Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very delighted

to have Killeen sick candor. With me today. He's a spiritual

teacher, a man circle facilitator. And yeah, I

connected with him over Instagram and was so touched and

inspired by the posts and his work and the pictures that he

puts out there that I had to contact him and have him on the

show because I know what he's got to share is going to change

your life. I've never said that before on my interviews, but I

know that his work is so powerful and helps men to

reclaim their masculinity. We talk about warriorship King men

ship, and women can learn to trust men again, and to embrace

divine masculinity. Thank you so much for making the time for

being here with me for connecting with me sharing your

presence. Welcome to the show. Colleen Sikander. Thank you so

much. And that was a beautiful intro.

It makes it very excited to talk right now.

This is beautiful.

First, I would like to have you share a little bit about your

background, how you got interested in in the work that

you're doing right now because I feel a lot of people who

do this pressures work, nowaday had to go through some kind of

pain or suffering previously.

The more you share about this journey, the better the better.

People can relate. But you go as deep as feels comfortable for

you, of course,

of course.

And you're absolutely correct that my journey starts with lots

of pain and suffering, and wanting to go ahead and reclaim

my life reclaim my masculinity.

It started with, with me marrying a woman who has lived

the same fate that saying she was Catholic, I was brought up

in a Muslim household, and my parents agree with that

whatsoever. So they ended up disowning me. And I had no

contact with my parents, my brothers and my extended family.

And as I married her, I was also coming out of law school. So I

am a practicing attorney. And this was the recession area

United States and could not find any work. And she herself is a

is a doctor with divorce now. And her life had started and she

was starting her rotations at the hospital. But I was looking

for work. And I could not I could not find anything, I was

not making any money whatsoever. And some time goes by and my

best friend passed away.

He was the one who was my biggest support in my life

because I didn't have any family. And it just so happened

that two years earlier, another friend had passed away at the

age of 24. And this friend passed that 26. And as time

progressed, another person passed away. About a year and a

half later, two years, she ended up committing suicide, all my

friends that were closest to me. And now I was in a marriage with

no family with all my best friends, the SES. I was drinking

every single day, every single day just to numb and cope with

the world and not want to be part of this world whatsoever.

And things got so bad that I started being hospitalized for

depression for suicide attempts. And they ended up in partial

hospitalization program so that I don't actually get

hospitalized. But as I was in the partial hospitalization

program and opened up to them regarding my struggles, they

deemed me a risk. And since I was deemed a risk, and even

though I've not given them consent, or really what I said

was I will go to the hospital, but under my own terms, they

involuntarily admitted me into the hospital.

And once I got admitted involuntary in the hospital,

they diagnosed me with bipolar. That was the first time I ever

got that diagnosis. I really do not agree with that. And you

know, maybe we could discuss that later because I believe

that's a diagnosis that they give to everybody when they

cannot figure out what is going on. So I know there are many men

who are listening to this and they

have been given diagnosis and does not sit well with them. I

will tell you continue with doing the work that you're

doing, and maybe not rely on that diagnosis. And we'll talk

more about that.

I was in the hospital and look, I am an attorney, my logical

mind was still there. And I was in a point of danger and wanting

to get out of the hospital. And I was able to figure out within

a day and a half how to be released because they had the

Bill of Rights and everything. And I called the nurse that was

in charge of the,

of that floor. And they were like, we can't really keep you

here because

they didn't do they didn't follow proper procedures. Time

goes by my ex wife.

Still with me, she was like, claim you're not getting any

better. I have to divorce you. And qualities.

So my ex wife, she said that she has to divorce me. And I cycled

into even deeper depression.

And finally, what enough happening was that because I was

so depressed, I did lose the job that I finally ended up

requiring. I was on so many different medicines, I took a

whole bottle of Wellbutrin, drank all night long.

And found myself in the hospital for six days in critical care. I

even had slipped my wrists because I was ready to go I was

done with life.

And as I was in the hospital, they forgot to give me my

medicine.

