1 00:00:00,050 --> 00:00:01,610 You've learned the polyvagal theory. 2 00:00:01,730 --> 00:00:03,200 You are stuck in a defensive state. 3 00:00:03,620 --> 00:00:06,770 You don't know what to do next, and you are looking for hope. 4 00:00:07,370 --> 00:00:09,770 Is it actually possible to get unstuck? 5 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:14,930 Can somebody recover maybe from shutdown in particular, but in 6 00:00:14,930 --> 00:00:16,580 a defensive state in general? 7 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:21,860 Can you actually feel safe and build your body's safety state? 8 00:00:22,730 --> 00:00:25,460 In this episode, we hear from Eva. 9 00:00:25,910 --> 00:00:31,250 She has successfully unstuck herself from shutdown and shares with us a bit 10 00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:38,240 of her story- what's been helpful and gives you super duper practical tips to 11 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,450 start your own untucking process today. 12 00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:43,089 Hi, I am Justin Sunseri. 13 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:48,269 I'm a therapist and coach who helps you live more calmly, confidently, and 14 00:00:48,269 --> 00:00:51,719 connected without psychobabble or woo woo. 15 00:00:51,899 --> 00:00:53,284 Welcome to Stuck Not Broken. 16 00:00:53,433 --> 00:00:58,178 This podcast is of course not therapy, nor is it intended to replace therapy. 17 00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:04,041 Oh, real quick, and before you ask, no, this is not a paid testimonial 18 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,621 from an Unstucking Academy member. 19 00:01:07,281 --> 00:01:14,151 I've had more and more people asking me for stories of success, not necessarily 20 00:01:14,181 --> 00:01:15,921 from the community, but just in general. 21 00:01:15,921 --> 00:01:20,961 Are there stories of success for people coming out of a stuck defensive state? 22 00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:26,511 So that's where this came from- in response to this audience and its needs, 23 00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:32,661 I asked current and past Unstucking Academy students if they would share 24 00:01:32,721 --> 00:01:36,231 their success story, and Eva volunteered. 25 00:01:36,483 --> 00:01:39,543 Once again, Eva, thank you so much for sharing your success 26 00:01:39,543 --> 00:01:40,893 and for helping the next person. 27 00:01:41,463 --> 00:01:45,663 The first thing Eva shares is about her stuck defensive state 28 00:01:46,263 --> 00:01:48,453 and what life used to be like. 29 00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:53,156 so I, I guess I lived in that dorsal vagal shutdown state for probably several 30 00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:57,956 years, and essentially I was a, it was a state of emotional, I guess, numbness, 31 00:01:58,526 --> 00:02:00,566 disconnection, even helplessness. 32 00:02:00,566 --> 00:02:05,186 And I, I wasn't just tired, I was really withdrawn from life. 33 00:02:06,176 --> 00:02:12,206 Um, I began avoiding confrontation challenges and sadly, even joy. 34 00:02:12,296 --> 00:02:14,366 So I didn't want anything. 35 00:02:14,366 --> 00:02:16,256 Everything felt like it was too much. 36 00:02:16,601 --> 00:02:21,281 Uh, looking back, I now realize that I'd operated in, I guess, a survival mode. 37 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:25,661 I was functioning, but I wasn't living for maybe two to three years 38 00:02:25,661 --> 00:02:27,971 prior to, prior to where I am now. 39 00:02:28,127 --> 00:02:31,277 And that disconnection, that's where I really found it most, the numbness and the 40 00:02:31,277 --> 00:02:33,857 disconnection and just that helplessness. 41 00:02:33,857 --> 00:02:39,647 Like I said, it was just the inability to, um, kind of see a way forward and 42 00:02:40,067 --> 00:02:45,737 even, um, yeah, just withdrawing just that real heavy, heavy, heavy feeling. 43 00:02:46,049 --> 00:02:49,619 So was your shutdown more acute, limited time, or was that something that was, 44 00:02:49,829 --> 00:02:51,899 that had been around for a lifetime? 45 00:02:52,001 --> 00:02:55,151 It was a gradual kind of slipping, I suppose. 46 00:02:55,161 --> 00:02:57,741 I didn't really notice other people noticed before I did. 47 00:02:57,861 --> 00:03:00,261 The disconnection and the withdrawing from life. 48 00:03:00,261 --> 00:03:03,291 I hadn't realized that I was doing it as much as I, I was. 49 00:03:03,291 --> 00:03:07,761 That turning point for me when I recognized that I was really stuck and 50 00:03:07,941 --> 00:03:13,236 something needed to change was not a dramatic moment, but a really quiet, and I 51 00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:17,916 guess a painful moment when I noticed that I really did not feel anything anymore. 52 00:03:18,246 --> 00:03:22,056 There wasn't any sadness, no joy, and not even anger. 53 00:03:22,176 --> 00:03:27,711 So I think that's probably, you know, for me, where I was really noticing it 'cause 54 00:03:27,711 --> 00:03:33,501 not that I'm an angry person, but things, things just didn't get under my skin. 55 00:03:33,501 --> 00:03:36,471 I just, I just shrugged my shoulders kind of thing and keep going. 56 00:03:36,471 --> 00:03:41,271 And yes, where I really noticed it was I was sitting alone at a family, like 57 00:03:41,271 --> 00:03:46,521 a social gathering, um, a barbecue, and I was really not wanting to be there. 58 00:03:46,521 --> 00:03:49,071 I was scrolling, really numbly through my phone because I 59 00:03:49,071 --> 00:03:50,871 didn't wanna engage with anybody. 60 00:03:51,441 --> 00:03:55,131 And it was at that moment I could hear people around me having a good time. 61 00:03:55,131 --> 00:03:59,691 And I realized that I hadn't truly laughed or cried or connected with anybody or 62 00:03:59,691 --> 00:04:01,941 anything really in months and months. 63 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:05,091 And I guess that was a moment where it hit me and I realized 64 00:04:05,301 --> 00:04:07,251 that this, this isn't who I am. 65 00:04:08,211 --> 00:04:10,701 Um, I was no longer hiding my emotions. 66 00:04:10,701 --> 00:04:13,791 I'd kind of lost them or misplaced them all together. 67 00:04:14,024 --> 00:04:15,794 So that's like that slipping away 68 00:04:16,228 --> 00:04:16,558 Yeah. 69 00:04:16,634 --> 00:04:16,904 that. 70 00:04:16,904 --> 00:04:18,584 Like in that moment they weren't there. 71 00:04:18,584 --> 00:04:22,844 But before that there was like a hiding or, and we all do it, like there's 72 00:04:22,844 --> 00:04:25,874 some sort of repression or denial or something like that, I'm assuming? 73 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:26,653 Yeah. 74 00:04:26,803 --> 00:04:27,883 Yes, exactly. 75 00:04:28,603 --> 00:04:28,843 Yeah. 76 00:04:28,843 --> 00:04:34,543 And I made up excuses, um, as to why I wasn't doing things or, um, why I was 77 00:04:34,543 --> 00:04:36,313 withdrawing the way I was, you know? 78 00:04:36,313 --> 00:04:40,003 And it, that kind of went well for a while with people, I suppose. 79 00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:42,733 You know, I was working hard, I was doing this, I was doing that, but really 80 00:04:42,733 --> 00:04:45,013 I wasn't, I just didn't want to engage. 81 00:04:45,263 --> 00:04:49,643 So if someone did not know you and they saw you in this, this shutdown 82 00:04:49,643 --> 00:04:53,033 period, would they look at you and say, oh, she's got it together. 83 00:04:53,033 --> 00:04:57,233 She has her stuff together and she has a functional life, or would they see 84 00:04:57,293 --> 00:05:02,723 someone who's like at home, isolated in a dark room or a little bit of both? 85 00:05:02,967 --> 00:05:04,317 I guess a little bit of both. 86 00:05:04,317 --> 00:05:07,917 So if you didn't know me, you would see me functioning and I would take 87 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:11,757 every tiny little bit of energy, which there was not- it was very depleted 88 00:05:11,757 --> 00:05:15,657 anyway, but I would use all of that to get to work and do what I had to do. 89 00:05:15,657 --> 00:05:19,347 But even then, cracks started to appear with colleagues and things like that. 90 00:05:19,617 --> 00:05:23,247 But as soon as I got home, and even when I was going home in the car, 91 00:05:23,247 --> 00:05:25,017 I, I couldn't wait to get home. 92 00:05:25,317 --> 00:05:28,767 So I could go and literally in that dark room closet sometimes, and. 93 00:05:28,877 --> 00:05:31,487 Kinda makes me feel emotional to hear about that now, but 94 00:05:31,547 --> 00:05:32,717 that's where I wanted to be. 95 00:05:32,867 --> 00:05:36,587 And it was, it's funny you should say that, because it was a closet, 96 00:05:36,917 --> 00:05:38,987 a dark closet where it was. 97 00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:39,784 was a closet. 98 00:05:40,067 --> 00:05:40,487 Yep. 99 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:45,077 And there was four walls and it was dark and it was contained and it felt safe. 100 00:05:46,577 --> 00:05:51,707 Um, so that's where I spent a lot of time and it's, yeah, it's a 101 00:05:51,707 --> 00:05:55,757 bit hard to speak about now, but yeah, that's, that was my place. 