Hello listeners and welcome back to The Science of Self, where you improve your life from the inside out. We have another guest with us today. I'm excited to introduce to you, Robin, Nathaniel. Tell us about you. Introduce yourself and let our listeners get to know you.

Russell, thank you so much. Really excited to be on the show. Really I start off by saying I'm a two time dad. Like, that's my, like, my crowning achievement is being a two time dad. One of the most rewarding exper experiences in my life is being a dad. I have a 15-year-old and a 6-year-old at the time of recording this, and also, uh, uh, a loyal and dedicated husband I am a social media strategist. I have a specific focus around human connection online, and sometimes those two concepts kind of clash when you think about social media and human connection, but that's a large part of my work. That's what my book is about, and giving folks the tools and frameworks to really build those authentic and intentional human connections online. So I started my career back in the early two thousands when social media was brand new. and now to see where we are today. We're, right now we have 5.3 billion active users on social media. So essentially a huge percentage of the world's population is active on social media. So where many companies, brands, coaches, strategists, might look at it as just an opportunity to get some kind of financial return. I look at it as an opportunity to build intentional human connections, So I really am focused in on this work because I see so much value in it, and a lot of it has to do with my journey as a TEDx speaker. Having to kind of unpack some of my dirty laundry, if you will, and sharing it publicly with the world kind of gave me a new perspective on how we can leverage the power of social media.

when you call yourself a TEDx speaker, what does that mean? Other than you've done a presentation, um, you've made a speech, but what is actually a TEDx speaker? What is the organization, um, what does it take? To call yourself a TEDx speaker.

So TEDx is the local chapters of ted. So TED is a organization that is about sharing ideas, you know, worldwide. when they started, more people wanted to organize TED events. So they created this division of ted, essentially called TEDx. And honestly, in, in, you know, in the world today, TEDx is just as influential as ted. They are aligned, it's a part of the, the company, but they're operated by local managers license managers, if you will. So what does it take to let, to, to become a TEDx speaker is pretty much getting selected. And then landing the talk. So I come from the a, a musical background. For many years I did hip hop music and I, I found that it wasn't necessarily about me getting on stage and like performing as much as me getting on stages to share messages, to share ideas, to help people, to influence people. And when I found public speaking, I knew that I wanted to land. I. A TEDx talk and in the speaking world, many would refer to TEDx as the Super Bowl of public speaking. So landing a TED TEDx talk helps you to open doors in other areas and for me to impact more people. I went to my first ever concert, which was a Wu-Tang Clan concert. I was 15 years old. You had to be 21 to get in the club. So somehow I had gotten my 15-year-old self into this club to see Wu-Tang Clans first ever club tour. And I was Russell, I must have been 10 feet from the stage. And it blew my mind. On the way back home, I set a couple of rhymes in the car to my friends. They did the, the, the classic. Oh, he said, oh my gosh. Right? And it gave me the confidence. And from there I went all in on my career.

How do you compare New York to Atlanta? That's a tough question. I know, but what was your, when you moved down from New York, uh, to Atlanta, I'm just wondering if you had the same mindset that I did coming from Chicago.

I have two kids, a wife, you know, we, we were pandemic transplants Russell. So we, we as we used the pandemic as an escape hatch to get our kids outta New York City for a brighter future. So when I arrived down here, I had kind of had that mentality of like, woo, we made it out of that, you know, that mess. And to give you a little more context, when we were in New York City, we were in Forest Hills, Queens, very close to Corona, Queens. This is the epicenter of the pandemic. So there were literally. Um, trailers, truck trailers, with bodies in them, three blocks from my house. So we were in this space of like, is it the end of the world? Like, like what do we, how do we keep our kids safe? So I think when I got down here, I just felt a, a sense of safety, a sense of peace. And even today, I joke with my friends. I have a friend who sent me a text that he's coming down from New York to visit, and I'm like, well, I won't be coming to visit you. So you, you could come down. I don't, I don't need a 24 hour bodega. I don't need, you know, I don't need any of the lights, I don't need the Empire State Building. All I need is my backyard. We literally, Russell have like rabbits and deers like walking through our backyard in these suburbs. It's like fricking Disneyland. Like, I'm like, I'm, I'm at peace and I have no need to, to go back to, um, to New York.

expand a little bit on, on why you contacted me, why you wanted to be on this podcast in particular, and, and what that brings to our listeners.

I, I mentioned earlier, like sharing my dirty laundry on the TEDx stage, and that's something that do before. Russell. I, I didn't share all of what I call the muddle my boots because didn't wanna mess up anybody's carpet, right? I don't want to come into your world and bring my mess. But what I realized in my journey is that the more of my mess that I share, the more people that I impact. So for example my parents were immigrants, right? So we grew I grew up in New York City, clueless to my socioeconomic status. I was just a little kid living in. One of the roughest times in New York City in the mid eighties. So when I share you know, my background with folks and the things that I've been through, it always starts a conversation that, or often I should say, starts a conversation that leads to a season of their life that they can relate to my story, and that's why I wanted to be a part of this podcast.

