When somebody says, 'I will always do this', 'I would never stop doing that',
Speaker:or 'I would never do that', 'I'll always this way',
Speaker:you can guarantee that's an illusion. Nobody's one sided.
Speaker:I want to start out by saying that, imagine
Speaker:you have in front of you a magnet,
Speaker:which has according to physics,
Speaker:a positive pole and a negative pole.
Speaker:And you're given that magnet and somebody offered you a billion dollars if
Speaker:you can cut that magnet in half and give them only the one pole back,
Speaker:not both poles, but a one poled magnet, a mono pole,
Speaker:not a dipole or bipole.
Speaker:And if you're not aware of Maxwell's, James Clerk Maxwell's, you know,
Speaker:laws of electromagnetism or magnetism, you'll actually think, 'Well,
Speaker:I'll cut that thing in half and grab that positive one and hand it to them and
Speaker:get my billion dollars.' But that's not how it works.
Speaker:If you cut the magnet in half, you end up with two magnets,
Speaker:because the arrangement of the atoms,
Speaker:they are dipole moments and they have one side is positive, one side negative.
Speaker:So arrange them all they're organized in a magnetic form.
Speaker:They've been magnetized.
Speaker:So what happens is you end up with a positive and negative and a positive and
Speaker:negative, two of them. And you think, 'Oh,
Speaker:I didn't do it fast enough.' So you grab that small half,
Speaker:that positive negative pole and try it faster to get that positive without the
Speaker:negative. And then you do is you end up with positive and negative.
Speaker:And so no matter how many times you break that down,
Speaker:you keep getting a positive and negative.
Speaker:And trying to get a one sided magnet is futile.
Speaker:And so you don't end up with the money. You get enticed by it. And life,
Speaker:people in life are telling you, you know, 'Be positive, don't be negative.
Speaker:Be kind, don't be cruel. Be nice, don't be mean. Be giving, don't be taking.
Speaker:Be generous, don't be stingy. Be peaceful,
Speaker:don't be wrathful.' They're always telling you to be one sided.
Speaker:But like a magnet, you tend up to have both sides.
Speaker:And no matter how hard you try to get rid of half of yourself,
Speaker:how you going to love yourself if you're trying to get rid of half yourself?
Speaker:You want to be loved for the whole, not just one side of the magnet,
Speaker:you might say. And so many people go around and say,
Speaker:'I want to be loved and appreciated for who I am.
Speaker:And I want to improve by getting rid of half of me and getting only one side.'
Speaker:And the pursuit for one sidedness is futile.
Speaker:The Buddha says the desire for that which is unobtainable (the one side) and the
Speaker:desire to avoid that which is unavoidable (the other side) is the source of
Speaker:human suffering. Which is interesting.
Speaker:And yet we're taught in society,
Speaker:mass solutions of trying to be one-sided.
Speaker:I call it the moral hypocrisies that we're inundated by,
Speaker:trying to be always one sided. We go around and say,
Speaker:because we're trying to get one side, or nobody's perfect,
Speaker:because they're trying to be one side,
Speaker:instead of actually realizing the real perfection of the whole of who you are
Speaker:and embrace both sides. And what's interesting is,
Speaker:people go around and say,
Speaker:'I would never do that.' 'I'm always this way.'
Speaker:But that's not real. If I went to you and I said, 'You're always positive.
Speaker:You're never negative. Always kind, never cruel. Always giving, never taking.
Speaker:Always generous, never stingy. Always peaceful, never wrathful.
Speaker:Always considerate,
Speaker:never inconsiderate.' Your own intuition inside you would go and shoot off a
Speaker:BS meter and say, 'No,
Speaker:not really.' You can never have certainty you're one side.
Speaker:You'll always have a little uncertainty in the whispering in your head.
Speaker:And you'd be thinking the moment I said that about you,
Speaker:you'd be thinking about the times you've been mean and cruel and stingy and
Speaker:wrathful.
Speaker:Your intuition will bring it out because your intuition is attempting to make
Speaker:you fully conscious of both sides and love both sides of yourself.
Speaker:You want to be loved for both sides.
Speaker:Your intuition is trying to help you get there. And if I said to you,
Speaker:'You're always mean, you're never nice. You're always cruel, you're never kind.
