It was awful.

God took everything and was just like right here.

You looking at me?

You looking at me.

'cause we're gonna talk about this.

And he's like, it's not about getting more sleep.

You need to understand what is going on in your head that you think that

you need to keep pushing harder and harder and harder and never pay

attention to these signs inside of you.

What if your emotions didn't derail your day, but actually drew you closer to God?

In this episode of Seek, go Create, we welcome Alicia Michelle

Christian, life Coach Neuroco and author of Emotional Confidence.

Alicia combines Biblical Truth with brain science to help people

manage emotions, overcome anxiety, and live with peace and purpose.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck in your thoughts, or simply wanna build

emotional resilience grounded in faith, this conversation will offer clarity,

hope, and tools you can use right now.

Alicia, I need that right now.

I need it.

So welcome to.

I think we all need that.

We all need these sorts of tools, don't we?

I tell you what, yeah, I was doing restarts on my computer and had

meetings earlier and meetings later, and I said, man, let me

get in the space here for Alicia.

And we set a prayer a second ago, so hopefully we're peaceful and

calm and I'm, I'm glad you're here.

So, thanks for joining us.

Yeah, it's great to be here and chat with you, Tim.

know, I know.

First, first question, your choice,

Okay.

you, would you rather answer what do you do or who are you?

Well, I feel like.

You've, you've shared some about what I do.

So I, I a coach.

I am a podcaster.

My podcast is called The Christian Mindset Coach.

I am an author.

but I think we are really quick to answer that question and

label ourselves by those things.

so I would prefer to answer who I am.

first and foremost, I'm a daughter of God.

I am a wife to another man named Tim for, 24 plus years now, and a mom of four.

even those are still kind of roles.

So I think at the core, am a creative person.

I am someone who loves adventure and fun, but also right on that middle line

between extroversion and introversion.

So I am to go out and chat to a whole bunch of people, but I also really value

that quiet time and alone time and time with the Lord, in silence and quiet.

So.

I feel like I have a lot of good mixes of different sides of things, which helps

me relate to a lot of different people.

But, that's a little bit about me.

It's fascinating.

I am actually finding, that I, I once was, man, my energy and everything

came from being around other people and I still do enjoy that.

I mean, obviously I'm sitting here interviewing someone on a podcast.

You and I met at an event that was sort of a connecting or

networking type of an event.

But I am getting much, much more comfortable and excited about sitting

down, reading, studying right now, doing some biblical studies that are like

stretching me at 60 something years old.

I'm like even changing my mind about some things that I used

to be fairly dogmatic about.

Wow.

what's up with that?

I think that's one of the gifts of going through some of these second half of

life years where we spend the first half building, building families, building

careers, discovering more about who God is, seeing his faithfulness trusting him.

And it's not that we don't see that in the second half.

And I have to admit, I just turned 50 this year, so I'm

just starting the second half.

I got a long way to go in the second half.

But what I'm sensing is a time now where we can go back to

some of those things that.

were interested in some of the hobbies we can explore a little

deeper and some knowledges that we've been wanting to look at.

We can, get to grow in these deep ways with the Lord and then continue

to use that in combination with what he's taught us through his

faithfulness through the years.

And we get to share in that way now as we're moving forward.

So I think it's a beautiful season to be able to do that.

I think it is too, and this actually circles back even in my first

question that I'm observing with me.

I believe that early on in my life, what I did.

Defined me much more than who I was or maybe I was just aware of

it more, or I tried to impress people with what I did or whatever.

and I'm really into more of who I am

Yeah.

Maybe it's, I just got fatigued with all that other stuff and all that.

And I, I think that feeds into our mindset.

Don't you agree?

Sure.

And I think it feeds into depth at which we want to experience life

and wanna share that with others.

You know, for some people we might just share, this is who I am,

these are the roles that I play.

and that may be all that we feel comfortable sharing or we

all really think that we are.

But the longer we live, we see, gosh, those roles can change at any moment.

I can have new roles added in.

I can have roles taken away the core, who am I, who do I wanna be?

Who is God making me to be?

there are some things about you and I that will never change any

person that will ever change.

These are just who we are at our essence.

That's what I wanna dig into more, and that's what I wanna

be known for that person.

Right.

and I can't say that I was always that way.

I'm very similar.

you said a word that, I want to let everyone know, we're gonna be talking

about emotional confidence and mindset.

You've got a great tool that we're gonna discuss later, a DD and things like that.

But you triggered me with a word and, I think it's a good

conversation with someone like you.

Hmm.

The word share is something that you said earlier, and this is

something that I have been really spending a lot of time with the Lord

hmm.

investigating because I have always been wired to impress, to inspire

Yeah.

if I learn something, I want to get it out to other people.

I really want to share info.

so I've always been teacher, coach, trainer.

We're on a podcast, wrote a book, you've written books, things like that.

Yeah.

I have been asking the Lord

Hmm.

questions like, why do I want to share?

Hmm.

Is it important for me to share?

When do I just digest things and make sure I'm clear before I blurt out

and post or flip on the microphone or start writing and, and trying to

get it out to the world and change people's minds and impact their lives.

You know, impact is a word that kind of can tie into this.

Have you had any thoughts of that as you move from your, your young

age to a slightly more mature age?

On what?

I mean, do you ever like pause or, or, and was there a time maybe

that you would just, I got it.

I need to share this with the world.

I mean, I'm just curious about that.

I'm asking myself the question, why do I share this?

Why did I just share what I just did?

I don't know.

that's an interesting question.

I think that I've been asked that question by God before.

because I feel like God reveals to me two main times when I feel like he speaks to

me, he speaks to me at like 3:00 AM when I'll just wake up with this whole idea of

stuff and then I try to go back to sleep.

And then it's like, clearly there's this point where you're

like, I just need to get up.

I just need to get a ride it all down and get it all out of my head.

And then I feel so much better and I can go to sleep and then I wake up.

But if I don't do that, it just.

I will have time with him in the morning and journaling or

spending time in his word just straightly strictly through that.

And it's like it sparks all these ideas.

And I start writing and then I'm like, next thing I know, I'm writing

an outline for a podcast episode.

Or I'm thinking, oh, I need to create this resource, or I need to write this thing.

