1 00:00:00,467 --> 00:00:03,470 Hi. Welcome to Karate Chop Bullying. 2 00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:05,372 This is our first episode. 3 00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:07,374 As the name of the show implies. 4 00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:10,577 We're here to talk about a very serious problem with society 5 00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:14,948 that affects many people and is often not discussed enough. 6 00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:19,185 Whether you're a child in grammar school, an adult in the workforce, 7 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:24,391 or anyone just trying to live their life in peace, there are very few things 8 00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:29,262 that can impact somebody so deeply and darkly as bullying. 9 00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:33,566 Oftentimes, we don't feel that anybody is willing to listen 10 00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:38,171 or that they care, and we have no idea how we can get help. 11 00:00:38,671 --> 00:00:41,674 That is the reason for this podcast. 12 00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:46,613 We want to be the bridge to help you get help and understanding. 13 00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:52,886 Karate Chop Bullying is an outreach initiative of Tim Flynn's Kito karate program. 14 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,789 My name is Bruce Nachshon, 15 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,992 and I'm here because I too have been a victim of bullying. 16 00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:03,063 Joining me on his own show is my co-host, Tim Flynn. 17 00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:04,431 Thank you, Bruce. 18 00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:07,167 Thank you for having me at my own show. 19 00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:09,869 No problem. 20 00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:11,571 So, Tim, 21 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:15,642 what made you want to start your karate chop bowling initiative? 22 00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:20,647 Well, Bruce, when I was younger, I experienced bullying myself. 23 00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:23,583 And I remember seeing a crowd action movies 24 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:27,787 when I was growing up and seeing Daniel having the same issues that I'm having. 25 00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:32,792 Martial arts helped him overcome bullying, so I took lessons. 26 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,995 And then fast forward 27 00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:38,832 in 2016, I opened up Kato Karate. 28 00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:39,933 After a few years, 29 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,470 I started hearing stories from my students that they're being bullied. 30 00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,973 And I hear from the parents that my child's being bullied. 31 00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:48,374 What can we do? 32 00:01:48,374 --> 00:01:50,677 Teaching kicks and punches is great. 33 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:56,049 But I wanted to give my parents tools to help combat this problem. 34 00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:59,819 So I started doing my cri chop bullying anti-bullying 35 00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:02,989 seminars and I wanted to reach more people. 36 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,391 So this is why I started the podcast. 37 00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:09,829 Ultimately, both of us have been victims of bullying, and both of us 38 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:14,701 at the time really didn't have anywhere to turn or someone to talk to. 39 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:19,172 And we really want that not to be the case. 40 00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,842 So here we are with Karate Chop Bully. 41 00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:28,448 So today's episode, the focus is more on bullying in school. 42 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:33,153 And we're going to define bullying with our guest, who is Fiona Swanson, 43 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,156 who is a licensed social worker. 44 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,925 But first, 45 00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,561 we were discussing earlier 46 00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:45,064 a very tragic story that has recently been reported in the news. 47 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:49,402 The unfortunate suicide of Myles Fitzpatrick, 48 00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:52,572 who left us at the tender age of 17. 49 00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:55,008 In a nutshell, Myles. 50 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:59,712 Myles joined the Mandrill School district during the year of 2018. 51 00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:03,883 2019 came out as transgender in December of 2020, 52 00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:08,221 and then during that period of time, they were not going to school 53 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:11,191 because of the pandemic. It was remote. 54 00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:14,494 During the course of the school year of 2021 into 2022, 55 00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:17,497 it became a hybrid environment and the bullying began. 56 00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:19,499 Myles was 57 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:23,469 heavily bullied. 58 00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:25,905 Harassment about their gender identity. 59 00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:29,275 Being picked on, being called the F-word, 60 00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:32,278 which I'm not going to say here, but we all know what it is. 61 00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:35,648 Being told that they would never really be a man. 62 00:03:35,848 --> 00:03:37,050 This is just some of the stuff. 63 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:41,454 According to the article that I'm reading on The Daily Voice, the Somerset section. 64 00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:44,624 The bullying got physical. We're talking. 65 00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:47,493 He was pushed into lockers. Items were thrown at him. 66 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:48,828 Now we don't know what these items were. 67 00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:49,629 Was it a rock? 68 00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:52,632 Was it a pen? Who knows? 69 00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:55,501 He was kicked, had his hair pulled. 70 00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:58,871 This happened in hallways, the locker room, bathrooms. 71 00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:00,773 It just was going on. 72 00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,642 And some of the times it was happening. 73 00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:05,945 According to the lawsuit that they filed, it was happening in front of teachers, 74 00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:09,315 sometimes in front of staff members all the time without intervention. 75 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,985 It was so severe that this began. 76 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,988 Myles, dealing with severe depression and anxiety. 77 00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,857 It led to acts of self-mutilation, 78 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:21,794 some of which happened on school grounds and some suicide attempts. 