1 00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:04,440 Karen Kenney: Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:08,700 duper excited to be here today. If you're watching this, you 3 00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:11,280 might see that my hair is blowing around everywhere 4 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:14,160 because I got a fan going in the corner because it's hotter than 5 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:17,760 Hades up here in my office. We're in the middle of a heat 6 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:21,080 wave here in New Hampshire, and I just wanted to get this sucker 7 00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:23,960 done. So fingers crossed that my internet stays on, because it's 8 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:28,400 been going in and out, and it is just like, hot as shit, which I 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,160 love. Don't get me wrong, you might be able to see my face is 10 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,940 a little red. I just got out of the shower because I went for a 11 00:00:34,940 --> 00:00:39,500 little three mile walk outside. I wanted, I love the heat, love 12 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:42,280 the heat, but I also want to be smart. So anyways, here we are, 13 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,520 and we're back. We're going to talk about, we're going to talk 14 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:50,020 about this concept of safe enough. Now, this is something 15 00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:55,420 that I kind of created for myself, for my own brain, for my 16 00:00:55,480 --> 00:01:01,080 own ability to, like, calm the hook down, which we're going to 17 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:02,520 talk about a little bit 18 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:06,660 okay, like, what I mean by all of this. So the number one, 19 00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:10,260 you've heard me say this before on other episodes, the number 20 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:15,600 one question that our nervous systems are always asking. Okay, 21 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,540 so when I talk about nervous system, I'm particularly talking 22 00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:22,340 about, like, the autonomic nervous system, which is like 23 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,460 the sympathetic nervous system, which we'll talk about a little 24 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,980 bit in the parasympathetic nervous system. I'm going to 25 00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:31,940 keep this really, like pretty much basic, so that you can just 26 00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:35,660 get a a taste, like a sip, sip, as Linda Ty says, of what I'm 27 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:38,300 talking about, I don't need to make it super intricate for you 28 00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:41,560 to understand the essence of what what's on my hat in my mind 29 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,320 today, and hopefully it'll be helpful and valuable to you too. 30 00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:49,360 Number one question our nervous system is asking is, Am I safe? 31 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:56,080 Am I safe? Am I safe? Okay? So when we are picking up cues from 32 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:59,140 the world around us, and this started when we were wicked 33 00:01:59,140 --> 00:02:01,740 young, that's the thing with little kids and babies like 34 00:02:01,740 --> 00:02:04,860 little toddlers, little kids were, we were always kind of 35 00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:08,220 looking up at the adults around us, at the people around us, at 36 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:12,420 the environment, and trying to understand, like, is it safe? 37 00:02:12,420 --> 00:02:15,300 Here are these people safe, right? And this has a lot to do 38 00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:18,360 with how we end up creating relationships and attaching and 39 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,440 all these other things, like attaching to our moms, attaching 40 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,680 to our fathers, like in healthy and good ways. But we can also 41 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,860 end up having like these dysregulated attachment styles 42 00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:31,640 too, that they call although, for me, I just think that we 43 00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:34,580 were in the situations that we were in, and we probably, as 44 00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:37,520 children, did the best we could with what we had. So I don't 45 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:43,120 really like to label ourselves too much, but the nervous system 46 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:46,480 is either going to go into sympathetic response, which is 47 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,320 like that fight and flight, that like, oh shit, something's 48 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,380 wrong, right? We take a look at our environment or the people in 49 00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:56,920 it, or whatever, and we go into like, Oh my god. How do I want 50 00:02:56,920 --> 00:03:01,320 to respond to the information that is coming in that I'm 51 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:05,520 perceiving and receiving, right? Do I want to go into fight or 52 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:10,260 flight or freeze or what we sometimes call fawn? Now, if 53 00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:14,040 you're if the threat level feels like this is to me, is just 54 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,940 common sense, right? If the threat level feels like, okay, I 55 00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:22,460 can probably overcome this person, this situation, this 56 00:03:22,460 --> 00:03:25,100 place, we might take a fight like, we might choose fight. 57 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:28,400 We're like, Okay, we're gonna fight back if we can't, if we're 58 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,160 like, oh my god, saber tooth tiger. This thing is gonna kill 59 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,980 me. It's bigger than me. It can harm me or hurt me, this person, 60 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:39,140 etc, this situation. Then we might flight. We might run, take 61 00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:42,580 off, right? Choose not to, like, put down the Dukes and just rut 62 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:46,900 Hall ass, basically, right? If you can't do either of those, 63 00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:49,660 sometimes we go into what's called the Free State, where you 64 00:03:49,660 --> 00:03:53,440 literally just kind of shut down and kind of play a possum, you 65 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,620 know what I mean, where you're just like, can't move. And 66 00:03:56,620 --> 00:04:01,800 there's more fancy words for these states, okay, but I just 67 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,640 want to keep it pretty simple. And fawning is when you kind of 68 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:09,420 just like, I say, you try to befriend the thing that is that 69 00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:12,600 is perceived as a threat. Like, please don't hurt me. I'll be 70 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,800 whatever