Speaker:You're always negative, never positive. Always wrathful, never peaceful.
Speaker:Always taking, never giving. Always inconsiderate,
Speaker:never considerate.' You would immediately go, 'No,
Speaker:no that's not true either.' Your intuition would pop up and start thinking of
Speaker:the nice things you're done.
Speaker:It would immediately show you the upsides to what you were being labeled as a
Speaker:downside. And you would never have certainty being one side. But if I said,
Speaker:'Sometimes you're nice, sometimes you're mean. Sometimes you're kind,
Speaker:sometimes you're cruel. Sometimes you're positive, sometimes you're negative.
Speaker:Sometimes peaceful, sometimes wrathful.' You'd immediately go,
Speaker:'That's true.' You can only have certainty when you're authentically
Speaker:embracing both sides of your own being.
Speaker:So trying to get rid of half of yourself and only be one sided is futile.
Speaker:Trying to expect somebody else to be one sided and not both sided is futile.
Speaker:Expecting the world to be one sided and not both sided is also futile.
Speaker:And anytime you have an expectation of a one-sided event and you have a fantasy,
Speaker:unrealistic expectation and delusion you're going to get a one-sided magnet,
Speaker:depression, frustration, aggravation,
Speaker:futility is a symptom you're going to experience,
Speaker:to try to wake you up and associate that pain with that fantasy pleasure.
Speaker:And as long as you're looking to try to get a one sided world,
Speaker:the other side's going to smack you. The more you try to avoid it,
Speaker:the more it pops you.
Speaker:I even say that the more you're addicted to one side and try to be subdicted
Speaker:from the other side, the more the other side follows you. It's like a shadow.
Speaker:Jung called it the shadow following you around after what you think you're going
Speaker:towards the light, the one side, you keep getting banged by the other side.
Speaker:As an old proverb that says what you resist persists,
Speaker:what you try to run away from you run into, what you try to avoid shadows you,
Speaker:follows you.
Speaker:So to say 'I would never do that' is almost inevitably, it's just a matter of,
Speaker:and the more emphasis, the more you would say, 'I would never do that',
Speaker:the faster it comes upon you.
Speaker:And the more you attract event in your life to force you to get that repression
Speaker:to the surface.
Speaker:How are you going to love yourself if you're trying to get rid of half of
Speaker:yourself? So I'm interested in helping you love both sides of yourself.
Speaker:I went to an Oxford dictionary 37 plus years ago,
Speaker:and I realized that when I was pointing my finger at people,
Speaker:I had three fingers pointing back at me.
Speaker:Every time I was judging somebody both admired or despised, looking up or down,
Speaker:they were me. And I noticed that, I observed it in myself,
Speaker:and many times what I was emphasizing to them I was talking to me.
Speaker:Chomsky even says that much of the language is internal
Speaker:you can hear what you say to others to help yourself.
Speaker:And so in the process of doing that,
Speaker:I went through the Oxford dictionary and I actually went through page
Speaker:by page by page and underlined every possible human behavioral trait that a
Speaker:human being could have.
Speaker:It's a big dictionary with very tiny print and very fine paper.
Speaker:And I went through and I found out that I had literally
Speaker:4,628 traits listed and underlined when I got through.
Speaker:And then I went out to the side and I thought,
Speaker:who do I know that exaggerates and lives that trait out the most?
Speaker:And I wrote the initial out. And then I looked in myself and I went okay,
Speaker:where and when do I display and demonstrate that? Where do I do that?
Speaker:When do I do that? And I found out that every single trait, nice, mean, kind,
Speaker:cruel, honest, dishonest, you know, playful serious,
Speaker:every possible trait that you can find in a dictionary about human behavior,
Speaker:I found it. And sometimes I didn't want to face it.
Speaker:And some of the traits that I looked at,
Speaker:I thought were negative or some of them I thought were positive,
Speaker:and it was easier to own the positive, but I didn't want to own the negative,
Speaker:I wanted to avoid that part. But when I looked honestly, I discovered by God,
Speaker:I had that trait too. I found out I had both sides.
Speaker:And no matter how hard I tried to deny that I could find places in my life where
Speaker:I was playing out these traits. So after going through 4,628 traits,
Speaker:I discovered I had all of them, nothing was missing in me.
