Nomination: [00:00:00] Hi, I'm Mary Beth Farrell and an uplifter to me is someone who wants to share their love and help [00:00:15] other people to be more accepting of themselves and loving of themselves.

Aransas: Welcome to the Uplifters Podcast. I'm Aransas Savas and I have chills all over my body because I feel so [00:00:30] excited to talk to our guest today.

I've watched her TED talk over and over. It's called The Art of Dying Before You Die. Aditi Sethi is a hospice and palliative care physician. She's an end of life doula. She's [00:01:15] the executive director of the Center for Conscious Living and Dying, and she's featured in the forthcoming film, The Last Ecstatic Days. She is an important voice [00:01:30] for shifting how we think about dying, death, and bereavement care.

Aditi, thank you for [00:02:00] joining us today.

Aditi: Thank you so much.

Aransas: most of us grow up with a lot of fear around death.

The prevailing narrative is that it's scary and scary. [00:02:15] And yet you have chosen to immerse yourself in that.

Aditi: When did that

Aransas: begin for you?

Aditi: I was a young child when I first went back to [00:02:30] India, my motherland, and I was born there, but was brought to the U. S. when I was three.

Rooted in Augusta, Georgia, in the south. And when I went back to India, I distinctly remember being [00:02:45] struck by the full range of human experience that was in plain sight. Young children begging in the streets of poverty was so present and prevalent and the elder woman that was also begging in the street and aging, [00:03:00] the dying, sitting in the streets of India and just witnessing it all.

And also the color and the light and the life and the richness of existence was all there. And [00:03:15] then I would return to the U. S. where everything felt so manicured and so in order. And I think that struck me and started me on this path of curiosity and wonder and awe. And [00:03:30] fast forward to when I was 17 and I was invited to become a hospice volunteer.

At a volunteer fair on our, on our college campus, this booth was there and I was so grateful for it. But I thought, what the heck is hospice? I'd never heard of it. And when the woman shared with me that you can learn the skills at this [00:03:45] age, you know, you can learn the skills to be present with people when they're facing death.

Would you like to learn more? She said. And I, everything just aligned and I thought, wait a second, we're going to die. Wait, what? Like, and you're inviting [00:04:00] me into this thing that nobody's talked about or, you know, so that's how it started. I became a volunteer initially in 1998.

Aransas: Wow. And did you know you were going to practice medicine at that point?

Was that an interest of yours?

Aditi: It was definitely an interest. My daughter, [00:04:15] who's 12 now, found an old journal of mine. I was fourth grade and it says, I want to be a doctor. I want to help people. Yeah. So I, and I grew up around physicians, so it wasn't shocking, but, but to remember that, that that was a calling for sure.

[00:04:30] Yeah, I did, but I, I didn't know what kind or, you know, what I would do. And I actually, in college, I was really interested in integrative medicine and mind body medicine and, And that was when it was really coming to the forefront back then. So I didn't know I would devote my whole life to this. [00:04:45] Now it's, it's changed and it's evolved over the years.

Tell me about that evolution a little bit. Throughout my medical training, I had been a hospice volunteer. I knew the sacredness really of this [00:05:00] transition and not only an individual's life, but their family unit and all of those who were part of it and going through the medical training that I did. I was witness to so many deaths that were not tended to the [00:05:15] way that I had seen done previously in the home setting, institutionalized dying.

And also I was aware of the lack of preparation on the provider's part for death and even education around death and dying and the [00:05:30] actual turning away from engaging in dialogue around death and dying. And it struck me and I knew something was not quite whole in terms of our relationship to this.

inevitable journey and inevitable experience that we're all [00:05:45] going to face and medicine is actually fighting against. So it was just the shock of, wait a second, something is not. There's something off here. So fast forward, I finished my family medicine training. I specialized in hospice palliative medicine and I landed my dream job [00:06:00] in Western Medicine, 26 bed inpatient hospice facility where, I mean, it was just so beautiful to be a practitioner there.

But a year into that, I started seeing that, wait a second, people are still coming to us totally [00:06:15] unprepared. Terrified with a lot of loose ends, things left undone that we didn't really have time to address when they're actively dying. And so then I started exploring this, this realization that, wait a second, I don't even think it's up to the [00:06:30] medical system to change that.

That lack of preparation. We were trying, but nothing had changed in my, you know, 15 years at that point of being in the healthcare system with death and dying. And that's where I started realizing there's something for me to do here. And it wasn't [00:06:45] until 2021 when I had the honor of taking care of Ethan Cicera, the young man who's in the, who's featured in the documentary, The Last Ecstatic Days movie.

It wasn't until I started, I was on that journey with him that I realized, okay, it's time to really [00:07:00] dive into death's place in our lives. And so that catalyzed me leaving my career as I knew it, founding the Center for Conscious Living and Dying and ultimately being with you here today.

Aransas: What a journey.

[00:07:15] And when you talk about that preparation,

Aditi: what does that look like? So there's the practical preparation, you know, getting your affairs in order, the advanced directives, making sure your wishes for your care of your body and spirit are known by [00:07:30] the people you love.

Aransas: And that you know what they are because it is one of the things that we avoid even thinking of to discover that we do have a preference.

Aditi: And you have choice. You have agency. You have autonomy.

Aransas: Mm hmm. [00:07:45]

Aditi: David Kessler, a prominent writer and grief worker, he says, you know, we prepare more for a weekend getaway than we do our own death. And for many, that is so true. You sit with that.