79 00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:26,733 And according to this lawsuit, when he was in class, he would have things 80 00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:30,336 like bloody sleeves and the staff members still turned a blind eye. 81 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:35,675 His mother requested intervention and requested help. 82 00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:39,078 She made complaints to the school district, to the counselor. 83 00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:42,348 Fitzpatrick himself even made reports to staff members and teachers. 84 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,850 But the bullying grew worse, 85 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,819 and nothing significant was done to address these complaints. 86 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:48,655 The bullying 87 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:51,758 got so bad that Myles was given permission 88 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:56,629 to change in the faculty lounge, restroom or the nurse's office. 89 00:04:56,829 --> 00:05:00,366 But for some unknown reason, that was reneged 90 00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:03,536 at some point and he was forced to change in the locker rooms 91 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:07,540 where the harassment was going on, and it just got more and more severe. 92 00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:12,178 They eventually asked for either 93 00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:15,615 remote schooling or home schooling, and that was denied. 94 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,185 And because of that, the harassment continued 95 00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:22,955 and it continued up until poor Myles took his own life. 96 00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:28,294 Now the school district has made a statement. 97 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:33,266 Our hearts are broken and we are grieving for Myles family. 98 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:36,869 The students who were his friends and the staff members who taught him 99 00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:41,040 beyond that, it wouldn't be appropriate to comment on pending litigation. 100 00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:45,044 I am heartbroken. 101 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:49,982 I am just enraged because 102 00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:53,986 even though I was not transgendered, 103 00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:55,988 I can see myself in Myles. 104 00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,424 Myles is my people. 105 00:05:58,424 --> 00:05:59,692 I was bullied. 106 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:02,161 The school district was well aware of it. 107 00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:04,664 And not only did they not help me, they would do things to help 108 00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:07,667 encourage it in subtle, weird ways. 109 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,903 And this is what happened to Myles. 110 00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:13,573 You know, I, I really don't know what to say, 111 00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:17,610 but I am enraged because it wasn't taken seriously until it was too late. 112 00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:18,845 One thing about the story 113 00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:22,382 that we need to make note of is we don't hear what the school 114 00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:27,153 attempted to do as well besides changing bathrooms. 115 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:31,391 I don't have a lot of parents who quick come to me saying my kids 116 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,961 being bullied in school and doing nothing and I got to take your word for it. 117 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,965 But I'm careful because I'm not going to say, well, that school 118 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:43,136 ain't doing nothing to help bullying because for one, we don't hear their side. 119 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:44,003 And I'll tell you 120 00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:47,273 what, Manvel High School, I'll be more than happy to hear your side. 121 00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:50,443 So if you're from Manvel High School and you want to talk about this with us, 122 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:54,847 you can email us at Crotty bullying at gmail.com. 123 00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:59,051 And we would love love to hear your side of this tragedy. 124 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:03,923 Yes, but I have experience a teacher turning a blind eye. 125 00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:06,826 Well, I remember this third grade gym class. 126 00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:11,964 I was getting picked on and the coach teacher fires fire. 127 00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:16,035 It just turned away, ignored it like nothing happened. 128 00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:18,104 And I'm like, 129 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,040 That's not fair. 130 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,842 You just. You're just alone. 131 00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:25,211 I've experienced it, 132 00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:28,214 you know, one time in front of a teacher like that. 133 00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:30,316 It's going to toughen you up. Tim. 134 00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:31,284 Yeah, just tough. It up. 135 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,520 Speaking of just covering it up, that was back in the day. 136 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,757 Back in my time to tough it up. Suck it up. 137 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,525 That's where you're told Suck it up. 138 00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:41,594 Everybody gets picked on. Suck it up. 139 00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:45,031 The problem is of me sucking it up, it caused. 140 00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:48,301 Look, I still struggle with confidence issues. 141 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,938 I still have doubts. 142 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,506 Can I do this? 143 00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:57,243 Because when I was younger, I didn't get that praise and feedback 144 00:07:57,243 --> 00:08:01,214 from my teachers or even my parents because one of my parents 145 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,249 didn't know what was going on. 146 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,852 I can relate to that child as well. 147 00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:09,689 And that parent, when you feel like the school is not helping, you feel alone. 148 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,225 Who else do you turn to? 149 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:15,228 I have a student in my martial arts program 150 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:18,698 that is identifying right now as non-binary, 151 00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:22,568 who just experience the harassment, 152 00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:25,771 the bullying starting, although physical. 