Today's podcast episode, I hope, will bring you hope and encouragement, but it's an honest and a real conversation about navigating our own children's mental health struggles as moms.

We're also going to talk about practical tips and advice for families going through similar things.

And we're going to talk about how do we help minimize our burnout and actually thrive in mind, body, spirit as moms by making sure we're getting the things we need as well.

And I just want to say that this conversation is so needed and it's so important because our young adults and our children are struggling with so many mental health challenges.

They're struggling with feeling hopeless or lonely.

They're struggling with depression.

They're struggling with anxiety and worry.

And the number of suicides that is attempted by young people and actually that is committed is astronomical.

The numbers have gone up.

It is a serious mental health crisis.

And I hope this conversation will just let you know that you're not alone.

And it provides some practical tips and ideas for how do we walk through, how do we navigate these things, how do we get help for our loved one, and how can we be supportive and be there for them so that they know they're loved and supported?

Welcome to Faith Fueled Living, the podcast that equips you to live well spiritually, emotionally, physically, and purposefully.

Each week, we'll dive conversations and biblical truths to help you strengthen your faith, pursue meaningful work, hear for your whole self, and live in line with what matters most.

Hi.

Today on the podcast, I would like to welcome our guest, Jen.

Sorry, Jen Rob.

She's a nurse practitioner with over 20 years of experience and a newly certified functional medicine practitioner.

But her heart work is empowering moms.

Through her book, Warrior Mom Rising, she offers coaching and wellness information to moms.

She helps moms advocate for their children, overcome burnout, and thrive in mind, body and spirit.

Her focus is on blending faith, medicine, and practical tools so moms can rise strong, find purpose in their pain, and step boldly into what God created them to be.

And I'm just really happy to have this conversation today because besides all of Jen's career experience right in the health and wellness space, she's a mom.

And, you know, while I haven't been in that space, I'm passionate about health and wellness and I have, you know, kids of my own.

We have both walked through our own journeys on navigating our children, struggling with mental health or anxiety and things like that.

And sadly, I know so many of you probably can relate to this because the statistics are not great with what our young adults and our kids are going through.

So I'm excited she's going to bring us some perspective, some practical tips and hope and some encouragement for us if we're walking through some of these things in our own homes.

So.

So, Jen, welcome to the show.

Thanks, Kristen.

I'm glad to be here.

Thank you.

Yeah.

So I'd love it if you could just share a little bit more with us about what is life like, what you guys have walked through.

Yeah.

So our journey really started when our daughter was 12 and really went on for about three or four years.

Started with the subtle signs of anxiety, depression, ultimately leading into self harm.

And then.

But the biggest, like, pivotal moment really came on April 4th of 23 when she was here.

My two boys had found her unresponsive, laying in a pool of vomit, face down in a pillow.

And of course they called 911 not knowing what had happened.

And it wasn't until we got her to the ER that and they started doing their lab testing that we found out that her alcohol level was four times the lethal limit.

So she had broken into a liquor cabinet that day that had two locks on it because she wanted to quiet the noise in her head.

It was kind of through all of this that we, that we found out she finally told us that she had been sexually assaulted by another student years before.

So that was really the burden that she was carrying in trying to get her the help that she needed so that she could heal and, you know, find better coping mechanisms, better different ways to deal with the anxiety and the stress that she was feeling.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you know, as I just mentioned, we.

I have three sons.

Two are in college.

One's just starting, one's about to finish, and the other one is just past that age.

And so they're all still at home, you know, still in.

In that job before, a career job.

And then like I said, the other two in college.

And you know, unfortunately when my first son was away at college, it was right when Covid was happening.

So it was a strange time.

You know, it was kind of like actually a couple weeks after he went to school, they basically said everyone has to leave unless you get permission to stay because we're afraid there's too many numbers.

We don't have enough beds.

So anyways, this is like the start of his college, but basically a year and a half after that time, he called us one day and said, I need to come home.

Like, I can't stay here anymore.

And what unfolded was basically that he was struggling with severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and, you know, just same wasn't coping, you know, even though he had friends there, it was.

He just wasn't processing things.

Things weren't going well.

So that was sort of what we then walked through, you know, and so we went, like probably many things you went through.

We went to see specialists and we went, you know, took him to therapy or counseling.

So all these things, which I know we'll talk about more on the show, but I only say that to say that, you know, I had.

I had not had this experience prior.

Right.

I wasn't prepared for it.

I don't think any of us are.

But walking through it, you know, I think I learned many lessons.

You did, which is I had to really give up a lot to God because at the beginning, one, I feel like God prompted me to call him prior to him coming home and knowing something was wrong and having some conversations with him.

But then also when he came home, he allowed me, because he was so low, to come to him with that, you know, because he was over 18 at that point, to come with him to these appointments at the beginning, you know, in the doctor's appointments and things, testing.

And my point though is, is I had to at some point realize that me being afraid and me living in, like, worry and anxiety wasn't ever going to help him.

And it was just causing such turmoil in myself.

And so I. I know we'll dig into that some more, but, yeah, so I.

