Hello, Boomer Banters. I want to tell you a story. In 2001, I was living in a suburb of Washington D.C. and I was laid off from the startup company I was working for the day before the planes hit the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. That was a very scary time to be around D.C. and out of work. I looked for a new job for quite a while and finally took a job and a center director at a Sylvan Learning center, making about a third of what I had been making. But I found that I loved working with the children and I was good at building the business. And so I approached the owner to see if she would be interested in selling the business to me, but she was not. So I started to look for another business that would be similar in that give me the opportunity to work with children and a learning type of an environment. And I found a very new franchise called Kids Art. And so in 2005, I bought a large Kids Art territory and I was so excited about the program. It really was encompassed everything, the education and creativity and, you know, holistic thinking about what you possibly can do. And the program really sold itself. I mean, Most of the PTAs in the elementary schools wanted to bring that program in as one of their after school programs. And so as it started to grow, we, I eventually had 14 teachers. I, we would do summer camp programs. And in 2009, the Kids Art franchise that I owned, Wonderful, the Franchisee of the Year award for Loudoun County, Virginia. I saw the impact the program was having on the kids we were teaching and the teachers felt the sense of fulfillment and the program that they brought to the kids, they were so proud of. And I felt a great sense of purpose and fulfillment with this program. At the time 2005 when I started it, I was 52 years old. But you don't have to start a new business to find vitality and discover your purpose. Today we're going to explore some of the steps I have used to live the type of life that will help you feel more vitality. Welcome to Boomer Banter, where we have real talk about aging. Well today, we're going to talk about finding your vitality, rekindling dreams and purpose in your later life. And as you listen to this episode, think about the people in your life that might need a little extra inspiration right now and point them towards this program, this episode. You can share it with them from where you're listening now or you can say, look for Boomer Banter wherever you look. Listen to podcasts or find it on YouTube and if you enjoy listening to Boomer Banter and you like what we're talking about, then I would love it if you would think about supporting the work that we're doing. You can do that by going to buy me a coffee.com heyboomer0413 you can make a one time support or you can join our community while you're there. So it took me several days to write this episode. I had lots of ideas about what I wanted to say. But you know, putting it on paper makes it real. And then speaking out loud to all of you listening makes it even more real. So what if you don't like what I have to say? Or what if it doesn't inspire you to explore the possibilities that finding purpose and following a dream in later life can be an exciting opportunity? Would that mean I failed? Or would I have failed if I chose not to use my voice to share some of what I have learned? I need to be totally honest with you right now. Part of the challenge in writing this episode is that in many ways I was talking to myself. It's so very easy to look back over the year and focus on all the things that did not happen that I wanted to happen or all the things that happened that I wish had not happened. And then of course there is that Currier and Ives Christmas image that never really illustrates the reality of our family's times together or the time that we're not spending together. Henry David Thoreau said men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to their graves with the song still in them. It is the song of joy that we all want to sing, and that is the foundation of this episode today. When we find what brings us joy and we practice it, our vitality comes alive, our reason for being shows up, and our dreams become possibilities. So why do we find it so difficult to take the risk of speaking out, to try something new, to be open to change? We like to play it safe, stick with what we know, even if it is leading us to live a life of quiet desperation. And there's another, equally powerful quote, this one from a man named William Mather Lewis. He was the president of George Washington University and Lafayette College from 1923 to 1945. And he said, the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin living it. It is a tragedy to put off living life as we get older. But living life to you is probably different than what it means to me. But I think most of us can agree that Living life has to do with meaning and purpose and feeling like we are contributing to our community in some way. My purpose with the Boomer Banter Podcast is to encourage you to live your life the best way you can for as long as you can. And my purpose for my life is to be in relationship, to feel valued for who I am, and to share wisdom and caring with others. So today I want to explore three ideas with you that might make the transition into a new chapter of