On this episode of the Dudes and Dads podcast, we talk with our friend, Karla Hostetler about
education.
You're listening to the Dudes and Dads podcast, a show dedicated to helping men be better
dudes and dads by building community through meaningful conversation and storytelling.
And now here are your hosts, Joel DeMonte and Andy Layton.
Andrew.
Joel, how are you?
How are you?
I was asking you the same thing.
I'm great, how are you?
I'm better now.
I was working on our car earlier today.
You've had some car problems, troubles.
Alternator, you can't get it out.
It's terrible.
Did you, did the alternator go out on you in an inconvenient place or did you manage
to get that baby home?
It's like, I got a home, but it's in and out.
Like it's charging and it stops charging.
Alternator was the first time I ever had an alternator go out on me, Andy, because I know
you wanted to know.
I was, I was 16 years old driving my car out of the very large parking area at Michigan
international speedway after a race.
And the worst time on alternator can go out is when you were a giant mob of people trying
to leave a major sporting event.
So thanks for bringing up that car trauma for me.
So glad that was a repost memory.
So how are you?
Man, I'm so good.
I want to just give a shout out to my lovely wife, Jackie, who just dialed it in this evening
and made breakfast for dinner.
And I, I love a good breakfast for dinner.
Yeah.
The pancakes, the eggs, the bacon, we did it all.
It's good.
That's good bacon.
Bacon's particularly, and she, she made a lot of bacon, so much bacon actually that
she had to open the windows in the kitchen.
Cause it was smoking.
We got a lot of bacon smoking there.
So I've got that I look forward to that and returning home with the bacon smell at the
DeMott household.
Hey everybody, welcome to the dudes and dads podcast.
Glad to have you here.
Hey Joel, you know what I was thinking about before we get our guests on tonight?
Yes.
It is almost Christmas time.
It is Chris.
Oh, well, it'll be here before we know it.
Close enough.
You could also get this for Thanksgiving, but we have a merch store.
You can get your dudes and dads merch and it's merch.dudesanddads.com.
What a great stocking stuffer to get yourself just that dudes and dads tea that you've been
wanting or the, the hat.
Yes.
The sweatshirt since it is turning cold.
It is.
Do we have beanies?
We have the coffee.
Yes, we do.
We have the gas station coffee review beanie.
You can show up to Thanksgiving with it.
That'll be better than other conversations you could have.
Exactly.
What a, what a great conversation starter to show up with your dudes and dads podcast
apparel.
So head on over to the store, check it out.
All my kids, all my kids, not to spoil it, but all my kids are getting a dudes and dads
gift this year because I believe in shameless self promotion and leveraging my young people
to get out there and get the word out about the podcast.
And you too can join in on wearing and being one of our billboards and wearing, wearing
some merch.
Hey, thanks so much.
Everybody appreciated it in advance by the buyer stuff.
Yes.
So we are talking education tonight.
And so I wanted to bring Carla on.
Carla is a local principal here in our area.
My youngest daughter goes to the school that she principles at, which is how I know her.
So welcome to the show.
Thanks.
So glad to be here.
Hi Carla.
Oh gosh.
We were just telling Carla that she is on this, what was really an elite, an elite and
select group of amazing women that have been on the show.
We tend to get a lot of, surprisingly enough on the dudes and dads podcast, a lot of dudes
and dads on here.
But when we, when we know that there is, it doesn't matter, dude, dad, dudette, whoever,
when we, when we want to have a conversation with someone who knows things about things,
we bring them in.
Right.
And Carla is that person who knows things about things.
So specifically, so welcome.
Normally we normally we ask dad stats, but since you're not a dad, we'll just ask the
Carla stats, meaning family, kids, husband, dogs, pets, whatever you want to tell us.
I have all those things.
So that's a great start.
My husband, JB and I have been married for 25 years, lived in Goshen all of our married
life and we have three, three kids.
Our oldest Noah is 20.
He is recently engaged.
So we're going to add, I'm going to add mother-in-law to all of my extra titles.
Yeah.
So I'm excited about that is getting married in June.
Then we have two seniors, our daughter, Greta, and we have a son, Mosey.
They're both 18, but not twins.
Oh, I know.
You can just do the math or wonder about it or we're going to leave everybody.
No, seriously.
How in the world did you do it?
How have you managed to somehow circumvent typical chronology and having children?
What's the story?
So we have our oldest son, Noah, then two and a half years later, Greta was born.
And then two, about two years after that, we brought our third son home, middle in age,
13 days apart from our youngest daughter, Greta.
Mosey was adopted from Ethiopia and he has been home with us for about 15 years.
Wonderful.
Awesome.
So you are, you are now, you share this in common, one of the third guest who has a child
from Ethiopia on the show.
So awesome.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
And do you re I think raising kids that are that close in age is a thing because there's
not the there's not the older, younger sibling dynamic between the two of them in the way.
Correct.
It's more of a, maybe a competitive spirit.
Well, I think it would have been more competitive had they been the same sex.
So one boy, one girl helped.
When he came home, Greta was very much so she was born talking.
He came home speaking no English, so it was a perfect combination.
That's awesome.
But twins at three, not from birth, but from three on.
That's awesome.
And you previously mentioned that you've been in education for 25 years, been married for
25 years.
So you started both of those adventures at the same time.
We literally got married on Saturday and I went to work on Wednesday.
Oh wow.
We call that poor planning in my house.
I don't know what educator gets married in August, but this one did.
And so every year I'm like, happy anniversary, we'll celebrate later.
It's almost always the first day of school or the first week.
That's so great.
It's just similar.
It's not quite like this, but my birthday is always right when we come back from winter
break and it always feels like a real let down to have your birthday after a vacation.
And it's like, everybody's coming back kind of like down and like whatever.
And it's like, Hey, happy birthday to you.
So someone should, I don't know.
My parents could have planned, but my mom's been, my mom is retiring this coming year
from education.
So congratulations to her.
She's made it.
She's this, I don't know if she's listening, but it's time.
So we wanted to specifically talk to you tonight about ways that parents in general, but I
think specifically men can support their kids' education.
So I think, yeah, like what comes to mind when we say kids' education and parents supporting?
Well start out with a loaded question.
That's awesome.