102 00:05:56,254 --> 00:05:56,734 for sure. 103 00:05:56,854 --> 00:05:57,994 And, um, 104 00:05:58,804 --> 00:05:59,404 Giselle, it, 105 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,384 you, you have complete control here, okay? 106 00:06:02,022 --> 00:06:02,742 Yeah, thank you. 107 00:06:03,004 --> 00:06:03,514 You okay? 108 00:06:04,032 --> 00:06:05,472 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 109 00:06:05,472 --> 00:06:05,892 It's just, 110 00:06:05,892 --> 00:06:06,532 and talking. 111 00:06:07,022 --> 00:06:07,842 yeah, no, I know. 112 00:06:07,842 --> 00:06:11,502 And when, when I go back to think about that, yeah, it's, I, and you 113 00:06:11,502 --> 00:06:12,522 know, I guess we'll get to that. 114 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:15,912 I haven't been in that closet for a while now, so it sounds, it's 115 00:06:15,912 --> 00:06:19,692 metaphoric in some ways, but it was literal for me as well, and it wasn't, 116 00:06:19,692 --> 00:06:21,132 I didn't see it as a bad place. 117 00:06:21,132 --> 00:06:22,790 I saw it as a very safe place. 118 00:06:22,832 --> 00:06:24,842 Yeah, it wasn't living, is what I'm saying, you know? 119 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:29,057 I was very aware that people were out there functioning on a level 120 00:06:29,237 --> 00:06:32,897 that was, I used to be at social and I was a very vibrant person. 121 00:06:32,897 --> 00:06:36,467 I was very engaged with life and, um, people around me. 122 00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:39,647 It was me that was the social, you know, butterfly, so to speak. 123 00:06:39,647 --> 00:06:46,337 And I was very into sports and very into a probably over socializer, um, with not 124 00:06:46,337 --> 00:06:52,517 much of a, a, a break in that, um, in that social space to, to go from that where 125 00:06:52,517 --> 00:06:56,297 I was the, you know, the orchestrator of social gatherings and getting 126 00:06:56,297 --> 00:07:01,067 togethers and parties and things like that to living in a closet, so to speak. 127 00:07:01,157 --> 00:07:02,477 It was really, really hard. 128 00:07:04,187 --> 00:07:04,517 Yeah. 129 00:07:04,534 --> 00:07:05,314 huge change. 130 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:06,047 Hmm. 131 00:07:06,154 --> 00:07:06,844 an enormous change. 132 00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:10,294 I mean, that's the complete opposite of, of 133 00:07:10,427 --> 00:07:10,787 Yeah. 134 00:07:11,104 --> 00:07:15,184 A lot of people would say that this is not my true self. 135 00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:15,604 The- 136 00:07:15,917 --> 00:07:17,267 No, no. 137 00:07:17,374 --> 00:07:18,094 this isn't me. 138 00:07:18,767 --> 00:07:19,097 Yeah. 139 00:07:19,547 --> 00:07:19,847 Yeah. 140 00:07:19,894 --> 00:07:20,704 that's kinda what you're saying. 141 00:07:21,422 --> 00:07:25,862 And then I questioned who I was, you know, and it's like, well, which is the real me? 142 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:29,732 You know, which is the bit that's, um, which part of me is real? 143 00:07:29,732 --> 00:07:32,042 And I, you know, I guess there's still some questions there. 144 00:07:32,102 --> 00:07:34,052 I'm still finding myself along the way. 145 00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:38,252 I don't know that I wanna return back to the old person, but I'm, I'm not sure. 146 00:07:38,282 --> 00:07:38,612 Yeah. 147 00:07:38,672 --> 00:07:42,362 It's, it's a, it's a process and a journey, so I'm definitely on it. 148 00:07:43,609 --> 00:07:44,149 a hundred percent. 149 00:07:44,149 --> 00:07:44,809 Yeah, I agree with you. 150 00:07:44,809 --> 00:07:45,499 I feel like I'm 151 00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:47,149 learning about myself all the 152 00:07:47,432 --> 00:07:47,642 Hmm. 153 00:07:48,332 --> 00:07:48,692 Hmm. 154 00:07:50,419 --> 00:07:54,049 Achieve or unlock or this, it's, it's not just like achieving something. 155 00:07:54,049 --> 00:07:57,829 It's, it's the emotional of like, oh, I'm, I'm capable of that. 156 00:07:58,487 --> 00:07:58,877 Yes. 157 00:07:58,999 --> 00:08:01,849 stuck now than I was comparatively in the past. 158 00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:02,687 Yeah, 159 00:08:03,012 --> 00:08:03,192 All right. 160 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:03,222 Okay. 161 00:08:03,222 --> 00:08:07,362 So you realize that this family get together, that this is not. 162 00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:08,712 I'm not happy. 163 00:08:08,712 --> 00:08:09,552 I'm not feeling anything. 164 00:08:09,642 --> 00:08:11,172 I'm not even feeling anger. 165 00:08:11,172 --> 00:08:12,132 I'm not feeling sadness. 166 00:08:12,132 --> 00:08:12,972 I'm numb. 167 00:08:13,669 --> 00:08:13,879 Yeah. 168 00:08:14,112 --> 00:08:19,602 was, did you take immediate action to help or, or what? 169 00:08:19,602 --> 00:08:20,622 What was the first thing you did? 170 00:08:20,622 --> 00:08:21,312 How long did it take? 171 00:08:21,889 --> 00:08:22,129 Yeah. 172 00:08:22,129 --> 00:08:26,179 I think for me that first step was kind of simple, but it was powerful, and that 173 00:08:26,179 --> 00:08:28,729 was naming that state that I was in. 174 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:29,329 Um. 175 00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:34,249 Learning about the Polyvagal Theory helped me realize that my body wasn't broken 176 00:08:34,249 --> 00:08:36,349 or lazy- it was actually protecting me. 177 00:08:36,409 --> 00:08:38,329 And for me, that changed everything. 178 00:08:38,569 --> 00:08:43,369 I started with those, um, short somatic exercises, orientating to the room, 179 00:08:43,639 --> 00:08:46,249 those soft eye gazes, longer exhales. 180 00:08:46,519 --> 00:08:50,489 But, um, you know, prior to that, which is how I started, I guess 181 00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:51,929 I found one of your podcasts. 182 00:08:52,319 --> 00:08:56,789 Um, um, so I gone googling as you do, you know, I was looking for 183 00:08:56,789 --> 00:08:58,829 something that would guide me. 184 00:08:58,919 --> 00:09:00,839 Um, and I found one of the podcasts. 185 00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:04,354 And the podcast I found was an episode that explained the, the, 186 00:09:04,454 --> 00:09:08,669 the, the states, the defense states in very, very plain language. 187 00:09:08,969 --> 00:09:10,319 And that's what I needed, I think. 188 00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:15,359 And that gave me that permission to stop blaming myself and instead 189 00:09:15,359 --> 00:09:16,949 focus on building some safety. 190 00:09:16,949 --> 00:09:17,279 So. 191 00:09:17,899 --> 00:09:20,149 I guess that's where it all started and that's where those 192 00:09:20,149 --> 00:09:21,919 wheels started turning for me. 193 00:09:22,013 --> 00:09:23,543 Did you take immediate action 194 00:09:24,282 --> 00:09:24,502 yes. 195 00:09:24,593 --> 00:09:25,763 sit with it for a little bit? 196 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,322 No, I think, I think that immediate action, going back to what I was starting 197 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:34,242 with those short exercises, and I remember listening to that first podcast and 198 00:09:34,242 --> 00:09:36,852 then probably binge binge listening. 199 00:09:37,722 --> 00:09:40,482 Um, 'cause I wanted, I understood for a moment there I was 200 00:09:40,482 --> 00:09:42,222 like, oh my gosh, this is me. 201 00:09:42,222 --> 00:09:45,707 This is how I feel, and it was plain language and I understood it. 202 00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:49,547 And so I kept listening and I kind of scrolled ahead, so to speak, 203 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:53,327 you know, went ahead and tried to find the, the quick fix and went 204 00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:55,157 to the building safety anchors. 205 00:09:55,157 --> 00:09:57,377 And, um, I didn't wanna wait. 206 00:09:57,677 --> 00:10:01,487 I wanted to, you know, I wanted the, I wanted that fix, so I went to those, yeah, 207 00:10:01,487 --> 00:10:05,927 those little exercises there that we talk, you know, you, we've been talking about. 208 00:10:05,927 --> 00:10:09,827 So those, you know, the soft eye gazes, the breathing, you know, 209 00:10:09,857 --> 00:10:12,587 orientating myself to the room and things like that, so that. 210 00:10:12,882 --> 00:10:14,232 That's where it started. 211 00:10:15,233 --> 00:10:15,503 Did you 212 00:10:15,642 --> 00:10:15,822 Yeah. 213 00:10:15,863 --> 00:10:16,578 the quick fix? 214 00:10:18,102 --> 00:10:19,062 No, no. 215 00:10:19,062 --> 00:10:23,412 Not a quick fix, but the, I guess the quick fix in some ways was it's 216 00:10:23,412 --> 00:10:26,502 that, you know, that, like I said, it was a simple but powerful one. 217 00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:31,122 It was naming that state that I was in, so that was, it was like a moment 218 00:10:31,782 --> 00:10:33,432 which changed everything, you know? 219 00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:34,872 It changed everything. 