you want me to be, like, whatever. Okay, so we have 71 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,980 these different responses, and sometimes we call these also 72 00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:24,140 trauma responses. Okay, that's sympathetic. That's the fight 73 00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:27,560 and flight. Then we also have parasympathetic, and 74 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:32,300 parasympathetic is what we call the rest and digest state like 75 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:36,380 this is when we go into the relaxation response. This is the 76 00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:40,540 response we can experience when we actually are feeling safety, 77 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:43,000 when we're not feeling threatened, when we're not 78 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,940 scared out of our minds, when we're not anxious or worried or 79 00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:51,340 stressed or overwhelmed. And this is what a lot of the tools 80 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:55,840 right that are out there that people use, like everybody, from 81 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,720 yoga teaches to therapists to somatic body workers to 82 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:03,720 whatever, right. Use. They use different tools that help us to 83 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:10,440 return to kind of a more sympath parasympathetic state, okay, and 84 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,920 that's what we want. What happens sometimes, though these 85 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:20,960 days, is, I hear a lot of people saying, well, I want to regulate 86 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,860 my nervous system. We need to regulate our nervous system 87 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:29,300 because we have become dysregulated because of chronic 88 00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:35,120 stress and social media and our phones and technology and AI in 89 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:39,020 the state of the world, in the government, in the wars and all 90 00:05:39,140 --> 00:05:42,580 all the hatred and violence and whatever, people's nervous 91 00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:46,120 systems are, like, jacked up beyond belief a lot of the time. 92 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,420 And so there's a lot of talk about like, oh, I need to be 93 00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:51,940 regulated. I need to be regulated. I need to return to 94 00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:57,580 safety. I need to return to safety. Now I am also a teacher 95 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,780 of some of these things, like some of the tools and stuff that 96 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:04,620 we can use to help ourselves become more regulated. But I'm 97 00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:08,640 also a kid that grew up with, like, a lot of fear. I was also 98 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,540 a young adult and an adult that has a lot of fear. I've talked 99 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:16,020 about this on different episodes where I think one of the reasons 100 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:20,100 why, you know, I do the work that I do, is I was trying to 101 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:23,960 gather as many different tools as I could to try and help 102 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:29,240 myself mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, to 103 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:34,880 bring myself back into a state or a sense of safety and calm. 104 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:39,800 But here's the reality now, I'm not saying I'm right. I'm not 105 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,880 saying hashtag. I always say hashtag, not a therapist. I'm 106 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,240 not saying other therapists and other people will agree with 107 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,140 this, but this is just what has worked for me, and that's what I 108 00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:53,860 share on this podcast. I'm always trying to let you guys 109 00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:58,720 know that while nobody can actually pick up the tools and 110 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:02,160 use them for you, nobody can solve your problems for you. 111 00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:06,300 Nobody can like, quote, unquote, do the work for you. But you 112 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:11,100 absolutely do not have to do it alone. So I love to share things 113 00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:14,340 that have worked for me, tools that have worked for me, books, 114 00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:17,880 resources, whatever, that have worked for me, so that as you're 115 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:21,380 trying to also navigate this whole being human experience, 116 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:25,460 you don't feel like, oh my god, I'm all on my on my own, and I 117 00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:29,060 have to figure it all out. You're not alone. You are loved, 118 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,480 right? You're not going crazy, right? This stuff is hard. This 119 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:36,260 being human on the planet right now is hard. And then try to 120 00:07:36,260 --> 00:07:40,460 imagine doing it as not a white person, as somebody who maybe is 121 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:45,400 in a group or a community, right? Whether you're black or 122 00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:50,920 LGBTQIA or brown skinned or, quote, unquote, right, what the 123 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:55,060 world would say is marginalized or different or whatever. Again, 124 00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:57,940 I don't like to put a ton of labels on people, but we 125 00:07:57,940 --> 00:08:00,780 certainly know that not all of us are starting at the same 126 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:04,260 starting line. Do you know what I mean? So on top of just like 127 00:08:04,260 --> 00:08:08,220 being human is hard, then we have, you know, economic 128 00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:11,340 disparity. We have socio you know, we just have all the 129 00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:15,300 things that just make it this, systems of racism, etc, etc, 130 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,180 that make everything so much harder for certain groups of 131 00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:22,940 people. So one of the things that I can say is that has been 132 00:08:22,940 --> 00:08:26,360 even more difficult, right? Meaning, more difficult as just 133 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,960 as a human is being female in this world, being a quote, 134 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,740 unquote girl or a woman in this world. Because here's the thing, 135 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:37,400 while my nervous system keeps asking me, am I safe? Am I safe? 136 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:42,340 Am I safe? I cannot bullshit myself, right? Like I know too 137 00:08:42,340 --> 00:08:47,440 much, I've seen too much, and where I have landed is this, 138 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:51,760 this world, this 3d