So actually one thing that came to mind when I thought about this, just this last Thursday
night, we had a literacy night.
WNIT was there.
They were promoting their channel and also literacy things you can do with your kids.
And I was so impressed, probably 80 people in the room.
So impressed.
The dads were there with their kids and not the moms.
There were parents there, both love that, but the dads who came with just their kid,
like I hope it was significant.
It stood out to me.
I was like, good for you.
I actually went around and was like, thank you.
Thank you for coming.
Some of them have little people at home, so mom was probably home with them.
Some of them, I think only children, but I was like, that was really impressive to me
to see.
I don't think that that happens enough, but that they would take the time Thursday night,
six o'clock hour and a half to come hang out with their kid and bring them to school, which
is just not the norm.
Yeah.
So going on to, and well now two years ago, made the decision to become a PTO president
at Goshen Intermediate School under, it was sort of the school was new and so it was like
they needed a PTO and no one wanted to be president.
Ding, ding, ding.
And so I happened to be in the room, but one of the reasons that I took that step was this
desire to get more dads involved in, and we've seen that.
In your perspective, I'm sure there's a myriad of reasons why maybe stereotypically we don't
see dads involvement.
My guess would be, I'll throw out my guess and see if this kind of resonates or what
your experience has been.
You know, traditionally it's kind of, well, dad does a lot of the, all the other stuff
and mom is kind of like the school, like the default school person.
You know, mom's going to be the one that has the conversations with teachers.
Mom's going to be the one that does the volunteering, that sort of thing.
And I just, I wonder, I wonder where that comes from.
If this is just kind of like a, if there's kind of a traditional, like a traditional role
and understanding here, a default, or if there's maybe some other, other challenges or things
that are also going on that kind of tend to make that happen.
Cause it's been my, it's definitely been my observation from my, my vantage point.
Yeah, definitely.
I think that that's probably the traditional, the traditional role that we have seen that
as dads, I don't know, probably started with dads, we're working more, maybe moms are staying
home.
I wonder if that's where it started and then it has come maybe full circle.
It definitely also is about who fills out the paperwork.
If I'm being super honest, like, right.
You put mom's name first and dad's name.
So when I go look up to call somebody, primary contact is typically mom.
And so that's just interesting as well.
Um, as, but I don't know where it started, I would assume there.
And then I think, I think dads are obviously more than, more than qualified and sometimes
know their kids way better.
Um, I often will say to kids, who do you want me to call?
So if you were to give a percentage of that, what would be the percentage that say dads?
Um, most of them say call mom.
My kids, um, wouldn't have said call dad because they knew mom would be way harder.
Cause mom, mom works at school.
Mom knows mom's always going to take teacher's side first.
Dad's probably a little more fair in my house, but I'm going to be like, no, your teacher's
right.
You were probably wrong.
But yeah, I think most kids say call mom.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
Um, when, when you see or experience a kid who like any, any given student and his teachers
are thinking through this, um, you know, a lot of the kids, a lot of the kids that I,
that I serve in my job, I mean, dad, dad is just not in the picture altogether.
And I know that depending on the demographic and where, where our schools are and all that,
that can, that can shift.
Um, what for, so you have, you have these homes where mom and dad are not, not, mom
and dad are not in the same household, uh, together.
That's a very, that's a very real everyday reality.
How how do you as a principal, I'm sure, I mean, I'm sure that's a scenario that you,
that you see and experience.
How do you as a principal think through or how teachers think through bringing, bringing
mom to dad, sort of mom and dad to the, to the table?
Maybe not the same table at the same time, but, but, but trying to engage both, I would
imagine that's a pretty significant challenge.
Right.
I, I think that there's both ways.
So parents who are together and mom and dad are there.
I think traditionally somebody just kind of taking the lead and that makes sense that
somebody is the person of contact, the person who's on the remind app, who's getting all
those text messages from the teacher.
Moms and dads can both be on it.
And I always encourage them to both because then they have the information.
Um, so I think there's that part of it.
There's also split families and then you have families that sometimes can get along really
well together and they can come together and share their 15 minute conference.
And then we've got families who can't and they both need that time.
I think involving parents though is the biggest, is the biggest thing when they know what's
going on in their kids' education.
And quite frankly, that's gotta be more than the spelling test.
I mean, that's the one thing teachers and I talk about a lot.
That's the one thing parents are like, I can do that.
I know how to do that.
So helping parents make sure they understand the changes in curriculum.
It's not the way we did math when we were in school.
I mean, we heard that a lot and I'm like, well, me either.
But have your kid teach you, reach out to your teachers, ask the questions, find those
resources that you need so that you can support your kids because they do need your support
and they do need to know that what's happening at school is important to them more than how
is your day fine.
Just told the story tonight to somebody that we have people who come to school and look
to sign out their kids.
I'm like, oh, who's their teacher?
I don't know.
Oh yeah, sure.
I'm like, okay, well great.
Yeah.
Fourth.
Okay.
Well, give them three choices and they're like, maybe.
And I'm like, okay, well I'll just look it up.
Nevermind.
Yeah.
Oh, it doesn't happen a lot, but it's just interesting to me where I'm like, are you
having any kinds of conversations at home about school and the adults that you're spending
all of this time with?
I mean, you people I'm floored when I think about it, they bring their kids to school,
they drop them off, they trust them with us for seven hours a day.
Yeah.
And they're like, and I've been guilty of this at times.
I'm sure, I'm sure it's going fine.
I'm sure it's good.
I'm sure it's great.
Until it's not.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, and I think to your point too, I think some of that, especially as they get older
too, that makes it even harder to get involved because it's easy for me with Hattie, right?
Yeah.
And the stuff, I can go through that and learn and know that stuff pretty easily.
But when I get up into the upper grades of my other kids, sometimes that I don't remember
that stuff.
It's been a long time since I've been in high school.
All right.
Algebra, algebra.
The other day I pulled out some MX plus B thing out of the back of my brain.
And now do I know what it means?
No.
But I remember like I was talking with Josiah about this eighth grade math.
And and there, there is that point where, where you do start feeling like I, I am not
like I have, I have a son, Aaron, he's in an intro to engineering class right now.
They're doing, they're doing CAD design and things.
Yeah.
Not, not in my, not in my skill set.
Right.