And there have been times when God has said

like, what if just what I'm sharing with you is for you?

Not that you couldn't share it someday, but right now you, I

need you to hear this message.

I need you to absorb this.

Maybe again, you might digest it and might even be something else down the

road, but Alicia, right here for you.

and I think we can, miss that we, 'cause we think, oh well, it's easier

to just go and help and give it out.

But then it's like, how's that working for you?

Are you listening to that message?

taking it in because the Lord gave it to you originally as a, as the digestion

person first before you just gets kind of gross using this analogy, putting

it in your mouth and spinning it out.

You know, we wanna digest it.

But do you, I think you get what I'm saying, that, that there's, we, we, we

have to digest it first a lot of the time.

and we are very quick just hear it and move on it.

So I, I think there's a lot of credit and, and validity to what you're

saying about waiting and sharing.

and I think culture of society, whatever puts pressure

Yeah.

because listen, I've seen your stuff on Instagram.

Great stuff.

You know, social media.

I'm on social media and that stuff's there 24 7 and it's almost begging us share.

Mm-hmm.

And so then we start moving into, okay, I'm a content creator, so I

gotta be cranking out some content.

I think there's a lot of wisdom in, for me, it's a pause.

if I'm really healthy, I'm pausing.

If I'm not, I'm going faster and blurting things out and quick

to post and stuff like that.

Yep.

got a post that I created the other day.

I think this is wisdom that I paused and said I'm gonna wait a couple

of days and I haven't posted it

Hmm

It was somewhat the biblical basis of the office of the Pope and

the Pope when we're recording.

This has just passed away and it was really good, but I felt like,

hmm, I, I've got Catholic friends.

This may not be valuable to them.

It might be, I don't know.

And so I'm pausing and you know what?

It might just disappear on me.

I think if you've heard of the concept of morning pages, either Tim or other

people listening, if you guys have heard of this concept, it's by Julia

Cameron in her book The Artist Way.

It's a book that's been around forever, like 20 years or

more, probably 30 years now.

And it's about how to have art in everyday life.

how to live as an artist, if that sounds kind of woowoo and out

there, but that's what it is.

Essence.

The essence of it is, and one of the first practices that she talks

about is this idea of morning pages.

So you just sit down with a journal and you just write for, if it's 10 minutes,

she tells you to write for three pages and it doesn't have to mean anything.

It's just junk.

It's just stuff coming out.

And I advise that all the time to clients because I can't tell you

many people I work with who are.

wise Bible believing amazing people who have no idea what's going on in their head

and have no idea what they're feeling.

just a simple practice of a couple of times a week sitting

down and just getting that out.

It's like, oh, I'm priming the pump.

Now I can see what's in there.

So my point in saying that is a lot of times you get that stuff out and it's

just, it's not anything you really need to use or be purposeful with.

It just needs to come out and, but it takes time.

Like you said, maybe whatever that message was that you had

regarding the Pope, it can come out.

But it takes time and wisdom and discernment from the Holy Spirit

to say, so is this, maybe it's, maybe it is a message I need to

share, but is this the right time?

Or maybe it isn't a message that I need to share.

So I think it's okay to let it come out is my point.

But discerning about how, when, if it's shared, that's

a whole nother conversation.

Yeah, it doesn't need to be adjusted or things like that.

and for me, finally, as I enter my sixties, I consider

that some degree of maturity.

And so I'm finally getting to a place of maturity, which is sort of exciting

for the people around me that I,

Yeah.

They're, they're finally.

Excited about that.

My wife says, do you think that's funny?

That's not really funny.

That's not a joke.

Anyway, I think this was sort of a good transition into mindset.

and the thing that first drew me to you was the fact that you call

yourself a Christian mindset coach.

And I've got quite an affinity to the word coach and I believe that, you know what,

let me, I'm gonna go ahead and go here.

I believe there are a lot of people now that are calling themselves

coaches that probably aren't.

And so what is your definition or understanding of what a coach is and does?

Hmm.

I think that there's lots of definitions of what a coach is.

My personal opinion, this is all my opinion, to be a professional coach.

I think it's important to have training in how to coach people and what that looks

like from a, it's a professional vocation.

it's not me standing there saying, I have some wisdom to impart on

you, because number one, that's not what coaching is at all.

What coaching is not about me convincing you to do something.

It's about learning about you, where you're at, where you wanna go, and me

discerning the right questions to help you go where you wanna go, help you

figure out the answer to how to get there.

It's not me telling you how to get there.

So I think it's, that takes knowledge, that takes practice,

that takes training and.

A willingness to serve, a willingness to not tell, but to listen.

So to me, those are marks of a good coach.

I don't think you have to go to any specific school.

I have an ICF certification, which is the gold standard in coaching,

but that was important to me.

I felt like I wanted to be able to say, this is the highest level and I have that.

but I think I, I, I do understand the frustration you're talking about when

someone just kind of labels themself as this, it can do a disservice

to what it means to be a coach, especially in the area of telling

versus allowing the coachee to lead the conversation and guide the discussion.

I,

think, Tim?

Well, I, I love what you said.

I think you mentioned the servant role and I was just thinking the servant heart.

Mm-hmm.

I think you really do have to park your own biases, dogmas issues, whatever, and

really look at the person you work with.

This is the way I word it.

And listen, I'm not certified, so I'm, I just know from the.

Point I was 12 years old.

Coaching was something that was in my genes.

Hmm.

I wanted to be a teacher and a coach.

Both my parents were educators and, but Alicia, I had a conversation with

my dad right before I, graduated high school about how much money they made.

And I didn't know we were poor.

I thought we had a little bit more money than that.

And I went, oh my gosh, I don't think I wanna be a teacher and a coach.

So got an engineering degree and all that stuff.

But everything I've done has gravitated back to coaching.

And the way I word it now is that as a coach, my role is to reach down

inside people and pull out what God has created them to do or be, or whatever.

That is not a very technical description,

No,

that helps me

Yeah.

and it helps me not to decide, you know what, if I'm working

with Alicia or someone else, here's what I think you should do.

But I, I wanna say one quick thing.

There's some tension that I've got going on right now in that

I've been a coach for so long and coaches don't really do anything.