So I've walked through that and I'm, you know, still walking through it a little bit.

Right.

Because I feel like once your child's there, I. I wouldn't say it's been full healing, but it's definitely come a long way since that time.

It's definitely a process and it's a journey.

I mean, and, you know, I don't know that I'll ever not worry about her.

Right.

Because of where we know what we've been through.

And some of that is just like, how it affects us as a mom.

Right.

Like, I mean, I feel certain that I probably have some PTSD from, you know, watching her and seeing her at rock bottom.

And that's a scary place to be as a mom.

Right.

Because it's not.

You don't want your kids to hurt, and it's like a gut punch when they are hurting and it's so severe that they don't want to be alive anymore.

And so I don't know that we'll ever not worry about Them.

And I can certainly say that, you know, I mean, she's still at home.

She's 17 now, and she's thriving.

Yeah.

But it is still very much a constant worry, you know, what will happen.

And I'm way more cautious about her and the people that she allows in her life.

You know, I'm a little more mama bearish when it comes to that.

And I.

But I, you know, I feel like I don't.

I don't have a choice.

Like, I have to be right.

Like, I mean, that's my job to protect her.

Absolutely.

One of the things I know you talk about is that sometimes it's obvious when our kids are struggling, but sometimes it's not obvious if we've never walked through something like this.

And so what could you just share with us?

Because this could be really important information for some parents that maybe something seems a little different or off, but they're not really leaning into it yet.

Yeah.

I mean, and that's the biggest thing, right, is we have two.

We have two sons before her, and, you know, they had never experienced anything like this.

But you really kind of, you know, there are subtle changes.

Right.

I mean, like, you know, what your kids do, and some of this is just making sure that you're present enough to.

To notice the subtle changes.

Right.

Like, for Chloe, it wasn't instantaneous.

I mean, a little bit it was anxiety, but it was, you know, slipping grades where she'd always been like an A student.

Now we're making Cs.

A lot of it was isolation where she didn't want to be around the family, you know, for dinner or for game time or whatever.

She would rather sit in her room in the pitch dark, you know, when it's, you know, sunshiny outside.

She just wants complete isolation.

And I think it's oftentimes when you're dealing with teens, we often mistake their behavior as teen behavior.

Right.

A lot of it, you have to rely on your mama's intuition.

Because typically, that intuition or that instinct, it's.

Right.

Right.

And you can call it whatever you want, intuition, the holy spirit, whatever you want to say it is, but we need to lean into that voice and noticing those changes that are so completely out of the ordinary and that go on for long periods of time.

Right.

Like, for Chloe, she wasn't sleeping.

She's, you know, or she wants to sleep all day, but she wants to stay up all night.

Right.

Like, in all of these things, complete isolation, I think, is the biggest key.

And you've just got to Kind of pay attention and hone into that.

The other thing is, I'll say, is that sometimes you can't approach them and be just like, well, tell me what's wrong.

Tell me what's wrong right now.

Like, I can tell something's wrong.

But what I learned is with her is, like, if I approach her that way, she's going to be like, nothing.

Like, why are you trying to talk to me right now?

Right.

And what she needs necessarily in that instant wasn't me hounding her to tell me what's wrong was to know that she's loved and she's supported.

Right.

Even though, you know, I jokingly say, like, we were the family with the white picket fence, because that's kind of how we were like the all American family.

Yeah.

So she knew, like, she was loved, but, like, sometimes when they're really struggling, they don't want to talk about it.

Right then.

That's right.

And sometimes it's not that they don't even want to talk about it.

It's just that they don't know how to talk about it.

Right.

And when you look at, like, a teen's development, there's hormones and there's, you know, their brains changing, their brain's not developed, and they don't really know how or what to say.

Right.

And some of it could be fear.

Like, they don't want to hurt you if they tell you the truth.

That's right.

There's just a lot of different aspects to it.

And so you have to kind of approach it from a much softer approach.

Right.

Then just going in there, tell me what's wrong.

Because the likelihood that they're going to tell you is probably slim to none.

Yeah.

And so I being that I only have boys, and I get it, girls and boys are not all the same as other girls and boys, but generally speaking, with my three boys, they.

They do want to keep things closer to the, you know, the vest, if you will, or their chest.

And so it wasn't until, like, my one son was really having a hard time that he was willing to share.

Right.

Before that, like you said, I don't think he knew what even.

What would he say or that he felt, you know, felt different ways about it.

But I will tell you that you're right about the intuition or, like you said, whatever you want to call it.

But it was a couple weeks before my son came home from college when he called us and said, I want to come home.

And we said, absolutely, we need to come get you.

But anyways, So a couple weeks before that, my husband had talked to my son that morning in college.

And so I hadn't even talked to him, but I just.

Something had just come over me that I should call him that afternoon.

And I tried to stop being, like, overly involved mom, right, With a boy at college.

My husband was kind of more taking on that role.

So I was trying to not be as the one checking in all the time as much.

So I called him that afternoon, and I just started saying things to him that just came to me, right?

They were on my heart.

And I said.

And I didn't even.

I did not know at this point he was struggling.