But in the early, but the earlier ages, and I think this is, and Carla, I'd be interested.
Is it, how much is it really about you staying in step through with your kids and knowing
all the things through school versus those early years of, you know, early years of intervention,
the reading together, I think just some of the, some of the basic things, right?
Like the reading together is that, yeah.
Yeah.
You can't, I mean, there's no way none of us can keep up on all those things.
And I tell kids even now I did sixth grade once.
I don't, I don't know.
I can find out how to do it, but I can't tell you I can do it right now.
Right.
Elementary kids think, you know, everything, which is pretty awesome most of the time,
but then other times you have to admit it.
You're like, yeah, I don't know how to do that either.
So no, I'm not going to help my daughter with chemistry anytime soon, but being in relationship
enough.
And, and I think what you're talking about, Joel, is giving them the resources and teaching
them to be resilient, teaching them to problem solve, teaching them to ask the questions.
I can't be with you all day, every day.
So you have to go and figure out the answers to these things.
So I think that that's part of, of walking alongside of them as they become adults.
But I think it is the basics when they're in elementary school and way before I tell
parents all the time, if you would do one thing with your kid, if you would literally
read with them every night or have them read to you, it doesn't matter.
Honestly, it doesn't matter.
Do every other page, every other paragraph you read to them for the 30 minutes or 20
minutes, have them read to you.
And if you did nothing else, we could change the trajectory of kids' lives.
A big effort here in Elkhart County where we are here in North central Indiana for all
of you listening outside of the area, but a real, a big discussion, important discussion
about kindergarten readiness in particular.
And we tend to think like education, I think it's easy cause it's like, okay, you start
in kindergarten, the educational process to your point begins so much, so much earlier
beyond that for our kids to thrive and to succeed.
And that's where, you know, I think there's all kinds of opportunities, certainly.
Right.
And I think reading brings that, right?
You don't have to have, you can be reading any book and talk to your kid about what's
going on.
There's a problem, there's a solution, there's characters, there's all the things that are
going on.
You don't have to have a degree in education to talk to your kids.
And I think that books just bring that out naturally.
You're not trying to look for a situation to talk about.
We're just talking about the story.
And I think that that just interaction with them and them being able to talk about what
they read or what they heard is just so meaningful to kids when then they come to school and
they have some shared experience, they have some background knowledge.
And that's the kind of thing that if we start at five, some of them can't catch up or we
spend a lot of time trying to catch them up so that they can have a shared experience
with their peers who did get all of that.
Yeah.
So for us, there's a book series that my son had read in high school and my wife decided
to read the same thing.
And then it was great to watch them be able to talk back and forth about the characters
and the different plots.
And it was fun to watch their interaction and how they bonded over that book series.
So yeah, I like that idea.
So when the kid comes home, this is the, I think I've probably gotten this question wrong
for a long period of time.
But when your son or daughter comes home and you want to know about their school day, what
is the question that is asked?
The one that you should or you shouldn't ask?
The one we all ask is, how was your day?
That's exactly right.
And they say fine.
Or good.
Or they just stare at you.
Yeah.
You get a lot of mixed responses, but they're about all one word.
Yes.
Yeah.
So I think the questions you can be asking or should be asking definitely are just more
in depth.
It can be subject matter.
Did you learn something new?
No.
Well, I send you to school every day.
I hope you're learning something new.
But I think you got to get past that.
How'd you help somebody today?
What made you smile?
What made you sad?
What did you see that you liked?
What did you see that you didn't like?
I think you have to kind of get past those one word answers where they can just be like
good, bad, eh.
And dig into that a little bit because something happened.
They were there for seven hours a day.
They ate lunch with people.
They played with people.
They had classroom discussions.
They had a special...
Interacted with all these other adults and kids.
But I think it's getting to the heart of it.
And sometimes you're still going to get eh.
But I think there's lots of things we can't ask.
And I think it's important to make that conversation not just a one way conversation too, but where
I can say, "Hey, this is the part of my day that I really enjoyed.
I was at work for eight hours a day and I did this and I interacted with this person."
So they know it's not just a, "Hey, how was your day?
I'm trying to pry."
Right?
Right.
And my kids will ask and then I'm like, "Oh, I don't really want to relive the whole day."
But then I think modeling that for them and going back to something that...
Something that happened or something that was really difficult.
Because I think when mom comes home tired from dealing with everybody else's kids, it
has been difficult over the years to be having something left for them.
But just sharing enough so I can keep things private that are supposed to stay private,
but giving them enough of a glimpse.
My daughter came to school her whole junior year for the first hour of the day.
She needed an extra class.
That was probably the best thing that ever happened for us.
Because she would come home at night and be like, "Did things get better?
Was the rest of your day good?"
And I was like, "Some days, yeah.
And other days, like, absolutely not.
Thank you for asking."
Yeah.
But yeah, I love that.
Sharing the day with them, I think is important from our perspective as well.
So when we think about learning environments within the home, because obviously the school
is a particular kind of learning environment, structured in a certain way.
But our homes are learning environments too.
And I think all of us would hope that our homes are places that are conducive to learning,
that are especially in, obviously, this will go out and say at the outset of my four kids,
they all learn a little each a little bit differently.
So we're not quite the exactly like the custom learning environment for every single one
of them, but probably some overarching things that we can do within our homes or thinking
about to be conducive to learning.
What would you identify for parents?
Yeah, I think knowing that your kids are all different, I think is huge.
Starting there, knowing that every kid is going to learn differently.
I tell parents all the time too, when they get home, we please let them play.
Like, let them have a break.
Let them, whatever that looks like, please go outside and play.
That's what I would love them all to do.
To not be on a screen, to engage their minds in some way, but also just to have that mental
break and then go back to that homework, if there's homework.
I think big overall learning environment is just what we're teaching them in the day today.
I think teaching them how to change their alternator in their cars is amazing.
I hope one of your kids was out there watching that.
My one kid goes to Wawa C for the thing, the whole automotive thing.
So he actually teaches me a lot.
But even better.
So I think that those experiences where it is just involving our kids in whatever the
extra is, church, home, our work, family, changing a tire, an alternator, planning a
garden.
I think that kind of learning is what's happening.
I would love to tell you that I did flashcards with my kids and taught them how to read before
they went to school and they knew all the things they did not.
