1 00:00:08,031 --> 00:00:09,081 Well, hello there. 2 00:00:09,081 --> 00:00:10,851 My friends, my name is Jonathan Doyle. 3 00:00:10,851 --> 00:00:11,721 I am so pleased. 4 00:00:11,751 --> 00:00:12,171 You are here. 5 00:00:12,201 --> 00:00:15,321 Thank you for making your way in an orderly fashion to my podcast. 6 00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:19,791 So good that no children or small animals got hurt in the crush. 7 00:00:20,211 --> 00:00:20,991 Welcome a board. 8 00:00:20,991 --> 00:00:21,441 How are you doing? 9 00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:23,421 I'm so glad that you are here specifically. 10 00:00:23,421 --> 00:00:24,021 You, yes. 11 00:00:24,021 --> 00:00:25,821 You listening to my voice right now. 12 00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:26,991 It is good that you are here. 13 00:00:27,501 --> 00:00:30,801 You've been created for a purpose you've been created for magnificence you've been 14 00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:34,941 created to do really, really important, beautiful, powerful things on this planet. 15 00:00:35,841 --> 00:00:36,591 I believe that. 16 00:00:37,191 --> 00:00:38,841 And the first beautiful important thing you can do is 17 00:00:38,841 --> 00:00:40,431 hit subscribe to this podcast. 18 00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:41,571 Make sure you're subscribed. 19 00:00:41,901 --> 00:00:43,221 Go and check out all the links under here. 20 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,771 You know, I do a YouTube video every single day, at least. 21 00:00:46,071 --> 00:00:48,261 And I'm just also reopened my Instagram. 22 00:00:48,351 --> 00:00:49,011 Uh, channel. 23 00:00:49,011 --> 00:00:52,041 So if you're on Instagram, go across to, I think you just got 24 00:00:52,041 --> 00:00:53,691 to search for J Doyle speaks. 25 00:00:54,891 --> 00:00:56,091 Jay Doyle speaks. 26 00:00:56,151 --> 00:00:59,571 If you look at, if you put J Doyle speaks into Instagram, you're going to find me. 27 00:00:59,871 --> 00:01:02,931 I wasn't on Instagram for many years and got off it and just decided 28 00:01:02,931 --> 00:01:05,571 that, um, I could really do, you know, hopefully something good there. 29 00:01:05,571 --> 00:01:07,671 So go and check that out and go check the links. 30 00:01:07,671 --> 00:01:10,311 You can book me to speak at conferences, events for training your 31 00:01:10,311 --> 00:01:11,781 staff, whatever it is that you need. 32 00:01:12,111 --> 00:01:13,041 Go and check that out today. 33 00:01:13,071 --> 00:01:15,321 My friends are going to talk about something I'm so big on. 34 00:01:15,321 --> 00:01:16,671 I'm so passionate about this. 35 00:01:17,091 --> 00:01:18,861 We're going to talk about the power of a peer group. 36 00:01:19,491 --> 00:01:23,001 We're going to talk about the fact that, you know, the group of people that are 37 00:01:23,061 --> 00:01:27,441 significantly in your life are going to have such an outsize impact on you. 38 00:01:27,441 --> 00:01:28,791 It is so crucial. 39 00:01:29,361 --> 00:01:32,721 You know, the old sort of data, the first data that really came out of 40 00:01:32,721 --> 00:01:38,181 the 1970s and 1980s was kind of around this idea of you become the five 41 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,621 people you spend the most time with. 42 00:01:39,651 --> 00:01:42,561 They sort of began to look at people's outcomes in life, their 43 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:45,501 health, not just financial, but their health, their spirituality. 44 00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:48,411 Uh, how long they lived all sorts of different things. 