153 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,206 The parents are aware of it. 154 00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,774 I'm aware of it. 155 00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:30,276 Her parent 156 00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:34,080 feel like they don't have anyone to turn to because sometimes 157 00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,883 you're so overwhelmed with all this stuff's going on 158 00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:40,019 and I don't know what the school is truly doing, but whatever is going 159 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:43,456 on, it's not good enough for at least my students parents. 160 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:48,094 So what I'm doing right now with my current student is we got in touch 161 00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:53,232 with a local community that understands the trans and LGBTQ community 162 00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:59,338 for help to get the student around people like them to start over. 163 00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:01,908 Coming this bullying in school. 164 00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:06,045 No matter what your belief religion views, our political views are. 165 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:08,948 None of that matters. Does that matter? Correct. 166 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,350 But matters is especially for one. 167 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,652 This is a child. 168 00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:14,787 And it's a human being. Yes, human being. 169 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:17,390 They their brains are fully developed to 24 years old. 170 00:09:18,457 --> 00:09:19,091 They don't 171 00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:22,929 quite understand, especially my kinds of suicide. 172 00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:25,264 Sometimes people I try to commit suicide. 173 00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:26,365 Back when I was a kid. 174 00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:29,368 My reason for that was, is because at nighttime 175 00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:32,705 I was at peace when I was sleeping. 176 00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:35,908 Kids don't understand that when you go this far, 177 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:39,011 there's no I can come back from it later on. 178 00:09:39,011 --> 00:09:41,247 This is final. 179 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,383 So I feel like this is a pretty 180 00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:48,120 heavy news article to kick off our first show with, especially 181 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,123 when I have my own kind of going 182 00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:54,460 through the start of of this story right here. 183 00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:57,496 But I have hope for student. 184 00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:59,398 I believe they are starting to get the help. 185 00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:02,902 I can start seeing more of a upbeat and this student where 186 00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:06,372 I have to tell this student to hey act like a black belt. 187 00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:10,810 The point when you start telling a student to start listening to you, 188 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,813 they're goofing around in class, that's actually a good sign 189 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:16,916 because their confidence is starting to come back a little bit more. 190 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:20,886 But, you know, as far as this news article, you know, this kid 191 00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:23,889 didn't have any of those opportunities, at least that we know of. 192 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,093 Yeah, well, they have a go fund me 193 00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:30,696 for poor Miles family and you will find that link 194 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:34,600 in the show description if you can please give something 195 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,471 I think a very important thing to do in this first 196 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:44,410 episode is to actually define what is bullying and how to recognize it 197 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:48,781 and how to see if maybe you or your child or somebody you know is affected. 198 00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,685 And to do that, we are going to bring on a professional. 199 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:57,957 Joining us now is Fiona Swanson, a clinical social worker 200 00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:01,594 for over ten years who deals with adults and children 201 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:05,431 and is very familiar with bullying and I think has some experience herself. 202 00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:08,801 Hello, Fiona. Hi. Glad to be here. 203 00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:12,038 So tell us a little about yourself, a little about your experiences. 204 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:15,007 How did you get into social work, your specialization? 205 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:21,080 Okay, so I have been in social work for about ten years now. 206 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,183 I kind of always knew that I wanted to do something 207 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:28,254 having to do with helping people and ended up being social work. 208 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,357 I started out working in a hospital setting, 209 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:35,161 working with families, helping them get ready to discharge 210 00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:38,931 or deal with sort of the stressors of being in the hospital. 211 00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:44,370 And then I got my clinical licensure and started working with patients, 212 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:46,872 adults, children and 213 00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:50,042 families on more of a therapeutic basis. 214 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,111 So working with them in therapy. 215 00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:55,681 And then I switched to School of Social work. 216 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:59,652 Well, a year about a year ago, because I felt like 217 00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:03,456 working so much with kids and adolescents. 218 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:06,926 A lot of this main stressors they were dealing with 219 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:11,063 had to do with school setting, and often times, most often 220 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:15,101 it had to do with bullying or peer conflicts and so I thought 221 00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:18,437 it would be helpful if I could work in that setting with students. 222 00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:21,774 Well, let's talk about bullying a little bit. 223 00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:22,775 What exactly is it? 224 00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:26,846 What's the difference between bullying versus a harassment versus, say, 225 00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:29,281 just being plain rude? Sure. 226 00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:32,284 So being rude is 227 00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,920 when a person is maybe 228 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,057 accidentally says something unkind 229 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:42,962 or accidentally bumped into somebody you know, and doesn't apologize 230 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,398 or maybe says something that wasn't very considerate 231 00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:51,270 and might have hurt their feelings, like, oh, that's a different haircut, you know? 232 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,405 So that would be being rude. 233 00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:57,176 Then there's also being mean, which is a little bit 234 00:12:57,176 --> 00:13:00,646 more intentional, kind of saying something to hurt somebody's feelings. 