to help calm and self regulate.

Obviously it's been incredibly helpful with clients, but I think initially I found it really, really helpful.

Can I ask, where did you begin your journey with tapping?

How did you find it?

Where did I find it?

I found it purely by chance, Purely by chance because I was known as being a little bit what I whether I use the word quirky.

I like alternatives and I'd learned Reiki.

I'd become a psychotherapist.

And then someone said to me, you've got to try this, you've got to try this.

And I went along and I tried.

And there was two things that happened that actually made me see how amazing it was.

One was just for a toothache.

It was for a toothache.

I just went along.

I decided I'm going to learn it for myself.

And my very, very first person I worked with, she said she had a toothache.

And I said, I've learned this thing that you can tap.

Like, when you think about it, how does it make sense?

Just tapping on these points can remove some physical pain.

But it did.

She tapped on the symptoms of her toothache.

And that is something that anyone can do when we have a physical ache or pain and get relief.

I did that.

And then the second thing that I did with Someday was working on a very, very painful traumatic memory that she was speaking about with me in a regular psychotherapy session.

And I said, I've come across this new technique.

Let's try it out.

And she spoke about a situation that had been bothering her, and she was in her 50s and been bothering her since a child.

And I said, as you talk about it, let's just tap together on these points.

And that's what she did.

And when she came the next week, she said, it's completely gone.

So I was completely blown away about this system that you can just do in a few minutes, regulate yourself, use it in therapy and do so much with it.

And you said all the different things that it takes, elements from all those different things.

There's so many ways that you can actually use it for yourself.

Yeah, I think that's what's really interesting, isn't it?

Is that we are understanding that, yes, there's energy, it's meridians.

We're utilizing the acupressure points that we've got in our body that have been identified for thousands of years.

But we're blending it with the Western modalities of understanding our brain, understanding how our neural pathways work, our nervous system.

And we're sort of blending it together with something that is really hard to explain and can look bizarre.

And when you start saying, oh, I do this tapping on my face, and then the memories kind of like disappear and.

Or lessens or the intensity of the memory or the trauma lessons.

It is hard, but whenever people have tried it, I always find that it's a very, very quite.

Not an extreme reaction, but they're blown away by how different they feel within just a few minutes.

Yeah.

Are you able to explain any of that?

I wish.

I wish I've probably after doing maybe 7,000 individual sessions.

My work, it's all anecdotal.

It's all anecdotal.

I think first of all, just tapping on the points is sending a calming message to the stress area of the brain.

So that's something that it's doing and what are we also noticing.

And that's more what happens in a therapy session.

We're changing our brainwave state.

So when we change our brainwave state, so the repetitive tapping on the points changes the brainwave state.

And when we change our brainwave states, we get in touch more with our subconscious areas.

And it gives us the ability to see what's really going on in our deeper mind and where our issues have come from.

And that's why we use it in therapy sessions as a retrieval technique, which is very different from anyone can do this any day to feel better.

So to do it any time to feel better.

It's just a matter of tuning into whatever's bothering us, then just gently doing some rounds.

Gently just going around the points, and that is calming the nervous system down.

But I have to be honest, I'm not medical.

My work is all anecdotal.

It's the results that I see.

And also I'm seeing how you can help a loved one by tuning into their energy system and helping them.

So we'll have an energy body that's living inside our physical body.

That's how we operate.

So when we're tapping, we're connecting to our energy body and something that we often don't think about it.

For example, before we started, we had a little bit of difficulty setting up our microphones.

Now I might have been getting a bit of hot and bothered from that.

So my body was responding to some thoughts.

So that's how our mind body system works.

We respond in our body to whatever we're thinking.

If I'm late for a meeting, I might get what something might start to feel inside me.

If I have an exam, I might start churning in my stomach.

So our body responds to what we're thinking.

And when we're tapping, we're interrupting that whole system.

System, yeah, that's what we're doing.

We're interrupting the mind body.

So instead of, you know, we like to talk mind body, but it's actually body mind.

Because if we can change how the thought sits in our body and the body feels calmer, the thoughts change.

So that's really what we're doing.

Because we have a circumstance.