I just had that feeling come over me that something was not right.

And I just said, you know, how are you doing?

And, you know, of course he's like, I'm okay, you know, but basically I explained to him, because he's in college and he had had a bad semester of grades, but he had pulled him up.

And I think he was struggling in a class again, even though he was doing better in school.

And so I just said, you know, we.

We only care about your health and your happiness, you know, And I was like, we can always make more money.

We.

And I was so.

All these words, I just.

Like, I felt I needed to tell him.

I didn't know why, but in hindsight, those things, like, me feeling like, does he know this?

Because I realized when he was in college, I did what we did what most parents do, which is, hey, you know, if you're going to be in college, you need to get good grades, you need to do well, because it is not inexpensive to go move and live at college, Right?

And we were footing most of the bill.

And so I realized that a lot of the message he might have been hearing, of course we would tell him we love him and things like that, but that he might have been hearing, like, your grades matter.

Did they matter more than anything else?

No.

Did, in other words.

And I realized maybe I needed to reinforce a different message.

Sally, share that.

To say, like you were saying, go with your intuition.

But if you feel like there's something that you just feel called or pulled to say, you know, say it.

And sometimes you don't know what to say.

And like you said, it's.

It's more of a learning what.

What's going on and how do we get help?

You know, what people would tell me?

And you probably see this both as a practitioner and a mom having walked through this, if your kids are willing to come to you and tell you something or they want to see someone, it's because they felt safe enough or trusted enough to tell you.

Because I know that I was very fortunate that my son, having been away, didn't actually ever thank God to this point, try to do anything.

Right.

He thought about it, but he didn't try it.

And you know, we can't control what our kids fully do, especially as adults.

But I do know that it's because he felt safe enough, he could come home, you know, and so I know that that was a blessing, you know.

Well, 100%.

Right.

Like.

And you know, as all parents, I mean, you want your kids to feel safe, but some of that is in how we approach and how we parent them to begin with.

Right.

You know, my husband and I are very different.

I mean, we've been married for 25 years, but he grew up very differently than I did.

And, you know, I have always been a very open book with my kids.

Right.

I mean, some of that is just my, my training.

Right.

In.

In medicine.

And I'm like, I don't.

But I also am one that I don't sugarcoat things.

I don't want to keep secrets.

Right.

Like, it's more about being authentic.

And if you have something that I'm going to tell you straightforward.

But I think.

Right.

Whereas, you know, my husband leans a little more like to like, let's sugarcoat, let's, you know, that's really not it.

Right.

And what I found is that kids don't need you to protect them from things.

They are very aware of what is happening in the surroundings and they're a lot smarter than we give them credit for.

Right.

It was easier for me to just be kind of a straight shooter and say I know something's wrong.

But I also knew that if I push too hard that you're going to push them the opposite direction.

Right.

And sometimes it's that they feel safe coming to you.

But I also think, like, especially like in my daughter's case, there was an element of that she didn't want to tell us what had happened because she didn't want us to hurt.

Right.

She didn't want to cause us more pain.

Right.

And she also knows that I'm a full on mama bear.

Right.

And so, like when I found out somebody hurts my kid, like, the likelihood.

Yeah.

That I'm gonna want to go full mama bear and claws out is probably high.

Yeah.

And so, you know, you have to kind of rein it in, I think, a little bit as a mom when your kids are Dealing with things that are really sensitive, right?

Yeah, it's.

And how you react to them creates that feeling of safety or lack thereof.

Right, right.

And so much of like what.

How we parent is reactive parenting, right.

Like if they break something, it's reactive.

Yeah, Right.

And I, I think when you're dealing with kids with mental health issues, sometimes you have to change and not be reactive.

Because if you're reactive, then it shuts them down even further.

Right.

So if they tell you something that is hard to hear, you kind of have to take a moment and take a deep breath and go, okay, I'm just not gonna.

You know, it's your facial expressions, it's your tone, it's all of the things that feed into a difficult situation.

And it telling them that you're gonna like have a freak out mode.

Right.

Like we've got to like stop doing that because it doesn't create that safe environment.

And we also have to be okay if they don't want to tell us the whole.

Tell us everything.

That's right.

You know, like many things that she told the counselor, like to the in depth of what happened, but that was part of her healing journey and that I still don't know.

And that's okay, right.

Like it's okay for me not to know that because they're also developing a rapport with a therapist.

Right.

And they're creating that safety.

So unless there was like real harm to her, I don't have to know all that detail.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, no, it's such good, good things you're sharing because you're right.

I remember going with my son, you know, to go kind of assess what was going on with him, you know, so we went to the regular doctor, then we went to a specialist or two.

Multiple things and hours of different stuff.

And so in the car ride and stuff, you know, once again, I wouldn't force or push him to tell me anything.

You know, I might ask a question or two and if he told me anything, same, I would just try to be very, you know, calm.

Matter of fact, nothing would, you know, even if he was going to tell me like that he was having thoughts or if I was meeting, it was not.

I just had that feeling that I needed to just.

Okay.

You know, just like I'm here as a sounding board, right.

