Well, good morning everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction.
TammyToday we have with us a very, very special guest because it's somebody that I've been following her work and her podcast or her, her blog and everything for years and years and years.
TammyBut today we have with us Jody Lamb.
TammyShe's a personal growth author dedicated to helping adult children of alcoholics heal from their past and create their dream lives.
TammyHer resilience and dedication stem from her own experiences of growing up with an alcoholic mother.
TammySince 2009, Jody has been sharing the insights with a global community of adult children of alcoholics.
TammyHer middle grade novel Easter and Peter's Operation Cool received forward many reviews.
TammyI can't read.
TammyI don't have my glasses on.
TammyIn a 2012 book of the Year award for its realistic portrayal of parental alcoholism, on her website, Jody Lamb.com she offers simple strategies to overcome the challenges of being an adult child of an alcoholic and live a peaceful, fulfilling life.
TammyI'm just excited to have her here because literally, she was one of the very first people to come online and start talking about this life that so many of us have lived and so many of us have just stayed silent about.
TammySo welcome, Jody.
JodyThank you so much, Tammy.
TammyYeah.
TammySo tell us a little bit.
TammyI know you were, your mother was obviously an alcoholic, but tell us a little bit about your journey and how you felt the need to start advocating and really advocating for your past.
JodyYeah, yeah.
JodyWell, like you, you know, I spent most of my adult life until I was 26, very focused on my quest, my lifelong quest, to convince my mother to finally stop drinking.
JodyAnd her drinking had affected me tremendously growing up.
JodyAnd as her disease progressed into my teenage years and early adult years, I was just so determined, you know, as the eldest daughter of two, to be the one to, to, to make her finally accept help and we could all live happily ever after.
JodyThat's what I thought.
JodyIf she, she stopped drinking, the chaos would stop and my father, my sister and I could, could live our own life because as is often the case, we really didn't have our own lives.
JodyWe had sort of one big chaotic life that revolved around my mother's drinking.
JodyAnd, you know, after doing everything I could think to do to help her at 26, I finally hit my own rock bottom.
JodyI was exhausted, I was deeply depressed.
JodyI dreaded every day.
JodyAnd I thought, I'm not sure I will survive this the way that it feels.
JodyI, I thought somehow some way it was going to take my life.
JodyAnd so it was this desperation point.
JodyI finally went to an Al Anon meeting, and I went there still desperate for the solution to the drinking.
JodyAnd it was there when I heard those fellow participants sharing their story that I thought, that's.
JodyThat's my story.
JodyThat's how I felt.
JodyAnd it was in that I had this true aha.
JodyThat I was ill.
JodyI was very ill.
JodyAnd that it was my time to stop obsessing over my mother's drinking and focus on taking good care of me.
JodyAnd that was 15 years ago.
JodyThat was the start of my.
JodyMy journey.
JodyAnd I'm so thrilled to report that after a lot of focus on me and therapy, self care, education, that I truly love the life that I have today and back at 26 years old at that Al Anon meeting, while walking down the steps into that meeting, I couldn't have imagined it.
JodyAnd so I feel very compelled to share my story, to help others learn from what I've learned and to kind of continue that conversation just as you're doing.
JodyAnd it's been very inspiring to hear from.
JodyFrom so many others who share our story.
TammyOh, yeah, I can't even imagine.
TammyI mean, I can imagine because that's why I do what I do.
TammyIt's funny that you said 26 was your aha moment, because that was my aha moment.
TammyI had been through all of.
TammyYeah, it was very interesting.
TammyI was actually getting ready to have my first child.
TammyAnd I don't know if you have children, but if you.
TammyHave you ever read the book love you forever?
JodyNo, but I've heard of it.
TammyOkay, so for those of you, you that have listened to other episodes, you've probably heard me mention this, but it's a book about.
TammyIt's a children's book, but it's about a mother's unconditional love for her son.
