Lisa Marie Rankin:

Hey, Andrea. How are you doing today?

Andrea Tessier:

So good. Really excited for this conversation, Lisa.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Fantastic. So I am so excited to introduce you to my community. So Andrea Tessier is a master coach, and she really specializes in internal family systems, which don't worry if you don't even know what that means because we are going to dive into that today. What I really love about this subject, so many from my community, we do a lot of work based on Carl Jung and we work with archetypes, particularly divine feminine archetypes, shadow work, ritual, really western mysticism, and how how we can connect to self, or as I like to say, the inner goddess. I really think that IFS, Internal Family Systems, is so in line with what we're doing, and sometimes it's a little bit different terminology, but sometimes not. And I think it's just a great a great way to look at both personal development and spiritual work. Now to me, personal development and spiritual work are 1 and work are 1 and the same. I know some people might think that they're a little bit different, but they're all about how do we wanna show up in this world? How do we wanna become our best selves? I guess, spiritual is how do we connect with a force that's greater than us? But it's really to me and to my community, it's the same thing.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

So really looking forward to to diving in with you today, Andrea. So, I mean, I guess we can get started. Like, what is internal family systems?

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. Amazing. And so so internal family systems, and I see it a lot like how, you work with your clients and groups in terms of shadow work. And it's another way of really, understanding and exploring the parts of us that we might not like very much that can and there are so many parallels. It's just a different model. It's a different way of talking about ourselves and understanding ourselves. So internal family systems, or IFS, which is usually what I will call it just in the short form. We sometimes call it parts work as well.

Andrea Tessier:

It's based on the work by doctor Richard Schwartz, which he started in the eighties. He is the founder of it. And the idea is that we all have this really intricate network of parts or subpersonalities or aspects of ourselves. And I love to explain it like, you know, if you you think about the last time you were invited to a party, part of you wanted to go, guarantee part of you wanted to stay home. And underneath those two parts, you probably even had a part that had FOMO, that felt guilty, a part that was like managing your schedule or what you bring for the host. And all of those take up a lot of energetic real estate. Typically, we think about that as a matter of, like, having conflicted thoughts or just overthinking. But from an internal family systems lens, we believe that all of those thoughts are parts of us with different thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and emotions that actually make a lot of sense.

Andrea Tessier:

So there are all these essences within us with their own desires and needs and wants that actually need our attention and more, you know, not so regular day to day stuff. Parts are like parts of us that have perfectionism. Parts of us like the inner critic. Parts of us that have people pleasing tendencies. Parts of us that overthink. Parts of us that are hyper managers. And so the idea is that we can get to know and understand this whole network, the system. It kind of works like a family.

Andrea Tessier:

And in doing so, we begin to soothe these aspects of ourselves because they start to get their needs met. And in doing so, our whole system becomes more harmonious. Our whole system comes into more and more equilibrium, and we can start to move through life as this very empowered self led person rather than being overrun by these protective, more juvenile aspects of ourselves.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah. Thank you. I love that example about going to the party just because that sounds like me every time I'm trying to leave the house. Do we really wanna do it? Yes. We should leave the house. So it's such a it's such a great example. Now you said they're more juvenile parts. Would you say that these parts are like younger parts, or what do you mean by juvenile?

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. So a lot of our parts are developed while we're growing up. And so the idea is that they come online to help us either survive or cope with trauma, whether that's a big t trauma or a small t trauma. They come online to help protect us from harm or discomfort. They sometimes come online to help us get shit done or feel motivated. These parts often bring us pleasure or relief. Sometimes that's through, like, healthy outlets. Other times, it's through something like addiction.

Andrea Tessier:

They also come online to help distract us from painful feelings or memories. And so most of that's happening when we don't have people around us, caregivers around us to support our needs. And so our system, which is brilliant, was like, well, I can help with this. And so we develop these patterns or these parts to come online to support us when we don't have the support around us that can do it. And so, yeah, that generally happens. Most parts are young. 25 and younger, for sure. Most parts, even when you get to the root of them, are younger than 8 years old.

Andrea Tessier:

Right? Some manager type parts. Managers are the parts of us that like to get things done in the right order. So, you know, nothing falls apart. There are scheduling parts. There are the parts that are, you know, thinking 3 or 4 steps ahead. It's a part that, like, loves the to do list. Manager parts might come online, like, more like adolescence, teenagehood because they they've got shit figured out by now.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Oh, yeah. My teenager should know everything.