We have a circumstance and then we have a feeling about a circumstance.

Whatever's going on in our lives.

We have thoughts and feelings about it.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

The way we feel about the circumstance starts to change.

And that is so empowering.

That is empowering.

So what I want to do is I want to give you this example.

I want to give you this example.

So I call a situation.

Imagine this block as a situation, and imagine this pen is you.

So the situation can either imprison you, push you down, grab you and you can't move, or you can get on top of the situation.

So what am I thinking that tapping is doing for us?

It's giving us movement and freedom, and that's why we call it emotional freedom techniques.

Situation might still be there and it might be hard like a block.

It might be really strong.

However, we can move around and the tapping kind of takes us from underneath to on top and we can start to feel better and we have a different perspective about the situation.

And that's the paradox.

That is the paradox that tapping.

And we do say negative words.

Then we tap.

We'll say, I'm angry, I'm angry, or whatever it is I'm feeling in a bad mood.

I'm not coping very well.

We give ourselves permission to articulate how we feel.

And the paradox is that the energy changes the thought.

The tapping changes how that thought feels in our body.

So tap, tap, tap.

A few rounds of saying, I'm angry, or a few rounds saying, I can't resist cake, something changes.

And that's the fascination.

Yeah, it is amazing.

And I mean, I always feel it like a release when I do the tapping and we tap on the negative.

And it is.

I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm annoyed, I'm hurt, I'm upset, whatever that is.

And we're tapping and we bring it all up and it kind of just feel like a bit of a purge.

And often that comes out with tears or yawning.

And we can sort of feel bodily release.

But it's also, like you said, if we're honing in, where we can feel that the tension in our shoulders or the tightness in our chest, we can feel it moving as well.

And that, I think, helps a lot of people understand that it is working.

This is stuck energy.

You know how you sort of said that the energy in our body, like, we.

We hold on to so much, don't we?

You don't even realize.

And I think with.

With ADHD especially, we hold on to a lot in our body and there's a.

There's a lot of Chronic pain and inflammation.

With adhd, a lot of people talk about they suffer with autoimmune issues, with back pain, jaw issues, you know, locked jaw.

And it's very much this sort of internalization of how they've been feeling for many years of not understanding why certain emotions, you know, come up, why they feel more sensitive or emotionally dysregulated or just where they've been holding on to a lot of stories and shame because they've not understood themselves.

So it contains in their body.

From very early on of understanding ADHD and eft, I have seen this connection that it's really effective because we've held onto so much without even understanding it.

The release actually is very powerful, especially old beliefs.

I know we've talked about this, you know, many times that EFT is fantastic for letting go of old stories, old beliefs, limiting beliefs about ourselves.

Can you tell us a little bit about some of the work that you do?

If someone comes to you and has this belief and it's a block and they're stuck, and it could be about business, it could be about relationships, food.

How does tapping work for that?

Do you know, it's fascinating because I hold a lot of groups and one of the groups I do is for people to attract success and abundance in their life.

So what we do is, and it's so interesting to see is when we tap together as a group and they start thinking about what happens in my body when I think about being really successful or having a lot of money or putting my name out there physically, physically something, we feel this disruption.

If I say I make a lot of money or I'm successful, I'm good at what I do.

And then when we get together as a group, we tune into what is the sensation in the body when I say that, and then we tap on it together.

And very, very often, because we're tuning into our subconscious memories and thoughts, where this comes from starts to show up.

And then we use more tapping to clear it.

So that's how I would use it in a.

In a limited belief situation in a group.

Start to see that the story that we've made up about ourselves can start to change.

And we get such insights about ourselves.

Oh, I believe that because my mother said we're the kind of family who never do well or, oh, don't ever, don't ever put yourself out there.

Whatever it is, we're holding on to these thoughts and these stories that have been taken on.

And when we tap, they start to come to the surface and we can Release them.

That's the beauty of it.

And the beauty of it also is how quickly it works, how quickly we get to those hidden memories.

Yeah, that's it.

When you talk about the effectiveness, the efficiency.

And again, I think it's so aligned for the ADHD community because we're impatient, we want things done.