world, meaning the world that we've 139 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:55,780 created, although we would call it small, our reality. It's not 140 00:08:55,780 --> 00:08:59,680 capital, our reality, right? Here in the dream, A Course in 141 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:03,360 Miracles might call it here in the illusion, right? Yoga might 142 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:07,140 call it the Maya, the illusion, this idea of, you know, we're 143 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,260 all individual, separate beings walking around on the planet, 144 00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:15,480 right? Being, being a woman in this world, you do not, almost 145 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:20,180 ever feel safe. Now, if you're a dude listening to this, and 146 00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:23,360 you're like, What do you mean? What are you talking about? Go 147 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:28,400 and talk to some of the women, the girls that you know right, 148 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:32,120 the young women, the grown ass adults that you know. And they 149 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:38,960 will tell you non stop stories of like not feeling safe enough 150 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,980 to walk to their car at night, how they use their keys as 151 00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:45,580 weapons in their hands, how we're always aware of how we're 152 00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:49,900 dressed. What we're doing is my drink gonna get roofied like Da, 153 00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:53,860 da, da, da da, to try and move through the world, right? And 154 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:57,580 again, this extends beyond. I'm just using woman, because that's 155 00:09:57,580 --> 00:10:00,840 something I can talk about in my own experience. I can't talk 156 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,380 about other groups of people's experiences directly, although I 157 00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:07,980 can certainly listen and try to understand and empathize and 158 00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:11,820 imagine how fucking hot it is. Do you know what I mean to be, 159 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:12,420 to be, 160 00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:18,120 you know, to be in this world as well. And so we have this 161 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:22,100 conundrum, don't we? Because the nervous system is asking for 162 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:26,660 safety. And I've like again as a kid of a murdered mother, like 163 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:30,320 when you know that something that brutal, that tragic, that 164 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,800 violent, that somebody can beat another person to death, is a 165 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,340 reality when you experience it yourself, when you see the 166 00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:40,180 violence in the world, the way people talk to each other and 167 00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:43,360 treat each other the way we treat animals, when you just 168 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:47,320 look at it overall, right? There's no part of my nervous 169 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:51,280 system that is sitting there hunky dory feeling safe. And I 170 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:55,240 realized, like, oh, and I was just talking about this on a 171 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:59,800 podcast that I was recently on. I was on a podcast called it has 172 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:05,940 to be me, and the woman who tests masses is fantastic, and 173 00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:09,060 it's her, it's her podcast, and I talk about it a little bit on 174 00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:14,520 that as well. What has occurred to me is that this idea of 175 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,780 ideal, quote, unquote, safety that I'm hoping to feel here in 176 00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:22,100 the human experience for me, I've just accepted it's probably 177 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:25,340 never going to come because I've just again. I've seen too much, 178 00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,560 I've heard too much, I've experienced too much. I have 179 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:32,300 evidence of too much, right, cruelty and brutality and 180 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:36,800 violence and hatred and like all these different things. So my 181 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:42,640 goal, my goal for me, has been to gather as many tools as I can 182 00:11:43,540 --> 00:11:51,460 to feel safe enough to feel safe enough to be able to do what I 183 00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:56,080 came here to do, to be able to follow my individual curriculum, 184 00:11:56,200 --> 00:12:01,500 to be able to answer the call of my divine assignment, to show up 185 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:06,180 in the world as a creative to speak and use my voice to be a 186 00:12:06,180 --> 00:12:09,480 teacher, right? To have a podcast, to go out and lead 187 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,720 groups like, to to help other people as a spiritual mentor, as 188 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:18,720 a coach, etcetera. Because if I just listened to the fear that 189 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:23,000 my ego and my anxiety like, produces all the time, right? 190 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,540 Practically shouts all the time. I would become completely 191 00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:29,420 paralyzed. I would probably become housebound. I would 192 00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:33,500 probably be like, terrified out of my mind most of the time. And 193 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:37,280 I'm like, I can't live this way. I have to figure out a way to 194 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:42,940 experience as much as much physical and psychological 195 00:12:42,940 --> 00:12:47,860 safety as possible. I want to be able to move through the world 196 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:52,660 without feeling a constant perceived threat that is so 197 00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:57,880 overwhelming that it keeps me from taking action. And when you 198 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:03,300 recognize, oh, the world isn't safe, and your your your 199 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:07,680 history, your patterns, your the way your subconscious works, 200 00:13:07,860 --> 00:13:10,740 right? A lot of us, kids who were had trauma, a lot of 201 00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:14,340 trauma, we become hyper vigilant, right? Like I'm hyper 202 00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:19,920 aware of noises, lights, flashes of lights. I'm hyper aware of 203 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:23,840 people's body language, their energy, what they're doing with 204 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:28,880 their face. Right when you grow up in an environment like I did, 205 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:33,800 you are constantly seeking not only verbal but body language 206 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:38,840 cues and sometimes even just sounds that