Speaker:Nothing in human behavior was missing.
Speaker:And going and studying back classical writings,
Speaker:back all the way to Sumerians and Egyptians and Greeks and stuff,
Speaker:I found it in the writings there that the same behaviors were going on there.
Speaker:And if you're trying to get rid of some part of yourself,
Speaker:it hasn't gotten rid of in all these 2005, 3000 years.
Speaker:And if it was really not serving you, it would go extinct. But it must serve,
Speaker:it has to have some other side. So the traits I thought were terrible,
Speaker:I looked for the upsides to. And the traits I thought I admired,
Speaker:I looked for the downsides to, and I leveled the playing field.
Speaker:And then what happened is instead of me running into people and having my
Speaker:buttons pushed, I didn't react to them as much because I go, I do that too.
Speaker:Who am I to judge them?
Speaker:I plucked the mote out of my own eye before I plucked it out of theirs.
Speaker:It was really helpful to me not reacting to people,
Speaker:not judging people and jumping impulsively to a conclusion and label people
Speaker:one sided, because that's not the truth about human behavior.
Speaker:So when I finally owned all those traits and realized I had them and I took the
Speaker:traits I admired and I found some of the downs,
Speaker:and I look at the traits I looked down on and found the upsides,
Speaker:which is what I do in the,
Speaker:what I call the Demartini Method today that I teach in the Breakthrough
Speaker:Experience, it leveled the playing field.
Speaker:And I noticed instead of that individual hooking me with an admiration,
Speaker:an infatuation where I'm conscious of their upsides and unconscious of the
Speaker:downside. And hooking by the resentment where I'm conscious of the downside and
Speaker:unconscious of the upsides.
Speaker:And now I'm run because everything I was infatuated with and resentful to
Speaker:occupied my mind and created noise in my brain and distracted me and ran my life
Speaker:extrinsically.
Speaker:But the moment I leveled that and found that I had that and owned it and leveled
Speaker:it and found the downsides to what was up and upsides to what was down,
Speaker:and balanced it, neutralized it, I ran me.
Speaker:I didn't have the external world dictating my reactions.
Speaker:And instead of me trying to get rid of half of myself and be only one sided,
Speaker:I started embracing both sides of my life. You know,
Speaker:if you want to be loved for who you are, how are you going to do it
Speaker:if you keep trying to get rid of half of yourself?
Speaker:How are you going to love the spouse, your kids, your friends,
Speaker:people in society,
Speaker:if you immediately look at them and having a moral hypocrisy that you're
Speaker:supposed to be on one side and then judge them because of these injected
Speaker:hypocrisies and then end up resenting them because they're not this perfect
Speaker:person. You know, the real perfection is both sides.
Speaker:And when we finally wake up to the perfection of that,
Speaker:we can love and feel grateful for all the people,
Speaker:including the one we see in the mirror.
Speaker:So I'm not interested in trying to get rid of some part of yourselves.
Speaker:I'm interested in loving all parts of yourself.
Speaker:That's why I teach the Breakthrough Experience program and teach the Demartini
Speaker:Method, which is a science of how to love all parts of you.
Speaker:How to love all parts of the people you care about, your spouse,
Speaker:because a lot of times you end up sitting there self-righteously judging and
Speaker:putting them down and they're doing the same thing back and you're both
Speaker:expecting each other to live in each other's values instead of being honest
Speaker:about who they are and they're honestly living according to their own,
Speaker:and trying to fix them and change them, instead of love them for who they are.
Speaker:When you love them for who they are, they turn into who you love.
Speaker:And that's what's something amazing. And what's interesting about the brain.
Speaker:I rarely go through a talk without talking about the brain as you would expect,
Speaker:but everybody has a set of priorities in life, a set of values in life.
Speaker:And whenever you're living by your highest values, the executive center,
Speaker:the medial prefrontal cortex particularly, that center is about objectivity,
Speaker:about seeing both sides,
Speaker:about being neutral by mitigating the risks and calming down the
Speaker:fantasies and centering yourself and not reacting and having more
Speaker:equanimity within yourself and equity between you and other people.