235 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:05,084 But typically that would be just maybe on a one time basis 236 00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:11,157 when it moves into bullying, when it's done more intentionally. 237 00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:14,960 So there's purpose and it's usually planned. 238 00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:20,466 And then also when there is a little bit of a power differential. 239 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:24,136 So, for example, you know, 10 minutes before 240 00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:26,071 they're let into this to the school. 241 00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:29,275 So they're on the playground and every time they get dropped off, 242 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,611 you know, there's this group of three or four kids 243 00:13:32,611 --> 00:13:35,714 who maybe are like a little bit older or bigger 244 00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:40,219 or even just the fact that it's a group and that gives them more power than that. 245 00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:42,721 The kid who just got dropped off. 246 00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,691 And if they every time they see the student 247 00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,094 say rude things to them or teased them 248 00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:52,097 and that's on a consistent basis, then that would be bullying. 249 00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:55,701 In your experiences as a social worker. 250 00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:57,069 Do you 251 00:13:57,069 --> 00:14:00,072 feel the incidents of bullying are on the rise? 252 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,309 That is a very good question. 253 00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:07,713 I definitely think cyberbullying is on the rise. 254 00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:11,851 And, you know, I, I was in school 255 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:16,822 trying to get away my age, but I graduated about 20 years ago. 256 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:21,193 So a while ago before social media and cell phones and, 257 00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:26,632 you know, I think back to middle school, which was a very hard time for me. 258 00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:29,835 And I would say that I was probably the target of some bullying, 259 00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:33,772 definitely some transition in friends then was targeted. 260 00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:36,575 And I think about how hard that was. 261 00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:39,245 But yet now when you add social 262 00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:43,415 media and texting group text and all of these other ways 263 00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:48,988 for people to talk about you or spread rumors or record you had posted, 264 00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:55,094 I think how lucky I was, how relieved I am that it wasn't that much worse yet. 265 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,128 It was still really hard. 266 00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:59,665 So I would say that it's much more intense now. 267 00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:03,269 You know, I've been working with students and youth 268 00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:08,641 professionally for about ten years, but even when I was doing hair, 269 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:13,312 I worked with a lot of like teenagers and and I guess I can't say 270 00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:18,884 speak to the like, statistics as far as whether or not it's increased. 271 00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:21,153 They know it's kind of always been bad 272 00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:25,557 and it depends on where you go to school and what policies and that type of thing. 273 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,594 But online certainly takes the in-person 274 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,597 had to put in physical effort to do it 275 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:35,200 or at the very least pick up a phone and crank call somebody versus now 276 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:39,772 you can just simply find their IM, find their Instagram and just go at it. 277 00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:43,776 Elise When we were a kids and I'm roughly the same age as you, Fiona, 278 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,345 when we were kids at Elise, when we leave school, 279 00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:48,180 the bullying goes away, It stops for a bit. 280 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:52,284 We got a break, but these days, you know, kids can't escape it. 281 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,886 It's like you said, cyber. 282 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:56,522 Cyber bullying is really tough to do for a lot of kids. 283 00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,525 And kids want to be connected with social media as well, 284 00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,060 play their games and so forth. 285 00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:04,063 So I do think that for myself, 286 00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:07,132 I guess I was a little bit more luckier when I was getting it, 287 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:10,836 because when I left school, it stopped for, you know, a day. 288 00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:14,840 Considering how easy it's become to just go 289 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,843 online and rail at somebody, it's very easy to bully someone. 290 00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:20,946 What can parents do to be more cognizant 291 00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:23,983 that their particular child might be getting bullied? 292 00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:29,355 That is the one thing when I I'm grateful for my professional experience 293 00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:32,791 because I see meaning with kids 294 00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:35,961 and then especially like adolescents and teenagers. 295 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:42,968 One on one, I hear what's happening and then when I talk with the parents, 296 00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:46,171 sometimes they have no idea the extent 297 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:49,241 or they think they think all their friends are good kids. 298 00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:51,143 They just they just do this. 299 00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:55,214 Sometimes they have no idea what's happening or how cruel it is. 300 00:16:55,414 --> 00:16:56,582 Boys will be boys. 301 00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:59,184 Yes, exactly. Right. 302 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,254 Or you know how girls are, you know, that kind of thing. 303 00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:02,888 Or it. 304 00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:06,992 So they sometimes even encourage that their child to stay friends with this 305 00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:07,292 group. 