alert me to whether 207 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:42,340 or not what's about to go down is going to be something 208 00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:46,300 pleasant or unpleasant, you know what I'm saying. So I'm always 209 00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:51,040 picking up either cues of safety or picking up danger signs. I 210 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:54,520 know I'm not alone in this. So like double A men hands, if you 211 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:58,540 can relate to what I'm saying. But one of the things that I see 212 00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:02,040 is I feel like sometimes we're being sold this bill of goods, 213 00:14:02,220 --> 00:14:07,020 where it's like, just do these 10 Steps, use these five tools, 214 00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:10,920 and you will become regulated. You will have a regulated 215 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:15,720 nervous system. And I'm like, maybe you pal, maybe you pal. 216 00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:20,100 But that's not my experience. My experience has not been that I 217 00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:25,220 just exist in this, this little like floaty place of like, Oh, 218 00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:25,940 now we're just 219 00:14:25,940 --> 00:14:28,580 Unknown: going to put on our floaties and float down the 220 00:14:28,580 --> 00:14:32,000 river and drink, you know, Virgin Penny coladas or 221 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,580 Karen Kenney: whatever. Like, no, that is not my experience. 222 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:38,300 My experience is that I tend to be, like I said, hyper aware, 223 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:42,460 hyper vigilant, and being constantly regulated for me, 224 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,840 finding constant safety, like where everything is just like, 225 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:50,500 oh, like, yeah, I can just, you know how, like an animal, like a 226 00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:54,880 cat, will all of a sudden give you its belly and open up. And, 227 00:14:55,240 --> 00:15:00,300 you know, I was recently doing something with some. People, 228 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,880 where we were trying, it doesn't matter, but just ponies were 229 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:08,160 involved, a pony and a little miniature donkey. And I was 230 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,760 listening to all the horse people, and they were saying 231 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,780 that, you know, horses out in the wild. And this was a some 232 00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:18,300 something somebody said to me, I'm not quoting it as a truth, 233 00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,960 but this is what somebody said to me, that horses out in the 234 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,620 wild will, wild will often walk for like, 18 hours at a time. 235 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,980 They will not bed down, they will not lay down and rest 236 00:15:27,980 --> 00:15:31,160 unless they feel safe. And I started to think about this, and 237 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,160 I'm like, Yeah, that sounds like people too. I know people who 238 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,220 go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, move, move, move, move. 239 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,920 Everything's fast. Everything's quick. Don't stop, because if I 240 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,820 stop, I'm going to have to feel some things. And what I'm going 241 00:15:42,820 --> 00:15:45,040 to feel is I'm not going to going to feel that I am not 242 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:50,620 safe. You know what I mean? So rather than me just trying to 243 00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:56,380 feel regulated all the time, I discovered that number one, I 244 00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:00,840 don't have to feel 100% safe all the time. I just need to feel 245 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:06,060 safe enough, and I'm not waiting for this perfect like little 246 00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:10,920 island of regulation in my nervous system. I would rather 247 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,340 teach my nervous system over time, and this is what it's 248 00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,460 been. It's been a journey for me. I've been collecting and 249 00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:21,080 gathering tools for a really long time, tools that I now 250 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,680 obviously share with my one to one clients, people in the nest 251 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,500 and I oftentimes, you know, try to drop little breadcrumbs here 252 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:31,580 and there too. Also on the podcast, some things are just 253 00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:34,640 better taught in person. Do you know what I mean? Some some 254 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,880 things that I do like Thai Yoga, bodywork, Thai Yoga, massage, 255 00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:40,840 yoga, certain things like that. I just prefer to do them in 256 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:45,880 person. So, but here are these other hours, right? You know, I 257 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,840 love alliteration, so I was thinking to myself, Okay, rather 258 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:54,520 than being reactive all the time. So if I'm in a state of 259 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:59,800 not feeling enough safety, I will certainly be reactive, and 260 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,060 I will be looking and feel looking for and feeling 261 00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:06,480 triggered, probably a lot of the time when I move out of 262 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:10,200 regulation and I'm in dysregulation, right? And I 263 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:14,100 don't feel cues of safety, I don't feel like, okay, I can put 264 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:18,780 down my Dukes here. I can't be safe and vulnerable and open for 265 00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:23,060 business, right? If I'm in that state, I'm certainly almost 266 00:17:23,060 --> 00:17:27,080 going to be more hypersensitive to being quote, unquote 267 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:31,700 triggered or having my buttons pushed or being on edge or being 268 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:36,500 anxious or worrisome or stressed or overwhelmed, right? So I 269 00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:40,580 don't want to be in a place where I feel constantly reactive 270 00:17:40,580 --> 00:17:44,140 to the world around me, and I also don't want to be in a place 271 00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:50,440 where I am very rigid, right? So for me, what I found is that 272 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:54,820 when in my younger years, I would tend to always, quote, 273 00:17:54,820 --> 00:18:01,500 unquote, react in particular ways, I wasn't able to respond 274 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:05,580 yet from a place of love, I was always almost reacting out of a 275 00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:10,560 place of fear. And I would become rigid in my responses, 276 00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:16,560 meaning, like anything new, like no, I was deeply patterned in 277 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:21,080 the way that I re was reacting to the world. And I don't want 278 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:26,120 to move through the world in a very reactive and rigid way, 279 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,900 like so much of like, you know, when I when I think about my 280 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:33,920 yoga practice and being a yoga teacher, you know, for I don't 281 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,780 know, like, 25 years or whatever, 282 00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:41,200 I wanted more flexibility, But I didn't just want more 283 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:45,460 flexibility in my body, in my muscles, in my fascia, right? 