Which turns out worked out in my favor because they were giving

me two different antidepressants, a ADHD

medication,

a anti psychotic, and I was already starting to get seizures

from all the medicines that they were giving me. So they had put

me on to anti seizure medicines. And as I get out of the

hospital,

I realize I'm actually fine and more clear than I've ever been.

Seizure caused me I ended up having a seizure by taking the

Wellbutrin caused me to lose a lot of memory and I was fussy,

but I started to feel emotions again.

And I ended up in Memphis, in the south of the United States,

with my parents, and I've taken my dog all the way across

country to. And remember I told you, they're very conservative,

they had come back into my life at that point. And they told me

clean, you cannot have the dog in the house.

So what I did was I was getting unemployment checks. And I knew

I had unemployment checks only for six months, I put them into

a daycare, which was very close to the house. And I use all my

money for that. And I had six months to go and heal myself.

So that is where I learned that I need to figure out what these

diagnoses are.

I started learning about meditation. I started learning

about neuro linguistic programming, and all these

different techniques and I started to bring that into my

life.

That's how things started changing.

Wow.

I am so touched that you share with us in such depth what

what your previous life, let's say look like because I feel

there was a moment where yeah, you started you you push the

reset button and you were able to start a new and now you're

out there empowering other men, other women and

you turn the situation around like 180 degree, right? You were

in pain you were suffering. Maybe you saw yourself as a

victim. And now you live in this beautiful energy of

of a king. I would say I want to say

this is truly touching and so inspiring. And I have goosebumps

all over and I'm sweating at the same time like this is crazy.

Can we talk about your journey now towards

feeling empowered again and empowering other men? Like did

you see something like besides your story that is very probably

driving you and

helping you to push forward and to find momentum.

At first, did you notice something in society that told

you that we need we need to make peace again, men and women need

to make peace

And men have to embrace masculinity again.

There

in the beginning, absolutely not.

So my turning point was at the age of 30, I'm 37 years of age,

I started realizing that I just did not enjoy life whatsoever.

Everything that I was taught everything that I was told to

do, it just didn't fit.

I, the marriage failed, because I was told that I don't love her

because I did not make money that really destroy me to be

told that my love is attach to money. And that is a big

masculine, kind of demand a prerogative of make money for

your family. That's how you're seen as, as a man. Also, I was

seen to, I used to be very fit before the marriage. And as time

went by, I started losing that too. I, you know, my body wasn't

strong anymore, I had gained a lot of weight. And that was just

not, you know, I didn't think masculinity was all about

physical appearance and providing money. So I had to

explore to explore what love is. But as time started going by I.

So I wanted to figure out how to heal what was going on with me,

why am I doing the things that I'm doing.

And I just did not have any purpose, I did not have any

spirituality in my life, and no direction, I felt absolutely

alone.

I reached out to the Bar Association. They're the ones

who monitor attorneys in New York State, and ask for help

from them, and didn't have anything for me.

I went to turn to the therapists, they sent me to

psychiatrists, and the over medicated me. I tried to turn to

my family. And they wanted me to do things their way. And I just

didn't fall into the religious dogma, you know, pray five times

a day fast, get married. And of course, the marriage is an

arranged marriage. Those were just not things that I enjoyed.

So for me, I, I wanted to know what did what is it that I'm

doing in this world, I started to realize that

I need to be driven, I need to have a purpose to be.

And as I found that purpose, I was like, Wow, I'm here to

serve. I'm here to be part of community. I'm here to enjoy

this world. And as I look back, I was like, But why? Why am I

doing the things that I'm doing? Turns out, my father never gave

me the tools to live in this world.

Nobody taught me other than how to make money or go get a

career, how to interact with women, how to raise children,

because he was not President, I went to boarding school. So he's

not the one who raised me.

Nobody ever nobody ever instilled any type of sense of,

you know, we are one being we are a community that we need to

cooperate. All those things were missing. And because I was

struggling, and I was so alone, I did not want anyone to go

through that did not want them to feel alone ever again and

realize that there are other brothers other men out there who

can step up and help them and guide them. So menstrual cycle

started was because I almost died. And I don't want anybody

else to go through that ever again.