45 00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:51,321 And they kind of figured out that you'd ended up being almost 46 00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:53,871 identical to the five people that you spend the most time with. 47 00:01:54,591 --> 00:01:59,181 So another speaker sort of said recently that, uh, that basically your life 48 00:01:59,211 --> 00:02:02,511 becomes a reflection of that, that the standards of your peer group will be 49 00:02:02,511 --> 00:02:07,341 your standards here, that the standard of your peer group will be your standards. 50 00:02:08,121 --> 00:02:09,201 And you can prove it, right? 51 00:02:09,201 --> 00:02:10,011 Because I say to people. 52 00:02:10,371 --> 00:02:11,331 I'll give you the two extremes. 53 00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:12,321 Go into a prison. 54 00:02:13,011 --> 00:02:15,501 And find somebody that's been involved in the criminal justice 55 00:02:15,501 --> 00:02:16,581 system, most of their life. 56 00:02:16,581 --> 00:02:16,821 Right. 57 00:02:17,301 --> 00:02:19,341 Who from a pretty young age, and I'm not talking about whether it's 58 00:02:19,341 --> 00:02:20,991 fair or just, or all sorts of AI. 59 00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:25,071 You know, equity issues and how unfair different structures in society are, 60 00:02:25,551 --> 00:02:27,021 but let's just look at that person. 61 00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:30,111 And what you're going to find is that their five closest friends 62 00:02:30,531 --> 00:02:33,681 are pretty much all going to be in a relatively similar situation. 63 00:02:34,251 --> 00:02:36,981 They're all going to either have had some contact with the criminal justice system 64 00:02:37,431 --> 00:02:41,241 or their standards for life, how they go through life are going to be the same 65 00:02:41,241 --> 00:02:42,711 standards of the person in the prison. 66 00:02:42,711 --> 00:02:42,891 Right. 67 00:02:43,161 --> 00:02:46,371 It just becomes, I mean, it's not likely if you go meet this prisoner and say, 68 00:02:46,371 --> 00:02:49,191 who are your five closest friends and they go, well, we'll get the Dalai Lama. 69 00:02:49,551 --> 00:02:50,631 I've got the, yeah. 70 00:02:51,141 --> 00:02:52,641 The president of the United nations. 71 00:02:53,031 --> 00:02:55,191 Uh, you know, you're not going to hear that right. 72 00:02:55,851 --> 00:02:57,921 Now you run to the other end of the spectrum and you find your 73 00:02:57,921 --> 00:02:59,181 average kind of billionaire. 74 00:02:59,481 --> 00:03:00,021 And what do you find? 75 00:03:00,051 --> 00:03:02,901 And I'm not, I'm not using that example to say that that's the most important 76 00:03:02,901 --> 00:03:06,111 thing in life, or that's the peak of life I'm using it for illustrative purposes. 77 00:03:06,441 --> 00:03:07,641 You find your average billionaire. 78 00:03:07,641 --> 00:03:08,601 And of course, what do you find? 79 00:03:08,601 --> 00:03:08,841 Right. 80 00:03:09,471 --> 00:03:12,321 He funded their five closest friends are probably not in prison. 81 00:03:12,351 --> 00:03:14,901 I mean, It depends if they're financial traders who knows. 82 00:03:15,381 --> 00:03:16,881 Uh, but you get my point right there. 83 00:03:16,881 --> 00:03:19,191 Five closest friends are going to be probably billionaires. 84 00:03:19,611 --> 00:03:22,641 So we need to start to think very much about the five people we 85 00:03:22,641 --> 00:03:24,861 are surrounding ourselves with. 86 00:03:24,921 --> 00:03:27,231 And so I want to give you two quick strategies. 87 00:03:27,351 --> 00:03:28,041 What have you do? 88 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,931 What do you do if you go, Jonathan, this is awkward. 89 00:03:29,931 --> 00:03:30,021 You. 90 00:03:30,291 --> 00:03:30,441 Aye. 91 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:30,651 Aye. 92 00:03:30,651 --> 00:03:30,921 Aye. 93 00:03:31,581 --> 00:03:34,131 You know, you telling me that I have to just abandon my friends. 