They had amazing teachers who helped them with those things.
And I think it's our job to give them that background knowledge of how to learn, like
how to sit.
And that's where we're at now.
Did you know how to sit for more than five minutes?
Can they listen?
Can they follow one step directions?
Those are the things that if kids came to school able to do and were ready to learn,
then that goes back to that kindergarten thing where we can't catch them up because we can
do the academic work.
That is our job at school.
We can do that.
Yeah.
And there is a, you know, I'm sure for plenty of young people, for plenty of kids, you know,
home is, you know, it's probably a little chaotic.
There's a lot of things going on.
There's any number of other additional challenges and struggles that they're facing.
And our kids are bringing those things with them to school.
And this is the increased challenge of a teacher.
I think my biggest, you know, for me personally, it's like, I would like to say that I have
a very firm view on like what the job of the school is and what it is not.
And yet it seems to me that the school has become the default place that just tries to
be the catchall for...
Well, yeah, that's shifting.
A lot of that is shifting, I think from like where school is just like education, but you
have kids that go in there early for food and you know, all sorts of different things.
Right.
And teachers are not parents.
Schools are not parents.
They are, you know, and that's, I mean, we've said on the show again, again, that's why
this is one of the fundamental beliefs of this show is that we, as dudes and dads and
as, you know, parts of families, we have a unique and very specific role that we are
to play.
And it's not one that gets to be outsourced or should be outsourced when it's very specifically
ours to do.
And that's our, that's our encourage or encouragement for dads specifically is to, is to be strategic
about, about the places that you can make, you can make an impact.
And that's how have the reading time with your, with your, with your kiddo.
And it doesn't have to be, by the way, it doesn't have to be long.
No, no.
In fact, I, you know, for, for me, a lot of times, especially for Hattie, like, well, as
I'm putting her to bed five, 10 minutes, we'll read through her Bible story that she's got
going on there.
And sometimes I read and sometimes she does.
And so, yeah, it just kind of kind of depends.
You know, I like to see like both of it because I like to be able to read to her, but I also
like to hear her read and I know that she does a good job at reading.
And so I want to hear it.
Yeah.
And I think then that when you read, then you have more time to ask them about what
they heard.
And that listening comprehension skill is just as important because it's one of those
beginning stages of reading when I can understand and have something to talk about.
I think that that in the classroom, that's what we're always trying to build is having
a place where we're teaching everybody something, pick a subject matter, and then they can,
even if they can't read at all, they're having that shared experience with their, with their
friends.
And then that makes me want to actually try and dig in.
But back to your point of schools can't do it all.
So we need parents help, but we have kids.
And I think this has been the norm in the bigger, greater Elkhart County.
Cause I worked at Elkhart community schools for 16 years and then came to Fairfield, which
has been amazing, both places, amazing for different reasons.
But I think we're just starting to see more in the Northern Indiana area part, just more
influx of that schools need to be more for kids.
And that's hard.
It's hard for teachers to be social workers and moms and dads and the nurse and teachers
all at the same time.
I mean, we're asking them sometimes to do almost impossible jobs.
Yeah.
That's for, especially for younger teachers.
So being a, being a, someone who's in the non-for-profit world a good portion of the
social workers that I engage with are teachers that went to education, made it one or two
years and then said, no, no thanks.
Right.
And there's, there's plenty of those.
There's plenty of plenty of teachers that my wife is hiring as sales, as salespeople who,
you know, we're at the somewhere between the three and four year mark, something like that.
And then they made the decision to opt out.
And then, and I would say, and Carl, I, I don't know if you've talked me off a ledge
on this.
I have, I have a concern that some of our best are leaving.
Right.
I think some of our best haven't given it, don't stick it out long enough to be the best
because they just get really frustrated and burned out in those first five years.
And so I think if they don't have good administration around them, if there is not good support,
then I think it's easy to be like, this is not what I meant, what I thought it was going
to be.
Even if you'd asked them, I think 80% of teachers say, I knew I wanted to be a teacher when
I was in third grade.
I had this great, great teacher and by fifth grade I've always wanted to be a teacher.
And then you have to have that hard conversation of like, well, if that's what you've wanted,
then don't give up too soon.
But it is one of the most difficult jobs with the dynamics of school changing.
Go ahead.
So what, what can parents, dads, parents, moms do help support teachers from burning
out?
Yeah.
I think honestly, it's that, that being there and knowing that when we don't, teachers don't
have to always be right.
We have one side of the story, like right when we're calling.
But I think that when parents call back or have that conversation, you just trust them
and believe them and hear them out through the whole thing.
Assume the best from that teacher and that adult in the, in the classroom or, frankly,
when I'm calling.
And your kid's going to have a different side of the story and that's fine.
And that is very fair to the kid to hear their side of the story as well.
But the number of conversations, unfortunately that we get back sometimes of like, well,
then he said that you said, and I'm like, yeah, I think so.
Just being a listening ear when they call with the problem and then reaching out in
the times when there are no problems because there's tons of kids who never have problems
at school.
But I think a encouraging email, phone call, a note, you're doing a good job.
Thank you for being with my kid for seven.
I mean, my kids spend more time with their teachers and they do with me.
All of us, right?
Who send our kids to school, especially when they're little and they go to bed super early
once they get home.
So I think that that just, that connection between home and school is really important.
Some people can volunteer in schools.
I couldn't, I was at school running my own.
I couldn't be at my kid's school, but I tried to reach out to their teachers and let them
know, like, I see you, I know it's hard.
I hope my kid's not hard, but yeah, probably are sometimes.
But I think it's that connection in anything that we do, that human connection.
Well, and I think that's good.
I know, we had talked about traditionally some of the things may have been because moms
were stay at home and so they could do a lot more of the volunteering.
And I think that's good to know for those of us who can't come in during the day.
I have a full-time job.
My wife has a full-time job.
And so hers is a little bit flexible, but I can't necessarily come in and volunteer
during the day.
And so that's good to know some things like reaching out to your teachers, just out of
the random, just say, "Hey."
Good job.
You're encouraging them.
Yeah.
I see you.
Like we have two days before Thanksgiving break.
I see you.
Yeah.
And then the 15 days before Christmas break.