life, whether it's retirement, a significant birthday, or the turning of a new year, a bit less scary and overwhelming. So first, I will talk about our mindsets. One more quote. It is said that Henry Ford said, whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right. So we are going to examine our mindsets and how we can find help from them, or how they can prevent us from rekindling dreams and finding purpose in our later life. Second, we're going to dig into your values as a way to discover your unique purpose at this stage. And third, I'm going to help you explore new ideas, embrace curiosity, and take those little steps out of your comfort zone into what could bring you vitality and fulfillment. So for this part of the discussion, I'm going to focus on retirement as an illustration. If it makes more sense to you, substitute aging. Substitute the new year or any other significant change that makes sense. So when we talk about retirement, many of us look at it as an ending, but it's also an opening. It can be the opening to an exciting new chapter. The image that we've been given of retirement is one of leisure, which sounds wonderful at first, but it does not take long before we become bored with having no sense of meaning. Except we wake up, we eat, we putter around a little bit, we eat again, putter some more, and before you know it, it's time to go to bed. And that's not the life we want to live. For most of us, we need to have a reason to get up. We want to feel useful and purposeful. For many people, it is difficult to find that meaning and purpose once they leave their careers. And there are several reasons for this. There may have been a time when you dreamt about X Fill in the blank at one time, many, many years ago, I dreamt of starting a camp for disadvantaged children. At the time, I was a single mom of two beautiful little ones, and the dreamed seemed unrealistic to me. Maybe it was and maybe it wasn't. But my limiting beliefs, the idea that I had to play it safe kept me from exploring this dream. Do you find that there are times when a dream of what could be next in your life pops into your head and you push it away? Are your limiting beliefs telling you this is a ridiculous idea? Do you not believe it's possible to pursue this dream? Are you concerned that other people would laugh at you if they knew what you were thinking? These are common thoughts and feelings as we transition to a new stage of life and many people stay in jobs because they have no idea what they would do if they left the job. Many people leave their jobs and have the feeling of being isolated, disconnected from who they were, and they struggle to find a new identity. When I lost my job due to the COVID shutdown, I had a dream of encouraging people in my generation that we're not done yet. We still have a lot to give. We can still live meaningful lives well into our 80s and beyond. Podcasting was a way to do this. Many people questioned me about this move. I heard things like, no one in our generation listens to podcasts, or hardly anyone anyway, or how are you going to make any money podcasting? But I had come far enough in my personal work and beliefs from those days when I said, oh, I can't start a camp, that I knew I was going to try this, even with others expressing doubts around me. So what if I told you that it is possible to explore your dreams, live your vibrant lives, and find a harmonious balance of exploration, self expression and fulfillment? It is possible. Maybe not all the time or every day, but it is possible to create new experiences and opportunities even as we age. They might need some slight tweaking. Our dreams may change as we age, but don't quiet them. Listen to what your dreams are saying. I remember when I spoke with Donna Fries. That was episode 162, and Donna had been a teacher at a community College for over 40 years. And she loved teaching. She loved her students. The idea of retirement terrified her. She felt that she got so much meaning and purpose from her work, and she was afraid that once she left, she would be isolated and lose most of her social interactions. So she knew she needed a plan, and after much discussion and consternation, she actually was going to retire sooner and stopped that. So it took a while, but she settled on the idea of becoming a life coach. Luckily for Donna, synchronicity happened first. She was invited to speak to a group called Renew Yourself. And it was there that she met women who were recent widows, and she saw a great need to offer them support through their grieving process that became a new niche for her. And then her curiosity about the areas she was living in led her to write some books about the history of her area and she got them published. And when her husband brought her bought her a gift of a Corvette, she joined a Corvette club. Donna saw doors open and she walked through them. Was she afraid? Oh, you bet she was. But she also was determined to create a new chapter that was full of experiences, purpose and vitality. So you know what else holds us back from thinking about a fulfilling and meaningful chapter in this next stage of life? It's the idea that we are measured by how productive we are and by how much money we make. Oh yes, money is important. And we do talk about building financial security for our later