Speaker:And there you learn to love, you're a master of your destiny,
Speaker:you're not reacting. But if you live by lower values,
Speaker:attempt to live in injected values,
Speaker:ideals from others and be part of the herd instead of being heard,
Speaker:and inject the values of these people you've given power to that you've put on
Speaker:pedestals because you haven't seen both sides to,
Speaker:and then try to be somebody you're not, inauthentic, the blood, glucose,
Speaker:and oxygen goes into the amygdala, down in the limbic brain,
Speaker:which is a subcortical nucleus,
Speaker:in that area we're dealing with avoiding pain and seeking pleasure.
Speaker:And we're in survival mode, not thrival mode like the executive center.
Speaker:We're now in mass consciousness.
Speaker:And mass consciousness is basically avoiding predator, seeking prey,
Speaker:avoiding challenge, seeking, ease, avoiding, you know,
Speaker:the negatives and seeking the positives, and the entire movement,
Speaker:the false movement of trying to be always positive
Speaker:all the time comes out of that amygdala,
Speaker:it doesn't come out of the executive center where objectivity.
Speaker:Comes out of the subjective bias world of the amygdala.
Speaker:This subjective bias world of the amygdala is an amazing area because what it
Speaker:does in order to survive, we have to have what they call false positives.
Speaker:When you're out in nature as an animal and you've got a camouflage prey and a
Speaker:camouflage predator,
Speaker:you've got to be able to discern through that camouflage a pattern and see if
Speaker:that's actually food or see if that's actually something that's going to eat
Speaker:you. And as a result of that survival mentality,
Speaker:it's automatically going to accentuate that with a false positive,
Speaker:to get your adrenaline kicking into gear,
Speaker:to make sure that you actually get to run faster,
Speaker:to capture the prey and to avoid that predator.
Speaker:And so it accentuates things and makes them absolute in order to make sure
Speaker:that you survive. Instead of having a poised and present objectivity,
Speaker:you have now a subjective bias that's highly polarized into all positive and no
Speaker:negative, which is the prey, or all negative, no positive,
Speaker:which is the predator. That whole polarization process,
Speaker:that whole subjective bias system,
Speaker:makes us try to get rid of half of ourself and gain only one side,
Speaker:get rid of half of people and gain only one side, and that is not possible.
Speaker:So if you want to go and make sure that you're being more objective,
Speaker:it's important to live by priority.
Speaker:It's important to make sure you know how to dissolve the emotional baggage that
Speaker:accumulates when you're seeing life as a prey and predator,
Speaker:which is distracting you from being present. As a result of that,
Speaker:one of the reasons I teach the Breakthrough Experience
Speaker:and the Value applications and the Demartini Method in
Speaker:Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:is to make sure that you learn how to identify what you really value,
Speaker:make sure that you identify what's highest on your values,
Speaker:make sure you're prioritizing your life accordingly,
Speaker:and make sure you're delegating lower priority things and make sure you're not
Speaker:subordinating to outer authorities and making sure that you're planning and
Speaker:strategizing your life, because if you don't, other people will.
Speaker:And if you don't fill your day with high priority actions,
Speaker:it's going to fill up low priority distractions.
Speaker:And if you don't empower your life, other people are going to overpower you,
Speaker:and you're going to end up in the amygdala if they do.
Speaker:And when you're down in the amygdala, you're going to be polarized,
Speaker:you're going to put false labels on things,
Speaker:you're going to exaggerate yourself or others,
Speaker:you're going to end up trying to get rid of half of yourself or other people's
Speaker:halves.
Speaker:And you're going to be searching for that which is unobtainable and trying to
Speaker:avoid that which is unavoidable. And this is the source of your suffering.
Speaker:So to say I never, you know, I would never do that. I'm amazed.
Speaker:Sometimes people in my Breakthrough Experience come
Speaker:oh, I would never do that,
Speaker:my father was never there for me or my mother was never there for me or they
Speaker:were never nice to me, they're always mean to me.
Speaker:And they're really black and white.
Speaker:In the Breakthrough Experience I have in the Demartini Method a question of
Speaker:asking where were they doing the opposite behavior to break these exaggerated
Speaker:labels you have on people.
Speaker:Because as long as you have a false label on people and false label on yourself,
Speaker:you can't be authentic.