Do you wanna give us a, a little more about your book?

I'll quickly break down the framework for you. So, so S is for simple. Often online people wanna show up, and this is in the conference room too. Wherever people are doing business or or operating, even in the church, right? It may be even in your community, people complicate messages that sound smart. So it's like, you know, whatever they need to do. It could be a simple dish, but they'll break it down very complicated to show that they have more information. My challenge to that is that you simplify your message and make it easier for people to receive the message, then they're more likely to hold the message and hopefully put it into action. So s is for simple. Why might be my favorite one. Why is yield to your intentions? Right? Oftentimes on social media, folks are what they hear from the gurus, they're going according to what advice they're getting online as opposed to creating their own experience. So I would challenge folks where if people are saying, you gotta make videos, you gotta make videos, but you're really good at writing, it's okay to just write, you know, just, you know, go on a platform that appreciates writing. For example, LinkedIn is great for writing x Twitter, blue sky. These are great platforms for writing or even create your own personal blog on a, a platform like substack.

Robin, part of your material said you live by the motto, it talks about living by the motto, connect, create, contribute. Can you break that down into a personal application, what that means, um, how it can apply to our listeners?

So that came to mind for me while I was making a sandwich. So I'm in my kitchen making a sandwich, and at the time I was processing the, the loss of my older brother, Kevin, Nathaniel Gar rest his soul. He passed away in 2021 Russell, and when he passed away.

My condolences.

sir. It hit me like a ton of bricks, you know, and I've, I, I lost another brother in the early two thousands, and I also lost my mom in the mid nineties. Nothing hit like this. It was, when I describe it to people. It felt like my organs had been removed from my body, and I was literally just walking around hollow at the time I was working in a school. And I remember walking through the hallways of the school and I could almost hear the voices of the kids being turned down a couple of notches and all I could just hear and feel was my body moving it was empty. So I'm, I'm at making a sandwich during this And then it just hit me and I, and I told myself, I'm not making a sandwich. I'm creating, I'm not having a cup of coffee with my wife after this. I'm connecting. I'm not going to work when I leave the house. contributing. And those three Cs, when I re revisited this idea of doing an audit of my time, I changed it from being just an a time audit to a joy audit. How much, how many hours of my life are committed to these three things? And if they're parts of my life that I can't somehow connect to these three concepts, then something gotta go. So if I'm not creating, if I'm not connecting, and if I'm not contributing, I can't do it. And that's like my non-negotiable. Now, So whatever I'm doing, if I want to, I can just have a conversation with a higher power. And that could be connection as well. It could also be giving gratitude out loud to the universe or to, you know, whoever it is. So that's connecting. Like, you know what, I'm just so thankful for this opportunity to be here with Russell having this conversation. I could be running that in my head if we had a sound issue and you needed to get offline. So there are ways to get creative around it. I think going back to intention, if we're intentional about it, then we can. it all connect. But if we're just living life haplessly, just kind of like going through the motions, then you know, I think we're missing out in a huge opportunity in the time that we have here.

correct me if I'm wrong, if you don't know your inner. Purpose, your why If I dunno my deeper purpose, then I don't know what to create. I might not know how to connect or what the point of contributing is. Tie those together for us on a day-to-day basis. On a personal level, if you can.

I'll start by saying,

I,

that those concepts in my interviews and when I go around on, on this podcast tour, they rarely get brought together in the same segment. So I'm excited about that because, you know, the,

okay, great.

turn, I, I, I really look at my work as like a big whiteboard with just a bunch of diagrams overlapping. It's quite mad scientist the way I think about it, but I'm super passionate about it. So I'll start by saying that it's hard for most folks to really identify what their purpose is. You know, I've been trying to figure that out for years, and I still am a work in progress. I, I, I believe that. My North Star is making sure that my children and my wife and the people that I love see me pursue something that I'm passionate about that will serve people, benefit people, and that I'm maniacally obsessed with it working. So I could impact people in a positive way.

If I can infer something from a 45 minute conversation. So far, I think the religion plays a, a large part in your life. Were you brought up in church? Do you, you, I assume you're still active in a church. Can you share some of that or are we off bound here?

started off in the Catholic church when I was probably in the first grade because my parents wanted to get me and my brother into a private school, my brother Kevin, that I spoke about earlier. So we went to a, uh, a private Catholic school for a couple of years. Then my mother and father split up and fast forward, my father remarried, uh, my stepmom, who I affectionately referred to as mommy, my mother, uh, who raised me from the time I was in the sixth grade right up until today. She just turned 90 years old a couple of days ago. So love her. Grateful for her. She took me to church early and she had me singing in the choir. She had me going to Sunday school. She had me going to revival. If folks don't know what revival like.