94 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:38,391 Know I'm not all I'm saying is I like to talk about time allocation, which means. 95 00:03:38,841 --> 00:03:41,691 If you notice that your friendship groups are not serving you, if 96 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,971 you notice that your peers are not helping you to here's the filter. 97 00:03:44,211 --> 00:03:47,331 If you are not growing, changing, developing, doing more. 98 00:03:47,691 --> 00:03:50,391 Uh, experiencing more contributing more to the world if they 99 00:03:50,421 --> 00:03:51,861 are not helping you to grow. 100 00:03:52,281 --> 00:03:56,121 And become a more passionate, alive, you know, really living 101 00:03:56,121 --> 00:03:59,091 out the destiny that's within you, then you just allocate less time. 102 00:03:59,181 --> 00:04:01,731 You just begin to allocate less time, you know, catch up as often. 103 00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:03,771 You just slowly disengage. 104 00:04:03,771 --> 00:04:03,831 It. 105 00:04:03,831 --> 00:04:04,881 Doesn't have to be dramatic. 106 00:04:04,881 --> 00:04:06,591 You do not need to ring anybody and say, Hey. 107 00:04:06,891 --> 00:04:08,811 I was listening to Jonathan during the daily podcast. 108 00:04:08,811 --> 00:04:10,791 And he said, we can't talk again ever, ever. 109 00:04:11,211 --> 00:04:11,781 Don't do that. 110 00:04:11,781 --> 00:04:11,901 Right. 111 00:04:11,901 --> 00:04:12,441 It's awkward. 112 00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:13,611 And people get upset with me. 113 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:17,901 So that's the first strategy, time allocation, just allocate a bit less time. 114 00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:19,821 And then you usually, at some point, you'll get this thing going. 115 00:04:20,271 --> 00:04:20,841 You've changed. 116 00:04:21,171 --> 00:04:22,431 You know, You don't meet. 117 00:04:22,521 --> 00:04:23,751 You know, you're not hanging out with us anymore. 118 00:04:23,781 --> 00:04:24,471 And I like to say. 119 00:04:25,161 --> 00:04:27,081 You don't own people and excuse you. 120 00:04:27,081 --> 00:04:28,161 Don't no one owns you. 121 00:04:28,581 --> 00:04:30,741 Like you don't have to go well, yeah, you're right. 122 00:04:30,741 --> 00:04:31,371 I'm really sorry. 123 00:04:31,551 --> 00:04:32,571 I mean, I get that. 124 00:04:32,571 --> 00:04:35,181 You have to, maybe if it's a longterm friendship, you, you can 125 00:04:35,181 --> 00:04:36,591 communicate just say, Hey look. 126 00:04:37,761 --> 00:04:39,921 I'm really trying to make some changes in my life. 127 00:04:39,981 --> 00:04:41,391 Um, I I'll give you another example. 128 00:04:41,391 --> 00:04:42,261 Hopefully this is helpful. 129 00:04:42,321 --> 00:04:43,611 I quit drinking, right? 130 00:04:43,611 --> 00:04:45,081 I used to drink professionally. 131 00:04:45,801 --> 00:04:49,971 And when I quit completely and made this massive change. 132 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:54,141 I noticed that a lot of my peer connections were drinking pretty heavily. 133 00:04:54,201 --> 00:04:54,861 And it's standard. 134 00:04:54,891 --> 00:04:57,681 Like you talked to anybody, that's got that story. 135 00:04:58,191 --> 00:05:01,491 Then you're going to find that they suddenly went, ah, what do I do now? 136 00:05:01,521 --> 00:05:03,231 Like all the people I've been hanging with. 137 00:05:03,621 --> 00:05:07,011 So I've sort of navigated that, but you suddenly begin to notice that 138 00:05:07,011 --> 00:05:08,421 you just can't spend as much time. 139 00:05:08,451 --> 00:05:10,911 Like you can't do the things that you used to do. 140 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,751 And that's the price of admission to a life of significance and influence. 