Speaker:How are people going to love you for who you are if you're not being who you
Speaker:are? If you're not actually centered and able to be yourself and be authentic.
Speaker:I'm a firm believer that everything that's going on in your physiology,
Speaker:all your symptoms of your body, is trying to get you authentic and whole.
Speaker:Everything's going on in your psychology and your psychological soundness and
Speaker:wellness, is trying to get you whole.
Speaker:All the symptoms in your sociology and your friends and enemies and things,
Speaker:supporters and challengers, are feedback systems to get you whole.
Speaker:When you get cocky, you attract criticism to bring you down., when you get down,
Speaker:you get lifted by people who support you,
Speaker:to try to get you back into equilibrium where you embrace both sides of
Speaker:yourself. And also, even tragic events and comical events are really mechanisms,
Speaker:feedback mechanisms to get you authentic to where you can embrace
Speaker:the whole of yourself.
Speaker:The second you get cocky and exaggerate yourself and try to deny one half,
Speaker:you get humbling circumstances, hubris. And the second you minimize yourself,
Speaker:you get people lifting you up,
Speaker:to try to get you back into the center where both sides are embraced and
Speaker:honored. So I'm not here to teach you how to get rid of half of yourself.
Speaker:I'm not here to try to make you one sided.
Speaker:I'm not here to teach you positive thinking.
Speaker:You need positive thinking if you're down,
Speaker:you need negative thinking if you're up,
Speaker:you need balanced thinking if you want to master your life.
Speaker:How you going to have a balanced physiology if you
Speaker:How are you going to have a balanced bank account if you don't have a balanced
Speaker:mind? You know, it's interesting,
Speaker:the banks will loan you money with a credit card.
Speaker:You'll go out and shop and you'll have the pleasure of shopping, retail therapy.
Speaker:Then 30 days later, you'll have the pain of paying the bill.
Speaker:They've separated pleasure from pain.
Speaker:And anytime you separate pleasure from pain, you think you can get this,
Speaker:without this.
Speaker:When you go out and shop and you actually don't have a credit card,
Speaker:but you actually have cash and you buy it immediately,
Speaker:you immediately feel the pain of that going out of your pocket,
Speaker:as you pleasure is of buying.
Speaker:And then what happens is you immediately start and think more rationally about
Speaker:your purchase instead of impulsively. So the second you separate the pairs,
Speaker:you immediately go into impulsive amygdala behavior and you immediately think
Speaker:you can get a pleasure without a pain with immediate gratification.
Speaker:But the second you put the pain and the pleasure together and put the pairs of
Speaker:opposite together,
Speaker:you're more rational and objective and you go into the forebrain and then you
Speaker:stop and go,
Speaker:'Is this really a priority?' And then you buy by priority instead of buy by
Speaker:impulse. So anytime we separate these inseparable's, divide the indivisible's,
Speaker:label the unlableble's polarize the unpolarizable's, and name the ineffable's,
Speaker:we have a crazy aspect of life.
Speaker:And we end up saying 'always' and 'nevers'. When somebody says,
Speaker:'I will always do this, I would never stop doing that.'
Speaker:Or 'I would never do that.
Speaker:I'll always this way.' You can guarantee that's an illusion. Nobody's one sided,
Speaker:no event's one-sided there's certain laws in the universe that may show that,
Speaker:you're always going to fall if you jump off a building,
Speaker:you're always going to probably react if you put your hand on fire,
Speaker:but not when it comes to the general principles of human behavior,
Speaker:you're a two-sided individual. Every pair of opposites come together.
Speaker:Heraclitus 2,600 years ago wrote about this and said,
Speaker:there's a unity of opposites and anytime you separate them you eventually get
Speaker:humbled to find out that they're actually comes a pair. And quantum physics,
Speaker:particles and antiparticles are entangled.
Speaker:They appear to be separated by a de-coherent measurement,
Speaker:but in actuality they're always paired with an opposite side.
Speaker:And the moment you see both sides and become present with both sides,
Speaker:you go back into your executive center, you get objective in life,
Speaker:you get appreciation, love, inspiration, gratitude,
Speaker:you end up having a whole nother state. You end up having mastery.