220 00:10:35,382 --> 00:10:38,397 So, yeah, and that's, that was quick. 221 00:10:39,192 --> 00:10:42,612 In some ways it wasn't quick getting there, but it was a quick understanding. 222 00:10:42,612 --> 00:10:43,062 I thought. 223 00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:47,262 I thought that I would go through lots and lots and lots of different 224 00:10:47,262 --> 00:10:51,132 therapies and different, um, you know, to try and find the right thing. 225 00:10:51,132 --> 00:10:55,602 But listening to your pod, that first podcast was like, "oh," it was- it 226 00:10:55,602 --> 00:10:57,282 just felt too easy in some ways. 227 00:10:57,342 --> 00:11:00,732 So I felt like I must've been missing something, but it's been. 228 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:02,502 Um, yeah. 229 00:11:02,502 --> 00:11:07,152 It's been, it's been a journey, but definitely one that I felt like it, 230 00:11:07,272 --> 00:11:08,622 it fit right from the beginning. 231 00:11:09,027 --> 00:11:12,267 I'd listened to your podcast, that first podcast, and then 232 00:11:12,267 --> 00:11:13,527 I listened to a few more. 233 00:11:13,797 --> 00:11:18,907 And then you'd mentioned, um, Deb Dana and Stephen Porges. 234 00:11:18,957 --> 00:11:22,017 And so I went off and looked, watched, you know, some of their stuff as well. 235 00:11:22,017 --> 00:11:24,837 But I kept coming back to your podcast 'cause it felt to me 236 00:11:25,077 --> 00:11:27,207 that it was easy to understand. 237 00:11:27,357 --> 00:11:32,458 Uh, it was relatable and I didn't feel like, you know, um, yeah, it, it 238 00:11:32,463 --> 00:11:34,797 just resonated in a way that wasn't. 239 00:11:35,647 --> 00:11:39,042 It, it was science based, but it wasn't scientific, if that makes sense. 240 00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:42,102 Um, so yeah, it really resonated. 241 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,142 So I just kept going on with that. 242 00:11:44,142 --> 00:11:48,252 And then obviously I'd, uh, joined the cohorts as well. 243 00:11:48,252 --> 00:11:51,672 So I'd learned that, you know, the Unstuck Academy, and I thought I need more. 244 00:11:51,672 --> 00:11:56,592 I feel like, you know, the podcasts were a good beginning, but I felt like 245 00:11:56,592 --> 00:12:01,362 I needed a little more, so that's when I, I made the commitment after that. 246 00:12:01,656 --> 00:12:04,926 Anything else been like hugely helpful for you Outside of what I do? 247 00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:07,356 Like, has anything else been really great for you? 248 00:12:07,908 --> 00:12:08,268 Yeah. 249 00:12:08,268 --> 00:12:12,258 So I, I guess beginning, in the beginning you had helped me understand 250 00:12:12,258 --> 00:12:17,838 that neurobiological, you know, neurobiologic, biology of stuckness. 251 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:18,048 Yeah. 252 00:12:18,048 --> 00:12:20,898 Being, um, which helped me demystify what I was going through. 253 00:12:21,766 --> 00:12:25,516 It's been, you know, but it also has been very helpful to share this 254 00:12:25,516 --> 00:12:28,636 journey and learn from other people in our little cohorts that we have. 255 00:12:28,936 --> 00:12:31,606 And that in itself, that in itself has made me feel less 256 00:12:31,606 --> 00:12:33,166 alone and very supported. 257 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:36,676 Um, it's really difficult to describe to other people in my life. 258 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,376 My family, friends and colleagues, what's happening for me. 259 00:12:39,856 --> 00:12:42,286 And they'll often kind of brush it off and say things like, 260 00:12:42,286 --> 00:12:43,396 just, you know, just get out. 261 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:43,816 Just go. 262 00:12:43,816 --> 00:12:46,516 You know, just, you know, you just snap out of it, make a decision. 263 00:12:47,086 --> 00:12:51,196 Uh, and for me that made me feel less, less somehow it really found me feel like 264 00:12:51,196 --> 00:12:56,506 I, I wasn't, I wasn't, you know, made me feel more hopeless, more helpless, 265 00:12:56,506 --> 00:12:58,096 because I couldn't just do that. 266 00:12:58,096 --> 00:13:03,781 So having that safe place where people do understand and being able to share some 267 00:13:03,781 --> 00:13:08,491 of my experiences and listening to theirs normalized, normalized things for me. 268 00:13:08,491 --> 00:13:12,151 And it also inspired me to try new ideas and to continue, 269 00:13:12,931 --> 00:13:14,461 um, my journey in this space. 270 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:18,061 But I also layered it in other different supports. 271 00:13:18,061 --> 00:13:23,041 And that was, I found a trauma informed therapist, um, who worked. 272 00:13:23,371 --> 00:13:26,101 And understood polyvagal theory and worked somatically. 273 00:13:26,251 --> 00:13:31,411 Um, I enlist, yeah, I enlisted the help of, of, yeah, I enlisted the help 274 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:37,261 of a friend so I could practice those co-regulation exercises with her and in 275 00:13:37,261 --> 00:13:42,871 particular for me and her it was about walking and sharing stories of nature. 276 00:13:42,871 --> 00:13:46,231 So being able to do the nature and she was really good at doing 277 00:13:46,231 --> 00:13:47,821 that um, and co-regulating. 278 00:13:47,821 --> 00:13:50,881 And when she saw me become, you know, she started to pick up on 279 00:13:50,881 --> 00:13:54,931 cue, she draw me back to that nature space and you know, where I was. 280 00:13:55,111 --> 00:13:57,841 Um, I also have a journal practice. 281 00:13:58,621 --> 00:13:59,761 I'm pretty good on that. 282 00:14:00,181 --> 00:14:05,791 Um, so where I- I tracked my states, you know, I suppose instead of my moods. 283 00:14:05,791 --> 00:14:09,661 So that was something that we talked about in one of our, um, little things. 284 00:14:09,661 --> 00:14:11,011 And I, I'd started from there. 285 00:14:11,011 --> 00:14:14,941 So tracking where I was at, um, and being able to really be. 286 00:14:15,048 --> 00:14:16,338 your, you and your friend talked about that. 287 00:14:16,458 --> 00:14:16,743 Sorry to. 288 00:14:16,936 --> 00:14:17,716 No, no, no, no. 289 00:14:17,716 --> 00:14:20,686 This is just another kind of, I guess, thing that I was doing 290 00:14:20,686 --> 00:14:21,826 on top of all the other stuff. 291 00:14:21,826 --> 00:14:25,306 So, but we would talk about it, my friend and I. But that journal practice 292 00:14:25,306 --> 00:14:29,236 was, I stopped, I, I guess I've always been a bit of a journaler, but I kept 293 00:14:29,446 --> 00:14:34,066 focusing on the moods in my journal, but then I started moving that for the 294 00:14:34,066 --> 00:14:39,016 states, you know, um, like tracking where I was, being able to identify that. 295 00:14:39,016 --> 00:14:40,996 So that actually helped as well. 296 00:14:41,566 --> 00:14:44,626 Going back to that other question about, you know, what I was doing, 297 00:14:44,866 --> 00:14:51,136 as you know, alongside, I, I started Googling and, and reading and I'd read 298 00:14:51,136 --> 00:14:55,801 books like, um, I think I read The Body Keeps the Score and another one called 299 00:14:55,801 --> 00:14:59,521 Anchored and that that helped validate my experience as well, which was good. 300 00:15:00,211 --> 00:15:04,801 And I think something that you'd said a while ago, which is what I had begun to 301 00:15:04,801 --> 00:15:08,161 do, and I was looking for that quick fix, but rather than looking for the quick 302 00:15:08,281 --> 00:15:13,651 one fix, I started to build a toolkit, I suppose, of those micro practices. 303 00:15:14,161 --> 00:15:18,271 Each one of those little micro practices that we practice, the daily micro 304 00:15:18,271 --> 00:15:22,486 challenges, were helping me access a little bit more of myself each day. 305 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:26,650 Real quick, what she's referring to is the Daily Growth Hub. 306 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:31,600 This is where I post, uh, simple challenges or discussion points to the 307 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,610 community Every day, every weekday. 308 00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:37,750 Um, and there are a lot of times there are micro challenges, like tiny 309 00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:41,470 little 30 seconds to two minutes, little challenges to help boost 310 00:15:41,470 --> 00:15:43,780 safety or, uh, practice mindfulness. 311 00:15:43,933 --> 00:15:44,293 That's, 312 00:15:44,383 --> 00:15:44,743 wow. 313 00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:44,863 You 314 00:15:44,981 --> 00:15:45,201 Wow. 315 00:15:47,653 --> 00:15:48,883 kept going above and beyond? 316 00:15:48,883 --> 00:15:55,153 I think, um, what most people would do, and it's not, that's not sound comparative 317 00:15:55,153 --> 00:15:58,783 or judgmental, but we, we do look for those quick fixes, but really it's, 318 00:15:58,873 --> 00:16:01,603 um, combination of the little things 319 00:16:02,231 --> 00:16:02,451 Hmm. 320 00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:07,063 plus co-regulation, plus nature, plus a therapist, like really just 321 00:16:07,063 --> 00:16:08,323 these things, things came together. 