When you resent something, you don't have a fear of the death.

As you go through life, the older you get,

the higher the probability you're going to be dealing with somebody who's going

to die. They're going to get sick and die.

They're going to have over time probabilities of having some sort of a reason

for passing. If you're not prepared for that,

it can be distressing, you can become distraught,

you can have grief and many other states and have some of the side effects

physiologically of that prolonged grief syndrome.

How do you prepare for death? Well,

I have been dealing with grief process since 1976.

I was fascinated by it because I was in El Salvador surfing one year in the

summer, and I saw a group of people celebrating,

like a big parade down the street in El Salvador and

La Liebertad was the city, and there was about 2- 300 people,

something like that, 200 people walking down the street.

And I walked up to somebody and said, che pasa, what's happening here?

And it's Latin America so they spoke Spanish. Finally,

I found somebody that spoke some English and he said, he says,

we're celebrating the death of our mayor. And I went, what?

You're celebrating the death of the mayor.

How come you're celebrating the death? I was kind of in the,

I grew up with the idea if somebody died,

there was mourning and grief and you were black and it's kind of a dismal thing

and you're kind of sorrowful.

But they're celebrating and they're partying and everything else.

And then I thought, isn't that interesting?

They're celebrating having a party and imagining the freedom of the spirit,

and he's free and he's no longer constrained by the mortal body.

That perspective made them celebrate the death.

There was no mourning and glooming, gloom and doom.

And they didn't have this anxiety about it,

'cause they saw the advantages and they immediately saw, oh,

there's a freeing of the spirit in their minds, that belief system. Now,

whether that's true or not doesn't matter,

but their mindset made them less distrustful.

And they didn't have the fear of death of that because they thought, okay,

that's a freeing moment.

And in some cultures you have different belief systems about life and death,

and therefore they have different perspectives about death and there's less

anxiety about it. But I grew up in the idea that, oh my God,

death is a terrible thing. Life is good, if a baby's born, you go, oh my God,

congratulations. If somebody dies, oh, I'm sorry, I feel sorry for you.

That kind of thing. It's just automatically assumed.

Even though in the wild when an animal eats prey, right,

it gives life to its offspring,

but it brings death to that animal's offspring,

life and death are kind of inseparable in the food chain. And I thought,

why is it that we have such a reactions to death and the fear of death? Well,

I found out.

I've been exploring it since 1976 and developing a methodology which I teach in

the Breakthrough Experience Program.

And I show people how to dissolve grief and the anxiety about death or

loss. And I'm going to make a statement, so you may want to write this down.

Grief comes in only two forms.

Grief comes from the perception of loss of something you seek,

that you admire, that you look up to.

And grief comes from the perception of gain of something you look down on and

resent. So in other words,

if your ex-boyfriend that you absolutely don't want to ever see again comes and

bothers you again and starts harassing you again, that's grief.

If somebody you really infatuated with leaves you, that's grief.

But if somebody infatuated with you comes near you, that's relief.

And if somebody that you resent goes away from you, that's relief.

So your fear of loss of something, the fear of death, the fear of loss,

is because you're infatuated with parts of them or you while you're alive.

And what's interesting is, you know,

when Donald Trump in America was involved with some sort of

team that captured and killed the Iranian general there,

in America they celebrated as a celebration 'cause they killed one of the

leading terrorists. But in Iran,

5 million people came out to mourn his death.

They saw Soleimani as a hero,

a general hero to their country and 5 million people came out and had grief and

mourning. And the people in America who thought of him,

who even knew he was a terrorist in our minds was seeing that as a celebration,

we got rid of the terrorist. We were celebrating and didn't have any grief,

didn't have a fear of his death. When you resent something,

you don't have a fear of the death. When you admire something,

you have a fear of death. If you have some,

you've been so angry at somebody probably in your life, you go,

I like to kill them. I like to get rid of them. Right? 'cause you're so angry,

you don't really mean it, but you sort of mean it.

But what happens when you infatuate, you would protect them. You'd die for them.

But you wouldn't die for somebody you resented, you would make them die.

You'll sacrifice them for you if you resent them,

you'll sacrifice you for them if you infatuate with them.

So that means that the fear of death or the the grief of death is

a result of the loss in grief, the loss of the traits you admired.

And in the fear of death, it's the fear of losing the traits you admire.

