The amount of effort needed to maintain a skill, which is where most people spend their whole lives, versus growing in a skill which takes a whole different set of tools.

Most people don't know the difference.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Dream Life Club podcast where we share insight and inspiration for creatives and entrepreneurs chasing a dream.

This is Sumi and if you don't know me, I built a 200 person company in D.C. and then decided to leave all of that behind to follow my dream of being a pop music artist in la.

Today I want to talk about the mindset shift needed to actually get better at something to grow in life.

Because we hear the buzzword of growth mindset a lot, but what does it actually look like in practice?

We can all know and understand the need for growth.

We can want growth, we can wish for growth.

We can look around and compare ourselves to people ahead of us in whatever field, whether it be fitness, playing piano, tennis, speaking, networking, writing, social media, anything.

But what does it actually take to get better at that thing that we want to get better at?

So, quick story time.

Last night I played here in la.

I played at what we call a writer's round, which is where artists go usually to test out new material.

It's really a supportive, warm environment, mostly filled with other creatives and artists and writers and it sort of has been inspired by and from Nashville culture because this happens a lot there and three artists share the stage.

Usually you're accompanying yourself on piano or guitar and just casually share a song and then the next.

It's called a round because you go in a round.

So each artist shares one song and it goes around three times usually.

So I played the piano and sung three original songs last night here in Hollywood and it was awesome.

Like it went really well.

I had so much fun.

It was interesting testing out those arrangements of the songs and it took me almost two years of deciding to learn piano to be able to do that.

Now I know that seems like a really, really long time, but the problem is it wasn't something I was focusing on.

And this leads me directly to my point about needing a specific mindset to actually get better at something as an adult to get better at something and good enough at something to be able to perform it in public in front of other people and what it actually takes.

Most people don't get better at anything by the time they're adults.

My general thoughts about this topic are that there are two ways of operating in life.

Most people operate in bucket A, which is wish and want to get Fit to play an instrument, to grow on social media, to grow a fan base, to.

To build a business, to create better relationships, to work on their marriage, to find a partner to like.

Any goal that we need growth to achieve, we want it, we wish for it, we look around.

But what does it take to make it happen?

Most people think we're doing enough.

Like, we all think we're doing enough.

Like, I was taking piano lessons for two years.

What it took me two years to finally be able to play out and accompany myself once.

Why?

Because the amount of effort needed to maintain a skill, which is where most people spend their whole lives, versus growing in a skill which takes a whole different set of tools.

Most people don't know the difference.

So I want to talk about that today because I actually don't hear anybody talking about this.

And I think this is like such a pivotal concept to learn and understand and embody in our bones.

So I'm gonna use, I wanna use fitness as an example.

Most people are working out, are eating, thinking they're eating right, and like still having a hard time getting in shape or feeling like they're not where they wanna be with their fitness.

Then there are the small percentage of people who decide to obsess over it, right?

They start tracking their macros, they start following a progressive weightlifting plan where they're continually challenging themselves and adding weight every week and working on plan.

And they don't give up.

They keep every day.

When they don't feel like going to the gym, they show up and go to the gym.

And they push harder than they've ever pushed before.

And people around them are like, what are you doing?

Why can't you enjoy this slice of pizza?

What are you doing?

Why can't you come out with us for wine night?

You, you have to go to the gym.

Can't you just skip one day?

Most people around them don't understand them, but then they'll look at that person two years later when they're completely transformed in their body and say, oh my God, how did you do that?

I want whatever you tell me your secret, right?

And well, the secret was what they were doing all along, which was that obsession, which was that, which was that extreme intention and focus.

I remember when my dad told me when I was an adult, I never did this experiment as a kid, but you can create a fire out of sunlight just by focusing the sunlight using a mirror and a lens and focusing on concentrating that sunlight into one small space specific tiny spot.

And if you can actually focus enough of that Light to create enough heat that a fire, you'll make a fire.

And it's that same concept that we need to actually get better at something.

And whatever it is that you're trying to get better at right now, I want you to like, think of what is it in your life?

For me, I know what it is.

It's.

I'm just, I'm using piano playing as the example, right?

And so what does that actually mean for me to get better at it now, speaking of piano playing, when I was in high school, I used to play the trumpet and Wynton Marsalis got to play on stage with Wynton Marsalis, actually.

And if you don't know who Wynton Marsalis is, he is like one of the most esteemed, recognized, respected trumpet players of all time.

And Wynton Marsalis has his famous, very famous 12 rules on how to get better, okay?

For musicians, athletes, or anyone who wants to get better at anything.