Speaker:So I'm not here to try to get rid of you, half of you,
Speaker:I'm here to help you understand and love all parts of you.
Speaker:That's one of the reasons I teach the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:and one of the reasons I'm teaching the Demartini Method,
Speaker:to try to help people who have basically been dividing themselves up. You know,
Speaker:they say it in biblical writings that you divide your house,
Speaker:the house doesn't stand. And any time you divide yourself up, you can't,
Speaker:you'll fall. So you're not here to be one sided.
Speaker:You're here to embrace two sides of life.
Speaker:So I'm a firm believer that if you embrace both sides of your life,
Speaker:you're going to have more gratitude, love, inspiration, enthusiasm, certainty,
Speaker:and presence, more mastery, more leadership skills.
Speaker:And I've been demonstrating that and proving that in
Speaker:and with this method for many years now, decades, in fact,
Speaker:so I'm not here to say, get rid of something, I'm here to embrace all parts.
Speaker:So if you say never say never,
Speaker:you now understand that term and where it comes from,
Speaker:because it's not about a one sided world. It's about embracing both sides.
Speaker:So now,
Speaker:our brain is automatically designed to help us fulfill our authenticity.
Speaker:Everything that's going on in our life is actually trying to get us authentic,
Speaker:everything that's going on in our physiology, psychology, sociology,
Speaker:and even theology is trying to help us become authentic self, our whole,
Speaker:both sided being. So beware. If somebody says to you,
Speaker:'You're a mean person.' I immediately go, 'Yep.
Speaker:At times.' I definitely have demonstrated things that other people have
Speaker:perceived as mean. If they say, 'You're a nice person.' 'Yep.
Speaker:At times.' I've been honest. 'Yep. At times.' Been dishonest. 'Yep.
Speaker:At times.' When I look at my life, there's nothing missing.
Speaker:At the level of the essence of the soul, which is the authentic you,
Speaker:the state of unconditional love, nothing's missing in you.
Speaker:At the level of the existence of your senses,
Speaker:where you judge things and be biased and subjective biased in the amygdala's
Speaker:response, you automatically think there's things missing.
Speaker:You're too proud or too humble to admit what you see in others inside you,
Speaker:and you end up judging people. And whenever you judge people, you feel empty.
Speaker:And whenever you love people, you feel full. If you want fulfillment in life,
Speaker:it's owning both sides, seeing both sides,
Speaker:honoring both sides and not living in a moral hypocrisy of trying to
Speaker:be a one-sided individual. It's not going to happen. You can try,
Speaker:you can lie to yourself. I have people that come to me and said, 'I never lie.
Speaker:I'm always honest.' And I just go,
Speaker:'Aren't you lying right now?' <Laugh> I'm a firm believer that if you perceive
Speaker:more advantage than disadvantage about something, you'll do it.
Speaker:If you perceive more disadvantage, you won't.
Speaker:And we are both honest and dishonest at different times in our life,
Speaker:if we're really honest with ourself.
Speaker:We skew things and exaggerate things. In the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:when people come to me, I ask them to pick somebody that they resent.
Speaker:And each time they come in there with something they resent about an individual,
Speaker:I have them go through a series of questions. Okay.
Speaker:Where and when do you display and demonstrate that
Speaker:They first they define what they resent, the specific action that they resent,
Speaker:where do you do it? And then they find out my God,
Speaker:I've done it to the same degree they have, quantitatively, qualitatively,
Speaker:I've done the same thing. To their dismay, there it was.
Speaker:And I make them look and accountable and I don't make them make things up,
Speaker:I make them hold them accountable until they really look and they go, wow,
Speaker:I've been denying it and have been exaggerating me and minimizing them,
Speaker:I've been too proud to admit what I see in them inside me.
Speaker:And then I go and find out, how did it serve you? If a trait is on this planet,
Speaker:it must serve or it would've gone extinct.
Speaker:What's the benefit of that behavior that they did? How did it help you?
Speaker:Is it helping you realize what you're judging in yourself?
Speaker:Is it making you wake up? Is it helping you become more humble?
Speaker:Is it helping you to communicate more effectively?
Speaker:Is it helping you get off your high horse and pedestal? Is it making you real?
Speaker:Is it making you learn how to communicate more effectively? As I said.