I'm not here to, like you said, freak out in front of him, you know, or be like, oh my gosh, you know, kind of a thing.

My job was at that time to be calm and collected.

If you Will, as best I could.

Well, and they need that, right?

They need us to be a pillar of strength when they're really not in.

Where they have their own strength to depend on, right.

And like, for us, you know, there were many, many, many times where, you know, Chloe would come out of like a hard counseling session, especially once we got her with the right therapist, right.

And you could just tell, like she didn't want to talk about it.

She get in the car and you could just immediately tell.

And all, all she needed me to say was, is, it's okay, you're safe and I love you.

Right?

Like they don't need a full on grilling session.

Sometimes they just need you to be present.

And you know, one of the.

I still think the greatest things that we ever did for Chloe was to come up with a code word, right?

Like if she was having a really hard day, full anxiety, thoughts at the lowest point, but she didn't want to talk about it, her favorite thing on earth is this chocolate mousse cake from Olive Garden.

And so that was her code word.

And if she came out and she was having a really hard day and she said mousse cake, it was, okay, well, come sit down.

Let's just sit.

You don't have to talk about it.

And then her daddy or her boys, her brothers is what she used to call them, her boys would go get her mousse cake from Olive Garden, right?

That was fine because she could eat her chocolate mousse cake, you know, and that was like making herself feel better.

But we were still present.

We weren't hounding her to like, tell us everything.

But it was, that was like the word.

And like, if you say it like, okay, no questions asked, we're just gonna sit here and be here and comfort you and that's it.

Yeah, I love that.

Yeah.

I mean, I've heard people use family words or code words before for lots of things.

Sometimes it's like if your kids are older, right?

Let's say college age, and they're going to be somewhere and they want just a ride home, no questions asked.

Like you just text a word.

So they're not like texting their mom or their dad in front of their friends.

All this whole, you know.

But in other words, there's a lot of good reasons to have a code word.

But I love that, you know, if your child is someone that's walking through anxiety or depression or any other mental health condition, that that's a great thing.

Like, even if they were at school and it is Just too much for some, you know, whatever it is, having that word, like what's the plan if you text this word?

Right.

And so that's a, that's a great idea because you're right.

If they have a plan, even it being a word, and they know if I say this, they're going to know, oh, I need to get picked up or I need to talk to them, but I don't have to have a whole conversation or I don't have to rehash something again.

So that's a great idea for people for sure.

What would you just say?

Okay, so, I mean, you would probably know the stats better than me, but I know some of the stats I saw recently is that I think 40% of high schoolers have persistent feelings of either sadness or hopelessness in the past year.

You know, and then obviously the suicide numbers have gone up by like 60 some percent since 2007, which is horrific.

I mean, we definitely have some serious crisis on, on our hands at this point.

But I guess my point is, is it's, it's kind of everywhere at this point.

I mean, I don't think I can talk to a person or a family that isn't walking through the anxiety or depression or some other mental health condition or diagnosis or knows someone.

Sadly, that's.

It had at least an attempt.

And so is there any just thoughts you have on, you know, of course you've talked about like, recognizing when your child's acting different.

And we've talked a little bit about like walking through if our child has sadly going on this, you know, this path where we're, we're having to help them navigate this.

But is there just any other things that you would share to just encourage, you know, the families, the parents, especially moms, Because I have more female listeners that might be walking through some of these same journeys, I think.

And I mean, we had to do this, you know, for our own, for her, for our daughter.

But sometimes I think as parents, we lose sight of that.

We're parents, right?

And we're not that they're, we're not trying to be their friend.

And sometimes that means we have to make hard decisions that, and put boundaries in place that they may not like.

And that's okay, right?

Like, they, you, you have to hear that it's, it's okay for your kid to be mad at you.

Like, it's just okay.

Yeah.

And you know, there were some things that when Chloe's anxiety, depression, self harm, it was at its pinnacle.

Right.

I mean, we pulled her out of school, because the influences that she was meeting, because she was in a very low and dark place, so who was she going to be attracted to?

The low and the dark ones.

Right.

And they were not good influences.

The stress and anxiety of just being in that building was even more so.

So we pulled her out, we took her phone, I changed her phone number.

I deleted every contact out of that phone except for her dad and her brothers and my mom.

And that was it.

Like, this is who you can talk to.

Right.

Because I wanted to control what was being fed into her brain.

Right?

Yes.

We also, now my boys are older.

I mean, one's 20 and one's 19.

So obviously they had social media.

They were allowed to get it when they were 17.

But we were very protective of Chloe.

You know, Chloe didn't.

And I'm not saying that she didn't find ways to get it, even though we felt like, my husband's a techie nerd.

So, you know, we had safeguards on the phones.

But putting those boundaries in place and saying, you're not going to spend all this time watching unnecessary nonsense on TikTok or Instagram or whatever it may be and filling your mind with just harmful stuff.

Right.

That was a boundary that we set.

Right.

And for her, it wasn't, you know, we took her phone.

So then if she didn't have a phone, she couldn't sit in her room and just stare and be isolated.

Right?

Nope.