TammySo she's pregnant and she's rocking back and forth in the rocking chair and she's singing, I love you forever.
TammyI like you for always, Forever and ever My baby you'll be.
TammyAnd it goes through all these stages where he's.
TammyTerrible twos, you know, being a bratty teenager doing all this stuff, getting grown, moving out.
TammyAt the end of the book, the tables are turned and she's now weak and frail and old.
TammyAnd he's rocking her, singing the same song, but singing, my mommy you'll be.
TammyAnd I was pregnant with my first child reading that book.
TammyAnd it should have been like this really serendipitous, like, happy moment.
TammyAnd I totally broke down because I was like, I don't even have a memory of hugging my mother.
TammyLike, I don't even know what unconditional love feels like.
TammyAnd that was my aha moment.
TammyAnd I thought, obviously, the answer can't be just doing the exact opposite of what I saw.
TammyThat can't be just the answer.
TammySo that's when that was my aha moment at exactly 26 years old.
TammySo, I mean, God bless it that we got it that early, because some people are in their 50s and 60s going, life's just not quite right.
TammyAnd I can't put my finger on it.
JodyWell, I'm so grateful that that book inspired you.
JodyThe books are very powerful.
TammyAbsolutely.
TammySo.
TammySo tell us.
TammySo the work you do is.
TammyI mean, you write, you have a blog, you do all kinds of stuff.
TammyBut what.
TammyOkay, so in Al Anon.
TammyI know I went to Al Anon for many, many years.
TammyDid you.
TammyDid you kind of move out of Al Anon to go to anything else, or was that your answer?
TammyDid you, like, move to adult children of alcoholics after Al Anon?
JodyYeah, when I.
JodySo at that point, when I started my journey, it began with Al Anon, and hearing those stories at the meetings kind of helped set my path.
JodySo I was.
JodyI was desperate at that point for kind of a playbook.
JodyAnd you probably felt that way at 26, when you were about to have a child.
JodyYou know, what do I do?
JodyI recognize now that I've been so deeply affected.
JodyWhat do I do?
JodyWell, I know no playbook existed, so what I thought is I could get more educated.
JodyAnd so I started reading more about the science of addiction and truly understanding what had happened to my family.
JodyWhat my mother, you know, was.
JodyWas deeply addicted to alcohol.
JodyAnd up until that point, I did not understand the true science of addiction.
JodyI thought there was a lot more decision making that she was making.
JodyAnd so that that emphasis on education really opened my eyes to realize that I was.
JodyI had a completely normal reaction to everything that had happened.
JodyAnd it was also very bittersweet to discover just how common it is.
JodyUp until that point, I felt very alone, and it was such a secret, and no one at school or in my world talked about it.
JodySo I felt very alone.
JodyAnd so it was a very bittersweet feeling to think there are so many other people who have experienced this, so I'm not alone.
JodyBut also there are so many people who've experienced this.
JodyAnd that was very hard to recognize because I knew how painful that.
JodyThat it was.
JodySo I kept going to the Al Anon meetings.
JodyI did go to adult children of dysfunction a bit, too.
JodyI spent a lot of time for about three or four years in both groups.
JodyAnd, you know, as you probably have shared with others, sometimes you have to go to a few different meetings to find one that fits your style.
JodyThey all have a different vibe or a different focus.
JodyAnd so that was very helpful.
JodyAnd then around that time, I started therapy and found a few who, you know, had acoa or adult children of alcoholics syndrome and dysfunctional family background.
JodyBut, you know, they.
JodyThey didn't really connect with me.
JodyI found that they didn't have the true understanding of what I'd gone through.
JodySo it took me a few different therapists.
JodyI view it kind of like dating, where you have to spend time with different therapists to really find one who fits you at that moment.
JodyAnd so, you know, after a few years, I found a therapist who really clicked well with me, who had grown up with an alcoholic father and had.
JodyWas an alcoholic in recovery himself.