284 00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:49,720 Like I wanted more mental flexibility. I wanted more 285 00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:54,280 emotional flexibility. I didn't want to be a person who always 286 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:58,900 just reacted to things in the same way, right? I wanted to be 287 00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:03,300 able to choose who and how I was going to be. I wanted to be able 288 00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:07,920 to have authorship and agency and autonomy right over the kind 289 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,440 of person I was going to be, what was going to come out of my 290 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:14,340 mouth, the choices I was going to make. Because a lot of times 291 00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:18,420 when we're in fight or flight, in that sympathetic, sympathetic 292 00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:21,740 state, when we're being reactive, we're not coming from 293 00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:25,700 our highest capital S self. We're coming from one of those 294 00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:29,780 parts of ourselves as trying to protect ourselves. And I always 295 00:19:29,780 --> 00:19:32,660 say, like, it's like, the front of my brain goes offline and all 296 00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:35,960 good decision making goes like, out the door, you know what I 297 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,720 mean. And like, I'm like, I don't want to live that way I 298 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,760 did those years, like I did that time. You know what I mean. So 299 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,820 now, rather than just waiting for like, quote, unquote, 300 00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:51,400 perfect safety, I have trying to create an experience within my 301 00:19:51,460 --> 00:19:57,280 own psyche, my psychological and physical experience where I am 302 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:02,760 safe enough that I can feel. More regulated, that I can feel 303 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:07,320 more responsive like I can respond to the world. I can 304 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:11,640 choose how I want to respond to what I'm seeing, hearing, 305 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:16,200 feeling, thinking, imagining is a lot of times what we're 306 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,860 reacting to is our fear of what we think is going to happen, 307 00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:23,000 what I think they're going to say what I think this person or 308 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,480 this situation is going to do, right? So I want to be able to 309 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:33,440 be more responsive. I want to be able to be more resourced. You 310 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,920 know, when we're little kids, we don't have a lot of tools, so we 311 00:20:36,980 --> 00:20:40,360 just do our damn best to survive. And a lot of the things 312 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:43,480 that we do, those survival strategies that we picked up as 313 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:48,400 kids, walking on eggshells, fawning, making ourselves small, 314 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,340 trying to be the good kid, trying to be the one that 315 00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:55,120 doesn't need anything, whatever. There's 1000 ways right that we 316 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,900 can like react to our circumstances as children when 317 00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:02,400 we feel out of control, but I wanted to be able to feel more 318 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:07,500 responsive, more resourced, like I had some tools. I had a bunch 319 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,320 of different tools in what I call my spiritual toolkit that I 320 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:14,100 could choose to pick up and use on any given day, depending on 321 00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:18,960 what I needed that day. I want to also just not feel, quote, 322 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:23,720 unquote, regulated. I want to be able to be resilient. I want to 323 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:28,520 have a resilient nervous system that can have big fluctuations, 324 00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:36,140 but also knows how to return to feelings of safety and calm. So 325 00:21:36,140 --> 00:21:39,740 I'm not always just looking to feel regulated. I'm like no, 326 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,960 because the world doesn't work like that. You know, I know me 327 00:21:44,140 --> 00:21:46,900 personally. I can't speak for you, but me personally, I'm 328 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:49,720 probably not going to walk around in this totally regulated 329 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,960 ventral state all the time. You know what I mean? It's like, I 330 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,380 am going to have spikes of energy where my hat starts to 331 00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:59,740 thump and, you know, I become aware that it's a little harder 332 00:21:59,740 --> 00:22:03,000 for me to swallow, and I'm like, a little more hypersensitive to 333 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,460 my environment. And then it's like, okay, what do I need right 334 00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:09,540 now? And that's when I go looking for the tools. Because 335 00:22:09,660 --> 00:22:14,460 if I can experience physical and psychological safety, then I 336 00:22:14,460 --> 00:22:19,380 will feel more connected to myself, my true capital, s self, 337 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:24,200 and just myself like like my body, me also. I'm not my body. 338 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,200 But you know what I'm saying, I will feel more connected to 339 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:31,220 others that I am in relationship to, and I will feel more 340 00:22:31,220 --> 00:22:35,000 connected to the world around me. And if I am never feeling 341 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,300 safe, if I'm always running scared, if I'm always in a state 342 00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:43,060 of overwhelming anxiety, and I can never get regulated. That's 343 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:46,240 that's not soothing. So not soothing. Don't want to live 344 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:51,700 