And these rules can literally be applied to anything that you have going on in your life right now that you want to get better at.

It doesn't matter.

So I'm going to go through them because they are keys.

They are keys that most people are probably missing.

Okay?

So rule number one, seek out instruction.

The first number of rules are probably things you've heard before, so I'm going to go through them a little faster and then focus on some specific ones that I want to dive into.

So rule number one, seek out instruction.

A teacher, a coach, a leader, a mentor.

Somebody there who's been where you are and can help you get where you want to go.

That is his rule number one.

It's.

It's so imperative.

Rule number two, write out a schedule.

Okay, that sounds very, very, very obvious.

Stick to your schedule.

Write out a schedule.

Know when you're going to be working on this thing and commit to it.

Stick to it.

Rule number three, set a goal that's self explanatory.

Rule number four, Concentrate.

I feel like we don't hear this word concentrate very much anymore.

I feel like that's like an old timey word, but it is so important.

Wynton Marsalis says you can do more in 10 minutes of focused practice than in an hour of sighing and moaning.

This means no video games, no television, no radio, and I'm gonna add no social media.

Just sitting still and working.

Concentrated effort takes practice too.

Concentrated effort takes practice too.

Isn't that interesting?

And so true.

We all know how hard it is to actually tune out distractions.

Focus and concentrate.

These days.

So that is rule number four, rule number five, and there's 12 of them.

Relax and practice slowly.

I love this because we're always in a rush.

We always want to get it right.

We always want to hurry up and get to the end result.

We're instant everything.

Relax and practice slowly.

It.

It says, take your time.

Don't rush through things.

Whenever you set out to learn something new, practicing scales, memorizing multiplication tables, verb tenses in Spanish, you need to start slowly and then build up speed.

Start slowly.

And for all my musicians listening, like, I love the exercise of working with the metronome and putting it on really slow, you know, and then getting it.

Getting it down really slow under our fingers and then increasing speed.

And it really applies to anything.

It applies to how we approach work.

It applies to going against culture today, where everything is instantaneous and AI generated.

To actually get better at something as a human, we need to do the opposite.

Okay, rule number six.

I love this rule.

Practice hard things longer.

Practice hard things longer.

Don't be afraid of confronting your inadequacies.

It says, spend more time practicing what you cannot do.

Successful practice means coming face to face with your shortcomings.

Don't be discouraged.

You'll get it eventually.

This is like something that, again, especially now, we all want to either prove that we already know things or get an instant, positive, like, outcome.

And taking the time to really dive into where we're not.

Where we're.

Where we're not good.

First of all, like, admitting that we're not good at something and then spending time there to get better, right?

Just practicing the hard parts longer.

It's so tempting to want to practice the easy parts and, you know, do what we know.

Goes for fitness, goes for music, goes for putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations, right?

Like, practice hard parts longer means if you don't like going to networking events, that means putting a networking event on your calendar once a week.

If that's.

If that's something you want to get better at, right?

Practice what you suck at.

Practice what you suck at.

I love it so much.

And yes, I'm a weirdo.

And I hope that if you're listening to this and you resonate, you're a weirdo too.

And we can be weird together because this.

Because it takes that attitude, it takes that specific mindset, right?

To be.

To achieve our dreams.

And this is what this whole community is about.

Okay?

Rule seven.

Practice with expression.

Okay.

This is such a cool one.

It makes me happy just reading it.

Practice with expression every day.

You walk around making yourself into.

Quote you.

This is straight from Wynton Marsalis's wyntonmarsalis.org Every day you walk around making yourself into you.

So do everything with the proper attitude.

Express your style through how you do what you do.

Oh, my gosh.

I could sit with this rule for like a month.

I want to read that one more time.

Practice with expression and try in your mind to apply this to what you are trying to get better at.

Every day you walk around making yourself into you.

So do everything with the proper attitude.

Express your style through how you do what you do.

Oh, I'm gonna do a whole podcast on that.

That one is brilliant.

Okay, Rule number eight.

Learn from your mistakes.

Okay?

Pick up.

Pick yourself up.

Analyze what went wrong and keep going.

Rule number nine, don't show off.

I love this one too.

It says, it's hard to resist showing off when you can do something well.

But my father told me, son, those who play for applause, play.

That's all they'll get.

When.

When you get caught up in doing the tricky stuff, you're just cheating yourself and your audience.

Ah, he means by tricky stuff, he means the stuff.

Stuff that is showing off, right?

If you're a singer, it's like you're really good at runs, and so you just like, add unnecessary runs all the time, right?