JodySo he got me immediately and kind of set me on the path, asking me questions very directly that helped open my eyes to what I needed to do.
JodyAnd around that time, with the therapy and education, I started truly understanding what self care was because I didn't know what it meant to take good care of myself because I'd never done it before.
JodyAnd I started doing things that as a child, I loved to do and kind of being free for the first time.
JodyAnd that's when things really started to change for me and led me to where I am today.
TammyAwesome.
TammySo did you.
TammyAnd I don't know if I get go anywhere.
TammyWe didn't talk about this before.
TammyUsually I say, is there anywhere you don't want me to go or talk about or.
TammyAnd if I do just kind of nod or say, stop, you know, good enough.
TammyBut is you.
TammyLet's let me ask this first.
TammyDo you still have a good relationship with your parents?
JodyWell, it's so fascinating, Tammy.
JodyI at one time thought that I could never have a good relationship with my mother, but I would say today it's good.
JodyWe got into a very healthy spot for one reason alone, and that is boundaries.
JodyBecause I had to set very firm boundaries with her, I'd stick to them.
JodyAnd that was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life.
JodyAnd for that reason, we've been able to kind of grow this relationship.
JodySo we talk about once a week.
JodyWe spend time as a family at holidays, and occasionally, you know, get together.
JodyShe still is Active.
JodyAnd she still suffers from her substance use disorder, but she's in a much better spot than I really ever could have imagined.
JodyMy father passed away about 10 years ago, and I didn't.
JodyAt that time, when he passed away, I.
JodyI didn't think that she would survive it.
JodyI feared that she would.
JodyThe grief coupled with everything else she already had going on.
JodyBut amazingly, when she was forced to stand on her own two feet and take care of herself and respect my boundaries, interestingly, she started to get better herself.
TammyThat's.
TammyThat's great.
TammyAnd I love.
TammyI love stories where people can actually reconcile and then they can re.
TammyEstablish and mend that relationship.
TammyBecause.
TammyBecause I don't know.
TammyAgain, I don't know what your.
TammyI know there was chaos.
TammyI know there was dysfunction.
TammyI know there was confusion.
TammyI don't know if there was fear and a physical abuse.
TammyI don't know any of those details.
TammyBut it's good to know that so many people can.
TammyYou can reestablish that.
TammyAnd going to Al Anon sometimes, that was.
TammyThat was a big turning point for me.
TammyI remember my father told me when I was 13, because he was an alcoholic as well, and he knew.
TammyHe said to me, when I was 13 years old, Tammy, your mother and I are doing irreparable damage to you and your brother and sister.
JodyOh, wow.
TammyI don't know how to help you.
TammyI was like, okay, so, like, so what do I do with that?
TammyAnd I went to an alatine meeting and they were talking about empathy.
TammyThat was the subject of the night.
TammyAnd the very night before my mom had.
TammyIt was kind of a.
TammyJust a bad situation.
TammyMy mom had been drinking.
TammyObviously they were getting ready to get divorced.
TammyAnd back in the 70s, there wasn't a, you know, there wasn't custody battles.
TammyDad got, mom got.
TammyBasically, unless you could prove her unfit, mom got custody.
TammyThat's kind of how it was a while ago.
TammySo she was kind of nervous about that.
TammySo she was doing everything she could to get my father to be abusive to her.
TammySo that we would have to say, dad hits mom.
TammyAnd my father was always like the most mellow, like, chilled out, kind, just relaxed.
TammyAnd I'll never forget it.
TammyAnd that very next morning, I went to this Al Anon meeting or day after school after I'd watched my mother burn cigarettes on my father trying to get him to hit her.
TammyAnd my dad's like, not going to do it.
TammyBut at that stage in my life, I regret that it was that meeting because I didn't Understand empathy.
TammyI didn't understand putting yourself in someone's shoes.
TammyI didn't understand, like you said, that it was a disease and that it wasn't her just being this nasty, mean person.