like that. But I'm not actually expecting the world to be a 345 00:22:51,700 --> 00:22:56,440 particular way so that then I can feel safe. And that's why, 346 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,200 like, for a long time, I used to say things like, Oh, I'm trying 347 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,760 to create a safe space for you, this is a safe space. And I 348 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,780 realized, like, one day I'm like, I can't say that. Like, 349 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:10,740 it's not for me to determine what feels safe for somebody 350 00:23:10,740 --> 00:23:16,980 else. All I can do is to do my best to create an environment 351 00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:21,020 and an experience of safety. But I don't know everybody's 352 00:23:21,020 --> 00:23:24,800 subconscious triggers. I don't know everybody's backstory and 353 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,980 their history and what they've been through, so all I can do is 354 00:23:27,980 --> 00:23:31,580 do my best, and are there going to be times when I might blow it 355 00:23:31,580 --> 00:23:35,600 or screw up or whatever? Yeah, because a I'm human and again, I 356 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:39,560 don't know everybody's, you know, biography. I don't know 357 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,580 everybody's history and what they've been through, and what 358 00:23:42,580 --> 00:23:45,700 the things are that trigger them or upset them, a particular tone 359 00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:50,080 of voice, a smell, it could even be a color, like whatever it is, 360 00:23:50,140 --> 00:23:54,400 right? A tone of voice at certain energy level. You know, 361 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:58,960 people can get quote, unquote, triggered by like, 1000 little 362 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:03,720 things. So all I can do is try to do my best. Okay, so again, 363 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:09,900 what I want to experience in my own body is safe enough. I want 364 00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:13,680 to be able to drop into parasympathetic when I find 365 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,340 myself going into sympathetic, that fight and flight and freeze 366 00:24:17,340 --> 00:24:20,600 and fawn because it's guaranteed that it's going to happen. This 367 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:25,040 is not a safe world. I don't even like saying that out loud, 368 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,880 but it's the truth. It's not a safe world. It's not a safe 369 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:33,020 world for the animals. It's not a safe world for a lot of 370 00:24:33,020 --> 00:24:38,300 different people. And if you are lucky enough to move through the 371 00:24:38,300 --> 00:24:42,340 world where you never feel scared or threatened, or like 372 00:24:42,340 --> 00:24:46,120 you have no power or you have no voice or you have no authority, 373 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:48,820 then I hate to say it, but you're probably some old white 374 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:54,100 guy not to pick on the old white guys, just saying, You know what 375 00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:58,780 I mean. But the rest of us, we sometimes tend to feel like we 376 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,860 gotta have eyes in the. Back of our head. You know what I'm 377 00:25:01,860 --> 00:25:06,060 saying. So here's the thing that I have found to be a little bit 378 00:25:06,060 --> 00:25:10,260 helpful. Okay, here are some things. They're not all tools. 379 00:25:10,260 --> 00:25:15,240 But number one, I gotta know my own triggers. I have to be aware 380 00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:19,200 of the kinds of places, the kinds of people, the kinds of 381 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,940 environments where maybe I'm going to get a little antsy, I'm 382 00:25:22,940 --> 00:25:25,100 going to get a little suspicious, I'm going to get a 383 00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:28,640 little on edge, I'm going to get a little like I need to know 384 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:33,800 thyself. And this is so much of the work that I do with people. 385 00:25:33,980 --> 00:25:36,800 We got to know why we do what we do, think, what we think, 386 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,680 believe, what we believe, say what we say, do what we do. As I 387 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:44,140 said, we have to know ourselves. We have to be curious enough as 388 00:25:44,140 --> 00:25:47,680 about our own patterns, our own habits, our own stories, our own 389 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:51,160 beliefs, our own identity, how we're showing up in the world, 390 00:25:51,340 --> 00:25:54,880 why we're showing up that way, and if we don't like the 391 00:25:54,940 --> 00:26:00,540 experience, what maybe can we do to tweak it, to adjust it, to 392 00:26:00,540 --> 00:26:04,560 transform it, to change it, to develop it, to have personal 393 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:08,460 growth, self development, right? This is the work that I do with 394 00:26:08,460 --> 00:26:12,540 people. So we gotta know our triggers, and it's not like, oh, 395 00:26:12,540 --> 00:26:17,520 avoid them. My hope is that I can experience them and know how 396 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,200 to come back to safety more quickly, that I can get a little 397 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,620 dysregulated by something, and then go, oh. I know how to be 398 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:28,520 responsive. I know how to do that breath, where I breathe in 399 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:33,080 through my nose fully and deeply and then exhale out through my 400 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:38,060 mouth twice as long with a little bit of sound. I wear a 401 00:26:38,060 --> 00:26:40,340 watch. I don't have it on right now. I took it off to take a 402 00:26:40,340 --> 00:26:43,840 shower, but if I have on my Apple watch, I can just hit that 403 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,860 little hat icon and it will show me what my heart rate is. The 404 00:26:47,860 --> 00:26:52,840 other day, my heart rate was up around like 74 Okay, I just sat 405 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,900 and did the breath that I just described to you, inhale through 406 00:26:55,900 --> 00:27:00,660 your nose, fully and deeply, exhale out twice as long, 407 00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:04,380 through the mouth with a little bit of sound. This helps to down 408 00:27:04,380 --> 00:27:07,380 regulate the nervous system, move us from sympathetic to 409 00:27:07,380 --> 00:27:10,620 parasympathetic into the relaxation response. And I 410 00:27:10,620 --> 00:27:15,180 literally watched my heart rate drop down within a minute, like 411 00:27:15,180 --> 00:27:19,680 six beats per minute. It went down from like 76 or whatever it 412 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:25,040 was, to 70 and then I got it down to like 64 just from 413 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:29,960 breathing. That's one simple tool that pretty much everybody 414 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:34,220 can do. Okay, so I want to know my triggers, the other ways, the 415 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:38,600 other incredible. And I wouldn't even call it a tool so much as I 416 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:42,340 don't even know what to call it, but let's call it a tool. Is 417 00:27:42,340 --> 00:27:46,240 building relationships with people that you feel like you 418 