We enable other people to do stuff, but I don't think I do.

I, I, like you said, I question people and help them move to where they need to.

I've actually just been hired by a client to come in and help run their

company as an operations person, and I told my wife, I'm not sure

that I can actually do any work.

I haven't done work in so long.

I would push back on that, that coaches don't do anything.

I understand what you're saying and I'm not saying that from

like, well, we do things.

I'm not saying it like that.

I'm saying like in the same way that.

A lighter, like a, like a you would use to light a candle.

The candle is what we end up seeing, but we need the lighter

to make the candle start.

The fire, a coach's job is to be the behind the scenes support person to

get them to, to go where they wanna go.

So we do a lot, we're the conduit for the Holy Spirit to do the

work in their life without that conduit and without that guidance.

and a lot of times that accountability and a little bit of gentle guidance

and asking the tough questions that a friend wouldn't ask, that's not the

role of a coach, is not to be a friend.

It's to ask for permission to ask some of the tough questions.

but without those questions, they're not gonna take that step.

So they take the credit for the step.

It's almost like a stage production.

Everybody behind the stage, the people doing the lighting and the

makeup and everybody else, they're responsible for that production.

It's not just the person on stage singing.

I think of a coach in kind of that same way.

we're not the ones taking the action, but we still do a lot to get them there.

I agree.

That may have been my bit of self-deprecating or tongue

in cheek type description.

take it that way, but I just, I think that's important to note.

I think that's important for people who are like, I wanna be a

coach to tell someone what to do.

'cause if that's why you wanna coach, that's not a good reason to coach.

And even in coaching school, like they taught us, you can coach on any topic.

I could coach someone on becoming a basketball player.

I've never, I'm not a basketball player.

Okay?

But I'm not telling them how to do basketball.

I'm talking to them about the mindset that's getting in the

way of them becoming the best basketball player that they can be.

I know how to coach people in that way.

That's what I'm trained to do.

So that's why I feel like I'm not telling you as an expert, I'm helping you

discover and let you step into the role.

I've often thought that in the world that we're in today,

Mm-hmm.

in many ways coaches are the closest thing to a discipleship role

that, that we have in our culture.

Because, you know, in the church world that we have, most of it is,

you know, there's a group, they listen, they go on in one day.

you, I guess, are probably interacting with people on a very regular basis.

You're listening, you're pulling things from them, you're commenting, well,

when someone says that a coach is, is like a, it's like discipleship.

What comes to mind when I say that?

guiding, directing.

I feel like discipleship still though, has the connotation of

I am directing you where to go.

Where the very pure side, I can hear my coaching professor saying

that would not be what coaching is.

because it's not me telling you, I think in discipleship you're still

saying be like me, create these habits.

Although that still could be an example.

it depends on how pure you wanna be in that coaching role.

there's definitely a place for that, but might be a little bit too much of a

directive bias perhaps, if I could say

Okay, that's fair.

So what do you do to, what are some of the practices that you have to keep

your mindset where it needs to be?

And I also wanna say that practices, rhythms, habits, I do think that there.

Individual.

There's a lot of people out there that copy other people's practices

and they may not work for them.

But I'm curious what yours are and then a follow up question, I'll go ahead and

ask it, and you can go into that, is what are some things that you don't do that

you see others do that work well for them?

okay, so this is a massive question, so I could go in a gazillion directions.

I'll just start off by saying that, the first thing that comes to mind

is I host a membership group called The Emotional Confidence Club.

My book is called Emotional Confidence.

Emotional Confidence Club is where we take what we talk about in

emotional confidence, and these are women who are wanting to.

better able to manage their emotions throughout the day in relationships.

they wanna learn practical tools to do that.

So I think of the seven mindset tools, the roadmap that we talk about in the

membership, the emotional confidence club.

noticing and naming our feelings, that's the very first thing I have had

to learn how to do that in a big way.

paying attention to what I'm feeling and noticing is the first step that we start.

I start everybody out because I think a lot of us have been trained by society,

by busyness, by, Unfortunate situations that we've come into with our own

emotions or other people's emotions to not really deal with emotions.

We kind of push 'em down.

and then there's other things, of course, like, processing the emotions

themselves through a tool that we'll talk about today called a DD.

That's my method that I teach for managing emotions.

I manage my emotions and my mindset through daily connection with the Lord.

I mean, it's so important to have that time with him, to hear what the

word of God says, but then to let it interact with where I am at for the day.

What am I thinking about?

What am I worried about?

what is that heaviness I'm feeling?

What are the lies that are there?

And then hearing that truth and letting it work it's magic.

Not literally magic, but you know what I'm saying.

Doing its work in my heart.

So letting that happen and then being very intentional about rest rhythms

so that I am in a place of calm.

So that I am able to respond in a way that is more logically

based versus emotions based.

So if we are feeling an emotion, the emotion side of our brain is

what is turned on and activated.

It's really hard to use a logical response, which is what we want to do

and what we think about after, oh, I wish I had responded this way, if we

are firing from that emotional side.

So doing whatever I can on a regular basis to stay in that parasympathetic

nervous system, the, the calm, rest and digest side of my body, In the

moment, practicing those sort of things.

And even noticing, like, I'll be honest, today, I am at a day where

I feel like I am reaching my point where I need to have a day off to

go rejuvenate a little bit tomorrow.

My friend and I, I live in Southern California and so we're talking

about, we've done this before.

We take the train, just like for the day, just take the train somewhere.

We're gonna take the train to downtown Disney tomorrow, and we're

gonna have lunch at downtown Disney and then take the train back and

we work while we're on the train.

So we feel like, okay, I did like a few hours of work, but

then we have fun and goof off.

So we're in the middle of planning that today, so here's hope and I

get to go on the train tomorrow.

but like that kind of stuff, the old me would not have thought about that.

The old me would've said, keep going.

It doesn't matter that you feel tired.

The old me wouldn't have even known.

She just would've been all these sensations and headaches and

all this stuff, and then just ignoring it, pushing it down.

So I think attention to it, and not just paying attention to it, but responding.

Deciding I need to shift some things because I need to show

up the way that God wants me to.

