Hello,

and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

Aurora. And I'm very happy to be spending some time with you

today. I hope you're doing well. I just came home from a long

winter walk. Still very cold here in Canada. So my nose is a

little stuffed up. But I think it will clear as soon as I talk

myself warm here. Yeah, today I want to talk about introverts

extra words, social anxiety alone time. I feel there's a

couple people out there who call themselves introverts. And their

nature is not really introverted. They're just

extroverts who went through some stuff and feel heard and shame

and resentment towards people. And they're kind of hiding,

avoiding and social situations they're trying to, yeah, control

the situation and

be?

Yeah,

how do I put it into words? Be very short. So I know I've been

socially anxious for many, many years. And I always like after

two hours. I always need a break from people and needed to be by

myself again. And sometimes also didn't really feel comfortable

in a group setting for me, a one on ones were always best. And I

listened to that podcast at some point where she says, You don't

really need alone time, you don't need much time with

yourself to recharge your batteries. There's a certain

amount of time that is good and healthy. But if you go over that

time, it's really a sign that you're not comfortable, being

authentic with people. And just think about it, if you could go

out there and be the person you are. When you are with yourself,

you wouldn't need much time off from people, you could be around

people all the time. Because you could be yourself. What is so

extremely exhausting, as to having to put a mask on is to

having to listen or endure situations when we could simply

set boundaries and be very clear with how we want to be

communicated with. And it was such an eye opening moment for

me. That's why I want to share it with you. When she said that

because up until then I thought yeah, I was pretty extroverted

as a child, and then I became more introverted, I had my

experiences, and they kind of shaped me so intensely, that I'm

an introverted personal and I will be for the rest of my life.

So see what I was doing there. I was letting my ego my monkey

mind rule my world, and define my behavior, my social behavior,

and let it shape me. And when I listened to that podcast, all of

a sudden, I realized, Oh, my God, this is exactly what I'm

doing. I go and meet up with friends, or I'm open to meet new

people, but only under very certain conditions. And

afterwards, I'm always so exhausted and annoyed and

resentful that I need like a three week holiday afterwards.

And then I started to notice Okay, what is it that I'm doing

that exhausts myself? That makes me feel Yeah, bad after

socializing. And I observed myself more and more and was

realizing Okay, yeah, sometimes when people over explain or

story toppings, you know, when you explain something to

someone, give them a situation and then they come with a

similar situation, and it's twice the length of your story

and you feel like okay, well, did you really listen to my

story? Or were you just waiting Your turn? And so I learn slowly

but surely to. Yeah, see these things, observe these things.

And I'm still at the point where I don't really know how to

express myself and how to tell people okay, this is something

I'm not really interested in listening. And can we talk about

something else? Or can we go for a walk now, because sitting here

and talking makes me feel kind of trapped or something. So I,

for instance, feel trapped very easily. But I used to just

relieve and find an excuse to make the conversation short, or

the meetups short. And now I just tell people, hey, I need

something else. Now, do you want to join me for bicycle ride? Or

do you want to go swimming? So slowly, but surely, it makes me

a way more social being, and it makes me feel very, very good,

because I also feel that I can be authentic and really express

myself. And the beauty of that is that people also get to know

me and know, our Aurora is not avoiding us. Aurora doesn't want

to keep us on a distance.

She just needs. Yeah, a little bit of diversity, maybe a little

bit of ADHD going on there, which is beautiful. We all need

like stimulation. And yeah, things that bring us joy, expand

our soul. And it is beautiful to see that in the other person.

And to know that the other person wants us to be part of

it. I think a lot of times, my friends felt I didn't want to

spend as much time with them. I was very secretive. And I was

and it was not that I didn't like my girlfriends, it was that

I needed a different stimulation. So if you observe

that in yourself, maybe you call yourself an introvert and maybe

I was able now to make you realize that maybe you're a

little more extroverted. And maybe you're very good with

people, yet, you are not very honest with yourself and with

them. And that's something you can learn. You can learn to be

more expressive again, and more authentic. And you will see that

it will save you so much energy and make you feel so good. A

very good friend of mine, for instance, when she invites

people to her house, she always has coffee and cake and is like

the super host. And I don't know if like I know, I don't do that.

And I couldn't do it. My friends don't expect that from me. And

that some at some point, sorry. She said, Yeah, I wanted to

invite my girlfriend. And then I told her, you bring your own

cake today. And we can only make tea and it maybe came across a

little rough. But I was so proud of her, at the same time that

she was able to set that boundary and that she

communicated to her friend, hey, I want to connect with you. I

want to see you. But I want to keep it simple. And I don't want

all that fuss around it because I'm exhausted. So can we please

keep it low key and then everything is fine. The most

important thing is that we let people know that we want to

connect with them and want to be in touch with them. And then

they should be pretty cool and lean back with whatever you got

to offer. And everybody is happy. So yeah, reflect about

this a little bit about your introverted ness, extroverted

ness and your social anxiety. Social Anxiety is a major

complex topic. I can only say that the more you know that

you're good with yourself, you know yourself and you express

yourself honestly, the better you feel, and the more you will

attract people into your life that are good for you and who

understand you. Thank you so much for listening to the

Borealis experience today. I'm your host Aurora. And yeah, I'm

just incredibly grateful. ought to be out here serving you,

giving you peace, maybe some joy, and maybe help you to get

to know yourself better and to be a happier person out there.