It's what people make fun of Christina Aguilera for.

It's just.

It's like, are we actually serving the song or are we just showing off?

Okay.

And especially when we're practicing.

Don't show off is such a good, such a good rule.

Okay.

Rule number 10, think for yourself.

Your success or failure at anything ultimately depends on your ability to solve problems.

So don't become a robot.

Oh, my God.

How amazing is this list right now?

Like, especially in this day and age where everybody is so reliant on robots.

Thinking for yourself is, this is what's gonna also keep our humanity alive.

Okay.

And it helps develop and improve our own power of judgment.

Like, I don't.

I don't know about you.

I don't wanna be reliant.

I wanna.

Yes, I know that we all are going to be using AI.

I think we have to be using AI.

But I don't want to lose, right?

My own sense of critical thinking, my own ability to have good judgment.

Like, let's cultivate that.

Think for ourselves.

Think for ourselves.

Rule number 11, be optimistic.

What an amazing rule to have in a list of practice rules.

Be optimistic.

It says optimism.

Optimism helps you get over your mistakes and go on to do better.

Right, Go on to do better.

This is why it's key to practice.

Our attitude is everything.

It also, it says, it also gives you endurance because having a positive attitude makes you feel that something great is always about to happen.

Oh, I know this is so basic and simple, but like it's blowing my mind right now.

Sometimes the most repeated statements are just the most powerful.

Like, because especially when said in these like old fashioned words, I feel like it has a bit.

It like brings me back to wow, okay, yeah, we've been hearing this our whole lives, but what does that really mean?

Be optimistic when you feel that something great is always about to happen.

Like, how can we take that into every day?

Like wake up in the morning and think, okay, what is about to happen today?

And it's going to be great.

And I'm so excited to see what's about to happen.

Or when we're practicing, like, you know, it makes, it takes me back to like when I was in college and I was working out like really hard problems and in hard classes.

And you sit there and you can't figure it out.

You can't figure out.

You think, you just don't know how to do it.

And then you keep looking at the page and you keep, you just make.

I have a few of these instances in my mind where I'm just keep on staring at the page, thinking, thinking, thinking.

And then suddenly I think of the solution and it's like, you just never know what you're gonna come up with.

You.

You never know.

Our minds are so powerful.

Our minds are so powerful.

And I feel like that optimism like gives us the patience and the courage to sit there long enough for something great to happen in this context.

So I love that.

Okay, and then last rule.

Last rule is brilliant.

Look for connections.

And by connections in this context, they mean patterns.

It says if you develop the discipline it takes to become good at something, that discipline will help you in whatever else you do.

The more you discover the relationships between things that at first seem different, the larger your world becomes.

In other words, the woodshed can open up a whole world of possibilities.

Oh my God, my mind is blown by this last rule.

I'm going to read it one more time.

Look for connections.

If you develop the discipline it takes to become good at something, that discipline will help you in whatever else you do.

The more you discover the relationships between things that at first seem different, the larger your world becomes.

Ah, okay.

I just got so happy reading that I actually think I Want to do, like, an entire podcast episode on each one of these rules.

That might be, like, a really, really, really fun series.

Send me a comment or a DM if you think that's a good idea.

Okay, so in conclusion, I want you all listening to decide on one thing that you actually want to get better at this year.

Like, what is it that you don't want to just keep maintaining your skill level at or being the same at?

Because, remember, it still takes effort to maintain, because the laws of the universe mean that if we're not growing, right, if we.

We actually need effort because we naturally will regress, we naturally will get.

Think about it in terms of fitness.

We'll.

If we don't do anything, we're getting weaker, right?

We're getting less fit.

We act just by doing nothing.

So doing nothing doesn't maintain.

You actually have to put effort in to just stay the same because of the toll that time takes on us, right?

And it's the same with any skill, right?

You have to practice just to stay the same.

Otherwise you'll get worse as time goes on.

But what do you want to actually get better at?

And we can't have too many of those things in our lives.

And I think it's realistic.

If you're.

If you feel like you've spent the last few years not getting better at anything, then just pick one thing.

Pick one thing.

I want to know what that is.

Would you please write a comment on this episode or send me a DM at Xosumix.

I'm on Xosumi X at all platforms.

Instagram, TikTok, Xosumex, and send me a DM.

Tell me what it is that you're gonna commit to getting better at this year.

And I think I'm gonna continue doing this series, diving deeper on these rules from the brilliant Wynton Marsalis.

Okay, everyone, thank you so much for being here today, and I'll talk to you next week.

Bye.