Now, with the circles, we have men of varying ages, 18 years of

age in their 20s in their 40s, and even in their 50s All of

them have different issues going on. But one thing that is in

common is that they're looking for a healthy masculinity.

You're looking for support, they're looking for a safe place

to go to where they could express their emotions and not

be judged. Yeah, absolutely proud of what I have created.

You can be you can be because your work is going to affect the

whole globe.

Because it's so necessary, you know, when 2018 I think it was

when when the me to movement started. Yeah, I felt relief at

first, because I was also

I'm very hurt and physically abused by a man in the past. And

I thought, yeah, this is good that women come out and talk

about what happened to them. But afterwards,

there was a huge,

like, empty space filled with anger and resentment. Yes. And

now this pendulum has swung, if you say that in English, way too

far off, we are, and women are suffering.

And men are suffering even more. And we are only focusing on what

we don't want.

And we don't really know what we want, we are scared of what we

desire and want, because we still so traumatized, from from

our past, and from our ancestors and their pain. And

what I love about your work is that you are not in that space,

you are in the space of have this forward thinking and

acknowledging, accepting what has happened and not living in

denial.

But I'm digging the potential that is there already and

helping people see what is inside of themselves already.

And what they just have to be courageous enough to express and

show to the world. So you create a safe space for men. And I'm

sure like, you have saved so many men already from suicide

and depression and anxiety. And

it's just, yeah, like, I hope you receive all the recognition

that you deserve for this work.

I would like to dive a little deeper into warriorship and King

manship I feel that you made you made a distinction between those

two energies?

Can we talk about it, please? Sure. And yeah, we're going to

focus on The King and warrior we don't have time to talk on but

more.

But I'm gonna go ahead and say a true masculine man is a

benevolent king. And a benevolent King is a good

warrior, a positive mission and a great lover.

Oh, it came is all.

So there is a thing, consider a distinction between the warrior

and the king. Because a king is a warrior, but a warrior is not

necessarily a king. Yeah.

One big thing that I would like to say is that the warrior is

necessary. We have to develop these traits, the lover, the

magician and the warrior before we can enter our kingdom, become

the kings of our kingdom. And because of meaty movement,

because of the violence that men have committed, because of

Honestly, all the violence is because of men.

You know, they're the ones who are doing it's not the women who

they're the victims in this. So good men are turning away from

their restraint. They're turning away from physical activity, or

they don't want to seem to be seen as aggressors. But the fact

of the matter is the Warriors necessary, who is going to go

ahead and protect the kind, then the meat and the week, who's

going to take care of, you know, the children, the animals, this

planet, if we're going to go ahead and give up our

masculinity and not enter our entire warriorship we are not

going to break the cycle. You know, in fact, I am saying is to

come into your warrior shift, to be that warrior so we can

protect the people who need protection. And if you do it the

right way, if you do it it with conscious thought and kindness,

that warrior is there to defend not to destroy as a last resort,

and the warrior is also that part of you that is disciplined,

that has purpose and is driven is going to go far and exceed.

We need that in men.

Now, the King who is a warrior,

he loves his community.

He operates in such a way that the ego, the his own desires are

secondary to a higher purpose. You can go ahead and what have

your own desire your own ego and your wants and your needs. But

what you're trying to do is act in such a way that your whole

community benefits. You know it

To find also to be a king, you do not have to be do community

work, you can be a king within your small family in it, take

care of your spouse, take care of your children, do not abuse

them, love them, raise them properly. If that's all that a

king has, and that King energy is so beautiful combined with

the warrior, it's safe, it creates in a beautiful container

for the feminine to come into. And I would also want to remind

the men who are listening to this, we have feminine qualities

to colleagues that we want to express and enjoy creativity.

Kindness, we want to receive, we consider these feminine

qualities, but the fact of the matter is that we are both

masculine and feminine. And when you have a great masculine

container, it is very easy for the feminine to come out. And it

does not take away your masculinity whatsoever.