Andrea Tessier:

Yes. Yes. And it's all to say that most of these protector parts come online to really support the more exiled parts, really tender, sweet. I I like to call it the exiled inner child, like parts of us that have been feared and shamed and pushed into submission into the shadows. So we develop this whole network of parts to protect them to make sure that they are okay. Usually, those exiled inner children are very, very young and sweet and tender. Yeah.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Oh, I love and I love thinking of them as younger because it's a reminder to have compassion for them. Now I remember a while back when I first started dating my partner, and I very anxious attachment. I was very, you know, constantly looking at my phone. If, you know, I didn't hear from him immediately thought that it was over. And luckily, I was working with a therapist at this time and, you know, she started to explain this concept to me of an inner child. And I remember saying, but she's ruining my life. Like, I shouldn't be this anxious. Like, I am a competent, successful woman.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Like, she's really she's going to ruin my relationship. And she was like, you need to stop yelling at her. That's just going to make it worse. So I think really thinking of these parts as, you know, not out to sabotage us or ruin our lives, but parts of us that we need to care for. Could you talk a little bit, like, what what do these parts want from us?

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. And I love that you brought that up because we have learned whether it's explicitly or implicitly to shame and vilify anything about ourselves that doesn't align with, like, who we think we could or should be. Right? And so we have, like, really shamed parts of us that are more anxious, parts of us that we judge as more needy, parts of us that we're like, well, this one's gonna ruin my relationship. Like, I don't like this. Get it out of here.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

That was very much me. Yes.

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. And we we really do shame and judge anything that makes us not seem like a a good person. And and that's that's all around us from society. Right? And so to actually allow ourselves to be more compassionate with parts of us that we deem unworthy or that we don't like is incredibly healing because, you know, we all have heard the term, like, time heals all the wounds. No. It doesn't. No. It doesn't.

Andrea Tessier:

That usually just means we have pushed it under the rug or shoved it into a closet and hope that it just stays there. But the truth is is it takes up a shit ton of energetic real estate to keep something suppressed for so long Yeah. Whether we realize we're doing it or not. And what I love about internal family systems is that it's inherently compassionate. I mean, the model really sort of asserts that the the bigger those behaviors, the bigger the pain underneath. And so when we can start to relate to these aspects of ourselves as needing something from us, as trying to get their needs met, we can start to relate to them with more compassion and with more calm and curiosity rather than like, hey, babe. Get the hell out of here. You're ruining my life.

Andrea Tessier:

And and when we can think of them as younger, it almost allows us to soften into, well, like, oh, well, of course, that makes sense.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah.

Andrea Tessier:

Of course, that makes sense that you're hurting. And when we can relate to those aspects of ourselves in that way, these parts have really a lot of wisdom to share. Right? Because in in your example, it was kind of showing up in your relationship, but I guarantee it wasn't even about your relationship. It was the the inner child that was triggered from something that happened when you were a little girl. And I know that because that's that's also true for me. Right? It's also true for for every single client that's ever come to me. It's like, okay. It's showing up now, but it's actually not about now.

Andrea Tessier:

It's about whatever that hurt was when you were little. And when we can go there, it just, like, makes so much more sense. And when we can witness and then integrate that inner child, not shove them into the shadows and get rid of them, but when we can really integrate them, that's where we get to, like, really honestly move forward from a place of empowerment and start really cultivating and creating the lives that we want from this grown up version of ourselves.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah. Oh, I love that. I think that's so important. There are a few things that I kind of want to, connect. 1, you know, this is shadow work. I want people to understand because these parts, they're they're in our subconscious, and that's really what shadow work is. What are the parts of ourselves that are really directing a good portion of our lives? Isn't it 90 to 90 5% of our behaviors and actions are based on shadow parts? So when we can start to recognize that we have these parts, this is shadow work, and it's a lot more than just journaling. I think journaling is great, but we can feel them in our body.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

And if we look at, like, Jung's map of the psyche, the ego, so who I think I am, like, who I try to present myself to be, is often at odds with the shadow. That's why it is the shadow because there's parts that we've you've they're repressed or suppressed. But, of course, they always come out. And, you know, or suppressed. But, of course, they always come out. And, you know, they often come out in romantic relationships, but they can come out with money and health and a bunch of other things as well too. So I just kind of wanted to draw that parallel that, like, what we're doing in IFS is shadow work. But would you agree with that?

