Today's episode is about going beyond the honeymoon phase, how we can sustain

deep love and deep intimacy relationship.

We all know the exciting, almost ecstatic feeling, and we first fall in love.

Everything feels new.

There is this sense of deep novelty.

We are fully present.

We listen deeply to our partner.

We naturally show our best side.

But then something changes.

Suddenly our shadow comes back.

That seems to have evaporated for a certain amount of time.

All our wounding and conditioning comes back to the surface and suddenly

creates dynamics that create suffering.

As quickly as it all went away, it comes back with full force.

We notice patterns playing out within us that lead us to shut down, to

cause disconnect, to cause a lack of trust and safety for our partner.

And we notice that our partner is human, is not perhaps the spotless, flawless

being that we thought they were.

At a soul level, we are all perfect, but at a human level, we are all imperfect.

Suddenly the sex life dries out.

You no longer feel as connected.

Where there was once presence and deep listening, there is deep

reactivity and internal triggers playing out again and again.

And we also feel entitled.

We feel that we know our partner.

We feel that we have seen everything, and we no longer look for the

beauty and depth in each moment.

This is where it goes south for most couples, but it doesn't have to.

We need to go beyond the honeymoon phase and ensure we

sustain deep intimacy and love.

Let me show you how in today's episode.

Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics podcast.

My name is Lorin Krenn and I am a relationship coach.

I help you to embody your awakened masculine and awakened feminine

in relationships and life.

Let's dive in.

Before I get into the practicality and the step-by-step approach, I invite you

to write down and really start to practice in your relationship actively to not only

sustain the deep intimacy and love, but to actively deepen it day by day by day.

I want to, before I share with you this step by step approach,

which gets really practical.

I wanna say a few important things.

The honeymoon phase is a phase in our relationship where we get a taste

of how it feels when we are fully present, when we are truly listening

to our partner, when every touch of our partner feels like divine ecstasy.

We get a taste of what is possible if our heart is open, if we are

really, really showing up at our fullest in a relationship.

What we don't realize is that how we show up energetically creates our reality.

And then when our wounds come back to the surface, which is inevitable

- misunderstanding, extension, friction, certain patterns, childhood dynamics,

playing out Now in your adult life - when these things come back after a few weeks,

after a few months - always depends, is different for each individual, some have

it quicker, some have it, uh, much later on, but it comes eventually, inevitably

- then how we show up starts to change.

And because how we show up starts to change, our reality starts to change.

But we often are not aware of this.

We think love and passion and intimacy is something that comes and

goes, oh, and the honeymoon phase, it was there and now it's gone.

But nothing could be further away from the truth.

Because love is always here.

Deep passionate intimacy is always here.

And it is our ability to open ourselves to it, to receive it

that allows us to experience it.

Love does not go anywhere, but our heart closes, our heart contracts.

We no longer let it in, and then of course we show up from

that place and what happens?

We create a different reality that is nothing like what we've

experienced in the honeymoon phase.

But of course the honeymoon phase is also unsustainable.

While it gives us a taste of something, it's just a taste.

It doesn't mean that this is the deepest depth and sacredness

that you are going to experience.

It's just a taste.

Why?

Because it's unsustainable.

The honeymoon phase is built on novelty.

It's that experience of total newness.

And then when everything doesn't feel new anymore, some routines start to settle.

Routines are a part of life.

Yes, we want to break the routine, but routines are part of life.

They're beautiful.

Let's talk more about it in a second.

That is then when we suddenly are no longer present and are no longer doing

these things, and then at worst we seek out that novelty somewhere else,

this is where people start to cheat.

This is where people are no longer fully committed to relationship, they

leak sexual energy or energetically and um, look forward validation, male

or female validation somewhere else.

So while the honeymoon phase is a taste, it is not the highest experience

that is possible for you because of course, what is lacking is that deep

sense of trust and safety that can only be experienced when you have built

a deep union through effort, through showing up again and again and again,

working through moments of tension, working through moments of friction.

That is where the deepest depth awaits you.

And when we acknowledge that the honeymoon phase is something that will go, but

then it is supposed to mature into something even deeper, vast and more

sacred, that's where the shift happens.

We seek the novelty of the honeymoon face, but we are not aware of what

deeper depths are actually awaiting us.