We don't want to have to sit.

We may have gone through years of therapy already, and because the therapist hasn't picked up on the neurodivergence, we've gone round and round and round in circles.

And then what happens is, with tapping, it feels quick.

It feels like, okay, we've addressed the root cause and we're able to kind of rewire and rewrite a new story.

And I think what you're saying about, you know, the group work as well, do you find that when you're tapping in a group, do you find that things move faster because of what's called in eft, the borrowing benefits?

Like how.

How do you sort of see things moving in a group?

I run lots of groups.

I run a group almost every day.

I have noticed that 10 minutes of group tapping will release things.

You could take an hour on a private session, and in a group, you can release things within.

Within 10 minutes of group tapping because there's a connection of the energy.

It multiplies.

We're working through different planes here.

When we talk about tapping, we're communicating on some in an area that's beyond verbal.

What's fascinating is you can even use other people's words and you start to feel better.

Because sometimes I've done groups where one person has got a pain in her leg, another person is angry with her sister, and another person is just talking about her daughter's messy bedroom.

And they all get relief, even tapping together.

Yeah.

So something's going on.

It's just.

It's fascinating.

And the more we do it, the more we like it.

There was something else I wanted to say before.

I'm also a kind of person who can't be still.

And I find when you're tapping, I like it because you're doing something doing of it that's really, really good.

I think, especially for aviation, I think I've got some elements of that myself.

And I know that the fact that we're doing something, it's not meditation.

It's not, let's sit still, let's breathe.

It's the doing.

It's the doing that appeals to us, and we're doing it and it's calming the system down.

When I Do my groups, I can sometimes just do even three minutes.

And I ask people to rate beforehand, 0 to 10, how anxious are they feeling?

And they'll can come round from a 9 to a 4, 5 minutes, 10 minutes in a group.

That's what's incredible.

And I mean, what.

Going back to what you said then, I mean, I am a firm believer in sort of like a collective consciousness of being able to use our energy and especially in this time of in the world where there's just so much hostility and awful trauma going on.

And I really believe that when we can direct consciously our energy.

And I think tapping is really, really good for that.

And I think that's why.

One of the reasons, again, it's not scientific, but if we're tapping in a group and we are all kind of like focusing on positivity or focusing on healing, I think it can be really effective.

Yes.

And listen, we always believe what we tell ourselves.

So talking to our subconscious, our subconscious is listening to what we're saying.

And tapping is getting it in.

Tapping is getting it in.

I wanted to speak a little bit about trauma because you brought up the subject, but I think it might be interesting also to understand how tapping does help trauma.

Yeah, let's do that.

Because if we think about elements, what happens when somebody gets traumatized, there's always going to be a shock, something when we think what does, what goes on.

When there's trauma, there's something unexpected happens.

And very often somebody feels powerless and isolated.

That's usually what's happening.

Now when we're tapping, we're actually doing the antidotes that we're offering the opposite.

Because if we think about the three things about when somebody's shocked, what's most important is to talk about it.

So we're tapping and we're doing the talking part.

We're doing the talking part.

The tapping is helping us connect.

So when we're working with somebody who's been traumatized and we tap with them, we're connecting with them on such a deep level.

This is what's also fascinating.

When you tap with somebody else, we connect so much more than just talking.

We're connecting really, really on a deep subconscious way so that person feels not so isolated anymore.

They don't feel so alone.

That's what the tapping can do.

And the other thing is it empowers.

It gives us the ability to see.

There is another way I can respond.

Respond.

It sets us free.

So it empowers the client so they don't feel that helpless feeling.

So Tapping for trauma is, I would say the best method to use.

Yeah, and listen, you're, you're in Israel right now and I know since October 7th you have been using every single day because I follow you, I'm on all your channels and you have non stop committed your time, volunteered hours to helping the victims of trauma.

And you know, being in Israel, every single person has been traumatized by what happened in October 7th.

Unfortunately, a lot of people have been closely connected.

There's so much going on with the conflict.

Tapping has been used around the world in war, in conflict.

I know in the Congo, I think it's been used.

People use it as like almost like a first port of call almost immediately to help stop the trauma from storing in the body.