So if you go and take the person you're fearing the death of,

either yourself or somebody else, and if yourself, that means you have pride,

you're infatuated with parts of yourself or infatuated with what you imagine is

going to happen in your life. As long as you do that, you have an infatuation,

you have an assumption that there's going to be more positives than negatives,

more advantages than disadvantage, more upsides than downsides,

to whatever that is that you imagine.

If you go in there and find out the downsides of those and calm down the

infatuation and calm down your pride and bring them into equilibrium,

the fear of death goes down.

I always say that the level of the essence of your real authentic self,

the soul as it was called, there's no fear of life or death.

You have the immortal soul. It doesn't have a fear of life and death.

Doesn't have an infatuation with Eros and doesn't have a resentment to Thanatos.

It just has an appreciation for what is.

But if you infatuate with pride of yourself,

you're going to fear your own death.

If you infatuate with the fantasies of what you want to accomplish,

you're going to have a fear of death 'cause it's not done.

If you are infatuated with another person and their behavior,

you're going to fear their loss. If you're highly infatuated,

you're going to be really anxious about their loss. But if you resent somebody,

you don't. If you're balanced and have a balanced view on somebody,

the fear of life and death go away.

And I've demonstrated this over and over again in the Breakthrough Experience

that I teach every week. In fact,

I have the grief process and the death process we do that on the afternoon,

on Sunday afternoon every weekend on the Breakthrough Experience.

And I've taken people, I just finished it this week,

I just took about a hundred people through the grief process.

I had them go through what is the biggest grief that they have and the biggest

anxiety about somebody dying and the fear of death.

And we just went and neutralized it right on the spot. It's a four step process.

It's about bringing our perceptions back into balance. See,

when you first meet somebody, you can be infatuated with them,

but then weeks or months later,

you find out there's downsides and they have both sides.

When you resent somebody at first you think, oh, I want to stay, avoid them.

But eventually you can find out, well,

they're actually not that bad a people after all, they've got some nice traits.

Eventually you discover that there's both sides to people.

Anytime you've been infatuated with somebody and you worked through that and

stayed with somebody for a long period of time,

you eventually see that they have both sides.

If you're fully aware of both sides of the individual,

the fear of loss or the fear of gain of that individual subsides.

But if you're highly infatuated with any part,

you're going to fear the loss of that.

You only fear the loss of those components that you perceive,

that stimulate oxytocin, vasopressin, serotonin, dopamine,

and enkephalins in the brain.

And the withdrawal of those compounds in the brain gives you the grief syndrome

and the anxiety and fear of loss.

So if you go and balance your perspective and love somebody,

when you see both sides simultaneously you really love them.

When you only see the things that you admire and like in them,

you're infatuated with them. When you see the things you resent with them,

you resent them, and if you infatuate with them, you fear their loss,

if you resent them, you fear their gain.

You don't fear the loss of somebody you resent <laugh>.

No one in America that thought that guy was a terrorist,

had any grief over the loss of that guy. Finally, he's out. Terrorist is gone.

So just know if you balance out your perspective, you dissolve your fears.

I've actually had the opportunity to work with people who are death and dying in

hospice care.

I've actually got to work with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross myself,

and she was the one that wrote On Death and Dying.

And I've actually assisted people in that transition for their anxiety of

departing and neutralize their perception of themselves and the fantasies that

they thought were needed,

and neutralize them out and allow them to transition with a state of grace.

So there's no reason we have to have those anxieties.

All we have to do is balance our mind.

The quality of our life's based on the quality of the questions we ask.

If we ask ones that bring us back into balance, we neutralize that perception.

So I just wanted to share that. If you want to learn more about that,

please come to the Breakthrough Experience.

The Breakthrough Experience is where I show you exactly how that occurs,

why that occurs. I give you a tool on how to dissolve it,

and I show you a process on dissolving grief and preventing yourself from having

the anxiety of the fear of loss.

And that can apply to the fear of loss of money, fear of loss of business,

fear of loss of loved ones, fear of loss of mind, memory, Alzheimer,

whatever it is, it'll apply to anything that you're fearing the loss of.

And I'm certain that it works because I've been doing it since 1976 on thousands

of people. So come and join me at the Breakthrough Experience.

If you have that type of thing and you have the fear of death or the fear of

loss of something, I assure you it's a simple tool. It's not that hard to learn,

and I can show it to you. And when you do, you'll have it for life. Okay,

until next time, thank you for joining me,

and I look forward to seeing you at The Breakthrough Experience.