So in order to do that, I gotta, I gotta pay attention and do some things.

the reason I think this is important, Alicia, is that, you know, I work with

leaders of companies and executives not.

Mm-hmm.

Different than women that are running their businesses and running homes.

A bunch going on.

And my observation very similar to my observation in my life and what you

just brought up, is that we usually end up filling up all our time and we get

tired, exhausted, fatigued, whatever.

And, and you know, there's the hustle culture that's going on

outside of this conversation.

There's, there's, if it is to be, it's up to me.

There, there's all of these things that I've been a part of and, and, there's

a story that you've got that happened a few years ago that we're about to get to.

Yeah.

there's one thing that I want just a little more information on because

I think in many situations, people here, I just connect with God.

I spend time with the Lord and that's the most important to me.

I know for many for years, but the way my mind worked, I was like going,

I, you know, if I sit down and be quiet or wake up at 3 32 in the

morning, which is for me, that's the time, by the way, you said 3:00 AM

Yeah.

oh, there's things going through my head and people will say,

oh, you need to write it down.

I'm going, what do you mean get 3 32?

I'm not gonna get up and write down what, anyway, what get, get, let's get

a little bit like 1 0 1 basic, yeah.

Time with God.

Like, do you get in the closet?

Do you go into a trance and start, you know, lighting

incense or something like that?

Or what, what does that mean for you?

Not quite, not for me.

At least that's not what it

Okay.

Alright.

Good.

okay.

No, yeah.

No, no, no.

Nothing like that.

Uh, so there is the, the ideal answer that happens, I would say 90% of the

time, and then there's the answer.

That just is what it is.

the ideal answer, which again happens 90% of the time, is I am

very blessed to live on an acre and a half of property, and I have.

Beautiful.

We have beautiful trees on our property, so I love to be outside.

So I will go sit outside.

We have a pool.

I'll sit by the pool and I will, it's, there's like a, a waterfall sound

as part of the jacuzzi out there.

So I hear the water.

I sit outside, I, I see the trees.

I'll listen to the birds.

I bring my journal.

I am either working through a specific study at a time, like right now I'm

working through a study by Priscilla Schreyer as part of our women's group.

And, something I'm doing with my daughter.

I'm, I'm working through that, but I'm also

as I'm doing the work or I'm going through the Bible in a year, whatever it is,

just listening for those moments where I sense God saying, oh, did you catch that?

That's for you in this little area.

Sometimes that's how I approach it.

And then there are times when I just sit down and I. Have a conversation as

if I would having a conversation with somebody else, but I'm writing it down.

So I'm writing like, God, this is what's on my heart today.

I'm really tired.

I feel heavy about this, I'm worried about this.

and then I'm just silent and just kind of sit there and let that be present.

And sometimes I'll write like a little g in my journal and that's God what

I sense him saying or like a certain scripture or you're, you know, it's,

this isn't for forever, whatever it is.

I sense some of that and I write that and then I kind of respond back and forth.

So to me it's just this open conversation.

I usually, 'cause we all live in the real world and we can't do that

for, you know, four hours a day.

Maybe I set a timer.

I'm very practical.

My timer is on all day long for different things.

25 minutes is typically my timer for that sort of thing outside.

If I have more time, I'll do 45 minutes, but that helps me lose myself

in that time with the Lord so that I know I'm not like, oh my gosh, I

have to go get on that call with Tim.

the little thing will beep on my phone and I'm good.

But in that, in between time, I can just sit out there.

I can be in nature, I can listen to the Lord, I can read his word,

I can absorb it, and then I may go back out later at lunch or something

'cause I work from home, But it's just this ongoing touching base.

I think touching base is a good way to say it.

Touching base with God, whether it's through a formal study or

time in prayer, but be sensitive to what he's saying as I'm doing it.

Yeah, I think that's good.

One of the things that I've observed, and I don't know if this is scientific

or technical or what is that I have a multitasking mind and I used to

be very prideful about that, and that is the correct word by the way.

And I am now more and more convinced that we are not.

Supposed to multitask and when I write it, it, I can't multitask when

I'm writing, my mind can't go pew.

Oh, squirrel.

Here or there.

and I think that's probably why there's value to it for most people.

Just being still and quiet and erasing a bunch of stuff that's kind of going on.

'cause we've got a lot of stuff coming at us.

It's,

of your story Go ahead.

You, you've got something.

Go ahead.

it's good to just, I think like we were talking about with morning pages,

sometimes we just feel this gunk in our head and we're not quite sure

what it's about, but when we can sit down and begin letting it out, From a

brain science perspective, we're then allowing our logical brain to process

what's been stuck in the emotional mind.

So we're able to logically think, oh, well that's because of this, and I see

this pattern over here, then we can let the Holy Spirit speak into all of that.

So it's just, getting out, almost like laying it all on the table

and then sitting there with God and helping him, you know, him, helping

you figure out what to do with it.

So I think there's a lot of value in not having to sit down and have

the answer of what you're gonna say, but from that he does the direction.

so you, as your story goes, you were doing all the things that people, that women do,

family and business and things like that.

Yeah.

all of that led up to, what if I'm understanding it correctly, a pretty

scary and life altering, situation.

I'm gonna say this and then I'm gonna let you share what you want

to about that, because I think that was a real turning point.

As a coach, I fully believe that people can make a decision and methodically make

changes in their life and do different things and alter the course of their life.

I really do believe that.

Yeah.

As a human being.

From a practical standpoint, my observation is that most people make

change when a significant, sometime catalytic event occurs in their life

and that's when they make a change.

Sounds like that's what happened with you.

That's what happened with me back in oh eight and financial situation.

tell what you want to about that as we start moving into discussion.

You discussing emotional confidence and some of the tools because I,

I think it's important 'cause it seems like that was a big deal.

It was a big deal, and I would've said before

I.

that I was pretty good at listening to God and being willing to do, not having to be.

Told, like I could change, like what you were just talking about.

But, looking back and knowing what I had to go through,

which I'll explain in a second.

I see, no sometimes, and this was definitely the case.

So what happened, what Tim is referring to is in 2017 I had

two vertebral artery dissections.