And what have you noticed since using it so much since October 7th and I guess, yeah, compared to like other modalities.

So definitely you can use it as a, as a quick calm down method.

But the way I'm using, as you said, every day I'm running a group.

The whole idea is that we should balance our nervous system in relationship to what's been going on because nobody should have long term PTSD and nobody should have long term traumatization.

So if we deal with what's in front of us day by day by day, we're coping much better.

So when we get together in the group, we do this borrowing benefits group.

Some people will speak up and some people won't and then we just do.

Sometimes it's 20 minutes, sometimes it's half an hour to give people time to talk and to share.

Sometimes we don't say very much, sometimes we just see what's going on in our body.

Sometimes we may talk about emotions, but just doing the tapping together and people will rate their numbers from beginning, from 10 to zero.

They come down and they're so much calmer.

And then I would get messages that people are sleeping better, they're able to face things better.

The whole idea is whatever's going on, we want to think clearly and function as our best self and that's what we can do.

And I'm grateful that I've got the opportunity to help all the people.

At the moment there's over 500 people in that group that I'm able to help.

The people just feel good in their body, sleep better, feel calmer and also feel connected because again, one of one of the most important human basic needs is to feel connected more than anything else.

More than anything else.

That's what we need.

You know, I'm not Talking about food and shelter.

The next basic, basic need is to feel connected.

And meeting up as a group is helping us all to feel connected to each other, especially with what's going on in the outside world.

So here in Israel, where I am in Jerusalem, we all feel so connected.

And that sense of connection together with the tapping, you know, we call the tapping emotional WD40.

What does tapping do?

It loosens it loose, loosens those stuck thoughts.

So it takes the thoughts and it loosens them.

So we were applying our emotional WD40 together in a group and it's so empowering.

Hi.

So I'm just interrupting today's podcast because I wanted to let you know about some upcoming workshops that I've got opening in July, June and July, August actually.

So firstly, I want to let you know about my four session live.

Ask me anything.

Now, this is an opportunity for you to come on live, ask me questions, get some hot seat coaching, really to get some support, you know, whether it's before or after a diagnosis.

If you've got any burning questions, anything that you just wanted to ask my advice on or guidance, I'm there.

I can't wait to do this.

We've got the first one happening on the 27th of June, so that's literally next week.

And this is your opportunity just to come on, meet other like minded people.

You can either send me your question beforehand and I can answer it live, or you can come on on camera or you can just write in the chat.

Now remember that whenever we do these live sessions and you ask a question, that question is always going to be for someone else as well.

And you know, likewise, when someone else asks a question, they are going to always be asking for the collective.

And that is what I think is so powerful about this community.

We are all dealing with things maybe differently and just different circumstances, but very much with adhd we have a lot of common denominators and that is why I want to do these four sessions.

There's one in June, it's first one's June 27th.

We've got two in July and one in August.

So these will be recorded and you're able to really just come on and tap into my knowledge.

I really want to make this as supportive and affordable as possible.

And I just want to let you know about a free webinar I'm doing with my friend, my colleague, Adele Wimser.

She's an ADHD hormonal expert and what she doesn't know about hormones and ADHD is, you know, really is Second to none.

And this is happening on July 9th at 7pm and with the conversation that we're going to be having is about demystifying progesterone and adhd.

So we hear a lot about estrogen and perimenopause, but actually, can we understand the role of progesterone and perhaps the slightly negative reputation it's had, especially for those of us who considered ourselves progesterone sensitive and many of us with neurodivergent minds and nervous systems, we have very much felt that progesterone is sort of the antihero in our, in our story.

So this is happening on the 9th of July.

Now, I know that all this information is very overwhelming, so I'm going to just say go to my website, ADHD womenswellbeing.co.uk and you'll see on the homepage the two buttons and all the information is on there.

Now, back to today's episode.

What I'm hearing as well is that it can help build resilience because we can't control the outside world, but what we can control is how we react to them and how we can hopefully lessen some of the anxiety and boost a bit of our resilience and hopefully, like, feel empowered that we can get through that day.