Andrea Tessier:

Completely. I think there are 2 totally different schools of thought, and that's why we wouldn't they don't in internal family systems, we wouldn't use that terminology. But that's certainly way the way that I see it and understand it and use it with my clients. As a coach, people come to us because they wanna make changes in their lives, because they wanna shift a pattern. They wanna shift a habit. They wanna call something in that they've never had before. And, yes, it's a lot about accountability and action and and creating a plan and and a mindset. And if we aren't doing the active work with what's getting in the way of that, it makes all of that forward thinking stuff a 100 times more difficult.

Andrea Tessier:

Yes. Right? So, yes, I absolutely see it like shadow work, and I see it as really, you know, the missing piece of a lot of people's manifestations. Right? We're trying to call in the next partnership. We're trying to call in the career change. We're trying to call in the next level of wealth, and people get very frustrated because they're doing all the right things. Right? I have the vision board boards. I'm doing the law of attraction there, you know, tapping into, like, Abraham Hicks and doing all the things. And, like, why isn't is why isn't it working? That's why.

Andrea Tessier:

Because it's true that we get what we desire. It is true. And oftentimes, it's really unconscious parts of us that are doing the desiring.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yes. I love that. I actually think we've talked about this before maybe on Instagram about, car Carolyn Elliott's book, Ex Essential Kink, which I love. I think that's, like, a fantastic shadow book. And one of the premises there is that having is evidence of wanting, meaning, you know, even if you think that you don't want this, like, terrible relationship, you keep dating or attracting the same type of, you know, men into your lives, there's a part of you, she would say, that actually does want that, that actually feels comfortable for that. And that part of our work is to, well, 1, like, oh, celebrate, like, great part. You got what you want, but really start to integrate it more so we can consciously choose what partners we want instead of really shadow manifesting, I guess, you you could call it. Is that is that sort of what you're talking about when you're talking about people try to manifest, but it's not working and it's because, yeah, you haven't dealt with these parts that actually like the way things are right now?

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. Like the way things are or the inner child who asks, like, will this leap lead to pain? Right? Will I be hurt and humiliated in the process? And you said this already, but it's like oftentimes in these moments of our life where we're stretching ourselves or we're stretching ourselves into a different relationship or we're stretching ourselves into a different career path or we're stretching ourselves into wanting something different. And what happens inside is parts of us are like, that's not safe. Right? Am I gonna be hurt humiliated, shamed in the process? And so it gets to be both. Right? We get to make these leaps in our lives. Like, we get to claim our biggest desires. I am a such a fan of that for anybody and everybody to have and be and do whatever it is they want. I actually believe that that's what's going to create the shift on the planet that we need.

Andrea Tessier:

And we only get to do that if we're also doing the the parts work, if we're doing the work with our exiled inner child, if we're doing the work with the patterns and the parts that are have served us for a time. Right? And now maybe they're not anymore to take us into our next stage of evolution. And so I think that's really important to understand is, like, these patterns and these parts worked. That's why they're here. Right? They really did for a really long time. And, you know, and I had a similar experience as what you mentioned with your partner. I'm stretching myself into a conscious partnership at the moment, and I know all of the right things I should be doing. Like, I got it.

Andrea Tessier:

I've been in this work long enough to know what I, quote, unquote, should be doing. And my inner child is, like, terrified. Yeah. Terrified. So just as much as I wanna show up for him and for the relationship, I get to show up for my little one, little Andy. Because when I was a little girl, my family my friends called me Andy. So when I connect with my little inner child, it's not Andrea. She's Andy, and that's she wants to be called.

Andrea Tessier:

And what I noticed is that and I noticed this with my clients too is, like, when we start to connect with these younger versions of us and ask them what they need, some people can be very afraid of asking what they need because they are concerned that they're gonna ask for too much, but that they won't be able to deliver on whatever this aspect of them is asking for. But the truth is is they almost never ask for a trip to Disney World that you can't afford. They almost never ask for you to, like, take the week off work and go play at the park. Often, they wanna, like, listen to a song and dance or, like, watch an old show. Mine sometimes wants to watch, like, old episodes of Full House because that's what we did growing up. Or they just want your attention. They want to know that their feelings are valid and they want to be witnessed and they want to be affirmed and they want attention just like your own kids. And when we can give them that, they are very ready to suit themselves or to be soothed.

Andrea Tessier:

They're very ready to relinquish some of their extreme thoughts and roles because they feel taken care of by you. Yeah. Mhmm.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah. That's beautiful. You mentioned them a little white way back. Like, the work is to integrate these parts so then we can make conscious decisions as as our adult self. So how do we integrate these parts? Like, you just gave a few examples, like, maybe listening to music or watching a show. Is that integration, or is that giving them what they need? But can you just explain what you meant by we need to integrate the parts?