years. That's one of the topics that we cover in this podcast. But productivity does not need to be a goal after a certain point. Now listen to what I said. I said it does not need to be a goal. As you discover what gives you purpose and vitality, you will determine how much productivity that requires. For me, as a podcast host, speaker and coach, being productive is important. There are only so many hours in a day and I'm surprised at how much work it takes to do the things I do. But you know, most of the time it does not feel like work because I feel like I am making a difference, I am being creative, I am learning, and all of these things are values to me. For Carol, Carol Orsborne, she was a guest in episode 211 just recently. Aging and closing the chapter on a career means freedom. Freedom from doing what society expects from us. Like being productive. It is more about self awareness and embracing the things that bring you meaning, like your family or a garden or giving back. So purpose is different for all of us. It comes down to why something is important to us. In my private Facebook group, which is Boomer Banter. What's next? We just completed a five day aging well challenge. You can request to join the group at any time. The challenge is up there. You can start it even though we have finished the actual five day challenge. But one of the challenges was to explore where you get your joy and use that to help you tune into your purpose. One of the participants said that her purpose was caring, listening, providing comfort, helping those who are housebound. Her why is how the legacy of her life is defined by her caring work. Another participant shared that her purpose is to support others through her business and her poetry, and she finds her joy by walking outside. Her why is the energy and calm she gets from being outside so she can better do the work she does supporting others. In all the years that I have been coaching and podcasting, I have heard over and over I don't know what my purpose is. I don't even know how to figure out if I have a purpose. I'm just a normal person. I'm not going to find a cure for cancer or end homelessness. So maybe I don't really have a purpose. For most people listening to this podcast, we are in a fortunate position of having most of our needs met. We have food, shelter, clothing and all the things we need to meet our physiological needs. For most of us, we also have our safety needs met. Things like personal security, resources, pretty good health and family. As we begin to move up Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we may not feel as secure at the upper levels. And let's be honest, since we are not worrying about our survival for the most part, we're in a position to take action on gathering our love needs, our self esteem needs, and our self actualization needs. So where does purpose come in? I think we can start by defining our purpose at any of these higher levels. Purpose in the dictionary is defined as an aim or a goal having an intention. When you hear that definition you realize that it does not say having a gigantic world changing goal. It says an aim or a goal having an intention. So let's look back at Maslow for a minute. The third level on his hierarchy of needs is belongingness and love. When people leave their careers, there is often a sense of loss of belongingness. They're no longer part of a company or the company's mission. They lose touch with their co workers and they often start to isolate. It does take an intention to rediscover places to belong and build friendships. And I would say this is the time to get quiet to listen to your inner thoughts about what you need and what you want. Take some time to yourself with no particular agenda, just time to be quiet. Maybe it's walking in the woods, maybe it's journaling, listening to music. And don't expect that you will identify what is coming next right away. For most of it it takes time and talking to a coach can be very helpful. But as you start to identify ideas or dreams, ask yourself if your dream is what you really want at this stage of your life, what would it bring you? Now? Imagine how life might be if you are what you are dreaming about. Possible you will never know if you don't try. And even the act of trying is part of the journey of life. So I want to share a few steps with you that I find helpful in identifying what your purpose is. First of all, think about when you have felt the most satisfied, when you experience joy. And I don't just mean happiness. Happiness is a fleeting emotion, but I'm talking about a deep sense of satisfaction and joy. Identifying what brings you joy is a key step in finding your purpose. It's a feeling of pleasure, contentment and delight. And it's important to recognize what brings you joy in order to better understand yourself and find your purpose. So joy can be found in many activities, such as hobbies that you like to spend time with, or spending time with friends and family. It can also come from simple everyday moments like taking a walk or enjoying time in your garden. One way to identify what brings you joy is to take the time to reflect on those moments in life where you have felt the most fulfilled and gratified. So think about those activities or experiences and then consider the things that make