You're going to come out here, and if you want to watch tv, you're going to come sit next to me.

Right?

These are the things that we had to do in order to keep her safe.

Right.

And here's the thing.

Our kids today, I mean, I'm a. I'm a Gen Xer, right.

So, like, I grew up without cell phones.

Okay.

I grew up playing in the dirt and playing outside till dark.

You know, all of those things.

It.

And our kids today have so many other influences that we never had.

That's right.

So parenting, it's.

It's different.

It's a whole different game now.

Right.

But the thing is, like, you have to.

You have to stay on top of it, and you have to monitor and set boundaries to what is influencing your child.

Right.

Social media, as good as it is, there's a lot of bad out there.

Right?

Right.

Especially when you think of a child, boy or girl, who is struggling with anxiety, depression, loneliness.

Right.

Isolation, all of these things, they are going to be naturally drawn to the things and the people that make them feel and understand how they feel in that moment, right?

It is not in our kids brain's ability at that age to go, oh, let me go find some uplifting stuff so I can change my mindset.

Right?

That's not who they are, right?

And not at that age especially.

Well, I mean, you know how you feel when you're at your lowest point, right?

Like, I mean, even as an adult, right?

We have to go, okay, Snap out of it, right?

Go, go read the Bible.

Go listen to worship music, whatever it is, right?

Pour some truth and some goodness back in your soul.

But that's not how kids think.

And as parents, we often don't want to make them mad, right?

Or get them upset at us.

But I'll tell you what I mean, Chloe, after she turned 16, she literally looked me dead in my face and said, thank you, mama for making those hard decisions.

Was she mad at me at the time?

100%.

Do I regret it one day?

Absolutely not.

Because pulling her out of all the negativity and the negative influences and the people that, that wanted to see her stay stuck and stay in this low, lonely, dark place, they don't have her best interests at heart, right?

As parents, we have their best interests at heart.

And I, I talk about that in the book too because I really think that that's part of being a parent in these really hard seasons, right?

You're learning to advocate for your child on so many different playing fields.

You're advocating for them and who they're influenced by, the junk that, that feeds their brains, right?

You're influencing and you're advocating like, no, no, we're going to adjust that.

We're going to change that.

We've got to get you out of this dark and lonely spot and put you somewhere that there's light and truth, right?

And you think about like most people that are anxious or depressed or something like that, right?

They.

There's a low self worth.

And obviously Chloe had no self worth from what had happened to her, right?

Because she was sexually assaulted, right?

And so her, her self worth and her value, she felt like nothing.

And it's our job as parents to pull them out of that and say, no, no, you are worthy and you are valuable, you are loved and you are adored and we are not going to allow you to stay stuck in this place.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I think that you brought up so many good points.

I mean, one of which is even though my kids, like my oldest son did not get a until high school, but that's still in my book at this Point after been everything I've been through, like, I would still have held my other ones, got them a little younger.

Not, not elementary anything but.

Right.

Because they're like, well, but I need to get a, like I need you to come pick me up and all.

But honestly, if I could do it again and you can't.

I was like, you give your kid if they have to have a phone and they probably don't really have to give them a flip phone right.

When they're younger.

Like now having these kids that are young adults, I'm telling you, you were exactly right.

Like the more boundaries you put up, the more that it feels like they're doing the opposite because you want them to of their friends or other or that age group of kids, you're actually probably doing them a service because, you know, the data's in, you know, social media is not good for these young brains.

You know, in their.

Part of the issue is it's not just the content they can find, which is definitely probably the biggest issue, but it's that we're losing our attention spans, right?

Like it's the quick 30 second videos and as adults we can even get sucked into that.

But kids really can, right?

They're growing brains and this is all they've seen.

Because it's not like you said when you and I were young, you had to go make up games and be creative and you had to be resourceful and now you don't really have to.

There's AI that'll tell you whatever you want.

There's, you know, the Internet is at our fingertips on these little devices.

And so we have to remember, the more we pull that back a bit, yes, they have to understand technology, but the more we pull it back, the more they're going to be creative and gain confidence because they're using their imagination.

And so I think sometimes when your kids are younger, you don't realize that, but being on the other side of it, I think, you know, I can see it very clearly, even though I tried to not let my kids when they were very young, you know, do.

A lot of things.

But that's the truth of hindsight, right?

It's 2020, of course.

And that's what I hope that moms who have little ones now go, okay, right.

The world is telling you you've got to move at supersonic speed.

Yeah.

But in reality, that's not the way we were designed.

The other thing about social media, and it's yes, the content, but they also get into this game of comparison, right?

And it, it devalues them, right?

If they're constantly seeing someone, you know, living their best life and they're traveling all the time and they're doing it and they don't have that, well, it's like, well, why don't I have that?

And then they beat themselves up because they don't have that.

Right?

And that's not good for their brains either.

I'm not saying the comparison never happens because even when we grew up, you know, as a Gen X, there was still comparison, right?

Like they had the best jeans and we didn't.

But, you know, or one was shopping at Kmart and one wasn't, right?

Like so, you know what I mean?