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. And by integrate, it's, like, really bring them into present day. So, I mean, the first first and foremost part of it is acknowledging that these parts exist and not trying to get rid of them. So the first part is just going like, okay. You're allowed to be here. I see you. I feel you. I see that you're here.

Andrea Tessier:

And I think what a really helpful technique or tool for that is just a simple languaging shift to a part of me. A part of me feels anxious in my partnership. Guaranteed, it's not all of me, but, like, I have other parts that are, like, having a grand old time that are loving this, but a part of me feels anxious. And I think that that subtle language shift is very empowering because that externalizes that that part from, like, it being me. I am anxious all of the time, and that's a part of my identity. No. It's not.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Oh, I love that.

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. 1st and foremost, part of me. And then second part of that is bringing as much compassion as possible. When we can connect with our parts and meet their needs with love and compassion from that's to say from the energy of our highest self, they can release these extreme roles and beliefs because we're starting to trust ourselves. Right? How many people come to you? People come to me all of the time because they don't trust themselves. Mhmm. And what I hear in that is they don't they don't trust their parts and their parts don't trust them. They're not showing up for themselves.

Andrea Tessier:

And so when we can start to build relationships of trust, meaning showing up for all of these parts, that's the second step. So first, externalizing them as a part of me feels this. 2nd step, bringing compassion and trust. And then 3rd step is, like, finding a way to meet their needs. Right? And allowing that to be as really as simple as possible. And it's not as hard as you think. It could just be understanding, compassion, witnessing, but it also might be really something silly. And then the 4th stop, which is continuing to make decisions in your life with this, like, attitude of discernment.

Andrea Tessier:

And I think this is where, like, it gets really, really magical because I can say, yeah, a part of me feels really anxious right now, and I love that part of me. And it has every right to be here, but it doesn't get to, like, drive the bus. It doesn't get to touch the radio. It can sit over here. And I, as the grown woman who's actually in the relationship, not the 7 year old over here, I get to choose. And so being able to discern, like, what is you, your highest self versus what is a part and then being able to choose from that way. And so that's about saying to the part, like, we really understand that you're scared right now, and that makes so much sense to me. Right? This is really scary, and I'm here for you.

Andrea Tessier:

And we're gonna try this out with this person, and you can let me know if there's something that you need. And being able to talk to our parts, like like the internal leader, the internal parent that we always need it. Yeah. And I think that's where the integration happens. It's like, parts get to be there. They get to be validated. They get to be seen, and they don't get to choose. They get to be there while you choose from your higher self.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Oh, that's great. I love the, language distinction. Like, a part of me feels anxious because I feel like a big challenge with many people. And especially if you're not even familiar with any of this work, you just fuse with your parts. You actually think that is it. Like, oh, I am anxious or I am not ready to do this, you know, if we have this inner critic. Like, I don't have enough, you know, certificates or whatever it is, and we fuse with it. We actually think it could even confuse it as our inner wisdom.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

And that actually even happened to me at the beginning of my relationship. I'm like, maybe this anxiety is my intuition, which, of course, you know, I can now differentiate between anxiety and intuition. But if you haven't done the work and you haven't really investigated, you might not be able to. So parts work helps us create a little bit of detachment when we're there for our parts, but we are not our parts. We realize that we are much more expansive and much more whole than that.

Andrea Tessier:

So great. The word that we would use in IFS is blended. Right? When it just feels like that's who we are, when we feel so consumed by the part. And and it's when you're working with an IFS practitioner or a coach, a coach can actually help you unblend from those parts, so it doesn't feel like it's consuming you. But a really simple way to do that is to see if you can really visualize the part. And I what I love to do, and you mentioned this today too, is, like, see feel where it is in the body, and you will you'll get, like, an an energy or a sense of, like, where it is, and it might be showing up as stuckness or heaviness or a construction somewhere. And then what you can do is just ask that part to come sit in front of you. See if it will be willing to come and, like, look into your eyes and sit in front of you and have a conversation.

Andrea Tessier:

And you might have to ask a few times, and it might only be willing to, like, come sit, like, directly in front of you, and that's that's okay if it prefers to stay really, really close. But just being able to do that gives you a little bit of room.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Mhmm.

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. And with that little bit of room, you can start to feel more relief, so it doesn't feel quite so blended and fused. And then you can start to see it for what it really is, not you.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah. It's interesting. One of the things that we do in my community a lot is we read women who run with the wolves by doctor Clarissa Pinkola Estes. And, really, right at the beginning of the book, she says our work as women is to call back these dead and dismembered aspects of ourselves. And to me, that really is parts work as well too. It's like we're getting all of these fragmented parts and we're saying, like, come back. I can take care of you. You're part of me.