322 00:16:08,773 --> 00:16:11,173 So what has been the outcome so far? 323 00:16:11,923 --> 00:16:15,643 Of these things are you compared to where you were before? 324 00:16:15,643 --> 00:16:17,113 How much safety do you have in your system now? 325 00:16:17,113 --> 00:16:18,673 'cause it sounds like that's really where you put a lot of your 326 00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:20,923 attention compared to where you were. 327 00:16:20,923 --> 00:16:24,283 What of like, and take it away from there, but I'm, I'm kind of 328 00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,293 curious on like a zero 10 scale. 329 00:16:26,293 --> 00:16:27,103 That's where my mind goes. 330 00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:28,093 But in 331 00:16:28,151 --> 00:16:28,211 Yeah. 332 00:16:28,243 --> 00:16:29,293 whatever way you wanna describe it. 333 00:16:29,293 --> 00:16:31,813 How much safety do you have in your system now compared to the past? 334 00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:36,617 I guess I'd describe my baseline as being very low, previously I 335 00:16:36,617 --> 00:16:40,967 was on a, a, a very, I guess two out of 10 in that safety space. 336 00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:42,887 And now I'm. 337 00:16:43,472 --> 00:16:44,087 Yeah, yeah. 338 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,157 Then I was, or would've been about a two outta 10. 339 00:16:46,157 --> 00:16:48,377 And that's what I mean about tracking my safety, you know, 340 00:16:48,587 --> 00:16:50,027 tracking things in my journal. 341 00:16:50,027 --> 00:16:55,982 I, I consistently do my, um do, do that, you know, numbers, I suppose. 342 00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:59,882 You know where I was at and now, and what I've noticed in, in, 343 00:17:00,212 --> 00:17:03,602 after doing this stuff for a little while now I'm more consistent. 344 00:17:03,602 --> 00:17:08,102 That's probably where I'm more consistent is I'm consistently sitting around that 345 00:17:08,102 --> 00:17:13,652 six to seven out of 10, and that means that I can access calm and connection most 346 00:17:13,652 --> 00:17:17,972 days, which is very different to where I was at, which was in the closet not 347 00:17:17,972 --> 00:17:19,742 being able to access calm and connection. 348 00:17:20,275 --> 00:17:24,895 I think what I noticed the most is now I have an ability to notice when I'm 349 00:17:24,895 --> 00:17:30,085 slipping and I can, I can gently course correct, you know, I can gently pull 350 00:17:30,085 --> 00:17:34,315 myself back in with some of the tools in my little micro toolkit that I was talking 351 00:17:34,315 --> 00:17:37,465 about before to bring myself back around. 352 00:17:37,465 --> 00:17:39,715 So I never used to notice that before. 353 00:17:39,745 --> 00:17:43,045 I used to, um, I never understood that before. 354 00:17:43,285 --> 00:17:46,255 I suppose I probably, 'cause I was living in that, I felt like 355 00:17:46,255 --> 00:17:48,925 a constant state of shut down. 356 00:17:49,405 --> 00:17:53,275 But now I can notice when I'm slipping back down that ladder 357 00:17:53,635 --> 00:17:57,295 and then know what to do or try to know what to do before I get there. 358 00:17:57,666 --> 00:17:58,866 it's still a work in progress. 359 00:17:58,866 --> 00:18:00,996 I don't always get it right, but I'm, I'm better. 360 00:18:01,161 --> 00:18:01,551 Yeah. 361 00:18:01,712 --> 00:18:02,042 Oh yeah. 362 00:18:02,342 --> 00:18:02,882 I, I don't. 363 00:18:04,142 --> 00:18:06,212 I think it's a work in progress for a while personally, and I 364 00:18:06,212 --> 00:18:08,522 don't think it's ever something I've ever like done with exactly. 365 00:18:08,732 --> 00:18:10,982 We always, I think, should be practicing safety. 366 00:18:11,363 --> 00:18:13,013 So the baseline, I mean, wow. 367 00:18:13,313 --> 00:18:14,633 Six or seven, I think you said 368 00:18:15,209 --> 00:18:15,599 Yeah. 369 00:18:15,983 --> 00:18:18,683 shift in like ni- really nice increase in Baseline. 370 00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:21,623 This isn't just like momentary practices, but like Baseline. 371 00:18:21,764 --> 00:18:22,634 It's consistent. 372 00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:26,264 I, and going back through my journal, I can see that, you know, which 373 00:18:26,264 --> 00:18:31,784 was, yeah, it had gone from being a consistent two to, you know, jumping up. 374 00:18:31,874 --> 00:18:35,894 So, I mean, you know, it didn't, certainly didn't happen overnight and. 375 00:18:36,764 --> 00:18:40,184 Um, I, I feel like I'm still working on it, but yeah. 376 00:18:40,184 --> 00:18:44,144 I store myself hovering around that six to seven most days. 377 00:18:44,144 --> 00:18:45,614 So that felt good. 378 00:18:46,217 --> 00:18:46,757 Wow. 379 00:18:47,324 --> 00:18:47,654 Hmm. 380 00:18:47,657 --> 00:18:48,017 you don't mind. 381 00:18:48,017 --> 00:18:51,077 I'm, I'm looking up 'cause I don't think you've been in the community that long. 382 00:18:51,827 --> 00:18:52,097 you've, 383 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:52,544 Yeah. 384 00:18:52,697 --> 00:18:52,907 it. 385 00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:54,227 have you been here? 386 00:18:54,227 --> 00:18:54,647 You been here 387 00:18:54,819 --> 00:18:56,654 Uh, six months. 388 00:18:57,314 --> 00:18:58,304 Six, yeah. 389 00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,054 Six months. 390 00:18:59,774 --> 00:19:00,164 Yep. 391 00:19:00,644 --> 00:19:01,934 I, I guess I've made. 392 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:06,149 Yeah, I guess I've made it a, well, not, not like a full-time job, but I've 393 00:19:06,149 --> 00:19:08,219 really put a lot of, it makes sense. 394 00:19:08,219 --> 00:19:10,139 When it resonated, it made sense. 395 00:19:10,139 --> 00:19:13,439 It was, it felt right and it felt right and it made sense. 396 00:19:13,439 --> 00:19:22,409 I could see those incremental, um, shifts and I could feel, um, myself understanding 397 00:19:22,409 --> 00:19:23,459 more about what was happening. 398 00:19:23,489 --> 00:19:28,169 That was probably, like I said, the most pivotal point for me was realizing that 399 00:19:28,724 --> 00:19:32,354 there was an explanation for the way I was feeling and that that neurobiological 400 00:19:32,354 --> 00:19:38,744 explanation and understanding that it wasn't, yeah, it was, it was manageable. 401 00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:44,504 And then the community has been a huge, you know, a huge help for me. 402 00:19:44,504 --> 00:19:49,064 You know, having that, having that ability to connect with other people 403 00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:52,874 who have experienced similar things and learning from their experiences as well. 404 00:19:52,874 --> 00:19:57,074 So that's, I think, um has been a catalyst for a lot. 405 00:19:57,074 --> 00:20:01,604 It's really kind of projected a lot of my healing. 406 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:02,174 Yeah. 407 00:20:03,092 --> 00:20:04,952 Did you no-, I'm really happy to hear that- 408 00:20:05,339 --> 00:20:05,629 yeah. 409 00:20:05,912 --> 00:20:06,752 really happy to hear that. 410 00:20:06,962 --> 00:20:10,352 Did, did you notice that the baseline, it went from like a two 411 00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:15,032 to a seven, was it right away or was it over time that it increased? 412 00:20:15,524 --> 00:20:18,974 Oh, it was definitely over time and there was variances in the 413 00:20:18,974 --> 00:20:24,309 fluctuations, I suppose, so bit by bit, you know, I, I, and that was it. 414 00:20:24,854 --> 00:20:26,144 It was even hard to do that. 415 00:20:26,144 --> 00:20:29,144 Journaling was really, really important, and that's why I say 416 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:32,744 that, you know, was a practice that I had, so I'm becoming very, very. 417 00:20:33,254 --> 00:20:36,044 Um, I guess militant almost about it. 418 00:20:36,074 --> 00:20:40,944 As in, you know, I would really uh, sometimes I write in my journal and, 419 00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:44,999 and record where my safety site was at, not once a day, but many times a day. 420 00:20:45,299 --> 00:20:50,219 So I gradually, yeah, I gradually, you know, I, I actually hadn't 421 00:20:50,219 --> 00:20:52,529 thought about that until I started thinking about the questions and I 422 00:20:52,529 --> 00:20:56,849 went back to my journal and I can see the, the, the gains, so to speak. 423 00:20:56,849 --> 00:20:59,464 I felt like I was in a gym, you know, where you, where you measure 424 00:20:59,464 --> 00:21:02,579 your, where you measure your body fat and things like that in a gym or 425 00:21:02,579 --> 00:21:04,319 your, how much you can lift, I felt. 426 00:21:04,439 --> 00:21:07,289 You know, you don't notice it in the moment, but you know, 427 00:21:07,289 --> 00:21:08,549 over the time I was like, wow. 428 00:21:08,639 --> 00:21:08,939 Yeah. 429 00:21:08,939 --> 00:21:09,239 Okay. 430 00:21:09,239 --> 00:21:09,899 I've moved. 431 00:21:10,682 --> 00:21:11,192 Exactly. 