And I know that tapping is incredibly effective at calming and stabilizing our nervous system, regulating.

And also when we, I think with ADHD especially, we're very prone to overthinking, ruminating, getting really stuck in our heads.

And like you said at the beginning, we are able to gain more perspective and that's a really hard thing to gain when we believe the thoughts are going on in our head.

So to have a way of creating some distance and some space for me was probably one of the most powerful things.

Like, I've used tapping in so many different circumstances.

Sometimes if I've had a really crazy day, the kids have been driving me mad, work's been hectic, rushing around.

I feel like I can't have, can't breathe.

I'll get in the shower and under the hot water and I'll just tap and I'll tap and something will shift.

I'll get out the shower five minutes later and I'll be like, I feel totally different about the whole day.

There'll be maybe more gratitude, like, thank God I've got my kids, thank God I'm working and thank God I'm able to have a busy life.

And I'll get in the shower thinking, I'm so stressed, I'm So overwhelmed.

And for me, that perspective shift has been probably the most powerful because I know that I'm prone to the negative thinking and the anxiety and I don't know what other modality would have helped me.

Maybe medication, I don't know.

But for me it's always.

And you know what's really interesting?

Sometimes I forget about tapping and I'll forget and I think maybe it's an ADHD thing and I forget that I even know it if I've not done it for about a week and I'll feeling so overwhelmed and frazzled and stressed and exhausted and all these things.

And then something will just pop in my head and go, try the tapping.

And I'll be like, oh, okay.

So it's always there?

Yes, yes, it's always there.

Some people like to do it first thing in the morning and don't always wait till you're feeling, you know, till your number's gone up.

Just do it anytime.

I also wanted to mention about surrogate tapping a little bit if that's okay, because I think it's fascinating to know that not only can you help yourself, you can also to help a loved one by tuning into them and thinking about them.

Okay, so let's break this down.

Let's just, you know, for someone that's literally listening to this right now and tapping is new to them, explain sort of very simplistically what, what would happen.

Can you do surrogate tapping on your own or does it have to be in a session?

Okay, so yes to all of this.

First of all, let's, let's define self help and therapy.

Now if I've, if I want to just do something small for day to day, I can do it myself.

If I need to do something much deeper, if it's a deeper issue than I myself would go and speak to somebody, that's for sure.

So as regards helping a loved one or a child, let me just give you some examples.

In the past couple of weeks, babies that cry less, children calmer at school.

So it's wonderful when the headmaster rings the parent up and say, I've noticed that Your son, your 11 year old son is much calmer at school now in the session with me.

And the child has no idea this is happening.

The mother tunes into her child and has this imaginary dialogue.

Now, as if in the same way that you'd work as your own client, we're talking to the child and the child becomes the client in our mind and we have a conversation with the child and the child feels the Energy, change.

Yeah, but they won't know it.

They won't know this.

They never know it.

They could be in a different country.

You know, you can work for your adult child, you can work for your spouse, your partner, if you want to do it for yourself.

This would be my suggestion.

You just tune into your child, you bring up a picture of them in your mind, and then just tap on yourself and acknowledging what you see without any judgment.

Without any judgment.

So, you know, I'm looking at you, and I can see that you're looking angry today.

And you just do a few rounds of saying that to your child in your mind as you're tapping.

You know, when I say in your mind, they're in your mind, but you can say the words aloud.

I'm looking at you, and I'm noticing that you're really, really angry today.

And I'm noticing that you're really, really angry.

And even though I'm seeing you really, really angry, I acknowledge how you feel and I send you love.

And you would say that very repetitively for about two or three minutes.

You will notice a difference.

Yeah, I'm doing one of my groups.

She said.

I said, bring up a picture of your daughter, that she's 17 and she's all over the place, ADHD, all over the place.

She's just running around the room.

That's what I can see.

I'm looking at you, and I can see you're running around the room, and I can see you're running around the room.

And I acknowledge your need to do that.

I acknowledge you're running around the room and I'm sending you love.

And I acknowledge your need to do that round and around and around for about three minutes, just very repetitively.

And then I said, and how is she looking now?

She goes, oh, she's stopped.