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:50,560 can be yourself with people that see you, I would say your 419 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,740 balcony people, right? The people who love you. And this 420 00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:56,920 might be one other person, if you're lucky, it's two or three 421 00:27:56,920 --> 00:28:00,360 or four, where you have your people for some of you, that 422 00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:03,840 might be your family. For some of you, your family is the place 423 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,740 where you do not feel safe at all. Right? For some of you, 424 00:28:07,740 --> 00:28:11,520 it'll be your sweetie or your partner or your best friend. For 425 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,760 some of you, maybe it's a sibling, I don't know, but for 426 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,640 whoever it is, it's like building relationships with 427 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:22,280 beautiful people who see you, who try to understand you, who 428 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:26,660 get you, who celebrate you, who support you, who say, come here, 429 00:28:26,780 --> 00:28:29,840 right? Let me give you a hug. I'm listening. You don't have to 430 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,620 do this on your own. Sometimes we have to hire those people, 431 00:28:33,740 --> 00:28:37,280 coaches and mentors and whatever. And there's no shame 432 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:39,620 in that. And there's nothing wrong with that, because 433 00:28:39,620 --> 00:28:42,820 sometimes the environments that we find ourselves in, they are 434 00:28:42,820 --> 00:28:47,440 not supportive. They are not supportive. And you need to have 435 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:51,160 somebody who can be in your corner, like Rocky to like, I 436 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:54,160 always say in the Rocky movie, Mick, mix in his corner like, 437 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,620 you know what I mean? He's like, cheering him on. He's pointing 438 00:28:56,620 --> 00:28:59,860 out some ways to help him grow and develop and become better, 439 00:28:59,860 --> 00:29:04,380 right? The other thing is so one, knowing your triggers, 440 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,580 knowing what might upset you, and then gathering some tools to 441 00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:11,760 be able to when you do get triggered or dysregulated, to 442 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,060 bring you back to psychological and physical safety, to 443 00:29:15,180 --> 00:29:18,720 relationships and people. And then another thing is that body 444 00:29:18,780 --> 00:29:22,700 awareness, right? Body awareness techniques are incredibly 445 00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:26,300 helpful, whether that's somatics, whether that's yoga, 446 00:29:26,300 --> 00:29:29,660 whether that's breath work, pranayama, breathing, whether 447 00:29:29,660 --> 00:29:33,620 that's EFT, tapping, Emotional Freedom Technique, right? 448 00:29:33,740 --> 00:29:37,340 Whether that's bilateral stimulation, whether that's 449 00:29:37,340 --> 00:29:41,140 like, you know, peripheral vision and going out, whether 450 00:29:41,140 --> 00:29:46,300 it's hypnosis. I mean, there's a shit ton of tools out there to 451 00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:52,060 help us learn, but I want to say this to me, and again, I might 452 00:29:52,060 --> 00:29:58,300 be wrong. I don't want to just blame like my I don't want to 453 00:29:58,300 --> 00:30:02,460 ever have to blame my behavior. Behavior on my trauma and say, 454 00:30:02,460 --> 00:30:07,380 Well, I'm just reactive, because it might be true, but I want to 455 00:30:07,380 --> 00:30:12,600 be able to be aware enough that I am noticing that I'm being 456 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:17,880 reactive, and then I can choose to respond instead. I don't want 457 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,800 to be stuck in rigidity, in my patterns, and my habits and my 458 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:26,780 ways of being that are causing my own suffering or inflicting 459 00:30:26,780 --> 00:30:31,400 myself on other people. I can't tell you how many times I heard 460 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:35,300 growing up, that's just the way he is, that's just the way she 461 00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:38,480 is, that's just the way that they are, like everybody else 462 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:42,040 had to fucking suffer because this person had no emotional 463 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,580 intelligence. This person never bothered to take a look in the 464 00:30:45,580 --> 00:30:48,460 soul mirror. This person never bothered to pick up a book and 465 00:30:48,460 --> 00:30:51,220 read it. The person never went to therapy. They never got a 466 00:30:51,220 --> 00:30:53,740 coach. They never fucking took two seconds to look at 467 00:30:53,740 --> 00:30:58,000 themselves and realize that their way of being was bullying 468 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,740 and traumatizing and awful for other people to have to be 469 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:05,640 around double A men hands, if you know what I'm talking about, 470 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:12,780 right? So part of how I also try to experience safety is creating 471 00:31:12,780 --> 00:31:17,700 more safety in the world for animals and for other humans to 472 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:22,340 to find their way home. To Do you know what I mean, we can try 473 00:31:22,340 --> 00:31:26,780 to be a safe place for other people to show up in curiosity 474 00:31:26,780 --> 00:31:30,560 instead of judgment, to listen, maybe more than we talk, which I 475 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,600 know it's funny right now. Me saying that because I'm talking, 476 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:36,380 talking, talking, but it's a podcast, right? But to be able 477 00:31:36,380 --> 00:31:40,960 to quote, unquote, hold space for people when they're going 478 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,900 through a thing and to just be there, you might not always need 479 00:31:43,900 --> 00:31:47,680 to know the quote, unquote right thing to say that, can I hold 480 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:51,100 the space? Can I be there? Can I be a container for somebody 481 00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:56,260 else? So I hope that this is landing for you in some way, 482 00:31:56,260 --> 00:32:00,280 that this resonates for you in some way, that this concept of 483 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:05,520 being safe enough that we're not waiting to feel perfect safety 484 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:10,320 before we go after our dream, before we say yes to being on 485 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:14,520 the podcast, before we say yes to starting to write the book or 486 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:19,020 join the club or start the project or start a business, or 487 00:32:19,020 --> 00:32:22,220 say yes and go on the date. You know, I had a friend the other 488 00:32:22,220 --> 00:32:26,840 day write to me out of the blue, and they just said, I'm going on 489 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,080 a first date. They're like, Karen, Karen, I'm going on a 490 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:34,520 first date, Karen. I don't like first dates, right? I just 491 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,760 started laughing, and I wrote back, and I was just, you know, 492 00:32:37,820 --> 00:32:40,780 trying to be a safe space for them and say some