Speaker:All those things, there's a benefit to it. And the thing you think is down,
Speaker:what's the upside, if you balance it, find out where you've done it,
Speaker:where you've done it and how did it benefit the people you've done it to.
Speaker:Where has that individual done the opposite behavior? At that moment,
Speaker:when that was occurring,
Speaker:where were you infatuated with the opposite behavior
Speaker:magnet? Because anything you infatuate with a trait,
Speaker:the opposite comes in to balance it. If you're addicted to protection,
Speaker:you'll attract aggression. If you're addicted to peace, you'll get the warrior.
Speaker:You're addicted to order, you'll get chaos.
Speaker:If you're addicted to somebody that's free, you'll attract constraint.
Speaker:Nature always has pairs of opposites.
Speaker:And anytime you try to get a one sided world,
Speaker:you're automatically going to get feedback, it doesn't exist.
Speaker:So I went through that in the Demartini Method and I helped the people who come
Speaker:there with this resentment, and when they're done,
Speaker:they just actually have gratitude, they have love for this person.
Speaker:I even ask them;
Speaker:if this individual were exactly the opposite of what they resented,
Speaker:what would be the drawback? And I cracked the fantasy.
Speaker:Many people have a fantasy of trying to get a nice without a mean,
Speaker:and then the thing that they do that they perceive is now mean because they're
Speaker:comparing it to some fantasy they have. As long as you're addicted to fantasy,
Speaker:your life will be a nightmare. As long as you're addicted to elation,
Speaker:you'll feel depressed. Depression is a
Speaker:comparison of your current reality to a fantasy you're addicted to.
Speaker:Anytime we're addicted to one side,
Speaker:the other side smacks us because the magnet is whole. And if we are, you know,
Speaker:distress,
Speaker:the distress response is actually a result of being addicted to one side and
Speaker:being smacked by the other. That's called distress. When you embrace both sides,
Speaker:simultaneously, you have eustress, and distress is illness promoting.
Speaker:So embracing both sides of life is basically an empowerment,
Speaker:but trying to get rid of one side of life is futile. And I mean, futile.
Speaker:It will be futile trying to get a one side life.
Speaker:If you're in a marriage and you expect nice without mean, not going to happen.
Speaker:Kind without cruel, peace without war. If you look carefully,
Speaker:I've asked thousands of families, 'How many have you had peace and war,
Speaker:nice and mean, kind and cruel?' All the hands go up.
Speaker:'How many have had only peace?' No hand goes up.
Speaker:I'm talking about thousands and thousands of people. So don't live in a fantasy.
Speaker:The magnificence of the way life truly is,
Speaker:is far greater than the fantasies you'll impose on it. So beware.
Speaker:When you say 'I would never do something like that',
Speaker:take a look at where you're already doing it.
Speaker:Because you're already pointing your finger back at yourself,
Speaker:and own the traits. I always say, when you own all your traits,
Speaker:the world outside you doesn't run your life.
Speaker:When you embrace all parts of yourself and love all parts,
Speaker:it's easy for other people to do that.
Speaker:And when you realize that they have both sides,
Speaker:it's more realistic about your expectations on them.
Speaker:I don't have an expectation somebody's always going to be nice to me.
Speaker:That's completely delusional. If I want them to be nice
Speaker:I have to learn what they value and communicate in those values.
Speaker:And if I want them to be mean,
Speaker:I communicate in a way that doesn't meet their values.
Speaker:I can be nice as a pussycat, mean as a tiger. And so can they.
Speaker:So learning about human values,
Speaker:which is what I teach in the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:learning how to communicate in people's values respectfully,
Speaker:learning what your own values are,
Speaker:so you can communicate what's important to you in terms of what's important to
Speaker:them, changes the game. And embrace both sides of your existence.
Speaker:The world around you has two sides. You have both sides.
Speaker:The people around you have both sides. Even an objective has two sides.
Speaker:A fantasy is one side, and fantasies aren't going to get you anywhere.
Speaker:You don't have a fantasy to go to Mars,
Speaker:you have an objective and you mitigate the risks and you prepare for both sides,
Speaker:the challenges and the opportunities that are there,
Speaker:and the opportunities and the threats as they call it in business development.