Andrea Tessier:

Yes. Oh my god.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Not are not me, but you are part of me.

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. I just had goosebumps. It's exactly that. It's exactly that. It's call calling back all of those fragments of ourselves that society told us that we need to shame and suppress and hide away because they're not enough. And one thing that I've been doing over the last couple months is actually getting people together in small coaching pods. So 3 or 4 people come together, and we do internal family systems, IFS parts work altogether. And what makes it so magical is people start to see like, oh, I have that part too.

Andrea Tessier:

Oh, okay. You have that part? I have that part. And we start to see that, actually, everybody has the same damn parts. They might show up in different ways because of the context of our lives, but it's so beautifully healing to realize that you're not alone in some of these things that you thought were kind of crazy. Yeah. And in that way, even in your parts get to witness and start to see that, like, oh, you have this part and your parts get to feel seen. And in that way, it just gets to be deeply healing on all levels for everybody to be to be witnessed in that way. And it ends up, like, really catalyzing the transformation just to be witnessing the ahas of everybody else.

Andrea Tessier:

Because you're not alone in the part of you that feels like it's, you know, a perfectionist. You're not alone in the part that holds anger or, you know, almost everybody has a part that has an addiction or is a pleasure seeking part or an overwhelmed part. Like, these are common parts just like archetypes.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yes.

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. Yes.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

And that's why if it's so similar and it's just so, like, appropriate to a lot of the work that we do in my community, that sounds like a beautiful container too. And I just love what you said about, like, so many people we have the same parts. These aren't unique to you. And I think once we recognize that, it takes a lot of the shame and a lot of the angst over it that you are not broken. You know? This is this is our design as humans on this earthly realm. And I know when I've done inner critic workshops with women in the past and it's like, okay. Type what your inner critic says. They say the same things for the most part.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Right? They are very similar. Like you said, they might manifest a little bit differently, but but we pretty much have similar parts.

Andrea Tessier:

Yes. And if there's anybody listening that has an inner critic part, it's really hard to love those parts that are mean. Right? That you might be sitting there going, great, Andrea. But, like, what if my inner critic is a dick? I'm like, they all are. They're very mean. They're vicious. And, you know, the bigger the behavior, the bigger the pain. And it can be sometimes hard to connect with these inner critic parts of us, but to know that they too are trying to serve and support and have a highest intention that's actually trying to help us.

Andrea Tessier:

They actually are. We don't love how they do it. Guaranteed. Nobody wants to be bullied and change the way an inner critic does it. And when we get to it, the inner critic is there as a as this firefighter part who is coming online to really help you in some way. Usually, viciously trying to keep you small so that you don't get shamed or humiliated somewhere else, oftentimes. And I think of these inner critic parts again, little, like, little bullies on the playground. You know? And when I was a teacher, it's something that I noticed was, like, those bullies on the playground, like, are the hardest times after school.

Andrea Tessier:

Like, they were the ones whose parents didn't come to parent conferences. Or if they did, they sat there on their phones. You know? They were the kids that went home after school and nobody was there, and they had to play video games for 3 hours till somebody came home. You know? And so the bullying showed up as a way to, you know, be noticed to get their needs met in in their own way. And I had so much compassion for those little ones because I knew what was really going on, and they needed the love and attention the most. Right? And so if you can start to think of even the most vicious parts of you like that and bring even the slightest amount of compassion to it, imagining it like a little a little child on a playground and allowing that to elicit this love and compassion, and to say to it, like, I I really hear you're scared. I really hear that you need some attention right now. I'm here.

Andrea Tessier:

Yep. I hear that you're saying those nasty things. Got it. And I'm here for you. And the more that we can, like, relate to it in that way, it softens. And it's willing to relinquish those extreme roles underneath. And compassion is this, like, underrated, undervalued source of healing. Like, nothing heals in the energy of judgment or you know? But but compassion is this essence that is just deeply healing.

Andrea Tessier:

And when we can bring that even to the most difficult parts of us to love, we see magic happen.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah. That's such a great reminder. Thank you. Because it's hard. It's hard to be compassionate to those parts of ourselves When we think they're sabotaging us or we think they're bullying us, it's challenging. Yeah.

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. Exactly.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Can you tell me a little bit about what is self in Yeah. IFS world?