432 00:21:11,257 --> 00:21:13,532 I I love that metaphor, and that's something I say a lot 433 00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:15,242 is you gotta put the reps in. 434 00:21:15,242 --> 00:21:15,992 It's, it's 435 00:21:16,139 --> 00:21:16,499 Hmm, 436 00:21:16,832 --> 00:21:17,432 anything else. 437 00:21:17,432 --> 00:21:20,072 And it sounded like you were not wasting time. 438 00:21:20,072 --> 00:21:23,702 You were very focused on what you wanted to accomplish and 439 00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:24,209 hmm hmm. 440 00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:27,182 just steadily walk down that path and are still doing it. 441 00:21:27,544 --> 00:21:27,834 Yeah. 442 00:21:27,932 --> 00:21:28,982 So, okay. 443 00:21:28,982 --> 00:21:31,952 So nice, really nice increases in safety. 444 00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:35,012 Um, changes are you noticing in yourself? 445 00:21:35,402 --> 00:21:38,372 Uh, are you noticing any connections to yourself or with 446 00:21:38,372 --> 00:21:39,572 others or the other environment? 447 00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,572 Uh, anything you're doing more or less of? 448 00:21:42,846 --> 00:21:45,756 I'm probably, like I mentioned before, I'm probably a lot more self re 449 00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:48,516 reflective without the that spiraling. 450 00:21:48,521 --> 00:21:53,376 So I can, I can really look at where I am without spiraling, and 451 00:21:53,376 --> 00:21:55,416 I'm more attuned to my body's cues. 452 00:21:55,416 --> 00:21:59,466 And that's something that I was not doing before, like really noticing. 453 00:21:59,466 --> 00:22:04,566 I think there's a few things that we spoke about in some of the, um, some of 454 00:22:04,566 --> 00:22:08,286 the discussions that we've had through, um, the Academy there or whatever we 455 00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:13,326 had been talking about um you know, citrus, I remember something, you know, 456 00:22:13,326 --> 00:22:17,646 we talked about, um, being, noticing, you know, how your body reacts or feels 457 00:22:17,646 --> 00:22:19,986 towards things and safety cues as well. 458 00:22:19,986 --> 00:22:21,306 So that was really interesting. 459 00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:24,906 You know, as I'm really mindful, uh, very, very conscious when I'm doing 460 00:22:25,086 --> 00:22:29,226 most of the things today, I'm really paying attention to how my body reacts. 461 00:22:29,646 --> 00:22:31,656 Um, and then knowing what to do afterwards. 462 00:22:31,656 --> 00:22:37,431 And I'm certainly less reactive, so I don't need to run back to the, um, 463 00:22:37,881 --> 00:22:39,741 to the closet as much as I used to. 464 00:22:39,741 --> 00:22:41,751 So I'm, I'm a a lot more tolerant. 465 00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:45,591 Um, I'm reaching out more, um, which I never did. 466 00:22:45,591 --> 00:22:47,061 I was very shut down. 467 00:22:47,421 --> 00:22:50,751 I find myself responding to messages, which I would never 468 00:22:50,751 --> 00:22:52,971 do, um, in that shutdown state. 469 00:22:52,976 --> 00:22:55,676 you are reaching out and responding because you have to or because you 470 00:22:55,676 --> 00:22:57,206 actually feel like you're ready for it and 471 00:22:57,381 --> 00:23:01,791 No, I feel like, I feel like there's a, there's a desire to, like, there was 472 00:23:01,791 --> 00:23:05,991 no desire to whatsoever, so I'm still, I mean, I'm not, it's not perfect. 473 00:23:05,991 --> 00:23:09,711 I'll only respond to certain things and certain people where I feel safe. 474 00:23:10,071 --> 00:23:10,821 Um. 475 00:23:11,081 --> 00:23:14,021 But you know, I wouldn't do any of that before. 476 00:23:14,021 --> 00:23:16,421 So I'm certainly responding to messages. 477 00:23:16,421 --> 00:23:20,201 I'm, you know, I'm making plans with people that I feel safe and 478 00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:23,921 comfortable with, and I guess I'm letting myself be seen. 479 00:23:24,576 --> 00:23:29,436 And letting myself be seen, even the imperfect version of myself, 480 00:23:29,436 --> 00:23:30,846 which I wasn't doing before. 481 00:23:30,876 --> 00:23:31,116 Okay. 482 00:23:31,116 --> 00:23:35,106 I was holding that all together and presenting someone that seemed 483 00:23:35,286 --> 00:23:40,836 on top of it and seemed, you know, capable, but wasn't, you know, 484 00:23:40,896 --> 00:23:43,746 internally or outside of that space. 485 00:23:43,746 --> 00:23:49,596 So now I'm a little bit more willing to let myself be seen in that imperfect way. 486 00:23:50,043 --> 00:23:50,376 Um, 487 00:23:50,376 --> 00:23:51,983 Yeah, I mean, here you are doing this, right? 488 00:23:52,053 --> 00:23:52,343 Like- 489 00:23:52,383 --> 00:23:53,583 Yes, yes. 490 00:23:53,613 --> 00:23:55,653 Yeah, I would, I wouldn't have thought that before. 491 00:23:55,653 --> 00:24:00,363 So the other thing, yeah, the other thing is I'm, I'm really finding I'm 492 00:24:00,363 --> 00:24:05,163 ruminating less, you know, I'm ru- I, I used to ruminate a lot in that closet. 493 00:24:05,343 --> 00:24:07,743 Um, and I'm finding I'm resting more. 494 00:24:07,833 --> 00:24:10,953 So I know that sounds funny because in that shutdown state, 495 00:24:10,953 --> 00:24:12,393 that feels like all you're doing. 496 00:24:12,393 --> 00:24:16,623 But in that shutdown state, it was a constant dialogue in my head. 497 00:24:17,073 --> 00:24:20,193 Um, and now there's a more restful state, which I like. 498 00:24:20,673 --> 00:24:24,843 Um, and you know, not going around and around and churning things over, 499 00:24:24,843 --> 00:24:27,243 which was just really difficult. 500 00:24:27,453 --> 00:24:32,278 Um, i'm starting to find one of the big things for me was I stop, stop 501 00:24:32,278 --> 00:24:36,058 listening to music and I'm finding myself listening to music again. 502 00:24:36,238 --> 00:24:38,968 And, you know, even that music was too overwhelming. 503 00:24:38,968 --> 00:24:39,988 It was too much. 504 00:24:40,108 --> 00:24:44,428 And I'd always found, um, myself listening to music as a way of, 505 00:24:44,998 --> 00:24:46,918 you know, um, yeah, feeling good. 506 00:24:46,918 --> 00:24:49,228 But I shut that down and shut that out. 507 00:24:49,228 --> 00:24:51,448 So I'm starting to put that in. 508 00:24:51,508 --> 00:24:53,458 I'm my dark closet. 509 00:24:53,818 --> 00:24:54,898 That I spoke about. 510 00:24:54,898 --> 00:25:00,028 So I'm beginning to let sunlight back into my space, which I felt 511 00:25:00,028 --> 00:25:01,378 like a vampire for a while there. 512 00:25:01,378 --> 00:25:02,638 I, I just didn't want it. 513 00:25:02,638 --> 00:25:03,418 I didn't want music. 514 00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:04,258 I didn't want light. 515 00:25:04,258 --> 00:25:05,788 I didn't want anything, nothing. 516 00:25:06,238 --> 00:25:11,068 There was nothing, you know, and even I. I've started, there's something 517 00:25:11,068 --> 00:25:13,348 yesterday I've known, I'm on a bit of a sourdough kick right now. 518 00:25:13,348 --> 00:25:15,808 I'm starting to cook for pleasure, you know, not just 519 00:25:15,808 --> 00:25:17,368 for survival, but for pleasure. 520 00:25:17,668 --> 00:25:19,408 And I, I'm enjoying it. 521 00:25:19,468 --> 00:25:23,068 You know, I'm, I'm enjoying putting that energy, you know, or finding 522 00:25:23,068 --> 00:25:27,568 the energy a and b, putting it into, you know, creating something 523 00:25:27,598 --> 00:25:29,338 and being mindful about something. 524 00:25:29,338 --> 00:25:33,418 And yeah, while I'm cooking that sourdough, I'm, yeah, 525 00:25:33,418 --> 00:25:35,158 I'm, I'm there in that moment. 526 00:25:35,158 --> 00:25:35,848 It's sticky. 527 00:25:35,848 --> 00:25:36,448 It's, you know, it's. 528 00:25:37,408 --> 00:25:40,948 Yeah, I'm out of the closet and I'm in the kitchen and it's fun. 529 00:25:41,638 --> 00:25:43,738 So it's not just because I need to eat, because I need 530 00:25:43,738 --> 00:25:45,988 to survive, but I need to eat. 531 00:25:45,988 --> 00:25:50,758 And prior to that, I'd lost a hell of a lot of weight, um, in 532 00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:52,438 my shutdown space, like a lot. 533 00:25:52,648 --> 00:25:58,738 And, um, because I didn't want to eat and I didn't, there was no pleasure in eating. 534 00:25:58,918 --> 00:25:59,248 I didn't. 535 00:25:59,773 --> 00:26:02,383 I didn't wanna prepare anything and I didn't need to eat. 536 00:26:02,383 --> 00:26:03,673 I wasn't doing anything. 537 00:26:03,673 --> 00:26:08,443 So I, yeah, I lost a lot of weight and people were commenting on that. 538 00:26:08,443 --> 00:26:12,973 So I know it sounds funny, the cooking for pleasure, but now I'm doing that 539 00:26:12,973 --> 00:26:14,293 and I'm enjoying what I'm eating. 540 00:26:14,293 --> 00:26:17,953 It's, it's a lot of bread right now, but I've, you know, gained 541 00:26:18,193 --> 00:26:22,573 that weight back and I'm feeling better about where I am physically. 