306 00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:11,330 Like, let's say it's a small town and they grew up being friends, but yet, 307 00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:12,731 you know, that group 308 00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:16,535 is kind of torturing their child, but they're not believing it. 309 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:19,772 So I think that it is really important 310 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:23,609 for parents to watch for changes 311 00:17:24,276 --> 00:17:28,013 in behavior or personality with their child. 312 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:31,083 For example, let's see, their child 313 00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:35,220 usually loves going to their like after school program, 314 00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:38,524 you know, whatever that that after school care is. 315 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:40,659 And they're always happy to go. 316 00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:43,595 And then all of a sudden they say, Oh, can you just pick me up? 317 00:17:43,595 --> 00:17:44,863 Can you pick me up early? 318 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:49,068 I don't want to stay or they are, you know, going to the nursing nurse 319 00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:52,604 saying, I have a headache or I'm sick, I need to go home, 320 00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,808 or they are not wanting to go to school. 321 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:59,178 Those are clear signs that something is going on. 322 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:04,716 I encourage parents wholeheartedly to not just dismiss 323 00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:09,221 it as kids being lazy or just being teenagers. 324 00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:11,490 You know, make sure to to find out. 325 00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:16,495 Okay, so who's spending your time with And also encouraging parents to 326 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:20,766 look at their children's phones, look at look at their online activity, 327 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,903 You know, make it like normalize that from as soon as they're old enough 328 00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:28,740 to be online, say, okay, you got to show me what you've been doing. 329 00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,477 I show me an account so that as they get older, 330 00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,545 they realize, yep, that's just a normal thing. 331 00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:35,714 My mom or my dad's just protecting me. 332 00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,783 I got to show them who I'm talking to. 333 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:41,286 So just kind of always recognizing any any signs that. 334 00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:46,892 That your child is avoiding places they used to go or isolate anymore. 335 00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:50,762 So, Fiona, if I have a child, I suspect bullying. 336 00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:53,665 You know, some kids don't want to admit that they're being bullied, 337 00:18:53,665 --> 00:18:57,436 even though you can see it as like a good question to ask your child 338 00:18:57,903 --> 00:19:00,139 that would get you to open up to them. 339 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,809 So going back to my childhood, Hey, Johnny, are you being bullied today? 340 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:05,544 Do you take them all? 341 00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:08,147 Take a private setting, have some dinner. 342 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:12,451 What's a good technique to get them to open up to you to trust you? 343 00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:15,053 Because a lot of it kids are afraid that, Oh, no, 344 00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:18,223 they're going to call that kid's parents and I'm really going to get it right. 345 00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,158 Is that a good question 346 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:23,328 or tactic we can get our kids to open up to come clean about the bullying? 347 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:24,696 Yeah. Yeah. 348 00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:27,699 Very good question, because you're absolutely right. 349 00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:31,537 Surprisingly, it's a child's sort of instinct to shut down 350 00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:34,273 and just kind of say, no, everything's fine. 351 00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:37,009 So I think that it's helpful 352 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,312 to really try to connect with your child. 353 00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:44,283 And so, like you said, maybe take him out to eat or just spend 354 00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:47,986 some one on one time with them so that they know that you're there, 355 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:52,090 you know, and even just saying, hey, I'm noticing something, 356 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:55,928 noticing a change in your you know, when I was a kid, 357 00:19:55,928 --> 00:20:00,265 sometimes people said mean things to me and I didn't know how to respond. 358 00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,501 Does that ever happen to you? 359 00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:06,939 And honestly, as a parent, so this is my experience as a parent. 360 00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:10,142 I found it helpful to sometimes, you know, when I go 361 00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:15,380 pick up my kid from after school care, try to try to sort of get there and watch 362 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:20,252 a little bit to see what I can see before coming to get them. 363 00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:24,623 And so I can observe what's going on because I actually found out 364 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:29,127 one time doing that of a little bit of that, got a little bit 365 00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:33,498 of intimidation from another student to my son that he hadn't told me about. 366 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:38,370 And I saw it and then I was able to ask him about it and remind him like, 367 00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:40,105 we're going to work through this together. 368 00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:43,408 I'm not going to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or, 369 00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:45,077 you know, we're going to 370 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:49,214 figure out how you can be safe and how you can stand up for yourself. 371 00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:54,553 So really not trying to rush it, trying to trying to help them feel calm and safe 372 00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:59,258 and then have them participate in coming up with a plan for next step. 373 00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:00,559 That's a very good point. 374 00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:03,328 So maybe they'll open up to me the first time. 375 00:21:03,328 --> 00:21:04,763 But second time. 376 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:08,133 Third time as parents, just be patient, work with their child. 377 00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:09,301 And like you said, 378 00:21:09,301 --> 00:21:11,503 I might go down to school and monitor them for a bit, 379 00:21:11,503 --> 00:21:13,272 but just sit back and kind of watch. 