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. I've used the term, like, higher self a few times. So self is really our natural essence. It's, you know, when these parts of us aren't trying to run the show, it's the part of us that is naturally compassionate and curious and calm and courageous. You know, it's this part of us that is naturally confident and has clarity, and it's naturally intuitive. Self energy doesn't need to be developed. We just all have it. Everybody I've ever met has self energy.

Andrea Tessier:

Guaranteed, you've had glimmers in your life of experience self energy when you're in nature or when you're in flow or when you're in meditation. And most people when they tap into this essence, they're like, oh, that's who I really am. That's me. That's me. And so self energy is this ever present energy that is like the spiritual aspect of this work that just doesn't really make a heck whole lot of sense. But it is this essence of who we are and connects us to everyone around us. And it's a naturally healing force. If we can bring that level of self energy to our parts, we can start to heal them.

Andrea Tessier:

And so the idea and and what I believe personally is, like, when clients come to me saying, I wanna feel more confident, or I I wanna feel more clear on the next step. Well, you actually already are. We don't need to do a whole ton of, like, practices to get you to feel more confident. Right? There isn't a a 3 step plan to confidence. That's actually let's remove or, you know, work with the products that are in the way blocking your natural essence of confidence because it's already there. And and that's self energy, and you already

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah. That's good to know that it's not something else that somebody you need to get. You need to order online or anything. You actually already have it. So this is kind of maybe a 2 part question is, are we trying to then when we're making, let's say, challenging decisions or going about our lives, we're trying to center in self. Is that correct?

Andrea Tessier:

Mhmm. I think so. I mean, we've all made decisions in our life that came from, like, push parts or parts where we felt like we should be doing it this way or things that, you know, maybe we made decisions based on what we thought we were supposed to do or what our parents wanted for us. Like, parts have done the choosing for us. We have been trained into that growing up in this society as, like, doing the shoulds. Right? Those are all parts of us that have been, you know, indoctrinated because of society. That when we're self led rather than the protective parts of us and inner child running the show, then we actually get to choose from this very aligned and authentic place that often does make a lot of sense. Right.

Andrea Tessier:

And becoming a self led human begins with coming home to your inner child, leading your parts with acceptance, care, and compassion, turning towards the parts that you've exiled and reparenting them so that you have this new template and way of being. And it's through it's actually through these parts that we can begin to grow and become who we always needed to be. And and, really, this is this is the reclamation. This is the reclamation of our power and of our innate worth. And that's really exciting because that's when you get to claim your true desires, the ones that are actually yours, the ones that were placed on your soul in this lifetime, the mission on your heart, and you could start to take those bold steps towards it. Right? And it communicates to all of the parts of you, past and present, that you matter. And that's so exciting. And so we get to choose from that place.

Andrea Tessier:

And so, you know, a lot of people come to coaching because they want something different. They might be in a transition. They know that, like, what got them here is not what it's going to get them there. And that's really about being more tapped in with self, with their self energy, with their truest highest self, even if some of the answers that we get don't make a lot of sense. Mhmm.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah. How what would you advise someone if to identify, like, when do I know whether part is showing up? Like, when I'm connected in self or part? It sounds like it might be obvious, but it's actually not all

Andrea Tessier:

the time. Yeah. It's not all the time. Yeah.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Right? Like, so is there any key indicators when I'm when I'm being led by a part versus being led by self?

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. So there's any anxiety that you're in a part. If there there's a big feeling in any way, whether it's anger, whether it's, like, over the top enthusiasm, you're in a part. Like, you just are.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

I have to send this text right now is a part. Yes.

Andrea Tessier:

Any sense of urgency, apart. Yeah. This is the grand rule is self has no agenda but to heal. No agenda. So you can also know, like, if you're feeling neutral about something or, like, let's see what happens. Good chance you might be closer to self energy. If you're really tapped into curiosity. Right? If you're like, oh, let's try this out.

Andrea Tessier:

Let's explore this. Good chance you're tap there's a there's a higher, I don't know, percentage of self energy there. If it feels really clear, like, maybe not the entire map or plan is clear, but if, you know, the next step or 2 feels, like, really clear, good chance you're in self energy. If you feel really confident or courageous about it, and, you know, maybe not the whole thing, but at least the next step, good chance that you're in self energy. If you're feeling any, amount of playfulness with it, good chance it's coming from self energy. And, you know, just to note, it's not that you're you have to 100% be in your self energy all of the time. I think that's an unreasonable request. I've been doing this work for years years years now and still get confronted by parts.