Now let's talk about what you can do step by step in order to deepen the

intimacy, polarity, trust and safety in a relationship to not only, not only

keep and sustain that love and passion that is in the honeymoon phase, but to go

even beyond that, to experience something even more powerful, even more mature

even, and infinitely times more sacred.

I'm gonna do this in step by step approach with very practical examples.

Step number one, that is creating strong containers and structures

for quality time with your partner.

And when I say quality time, it the important virtue or the important, um,

principle that, a rule that we need here is that we are ensuring we are not

being distracted by everyday things.

Work, emails, phone.

The phone is one of the biggest ones.

So we want quality time where we're not both people are on their phone

or something like that, or both people are watching Netflix together.

There is not quality time.

There is nothing wrong with watching a movie together, but watching a movie

together, unless afterwards you're going into deep reflection, have a deep

conversation about it, that's something else; it's not really something where

you are deeply present with each other.

So while there's nothing wrong watching movies together, it shouldn't be the

only thing that you're doing, because if that's the only thing you're doing, your

relationship is not gonna get deeper.

And interestingly, a lot of what couples do is watch movies together.

That's kind of their activity and bonding together and well,

no wonder it's not working out.

The importance here is having quality time.

Now, of course, I understand in today's world there are a lot of distractions

and there is work, and you have got responsibilities, and perhaps you

have kids and all these things, right?

So it's easier said than done.

The important thing is that you want to have quality time together

while doing everyday things, so it's not just a date night.

Even though I recommend a date night and I have it with my wife every

week, if you just have it there, it's still too little from my perspective.

So what you wanna do is have these little everyday rituals if possible, together,

or several times per week at least.

If you, if every day is not possible because of your work or whatever your

situation is, where you are deeply present with each other, where you are

truly engaging in something together that is bringing you closer together.

What do I do?

My wife and I love to create new recipes.

We then cook together.

We create the recipe together.

We put on some tango music or some, um, romantic Spanish guitar.

We dance, we goof around, we have belly laughters.

We hold each other, we hug each other.

We are making that food, um, and then we're enjoying it together.

We're putting on some candles.

With simple things we're, we're adding so much beauty to it.

And it's bringing us close together.

We're connecting so deeply.

Then what else do my wife and I do?

We do yoga, spiritual practice together.

Every single day we go into deep practice.

We set the intention for the day.

What do we want from this day?

This is deeply bonding, deeply connecting us.

Going to the gym together, doing spiritual practice together.

These things are so vital and they bring us so close together.

And we walk every morning and every evening with our dog together.

Whether it's raining or it's storming, it doesn't fucking matter.

We're walking with our dog and these things bring us closer together.

We have deep conversations, but we don't always have to have deep conversations.

Sometimes we also just goof around or we talk about everyday things.

That's the beauty, you don't have to have always a deep conversation.

Sometimes we just want to be tranquilo, you know?

So very important that we have these rituals together, where

you have quality time together.

And that doesn't mean you're just staring in each other's eyes

and are present with each other.

That means you are engaging in activity that involves you both as a

team, as something you do together, something where you are communicating

with each other, where you're talking to each other, something as

the things I just mentioned before.

And again, nothing wrong with watching a movie, but watching a movie.

Both of your awareness is in the movie and you are not deeply

bonding and getting closer together.

In that time you aren't.

But when you are cooking together, when you are hiking together, that's

also something my wi my, my wife and I love to do, or traveling together,

that's totally, totally different.

So that's really step number one.

Today's world there's so many distractions.

You wanna make sure you have this almost ritualistic type, these

rituals where you are ensuring that the two of you are connecting deeper.

You have belly laughters, you have passionate moments, all of that.

Now this leads us to step number two.

And step number two is not leaking in sexual energy or energetically

leaking with other people who could be potential lovers.

Your partner needs to feel and you need to feel from your partner, their full

commitment that you are both protecting the sacredness of the container.

This is where trust gets broken the easiest.

Nothing leads as quickly to the erosion of trust and intimacy as

seeing our partner leaking in energy.

Floating around or having a deeper relationship with someone else who could

be a lover, texting with ex-partners or anything along those lines.