380 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,841 But then again, how do you go back and hire a kid? 381 00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,342 Like like I saw you. 382 00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:19,111 I saw this happen. I don't want my kid to lose. 383 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,413 Trust me that I'm spying on them, though, either. 384 00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:24,683 Sometimes it can be, though, if you want your kid to break that trust, too. 385 00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:26,852 Yeah, well, and. 386 00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:30,522 And you know, the example I gave, it was more just kind of me 387 00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:32,457 pulling up and then seeing them. 388 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:35,427 I didn't see for more than a minute or two. 389 00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:36,495 Yeah, I guess. Yeah. 390 00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:39,698 I'm just saying, if your kid's used to picking you up, if I were to go 391 00:21:39,698 --> 00:21:43,969 pick up my kid, which I don't ever do, and then I go to school one day 392 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:48,173 to kind of sit back and watch, then my dad goes, Are you spying on me? 393 00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:51,143 Yeah. You know, I don't want to break that trust either. 394 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,078 Yeah. Right. 395 00:21:53,078 --> 00:21:53,578 Yeah. 396 00:21:53,578 --> 00:21:54,346 I don't want to 397 00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:58,317 give the message that it's okay to go and watch your kids at recess necessarily, 398 00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,385 because I don't know that that's allowed, but more 399 00:22:00,385 --> 00:22:03,388 just kind of taking every opportunity you can 400 00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:06,825 to observe in the moment naturally. 401 00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:12,364 And also if you have concerns your their teacher is there, 402 00:22:12,631 --> 00:22:15,967 you know, email them, call them, say, hey, this is what I'm noticing, 403 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,469 what are you seeing? 404 00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:21,106 Because either the teacher or the school, a social worker or a counselor. 405 00:22:21,473 --> 00:22:24,743 Well, or should take that seriously and investigate. 406 00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:28,847 Would there be any value in as a parent saying to your child, 407 00:22:28,947 --> 00:22:33,118 I just want you to know that when I was your age, I was bullied. 408 00:22:33,118 --> 00:22:35,153 I went through something similar. 409 00:22:35,153 --> 00:22:38,790 If something's going on, I don't want you to be afraid that I won't understand 410 00:22:38,790 --> 00:22:41,760 or I won't believe you because I've been through it. 411 00:22:42,060 --> 00:22:43,228 I do understand. 412 00:22:43,228 --> 00:22:45,097 I do believe you. 413 00:22:45,097 --> 00:22:46,998 Absolutely. 414 00:22:46,998 --> 00:22:50,369 I think I think that that would be absolutely helpful. 415 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:54,706 You know, and because when I was when I was a kid, sort of, 416 00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:57,709 you know, my mom's advice was, well, just ignore it. 417 00:22:57,743 --> 00:22:58,410 Just ignore it. 418 00:22:58,410 --> 00:23:01,646 And, you know, really, that doesn't work. 419 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,383 You know, she was doing the best she could. 420 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:07,352 Just smile. They'll get bored. Yeah. 421 00:23:07,352 --> 00:23:07,786 Yeah. 422 00:23:07,786 --> 00:23:09,721 Well, just yeah, just pretend you don't hear it. 423 00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:11,890 But that that can often. 424 00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:14,326 I mean, I've rarely seen that work. 425 00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:17,329 It's often sort of like ammunition. 426 00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:19,197 So I guess for it to continue. 427 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:21,900 If the parent manages to get 428 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:25,570 this conversation going, they're beginning to talk to the child. 429 00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:30,475 What advice can the parent give the child to help that child? 430 00:23:30,475 --> 00:23:31,843 Who is being bullied? 431 00:23:31,843 --> 00:23:34,813 I think really need to remember that 432 00:23:34,813 --> 00:23:37,449 our first goal is to listen 433 00:23:37,449 --> 00:23:40,051 to help our child feel heard, 434 00:23:40,051 --> 00:23:43,822 because sometimes we go quick into advice mode and our kids 435 00:23:44,022 --> 00:23:47,426 shut down or they're like, Well, no, that's not going to work, you know? 436 00:23:47,692 --> 00:23:51,296 So we want we want to make sure we listen, ask them 437 00:23:51,296 --> 00:23:54,933 to explain what happens and like how it makes them feel. 438 00:23:55,367 --> 00:23:58,370 And then so problems, problem. 439 00:23:58,470 --> 00:23:59,037 Okay. 440 00:23:59,037 --> 00:24:03,208 So what do you think might help or what would you like to do? 441 00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:08,046 You know, if you had a superpower to fix this, what would happen? 442 00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:11,683 So getting them involved in the conversation, then 443 00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:16,455 some tips that I often recommend and do with my own kids. 444 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:19,758 As I say, okay, let's practice how we could respond. 445 00:24:20,358 --> 00:24:22,694 How can we make a joke about something? 446 00:24:22,694 --> 00:24:25,797 You know, can we sort of laugh it off of someone? 447 00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:28,133 We need comment. 448 00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:31,136 Is this something where we need to practice 449 00:24:31,169 --> 00:24:34,339 assertively to say, No, I don't like that stuff 450 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:38,477 because sometimes our kids, I don't think know that they need 451 00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:43,081 to directly say no stuff because sometimes I think that initial instinct 452 00:24:43,081 --> 00:24:46,885 is to just sort of like giggle and laugh along with. 453 00:24:47,285 --> 00:24:50,288 Then the bully can sort of say, well, they never said they didn't like it, 454 00:24:50,288 --> 00:24:51,523 or it was just a joke. 455 00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:54,526 So listening and involving them in the plan, 456 00:24:55,193 --> 00:24:58,263 practicing role playing, how they're going to respond, 457 00:24:58,263 --> 00:25:02,801 and then also making a plan for who they can connect with. 458 00:25:03,101 --> 00:25:06,671 So as a parent, after you do these things, I'm going to ask our girls. 459 00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:08,640 And then who do you want us to talk to? 460 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,076 Will it be your teacher or your counselor? 461 00:25:11,076 --> 00:25:14,145 What other adult at school can help us with that 462 00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:17,315 so that they can help you when you're in school. 463 00:25:17,949 --> 00:25:20,652 So that brings me to our next question, 464 00:25:20,652 --> 00:25:25,023 which is in some cases, in quite a few cases, actually, 465 00:25:25,223 --> 00:25:29,661 the school is not just not helpful, they're almost to some degree complicit 466 00:25:29,661 --> 00:25:33,832 in their lack of ability to want to deal with the situation. 