Andrea Tessier:

But what's what's what we want is to have, like, a critical mass of self energy present when we're making important decisions of our lives. We might be able to see the part and see the doubt there and go, okay. That's here. And I actually still feel really curious about this decision, so I'm gonna go this way.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah.

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. And so I think those are the biggest things to think about when you're when you're deciding is, like, any amount of anxiety, fear, trepidation, that's not it. Any amount of urgency, No. That's not it. Of course, those are there. But if you can do do a little bit of work to allow it to unblend from you and see if you can tap into that essence of calm, curiosity, and presence and playfulness, then you're there. And all you need is, like, you know, a little bit of that self energy to choose from that place. Yeah.

Andrea Tessier:

Mhmm. Yeah.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

I love that. It makes me think too, you know, when I was working with some women on intuition, and you can let me know if this resonates. I think sometimes we think if I was just tapped into my intuition or if I was just tapped into self, then life would flow with ease and everything would be perfect. But that's not necessarily the case because when we're tapped into our self or intuition, we might be asked to make more challenging decisions than if we weren't. So it's not that it's rainbows and unicorns after, but you're more aligned, you're more authentic. So you're more rooted in your own power. 100%, 100%.

Andrea Tessier:

Like, life still keeps lifing. Yes. Right? Bills don't have to be paid. Taxes still happen. You know? Like, you know, we need to take care of our pets, and we have kids that drive us up the wall, and we get stuck in traffic too, like, still happens. And what I've noticed in my clients is, like, what they will say 100% of the time. I can say that fairly confidently. After the work, it's like, you know, shit's still happening, but I can handle it.

Andrea Tessier:

It's not it's not bothering me the way that it used to. It's not derailing me the way that it used to. It's like, I can get the nasty email from a parent. I can get cut off in traffic. I can get the extra bill in the mail, and it doesn't throw me off. I know I can handle it. And that's the biggest difference. It's, like, life keeps lifing, and it's well within what we feel like we can solve for because we're so much more creative and we're so much more empowered because we're like, okay.

Andrea Tessier:

Whatever's happening, I've got this.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah.

Andrea Tessier:

And that's that's what I want for people is, like, not for, like, everything to be rainbows and unicorns and no problems ever to come your way because there's no growth in that. What I want for people to feel is whatever comes their way, they've got it. To to have that sense of empowerment and knowing that whatever gets thrown their way, they can face it. And that I think is such a beautiful gift when we can become the solution of our own lives.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so well said. I just and I think that's so important because that's what we're trying to do here is cultivate that sense of strength and resiliency that I am going to be okay no matter what comes my way, the inevitable ups and downs of life. I I will have the skills and discernment to to weather it and to thrive in it.

Andrea Tessier:

Exactly. Exactly. Mhmm.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Another question I wanted to ask you, you know, we've talked about kind of, like, anxiety and urgency in the sense when we recognize that parts are up. And we can think of kind of part of our nervous system too. So how do the parts in the nervous system relate?

Andrea Tessier:

I love this question because I do a lot of nervous system work with my clients too. When I started working as a coach because I was a former teacher, I worked with a lot of educators. And if you know any teachers, they are very stressed, very over warm overwhelmed, very anxious. A lot of people are. And so I've done a lot of nervous nervous system work with myself and with my clients. And so the way that I think about it is that, you know, we all have this window of tolerance of, like, you know, what we feel like we can handle on a day to day basis. And we can think of this as, like, capacity. Right? And that window of tolerance or this capacity is informed by many things, many factors, what you wait for breakfast, you know, if you had sex last night, whether you had, you know, a hug, whether you had a nourishing meal, whether you've had enough water and enough sleep, your your trauma history, all of this informs our window of tolerance.

Andrea Tessier:

And, you know, we can be outside of our window of tolerance, meaning something's happened that is just too much, too fast, too soon that we can't hold and feel like we have the capacity for. And we've had days where, you know, the the trigger happens. We get activated, and we can handle it. And we're like, okay. I've got this. And we've also had days where same thing happens, and it just feels like, oh my god. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And so the the way that I think about it is is that anytime we're out of our window of tolerance or our capacity is when there's a greater chance for parts to come up.

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. Right? Whether we're above it, our window of tolerance, and we're more anxious and hypervigilant, or whether we're, like, kind of below our window of tolerance. We're feeling more depressed or lethargic or pulling away or our walls are up, our defenses are up, we're more sleepy. Again, parts are there. And so what we can do is, like, really intentional work. And what we do with through parts work, through shadow work, through nervous system work is we're increasing our capacity to hold whatever life throws at us.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Yeah. Yeah. That makes so much sense. And I think it just also helps people recognize to be aware of, yeah, where are you? How are you feeling regulated? Did you get a good night sleep last night? You know? Are you taking care of your body? Are you doing the things that bring you ease that help you feel grounded? Because when we're not I mean, I know for me, if I don't get a good night's sleep, there's a lot of parts that are activated throughout the day.