And what that means is the arteries in the back of your neck, they obviously are

important, they feed your brain blood.

they run inside the column, the vertebral column of our neck, which

is why they're the vertebral arteries.

But, what had happened for me, if in an.

Aneurysm happens.

We were kind of familiar with that, where the vessel blows outward, right.

And that's not a good thing.

dissection is where the vessel collapses inward.

And almost like the inner lining is how they explained it to me.

The inner lining of the artery had collapsed upon itself.

And now there was that little space between the outer part and

the inner, and it was collecting blood clots and obviously the

restriction was made on my arteries.

so the quick story is I was down in Mexico on a missions trip, and

I had had this really bad headache.

It was just a week long missions trip.

We'd done it several times with our church and I had a couple of my kids

with me was like, just, you know.

Take an aspirin, get over it.

Alicia, you have to be here.

And I was taking the aspirin and I don't really do that kind of stuff, but I

was like, everything I could think of lavender or peppermint, like everything.

And this thing was not going anywhere.

It was really, really bad.

So one night, the second night we were in Mexico again, we're in the rural

part of Mexico, in Baja, went out.

I was just in so much pain.

I was staying in an rv and I got out of the rv, went out into the, just

sat in the cool air in the desert.

And I felt, I did not hear, but I knew more than I'd ever heard God before.

And it was, you need to go home and you need to go home right now.

And I thought,

no, God, like I'm here, I'm leading a Bible study.

My daughter's here, she's nine.

I'm not gonna leave her in Mexico with the rest of the, you know,

like we're already short staffed.

And it was like.

You need to go home and you need to comb right now.

Like this is not a joke.

so the next morning woke up the leader and I said, I'm really

sorry, this is what's happening.

And he's like, oh, of course.

You know, like drove me to the border.

My husband picked me up, it was a Saturday and because it, that was a

god thing because it was a Saturday.

When you have a really bad headache, you go to the ER on a Saturday, you don't wait

to make an appointment with the doctor.

So they drove me to the er and they took a CAT scan and they said, ma'am, you're

having a vertebral artery dissection.

We can't even treat you at this hospital.

We have to send you down to this teaching hospital down in San Diego to the ICU.

What were you doing in Mexico?

And we can't even believe you're standing here and talking to us

based on the injury that we see here.

And I'm like, what are you talking about?

And they said, were you bungee jumping?

Were you in a car accident?

Like I said, no.

Like, they're like, these are the kinds of injuries that we

see from those occurrences.

The doctors, when I got down there, they kept asking me, 'cause then I started

having these little TIAs, the trans ischemic attacks, the little mini strokes.

They're like, what did you do in Mexico?

Were you, were you skydiving, bungee jumping?

I'm like, I'm a mom on a mission trip.

No, I was not doing any of those things.

But in my heart I heard God say, you know why you're here.

You know why you're here.

And it was because for the, like the past 10 to 15 years, I had been

sleeping about four hours a night.

And I know that I went to bed at 1230.

I woke up at four 30.

That's just how I was.

I, I. Was just under a lot of stress for a really long time.

My husband traveled 50% of the time.

I had four small children who I was homeschooling.

One of them has special needs.

he had at this point when this all happened, he'd been out of work for 18

months as part of a huge corporate layoff.

We were in a literally interesting place and had been in there for a

long time, and I just kept shoving and pushing down all of that stuff.

So as all of that happened, they, I had one side, one, one artery go, and then the

other artery went a week and a half later.

So I got to go back to the hospital a week and a half later.

But after all of that ended, we got through it got, again,

I felt that impression, you are gonna make it through here.

There will be, this is your second chance, but there won't be a third.

That was what I was told, it was.

months of laying in bed because there was, again, extreme headaches, high blood.

I mean, my job was basically to go to the doctor twice a week down in La Jolla

and make sure that I was, my blood was at this certain level viscosity that it was

not gonna cause any more problems 'cause there was nothing they could do for me.

So that meant a lot of time alone with the Lord.

A lot of time I just laying there, everything had to be taken out of my life.

I could no longer homeschool.

I couldn't write, I couldn't speak, I couldn't even take care of my family.

I couldn't go to the grocery store.

I couldn't cook.

We had people from the church coming over and taking care of all this stuff.

Like it was, it was awful.

I had to be fed at some point ' cause I couldn't sit up.

It was awful.

So gun, God took everything and was just like right here.

You looking at me?

You looking at me.

'cause we're gonna talk about this.

And he's like, it's not about getting more sleep.

You need to understand what is it that was, is going on in your head that you

think that you need to keep pushing harder and harder and harder and never pay

attention to these signs inside of you.

So as I began looking at that, I realized there's a lot of stuff

that had been in there that I had never dealt with, and especially the

emotions that I had never dealt with.

Fast forwarding through the story now, but eventually learned a lot

about the brain science behind it.

Became certified as a neuro coach, which helps you understand

the patterns inside the brain.

What are the subconscious patterns that are causing us to think these,

that are affecting the logical side of our mind, how do we align them?

eventually became trained as a coach and thought I'd been working since 2012

with women, I realized there are a lot of ladies in the church who know God's

truth like I did, who believed they were enough, who knew that they were loved,

but had something inside of them that was keeping them from believing it.

And I wanna help them fix that.

So that's what I do now, the deeper work of that kind of stuff, which

usually looks like perfectionism, people pleasing, all that kind of stuff, but also

just, which is what the book is about.

How in the world do I deal with my emotions every day?

How do I deal with the overwhelm, the anger, the anxiety, the things

that my kid does that drives me nuts.

Like whatever it is, how do I deal with that?

So that's kind of how it all became readjusted and God had to help me

focus, even though I thought I was being responsive, he had to really

help me focus through that incident.

So one of the things my wife and I tell ourselves, and I don't know if we're

fooling ourselves or anything, is we discuss, Situations we've been through

and we say something to the effect of, we wouldn't wish what we went through on

anyone, but we're thankful that we went through it because of who we are today.

Yes.

you brought this up so I'm gonna ask for clarification on this.

there's some people that they struggle with their perception

of God and his nature.

Mm-hmm.

I am comfortable with this, but not everyone is.

When you say something like, God was getting my attention, because

they might say that God did that to you with your neck or, or that

maybe he used it, but what would you respond when someone say, wait, do

so You think this was a God thing?