This is

a very powerful words and very beautifully described. And yeah,

easy to understand. And at the same time when I listened to

you, I feel Yeah, women have to step up. as well. A lot of women

are ego driven, and think they have to reject their femininity

now in order to be able to compete with men and to not be

suppressed and oppressed by men anymore.

I visited a women's cycle here in southern Alberta a couple

years ago. And I was shocked to hear that yeah, it was all about

self massage and meditation and passing like bathing in

essential oils. And at the end it was just about how angry they

all were about men and all the all the you know, resentment

feelings came up. And then the soaker was done and we all left

and, and I was like, Well, this is not like, this is not what I

saw what it's about. at Burning Man, though, I went to a women's

circle and at the same time, there was a man circle right in

the tent next to it and it was like, very primal and loud. And,

and with the women, it was very sensual and beautiful, and how

to receive the man and not take from the man and

it was so beautiful. But it made me realize that there's lots of

different kinds of views when it comes to those healing circles,

right and, and we have to pick and choose and we have to be

aware that it has to be a step towards each other and not

making the gap that is there already even bigger. Because

this is not going to serve us we need each other we have to come

back together and I feel you and I we see the Great Divide and

we're doing everything to to melt back together.

The time is running like usually when it's when it's a beautiful

engaging interview. I have one last question for you.

If we have listeners out there, it might be men by women who

have brothers or

a partner.

What would you recommend is

the couple steps that they could take in order to make peace with

themselves anymore in order to see Yeah, aggression is not

masculinity it is not. It has nothing to do with how you look

and with how aggressive you can be.

What would you say are like baby steps and then last point how

can people contact you reach out to you? And how can they find

man circles that you would recommend here and North

America?

A very good question and

he said baby steps.

There are baby steps because there are certain things that we

can do such as number one starting to take care of our

body. I know this is gonna sound so simple, but please hear me

out with this one. Remove alcohol.

It takes you into a huge depression and whatever you're

going through, it's just gonna make it worse. We do not need

alcohol in our life. I was I'm three years sober now I'm proud

to be sober. It really created some havoc in my life and that's

my first recommendation. Second is actually reduced caffeine

also

To decrease anxiety.

So please watch your caffeine consumption.

Third will also come with marijuana, I know I'm talking

about things that take you out of your mindset that will take

you out of your awareness of who you are. So be very conscious

about things you consume.

For checking your body, even or not, meditation is very, very

important. Just sit for a few minutes, sit by a tree, sit in a

comfortable place, sit with your thoughts, it's not about losing

all your thoughts. It's just becoming aware, aware of your

body. And

one more thing I would have to say is seek good, healthy,

masculine relationships.

friendships that support you that will challenge you to grow,

you know who they are, the things that I spoke about, that

you should cut out or reduce, they're going to be the men's

who are already doing so they're not going to go ahead and lead

you in a direction where you're going to be consuming something

that is going to take you out of your mind out of your body. So

find those men.

I will also say there's an expression, do not throw the

baby out with the bathwater. Yeah.

If you enjoy lifting weights and martial arts, running, or you

enjoy just looking physically fit, please do so we need to

train our body and take care of so that helps release the

aggression and tension. And it is absolutely necessary to do

so. Right. So if you are backing away, because you're afraid that

you're going to lose control, you're not losing control, just

make a conscious decision that you're doing something because

you're enjoying it. But you don't have to go into the

violence of it. Look at the Shaolin monks, they are only

doing so so they could exercise their body and protect their

temples, just in case there was an attack. They're the most

peaceful monks that are out there, but they are experts,

martial artists. So there are so many things. And I guess the

other question was, how do you find them in circle?

Where r is in North America, right? So meetup will have many

circles, right? Go go and find

in your local meditation, crystal shop, something a little

bit even library, they most likely will have a men circle.

All right.

I think there are larger men's circles, which I'm not part of,

but mankind project is one that is popping up in my head.

What is the secret? Brotherhood?