Like so that's, that's what we were worried about.

Right?

But the scale was, the scale was here or very low compared to everything online.

Appears that way, right?

Like, yeah, so it was, it's just a different volume and a different scale.

And the amount of.

That's the issue today with just such a fast paced Internet world, we're bombarded constantly, right.

As adults and kids.

And so you're right.

It's just, it's the job of parents.

And I would also tell people, if they haven't heard this before, some of the most wealthy tech people, they are sending their kids to the schools that have no technology, right.

I don't remember if it's Waldorf or I forget which schools, but like they're literally sending them to schools that go back to the basics, you know what I'm saying?

And there's a reason for that.

It's because they see.

Yeah, but you also forget that in this society that we live in that's so techy and these little devices in our hands all the time, you forget what connection is.

Right?

And I think that that's, that's another huge part of it, is that kids are losing the connection, right?

The talking, the chatting human to human.

Right?

Because I mean, now they can text AI and it can talk to them back.

Right?

But human connection is how we were designed, right?

And your kids need to feel connected to someone or I mean, otherwise they, it's just going to further isolate them and make them lonely.

And, you know, as good as AI is, AI does not take the place of a human 100%.

No.

You know, and, and giving our kids these devices, I mean, our kids were older when they got their phones, but giving them those devices and allowing it to babysit them is not helpful either.

Yeah, because if you don't, I mean, if you're going to give your kid a phone at.

Or whatever at young and age.

I mean, at least put some parental boundari boundaries on these devices.

That's right.

Because the world is cruel.

And you know, again, I mean, I know we kind of like went down a different tangent, but like, that is one thing for Chloe, setting boundaries when they are struggling.

Yeah.

It's a must.

And it doesn't always have to be like, as extreme as what I went through with Chloe.

Right.

It can be setting boundaries of, you know, Thursday night is family night.

There's.

I mean.

Or, you know, Wednesday night, we're all going to cook a family meal together, whatever.

Because then you're teaching them, you know, that you are important, that family is important, that that connection is important, and you're creating a safe space.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

And I would say one thing I know that's talked about and I've seen is sometimes with our kids or young adults, they don't all have the same level of resiliency.

It hasn't.

Right.

And so as a parent, as your kids are growing up, finding those opportunities to help them build up, you know, dealing with change, dealing with different things and then being resilient, because that is such an important quality as they're going through things.

But then as an adult, to be able to handle the different stresses of the world, to be able to handle the stress of other people, you know, and all these things.

And so, you know, I would just remind people, you know, we don't.

We want to help bring them up.

We want to help them be resilient and know that they have value in themselves.

Right.

As they are.

But we don't want to.

I mean, we don't want to basically give them so much that they don't ever have to work at it or, you know, keep being.

Keeping building skills and things like that.

So, you know, I think that's something else I would say as well.

Agreed.

Okay, so what.

What would you want to tell us about?

You know, you have definitely some different areas that you talk about, you know, to try to help moms, you know, whether they're navigating types of things you talked about or whether they're just navigating all the things a mom has to deal with.

Right.

Juggling, raising kids, most likely working or working in the home, either way, marriage, all these things.

But you, you obviously help them advocate for their kids, and then you obviously help them try to make sure they're putting a little focus on themselves as well.

So what would you want to share.

With us about that, well, and I think that that's the biggest thing, right, is as moms, we are the gatekeepers, right?

And we are the taxi drivers and we work and we cook and we're the schedule keeper.

We are all these things to all of people, right?

I mean, your spouse, you're a mother, you're a daughter, you're whatever, you're all of these things to all these people.

And if you're not careful, especially when you're in a very hard season, be it with your child or your husband, I mean, whatever it may be, your spouse, whatever, or you're taking care of ailing parents, what's, what happens is if you just keep giving and giving and giving, you wake up one day not knowing who you are, right?

And then you're in full burnout and full on exhaustion.

And at the end of the day, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Like you, if you're running on empty, you're no good to anyone.

And I mean, one of the biggest things that, that I want women to understand is you're not just advocating for everybody else.

You have to advocate for yourself, right?

And learning how to take care of yourself, even if it's just 10 minutes a day.

And I feel like most women get stuck in this cycle of, well, I don't have time.

Yeah, it's too expensive.

And so when I say self care, I don't necessarily mean like going to the spa and having an eight hour spa day that costs thousands of dollars.

I just mean finding something every single day that brings you joy and it's for you specifically, right?

Like if it's taking a 10 minute walk, if it's sitting for 10 minutes in the peace and quiet, you know, on the patio or whatever it may be, if it's working out, if it's, you know, for me it was listening to worship music, whatever it may be, like, you have to find something that pours directly back into your soul.

Because when you're burnout and you're exhausted, how do you show up?

You show up short tempered, frustrated, you get anxiety, right?

You, you're no good to anybody when you're at those points of low.

And the only way to help your kids or your spouse is for you to take a little bit of time to pour into you, right?

It's not selfish.

And I think that that's this mindset that we often get into as moms, right?

Is that, oh, take 10 minutes.

It's selfish because everybody needs something all the time.