542 00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:26,137 You've already shared with us a whole bunch of examples of getting unstuck 543 00:26:26,137 --> 00:26:30,547 and what that's led to, but is there one concrete example for you that 544 00:26:30,547 --> 00:26:34,957 really sticks out to you that says, I'm definitely unstuck or much less 545 00:26:34,957 --> 00:26:37,027 stuck than I was not that long ago? 546 00:26:37,197 --> 00:26:42,957 I can think of a moment that I guess, um, probably relates to my work, um, 547 00:26:42,957 --> 00:26:47,877 my, my professional life and I think something that I'd avoided for, for quite 548 00:26:47,877 --> 00:26:52,047 some time and, and there was a moment where I had to initiate a difficult. 549 00:26:52,977 --> 00:26:56,397 But honest conversation with someone that was professionally close to me. 550 00:26:56,877 --> 00:27:00,297 Um, and you know, I guess while I was doing that, I noticed that 551 00:27:00,297 --> 00:27:01,797 my heart was pounding, you know? 552 00:27:01,797 --> 00:27:04,347 And I was like, Ooh, I noticed those physical body cues. 553 00:27:04,557 --> 00:27:06,057 But I stayed in that moment. 554 00:27:06,702 --> 00:27:09,522 You know, I noticed that they were there and I understood why they were there. 555 00:27:09,522 --> 00:27:11,922 I validated them, you know, and normalized them. 556 00:27:12,222 --> 00:27:16,482 And I was able to express what I needed to express, what I needed to express. 557 00:27:16,482 --> 00:27:19,092 It was a conversation that I had to have, and I didn't 558 00:27:19,092 --> 00:27:20,652 collapse into shame afterwards. 559 00:27:20,652 --> 00:27:23,772 That's the bit that I noticed, you know, I didn't, didn't collapse 560 00:27:23,772 --> 00:27:25,032 into that shame afterwards. 561 00:27:25,482 --> 00:27:29,892 And I guess that night, instead of disassociating what I would normally, 562 00:27:30,162 --> 00:27:33,612 which is what I would normally do, and, you know, shut down and find the closet, 563 00:27:33,612 --> 00:27:36,012 I journaled about it, but I did it with. 564 00:27:36,267 --> 00:27:40,647 Some compassion this time, you know, for myself and the situation. 565 00:27:41,187 --> 00:27:44,397 And I think that was the first time I really saw myself choosing 566 00:27:44,577 --> 00:27:50,752 connection over withdrawal, um, which I had actively been doing for, 567 00:27:50,997 --> 00:27:52,707 for those two to three years prior. 568 00:27:52,707 --> 00:27:57,897 So it, it wasn't easy, but it was certainly, I think, a breakthrough 569 00:27:57,897 --> 00:28:01,047 or a turning point, whatever you kind of wanna call it, of moving 570 00:28:01,047 --> 00:28:03,267 out of that really stuck place. 571 00:28:03,827 --> 00:28:05,327 That's a great example. 572 00:28:05,537 --> 00:28:08,567 What- the compassion that you brought to the journaling, was it forced or 573 00:28:08,567 --> 00:28:11,297 was it already there because of all the safety practices you've been doing? 574 00:28:11,422 --> 00:28:12,382 I think a bit of both. 575 00:28:12,382 --> 00:28:14,332 I think I had to be really mindful about it. 576 00:28:14,332 --> 00:28:17,302 I had to tell myself, you know, I was doing the, a bit of the AWE stuff- 577 00:28:17,352 --> 00:28:18,342 Real quick interlude. 578 00:28:18,342 --> 00:28:22,152 When she says the AWE stuff, she's referring to a process 579 00:28:22,182 --> 00:28:23,802 from one of the courses. 580 00:28:23,802 --> 00:28:25,392 It's called the AWE method. 581 00:28:25,762 --> 00:28:25,842 AWE. 582 00:28:26,062 --> 00:28:28,512 A stands for Anchored Awareness. 583 00:28:28,602 --> 00:28:31,662 W is Witness, and E is Experience. 584 00:28:32,022 --> 00:28:36,252 This teaches people how to deeply connect with their emotions. 585 00:28:36,282 --> 00:28:38,232 I think I had to be really mindful about it. 586 00:28:38,232 --> 00:28:42,432 I had to tell myself, you know, I was doing the, a bit of the AWE stuff- um, and 587 00:28:42,533 --> 00:28:46,253 being, you know, I put it at the top of my journal sometimes as a bit of a reminder. 588 00:28:46,253 --> 00:28:50,273 I think I once mentioned to you, I put it on my, I write it on my, on my hands 589 00:28:50,273 --> 00:28:54,293 sometimes to remind myself, and that's, it's made a little bit of a trigger to, 590 00:28:54,503 --> 00:28:57,473 to be, you know, aware and, um, yeah. 591 00:28:57,473 --> 00:28:59,723 So there was a little bit of both. 592 00:28:59,783 --> 00:29:03,983 The compassion was there, I think, but I, I mindfully wrote about 593 00:29:03,983 --> 00:29:07,208 it in a compassionate way instead of the way- well, I wouldn't have 594 00:29:07,208 --> 00:29:11,138 written before anyway, so it was just the way that I'd expressed it. 595 00:29:11,884 --> 00:29:15,784 You mentioned I want to come back to go into the closet less. 596 00:29:15,784 --> 00:29:17,884 Are you still going into the closet when you need to? 597 00:29:18,578 --> 00:29:22,568 No, no, I haven't, like, I haven't, like I said, when I went back now, I have 598 00:29:22,568 --> 00:29:24,308 not been in there a while for a while. 599 00:29:24,608 --> 00:29:29,588 I'm still, you know, I still find comfort in, um, some days is still 600 00:29:29,588 --> 00:29:34,148 too bright and too loud, I suppose for me, depending on how I'm feeling. 601 00:29:34,598 --> 00:29:35,378 Um. 602 00:29:35,918 --> 00:29:41,528 But yeah, that six to seven consistency means that I am opening the curtains 603 00:29:41,528 --> 00:29:46,718 more and I'm out of the, out of that space a bit more, and I can let the light 604 00:29:46,718 --> 00:29:52,568 in and put some music on and be moving around a bit more than what I used to. 605 00:29:52,568 --> 00:29:56,798 I probably, another thing that I did in my toolkit, uh, I didn't mention 606 00:29:56,798 --> 00:29:59,348 before, was that daily practice. 607 00:29:59,348 --> 00:30:02,768 I, I found a, whew, it was hard to begin with. 608 00:30:02,768 --> 00:30:05,468 It was a, a micro thing, a five minute practice. 609 00:30:05,468 --> 00:30:09,488 I started with five minutes and went to 10 and up to 15 of Tai Chi 610 00:30:09,548 --> 00:30:13,148 on YouTube 'cause I didn't want to go out and do a class with people. 611 00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:17,798 So I, I found myself out of the closet and just doing a YouTube thing of a 612 00:30:17,798 --> 00:30:19,988 Tai chi, which is that gentle movement. 613 00:30:19,988 --> 00:30:24,188 And people kept saying to me, 'cause I was such a big, you know, physical 614 00:30:24,188 --> 00:30:26,918 person, you know, you need to go for a run or you need to swim, or you 615 00:30:26,918 --> 00:30:28,958 need to go for a ride, or whatever. 616 00:30:28,958 --> 00:30:33,218 And oh, the thought of that was so, so far from where I was. 617 00:30:33,698 --> 00:30:36,518 I couldn't, you know, I didn't, wouldn't wanna come out of the closet, but 618 00:30:36,818 --> 00:30:42,548 that little five minute, gentle five minute movement was yeah, something 619 00:30:42,578 --> 00:30:44,048 that I really came to rely on. 620 00:30:44,048 --> 00:30:46,178 So, yeah, that was really, 621 00:30:46,294 --> 00:30:46,534 right? 622 00:30:46,534 --> 00:30:47,134 Like it's, it's 623 00:30:47,408 --> 00:30:47,798 yeah. 624 00:30:47,884 --> 00:30:48,784 it's intentional. 625 00:30:48,784 --> 00:30:50,554 It's not too much and it's a small practice. 626 00:30:50,554 --> 00:30:51,454 That's perfect. 627 00:30:51,634 --> 00:30:57,334 For someone who is, who is currently in the shoes that you were in 628 00:30:57,514 --> 00:31:03,184 about six months ago, what is one piece of specific, direct, 629 00:31:03,484 --> 00:31:06,274 practical, actionable advice that you 630 00:31:06,324 --> 00:31:06,564 Yeah. 631 00:31:07,109 --> 00:31:10,049 I think start with a body, not with your story. 632 00:31:11,204 --> 00:31:14,894 And not to try and think your way out of it, which is what I was doing. 633 00:31:15,434 --> 00:31:20,054 So instead, find one small thing that makes you feel safe or more pleasant. 634 00:31:20,234 --> 00:31:23,324 You know, I think we'd spoken about at times, like a soft 635 00:31:23,324 --> 00:31:25,424 blanket, a warm cup of tea. 636 00:31:25,484 --> 00:31:26,204 You had that one. 637 00:31:26,204 --> 00:31:30,704 And that's something that I've clung to that warm cup of tea, just feeling it. 638 00:31:30,704 --> 00:31:36,449 Um, pets, you know, the five minutes with my pet, um, and letting my nervous system. 639 00:31:36,449 --> 00:31:40,679 Have that moment, or letting your nervous system have that moment, and then from 640 00:31:40,679 --> 00:31:42,659 there you can build capacity to feel more. 641 00:31:43,079 --> 00:31:48,449 So I always looked at it as safety is the soil and healing is the plant. 642 00:31:48,749 --> 00:31:52,619 So, you know, having that safety, being able to ground myself in the 643 00:31:52,619 --> 00:31:56,669 soil, um, and then the healing came from that growth from that space. 644 00:31:56,669 --> 00:32:00,389 So letting, letting my body starting with the body. 645 00:32:01,820 --> 00:32:03,779 Super easy, use senses. 646 00:32:03,779 --> 00:32:04,199 Yeah. 647 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:05,060 Small moment, 648 00:32:05,254 --> 00:32:05,544 Yeah. 649 00:32:05,570 --> 00:32:08,360 not 30 minutes, not an hour of meditation, but 650 00:32:08,724 --> 00:32:08,944 No. 651 00:32:09,140 --> 00:32:09,980 maybe of 652 00:32:10,684 --> 00:32:10,974 Yeah, 653 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:11,960 It's pretty 654 00:32:12,204 --> 00:32:12,494 yeah. 655 00:32:13,314 --> 00:32:13,534 Yep. 656 00:32:14,324 --> 00:32:14,614 Yeah. 657 00:32:15,245 --> 00:32:15,535 Okay. 658 00:32:16,340 --> 00:32:18,890 Progress is not always permanent without the effort. 