Sure.

I don't think that, and I know that God doesn't necessarily punish us for,

I mean, we have consequences for sin.

I mean, that's honest.

That's biblical.

We can say that.

It wasn't that God was punishing me.

I can look back now and see that there were a lot of people and a lot

of ways that God tried to warn me that I was not dealing with things,

that I wasn't processing things, that I wasn't taking care of myself.

He gave me a lot of warning signs, I think, and I know that he did.

Does things like this because he loves us.

He loved me enough to save my life at that moment because they told

me, if you had not come home from Mexico, I can guarantee you within

a day or two you would've been dead.

You would've had a massive stroke down in the middle of Mexico.

And let me just tell you, there ain't no resources that where we

were, that would've helped me.

He saved my life.

Like he saved my life.

And he allowed me now to use this in ministry to help

hundreds of thousands of people.

Like what a gift.

What a gift.

So say that he, I think that he, he, he guides us for our own reasons of

why we personally need to be changed.

'cause he loves us.

He loves me, but as part of this greater plan somehow, which we don't even

fully understand, because if I hadn't gone through that, then I wouldn't

necessarily be talking about this.

And if I hadn't been talking about this, then, you know, what about those people?

Would they have not been affected?

he has to somehow use all of that together for his plan.

So I always go back to he does it out of his love for me he wants me

to, to live the fullest freest life, and he wants me to use that freedom

to impact others and help them.

Mm-hmm.

the word Sabbath just kind of popped in my head as you were talking,

and a lot of people will say, oh, Sabbath, that's a day of the week.

That's not the way I look at it.

I consider Sabbath to be a mindset or a state of being or a state of mind.

Yes.

would it be fair to say that.

old you, which is the term used earlier, would not be someone who was in a

state of Sabbath or at rest and knew you may not be totally all the time.

We're still obviously working out, but you are more in a Sabbath state

or to bring the word in mindset.

Let's start talking mindset here.

Would that be a fair statement?

Sure.

Yeah, absolutely.

It's fair.

I was just, before we got on this call, I was at our weekly women's bible study

and we were talking about, hearing the will of God and hearing his voice.

And We were talking about how it's, easy to just say, oh, I'm

not gonna allow this in my life.

I'm not gonna do these things, or I am gonna do these things like with

drinking or certain foods or whatever.

but it's actually, that's legalism.

it's more.

about a relationship.

I'm just going and I'm listening to God in the every day.

And so I think about that in terms of Sabbath.

I'm not saying, oh, it's Sunday, I gotta stop.

Everything like that becomes, sure, that could be maybe for some people

that's super helpful for me that's not because then every week, well

my Sunday looks a little different.

I try to make my days lighter and we try to not do as much.

I really try to have some extended time outside with

God or with family on Sundays.

But it is a mindset, is a sensory.

Just what am I, am I getting to that boiling point where, I need to take

a little bit of a break, it's all day long sensing that letting God speak

to me, letting him bring the rest into every day that is more realistic

and more doable and more helpful.

modern world than just saying, okay, it's Sunday, so I have to do this.

That, that requires relationship.

That requires intimacy.

That requires knowing ourselves.

That's where the mindset piece comes in.

it requires being honest about where we're at and then doing something with that.

So yeah, I agree.

It's more of an ongoing thing.

and the tough thing for me, and maybe for you, you could respond to this, is that

until you've experienced it, you don't know what it is or how to get to it.

And it sounded to me when you said you were forced because you were in the

hospital, you couldn't homeschool, which you felt like that's a duty of yours.

you couldn't wife, you couldn't take care of your house, you

couldn't do all these things.

You had a forced Sabbath that showed you a little bit a

glimpse of what it looked like.

would that be correct?

Yeah.

I had to be forced.

I didn't like it.

there are times when it's still uncomfortable.

It's a lot more comfortable than it was, but, it still feels a little

foreign and it's scary and I get frustrated 'cause I think, Ooh, I would

rather be just working, but it's, no.

And then I get into it and then I'm okay.

And I see it.

So, yeah.

I think that, let's bring emotions into the conversation because I think,

and, this is so ironic that this statement's about to come outta my

mouth because those in my close circle would say that I'm fairly emotionless.

Hmm.

but it's an observation of mine.

Okay.

But, but we all know that's incorrect.

everyone has it.

Some are more visible, some people deal with them different ways.

We won't, this is not a counseling session, so let's don't go there.

Okay?

Okay.

when my emotions get the best of me, or when I observe people around

me is when they have expectations.

Maybe perfectionism.

They think something's gonna work out a certain way, and

it's sometimes a control thing.

Yeah.

when it doesn't go that way, emotions can kick in and there may be other things,

but maybe I should pause and say, why don't you tell us how emotions fit into

the conversation that we're having here.

In what way?

How it fit into what part of the conversation?

The mindset, the Sabbath, all the, what we're building upon here,

Hmm.

now we're gonna layer in emotional and we've got some tools we're about

to talk about here that you teach on.

Sure.

I'm gonna read the subtitle to your book, 'cause this might

help Three simple steps to manage Emotions with Science and Scripture.

That is quite a bold subtitle for a book, Alicia.

Yay.

Well, thank you.

I'm glad you liked the subtitle.

okay, so just before we go into that other part, let's talk about the, the

subtitle, why, I was very insistent on certain words, steps that was important.

Of course, I manage emotions, but science and scripture, that was the

most important part for me because I think there are a lot of people who are

doing either one of those, but not both.

as believers, we can have both.

We can have both.

And I think the church really needs to understand how to use the gifts of how

God made our bodies to be able to help our emotions line up with what he wants

us to believe and how he wants us to act.

and the, the freedom that comes in that.

So, in terms of how emotions can play into all of this, probably the

simplest metaphor that I give is that.

We are like a pot on a stove full of water.

There is always a fire underneath us.

And we always can probably most of the time, sense that water bubbling our job.

If the water in the pot is our emotions, our job is to make sure that the emotions

are not boiling over the top of the pot.

That we're not covering it up and there's steam coming out and then

there's water coming out the side.

We're never gonna have a perfectly flat level inside there or a really cold

bunch of water 'cause there's always gonna be tension and sometimes we can't

control that level of heat underneath.