But that's not it.

It's Necessary to do those things for you so that you can continue to show up at your best for everybody else?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And I think there's no one way is the other thing I would tell moms, you know, like for instance, I mean, and we all do this different.

So there's no, I'm not saying what I'm about to share is the right way either.

You know, I make dinner a lot of nights, but I don't make it every night because usually there's enough leftovers that the next night we might eat that or maybe, you know, we ordered, you know, we got food out somewhere, so we'll have that.

A lot of times we'll have leftovers.

But my point is, is like sometimes I'm like, just let it be easy, right?

Like, did I make enough food or did I freeze some so I have it another time?

Or I'm like, you know what, tonight we're just going to clean out the fridge.

Like, let me just put on a plate or a couple platters, whatever's already in there.

But sometimes as moms, we put this expectation on ourselves.

Like I need to have a hot meal and that's a good thing, lovely thing to do.

But we don't have to every night.

365, right.

Like we can get a break from cooking, especially if we're spending an hour or two cooking versus a 15 minute meal or something like that some nights.

So I would just remind people too, sometimes we can take shortcuts on some stuff that'll give us back a little time and that might be.

Then we get to play a game with our kids, you know, or we get to sit and, you know, or let's.

Like you said, sometimes we need that like separate time, just a little time to ourselves only.

But other times it might be, you know what, I can't get that break today because my spouse is out of town and my kids are little.

You can put the worship music music on or whatever music you like and dance with your kids.

Right?

Like sometimes we, we weave it in, in, in fun ways or creative ways.

But I think the point is, is just finding what you need and then, you know, adding it throughout your day.

And a lot of that starts with being intentional, right?

That we do matter.

Like our, our mental health matters, our emotional health and our physical health matters and our spiritual health.

And are we filling those buckets like you said, at least, at least enough each week to keep us at a level that's maintainable.

Right.

I mean, and it's really just about Being intentional with your time, right?

I mean, if you put the kids to bed because they're little and you put them to bed at 8 o', clock, well, you've got some time.

And you know, I just, I don't.

Women don't need to think.

Well, I, I scrolled on social media for 10 minutes today, so that was my time.

Well, again, it's not helpful, right?

It's not clearing your mind.

It's not giving you rest or peace.

Because again, as moms, we fall into that comparison trap too, right?

Like, oh, well, she must have it all together because she's never, she never appears to be stressed, but that's really reality of the situation, right?

And so you just have to be intentional, right?

And you have to make yourself matter, right?

Because at the end of the day, nobody else is going to.

Right?

As moms, that's what I mean.

We, that's who we are.

That's who we're designed to be.

And more often than not, people aren't going to think about, what does she need for me, especially when you have kids, right?

Like, I mean, that's right.

They're really not going to sit and go, oh, what does mom need today?

Right.

That's not.

No, think about.

And you can have the best spouse.

And they don't always think of it either.

I mean, some, some do, you know, like, oh, why don't you go take a break?

But let's be honest, a lot of times women just have to advocate for themselves because we typically are the caregivers, right?

And we're the people that are getting everybody where they're supposed to go and doing all the things in most cases, you know, the other thing I think was helpful for me as I've walked through different things, whatever that might be, including, you know, things my kids have been walking.

Have walked through, is sharing what you're going through, whether it's in your marriage, whether it's with your kids, whether it's your own personal thing with safe people in your life, you know, because I find, like, I was talking to, Interviewing a woman the other day and the topic was not this, but she had just shared as part of her story that she had postpartum depression.

And she said, at first I didn't tell anybody because I felt like I'm the only one.

And she's like, when I finally talked to one of her church friends or somebody, she said, and then they said, oh, I've been there too.

That happened to me.

And she was like, wait, what?

And so it's like sometimes, I mean, I'm not saying go tell the whole world what's going on with you, but if you have a safe friend or a family member or, you know, or you need to go to professional, but like, sharing what you're walking through because one, it's going to help someone else.

Just like us having this conversation, the reason we do this, right.

Have these kind of conversations because we know sharing things we've walked through hopefully will give someone else hope or an idea or a little encouragement to keep going and that there is hope right.

On the other side of whatever someone's walking through.

And so I would just remind people, too, don't think, don't let guilt or shame or like a feeling of that you're the only one hold you back from sharing to someone that's safe and is going to support you and help you walk through the things you're walking through.

Well, I mean, when you.

From a faith perspective, if you look at it like we were.

We were designed to be in community with others, right.

I mean, that's how we were designed.

And, you know, I was the mom that made the mistake of not telling anybody, right?

Yeah.

Mostly because with mental health, there's always a judgment or a stigma that comes.

Right.

And we are already dealing with our own mom guilt.

Like, did I miss something?

Did I not see it?

How did I not see it?

Right.

And the guilt and the shame that we're already placing upon us.

Right.

But in hindsight, that probably wasn't the best because all it does is it makes you feel further alone and isolated, and then you need somebody to help keep you on track.

Right.

To give you, to empower you, to encourage you when you're the one that's having to do that for everybody else.

And so community is huge and.

Right.