Secret sons? Yeah, is another one. That's a big, big men

circle. Yeah. But I'm also gonna give you an invitation to reach

out to me. Yeah, you know, I really love that and see if I

can go ahead and get you connected with somebody who is

local in your area, I have started to connect with many men

from all over the world right now, all over the world. And

they have men circle that are in person and virtual, and many of

them are also free. So you know, do not hesitate to reach out to

them. And a lot of the circles offer scholarships and help and

these are brothers that are trying to help and if you're

alone and you need somebody, we can we can help we can

absolutely help.

This is so beautiful. And yeah, what comes to mind when you talk

about the exercising is to have the right intention. Right not

do it for the wrong reason. And if you have the right intention,

if it is self care, then it is the right way and with

everything it is with food with alcohol, we said we cut out but

also relating to women. Yeah. Do you just want to you know,

dominate someone and oppress someone? Or do you want to make

a connection between you and a woman and vice versa? Like

intention is a big thing.

A big takeaway from from this compensation with you here and

for women who listen, to also know that we can support our men

and encourage them not not, you know, tell him or join this man

circle. But when we sense that there's a tendency towards this

healing and reclaiming masculinity that we trust and

that we encourage it when the man wants to take self care and

it is not alcohol abuse. It is not like gambling or anything

but

If it's the intention to take care of themselves, that we give

him that space to give space for the man to heal, and to trust

that it's going to serve the whole community, if not more

people around, I feel that's very important to say too,

because women are sometimes Yeah, more inclined to have self

care time. And when it comes to men, we always expect a lot and

demand and when they are laying on the couch and reading we nag.

But to allow that space and to know that men need that just as

much as we need.

Kaeleen thank you so much for being here. And for sharing your

story with us and your wisdom, around reclaiming masculinity,

you are deeply appreciated. And yeah, I'm so happy to be

connected. And to be publishing this show here soon. Thank you

so much. This is such a pleasure, thank you.

Funny story here. As soon as we hung up,

we started talking and came up with more stuff we wanted to

talk about on the show. So we just extended here's part two of

the interview. Right? So you know, when you brought up the me

to movement, that was a that really create a tension between

the masculine and feminine. The teacher that I was with, and

what's what I've been in say was that I had been training in

spiritual studies for

who years now. Now, I'm the sort of at the age of 30. And now I'm

37 years of age, I'm still learning different modalities.

And I did take on a teacher, and I'm so grateful that he came

into my life. But there comes a time when you learn about

yourself, and you have to venture off especially if the

teacher is not clicking things in in will stop clicking with my

teacher.

The reason why I'm saying is because he was very angry about

the meaty movement. You know, we said we it was polarizing. When

that happened, a lot of women were angry, and they were

speaking up because a lot of violence was done against them.

But many men were like, now we can't be even men anymore. You

know, what is this? Every they're always unfair. The fact

the matter is that if you're acting from kindness and

consent, and you're, you're operating in a way that you're

supposed to operate, nobody's ever gonna go ahead and blame

you for doing anything. So wasn't that an opportunity to

learn and be like, How can I be better?

It was, it was an opportunity for dialogue with the men and

women. How can we conduct ourselves with each other? What

is it that you need? Where is it the fault lies? Many, many,

many, many men make mistakes, especially when they're under

the influence of alcohol? I bet you a lot of the these

violations occurred under influence of alcohol, well,

maybe that's a problem right there. You know, just because

you're drunk, that doesn't mean it is okay. So just you know,

you need to still control your behavior, you cannot just touch

somebody without their consent. And there could have been more

dialogue, they could, you know, with the older generation,

the older generation and the younger generation, because this

is an opportunity for me to teach the next people to the

next, you know, the children who are growing right now. And I

just think that we really, really need to reinvestigate

what has happened, and come together and figure out how

we're going to move forward. Yes, yeah. No, this is a very,

very important addition. And I'm so happy that you asked for an

extension here.

Because I feel the man who got really upset, like really angry

are the ones that kind of were on a wrong path. And this is

like, we're talking about violence, about rape. And you

say, Oh, now I can't be a man anymore. Yeah, so that means

that behavior was okay for you. That's actually what you're

saying. That's the translation that I'm getting here. And it is

exactly the men that needed to hear and see what is happening

when you behave off trail right.