TammyIt was the alcohol doing it to her.
TammySo I walked away from Alotine for 15 years, 11 years, something like that.
TammyAnd it took me getting back, and I wish I hadn't gone to that one meeting because now I don't have hard feelings.
TammyMy.
TammyMy parents have both passed, but there is no hard feelings there.
TammyThere's only compassion and there's empathy for anybody that is going through that situation.
TammySo, you know, it takes work when relationships are broken like that.
TammyIt takes a lot of work.
TammyBut I love that you're hopeful and you can share that, that it's.
TammyIt's mendable.
TammyThose relationships are absolutely mendable.
TammyYes.
JodyAnd, you know, and when you're actively.
JodyWhen you're living with an active alcoholic, it's very difficult to have empathy because you're, You're.
JodyYou're just in such a unhealthy, likely destructive environment that you can't think clearly.
JodyYou're not.
JodyYour basic needs are not being met.
JodyIt's very hard to.
JodyTo separate this horrible person as they are when they're drinking from the human being underneath all of that.
JodyAnd as a teenager, I got very resentful because I didn't understand what was going on.
JodyI.
JodyI thought that every day my mother was making a decision, and, you know, I was crying, I was begging, I was writing letters, I was calling her siblings and trying, doing everything I could possibly think to do as a young person.
JodyAnd I just simply didn't understand that I could not control it.
JodyAnd it wasn't my job.
JodyMy job was to be a kid, to be a young person and take good care of me.
JodyBut I didn't have any of this education or this knowledge.
JodyAnd like your father.
JodyMy father was.
JodyMy father was not an alcoholic, but he was a very deeply embedded codependent, and he felt very strongly that my mother just needed everyone to take care of things for her.
JodyNow, as we know, we were completely enabling her.
TammyRight.
JodyAnd looking back, I thought I was doing the right thing, you know, by, you know, keeping everything a secret, cleaning up the messes, figuratively and literally, you know, keeping everything together, not telling anyone, taking care of myself, taking care of my younger sister.
JodyYou know, I became absolutely the mother in the whole household.
JodySo I was the mother figure, the reliable, dependent one for my sister.
JodyAnd my mother had no reason to change because I had Taken over all of her responsibilities.
JodyAnd.
JodyAnd.
JodyAnd I deeply regret that because I.
JodyI took that purpose from her unknowingly.
JodyI thought I was doing the right thing, being the good older daughter.
JodyAnd now I know through education that I was really preventing her from realizing the help that she needed to get.
JodyUnfortunately, she did not ever really accept the help, but I never gave her the chance during those years to do so.
TammyRight.
TammyAnd, you know, I also don't like the.
TammyI don't like when people say, well, we got to let them hit rock bottom.
TammyYou know, you can still be compassionate and you can still try to do those things, but, yeah, it's.
TammyIt's heart wrenching watching someone that you love hit rock bottom, whether it's a spouse or a child or, you know, an aunt and whoever it is, to let that.
TammyYou want to help them.
TammyYou want to.
TammyAnd I know we talk.
TammyYou've probably done blog posts on is it enabling or is it helping?
TammyYou know, like, there's a big difference between helping someone and being kind and enabling them to carry on their addiction.
TammyI mean, it's definitely a fine line, but it's good.
TammyAgain, that's why you're out here to tell people.
TammyAnd do you think that she knew?
TammyLike, did you have any conversations when she was actively drinking about the drinking?
TammyLike, was it ever discussed?
JodyOh, yes, yes, yes.
JodyBetween the two of us.
JodyIt started when I was about 12, you know, me having the frank conversations with her about how it made me feel, feel.
JodyAnd, you know, she came from an alcoholic household when she was 11 years old.
JodyA lot.
JodyA lot of dysfunction, a lot of unresolved trauma.
JodyI didn't know that at the time.
JodyI had no idea as a child.
JodySo she never opened up about any of that.