I want moms to reach out.

Right.

If it's, you know, if it's with a church group or somebody, there is somebody that you can trust that can help you navigate those hard waters so you don't feel alone.

I mean, because that's.

That's not what.

That's not good for anybody.

That's right.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

So what else?

As we start wrapping up, what else would you just want to share with us?

Just about what you've walked through or what you're, you know, how you're helping women, you know, through your resources and your books and your community, you know, just.

Is there anything else we haven't just talked about that you want to talk about?

I mean, the biggest thing Is, is I really want moms and really just women to know, right.

Like your circumstances, they don't define you.

Right.

There is a purpose in your pain.

Right.

And we don't always know what that purpose is.

But you know, when we walk through that with Chloe, you know, I realized that a lot of the mistakes that I made being alone and trying to handle it by myself and all of those things, that's not what.

What women need.

I mean, I want women to reach out and to find community and to build each other up.

Right.

But I also want women to step into their God given purposes, Right.

We are not just meant to be moms, right.

With and lose our identity and who we are designed to be.

Right.

And sometimes that it changes us as we're walking through these situations with our children or our spouses.

Right.

And that's important and that's okay, right.

I 100% believe that God can use every, every journey and every story for good.

Right.

And he can turn whatever it was that was meant to be painful and full of heartache and a very dark season of life into something that is positive and for his glory.

Right?

So I think that's the biggest thing, right?

Like on the COVID of the book, there's a butterfly.

And really it wasn't just that.

That's very intentional, Right.

Because the butterfly is symbolic of transformation.

Right.

And it wasn't just Chloe's transformation, but it was mine too.

And coming through that and realizing that, okay, God has put you in this storm.

Yeah.

And then you weathered the storm and now look at the other side, right?

Now you can step fully into the purpose that God has for you and, and make an impact for his kingdom.

I mean, that's to me, is what the number one thing is.

That's right.

Yeah.

I mean, that's exactly right.

You know, he.

Right.

He wants us to point people back to him, Right.

He wants us to, you know, give the glory to him.

And like you said, he also isn't calling us, he's calling us different places, right?

Everyone and in different seasons.

But whether you're just being, you're not just whether you're being called and it's something, it's inside your home or in your community or church community or to do something like a book, whatever it is.

The point is, is we've all walked through things.

We all have experiences.

And when we combine that with, you know, our faith and our testimony, we can help other people, right?

Whether it's one on one, one at a time, or whether it's you know, in some other way.

And so, yeah, I would just same, I would encourage women just to, to step into what he's put on your heart to do.

Especially when we've walked through something, whatever it is grief, it could be anything.

We usually are there to help other people that are coming behind us going through something.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Okay, so last question.

What is fueling you these days?

Is there anything just as we're into fall, you know, it can be a fun thing.

It can be a faith based thing.

It can be, you know, just an activity you like doing.

I mean, I love all things pumpkin, so 100 into, you know, all things pumpkin flavored and taste and all of those things.

But you know, for me it's really, I mean, family has always been the most important thing for me and that's really just kind of what I hone in on.

You know, we're very intentional, especially like around Christmas time.

We always travel together as a family and that's just what we've always been very intentional about.

And those, this is the type of, you know, the parts of the season that I, that I love because it, there is intentional time for us as a family of five even, you know, because our kids are bigger now, so things are harder.

That's right.

Yeah.

Love that.

Wonderful.

All right, well, Jen, can you share with us?

How can people learn about your resources, your book and all those good things?

So I have a website, it's called warriormomcoach.net and on the website there's free resources.

You can join our VIP community.

There is a link to the free Facebook community for Warrior Moms Rising.

That's just.

It's a group.

We all come from different stories, different backgrounds, different struggles.

But it's.

There's prayer.

If you need prayer, there's encouragement.

All of those things are in that group.

And then my book is on Amazon and on Barnes and noble.com wonderful.

Thank you so much for taking the time and sharing both your story of what you all have walked through and come out of and then also just sharing with us, you know, so many practical tips and ideas for how we can as moms just navigate whatever it is that we're going through and as you said, just have hope and encouragement for what we're going through, but also what's on the other side and what we're being called into as well.

So thank you so much.

Thanks for having me.

As I wrap up today's episode one, I just want to say this episode is for educational purposes or informative purposes.

Only.

This is not medical advice.

Please seek help if you or a loved one is struggling with any mental health struggles or issues.

Of course, call an emergency number if it's serious or you need immediate help, but go and talk to other people.

Get professional help for you or your children if you are experiencing changes in how they're acting or what they're saying, or if they've they're doing anything that's harmful or concerning.

And I just want to tell you though, that there is hope.

We can all walk through these things that we're struggling with, whatever it might be, but we can't always do it alone.

So find people to walk alongside you if you are dealing with anything like this.

And you know, I just pray that you get the support and the guidance that you need to continue to care for your family and care for yourself and have a bright and beautiful future.

If you enjoyed today's episode, if you could leave a rating review on Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts, it helps the show get discovered by more people so that we can continue to uplift and encourage people in their faith journey as well as all of the other parts of their lives.