In today's episode, we wanted to talk about avoidance. Which is something that we touched on in a previous episode, when we were talking about a neighbor of ours who was finding that she was avoiding turning right while she was driving. And so we decided to separate out the topic of avoidance into an episode, all of its own. So what does avoidance mean? And according to the Oxford dictionary, check me out. Is the action of keeping away from, or not doing something. Yeah. And it's that? Isn't it. It's that not doing something? And that something could be anything. It could be absolutely anything. So avoiding things when driving does it matter? Well, I mean, obviously we need to avoid pedestrians or the cars, all of those sorts of things. So that's. That's good. That's a good avoidance. Um, but it might well be a certain junction. Might be on a hill. And it's hard to cross the traffic. It might be a busy roundabout. It might be something that is. Completely different to what you normally do. Yeah. I mean, it might be avoiding driving at certain times or in certain situations, certain weathers or you just don't like that road. Yeah. Do you know, you just there'd be certain roads where you live. That you say? Yeah. I don't drive that road. You know, for whatever reason it is, you're just say, yeah, no too difficult, too hard too. Uh, it's too much could happen. I'd rather just go down this way. Yeah. Now, there is a junction, which is a turning right junction. That's close to us, which actually never pops up on my radar because of where we leave is not a junction that I've ever had to. Tackle would be the word. Art Hughes. And my preference would be to not have to tackle that junction because it's. It's a turning right on the a five, which is a very busy road and it's on, uh, it's on the top of a hill. So it's a blind bend. With cars coming up fast so you can see one side, no problem. You can't see the other side. So, yes, I avoid that junction. I could do it if I had to do it. Like I say, it's not somewhere I would ever need to do it is not one that ever comes up. I, I use that junction a lot. Turning left. But that wouldn't be the natural way to go turn in. Right. So. Let's be clear about this. There are certain things that you can avoid in your driving, and if that doesn't have an impact on you, your journey. Then that can be a choice. Yeah. And choice here. And when we're talking of avoidance, Is, you got to look at the impact it's having on you. Haven't you. Yeah. You know, that choice too. That road is going to make me stressed. That road, this could happen. I don't want to get involved in that. So, what I'm going to do is to relieve my stress. I'm going to go this way. Yeah. Is there a better way or a safer way? Then that can be a choice and that's okay. Now, all the things that I was thinking that might be avoidance, and that might be a choice. Would be, for example, if we've just done an age in drivers course, haven't we. finding out a lot more about, mature drivers and your sort of plans for your driving as you get older. And one of the things that comes up there very often with drivers who are mature in age is that their eyesight it declines, and they may find it more difficult to drive at night. Yep. And this is a biological. Thing. That happens as your eyesight declines, then that glare from lights. It takes much longer for somebody to recover for somebody in their fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, to recover from that glare of other lies than it takes for somebody who's in their teens or twenties. So that avoiding driving at night as a mature driver. Could be a choice. And that could be a sensible choice, which actually is part of their plan to continue driving. For as long as they want to, to keep them independent. So they don't, that may well be a choice. I suppose the flip side of that. If you're thinking about eyesight here. Is that people would avoid going to the opticians. Because it brings in a, a fear. Uh, fear of, well, what if they say my eyesight's not good? And they recommend that I don't drive. So that avoidance to get something checked. Is probably not a good avoidance. Yeah, no, that's not a great judgment code. Stella choice still. Did a choice, but it's not a good choice. Yeah. So, yeah. So it really is about weighing this all up. Yeah. But there is another type of avoidance, which actually. Is less of a choice. And it's where somebody finds the beginning to avoid things. They don't really know why it's not been a conscious decision. It's not been a conscious choice. They've just noticed that they're starting to avoid certain things. They're not sure why, but it's beginning to have an impact is beginning to impact your life is beginning to stop you doing things that you want to do. So potentially. Coming back to our neighbor and not turning right. Would that mean that you wouldn't do certain journeys that you might want to do to go to places, to see people that you want to see to go to work somewhere new? You know, that could be the sorts of impact and the sorts of things that is stopping you from doing now. This isn't a good avoidance. This is a problem. Yeah, and that can be. It can be anything, almost car net where you. In may start off really small as well. You avoiding doing something of whatever. Whatever it is. And then what happens is you don't do it again because you were avoiding to do it and you don't do it again. And you. Do you know what. You don't do it again ever. Yeah. It can become like that. And this is one of those truths around avoidance. So if you avoid doing something, then you start to lose those skills. So if you make a conscious choice that actually my eyesight's. Deteriorate in a little bit, I'm finding it much harder to recover from the glare of headlights. So I'm no longer going to drive at night. That's absolutely fine, as long as you're acknowledging the fact that you are then. Most likely going to find it very difficult to ever go back. Because you're going to be losing those skills. It's a use it or lose it type situation. So if you're making choices to avoid. Then you're also potentially making the choice to let those skills go. So one of the other things is about avoiding and avoiding again and avoiding again and no longer going back to it is that sometimes this can become a bit of a sneaky spiral. So if you've got one junction that you avoid, because actually you found a better, safer route that stops you from feeling anxious. Great. If