I mean, and I'll just say, you know, last week we did, or yeah, this past week, did
a Thanksgiving meal for our teachers, the PTO did.
And you want to see a teacher light up, bring in a hot meal for those people.
You know, that was the, I mean, one of the greatest things we did as a PTO was got warming
plates for all the food that got brought in so that because now just right now everybody
gets down, can get down depending on the schedule down to the teacher's lounge at the same time.
But just some, I just say that as just some intentionality, there's a number of different
ways you can say, "Thank you."
And we've, again, as a PTO have just, a lot of it has just been the volunteer, like doing
specific asks for parent involvement, kind of creating another, another avenue for parent
involvement.
So we do like, this is an idea, like we do like do days of giving.
So like right around this time of year, like going into Christmas break, teachers are running
out of some stuff in classrooms and things like that.
So we just have them make lists of things that they're like the consumable stuff they're
running out of.
And hey, grab a few of these things, send it with your, send it with your kiddo.
That things like that.
It's easy for parents to dismiss that as small, as seemingly small sort of stuff.
The fact that it's done and that it comes in, I think says something.
I think that's amazing.
Yes.
And do it at the beginning of the year.
Like when you're buying your kids' school supplies anyway, just get extra.
And then if you're sending it in now, teachers would be, they're the most gracious people
I've ever met.
And they also, the smallest things make the biggest difference.
So yes, a hot meal or food that they didn't have to provide and I didn't have to pack
my lunch.
I think we all like it, but there is something about food in the teacher's lounge that makes
everybody better.
You whispered the word cinnamon rolls in the morning for breakfast.
People are like today, no tomorrow.
Okay.
But then they have something to look forward to.
So I think there are some things that cost money, but I think that there are lots of
intangible things that don't cost any money that mean just as much.
I mean, a thank you note, like I said, I just think that words of affirmation are so many
people's love language anyway.
And so I think to know that somebody thought about them and sees them, I think that that
would be, that would just bring a lot of joy to a lot of people.
And that costs nothing.
Right.
Yeah.
When you sort of mentioned, I think this kind of relationship management that needs to occur
between between parents and teachers and kind of a, I think a consideration that there are
multiple, multiple viewpoints and perspectives to have.
And that, I mean, I don't know, I think as a parent, it's just fair to say, and I'm parents,
I hope you hear and dads, I hope you hear this.
Like I just, and I love my children, but I'm just going to assume that they're wrong.
Most of the time, I'm just going to, I'm just going to assume that I'm going to take what
I know to be true about my regular experiences with my kids, that they are still navigating
life.
They're figuring things out.
They don't always get it right.
They have limited perspective of all on all of that.
And then I'm, and then when my kid says like, Oh, so-and-so is unfair, dot, dot, dot, I'm
just going to at least ask the, at least ask some, some priming questions of them.
Right.
And do the little, a little pre interrogation if possible of like, Oh, well, what did you,
what'd you do?
What'd you do?
What'd you do first?
What'd you say first?
What did you say first?
What did, how did you know?
He started, I don't care who started it.
What'd you say next?
Yeah.
I think, I think all of that is true.
I think that if we can, we can step back and dig down to what happened and maybe they made
a wrong choice and maybe they didn't.
But I think just having that, that conversation with them at home and letting them know you
don't always have to be wrong, but the school's not always wrong either, but we are going
to get to the bottom of what happened and come to some kind of resolution.
And it's not me just calling and defending you at school.
Cause I want to hear what the teacher had to say.
And I want to hear what, and it doesn't matter what happened to the other kid.
I think that's really important because I want to talk to you, my kid at home.
For you as a principal, do you always keep it?
Do you always, I'm just wondering, I'm wondering how the balance goes of the there's this,
that there is a possibility that the teacher missed something or, or messed up on this
one or, or whatever is that absolutely.
Yeah, absolutely.
And so I know like as a, as a boss, I'm always trying to be very, very cautious about like,
I'm never going to throw one of my staff members under the bus.
I'm going to be respectful about all of those sorts of things.
What have you found helpful in nav in kind of navigating the like, okay, I think we all
need to say our sorrys or we need to navigate this and to come to a better conclusion.
What, what is helpful in those conversations?
What's what's first of mine for you?
Everybody wants to be heard.
So that's, that's number one for me.
So the parent calls, I'm like, if you talk to the teacher, no.
Okay.
But I'm not, I typically, I know they're mad or they're upset or frustrated about something.
So I usually like, why don't you tell me anyway, I want to know if they have, cause I want
to know where we are as the boss.
Like you did talk to the teacher and it didn't get taken care of.
That's a different, that's a different problem for a different day.
But I also want that parent to tell me what happened because then I feel like I can diffuse
or ask a lot of those clarifying questions.
But then I, I typically don't have the answers for them.
I'll find out, I will go figure it out.
I will call you back, set in a time to, to circle back and then going and just like with
our kids going and getting that other side of the story.
Can you, can you explain what happened and can you tell me?
And there's usually a little bit of truth to both.
And then I kind of find myself somewhere in the middle.
But yeah, we have, we screw it up, we mess up, we, we forget, we make mistakes.
But I think that we have to model that for our kids and our parents as well of like,
yep, you're right.
We missed it.
We can, my, one of my favorite lines is we can always do better because I do, I believe
it.
I'm not just saying it, but we, and then that's my job.
And then to circle back with the adult because sometimes it's better in teachers who made
a mistake and other times it's those zero to five teachers who don't yet know.
And they're so kind of say how nervous they are to talk to parents.
So nervous parent teacher conferences, phone calls, emails, how many people show up in
my office with a shaking hand of like, I got this text and I don't sit down, let's talk
out reminding them or teaching them for that first time of how to communicate.
I just want to put yourself like you're 23 years old and like parents hear me on this
and in 23, 24, whatever newer teacher, and you've got a schedule 25 to 30, 15 minute
high impact, highly accurate, get to the point, but yet be cordial and open and all of that
meetings with people who are twice, it could be twice your age could be, you know, like,
cause I have felt that with some new teachers when I'm going to sit down and I, I'm now
again, I've been at this, I've been in this gig long enough from just, I'm just like,
I'll just break the ice right away and be like, listen, you're, you're killing it.