JodyShe just always dismissed the drinking as something I didn't need to worry about, that it was just something she had to do.
JodyAnd.
JodyAnd the conversations really went nowhere.
JodyWe repeated the same conversation over and over again for several years.
JodyYou know, even, you know, as I became a young adult, I was.
JodyI was so certain that I could one day say the right thing or she would reach a point where she was just tired of it, of tired of that life and miraculously decide to get help or just cold turkey, stop drinking.
JodyI had that, you know, hope, too.
JodyAnd my father had this rosy outlook on life.
JodyThat was his personality, which was a wonderful trait to have, except when it came to my mother, because he would always say, things just have a way of working out.
JodyAnd he just believed that we just got through that period, she was going through a rough patch.
JodyWe would turn out okay on the other side.
JodyWell, the rough patches went on for years, and he didn't have the education or the knowledge to know what to do, so he just kind of did the best that he could.
JodyAnd unfortunately, he passed away just as I was really getting wisdom on this topic.
JodyAnd.
JodyAnd I often wonder if he had passed away, you know, how we could.
JodyHow I could have helped him learn and, you know, deal with it.
JodyBut the good news is my sister and I, you know, we have the.
JodyThe wisdom.
JodyWe're stopping the cycle in our family.
JodyAnd.
JodyAnd we've, you know, have.
JodyWe're focused on ourselves.
TammyPerfect.
TammyI mean, that's all you can do.
TammyAnd, you know, I say I go back to all these cliches, you know, I don't know how many times I heard my mother say, I don't know why you guys keep bothering me about this.
TammyI'm only hurting myself.
TammyAnd if she'll.
TammyAnd she was a child psychiatrist.
JodyWow.
TammySo I feel like there had to be some knowledge of what was going on.
TammyI mean, she was a doctor.
TammyLike, she had to know.
TammyBut, you know, again, her.
TammyShe was troubled her whole life.
TammyIt was a coping mechanism.
TammyThat's how it started.
TammyShe was anorexic at 13.
TammyHer father sent her to boarding school for four years.
TammyNever even saw her.
TammyJust.
TammyAnd he was a child.
TammyHe was a psychiatrist, so it was like just boom, boom, boom.
TammySo you talk about generational, but, yes, it's good that, you know, somebody stand up.
TammyThat's what I tell my kids, and I even tell my kids, and I'm very honest with them, is that even if I had never picked up a drink, you are acquiring all the traits of having lived with an alcoholic.
TammyBecause I was at the beginning of my learning stage.
TammyYou know, if I knew now what I knew 20 years ago when my children were born.
TammyTotally different ballgame.
TammyBut you can't beat yourself up about that.
TammyAll you can do is move forward.
JodyAbsolutely.
JodyYes.
JodyAnd as.
JodyAs we chatted about earlier, you know, this is really a lifelong journey.
JodyAnd, you know, when I started it, I thought, well, you know, at some point here, I will reach.
JodyI will reach full knowledge of this topic.
JodyI will.
JodyI will be happy.
JodyI will have everything I need to have.
JodyAnd I know now that it's a journey of continual learning.
JodySo, you know, five years ago, I thought I really had great wisdom.
JodyAnd now, five years later, there's so much more that I recognize that I have opportunity to learn and grow.
JodyAnd it's very exciting because I am at a point that I never thought that I could be at.
JodyYeah, I thought that I was.
JodyI was dealt very bad cards in life that I would always be burdened with being in the middle of the chaos, taking care of my parents on every level, financially, emotionally.
JodyJust so much responsibility that I thought I had to bear for the rest of my life.
JodyIt was overwhelming.
JodyYou can imagine why I was.
JodyI felt so depressed at 26.
JodyAnd now being through this whole process of healing, it.
JodyIt's so exciting.
JodyI wish I could go back in time and kind of whisper in teenager me's ear and say, this is what life is going to be like in the future.
JodyYou believe that you'll get there and you will.
JodyAnd.