467 00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:36,668 What did face what services 468 00:25:36,668 --> 00:25:40,005 are there for parents who try to approach the school 469 00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:43,675 and the school makes excuses, doesn't help. 470 00:25:43,675 --> 00:25:47,312 Just stand by and watch because it's not their problem, 471 00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:48,980 You know? 472 00:25:48,980 --> 00:25:54,286 And first of all, I, I do want to say that my experience with schools 473 00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:58,123 is luckily it's been positive. 474 00:25:58,123 --> 00:26:01,359 I have seen documentaries and I have heard about, 475 00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:06,131 you know, some schools that clearly are taking it seriously. 476 00:26:06,131 --> 00:26:09,534 And so, yes, I'm going to give you some resources for that. 477 00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:15,073 But I also want to say that I have seen and I work in some schools 478 00:26:15,073 --> 00:26:21,112 that will be proactive and they recognize that there are laws in place. 479 00:26:21,112 --> 00:26:25,350 I mean, you look up our Minnesota statute and there is anti-bullying 480 00:26:25,350 --> 00:26:28,720 laws and safe and supportive schools acts that 481 00:26:29,487 --> 00:26:32,891 that mandate certain policies schools have to follow. 482 00:26:33,358 --> 00:26:36,061 So I think for the parents, 483 00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:39,030 there's two really good resources on line. 484 00:26:39,064 --> 00:26:42,434 And one is stop bullying that does 485 00:26:42,834 --> 00:26:46,371 that's a federal kind of website. 486 00:26:46,371 --> 00:26:50,542 And research center with lots of really good information about how to talk 487 00:26:50,542 --> 00:26:53,545 to your child, how to connect with the school, 488 00:26:53,645 --> 00:26:56,648 what are the next steps if you're not getting anywhere? 489 00:26:56,915 --> 00:27:00,952 Also, pacer p a, c, r. 490 00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:06,324 They have a National Bullying Prevention center and their website is fantastic. 491 00:27:06,658 --> 00:27:12,030 They they have letters sort of written out so that you can start 492 00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:15,467 to document reaching out to the school and telling them exactly what's happening. 493 00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:18,470 And then to start to build a legal case. 494 00:27:18,470 --> 00:27:21,539 If the school is not responding to make action happen, 495 00:27:21,873 --> 00:27:26,144 I would really encourage people to look at those resources. 496 00:27:26,144 --> 00:27:31,850 And there are more, but those are kind of like the two that seem pretty good to me, 497 00:27:32,817 --> 00:27:33,184 you know, and 498 00:27:33,184 --> 00:27:36,187 just and just don't don't snap. 499 00:27:36,254 --> 00:27:41,459 Don't stop advocating because because you have to for your child. 500 00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:42,961 You know. 501 00:27:42,961 --> 00:27:44,462 So another question. 502 00:27:44,462 --> 00:27:48,033 If your child is being bullied and you are aware 503 00:27:48,033 --> 00:27:52,437 of the other child's parents, as a parent, should you approach them? 504 00:27:52,771 --> 00:27:55,473 Should you try to have a dialog with the other child's parent? 505 00:27:55,473 --> 00:27:58,476 Or is that just asking for issues? 506 00:27:59,310 --> 00:28:01,079 I think I feel like 507 00:28:01,079 --> 00:28:04,516 I don't have a good evidence based answer. 508 00:28:04,983 --> 00:28:07,519 I'm guessing there's tons of research out there 509 00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:10,989 that would help us know which way to go. 510 00:28:11,990 --> 00:28:15,427 I know that in some experiences the families I've worked with, 511 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,464 the parents have connected with the other parents, particularly 512 00:28:19,464 --> 00:28:25,036 if it's like a smaller town, and that that has been helpful to an extent. 513 00:28:25,203 --> 00:28:27,472 Yeah, I think more on a case by case basis. 514 00:28:27,472 --> 00:28:32,277 We try and say because if a parent came to me and said My kid's bullying our kid, 515 00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:33,645 I'll probably be offended by it. 516 00:28:33,645 --> 00:28:37,382 They'll do, you know, you know, some parents will get offended. 517 00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:37,682 Like what? 518 00:28:37,682 --> 00:28:39,718 You're calling my kid a bully. Now, 519 00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:43,221 you could start a whole nother problem, too, by going to the parents as well. 520 00:28:43,221 --> 00:28:46,224 So small towns may be better. 521 00:28:46,324 --> 00:28:47,559 They tend to know each other, too. 522 00:28:47,559 --> 00:28:49,627 But I understand where you're going with that. 523 00:28:49,627 --> 00:28:52,897 I don't think a lot of evidence out there to really get a clear answer 524 00:28:52,897 --> 00:28:53,665 on that question. 525 00:28:53,665 --> 00:28:56,668 And it's probably what happened. 526 00:28:56,901 --> 00:28:59,537 Now, say little Johnny 527 00:28:59,537 --> 00:29:02,874 keeps hitting my son every day at school, keeps punching him. 528 00:29:02,941 --> 00:29:06,711 That may be easy to come up to say, Hey, your son keeps punching my kid 529 00:29:07,011 --> 00:29:07,946 in the lunch line. 530 00:29:07,946 --> 00:29:11,116 If it's more extreme bullying, like the new story that that we talked 531 00:29:11,116 --> 00:29:12,217 about today, 532 00:29:12,217 --> 00:29:14,419 that might be hard to give up to a kid's parents 533 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:16,688 to try to give them that information. 534 00:29:16,688 --> 00:29:18,857 So I think you're right. The case by case. 535 00:29:18,857 --> 00:29:21,392 I think you're exactly right on that. Yes, absolutely. 536 00:29:21,392 --> 00:29:24,896 I think because sometimes and often children 537 00:29:24,896 --> 00:29:29,400 who bully are experiencing stressors at home themselves. 538 00:29:29,501 --> 00:29:31,202 Maybe they are being bullied 539 00:29:31,202 --> 00:29:35,206 or experiencing some emotional, verbal or physical abuse at home. 540 00:29:35,206 --> 00:29:40,044 And so their parent may not be the most healthy, if you know what I mean. 541 00:29:40,044 --> 00:29:41,646 It makes so. Yes. 542 00:29:41,646 --> 00:29:45,116 How trying is it on you when you have a child who is so obviously 543 00:29:45,116 --> 00:29:46,217 in distress? 544 00:29:46,217 --> 00:29:49,954 You mean that like when I'm working with a child who's in distress? 545 00:29:50,221 --> 00:29:50,588 Yeah. 546 00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:53,591 When there's a heavy situation where I assume 547 00:29:53,691 --> 00:29:57,796 that in some situations there's only a limited amount that you can do to help. 548 00:29:57,996 --> 00:30:00,465 Sometimes that situation doesn't get better. 549 00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:02,333 How does that weigh on you? 550 00:30:06,237 --> 00:30:08,706 Um. You know, 551 00:30:08,706 --> 00:30:12,076 I feel as though I, 552 00:30:12,610 --> 00:30:15,446 I do feel like I've been able 553 00:30:15,446 --> 00:30:18,483 to help at least someone when I was working, 554 00:30:18,483 --> 00:30:21,953 like in a outpatient clinic when kids for therapy, 555 00:30:22,287 --> 00:30:26,391 we would talk through strategies, but I didn't see them as often. 556 00:30:26,391 --> 00:30:29,427 So, you know, and then we would maybe they would not end up coming. 557 00:30:29,427 --> 00:30:32,430 So I don't know that I ever worked with somebody 558 00:30:32,430 --> 00:30:36,000 where I it clearly was like out of hand. 559 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:39,204 And they I couldn't we couldn't get through it. 560 00:30:40,104 --> 00:30:42,307 But I don't know everything as far as like 561 00:30:42,307 --> 00:30:45,109 as far as how things went on a day to day. 562 00:30:45,109 --> 00:30:48,246 I just know when I was seeing them in the school, 563 00:30:48,246 --> 00:30:52,650 I feel grateful that the schools that I'm working at right 564 00:30:52,650 --> 00:30:56,521 now, that there's good people that take it seriously 565 00:30:56,521 --> 00:31:02,694 and will work to change them as some things around change make it 566 00:31:02,694 --> 00:31:07,031 so they're not able to be here one on one with each other. 