And I really love that you brought that up because what

I've experienced is that a lot of men

started becoming

more aware and started asking these questions, hey, what do

men women really want? And how can we connect better?

And a lot of men were confused now. They didn't know. Okay, but

how can I talk to a woman now and, and I don't want to scare

her off, but I want to show her that I'm interested, I want to

impress her. But how do I not come off? Like a total creep and

a weirdo. And so there was so much going on. And what I, like

observed to this day is that, especially in North America,

when we talk about, let's say, catcalling, the women here are

so easily offended and are so I don't care if I'm going to lose

followers now. But as so

aggressive towards playful,

playful approach to connections, sensuality, intimacy, sexuality,

and I'm still trying to make sense of this. Because in

Europe, where I come from, from Germany from, from France,

it is very different. Like, we're very touchy people, kissy

people. And

catcalling. Yeah, when you, when you take a little care of your

body, it is the norm. It is on a daily, you know, and we find it

funny, we find we appreciate it. Sometimes we say hey, like, eff

off.

But is it it is part of a culture. And here I feel there's

so much aggression

towards men. And I want to understand like, are North

American men really such creepers? Are they such bad

people that they deserve that kind of treatment? And did I

miss read something?

Or is it women that are being too extreme, and we have to dial

down a little bit and relax a little more.

If you want to add to this, please do if you don't, if you

want to protect yourself?

I hear you. And you know, I am of a different mindset regarding

all these things. Because for me, we had talked about the

warrior king energy. Yes, when a man is in his masculinity, the

women come to him.

So these things, and it might sound advanced or weird, but

I've truly I'm telling you a true warrior. He is not

aggressive, but he is strong. And women flocked to him.

Because that's rare, is absolutely rare. So I don't care

about catcalling and playfulness and such because if you're

practicing your masculinity the proper way, you're getting

everything that you want.

Alright, I get it. You know, my focus when I teach classes when

I'm teaching my men, I don't even talk about the about women.

I talk about me, as a man, what are you going to do? How are you

going to improve yourself spiritually, physically,

mentally? And as you do? So all those things just fall into

place? It's a non issue. If you don't even think about it. It

just happens. Yeah, yeah. That's what I

I love that approach. Because I was focusing too much on the

what I don't want and what I see that is not going well. And you

pulled me out of this and show me Hey, you don't have to

impress you don't have to put on a show. If you are and your

true, you know, energy, if you are authentic, things are going

to flow towards you. And you don't have to do this whole

theater. And yeah, it's I don't know if you've ever been to

Europe, but it's still very entertaining when you observe

men and women there and lots of drama and, you know, lots of

playfulness. And yeah, I was missing that a little bit when I

moved to Canada initially. But, man, this was a beautiful

addition. That was

a big, big teaching for me as well. Is there anything you

would like to add? Because now we got plenty of time. But if

that's it, that's it. If there's something else

it's time to come together. That has been my message. We need

each other. We don't need this divide. The men are stepping up.

They are doing the work. The women need to have trust that

there

doing the work? No, the feminine is in trauma right now. I am so

sorry. I know I also don't represent every man. But as a

man, I have seen what has happened. And even though I am

not a violator, I feel it, I see it, I am observing it happening

around me, I do not agree with it. And if it is going to happen

around me, I'm going to do something about it as much as I

can.

There are many men like me, who feel the same way. And they will

never never allow this abuse and violation ever. And they want

all the feminine to just be joyful again, to not have to

worry about these things. And we're coming to you with respect

coming to you with partnership, and knowing that the masculine

and feminine needs to come together and do the work. And

that's it. Nobody is better than the other is equally as

important.

This was a beautiful closing to this episode. Thank you so much

for raising the hand that you wanted to add something I'm so

grateful for those additional 12 minutes here. I wish you a

wonderful rest of your day. And yeah, we stay connected and I

will make sure to have your contact in the show notes so

that people can reach out to you. Thank you so much.