She's not running around the room anymore.

And then she reported back to me the next day to say that the daughter was much calmer.

Now, you want me to explain that?

I cannot.

I cannot.

Again, my work is anecdotal, and I could talk about this over and over again of different examples.

And that's what surrogate happen means.

You tune into a loved one, you talk about them, you tap on yourself.

Sometimes one needs to release trauma from a loved one because they can't do it themselves.

It's too painful.

And a mother and a spouse can do that.

So I know this works really well with things like nail biting, bed wetting, junk food eating, messy bedrooms.

I'm just thinking of lots of different things that I've seen it work really well for.

And what the underlying tone I always love about EFT is this sort of acceptance.

And, you know, when we tap on the, you know, we do the beginning statements.

It's, you know, traditionally, it's, you know, I love and accept myself and that love and accept myself and I send myself.

Love is always about.

We're just recognizing where you are right now, and we're just accepting it.

And, you know, kids just need that, don't they?

It's.

It's not easy for us as parents in the moment.

Like, we can be as reactive.

And if we're neurodivergent ourselves and we're parenting other kids who are neurodivergent, it can be really hard like this often, you know, a butt of heads and lots of emotion, lots of dysregulation.

And it's only when we get a bit of distance and a bit of space in saying a session, like a surrogate session with you where we can say, you know, I can see that you're biting your nails and I can see that it's really hard for you to stop.

And I'm sending you love.

And I've seen.

I did it with my daughter, actually, a few years ago, and I noticed a couple of weeks later, I didn't say anything, and I noticed that her cuticles and her nails were much better.

And I said to her, I said, I look at your beautiful nails and look at your cuticles.

She goes, oh, yeah.

I've tried really hard to not be picking them.

So it can be little things, can't it?

Just little shifts.

Yeah.

You know how you say you can't explain it?

I do believe there's this quantum energy.

This, you know, it can sort of be explained with quantum physics.

I'm not scientifically minded, but we know that energy is everywhere.

And if we're able to direct as a force of good and help and send love and acceptance to a child or a loved one, hopefully, you know, there's always going to be some positive shift.

Sure.

It's the idea also that when we're feeling a lack of something, so if we're feeling angry or fearful or whatever emotion we're feeling, it means there's a lack of something in that space.

So what are we doing?

We're filling it with love.

So when we say I send part, I send love to the part of me that's hurting or I love and accept myself anyway, the body is receiving love in that space, and then it doesn't need to have that anger anymore and it doesn't need to have the pain anymore.

So when we do it for ourselves or whether we do it surrogately for a loved one, it's telling them, you know, I'm looking at you and I love you anyway.

That's what a child needs to hear more than anything else.

And because we're tapping on ourselves at the same time.

If it's a mother, for example, the mother's calming herself down as she's tuning into her child because she's, she's still going to start feel better about it and she's taking the moment with me to step into that space to acknowledge the child and just get the connection with her.

And quite often the relationships really have a massive shift because she starts to see the child.

The child's only doing the best they, they can and they have that ability to see that.

But I love, love the idea that sending love to the parts of us that hurt is the healing.

And just by saying it, even if we don't believe it, say, and you know, I would encourage everyone to say I love and accept myself anyway.

Even if we don't believe it, our body needs to hear those words.

So that's the important thing.

Let the body hear those words.

They may never have heard them before.

Like if you've had a parent that was not emotionally connected or dysfunctional, there may have been, you know, neurodivergence going on that we didn't even know about and we've never heard those words then like you say, we need to hear it.

And I wanted to sort of move that on to inner child work as well because I know that EFT is really helpful in healing the younger version of us.

And you know, you've taught me beautifully and I've used it a lot and I've seen how healing it can be for the version of us to go back to the eight year old version of us who didn't get the care or the love or this, something happened in that situation and we go back and heal.

And how that then comes back to the present version of us and impacts, you know, us for the rest of our life.

It's, it's just beautiful because sometimes we need to go, for example, say to the seven year old child within us that's hurting and we go and help that child understand herself even so much more.

Especially you know, when children are being told, sit still, be still, you know, and we can't, we're giving back all of that to them in that memory.