But we are in charge of noticing what's going on in that pot of water

and we're in charge of bringing in calm, either taking the top off or

doing different things to lower it.

doing that all of the time with God's help and through understanding how

our body works, how our nervous system works, what's happening in our body

when we're feeling these things.

So this is an ongoing thing.

I also give the example of husband is a diabetic, and so the

topic of blood sugar is always.

Hi.

The number of what his blood sugar is is always kind of as part of

the background of our conversation.

So if you don't live with a diabetic, you probably don't know that the ideal blood

sugar number is 100 at a given point.

That's the number we're always aiming for.

And you're never gonna get to 100.

Sometimes you're gonna be 150, you're gonna be a 200 depending on what you ate.

You might, you could go down to 60, but you're always trying to aim for a hundred.

And that's like with our emotions.

We're never going to be perfectly calm, chill this zen environment,

or we can't hold it for very long.

We're never gonna be at a hundred for very long because the next thing's gonna come.

so it's like that.

I think we're in charge of just what's the temperature happening inside

that water, asking God for help as to where it could be coming from.

What can I do in my body to calm that down?

And then yes, what can I do to process it?

Which is that a DD method we'll talk about in a minute.

But we, we are in charge of that.

Not somebody else.

We have to learn the skill to be in charge of it.

We have to decide that I'm gonna do something about it, not just see

it and continue to be overflowing because a lot of us have been

overflowing for a long time.

And then it's that one little thing, you know, you have this huge stressful

thing at work, and then you come home and you just blow up all over everyone.

Well, because you've had this huge, long, stressful thing at work, and

you're like, why did I do that?

I didn't want, of course we didn't want to, but could learn to slowly

let off some of the steam a little at a time, then it, it's become so

much easier to manage the ongoing ups and downs of what we're feeling.

You know what's so good about that, Alicia, is just this morning with

coffee, I was talking to Glory and I was talking about, just I've got a

lot going on with a new role and the things I'm working on, and and I was

just saying that I need to focus on those things that release the steam.

Ah,

In my life.

That's an analogy that I use quite a bit.

and I shared with her a few things that are the, this is what, yeah.

we're tracking here.

it's fascinating, that lets me know the Holy Spirit is kind of jumping in here

with us or running the show or whatever.

Yeah.

I think that's good.

the thing I want you to say before we kind of move into the tools that you

have, and I think it's just going to be enough for people to say, I gotta get

the book probably, 'cause I'm looking at our time here because Alicia, I

think there are a number of people in our culture and society, even people

that are sitting in churches and would call themselves followers of Christ,

that they really do believe that circumstances or culture or the way they

were raised or their situation or their work situation, family, whether all of

those things are controlling, polling

Mm-hmm.

their pot, that fire, everything like that.

And they don't really have that much, if any, control over that.

Say something to those people that are going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't, I don't, I can't really, I don't, I've got too much going on.

I'm a mom, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

they're right and they're wrong at the same time.

You wanna know why?

Because you, you cannot control the level of the fire underneath you sometimes.

And that is part of understanding your emotions.

You cannot tell someone who's going through a cancer treatment chemo, I

have a friend who's been going through cancer treatment for four years.

I cannot tell her, just stop being stressed about that.

Like, it's gonna be okay.

Are you kidding me?

Look what she's been going through.

Now, that's true, right?

That's underneath you.

But we always have the decision of what we're going to do with that heat, Are

we gonna put the top on it and just block it off and not deal with it?

we gonna let the, the negativity and all the stuff that we really feel and the

fear, are we gonna let that take over?

Another analogy that I use is the air traffic controller.

The air traffic controller decides whether or not a plane lands at an airfield.

We have the ability to say, I see that plane circling.

I see the, the frustrations I'm feeling.

Yeah, it's annoying.

That person says that, I hate that I have to struggle with

this, am I gonna let it land?

I can see it, but do I wanna let it land and unlock all the baggage that's

there, or am I gonna say, Hmm, no, sorry.

Moving on to the next runway.

I get to decide that.

I get to decide what I focus on because what I focus on determines

what deter my actions and my beliefs.

Everything is going back to what I do with it.

So I can have that stuff thrown at me.

That fire can be underneath me.

That's a hundred percent true.

I'm not gonna deny about that.

the same time, we have a response.

We have the brain that controls, or we have the mind that controls the brain.

We have the mind of Christ to even help us further control the natural things

we're thinking and working through.

So it doesn't mean that we push them down, we still see them.

part of the compassion.

When we talk about this model of processing in a minute,

that's part of the compassion.

But yeah, we have to recognize that both are present.

Both are present.

It's gonna come, the flame's gonna come.

Jesus said You will have trouble in this world, but he also said you need

to take control of your thoughts.

So it's both.

The cool thing is, is that.

To me is the mindset that I was about to ask about.

So you just addressed

Yes.

Now, at least you're leaning in that direction of the proper mindset.

Mm-hmm.

Then you need some ways of dealing with it.

We don't have a lot of time, and I wanna do it justice here, but give us a glimpse

Yes.

of the tool that helps with this.

So let's quickly go through what is called the A DD method.

The acknowledge, discern, and Decide method.

So once we figured out, okay, I'm feeling this emotion.

Three simple things that you can do, which you'll learn more about it

in the book, emotional confidence.

First step is to acknowledge.

So just simply saying it makes sense.

I feel this way because why am I feeling like this?

Why does it make sense?

I'm frustrated today.

Why does it make sense?

I'm overwhelmed and leaning into God's compassion for that because

he understands, he sees you in it.

He wants to let you know that you're not alone in it.

This is a step that I think people in the church really need to hear.

'cause a lot of us are quick to go to this second step, but

that God loves us through it.

It's okay to feel it.

It's plausible.

I'm feeling this way and here's why.

Second step is to discern.

Discern, okay, I'm feeling like this, but what's true and what's not true.

It's true that X, Y, Z, but it's not true that like this, this is where

we're leaning into God's clarity.

He's helping us sort through like stuff in a closet.

This is stuff that's true that I need to keep.

This is stuff that's junk, that is maybe old thinking or trauma from the past,

or pity parties or fear, all the stuff.