Andrea Tessier:

Yeah. Exactly that. And, like, when we're in times of transition, if you're changing careers or whether that was your own choice or not, whether you're moving into a relationship or out of a relationship, whether you're moving the houses or countries or you're in a stage of transition in your family, you know, you're having babies or babies are leaving the nest. We're constantly in transition as humans, and that means that our parts are kind of, like, bubbling up below the surface because we're being stretched. Yeah. And it's exactly those times when we get to be more self aware and expect that, yeah, parts are gonna come up during these moments of transition because we're being stretched, and our capacity is being asked to increase. And

Lisa Marie Rankin:

that's not

Andrea Tessier:

a bad thing. You know? I've had clients say to me like, oh, I feel like I've regressed. Oh, I feel like I've gone backwards. And it's not about that. It's just like you're coming to your next level of growth, of transformation, and you're being stretched. And, yeah, it means parts are gonna come up. My parts are up now stepping into new conscious partnership, and and that's okay. I expect that.

Andrea Tessier:

That that's my next level of growth that's happening at the moment. And so and that's okay. And we just get to work with them while they're there. Yeah.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

I love, one thing that you just said. And I think you said it earlier, but I actually just wanted to reiterate it because I think it's really going to be helpful for women is that as we're growing and evolving, the parts are always gonna come up. So it's not that we get to a plateau and it's like, okay, I've integrated them all. It's done. Nothing's gonna happen anymore. But it's yeah. And it's not necessarily a bad thing. It could be a sign of growth.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

It could be a sign that, yeah, you're stretching, that you're getting out of your comfort zone. So it's more of recognizing that and, again, kind of connecting with self and ending to our parts.

Andrea Tessier:

Exactly. And even like, I've heard Dick Schwartz, the founder of IFS. You know, he still works with his parts. Like and he made this shit up. So, like, I just got in case he didn't make it up. Right? I've been doing this work for years years years, and I feel like I'm almost just getting to, like, some of the most core wounding because it's taken time to get past this, like, beautiful network of protectors, you know, and there's no race, right? As soon as there's an urgency to like be done already, we know that we are in a part, we're not in our self energy. And it, it certainly does not mean that you failed personal development. You failed personal growth.

Andrea Tessier:

It's just another level of expansion and growth. And I think that's what what what we're here for. I think that's why everybody has incarnated on the planet at this time is for this. We're healing for ourselves. We're healing for one another, and we're healing for generations to come so that we're creating this ripple effect of consciousness on the planet. And because nobody's coming to save us. It's pretty obvious, you know, with what's happening in the world right now. If there's going to be a shift on the planet and there needs to be, it's us.

Andrea Tessier:

Right? We are the answer. It is this grassroots uprising, and it's about each and every one of us doing the lifting to heal ourselves and coming together in community, finding guides and leaders that are willing to show us a portion of the path and doing the work together. And that's that's my why I'm doing this work. I will continue to do it because that is my part, and I will continue to show people the way because I am here in service of consciousness.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

So beautiful. Well, I feel like that's, like, a really beautiful note to start to wrap up on too. So I just wanna say thank you so much for your time and your wisdom. And, also, can you just, let folks know if they want to connect with you, if they wanna learn more about you, how they can do that?

Andrea Tessier:

Come join me on Instagram. I post regularly tips and strategies and ways to understand IFS and parts work. So come join me there. It's just tessier.andrea. And I would love to share with your listeners. I have a free comprehensive email series that I've designed to unlock the power of inner child and parts work to help people manifest what they truly desire. So over the course of 5 days, you're getting short tutorials, journal prompts, and meditation, some of my favorite practices, really, so you can break free from self sabotage and really manifest whatever it is you're creating, whether it's relationship, abundance, a shift. Yeah.

Andrea Tessier:

So you can sign up for that. I'm sure Lisa will put the link in the bio. I would love for you to check it out. And, yeah, come find me on Instagram and send me a message and send say, let me know that you heard this podcast, and we'd love to connect.

Lisa Marie Rankin:

Great. Thank you so much. And, yes, I'll have all of Andrea's information in the show notes with the link to her email series, so definitely check it out. And until next time, beautiful ones, I will see you soon.