As a child, you need not only love, you need to feel safe as well. And

for me to feel safe, I had to put on a front that, you know, you don't

Inhale all the goodness and exhale all the things

that don't serve you because you matter. If nobody has told you

As men, we want to put our families first. We want to provide for our families

and protect them. But where does that leave us? We're going to eventually

Welcome to Krystal Rowe Impacts, a space dedicated to

empowering you to be the change that your bloodline has been waiting

for. Join me and together, let's inspire change. Kia

ora and welcome back to the Krystal Rowe Impact Podcast. And

today I have my amazing husband with me. Hello, my love.

Hello, my love. Today we're actually going to talk about

something that is a lived experience for

us and that is very, very important. Being

parents of many boys, How

many boys do we have? Four, five, six, seven,

eight? We've raised and raising eight boys, eight

men. And so this topic is

around men's mental health and how today's

society does not support or

talk about really men's mental health. And

we want to share about the impact that it

has had on our life. And it's really important

for us as a couple and the work that we

are doing to normalise talking about

That's a great point, what you just said there, like normalizing it. Men

have grown up with so many expectations put on their shoulders, like

they're the provider, they're the protector of the family.

Me, myself, I was brought up

as an only son, and I had five sisters, they were

all younger than me. Me, myself, I felt like I had a lot of

pressure put on me and expectations, and there's so

many, men out there today that feel

the same thing, but they don't talk about it. They

Why do you think men don't talk about it? Why couldn't you talk

I couldn't talk about it because it was weak to talk about it. Like,

where I was brought up, you know, you had to, you

were one person in your house, like the loving protector

for your siblings and stuff. When you walk out that door, you had

to put on a different mask. You had to be tough and staunch to make

it through the day. I know it may sound really extreme, but,

Especially Māori and Pacific Island

Yeah, don't get me wrong, like my house, there was so much love in

it. My dad loved us so much. But as

a child, you need not only love, you need to feel safe as well.

So you need that safety. And there were

points in my childhood that I didn't feel safe. And for

me to feel safe, I had to put up some

barriers and guard myself and, you know, put

on a front that, you know, you don't want to fuck with me because, you know, although

I was this loving, peaceful person, like deep down inside, I had

to put on this front. And that's, fuck, that's a lot of energy, man. That's a

lot of energy to put on a front, to put

out to the world that you're this tough guy you don't want to mess with, but really you're

And then ultimately you became that. You

became this tough exterior that couldn't

not only intimately give love, but receive love

as well. So that sort of impacted that, which has changed

It has changed so much. Like, yeah,

I could go on and on about so many different stories, but just to keep

it, you know, impactful here, like, and

our mission. Like, I see men out

there all the time and I wanted to myself, you

know, that face he's got looks exactly how I used

to look, you know, and I just want to be able to help these men

get through just simple struggles

What was the biggest pressure that you feel that

impacted your mental health? Like, was it financial

burdens or like family responsibilities? Like,

did you need to show up to, you know, the kids games all

the time as well as do household things or

what, where did the biggest pressure in your adult life

I think, I think all of it. Like how we used

to cope back in the day was, you know, alcohol

would sort of numb the brain because you

know, had all the pressures of work, raising kids, and as you say, taking, you

know, kids to trainings, and we're

okay with that. Like, as men, we wanna put our

families first, we wanna provide for our families and protect them,

but where does that leave us, you know? We're gonna eventually

burn out. And which I did, I did burn out. Like,

I had to not be selfish. Well, in

a way, I had to be selfish, I had to put myself first. to

be able to give to my children. There was a point

there where I know my children felt I may

not have been there for them the way I needed to. And I

have addressed that recently. And

Which adds to the mental health strain and the

pressure. So one thing I was just thinking of

when you were speaking, like kind of like juggling everything and

the expectations, that almost creates a purpose for

you though, but is that your true purpose? You

know, like, did that make you feel fulfilled? Were you filling

your own cup in order to do that? You did mention you

got to a breaking point. What kind of coping

mechanisms did you use to get through?

Like, my whole life, I've got pretty good willpower. So

I would just say, look, that's it. I'm going to stop this. But

then by stopping that, like cold turkey, brings more

pressure. And then you

go from one thing to another thing to compensate

for the thing that you've just given up. I'll just be real

here. So I gave up alcohol for a while and then

I needed something. So then I went to gambling and

then that put more pressure on

me as well. So what

helped me get out of that mentality

or that mindset was I just needed to, I

needed to reset. I needed to sit with myself and be with

myself. Like I approached you, like life was

Because you mentioned before like you had alcohol

and gambling problems. They were like what helped

you to sort of carry on to maintain the pressures

of life and to be able to get up each day knowing that you

could get home and have a box or you could go to the pub and

The whole working week, knowing that Friday, yes, I get

to have a beer and just relax and reset. But,

Yeah. So you used to use gambling and

alcohol as a coping mechanism. And then now, over

other ways, self love, just a

simple modality of breathing. So learning these different breathing

techniques that I've been doing lately has just been so amazing.

And just giving yourself permission to just

Does that mean taking away the pressures? Because I know

time is a big thing for you. You put a

lot of pressure on yourself. Obviously stemming

from childhood, which normally impacts a lot of

our mental health. A lot of adults that

suffer from mental health issues have stemmed from

childhood. And we've learned those, like

you've shared before, that you started drinking from a young age. So

that actually helped you at that point to

get through some mental health issues, which weren't known

as mental health issues, but developed into mental health

issues. And now you've learned how

to cope without alcohol and gambling, which is,

which is amazing. partly because I have some

strong boundaries. But you

I feel you need to want to do it. You do. There's no

point doing something for someone else. And that was my thing. I would always

put everyone else first. I'm that helper. I'm that person

that if someone needs help, I will be there to help them. But I

will put myself last. But now I'm slowly learning that

Put yourself first, fill your own cup up, that

way you can give to others. Because you can't give what you don't have yourself. If

any of you are struggling, if any of

you found what I've just said resonates with you,

just Know

that you're worth it. Know that you will get

through it. You will get through this. Just take

that time. Give yourself permission to just breathe. Just

focus on your breath. Inhale all that greatness that

you are. Because this will

pass. Trust me. It

I think that you are amazing, my love. Personally,

firsthand, I have watched the transformation, the

strength, the tears, the

fearfulness of stepping into that. And

I just want you to know that I think you're so brave. I've always believed

in you. I've known that you have had

the power within you. to overcome these

fears and these mental health issues. I'm

just so proud of you and I know that you've

gone through these things so that other people can

follow the light that you have put out

there, the light that you are shining on men's mental health,

to be that beacon of hope, the proof, the

evidence that you do get

through it. Like you said, inhale all

the goodness and exhale all the things that don't serve you because

you matter. If nobody has told you

your whole life, you're important. You

matter. And you can make a difference in

your life and in your children's life, in your partner's

life, in your parents' life. You can be the

beacon of life in your bloodline. And

We believe in you and we are here to support you

in any way that we can. And we know and

believe with our whole heart, don't we my love, that it

is our mission and our purpose to really shine

that light and help guide you through

this tough journey. It is not easy. It's a

real struggle, but together we

can get through it. So if there's any

advice, any questions, if you need to reach out, please leave

a comment and we will see you on the next episode.