And filling that space so that then they feel better, they feel connected and we're connecting to our own inner child.

So again, we're giving love to our inner child.

We're connecting to our inner child where sometimes we've got to take away the shock of something that happened.

And once the inner child inside of us feels better, then we can live much more in the moment.

I mean, that's what we want to do is whatever's going on in our lives, we want to feel in the moment and have healthy responses and accept ourselves because none of us are perfect.

So we want to accept all parts of us.

And I always think like guilt, shame, self judgment are a route to nowhere.

And I would banish them.

We banish, we banish any guilt, we banish any self judgment, we banish shame because there's no, there's no plus side to having.

It doesn't serve us in any way.

And we're able to do that with the tapping.

I think what happens is the minute someone tries it and they really resonate with it, they think, I want to learn how to do this.

But we can use this very simply.

I know you've got videos.

I've got videos, like you say every morning.

It's just part of our, you know, the morning routine.

If, you know, you don't kind of align with meditation of sort of sitting there, the tapping, and maybe visualizing how you want your day to go of, you know, closing your eyes, tapping and just sort of seeing the day going calmly and everything kind of just falling into place and accepting where you are right now.

You know, with your day, there's just so many different.

That's what I love about it.

It's so flexible.

I'm wondering if it would be helpful if I give two suggestions for people so you've got something to go away with.

So there's two things that I think would be useful to do.

So.

One is tune into how you feel, rate it 0 to 10.

0 is always the calmest and 10 is the worst.

And then, you know, why don't we just go around the points and I'll just show you just by tapping very, very gently on each point.

And there's the eyebrow points, I'm going to name the points as I go around the eyebrow points.

And then you can spend maybe 10 to 15 times on each point.

So if you're doing it silently, I would be quite slow with the tapping.

And then side of the eye, 10 to 15 times on each point and then under the eye very gently, very Very gently, then under the nose.

And I would say go round maybe two or three times, not more than three or four minutes.

That's it.

And then the chin point, and then we come down to the collarbone point.

Just very, very gently.

And it's a doing thing, as I said.

Again, it's a doing thing.

We're not being still, we're doing.

We can do it with breath work as well.

We can just take nice breaths while we're doing it.

And we're trusting the tapping to hit the mark, and then the underarm point, which is just about 3 inches below the armpit, and then the top of the head point, and then you can just keep going around.

So that would be one thing we would do.

And then we take a breath in and blow it out.

And then you measure where you're up to and then you repeat as necessary.

So that's one thing you could do.

The other thing is have a rant as you tap.

So just say exactly how you feel.

So I'm feeling in a bad mood today.

I'm not.

I'm not liking how my day is going and I'm feeling, or whatever it is I'm feeling.

Just go around and let yourself say whatever, because I promise you, you will not make yourself worse by saying it and tuning into how you feel.

You do not feel worse.

You'll feel better.

So whether I'm angry, I'm upset, name the feelings, say the feelings, give yourself permission to say whatever you like.

Go around the points a few times saying how you feel and then just checking in afterwards.

And that is so simple.

And it's at your fingertips.

Yeah, fingertips.

You can do as you know, as you know.

I love that one.

That's one of my favorite ones.

Because what happens is it could be two rounds, it could be four rounds, but eventually you'll be like, oh, I've run out of rants now.

And actually you kind of think, look at the person, you're ranting about the situation and you think, oh, actually, maybe they are doing the best that they can, or maybe it's not as bad.

Or I've got.

I could actually do this, or maybe I need to speak to that person and get some help.

I find it so resourceful.

It's like tapping into our inner resources, cleans all the muck, allows us to tap inwards.

I really, I literally how many years we are now, five years later, and I still rave about it because I've seen how it works and I see I've done it with my kids.

I'VE done it, you know, with all my daughters for different reasons, and they see it works as well.

And their kids are the most cynical.

And as they get older, teenagers are the hardest ones.

But when the.

You crack a teenager or you crack a man, I mean, I don't want to generalize, but.

But that.

It can be.

It can be really, really amazing.

The last thing I wanted to talk to you about because you, you taught me this as well, and I've shown this to a lot of people, is the.