things and 493 00:32:40,780 --> 00:32:44,260 make them laugh and loosen up and try to enjoy the experience, 494 00:32:44,380 --> 00:32:47,860 because you never know that date could lead to falling in love. 495 00:32:47,860 --> 00:32:51,580 And how exciting is that, right? But the ego mind gets involved, 496 00:32:51,580 --> 00:32:54,760 and it goes into like a time travels into the future and it 497 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:58,060 starts to worry and get nervous, or it time travels into the past 498 00:32:58,060 --> 00:33:01,320 and it goes into shame and blame and guilt and weirdness, and I 499 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,380 blew it that last time, and it's not going to work out. And I'm 500 00:33:04,380 --> 00:33:07,260 like, dude, like, let's be in the present moment. Like, let's 501 00:33:07,260 --> 00:33:11,220 just experience this. You know, this is kind of exciting. Tell 502 00:33:11,220 --> 00:33:16,020 me more. You know, it was pretty cool. So we're not always going 503 00:33:16,020 --> 00:33:21,020 to experience perfect safety, but if we can use some tools, if 504 00:33:21,020 --> 00:33:24,800 we can find our people, if we can become aware of our own 505 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:30,020 triggers, our own anxieties, our own fears, and use right use 506 00:33:30,020 --> 00:33:32,420 these things. And if you're like, I don't know how to do 507 00:33:32,540 --> 00:33:36,920 this. KK, please, for the love of of all things holy, join the 508 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:41,860 nest. It's 50 bucks a month. I can probably help right. Sign up 509 00:33:41,860 --> 00:33:45,340 if you hate it. You leave after one month, right. Find out more 510 00:33:45,340 --> 00:33:49,480 about working with me one to one in the quest. You know, I love 511 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:53,860 helping people navigate this whole being human experience 512 00:33:53,860 --> 00:33:57,640 using, you know, spiritual principles, spiritual practices 513 00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:01,560 and subconscious reprogramming and hypnosis and neuroscience 514 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:05,460 and practical tools to interrupt our patterns when we're getting 515 00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:10,080 reactive, you know, oh, my God. So the goal for me now, and 516 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:14,700 maybe it is for you too, is to feel safe enough so that we can 517 00:34:14,700 --> 00:34:18,840 do what we came here to do, so we can be who we are meant to 518 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:22,340 be, who the divine and you know, just you, maybe you don't 519 00:34:22,340 --> 00:34:25,280 believe in anything greater, right? Maybe you're just like, I 520 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:29,780 just want to be my best self. Perfect, great. Run with it. But 521 00:34:29,780 --> 00:34:33,680 it's hard to be our best self when we are getting hijacked all 522 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:38,600 the time by fear, right? We want to learn how to operate from a 523 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:43,480 place of love. And here's just the facts. Sometimes, right, we 524 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,780 are not going to feel safe, and sometimes we have to do it a 525 00:34:46,780 --> 00:34:51,160 little bit scared. I do, if you knew how many things I did 526 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:55,120 scared, right? I think a lot of people perceive me as like, you 527 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:58,420 know, I am tough, okay, right? Like, and I don't mean like, Oh, 528 00:34:58,420 --> 00:35:01,920 I'm tough. Like, I'm gonna beat you up. I am wicked resilient. I 529 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:07,080 am pretty tough. I am strong and right. And I have a lot of 530 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:10,200 patterns and habits in my nervous system of being scared, 531 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:14,760 and those things rear up. They they present themselves, but now 532 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:20,060 I have enough tools to be able to help myself to come back to a 533 00:35:20,060 --> 00:35:25,160 state where maybe I'm not feeling 100% safety, but I feel 534 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,520 safe enough to take the leap of faith to know that my spiritual 535 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:32,600 team comes with me. My ancestors come with me, my mom comes with 536 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:37,520 me. God, Holy Spirit, my inner teacher, because so much of 537 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:43,720 safety for me is learning how to trust myself. I can't always 538 00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:46,720 trust other people. I can't always trust the rest of the 539 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:50,680 world, but I can trust myself. I can trust the inner voice, the 540 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:53,860 inner teacher. I can trust God and source in the Divine, or 541 00:35:53,860 --> 00:35:57,220 whatever you happen to call it, the universe. I can trust a 542 00:35:57,220 --> 00:36:01,500 handful of people around me who I know have my back, who love 543 00:36:01,500 --> 00:36:04,800 me, who cheerlead me, who champion me, and who want the 544 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,160 best for me. And if you can gather these people, these 545 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:11,880 things, these tools, keep listening to the podcast, maybe 546 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,300 join the NASA. However, it is, read some good books, look up 547 00:36:15,300 --> 00:36:19,320 some of the tools that I mentioned, right? And you too, 548 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:25,280 because this is the goal for me, is to feel safe enough. 549 00:36:26,900 --> 00:36:30,440 And I've I've made my peace with that. I've made my peace that, 550 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:34,100 like this is the body and the nervous system that I have, and 551 00:36:34,100 --> 00:36:37,760 as long as I'm alive, right, I will be trying to help myself 552 00:36:37,940 --> 00:36:42,340 and reparent myself and be kind to myself and compassionate. And 553 00:36:42,340 --> 00:36:45,820 there's going to be times when we just have to feel safe enough 554 00:36:46,060 --> 00:36:50,560 and maybe do it a little bit scared. But you don't have to do 555 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:55,960 it alone. I'm here hopefully you have some people around you who 556 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:59,380 also love you and support you. Okay, I gotta go. I gotta go 557 00:36:59,380 --> 00:37:01,920 teach a yoga class. But I hope this has been helpful in some 558 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,860 way and valuable. And if you listen to this and you thought, 559 00:37:04,860 --> 00:37:07,860 Oh, my God, this is great, or whatever, this was valuable. 560 00:37:07,860 --> 00:37:11,280 This was helpful. Please share it with somebody. Send it to a 561 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,520 cousin, a girlfriend, a best friend and a sister, whoever 562 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:19,080 your auntie. Send it to somebody you love. Okay, wherever you go, 563 00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:24,140 may you leave the animals in the other humans and yourself in the 564 00:37:24,140 --> 00:37:28,700 environment and the planet better than how you first found 565 00:37:28,700 --> 00:37:33,140 it wherever you go, may you and your energy and your presence 566 00:37:33,140 --> 00:37:38,720 and your love and your safe enoughness be a blessing. Bye, 567 00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:38,840 you.