659 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,350 Um, obviously you've put the effort in, you still are, 660 00:32:21,350 --> 00:32:22,130 doesn't sound like you're done. 661 00:32:22,130 --> 00:32:23,030 I don't think we're ever done. 662 00:32:23,660 --> 00:32:25,710 But you're, um, still doing it. 663 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:34,850 How you actively maintaining your your growth and the, uh, progress you've made? 664 00:32:34,850 --> 00:32:39,980 What are you doing day in, day out to make sure you don't step back to a three or 665 00:32:39,980 --> 00:32:42,020 four or five on the safety scale, maybe? 666 00:32:43,039 --> 00:32:43,429 Hmm. 667 00:32:43,849 --> 00:32:47,269 So I think I've, I've kind of mentioned before, I've, I've got my daily, 668 00:32:47,809 --> 00:32:51,619 uh, my daily rituals that remind me that my nervous system is safe. 669 00:32:52,159 --> 00:32:56,239 So that morning movement in the Tai Chi class, that's the time in nature that 670 00:32:56,239 --> 00:33:01,249 I mindfully and, you know, ensure that I do the gratitude journaling or the 671 00:33:01,249 --> 00:33:02,899 compassion journaling I'm calling it. 672 00:33:03,469 --> 00:33:07,579 Um, also checking in regularly with the therapist that I spoke about before. 673 00:33:08,384 --> 00:33:13,334 Um, as a bit of a, a stop gap, um, avoiding over consuming that 674 00:33:13,334 --> 00:33:15,014 triggering content for myself. 675 00:33:15,014 --> 00:33:17,564 So making sure I'm balancing all of that. 676 00:33:18,134 --> 00:33:24,914 Um, I guess most importantly, I treat any of those setbacks before, um, I was 677 00:33:24,914 --> 00:33:26,594 treating them as like a big setback. 678 00:33:26,624 --> 00:33:28,844 Now I see them as signals, not failures. 679 00:33:29,624 --> 00:33:33,419 Um, so they're just a, a bit of a. Yeah, A signal, not a failure. 680 00:33:33,419 --> 00:33:36,839 And I return that, that, that forces well forces me. 681 00:33:36,839 --> 00:33:41,789 That's my trigger then to return back to my toolkit with kindness and compassion 682 00:33:42,149 --> 00:33:47,669 and remembering that maintenance is of the, of this journey that we are talking 683 00:33:47,669 --> 00:33:51,539 about now, it's part of that healing, that soil and, but going back to that 684 00:33:51,539 --> 00:33:55,139 space is part of that healing and it's not really proof that I've failed. 685 00:33:55,139 --> 00:33:57,179 It's just part of the healing journey. 686 00:33:57,473 --> 00:34:01,163 So none of what you're doing is overwhelming, hugely demanding. 687 00:34:01,823 --> 00:34:05,363 It sounds like it's just stuff that you recognize feels good and 688 00:34:05,363 --> 00:34:07,413 is manageable, involves others. 689 00:34:07,413 --> 00:34:10,043 Got a little bit of nature in there, rituals, like it's pretty darn 690 00:34:10,043 --> 00:34:11,888 practical things that you're doing. 691 00:34:12,358 --> 00:34:12,848 Nothing 692 00:34:13,081 --> 00:34:13,351 Yeah. 693 00:34:14,701 --> 00:34:15,061 Nope. 694 00:34:15,601 --> 00:34:15,931 Nope. 695 00:34:16,318 --> 00:34:21,173 I'm super curious, if you don't mind me adding, adding then- did you 696 00:34:21,173 --> 00:34:26,513 utilize, uh, anything with your somatic therapist, maybe, or, or just in your 697 00:34:26,513 --> 00:34:32,453 learning, sort of parts work or shadow stuff or ego stuff or any of those 698 00:34:32,453 --> 00:34:35,903 other psychological abstract ideas? 699 00:34:35,903 --> 00:34:37,553 Did they, did those come into play at all for you? 700 00:34:37,553 --> 00:34:37,613 I. 701 00:34:39,711 --> 00:34:40,671 Not really. 702 00:34:40,731 --> 00:34:41,571 Not really. 703 00:34:41,631 --> 00:34:46,041 Um, I guess it was, I've just been probably single focused on, so what, 704 00:34:46,041 --> 00:34:49,671 what I'm doing here and I'm finding good ground, so I don't, yeah. 705 00:34:49,671 --> 00:34:52,821 I haven't wanted to, well, my mind's not been in a space where I can kind 706 00:34:52,821 --> 00:34:57,591 of manage anything extra anyway, but I feel like this is giving me so much 707 00:34:57,591 --> 00:35:03,291 relief and so much progress and so much, um, yeah inspiration that I, 708 00:35:03,471 --> 00:35:06,301 I just- doing that daily practice. 709 00:35:06,301 --> 00:35:07,951 I just don't wanna mess with it at this point. 710 00:35:07,951 --> 00:35:12,511 It's giving me that two to three to, you know, going to six to seven and I 711 00:35:12,511 --> 00:35:15,061 can exist- I can exist at six to seven. 712 00:35:15,481 --> 00:35:17,191 Um, yeah. 713 00:35:17,191 --> 00:35:18,481 And, and function. 714 00:35:18,518 --> 00:35:18,758 Yeah. 715 00:35:19,651 --> 00:35:24,061 Yeah, I mean, I know I, I still feel a bit, I guess, you know, it's early days. 716 00:35:24,061 --> 00:35:26,641 I still feel a bit like it could all be taken away from me. 717 00:35:26,641 --> 00:35:29,311 There's a little bit of fear and apprehension there, and I think 718 00:35:29,521 --> 00:35:33,871 that's just building, you know, um, keep that the daily practice. 719 00:35:34,246 --> 00:35:38,356 You know, keeping that daily practice, so I know I can come back to it. 720 00:35:38,356 --> 00:35:40,186 That's, that's something that I can trust. 721 00:35:40,546 --> 00:35:46,096 Um, but it's working, so I can't see the point in incorporating too much more. 722 00:35:46,096 --> 00:35:47,416 Maybe down the track, I don't know. 723 00:35:47,416 --> 00:35:50,116 But while this is working, I'm happy to stay with it. 724 00:35:50,588 --> 00:35:51,008 For sure. 725 00:35:51,008 --> 00:35:51,308 Yeah. 726 00:35:51,728 --> 00:35:52,088 Okay. 727 00:35:52,478 --> 00:35:53,888 Anything else you want to add in that? 728 00:35:54,158 --> 00:35:57,668 I mean, wow, what a story and I, I think from personally, before you 729 00:35:57,668 --> 00:36:04,448 add in anything else, if you want to hearing relentless dedicated practice 730 00:36:04,838 --> 00:36:06,218 and none of it sounded overwhelming. 731 00:36:06,218 --> 00:36:08,078 None of it sounded like you were trying to take on the world. 732 00:36:08,738 --> 00:36:10,658 It all sounded very practical. 733 00:36:11,078 --> 00:36:12,278 Small things. 734 00:36:13,778 --> 00:36:16,088 Yeah, and it was, it was exactly that. 735 00:36:16,088 --> 00:36:18,938 The, the thought of doing, like I said, even opening a curtain or 736 00:36:18,938 --> 00:36:20,498 listening to music was overwhelming. 737 00:36:20,498 --> 00:36:23,768 So, you know, the thought of what my friends were saying, just go for a run 738 00:36:23,768 --> 00:36:25,118 or come out in the boat for the day. 739 00:36:25,118 --> 00:36:26,738 I was like, whew, no thank you. 740 00:36:27,038 --> 00:36:31,078 But that small little one thing and I, it honestly did start with things 741 00:36:31,078 --> 00:36:35,038 like having that cup of tea and really being mindful or watching the leaves 742 00:36:35,278 --> 00:36:39,778 in the trees or, yeah, just really small stuff, those micro moments. 743 00:36:39,778 --> 00:36:44,218 So I really, really, um, yeah, beginning things and I'm, I'm building. 744 00:36:44,668 --> 00:36:45,628 But it wasn't hard. 745 00:36:45,958 --> 00:36:47,038 It really wasn't hard. 746 00:36:47,413 --> 00:36:48,313 It really wasn't hard. 747 00:36:48,313 --> 00:36:51,973 I mean, you can literally start in the closet if you really want to. 748 00:36:52,423 --> 00:36:55,753 Um, I, I wouldn't suggest it, I wouldn't promote that. 749 00:36:55,753 --> 00:36:56,353 But you could. 750 00:36:58,093 --> 00:36:58,483 Yeah. 751 00:36:58,483 --> 00:37:00,523 I still smile when, yeah. 752 00:37:00,523 --> 00:37:03,433 I still smile when I go to the closet though, like the closet. 753 00:37:03,433 --> 00:37:04,363 It's a space for me. 754 00:37:04,363 --> 00:37:06,673 It's, I don't see it as a punishment, you know? 755 00:37:06,733 --> 00:37:08,803 It was a safe space for me for a little while. 756 00:37:08,803 --> 00:37:09,823 It gave me sanctuary. 757 00:37:10,603 --> 00:37:14,023 So I'm not too hard on it and I'm not too hard on myself for using that. 758 00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:18,073 It, it got me through, but it's a place that I'm happy to go into now and hang 759 00:37:18,073 --> 00:37:20,653 up my clothes as opposed to existing. 760 00:37:20,653 --> 00:37:21,703 So, yeah. 761 00:37:21,703 --> 00:37:23,833 And you know, there was a lot of times that I'd listen to 762 00:37:23,833 --> 00:37:25,363 your podcast in the closet. 763 00:37:25,483 --> 00:37:30,433 So, you know, I would, I would lay there and I would just listen and, uh, 764 00:37:30,433 --> 00:37:33,493 there was not a lot of other sensory things going on, so the focus was 765 00:37:33,493 --> 00:37:35,023 just your voice a lot of the time. 766 00:37:35,023 --> 00:37:36,523 So it was a beginning. 767 00:37:37,219 --> 00:37:39,829 Um, thank, I'm honored to have joined you in the closet there. 768 00:37:39,829 --> 00:37:40,549 Thank you for that. 769 00:37:41,750 --> 00:37:44,316 The other messages, I'm glad that you, you found the path that you 770 00:37:44,316 --> 00:37:47,346 did and, and here you are, like, I'm so happy for you you're sharing it. 771 00:37:47,346 --> 00:37:51,636 Thank you for that again, but this is super weird, right? 