The touch and hold.

So we're not.

We're not actually tapping, we're just holding.

And I do.

I do this where I'm holding on, touching, touch and breathe, touch and breathe.

And I breathe and I hold and I go round and again.

That's just really calming.

Yeah, yeah.

So just touching each point.

But I like to start off first of all by crossing hands over chest.

So I do that first and the breath out.

And when it comes to touch and breathe, I like to do two rounds.

We like to do two rounds.

So we're touching each point, breathing in, holding it and blowing out and doing that on each point, breathing in, holding it, and breathing out.

And the breath out is more important because it's the breathing out.

When we're breathing out, we're emptying, and when we're emptying, we get quiet inside.

And I think it's a mistake that we make.

Sometimes we think it's not good to be quiet inside.

I would say the quieter we are inside, the more resourceful we are and the more in control we are and the better we feel.

You know, our aim is always to have, as you were describing before, you were describing what we call a cognitive shift, which means the relationship to whatever's bothering us changes.

The relationship to the thought changes.

So where's the thoughts gripping us?

Then we get this shift in our cognition.

We see it differently.

And sometimes just doing the touch and breathe will allow us to see it differently.

You know, that's a third way.

So we can do the silent tapping, we can do the rant and tapping, or we do the touch and breathe, which is just going around each point.

Yeah, breathing in and end off again.

It's so, so helpful.

I mean, to finish off.

I know you train teachers, you've gone into schools.

I know that doctors are now starting to recognize it.

Midwives I've worked with, you know, helping with labor.

Post traumatic stress after a labor that's, you know, been very difficult.

There's just so many different ways.

I mean, I've Helped people, driving tests, job interviews, doing something like a big workshop.

It's so flexible in so many different ways.

So tell people how they can find you if they want to work with you.

Like, how do you work?

Pearl.

So my name, Pearl.

Pearl Lopian.

You can actually just Google me, that's for a start.

You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, just put my name in.

My website is eft tappinginstitute.com and you'll find me.

You'll find me.

I'm out there.

I really love the fact that millions and millions of people are now knowing so much more about tapping.

Back in the day, after 15, 16 years, when I used to have to explain myself, don't have to do that anymore.

It's nice to know that people are realizing how amazing it is.

And I'm teaching more and more people how to use it for trauma.

That is, you know, unfortunately, that's what's big in Israel at the moment.

And more and more people are learning how to use this to release trauma because it's in the moment as well as for the past.

So it's so versatile.

It's got everything.

It's a blend of the talk therapy.

It's talking.

We need to talk.

We need to tell our story, we need people to hear.

So we're doing that.

But just talking about the story doesn't make it go away.

Talking and tapping about it makes it go away.

Yeah.

So it's a spectrum.

You're able to use it from trauma to what you were talking about, attracting, abundance and manifestation.

And that's what's beautiful about it because it can be used in so many different scenarios.

And you have been, you know, you've been pivotal in my journey, Pearl, and many other people's journeys.

And, you know, what you've contributed over the past sort of seven months now has been, you know, huge.

And, yeah, I just want to thank you for everything that you do.

And I'll send.

I'll put all the details in the podcast episode show notes so people will find you.

Thank you so much.

Starting.

I am starting.

It will be every two weeks.

We'll be doing borrowing benefits groups.

So that will be on a Tuesday at 4:30.

Okay.

So if people want to get in touch with you about some of the.

Group work, to join the group, that's.

I'd be delighted.

Okay, perfect.

I think people will find that, as you say, borrowing benefits work so fast.

So it'll be fascinating.

And one of the meetings will be for general stress, and the other one will be for Surrogate it fantastic.

Well, thank you and we'll speak very soon.

Thank you very, very much.

I really hope you enjoyed this week's episode.

If you did and it resonated with you, I would absolutely love it if you could share on your platforms or maybe leave a review and a rating wherever you listen to your podcasts.

And please do check out my website, adhdwomenswellbeing.co.uk for lots of free resources and paid for workshops.

I'm uploading new things all the time and I would absolutely love to see you there.

Take care and see you for the next episode.