Unless, unless you text with your ex-partner because you have a child

together, but you express that clearly to your now partner or wife or husband.

That's a total different story.

That's creating safety, that's honoring the other person, cherishing

and protecting the container.

So it's really important that you are not just committing yourself once,

but you are recommitting yourself every day to the relationship, and

you are showing your partner you are protecting this commitment at all costs.

Step number three.

Is embracing your partner as much as possible with openness,

curiosity, and presence.

This means when they come home, you ask them, how was your day, for instance,

or they start explaining about the day and you listen deeply to them.

You are present with them.

They feel deeply seen.

They feel deeply heard.

You make them feel that they are your highest priority and the

most special person in your life.

We all want to feel special.

We all want to feel deeply seen by our beloved.

This is so simple, and it is something that doesn't require you to do anything

except put in a little bit of effort.

It's these simple things.

When they come in, you hug them, you embrace them, you kiss them,

you tell them how much you love them, what you appreciate about

them, totally spontaneous.

But these things often get lost when the honeymoon phase gets lost or disappears.

These things get lost that we have once done before, we no longer do them.

And this is what really eats away the intimacy, the polarity, the passion.

It becomes then living like brother and sister.

It becomes, there is no longer any sexual chemistry and polarity

because we are not putting in that effort of really connecting.

The word is connecting with our partner.

When we are one to connect with them.

We are curious about what's going on in their internal world.

We are open towards receiving everything from them, whether they have got a

complaint or their love, whatever it is.

Make them feel special.

Make them feel prioritized, important as you want the same for yourself.

Cherish each other because your partner is the most, should be

the most important person in your life, and they should feel that.

And protect that sacred bond at all costs and cherish it

every day as much as you can.

This doesn't take a lot of work.

It can involve giving a little gift, a man, giving a woman

flower, a woman, whatever gift she wants to give her man, right?

But most important here is being present, being open, making your partner feel seen.

And if you are telling me that you don't have time to connect, you don't

have time for these things, then I'm going to challenge you because I

say that is total absolute garbage.

If you don't have time to connect, then you don't have time for

relationship and then you shouldn't be.

In a relationship because if you are in a relationship, you need

to make it your highest priority.

We, it's not that we don't have time, it is that we don't have

our priorities set properly.

Once I heard a couple in my couples coaching tell me, Well, we didn't have

time to do the practices and assignments.

We didn't have time to connect.

Life is crazy.

Now if that's one day, and it's really crazy, I understand, but if that's

for weeks or if that is for in two weeks, we didn't have time to connect?

Garbage.

And of course I called them out on it and they start to realize that

it's all about their priorities.

If you have no time to connect, you don't have time for a relationship.

it's just the truth.

So remember, there is always time to connect, and if there isn't, you

have to actively make time for that.

Because otherwise your relationship is going to fall apart.

That is simply inevitable.

Which leads us to step number four, and that is becoming aware of your

patterns of how you are co-creating and your part in the dynamics with your

partner that are creating suffering.

Every dynamic, every pattern is co-created, which means no matter what's

happening, when you're both engaged in this argument, that's happening

in the same way again and again, and again, and again, and again and

again, you are playing a part in that.

It might be initiated through your partner, but you are definitely

playing a part in that if that leads to days of disconnect, hours of

back and forth, shouting, yelling, and being deeply shut down, then

you are definitely a part of it.

And it's important.

Instead of blaming your partner, they should be doing this only

if they would change, because if both of you are blaming the other.

Then nothing is going to change, and both of you are going to remain stuck.

So both of you need to take full responsibility for your unique part

of how you are feeding a specific dynamic that is causing disconnect,

a lack of intimacy, a lack of safety and trust between the two of you.

Often this has to do with conflict resolution, conflict challenges.

Tension is part of any relationship because our souls are perfect, but

our humanness is imperfect and you are two humans in a relationship.

The human aspect is always there, so there will be friction, but it's

how you work through these things.

And it's so important that you are, instead of always blaming your partner

and always looking for something external, you look within and you look at what

is my unique part in this dynamic?

And then you take full responsibility for that.

And you give your best to work on this every single day, every single hour,

every single second, every single fucking nanosecond, because this is the continuous

spiritual work and shadow work that we do in a conscious relationship, in conscious

relating, which is what you're doing and which is why you're listening to this.