you smile or laugh or feel a sense of peace and contentment. And I always think it's a good idea to write these things down. Write down your thoughts and feelings about what some of those moments and activities are to develop a list. So when you're feeling like you need that little extra boost of inspiration or you're feeling a little bit low, you can look back at this list and go, oh yeah, that playing in my garden was good. Or snuggling with my grandchildren did it. Remember that joy is personal and unique to each of us. So don't be afraid to explore and experiment in order to find those things that bring you joy. Another really important step, I think, is to think about your values. And values are the principles that we live by. There are basically two types of values. There's fear based values and conscious based values. Values based on fear are the ones that cause us to take action or avoid action because they make us feel uncomfortable or they make us feel judged. These are the have to values or the you should values. Conscious values allow people to take positive actions. They are the I want to values or the I choose to values. Before you get to creating the life that will bring you joy, meaning and fulfillment, it's important to think about your core values. These may change a little bit over time, but many of your core values are always there, although they may not have been a part of your everyday life for a while. You can find lists of values if you do an Internet search and this will help you get started. Put some time and thought into this. What values are you honoring when you feel really good about something you're doing? What values were you ignoring when you were upset with actions or choices that you made? As part of my work, I always design my word for the year and I start with that work by looking at my values. I do have a comprehensive worksheet that helps you work on defining your word for the year and if you'd like a copy of it, drop me an email at Wendy Eyboomer Biz B I Z and I will send you a copy just because I think it's so helpful. And then the next thing I encourage you to do is look at your life experiences. The essence of this is that we're telling ourselves a story about who we are and many of us are not aware of what that story is. Sometimes that story is filled with words that are not uplifting or the fears that hold us back are prominent. Your story may be based on the belief I should do this, just like those fear based thoughts and values. Initially, I encouraged my clients to write their life story. What were their successes and their failures? Who had the most influence in their life? What did they enjoy and what did they feel like they had been forced to do? I tell them to spend as much time as they need to really get a clear picture. And then I urge my clients to write a vision using all the things they learned about themselves that they want to keep. We all have so many things that are right with us. Our values, our strengths, what bring us joy, how we help others, weaving those into a narrative. A vision for this next life phase is energizing. It brings clarity to the things that will bring you meaning and purpose and you'll feel so good when you finish that. And with the clarity that comes from reviewing your life story come new thoughts and possibilities. As we get older, we naturally start focusing on things that really matter to us, things that fill us up. And looking over your values, your vision, where you get joy, you'll start to write down some ways you can live the life that you want to live. Some of my clients have decided to pursue painting or crafts, and some to nurture their creativity in other ways. Some have decided to pursue volunteer work and give back. I had one client who found meaning as a Red Cross emergency volunteer and another has decided that she's not ready to stop working and so she's developed a new program that empowers up and coming women work, women professionals. Each person pursued these activities with a sense of curiosity. It's a matter of Baby steps. Just trying things out. See how it feels. Remember, you're stretching a comfort zone, so it may feel a little bit uncomfortable at first, but ask yourself, does it honor your values? Does it fit your vision? Is it fulfilling? You're going to know when it's the right one for you. And finally, trust the process. What does that mean, to trust the process? It means showing up with curiosity to do the work that needs to be done. It means being willing to explore new ideas and opportunities to find what feels right for you. And it means you keep doing these things even when you feel like you aren't finding answers as quickly as you would like to. You have to keep curious, keep exploring. You will find it. And that leads me into mindset, right? If you're trusting the process and believing it, you have the mindset that's going to help you find your vitality and rekindle those dreams and purpose. I want you to try an experiment with me for a week. We all have self talk going on all the time. I want you to listen to yourself talk. Really pay attention. How much of your self talk is uplifting and affirming of who you are and how you are living your life? And how much of your self talk is defeating and critical of how you are living your life? Now ask yourself if you