567 00:31:07,031 --> 00:31:11,035 And they were able to meet with that and help build them up. 568 00:31:11,035 --> 00:31:14,038 I think that's one thing I want to make sure to say. 569 00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:16,140 As parents, as you know, 570 00:31:16,140 --> 00:31:19,711 anybody who works at a school, as anybody who works with children, 571 00:31:20,211 --> 00:31:23,514 you can build them up whenever you see them. 572 00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:27,785 Point out what's great about them, point out how just awesome of a kid 573 00:31:27,785 --> 00:31:31,890 they are playing out that they are inherently worthwhile. 574 00:31:32,023 --> 00:31:32,357 Right? 575 00:31:32,357 --> 00:31:36,728 Because we want that's what we want them to know that no matter what's happening, 576 00:31:37,095 --> 00:31:40,765 how someone else is treating us isn't about us, it's about them. 577 00:31:40,999 --> 00:31:43,201 And we are so worthwhile. 578 00:31:43,201 --> 00:31:47,605 We are so kind, we are so friendly, and we can still make our own friends. 579 00:31:47,839 --> 00:31:50,975 You know, the more social connections a child and an adult 580 00:31:50,975 --> 00:31:53,978 has, the less vulnerable they are to blame 581 00:31:54,279 --> 00:31:57,148 and the less vulnerable they are to a lot of other health risks. 582 00:31:57,148 --> 00:31:58,182 I totally agree. 583 00:31:58,182 --> 00:32:02,520 Because as a parent, where the first ones I can build up my kids confidence first. 584 00:32:02,820 --> 00:32:05,823 Yeah, I see a lot of parents at sports. 585 00:32:05,823 --> 00:32:07,692 Some are even my school. 586 00:32:07,692 --> 00:32:11,462 A kid will break a board or have a huge achievement in class. 587 00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,665 You turn around, look at the parent. 588 00:32:13,665 --> 00:32:14,565 They're sitting on their phone, 589 00:32:14,565 --> 00:32:18,002 not paying attention to it and the kid's confidence just drops. 590 00:32:18,469 --> 00:32:19,604 The parent missed it. 591 00:32:20,672 --> 00:32:21,873 And that's kind of awesome. 592 00:32:21,873 --> 00:32:24,509 Paris, too, because as a parents, we live such a busy life 593 00:32:24,509 --> 00:32:26,010 now, that parent to be working on their phone. 594 00:32:26,010 --> 00:32:27,245 I don't know the whole story, 595 00:32:27,245 --> 00:32:30,682 but as parents, if we're taking our kid to an activity, 596 00:32:30,682 --> 00:32:35,053 we should be engaged with that activity as well, because that activity 597 00:32:35,053 --> 00:32:38,856 is there not just for them to become a professional player some day. 598 00:32:39,324 --> 00:32:42,827 Their activity main goal is to build our confidence up 599 00:32:42,827 --> 00:32:45,830 and if we can't give them that instant praise, 600 00:32:45,863 --> 00:32:48,633 that kid, that should be like, Well, why should I try you more? 601 00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:49,734 No one cares. 602 00:32:49,734 --> 00:32:53,104 And they get all these negative thoughts going through their head as well as 603 00:32:53,104 --> 00:32:56,307 parents were the first ones to work on our kids US confidence. 604 00:32:56,641 --> 00:33:00,878 Even if we can't fix what's going on for them at school, we can. 605 00:33:00,878 --> 00:33:04,449 We can focus on the positive with them and we can build that. 606 00:33:04,615 --> 00:33:08,353 We can do those positive affirmations, we can do that practice for you. 607 00:33:08,386 --> 00:33:10,388 How are you going to respond when I say that? 608 00:33:10,388 --> 00:33:11,656 He let's practice the joke. 609 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:15,293 So you got a joke to me to tell to sort of like break the ice. 610 00:33:15,293 --> 00:33:17,762 I mean, we can be working on all those things. 611 00:33:17,762 --> 00:33:20,732 You know, we can't always fix what's on the outside world. 612 00:33:21,733 --> 00:33:23,134 As we're coming to a close. 613 00:33:23,134 --> 00:33:25,636 Is there any final thoughts that you would like 614 00:33:25,636 --> 00:33:29,173 to relay out to the audience just in general about bullying? 615 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,610 Any particular bit of advice that hasn't been covered by any of our questions? 616 00:33:33,211 --> 00:33:36,114 I would say encouraging kids 617 00:33:36,114 --> 00:33:40,718 to also speak up when they see others being bullied 618 00:33:40,885 --> 00:33:45,623 because that helps contribute to a safe environment at their school 619 00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:50,294 and that helps contribute to less likelihood they'll be bullied. 620 00:33:50,628 --> 00:33:54,365 And so I think encouraging kids 621 00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:58,703 to say something or reach out to a child if they see that 622 00:33:58,703 --> 00:34:03,141 they don't have anybody to sit with, encouraging our kids to 623 00:34:04,475 --> 00:34:08,713 build relationships and friendships, even if they're not the best of friends, 624 00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:12,183 like just encouraging your kids to be involved in things 625 00:34:12,183 --> 00:34:16,254 because those social connections are going to protect them. 626 00:34:16,521 --> 00:34:20,758 You know, And also doing that as parents, you know, because they see what we model. 627 00:34:22,860 --> 00:34:23,795 So you think 628 00:34:23,795 --> 00:34:29,000 I think it's so helpful to look at those proactive preventative strategies 629 00:34:29,367 --> 00:34:33,538 in addition to responding, if it's happening again. 630 00:34:33,538 --> 00:34:37,308 Thank you so much for joining us and we really appreciate you coming on 631 00:34:37,308 --> 00:34:38,709 and defining bullying for us. 632 00:34:38,709 --> 00:34:40,778 Yes. Thanks, Fiona. Absolutely. 633 00:34:40,778 --> 00:34:42,747 Thank you. It's my pleasure. 634 00:34:42,747 --> 00:34:45,450 You know, Tim, I think Fiona was very helpful. 635 00:34:45,450 --> 00:34:47,485 I think there was a lot of good information. 636 00:34:47,485 --> 00:34:51,522 I feel that she gave us a lot of tools on what we can do to help our child 637 00:34:51,522 --> 00:34:52,824 if they're being bullied. 638 00:34:52,824 --> 00:34:56,527 And speaking of tools, we want to give you a couple of resources right now. 639 00:34:56,594 --> 00:35:00,932 First off, because we started the show talking about somebody who tragically 640 00:35:00,932 --> 00:35:05,670 took their own life, If you out there are having any suicidal thoughts, 641 00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:09,373 we implore you to take a moment to stop. 642 00:35:10,041 --> 00:35:13,344 And here's the number to the national Suicide hotline. 643 00:35:13,945 --> 00:35:18,850 Before you do anything rash, please dial nine, eight, eight and talk to somebody. 644 00:35:18,850 --> 00:35:21,152 There is somebody there to talk to. 645 00:35:21,152 --> 00:35:24,122 Now, whether it is yourself, 646 00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:27,258 your child or somebody you know who has experienced bullying, 647 00:35:27,525 --> 00:35:29,961 we want to give you two resources right now. 648 00:35:29,961 --> 00:35:33,431 There is first stop bullying dot gov, which is the United State 649 00:35:33,431 --> 00:35:36,434 government's anti-bullying resource website. 650 00:35:36,667 --> 00:35:40,905 And there is also Pacer's National Bullying Prevention Center, 651 00:35:41,372 --> 00:35:44,408 and you can find them online at PACER 652 00:35:44,575 --> 00:35:47,411 dot org slash bullying 653 00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:50,548 if you are a member of the 654 00:35:50,548 --> 00:35:55,253 LGBTQIA to s plus community and you need help 655 00:35:55,253 --> 00:35:59,090 or you need someone to talk to, you can reach out to the Trevor Project. 656 00:35:59,657 --> 00:36:02,960 You can find them online at the Trevor Project dot org 657 00:36:03,294 --> 00:36:09,867 or you can call them at 18664887386. 658 00:36:10,401 --> 00:36:15,039 You can also text them at 678678. 659 00:36:15,573 --> 00:36:19,010 I'm Tim Flynn for Bruce and thank you for listening 660 00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:21,078 and we will continue this conversation next week.