Speaker:So embrace both sides and your life changes.
Speaker:So I just wanted take the time to understand that, never say never,
Speaker:because if you swear you would never do something, it's coming upon you.
Speaker:Or you always, the same thing, don't always say always, because if they say,
Speaker:I would always be that way, I would never do that,
Speaker:you can guarantee that it's just around the bend that you wake up and be humbled
Speaker:by this illusion. Embrace both sides of yourself.
Speaker:In the Breakthrough Experience that's what I'm teaching people to do.
Speaker:The person that comes to Breakthrough, they come in with a resentment,
Speaker:they go out with love. They come in there with an illusion,
Speaker:they go out with an understanding.
Speaker:Now they're prepared for an objective world and they can now not live in this
Speaker:fantasy of trying to get a one-sided world. Remember what the Buddha says,
Speaker:the desire for that which is unobtainable, one side of the magnet,
Speaker:and the desire to avoid the other side of the magnet, that which is unavoidable,
Speaker:is the source of human suffering.
Speaker:So I just wanted to take the time to address that, this this little webinar,
Speaker:hope you got a few notes out of it.
Speaker:And I'd just like to share with you something that I know will help you.
Speaker:And that is <laugh> I hope it comes up here, the Breakthrough Experience.
Speaker:If you want to master your mind and your life and you want to have personal
Speaker:tools that can actually transform your life,
Speaker:I guarantee you that this program is a powerful tool.
Speaker:I've been doing it 33 years. 33 years plus now, it's over 33 years.
Speaker:I've done it 1,146 times in many,
Speaker:many countries around the world,
Speaker:a hundred thousand people more have been to this program.
Speaker:And I am absolutely certain if a person comes to this program,
Speaker:will open their mind, open their eyes, help them be more appreciative of life,
Speaker:more grateful for life. They're going to end up having more love, inspiration,
Speaker:enthusiasm, certainty, and presence.
Speaker:I'm going to show them how to dissolve baggage.
Speaker:I'm going to show them how to empower each of the seven areas of life,
Speaker:because any of your life you don't empower, people are going to overpower.
Speaker:I'm going to show you how to not subordinate to people,
Speaker:which injects values and distracts you,
Speaker:disempowers you and clouds the clarity of a mission.
Speaker:Show you how to define what a mission is,
Speaker:what's really important and how to have meaning in life,
Speaker:to extract that meaning out of whatever happens in your life.
Speaker:I'm going to show you how to basically a manifestation formula,
Speaker:how to take what it is you dream about and put it into reality.
Speaker:I'm going to show you how to wake up your natural born leader inside,
Speaker:so you can lead the way instead of being a follower of the herd,
Speaker:so you can get heard. I'm going to show you basically how to master your life.
Speaker:It's a very powerful two day experience. It's about 24 hours with me.
Speaker:You've got 30 minutes with me right now,
Speaker:but if you can imagine 24 hours of intense stuff and practicals,
Speaker:things you can actually take home with a manual that you can use the rest of
Speaker:your life. In addition to that, I also want to make sure you know,
Speaker:that you can also get,
Speaker:be part of a community from around the world of people that have been through
Speaker:that program that understand that and be able to use that and have a network of
Speaker:people that are more on the path of mastery.
Speaker:And so you're not surrounded by people that always want to keep you in,
Speaker:the crabs in the bucket syndrome. So if you want to grow from that,
Speaker:come and join me at the Breakthrough Experience.
Speaker:One of the things I love doing is transforming people's lives.
Speaker:Just like I love doing these presentations. I love transform life.
Speaker:I'd love to help you transform your life.
Speaker:I'd love to show you how to master it and do something extraordinary with it.
Speaker:So come and join me at the Breakthrough Experience.
Speaker:I know it'll make a difference and thank you for joining me for this little
Speaker:webinar. I know that each of these days,
Speaker:we wake up a little bit of an idea and stimulates you,
Speaker:but I look forward to seeing you next week,
Speaker:but come to the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:the people's lives that I've seen and the transformation,
Speaker:the letters I've received are tear jerking,
Speaker:mind blowing and amazing people out in the world are a result of that
Speaker:Breakthrough Experience of doing extraordinary things.
Speaker:I'll see you at the Breakthrough Experience.