JodyAnd there are just millions of people who have lived this.
JodyAnd you listen to the stories.
JodyThey're all variations of the same story.
TammyAbsolutely.
JodyAnd you think, how did they.
JodyHow did they get through that and.
JodyAnd come out, you know, so fulfilled and, you know, having a life they love and it's because they put in the time to heal.
TammyYes.
JodySo much as possible.
TammyNow, what do you.
TammyWhat would you attribute your best?
TammyLike, I know you went to therapy.
TammyIs that what you would say did the most healing for you was the therapy?
JodyNo, actually it was the Al Anon meetings.
JodyI mean, therapy had to happen.
JodyIt was absolutely critical step, but it was.
JodyIt was the realization that I had a completely normal reaction because all the while the anxiety that I felt, issues that I had picked up along the way with my relationships, how I worked, everything was attributed to my experiences with my mother.
JodyAnd being in those meetings really kind of opened my eyes that this is.
JodyOther people are feeling this way too.
JodyYou're normal.
JodyAnd now you just have to figure out how to sort of unprogram your thinking.
JodyAnd I did a lot of that.
JodyIt's still there.
JodyIt still comes back, of course.
JodyBut that's why the learning is always good.
JodyAnd, you know, staying connected with people and having the conversations, always a reminder of the healthy thinking.
JodyAnd when you start to slip back into the unhealthy thinking, it's the.
JodyIt's the voices and the stories around you that.
JodyThat remind and get you right back on the right path.
TammyRight.
TammyAnd I love that you made the comment that you said you had to go back and like, you wanted to go back and talk to that teenage teenager and whisper in their ear and say, this is what it can be like.
TammyThis is what it's going to look like.
TammyBut you also made a reference to comment earlier that you had clearly done some inner child work like you were going back and, and being that young child again.
TammyAnd I think that is so vitally important for people listening.
TammyThat is you learn to be a kid again, you know, re parent yourself like that little child that didn't get that love.
TammyI mean I still do it to this day when I'm like sad about something.
TammyI literally physically hug myself like, you got this girl, you're okay, you're safe.
TammyYou know, I mean it is all those that, it's the child that, that runs your life.
TammyThat inner child is like your subconscious mind and that is what is running your, it's not necessarily what's running your life, but it's what makes those split decisions.
TammyIt's what makes you feel good or bad about yourself.
TammyIt's what makes all of that stuff.
TammySo if you can go, the more you can go back and get in touch with that little Jody, the better, the better you're going to be.
JodyYou are absolutely correct in that.
JodyAnd, and there the one, the most impactful therapist I had, he was the one I mentioned earlier about, who was an alcoholic in recovery himself.
JodyHe had an alcoholic father.
JodyHe challenged me to do a lot of that inner child work and I sort of laughed at him.
JodyIt all seemed very corny to me and I thought, I don't, I don't need that.
JodyYou know, I'm, I'm, I'm a strong, independent woman.
JodyI don't need to go back that far.
JodyAnd he said, just do me a favor and take a photo of yourself, maybe six or seven years old and post it somewhere in your house like on your refrigerator or your bathroom mirror or whatever.
JodyAnd I did it.
JodyAnd it, it absolutely shifted my view because I suddenly saw this innocent little kid, not as, as me as a seven year old, but this innocent kid.
JodyAnd, and I felt sad for her.
JodyI felt angry.
JodyLike this person, this young person was robbed and had to grow up way too fast.
JodyAnd in my next session after that, or I had that photo of myself taped up, he said, you know, how do you feel?
JodyAnd I said great.
JodyAnd it was the very first time that I had ever felt that emotion.
JodyAnger about everything.
JodyIt had been sadness, sadness that my mother had had this issue, sadness that I experienced it, sadness that I failed to solve it like I wanted to my whole life.
JodyAnd I finally felt anger.
JodyAnd that emotion is what fueled me to start doing a lot more activities that I love to do.