And you're one of, you're one of my kids' favorite teachers and we're just, we're just,
Hey, thank you for taking, we're just glad to have the time with you.
What can we do to, and that's always the, what can we do to help kind of, kind of question,
but thinking about motivation, motivating our kids, getting them to have, getting them
to have motivation.
Well, and I think as they get older, that's even more of a challenge.
Yeah.
When, well, you're, someone's, someone's got a little senioritis that he's trying to navigate
through.
And with the kid that just is like, I just feel like they don't want to learn.
And I want them to at least like care enough to like do the work that they need to do.
And I'm so frustrated.
I'm just so frustrated with my kid.
They just won't do the stuff.
What what's going on, Carla?
What can we do?
Well, when you find out, let me know.
I think, I think it's back to that.
All kids learn differently.
All kids are going to be who they are created to be.
And that is all different.
And so they're not all going to college.
They're not all academic love school.
I've met plenty of kids and have one in my house who doesn't love school, but I think
we have to continue to, what is your potential?
What are we asking from you?
What do we, what do we expect of you?
We don't, we don't get D's and F's in my house.
We just don't because you all can do better than that.
And there's consequences for not doing that, but here's, here's where we are.
So I think that finding that motivation, because what are they good at?
I have a kid at school right now who, who he struggles academically.
He's going to be the best adult.
Like I cannot wait to see where he goes as an adult.
He's the nicest kid and he's not, you're not dumb.
School's not, school's hard because he just doesn't love it.
But I, I cannot wait to see where that kid is in 10 years because he's just smart and
in such a different way that has nothing to do with books.
Your son who's an auto is my sons and autos too.
I mean like finding something where he doesn't have to be at school every day, but he's getting
educated in a different way where he's learning something that's going to be useful in his
life.
He may not be a mechanic, but him finding something that's not behind a desk and the
laptop or pencil and tests was huge for him.
So I think finding our kids passions, letting them know school's important and you, you
got to graduate, right?
That's not an option in our house either.
You're going to graduate, but after that you have so many choices, but how do we support
you along the way?
And every kid is different.
So if my first kid gets all A's, that's amazing, but my next kid may, may get B's and that's
really the best they can do.
So I think recognizing that and then trying to avoid some of that comparison with our
own, between our own kids.
So I think, I think supporting kids seems a little bit easier when they're, you know,
K through five, fifth grade, whatever, as they get older, that's a little bit tougher
to spend the time and doing things together as far as like reading and supporting their
education and all sorts of other stuff.
What advice would you give for those of us who have kids in high school and junior high?
Right.
So I think high school and junior high, it becomes there.
We become involved in what they're doing.
So I'm sitting in a lot of gyms.
I'm attending lots of programs.
I'm watching that, you know, I saw you in the gym just this last week.
That's where we saw each other.
Right.
So I think that we are now joining in with them.
So it's not so much motivated by mom says we're going to read or do this, but what are
you doing?
And then I'm, I'm going to be there.
Our kids have known from very young age.
We can't, we won't be at everything.
So we still love you, but we have other things that we're doing and we have three kids.
So divide and conquer doesn't even always work.
But I think joining them in those so that you have questions that you can ask and then
you know their friends and then your social group kind of becomes these families that
you're spending all this time with.
I think that that is the different kind of motivation to, when you danced this weekend
for show choir was amazing and that, you know, and kind of providing that encouragement for
them to keep, keep on keeping on in those things.
And I got to do well enough in school so I can do those extracurricular things, at least
at our house you do.
Yeah.
So thinking about, cause you just touched on this, the idea and the understanding that
not every single one of our kids is going to go to college, that there are different
in public education, when is this shift?
Cause the shift has begun to happen and I'm wondering when it happened, what you think
caused it, where we are now okay with having the, you don't have to go to college, you
know, traditional college or whatever it is after, after high school, what made that okay?
What made that, that seem or, cause not everybody has caught up to this yet, but like it is
becoming more nor more normalized.
And I'm, I mean, I is having one, at least one kid that I know is very much like, yeah.
Yeah.
And same for Andy.
Like is, is very like, definitely has a clear skill set and things can, and I think is going
to be like, I really think a great successful person, but boy, oh boy, traditional four
year college.
Like I would not wish that upon him.
You know unless, unless he changes his mind or whatever, but like, it's not like I feel
like I've just got to ram this down his throat.
What has caused the change?
What has caused, cause I'm, cause for, to you, for me to hear from a school administrator,
that that is an acceptable way of thinking, I think is a relatively new introduction into
education.
Right.
So I think when the state changed some of their graduation pathways, I think that's
where it started.
The conversation started there, I would, I think for the most part.
And then I think it's just seeing kids go to college and making it a semester and then
coming back home.
And then they felt like failures.
They felt like I wasn't good at that.
I didn't do it.
I was, and then everybody's like, well, what are you doing home?
Like having all these people ask these questions and then they just were like, well, no, I
don't, I don't know what to do.
And also I think it's because we don't have qualified workers who are ready to go into
all of these trades.
And so I think trades are doing a good job and schools are doing a much better job of
getting kids out and about.
So Andy and I both have sons in autos, but, um, senior year of my kids since my, I mean,
I think we've been doing it at Fairfield, gosh, five or six years, the senior year,
they can do work-based learning.
And I think that has been huge as well.
But again, it came about as started getting high school credits in junior high.
By the time you got to your senior year, you were almost done.
My daughter needs two credits this year.
So she's doing work-based learning.
Then she goes to school in the afternoon.
And I think providing some of those options gave kids the opportunity at 17 and 18 years
old to make some decisions about what I want, what I want to do.
But also we talk a lot about it in our house of like, everything is, everything is really
on the table.
You really could, but what do you not want to do?
And so go try some of these things and be like, I don't want to do that.
I don't want to put on a tool belt and go outside and work every day in the cold.
Okay.
Well that's now we know one more thing you don't want to do.
So I think having those conversations, but I, I think that skilled workers and we just
need them.
And so I think we need them at 18.
And they will make, and they will make a lot of money.
This is the, this is the other thing.
Like I, I just, um, you know, I, I probably have said this before, but there was back
in the day when I worked with a lot of con with a lot of contractors in the job that
I had, and this was in like, um, like floor flooring, what they call coverings industry,
flooring skilled tile people, things like that.