No, not anymore.

It's like, it's like night Church. And I'll share a quick story. This is a a church where people will catch the Holy Ghost and Holy Spirit. And we were at revival in line one time waiting to get touched by this visiting pastor. And when the visiting pastor touched her head, Russell, you would fall on the floor and essentially have a seizure. And I was like in line with my dad and my cousin. They were behind me. Before I know it, I look around, my cousin went to sit down. So I'm getting closer in the line. I'm probably about four or five people away. I turn around. My dad went to go sit down and now I'm like two, two, maybe one more person up. And I had to take the longest walk of shame that I was afraid to allow this pastor to touch my head. So that's my early experiences with church. As I grew older, I. I realized that many, especially in the Christian faith, there were a lot of barriers in terms of an inclusive environment at church. And that always kind of made me a little icky. Like I, I love church. I, I love God. I, I believe in Jesus, all of the things, but I didn't like that part that we would hit people with the whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, you're not us, you're going to hell. And I was like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna be a part of that, right? So I kind of disconnected from the Christian faith for many years and just focus on my spirituality. And then as I got older and had a family, I wanted my kids to have a good experience with church. So I researched churches that had good youth programs and we found the church that we love and, and my wife who. disconnected from her faith for many years. Came back to her faith. She's actually volunteering at the church. My son is going on a retreat to Daytona with a, with a like a thousand high school church fanatics, you know, and my daughter also at six loves her church experience.

If you could give our listeners, a handful of books that they, that it would be your top recommended reading books are there, do you have three or four on the top of your head that you would strongly recommend that most anybody should read and be familiar with?

I would say Rick Warren's book, A Purpose-Driven Life was huge for me because at the stage and season of life that I was in, I was reaching for purpose. And my wife, she has this amazing quote, it's this again, simplicity, right? S is for simple. It's the, it's super simple, but it like, it kind of like my, my journey to like, identify my purpose. And she said. B she said, I'm sorry. She said, do what you are, what you are. So at the time I was like having this huge transition in my career and trying to identify purpose, and she helped me with that, that quote, do what you are. Rick Warren's book would be one, and I'm, I'm kind of a marketing geek, so most of the stuff that I read is like nonfiction marketing books. Seth Golden, this is marketing is one of my faves. It's something that I refer back to Tribes by Seth Golden is another go-to, and most recently I've been reading. Day Trading Attention by Gary Vanerchuk. Those are the ones that I'm reading right now, but I think Rick Warren's book for PO Folks who are seeking some Purpose, or even if you've read it before and you wanna revisit it with maybe some of the frameworks that I talked about in mind, I think it, it could be fun too.

What would you list as some of the fundamental habits on a day-to-day basis that keep you centered?

So the first thing that came to mind on this one, Russell, is connect, right? So I wanna make sure I connect with. People who are important in my life. So one practice that I put into place is making sure that I connect with the people that I love every day, whether they live close or they live far away. Sometimes it's my son. Sometimes I'll just call my son who might be at home playing video games. I'm like, Hey, just checking in on you. You know, want to see did you eat, you know, but specifically, if you have elderly family members, grandma, great grandma, elderly parents, check in on them daily because you have no idea how far that goes for them. It's, it's a big deal for them that you're calling consistently and also it will feed your soul. So that's the first thing. another thing I try to do daily is like at least walk at the minimum. Make sure I have one of those smart watches that I'm documenting my steps. Try to get to 10,000 steps a day and make sure that I move. And then the last thing me that I really try to be intentional about is making sure that I am. Mindful on how I'm using my time online. So this trick that I have is when I open up my phone and I go to like, get into the internet or go into social media, go in with intention saying I want to have one takeaway. And after I get that takeaway, I'm shutting this puppy down.

I'm sure I missed a question that you would like to have been asked or possibly a, a point of information that I, that we didn't get to. So, however you wanna close out the podcast episode for us, feel free to to venture as far as you'd like.

Yeah. So I said, um, earlier that in the sync method Y was probably my favorite. And the reason is, is because I find it to be most practical of all of the pillars. So for example, if you go to Walmart or Target, wherever you shop, if you shop at one of those stores and you go through the checkout line, you, you're not going through the automatic one. You're going, you want to like let a human take care of you, right? And. If you think about it, you have the opportunity to be intentional to leave some kind of an impact on the cashier. It could be knowing she, she might seem frustrated with the, the guest before you, or you could just see a blank stare where she hasn't given anybody eye contact in the two people that were in front of you. You can intentionally say something to leave her with some kind of positive impact or value. It could be as something as simple as, Hey, thank you so much. I appreciate it. You have a blessed day. People don't get that, and I, and I think that what I would leave your audience with, no matter who the person is, no matter where, what arena of life you're in, your professional arena, your personal arena. Look at every interaction as an opportunity to leave the person that you connect with better off than they were before your conversation. And that, I think, will help you, you know, get the most out of life.