141 00:05:14,751 --> 00:05:16,911 Like, if you want a different life, you've got to do different things and 142 00:05:16,911 --> 00:05:20,181 there's going to be some trade-offs and some challenges and some pain in that. 143 00:05:20,511 --> 00:05:23,781 So listen to the second thing is a, is simply. 144 00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:28,251 Just to build a different peer group and there are two ways you can do that. 145 00:05:28,251 --> 00:05:30,741 And I've, uh, The one I've just the second one I want to talk to 146 00:05:30,741 --> 00:05:32,301 you about in a sec is really cool. 147 00:05:32,751 --> 00:05:36,591 Um, The first one is just to begin to ask yourself, you know, who do 148 00:05:36,591 --> 00:05:37,551 I want to spend more time with? 149 00:05:37,551 --> 00:05:38,481 Where are those people? 150 00:05:38,721 --> 00:05:40,101 And start spending more time with them. 151 00:05:40,101 --> 00:05:40,401 So, 152 00:05:41,421 --> 00:05:44,241 And I play a fair bit of golf and I play at a, at a very, uh, very 153 00:05:44,241 --> 00:05:46,191 fancy, exclusive golf course. 154 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:49,701 And, you know, just hanging out with a lot of the people there, you meet some 155 00:05:49,701 --> 00:05:54,471 really interesting people in, in, in finance, in business, in law, in politics. 156 00:05:54,951 --> 00:05:56,691 And just being around those people is really interesting. 157 00:05:56,691 --> 00:05:59,091 You just get, you know, you learn a lot, you hear a lot. 158 00:05:59,721 --> 00:06:00,861 you get a lot of connections. 159 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:04,851 So I just begin to spend more time with certain people now hear me, right? 160 00:06:04,851 --> 00:06:08,661 I'm not saying that I'm just, you know, buying a polo pony and, uh, you know, 161 00:06:08,661 --> 00:06:10,101 moving to Jupiter beach in Florida. 162 00:06:10,101 --> 00:06:10,761 That's not happening. 163 00:06:10,761 --> 00:06:11,181 Not yet. 164 00:06:11,661 --> 00:06:15,321 Um, I mean, I ride reasonably well, but ponies are expensive now. 165 00:06:15,681 --> 00:06:18,981 The next thing you can do is, you know, once you've begun to gravitate to. 166 00:06:19,551 --> 00:06:20,601 Some new people is. 167 00:06:21,231 --> 00:06:21,651 Build. 168 00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:24,801 If you're going to use social media, you can actually curate and build a 169 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,961 really good peer group in that context. 170 00:06:26,961 --> 00:06:30,741 So I just want to say to you, if you're on social media, Pay attention to who 171 00:06:30,741 --> 00:06:33,141 you're following, because I want to say to you that who you're following 172 00:06:33,141 --> 00:06:34,341 is very much like a peer group. 173 00:06:34,821 --> 00:06:39,201 And, you know, if you just find people that you really admire, find people 174 00:06:39,201 --> 00:06:42,381 that you want to be like, find people that really inspire you and draw you 175 00:06:42,381 --> 00:06:44,841 to a higher level, whether that's financially, spiritually, physically, 176 00:06:44,841 --> 00:06:46,101 relationally, whatever it is. 177 00:06:46,821 --> 00:06:50,631 You know, find people that draw you to a higher level and curate that peer group. 178 00:06:50,631 --> 00:06:52,161 So I've got a group of people on my Instagram. 179 00:06:52,551 --> 00:06:54,291 Who every morning, you know, it's part of my routine. 180 00:06:54,291 --> 00:06:56,361 I get up and it's not time wasting for me. 181 00:06:56,361 --> 00:06:57,561 It's like, what are these guys doing? 182 00:06:57,771 --> 00:06:58,611 What are they thinking? 183 00:06:58,641 --> 00:06:59,301 What are they saying? 