772 00:37:52,116 --> 00:37:55,116 What we do is fundamentally different, I think, than like 773 00:37:55,116 --> 00:37:55,836 what your friends tell you. 774 00:37:55,836 --> 00:37:56,976 Well just do this instead. 775 00:37:57,966 --> 00:38:00,366 Like, I'm not in, in our community, we don't. 776 00:38:01,461 --> 00:38:03,831 for making our feelings go away. 777 00:38:03,861 --> 00:38:06,681 We're not trying to fight them or banish them. 778 00:38:07,581 --> 00:38:11,031 saying like, let's compassionately be with them and feel them. 779 00:38:11,871 --> 00:38:16,911 How do you, how do you, that's a foreign idea, I think, to people. 780 00:38:16,911 --> 00:38:17,541 So I don't know. 781 00:38:17,541 --> 00:38:18,381 Do you have any thoughts on that? 782 00:38:18,591 --> 00:38:20,301 Maybe is I, I don't know. 783 00:38:20,301 --> 00:38:22,401 What, where does that, where does that take you in your mind like that? 784 00:38:22,641 --> 00:38:23,331 I'm curious. 785 00:38:23,657 --> 00:38:26,302 Like you said, like the being able to banish 'em, they were such a 786 00:38:26,302 --> 00:38:28,852 big part of me, those feelings, I couldn't just banish 'em. 787 00:38:28,852 --> 00:38:29,932 They were overwhelming. 788 00:38:30,232 --> 00:38:33,652 So I think there was part of our, you know, when we're in our community, one 789 00:38:33,652 --> 00:38:37,292 of the things that we spoke about once was having those feelings alongside you. 790 00:38:37,627 --> 00:38:39,667 And doing some of those, those practices anyway. 791 00:38:39,667 --> 00:38:43,897 So visualizing them for me, I visualize them as a, as something, you know, and I 792 00:38:43,897 --> 00:38:46,867 put them in my, I think, I don't know if we'd spoken about the different ways of 793 00:38:46,867 --> 00:38:48,277 doing that, but I put them in my pocket. 794 00:38:48,717 --> 00:38:52,317 Real quick sidebar, what she's referring to when she says visualizing and the 795 00:38:52,317 --> 00:38:56,757 whole pocket thing, she's referring to a practice called permitting at level one. 796 00:38:57,237 --> 00:39:02,817 Permitting at level one, uh, teaches how to use your imagination or 797 00:39:02,822 --> 00:39:08,677 imagery in order to permit an emotion that is otherwise too much like, 798 00:39:08,857 --> 00:39:11,107 uh, pressure or guilt or whatever. 799 00:39:11,557 --> 00:39:14,857 So we use our imagination and then invite it to be with us 800 00:39:14,947 --> 00:39:16,747 as we also do something else. 801 00:39:17,317 --> 00:39:22,267 This is a level one easier, um, compared to level two, which has 802 00:39:22,327 --> 00:39:26,977 a much deeper felt sense, somatic experience of these emotions. 803 00:39:27,053 --> 00:39:28,133 but I put them in my pocket. 804 00:39:28,523 --> 00:39:30,863 So that meant that I didn't have to discard them. 805 00:39:30,863 --> 00:39:33,593 I didn't have to banish them, I didn't have to push them away. 806 00:39:33,773 --> 00:39:37,373 They were still with me and they were allowed to be with me, but I could 807 00:39:37,373 --> 00:39:38,693 still do the other stuff as well. 808 00:39:38,693 --> 00:39:39,953 And that felt better. 809 00:39:40,103 --> 00:39:45,293 That felt safer for me 'cause I wasn't, you know, I was scared about banishing 810 00:39:45,293 --> 00:39:49,103 them all together 'cause what, who was I if that, if that all went away? 811 00:39:49,133 --> 00:39:54,863 And I was already feeling numb and disconnected, so it was a scary thing 812 00:39:54,863 --> 00:39:58,763 to think that I, I wasn't gonna have that last little bit of feeling. 813 00:39:58,763 --> 00:40:02,723 So I think being able to put it in my pocket and stay with it so it didn't 814 00:40:02,723 --> 00:40:07,703 go away and, and function and continue in those daily practices was good. 815 00:40:08,273 --> 00:40:08,933 It was good. 816 00:40:08,933 --> 00:40:14,033 It was where I was able to do that and, um, yeah, accept, and like I 817 00:40:14,033 --> 00:40:15,923 said before, not think through it. 818 00:40:15,983 --> 00:40:20,603 You know, I, I stopped thinking and I started just going, okay, I'm 819 00:40:20,603 --> 00:40:21,983 just gonna put this in my pocket. 820 00:40:22,043 --> 00:40:23,183 It doesn't have to go away. 821 00:40:23,183 --> 00:40:25,343 It doesn't have to be anywhere besides with me. 822 00:40:25,343 --> 00:40:29,093 It's okay for it to be with me, um, but I'm still gonna go and sit in 823 00:40:29,243 --> 00:40:33,773 nature, or I'm still gonna go and have that cup of tea and be mindful, so 824 00:40:33,773 --> 00:40:35,153 I start treating it like the enemy. 825 00:40:35,483 --> 00:40:35,993 Yeah. 826 00:40:36,013 --> 00:40:37,483 Stop treating it like the enemy do. 827 00:40:37,603 --> 00:40:37,963 And you've, 828 00:40:37,963 --> 00:40:38,253 Yeah. 829 00:40:38,293 --> 00:40:40,573 hearing that you also got closer, not just in your pocket, but like you 830 00:40:40,573 --> 00:40:42,763 actually got closer to or are feeling it. 831 00:40:43,618 --> 00:40:44,548 Directly as well. 832 00:40:44,548 --> 00:40:45,118 Not just 833 00:40:45,463 --> 00:40:45,543 hmm. 834 00:40:45,628 --> 00:40:48,748 visualization, that's one skill, but you've gone to the next level, which is 835 00:40:48,898 --> 00:40:51,568 feeling it compassionately from safety 836 00:40:51,568 --> 00:40:51,738 Hmm. 837 00:40:52,418 --> 00:40:54,358 and mindfully connecting with it. 838 00:40:54,358 --> 00:40:54,458 Hmm. 839 00:40:54,458 --> 00:40:54,708 Hmm. 840 00:40:54,863 --> 00:40:55,553 Yes. 841 00:40:55,673 --> 00:40:58,313 Yeah, that was the key- from safety, I think. 842 00:40:58,313 --> 00:41:02,333 And that was, it was timing a lot of it, but a mindful timing, you know, 843 00:41:02,333 --> 00:41:06,473 being understood that, you know, before it would, sometimes that feeling would 844 00:41:06,473 --> 00:41:08,693 ambush me or hijack me, you know? 845 00:41:09,023 --> 00:41:13,463 And um, and it would come at times that I wasn't wanting it to come, and then I 846 00:41:13,463 --> 00:41:17,363 would feel dysregulated and, you know, go down back into that shutdown state. 847 00:41:17,363 --> 00:41:23,603 But if I'm mindfully and, you know, with choice, um and volition, I 848 00:41:23,603 --> 00:41:27,473 suppose, put myself in a place where I knew I was safe and then allowed 849 00:41:27,473 --> 00:41:30,533 myself to, to go to that feeling space. 850 00:41:30,533 --> 00:41:31,943 It, it felt more manageable. 851 00:41:32,423 --> 00:41:32,933 Definitely. 852 00:41:33,231 --> 00:41:35,871 Thanks so much for joining me here on Stuck, Not Broken, 853 00:41:35,871 --> 00:41:37,611 and thank you again, Eva. 854 00:41:38,181 --> 00:41:41,601 Dear listener, I hope this episode has helped you realize 855 00:41:42,171 --> 00:41:48,561 that unstuck is not easy, but it can be practical and methodical. 856 00:41:48,671 --> 00:41:50,891 Heck yes, it takes dedication just like Eva's. 857 00:41:51,521 --> 00:41:55,211 But if you don't have that much motivation right now, that's okay. 858 00:41:56,081 --> 00:42:01,091 You do have enough motivation to search for this topic and to watch this video 859 00:42:01,121 --> 00:42:02,591 in particular all the way to the end. 860 00:42:03,461 --> 00:42:07,841 You obviously have some level of motivation, so let's use that. 861 00:42:07,995 --> 00:42:15,345 So I invite you to pick one thing to accomplish right now, to start or continue 862 00:42:15,465 --> 00:42:19,548 down your unstuck path . I know there are tons of options and you don't know 863 00:42:19,548 --> 00:42:25,278 where to begin, so make it super simple by mindfully connecting with one of your 864 00:42:25,278 --> 00:42:31,068 senses for 30 seconds or less, that's fine too, or longer, that's fine, too. 865 00:42:31,818 --> 00:42:33,138 Use one sense. 866 00:42:33,513 --> 00:42:38,583 And bring as much of your full attention to the experience of it that you can 867 00:42:39,393 --> 00:42:46,083 notice how using that one sense affects your breathing and your muscle tension. 868 00:42:46,983 --> 00:42:49,623 And if you can do that, then repeat it tomorrow. 869 00:42:50,223 --> 00:42:51,093 This is how you start. 870 00:42:52,083 --> 00:42:56,313 Connect with the environment, using your senses for 30 seconds or less or more, 871 00:42:56,373 --> 00:42:57,963 but aim for something short and sweet. 872 00:42:58,713 --> 00:43:01,203 Eva, you are absolutely killing it. 873 00:43:01,203 --> 00:43:01,953 Keep going. 874 00:43:02,493 --> 00:43:05,823 Thank you again so much for sharing your success and I cannot wait to 875 00:43:05,823 --> 00:43:08,553 hear about what else opens up for you. 876 00:43:08,709 --> 00:43:13,449 Dear listener, if you would like to join the Untucking Academy, you can learn 877 00:43:13,449 --> 00:43:15,399 more through the link in the description. 878 00:43:15,399 --> 00:43:21,189 It is JustinLMFT.com/UnstuckingAcademy. 879 00:43:22,074 --> 00:43:25,854 In the Academy, you can connect with amazing people like Eva. 880 00:43:26,484 --> 00:43:33,294 You can get, uh, super simple steps to help build safety and you can learn how to 881 00:43:33,324 --> 00:43:39,540 get unstuck so you can finally live with more calm, confidence, and connection. 882 00:43:39,551 --> 00:43:40,751 Thank you once again for joining me. 883 00:43:41,081 --> 00:43:41,321 Bye.