that one junction or that one roundabout or that one situation turns into adding another one on. And another one on and another one on, then you. Ending up in this sort of like, Slowly decreasing circle this spiraling situation where you keep adding on. Extra things that you're avoiding. Now, this is making your world smaller and smaller and smaller. And this is a type of agrophobia Yeah. And it's very similar to people. When you talk about Agra phobia. We normally think about people not going outside. You know, so they. Okay. Now, now we're going back in and all of a sudden they never go out. Yeah. Well, this can happen in driving. This can happen in driving. Yeah. Where you will only have your safe space. Is one particular route. And, and we've worked with people who have gone the other way and have gradually worked up from a couple of routes. To more roots and started to expand their repertoire of roots. Um, and so, yeah, it's that, if you're noticing that those choices. I've stopped becoming choices and other things have been added in and add it in and you're spiraling down. Then, you know, this, this is something that you might want a bits of help with a bit more professional help with. Because it's a type of acrophobia. And I suppose this also links to your being self aware aren't you. You know, when this happens, when you are avoiding things, notice you're avoiding them. Yeah, that'd be self-aware. Oh yeah. I'm avoiding that now. Most of the reason behind it. And then start thinking about, okay, so what can I do instead? Yeah, don't let it sneak up on you. And it's something that's just happened. So question yourself. Unlike, like you say. Be self-aware. So don't let yourself off the hook. Just make sure that you are aware of what's happening to you. Now the other things I mentioned about avoidance. Is that every time you avoid something. You reinforce the need to keep avoiding it. So every time it comes up as shall I do this and then you go, no, I'm not going to do it. Then that's a behavior that you're training your brain, that when that question comes up, you automatically go, no, I'm not going to do that. So it's reinforcing. So reinforcement, isn't just in doing things. It's also avoiding things. So it's been really conscious of that. And the more things that you avoid, the harder it is to get back on the horses, they say. I'll go for a ride or that bike and go for a ride. You know, it is very hard to get back on it, but. How do we get back on it? And then what do we do? Yeah. How do you make that change from that strengthened behavior that you've reinforced? That's just become automatic. So it's baby steps. Isn't it, it comes back down to something that we say again and again. Bite size, baby steps. Yeah. And it can be as simple as I'm going to give you a suggestion from other podcasts we've done recently, but if it is a junk, certain junction, Just go and have a look at it. Yeah, don't have a drive. Just go and have a look at it. Yeah. That might then build up to getting someone else to do it while you sit next to them. Yeah. You know, these are all those little tiny steps and they may seem very. Simple and a bit or okay. But it actually does help. Yeah. That observing that being an active passenger that, Having somebody guide you through it, all of these different baby steps that you could take. Yeah. And that is going to lead to. You potentially. Hopefully. Doing it. Yeah. And then when you do it, celebrate that you've done it. Tell yourself, well done, have that bar of chocolate or whatever you want. You know, really think about. I did it. Um, I'm not avoiding that anymore. Yeah. I'm really noticing that feeling. So bring in that self-awareness that you were talking about earlier. Bring in that. And again, to that feeling of. I've just done that. How does that make you feel and really noticing, and sort of taken a mental snapshot of that feeling almost so that you can. Bring it out and replay. So the thing about those tiny baby bite-size steps is choosing something that. Stretches you so he's not avoiding, but it doesn't stretch you to the point where you're going to panic. Yeah. So that's is finding that fine line is finding that. Okay. I don't want to avoid. How much can I challenge myself without tipping me over the edge? So it, what might be uncomfortable without making me panic? And it might well be that you can do it at different times of the day. Do it. A quieter time. Uh, Sunday morning at seven o'clock or something like that. You know, it could be a really good time. Just to go and practice that junction or that. Bay park in a certain car park. You know, it may be anything, but just think of think outside the box slightly. It doesn't have to be at those busy times. You can do it at other times, you have a choice to go and do it. Uh, a quieter time that is going to help you. Yeah. So we've said by its size, we've said, keep it baby steps. We've said make sure that it, it sort of, it isn't avoidance. But that it doesn't tip you into panic. You've talked about observations. We've talked about being an active passenger. We've talked about going at different times when it's quieter, we've talked about people guiding you through it. So there's lots of different ways to. Tackle this. But. It might feel uncomfortable and that's okay. As long as it doesn't tip you into panic. Yeah. It's not going to last. Yes, those feelings don't last. It goes back to what Josh wants in and our podcast. You know, those feelings you have. At that point on that junction or whatever it may be. I would only last for a certain amount of time. And then they will subside. Yeah. So there's a little quote that I found recently that, I found was quite useful and not just for what it was meant to, but I think we could use it here. And it said no one said it would be easy. But it will be worth it. And I think that's really good when you're talking about avoidance. It's not going to be easy. But when you've done it at the end. It will be so worth it. Yeah, it really well, and I I think that could be a new tagline for all of our episodes. I think we could bring that into every episode. I haven't finished this one with. I think we, well, I. I think that's a perfect point to finish it. So, Uh, contact details are in the show notes as always. So let us know how you get on with it. And just remember no one said it would be easy. But it will be worth it. So on that note, until next time, whatever you're doing, have a great day.