I didn't have, I was in sales.
I didn't have a client that was under the age of 35 at the, at the time, like no, like
no young people.
And so, and then one day this guy walks in, he was from, he's from Middlebury, he's 20
years old.
And I find out that he's, so he's taking up all these jobs that these larger, like older
contractors don't like, don't want to touch whatever this kid was clearing at 19 years
old, he was making $80,000 a year.
Right.
And probably not even doing the best work, but still like he was, he had, he had, he
had done an apprenticeship for eight for a year after, after high school under, under
somebody who knew, knew the trade and had just like picked up this business and, you
know, got himself a business card and a Facebook page and was, and was working all over Northern
Indiana here.
And I think people who are willing to train young people and do apprenticeships or internships
and then pay for their schooling and will, will pay for that certification or whatever
else that you need.
I think that that is huge too, because then you can guarantee what your employees are
going to be able to do because you provided the training.
And I think that that's amazing.
But yeah, I think this age gap of my husband's going to be 49 and he works in construction
and he will still say, and has said for almost 20 years now, he's the youngest guy on the
job.
Guess what?
He still is.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Like he, like there's just not a lot of people who are really young who are going into like,
yes, I want to, I want to do this.
I'm going to do this skilled work.
And they're going to be able to, I mean, the need is going to be so high.
They're going to be able to name their, their own price.
They're going to be able to, and quite honestly, they're going to be able to name their own
hours even increasingly.
So I just had a conversation with another, with a, with a guy who owns an HVAC company.
And again, said right out of high school, you can come apprentice with him.
You're going to work.
Now, here's the deal.
You don't work 60 hours a week the first three years.
And so that's the other, I think that's the other piece that we have to be talking with
our kids about is just the nature of work.
I think something has gotten sideways on this.
I can become an influencer.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I want to work like anybody that's trying to sell you the 20 hour
work week or whatever, especially when you were young, it's like, it's like, no, so it's
going to be work, but it is going to be meaningful work.
It's going to be, you're going to be kind of charting the charting your own course.
And you're going to be able to call the shots in a, in a much more distinct sort of distinct
sort of way.
And I think those things are helpful to be thinking about and we can start to be having
those conversations and learning, learning the things that we need to learn about good
about just the nature of work in school right now in school and at home.
And I think that those are the, those are the kinds of life lessons that I think that
you, we, yes, we can enforce at school, reinforce at school, but I think it's that work ethic
that you're going to probably get at home.
And yeah, I agree, Joel.
I think that this whole idea of our kids don't get our lives.
We've worked a long time to get to get the house we have and the cars we're driving,
you know what I mean?
And the vacations.
And I think, wow, I wasn't taking, I wasn't taking a Mexico trip when I was, you know,
for my fifth year anniversary.
Yeah.
Right.
We worked, I mean, well, like I graduated into the recession.
I'm going to be 41.
Andy's a little bit older.
Not much.
Me too.
Mom, but we'll learn both of you then.
I had, you know, I was working, me and my wife were working two jobs before we had kids.
We were working two jobs.
And like it was, it was hard and it was a lot of, it was work and it was late nights
and it was things like that, which is, again, it's like you're in your, we were, we were
in our early twenties.
It's like, what a better time to do that than then.
But you know, my kids don't get like, and I'm, I'm even struggling now to like help
my kids understand that we'll have, we'll tell them these stories of like, yeah, you
know how mom and I have like one job right now, each like we used to have two, right.
And we would go to a normal job the first, like first half of the day.
And then we had these other rando jobs that we would take in weird, weird hours or whatever
so that we could survive.
And so that we could, so you may remember that first house that you guys, when we were
born where we were, how do you think that happened?
And, and try and tell those stories a little bit more.
But the fact that the also like, it wasn't always like, it wasn't easy.
No, we, we at our house, we say we call it work for a reason because you actually have
to do something.
You actually might have to work.
It's not always easy.
And so yeah, 60 hour weeks are hard and learning a new trade is hard and sticking it out when
you're unhappy or it's a bad day is hard.
But honorable.
Yeah, correct.
And the, the satisfaction you can get out of a hard day's work, whether it's manual
labor or just using your brain is amazing.
Well, and I think that's one of the reasons that I've loved the whole programs that Fairfield
has as far as, you know, all of the stuff that they do with all of their schools and
they get a chance to do like welding and all sorts of fun stuff that they can see, okay,
this is for me, this isn't for me.
And I know growing up, I never had that.
Right.
I just went to school.
And that's a big shout out.
I mean, our, again, for listeners not immediately near us.
So Fairfield junior high, senior high, you know, just on the edge of kind of a larger
town, but serving more of a, a little bit more of a rural population out in the, out
in the country, but really serving, I would say educating to where a lot of the students
are, a lot of these kids, they're a lot of farm, you know, agriculture, farm kids, kids
that are, they have parents that are in, are in various trades and things like that.
And you know, I, I, I'm so, so grateful for it because it's like, I know my kid, I mean,
the, the idea that, that his high school experience will actually be preparing him where he'll
have in terms of like trainings and certifications.
I mean, he can almost really go immediately, right out of, out of high school and go start,
start a meaningful profession.
And I think that's, and I love, I love that for our kids, but I think that's hard too,
because then I'm also like, I don't want you to go work 40, 60 hours a week when you're
19 years old.
I want you to be a kid and have some experience.
So then talking about that the world is bigger than this place and, and money and work and,
and do the things that you want to do when you're, when you're younger.
Yeah.
Um, thinking about, uh, kind of my last question here, thinking about resources that parents
can pursue to help their kids learn, um, things that are out there.
Um, it's like, man, okay, I want to help my, I, okay, I know I need to do a better job
of this maybe, or I need to be a little more dialed into my child's education as education,
apart from direct conversations with teachers, which we, we want to say yes, yes, yes.
Again and again and again, have that conversation with a teacher.
Um, but apart from that, what are some other things that kind of come to your mind?
Can maybe parents could train themselves up a little bit on?
Yeah, I think it depends on what your kid needs, right?
If your kid actually needs some extra support and tutoring, then there that is available.
You have to go find it.
There are tutoring resources out there that you can, you can look into.
Some schools have teachers who are willing to tutor on the side.