would talk to other people in the defeating and critical way that you talk to yourself. Probably not. In fact, if someone else spoke to you the way that you speak to yourself, I suspect you would be hurt. And yet, many of us are in the habit of telling ourselves negative, critical things, especially this time of year. We get upset with ourselves for that extra cupcake or slice of cake that we ate. And we look in the mirror and we chastise ourselves for the extra pounds that we put on during the holidays. Or we don't feel like making all those Christmas cookies again this year. And then we criticize ourselves for being lazy. Or maybe we just don't have the same energy we had in the past. Oh, we tell ourselves we're getting too old to keep making cookies. But maybe the truth is it just is not fun for us anymore without the little ones around. I know that's my truth. Spend a week on this experiment and find out. Like, expand your awareness to how you speak to yourself. And then once you're aware, then you can do something about it. Let me give you a little example. Okay, so one of the most powerful tools for switching negative critical thoughts into uplifting, affirming thoughts is to use gratitude. Let's go back to the beginning of this episode where I told you I was laid off from a tech startup the day before 9 11. As I started looking for work I thought I have good skills, good education, I present well. Oh sure I would have no problem finding a new job, but not only was everyone cautious after 9 11, but tech was reeling because of the dot com bubble bursting. I was also fairly new to the area so I didn't have an extensive network and weeks went by I was not even getting an interview. My confidence was failing. I was feeling defeated, hopeless. My self talk was what a failure I was. So one day I called my son sounding so pitiful, no joy in my mindset at that point. He reminded me of my talents for teaching and training. He reminded me I had not only enjoyed training in the corporate world, but I had also enjoyed working with children. This conversation was what I needed to begin to see a little glimmer of possibility and I walked into the Sylvan Learning center and got the job. Gratitude for the caring wisdom of my son, gratitude for a new opportunity turned into surprisingly gratitude for all the children and their families. I never would have thought of working at a Sylvan Learning center when my whole career had been built in corporate America. When you are not able to see a way out of those self critical thoughts, find someone who will remind you of the strengths and beauty that you bring into this world and feel the gratitude for a good friend or loving family member. Another powerful tool for finding your vitality and rekindling dreams and purpose is to take action when we're feeling worn down, discouraged, and if I'm being honest, bored with ourselves, it's time to get off the couch and do something. This is where the time you put into reflecting on your values is so helpful. You've got that list of things that you like and value. So for instance, is one of your values good health? Well, what actions can you take to start moving more? Having better snacks in the house, preparing or purchasing better meals is one of your values. Friendship? Well, take some action. Spend a time with a friend, call a friend, maybe even write a letter. A real letter, not just an email. I send a handwritten letter to my guests after every show. So many of them are so surprised and appreciative to receive a note in the mail and not just a quickly put together email. Is one of your values Creativity? Have you stopped working on projects or hobbies you once enjoyed? Well, maybe it's time to look for others who have similar interests or join a class that would have all the supplies you need to get started again. You'll be surprised and pleased at how revitalized you feel once you start to take small actions. They might not all work. You might try and call that friend and you never reach them. But don't give up. Try something else. I have one final suggestion. Get started on deciding on your Word of the Year. It will be your North Star for finding vitality and living the life you want to live. Email me at wendyboomer Biz and I will send you the Word of the Year worksheet. Takes a little time because you really have to put some thought into it, but boy is it powerful to have that defined. I used to end every show by saying it is never too late to set another goal or dream a new dream. I still believe that goals will change. Dreams will change as we get older, but they don't have to go away. While I'm off these next two weeks, this would be a great time to catch up on some of the episodes you may have missed. You can look for Boomer Banter, real talk about aging well wherever you listen to podcasts or find us on YouTube. And if you like what I talk about on this show, I think you would really enjoy my friend Beverly Glazer's podcast, Aging with Purpose and Passion. Check that one out too. I have such gratitude for all of you and for your interest and and willingness to share your time with me. I wish you a warm and loving holiday season. I really hope you'll share your thoughts about this episode with me and share your Word of the Year with me and I look forward to seeing you again in 2025. Thanks.