That's not what I need to be thinking about.

And that's playing a role here.

And then the last step is to decide, so in light of what I've seen and sensed

and what is true and not true, what is that next best step that God has for me?

asking for his courage.

God help me to make that ability to, let go of this, to surrender

this, to make that hard call to tell the person what I need to, to

do, to set a boundary, whatever the situation is, what is that next step?

And the second half of that is where will I emotionally dwell?

So we can work through the anxiety or the fear, but then if we're not

careful, we'll go right back to it.

So where can I dwell?

thoughts, what is that truth that I need to stand on?

Maybe it's, God is faithful.

He will be faithful through this.

God is always taking care of me.

God always loves me.

I serve an audience of one for a people pleaser.

It doesn't need to be perfect for me to be loved.

You know, that's a perfectionist.

Things like that.

What is that place where I wanna live emotionally as I make that decision?

So that's the process.

Acknowledge, discern, and decide.

So a couple quick things on it.

it sounds simple, but my guess is it's not easy.

Correct.

it is simple in how it is explained and put together.

The best way to describe it is there's A motto for, one of my favorite games that I

like to play a board game called Othello.

My kids always are like, mom, don't make me play Othello with you.

I love Othello, but the motto is, A Minute to learn.

A Lifetime to master.

I love that because I can talk through this in a minute and explain it to

you, but The more I get into that mode of thinking through it, the easier it

becomes, the more natural it becomes.

That's why I created the membership, the Emotional Confidence Club, because it's

like we need to be around other people who are also practicing this and working

through this and seeing, oh, well, I tried this or I didn't do this, or whatever.

So it's a practice.

It's a simple thing to learn, but it's a practice as we do it.

My guess is, is some people are looking for an easy answer and so

they think they'll walk through this once and that will be it.

But it seems as if it, as you said, practice almost a lifestyle too.

I mean, can, does it

Very

move to that within your community?

Do you notice that?

Yeah.

So there are some things that you may just work through in a second.

Like you just kind of can walk through it really quickly.

And then there's like, my friend with cancer, you know, she's

continually having to go back through some of those different steps.

really needing to acknowledge a new part of this, a new part of the diagnosis.

seeing, oh, this new fear is coming up or this new thing, and that's not true.

That's not what, what God wants me to focus on.

So we're continually using this as like a lifestyle, like a guide to

help us as we're walking through it.

So it's good for those kind of long-term things we're walking

through, or even in the moment.

Okay, how can I work through this in a more efficient way or helpful way for me?

And honestly as you start off this conversation, what you said, how

can I use the everyday emotions that I have with Jesus in a real way?

I can't think of a more honest, vulnerable way to get to know the Lord

than to be real with your emotions with him in a thing like this.

Yeah, that's very good.

Why don't you, I think I've got one more question after this, but Alicia,

tell us where to find all your stuff.

You got membership, you got podcasts, you got book.

We'll include things down in the notes.

But for those that might just be listening in, just go ahead and give us, your pitch.

Tell me where your stuff is.

well I try to make it simple.

my website is alicia michelle.com, so it's A-L-I-C-I-A-M-I-C-H-E-L-L e.com.

And you can go there to find out about the club.

I have a program called the Christian Mindset Makeover.

you can find the podcast anywhere or on the site too, but it's

called the Christian Mindset Coach.

Honestly, the best way to connect with me is to reach out to me on social.

I love talking on Instagram or Facebook.

It's at Alicia Michelle, coach, or I think on Facebook.

It's at the Alicia Michelle, coach.

Don't ask me why I got set up like that, but it is.

if anyone listening wants to talk further about these things, please

send me a dm. Let's talk further.

I love just quick calls like this or just talking about some

of these things in a deeper way.

So yeah, reach out and let's continue the conversation.

Very good, Alicia.

If somebody's listening in and they feel as if their emotions are getting the

best of them or they're frustrated with things, or they may be like old you.

Mm-hmm.

give you just a few sec. I, I would like you to speak directly to them.

As we finish up here.

why don't you just offer a word of encouragement for someone

who's still sticking around, but they may be struggling with some

of the stuff we talked about.

I would say that you are a whole person.

You're not just a job, you're not just a mom, you're not just a dad.

that you're not just a body, you are a soul.

you also have a physical body.

Everything works together in your body.

if you are feeling it is like a check engine light for your

soul of what's happening.

It's not that you, see a check engine light, we don't

have to pull over right then.

And oh my gosh, I have to change my tires right now.

No, probably not.

So if you're sensing some of these things going off, know

that it's not that you're broken.

It's that God is trying to use this very natural part of how he's

created you to say, Hey, this little part of you, I wanna help you.

I really don't want it to become something in your life that requires

you to be in bed for nine months.

I don't wanna have to get your attention in this way, but know

that if I don't let you see this, it's gonna affect your health.

It's gonna affect your relationships.

There is no way that it cannot affect these other areas.

So just take some time with me bring it before me and let me help you

kind of work through what it could be about, just sitting down in the quiet

and starting to unpack some of that.

That would be the very first step I would say, is what could this be about?

Bring it before God.

Let him help you see what it is, and don't be afraid to see

it, because a lot of times we're like, I don't even wanna see it.

That's really scary.

Then what do I do with it?

Well, again, this book is a great place to go if you're not sure what

to do with it, how to process it.

This is a great place to start.

I love it.

Alicia, Michelle, thank you.

Enjoyed the conversation.

The book is, this is on my Kindle here.

Emotional confidence for those watching on YouTube.

You could see the cover probably.

I bet it looks a lot better in real book.

There's the real one.

Yeah.

Look at those colors and all that much better.

Three simple steps to manage emotions with science and scripture.

love.

I've got a visual of a boiling pot of water that's sitting on a flame and.

Some steam coming out that started my morning this morning and, and

Michelle just continued that.

Get her book.

Go listen to the podcast right now.

Go subscribe.

The links are down below.

I appreciate this conversation.

Thank you all for listening in.

I appreciate all of you, your liking and sharing.

We're seeing so many things bubble with what we're doing here

at Seek Go Create not long ago crossing over our 300th episode.

we will see everyone next week on Seek Go Create.