Um, Sylvan center, there's different places that you can find that specific support.
And then I think some of the other stuff is the kids are going to be on devices and we,
we just know they are.
That's another show for another day.
Um, but I think that if they're going to be on their, on their devices, there are lots
of places to, I don't know, trick them into reading like, right?
Like if you don't want to read a real book, then you can read on, read on your device.
And I think that that gives like, you can have some extra screen time as long as you're
reading.
Definitely lots of websites, resources, those kinds of things.
Again, teachers will give you that best list that kind of match what they're doing in school.
Um, and I think it's that extra practice is, is important, but if they're, if they're doing
okay at school, right?
If they're really turning in their work and trying their best at home, it really boils
down to me to those conversations that family time that turn off the TV and all the devices
and sit down and have dinner together.
Some of those things that seem like back in the day when we were kids, we ate dinner together.
I really think that that's just as important to home than reading and doing a little extra
math.
Plenty of studies out there about family, family, well being human flourishing connected
to daily or daily or weekly dinner time.
There's that, that is for sure.
For sure thing.
Awesome.
Well, Carla, this has been a great conversation.
Mom, very excited to be here.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks.
But obviously before we let any of our guests go, and now it's time for the dudes and dads
pop quiz.
These are all the great questions that we come up with.
Oh, and thank you Reagan, by the way, for that one wonderful voiceover.
Reagan's actually in the, in the studio.
She actually texted me and said, can I ask a question?
Oh, so Reagan gets, Reagan gets to ask principal Carla the first, the first question on the
pop quiz.
Reagan, are you ready?
Okay.
I'm going to ask my first question while you can get ready.
Okay.
Carla, uh, Thanksgiving, just a few days away.
What is your favorite Thanksgiving dish?
Two parter.
And what is the worst thing that you have ever eaten at the Thanksgiving dinner?
Oh, this is actually the same, the same answer.
Oh, okay.
Sweet.
So my, God bless my mother.
She made sweet potatoes when we were growing up, which I despised.
I didn't enjoy the texture, but then the brown sugar and the marshmallow and the, no, hated
it, hated it.
But my favorite Thanksgiving food now, sweet potato casserole.
So I don't know if I've just grown up or we just have a better recipe.
I don't know.
I got over the texture maybe too, but that would be my favorite thing.
That's a great Thanksgiving come back story.
Yes.
Right.
Fantastic.
Okay.
Reagan.
Okay.
You gotta get, you gotta get, you gotta get on the mic.
All right.
There you go.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Oh my goodness.
I thought this was a fun pop quiz.
Like, um, well, because talking about education, I could talk about my kids.
That probably is my greatest achievement.
I do love my kids, my personal children, but I think my greatest achievement would be the
over, I don't know, do the math, 25 years times 500 kids.
Geez.
And, and some of my schools were over 700.
So I think that's my greatest achievement.
I hope I am truly leaving a legacy for those kids.
Um, I don't have a relationship with every single one of them.
Um, but I hope that they know how to respect authority and respect adults, but have relationship
with somebody who truly, truly cares about them.
And I do love my job and going every day.
Awesome.
Okay.
Carla, what book should Andy and I be reading right now?
Dude, that's literally the one that I was going to pull.
Oh, well, I beat you to it.
Sucker.
Have you read the anxious generation?
This is on the list.
Yeah, I've yes.
Excellent.
Listen, there's lots of graphs and charts in it, but it really is a good audio book
as well.
Um, but you can also read it.
I did both.
So the anxious generation.
Okay.
Oh, that's totally Andy's thunder.
I got to look for a new one.
All right.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Um, I wish I would have learned well, how to speak a different language.
Oh, good one.
Yeah.
Nice.
Uh, what's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you while it's while at school
as a child or as an adult?
We're going to say as an adult.
Okay.
Listen, I hate to be embarrassed.
I avoided it at all costs at all costs.
So I really, I probably being late, like, you know, like staff meeting or early morning
meeting and you're like walking in and you're like, yep, but I preach it all of you for
being here all the time.
And here I am.
Yeah.
Sure.
Beautiful.
All right.
My last question, if there was a sandwich named after you, what would be on it?
Like there's a Carla Hosteler sandwich.
What would you put on it?
I'm going to go down to the deli in order to the Carla.
What's what's on it?
Okay.
So I'm going to give a little shout out to old style deli in Elkhart.
Yes.
My favorite sandwich.
Oh my gosh.
Which is the grilled Turkey spinach and then this amazing mustard.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Not too horseradishy though.
Cause I don't like horseradish sauce on it.
It's grilled and it's yeah.
Some kind of cheese.
I don't know.
Amazing.
It's old style deli.
You got a last one?
Tom Terrific I think is what it's called.
Oh, not the Carla.
Not the Carla.
We'll just call it Tom.
It should be.
My final question.
I'll do the zombie question.
Of all of your family members, who, who lasts the longest in a zombie apocalypse?
I think my son Mosey lasts the longest.
He's just going to, he's going to outrun them all.
He's going to outrun them.
He's fast and he can run forever.
It's the Ethiopian thing.
It is.
Totally.
It's absolutely a thing.
That or Kenyan.
It's that or Kenyan.
One or the other.
Just a skill, a skill set.
Well, Hey Carla, congratulations.
You have officially passed with flying colors.
Thank you.
Would you tell me if I failed?
No one's ever failed.
So if you were the first, if you were the first one, no, we would, we would, we would
admit that.
And he's like, yeah, we'd tell him.
Awesome.
Well, Hey everybody.
Thanks again for hanging out with us.
If you've got any great ideas for future shows, harsh criticisms, questions, whatever, send
them on over to the dudes and dads podcast@gmail.com.
We also love hearing voicemail, which we don't hardly ever get any of.
People leave us a voicemail.
5 7 4 2 1 3 8 7 0 2 Reagan sent me one the other day.
Thanks Reagan.
But was it a fake one?
She's going to call right now.
Leave a message.
Hey, you can check out this show and all the other good stuff over at dudesanddads.com.
And if you want to get yourself some awesome merchandise, merch.dudesanddads.com.
Get the shirts.
They're lovely.
They're soft.
They're comfy and oh so attractive.
Okay.
Hey, until next time friends, we wish you grace and peace.