JodyIt really helped define my self care path and I started doing things I love to do, which opened up the door for new friend groups with people who had similar interests.
JodyAnd it really gave me a more fulfilled, joyful life.
JodyAnd it was all from that inner child work that started with the photo of myself on my bathroom mirror.
TammyYou got it.
TammyI've done about, I would say, probably on and off, like six years.
TammyI mean, inner child work has just become a part of who I am, really.
TammyYou know, I talk to that inner child.
TammyI.
TammyI acknowledge when something's going on, and I think, oh, that doesn't sound like me.
TammyWhere'd that come from?
TammyI go right back there.
TammyLet's go right back there.
TammyLet's write her a lever letter.
TammyI do a lot of journaling, and when I write her letters, I always use the opposite hand and have her write one back.
TammyI don't know if you've ever tried anything like that.
TammyAnd the reasoning for that, they.
TammyThe things that I've heard from psychologists and stuff is that when you use your opposite hand, you're pulling from the other side of your brain.
TammyYou're kind of opening up more of the intuition side.
TammyAll of this stuff, I think something different now.
TammyThis is just me thinking, so who knows?
TammyYou can take this with a grain of salt, but when you're writing with your opposite hand, you're focusing on the letters, not what you're actually saying.
TammyYou're focusing on the.
TammyThe purposely, like you know what you want to say.
TammyBut I feel like when I do that, it takes the ego out of it.
TammyFor me, it takes me out of it.
TammyAnd I'm just writing from her and focusing on the T and the H.
TammyAnd then I'll look down and like afterwards, and I'll read it like two days later and be like, oh, wow, that's kind of cool.
TammyLike, I never, like, literally, it's almost like.
TammyI don't want to say dissociating, but almost like I am.
TammyI'm literally.
JodyYeah, I love that method.
JodyI'm going to try that for sure.
JodyThat's a great idea.
TammyIt made a really big difference to me.
TammyIt really did.
JodySo great.
TammyThis has been so much fun.
TammyI don't want to keep you all day.
TammyI know you are super busy, but I could talk to you all day.
TammyI mean, obviously we, you know, likewise.
TammyYeah, I was gonna say it's.
TammyIt's like being in a meeting now.
TammyI'm just kidding.
TammyBut, yeah, those.
TammyThere is so much power and community, and I tell people that all the time.
TammyAnd you have questions like that's why I do this podcast.
TammyIf, if one person out of 10,000 goes, huh, maybe I'll try that.
TammyOr that sounds cool.
TammyOr let me.
TammyI never thought about that.
TammyI went back and I was one of kind of like you.
TammyI like to learn.
TammyI'm a chronic learner.
TammySo I had somebody say to me, hey, you ought to do nlp.
TammyLike, that might help you with your childhood stuff.
TammySo what do I do?
TammyI immediately go out and get certified to do nlp.
TammyLike, I'm, like, I.
TammyI'm not gonna let anybody try anything on me until I know what it's all about.
TammyBut there's always learning.
TammyLike you said, there's always something.
TammyAnd oh, we, there's so much out there, guys.
TammyWe are in a perfect world where there's so many resources for everybody.
TammyIt shouldn't.
TammyAll you need is one.
TammyOne idea to spark.
TammyWow.
TammyThere's more.
TammyI can learn more or I can.
TammyI can be a little bit happier.
TammyAnd when you start, even if you don't exactly go ahead.
JodyYeah.
JodyIf you don't have the time even, you know, I started with one hour every week with one Al Anon meeting.
JodyAnd then I suddenly found the time miraculously.
JodyI had, you know, very demanding job as obviously very responsible at home for my sister.
JodyLots of other things going on, but I started finding the time to put into it and it all just became clear what I needed to do.
JodyAnd I was forever grateful that I put those little bits of time into it because it's so more than worth it.
TammyOh, yeah.
TammyAnd now that we have the Internet like you said, you could jump on right now and find 20 online Al Anon meetings.