184 00:06:59,301 --> 00:07:00,321 How are they doing life? 185 00:07:00,831 --> 00:07:05,601 This is, um, I really like the U S billionaire cosmetics lady, Jamie Kern, 186 00:07:05,601 --> 00:07:09,891 Lima, and she's very real and just amazing bootstrap the business to a 187 00:07:09,891 --> 00:07:11,691 billion dollars and sold it to L'Oreal. 188 00:07:11,751 --> 00:07:14,241 And today she's just doing a video about. 189 00:07:14,931 --> 00:07:17,181 Being up all night with, with a, with a child. 190 00:07:17,211 --> 00:07:19,041 And it's so real, no makeup. 191 00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:20,121 She's just there going, you know what? 192 00:07:20,121 --> 00:07:20,781 It's really. 193 00:07:21,321 --> 00:07:24,381 It's really difficult and it's really hard, but I get to 194 00:07:24,381 --> 00:07:26,901 choose my mindset and she's just talking about me and that's good. 195 00:07:26,931 --> 00:07:27,951 And that's what I'm trying to do here. 196 00:07:27,951 --> 00:07:28,161 Right? 197 00:07:28,161 --> 00:07:29,061 For different audiences. 198 00:07:29,061 --> 00:07:31,371 Like just, just tell the truth. 199 00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:33,861 Just say interesting, important things that help people grow. 200 00:07:34,131 --> 00:07:36,231 So curate your peer group on social media. 201 00:07:36,231 --> 00:07:36,471 All right. 202 00:07:36,501 --> 00:07:39,711 Summary, you're going to be the result of the, your life will be the result of the 203 00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:41,301 five people you spend the most time with. 204 00:07:41,571 --> 00:07:42,621 Please don't get upset, please. 205 00:07:42,621 --> 00:07:43,611 Don't message me going. 206 00:07:43,851 --> 00:07:45,861 You're saying that we think we're better than other people. 207 00:07:45,861 --> 00:07:47,901 I'm not saying that I'm slow, literally saying. 208 00:07:48,561 --> 00:07:50,601 You know, you get handed this one life. 209 00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:53,721 You're not handed someone else's life, you're handed your life and 210 00:07:53,721 --> 00:07:56,841 you have to be accountable for the results and the outcomes in your life. 211 00:07:56,841 --> 00:07:57,921 And you're allowed to have a vote. 212 00:07:58,221 --> 00:07:59,391 You're allowed to have an opinion. 213 00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:00,231 You're allowed to go, you know what? 214 00:08:00,231 --> 00:08:00,861 This is what I want. 215 00:08:00,861 --> 00:08:01,521 I want this. 216 00:08:01,851 --> 00:08:02,751 I want to contribute here. 217 00:08:02,751 --> 00:08:03,651 I want to grow here. 218 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,531 I want to be different here and the people in my life and not helping me. 219 00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:07,671 So. 220 00:08:08,691 --> 00:08:11,481 You get to choose now, you don't get to choose around family or 221 00:08:11,511 --> 00:08:12,321 marriage, that sort of stuff. 222 00:08:12,351 --> 00:08:13,191 You don't get that choice. 223 00:08:13,341 --> 00:08:15,531 Once that choice is made and family, wasn't a choice you 224 00:08:15,531 --> 00:08:16,671 even got to vote in either. 225 00:08:17,001 --> 00:08:18,171 So you love your family. 226 00:08:18,171 --> 00:08:19,521 You choose your friends one more time. 227 00:08:19,521 --> 00:08:20,541 You love your family. 228 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:21,801 You choose your friends. 229 00:08:22,191 --> 00:08:23,631 All right, go and check out the links. 230 00:08:23,631 --> 00:08:24,801 Please make sure you subscribe. 231 00:08:24,831 --> 00:08:27,141 Book me for coaching speaking, conference events and law. 232 00:08:27,201 --> 00:08:27,621 Be there. 233 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:31,941 God bless you everybody i'll see you on instagram at jd speaks and uh, have a 234 00:08:31,941 --> 00:08:35,631 fantastic day this is jonathan doyle you and i are going to talk again tomorrow