And when you do that, when you heal your part, when you shift your part,

you will notice that a dynamic can no longer play out in the same way.

It just can't because it's always co-created.

Now, this is the highest chance of igniting change and inspiring your

partner to work on their impact on their things, because your state of

embodiment has the deepest impact.

Your energy, not what you say, think, or whatever.

But at some times this does, this might not change anything in your.

Partner then you don't need to break up immediately, but you need to

have a tough conversation with them.

Come from your deepest heart.

Don't shout it out in an argument.

But use a moment where both of your nervous systems are somewhat regulated

and they can hopefully receive it without becoming highly reactive.

And if you are really working on your part, if you are giving your best and

they are not doing anything and remain stuck for moms, moms and moms, it

continues, continues, continues, well, then you have your answer whether that

relationship is going to work out or not.

But before you just assume it's not gonna work out, have the conversation with them

because they might not be aware of it.

Remember, you can only do your best.

If giving your best and sharing your heart is not enough over a long

period of time, months or many weeks, well then you have your answer here

clearly about the future of that relationship and what you can expect.

Step number five, understanding masculine and feminine polarity and

applying it in your everyday life.

Now this is of course a huge topic, a really big topic, but

just a few things I will go into.

This is not gender specific, but I will use a kind of man,

masculine, woman feminine language.

But again, it's not gender specific.

You can replace it with anything.

Um, a woman can have a masculine core, a man can have a feminine core.

But let's say a man has a masculine or a woman as a feminine corridor in

a relationship, heterosexual dynamic.

And for instance, if the, if the woman with the feminine core is constantly

questioning a man's decision, how he does things, constantly criticizing

him, then the man will feel deeply disrespected, and that will create

resentment, and that will lead to a lack of polarity, which translates

into a lack of intimacy, because it won't inspire him to show up fully.

Um, it will create a sense of distrust and he will feel deeply disrespected.

And for a man, for the masculine respect is the most important thing.

Of course, it's important for a woman as well, but respect is like love, like

being seen for a woman, but for a man.

Other example, a woman with a feminine core, man with a masculine core, and even

though he has a masculine core, he's being passive, he's not taking any leadership,

he's, he doesn't, doesn't take any charge or any in a conscious way, he doesn't

make any decisions and he's always kind of pushing you into your masculine, even

though you want to rest predominantly more in your feminine as your core is feminine.

So, for instance, he asks you where do you want to go?

What do you want to do?

Um, and then you ask him, I don't know, can you decide?

Yeah.

Whatever you want to do.

And it's always this kind of putting the ball on you, putting, placing the ball in

your hands and your hands and your hands, he's not taking any responsibility, right?

Responsibility, here is the word.

Um, there is no decisive energy.

This will leak to a lack of polarity, will make the feminine feel unsafe,

push you as a woman listening into your, into, into your masculine

related to a lack of polarity.

Now, just a quick kind of summary of the things and a few action

steps for you to take with you.

Step number one: creating strong containers, ritual in your relationship

where you have quality time together, where whatever you are doing is

bringing you closer together.

what kind of things, where do you share your interests?

What things do you love doing together?

And then bring it up for your partner.

Start, start pulling it into your schedule.

Start doing these things as much as possible as humanly possible.

Step number two, not leaking in sexual energy or leaking in with

your energy with other potential lovers or anything like that.

Ensure you are in highest integrity.

Ensure you protect the sacred sacredness of the container.

Just ensure your commitment is unwavering and you recommit every single day.

Step number three.

Make the time to always prioritize to connect with your partner.

Make them feel like the most special person in their life because they

are, and be what you want to receive.

Step number four: become aware of your part in certain dynamics

that create suffering, take full responsibility, heal them.

That's the highest chance of impacting, inspiring your partner to work on theirs

if they don't have the tough conversation.

But speak from your deepest heart and choose a good moment where your nervous

systems are both somewhat regulated and they can hopefully receive it.

Step number five: applying masculine, feminine polarity actively in your

life, becoming aware of your energetic responsibilities if you have a

masculine core and of your energetic responsibilities if you have a feminine

core, to ensure the polarity continues to deepen, deepen between the passion and

love and connection continues to deepen.

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