JodyYes.
JodyYes.
JodyHow fortunate we are in that way.
JodyYes.
TammyYou know, somehow I'll wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, it'll be 4 o'clock in the morning.
TammyI'm like, oh, there's got to be one going on at.
TammyIn Germany, because it's 10 in the morning there.
TammyYou just jump on like there's.
TammyIt's so easy.
TammyBut if people want to work with you or talk to you or get more of your information, what is the absolute best place and quickest place for them to access you?
JodyThe best place is my website, jodlam.com.
Jodyi there share tips and resources, a lot about my personal journey, what I learned along the way.
JodyI'm also on, you know, pretty much all the social platforms, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook.
JodyAnd right now I'm working on a memoir.
JodySo I'm really excited to Release that in 2025.
JodySo if you're interested in learning more details about my story and what I learned, there's a sign up to my email list right on the homepage of my website, Jody Lamb.com and you sign up.
JodyYou'll get tips and resources and be alerted when that book is available.
JodyExcited to share more details about my story.
JodyPeople ask me a lot of questions about it and I think it's very familiar to people.
JodySo really excited about next year for that.
TammyOh, that'll be great.
TammyAnd we'll make sure.
TammyJust make sure you email me and I'll change the links in there so they can get a link to that book.
TammyBut she is being very modest, guys.
TammyIf you're out there listening, she has been a wealth of information for me for absolutely years.
TammyIf I have any question about anything, I literally just go to Pinterest and Google it in or go to Pinterest and just type in the search like huh, codependency, Bam.
TammyAnd who comes up?
TammyJody Lamb.
TammyAnd I read the article and I'm like, okay, that makes sense.
TammyCool, thanks.
TammyYou know, it's like literally I can get my daily dose just from you on social media, but you have a lot of good information.
TammySo definitely thank you very much.
TammyYes, you're welcome.
TammyDefinitely check out her website for sure.
TammyNow, if you had to leave the listeners and I know you've given a lot of golden nuggets and tips, but if you had to leave them with one, something tangible or some words of wisdom or just something to take with them today, what would it be?
JodyWhen I find myself faced with a decision every day, whether it's with a boundary, with my mother, with work, with people in my life, I ask myself a simple question and that is, is this good for you?
JodyAnd at first it felt very selfish to think like this because you know, my whole life I never put myself first.
JodyBut it is so helpful in making decisions because most often it's not good for me.
JodyAnd it really helps guide in making the right decision in setting firm boundaries.
JodyAnd I've often found that what feels wrong in the moment is generally absolutely the right thing to do.
JodyAnd it's uncomfortable.
JodyBut it's worth following your intuition and making that decision because it can be what makes or breaks your life and your life depends on it.
JodySo asking yourself that question can really be a guide.
TammyWow, that's a good one.
TammyI haven't gotten that one.
Tammy107 episodes.
TammyI haven't gotten that one.
TammyBut that is a perfect test is just ask yourself.
TammyIt's very simple.
TammyIt's cut and dry.
TammyIs this good for you?
TammyIf it's not, don't do it.
TammyDon't entertain it.
TammyDon't let it in.
TammySave your energy around your space like you deserve 100% of that energy that is yours that you you love.
TammyYeah, I love that.
TammyWell, thank you so much for coming on, Jodi.
JodyOh, thank you, Tammy.
JodyI really enjoyed our conversation.
TammyOh, yeah, absolutely.
TammyAnd maybe we'll have you back when your book launches, when your memoir launches.
TammyThat would be fun.
JodyThat'd be great.
TammyThat would be super fun.
TammyAnd for everybody out there listening, you heard it.
TammyIt doesn't matter, guys.
TammyWhat you went through.
TammyThere is hope.
TammyThere is healing.
TammyThere is a happier you at the other side.
TammyYou just got to learn where to look for it.
TammyHave a blessed day.
TammyBye, guys.