Aransas: Wow. And certainly weddings, right? Or [00:08:00] the expense and the investment and the fussing over just the right spoon.

And how strange that we don't do that for our dads. Interesting.

Aditi: Right. And that's part of the practical. And then there's [00:08:15] acknowledging what you said at the beginning that this life is precious, short. We are passing through. maybe that's more the spiritual.Existential. What do you mean you and I will not be able to do this a hundred years from now, two hundred years from now?

Where [00:08:30] will we be? Asking those big questions and really sitting with the reality that we will one day leave this physical form. And everyone we love will. And that moves into the emotional piece. Preparation of what does it mean to really let go [00:08:45] and realize that we really don't have control. We think we have control.

And I'm sitting with that personally and with some unexpected deaths that have occurred in my life in this short period of time, the last six, eight weeks. And so I have [00:09:00] prepared for anticipated death since I started volunteering for hospice and even before that. So there's the spiritual preparation, the emotional, the existential, and then the practical in terms of how do you physically deal with.

This reality, [00:09:15], when anxiety creeps up, when you experience letting go of the people that are instrumental in your life, and you no longer have them in the physical, how do you deal with the physical response to that? Physiologic experience of grief, which I'm experiencing [00:09:30] now. And that to me is where the conscious living part comes in.

My whole life has prepared me to say goodbye to my father. And it's presenced me in a way that almost nothing else could, because of our bond. [00:09:45] And so having spent some time in meditation and contemplation and having a gratitude practice So all of that has prepared me for this moment. And I come back to those tools and those practices to really be in the [00:10:00] moment with whatever emotion arises.

if it's wailing, I wail, if it's raging, I rage, I just move through each emotion and I just show up. in this moment fully here.

Aransas: Yeah, what a beautiful bit of wisdom [00:10:15] there. I know you've experienced some big losses recently and my 16 year old daughter lost her best friend last year, her only friend.

Tragically, she was [00:10:30] struck by a subway train. So it was very sudden, there was no preparation, just a little girl. And I look at that against, you know, the, The slow passing of watching my 94 year old grandmother who raised me and who's my heart [00:10:45] slowly fade and change and the long goodbye there. \ as you're saying that, I'm thinking about sort of both of those extremes.

And how the [00:11:00] opportunity, I guess, is to both be present in the moments we have with our loved ones and to be present in the love we have for ourselves as we grieve. And of course, as a mother, you know, like there's this, [00:11:15] how do we guide our children through this? How do we guide ourselves as children forever, as mothers to ourselves through this?

Aditi: Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I've spent my whole life tending to anticipated death. [00:11:30] And here I am launched into the, this initiatory space of dealing with unexpected death. And then there's traumatic death, you know, which what you speak of and that I'm a student, you know, I'll always be a student, but I'm, I'm feeling the [00:11:45] beginner's mind here.

I don't have answers of how you deal with that and the tragedy that is faced all over our planet and what humans do to humans it's beyond words really. And I think. And this is where a holistic approach to [00:12:00] tending to all the parts of ourselves is essential, not bypassing anything, just really tuning into all the layers that are present and that are needing tending to when we're faced with this.

[00:12:15] I

Aransas: think of presence as an act of acceptance of what is instead of trying to change it. And it's interesting to listen to what you're saying about the medical [00:12:30] community's role in death, which is one of trying to change it. In most cases, it is not one of acceptance. I'm curious to understand how you reconcile that [00:12:45] and what you see your role in place as.

Aditi: I think there's a time and a place for the tools that medicine has to prolong life. And when we forget that there are so many other [00:13:00] ways to support a human being apart from just the physical, then we are essentially doing a disservice in my mind to the whole person and ultimately the family. And so for my father, for example, my father was picking flowers [00:13:15] hydrangeas on a rock ledge at his house and he fell, he was picking them for my brother and his wife and he fell and hit his head.

So the traumatic brain. injury. And of course, we were going to entrust his care [00:13:30] and to the medical system to please try and save and to prolong our father's life and bring him back to a way of being that was worthwhile for him based on what he had told us and his wishes. And, and so we entrusted all the care, all everything.

I had [00:13:45] no qualms with that. It felt like the right thing to do. When he stayed in a coma for two weeks on up and the treatments were doing more harm and the interventions were having more side effects and it was clear that if he did come out of this coma, his quality of [00:14:00] life would not be what he had wanted.

He'd been very clear in his advance directives. Thank goodness. Then at that point to continue to quote unquote fight against what was present and what was, you know, felt like it would do a disservice to all of us and him. And so it went shifting [00:14:15] gears to acceptance. Okay. And it's a process. It doesn't happen overnight.

And my mom is still, my mother and all of us are still coming to terms with the fact that he's not here in the physical. It just takes time and it takes loving kindness and gentleness and [00:14:30] presence with all that's coming up, including the regret and remorse and questioning of our decisions. Like that's all here too for us to be with.

And along the way, you don't have to separate cure from care. So we brought music into [00:14:45] his healing journey while we were trying to cure. We brought aromatherapy. We brought all the modalities that would support and facilitate a healing space. And then when we transitioned to comfort, we actually brought him to the Center for Conscious Living and Dying, where he took his last [00:15:00] breath within two hours of arriving.

A rainbow emerged, the sun was setting, the community choir sang in his bedside. I mean, it was, to be the recipient of the care that we are creating here and offering to others was just beyond words. Can't imagine doing it [00:15:15] any other way. That is profoundly different

Aransas: than most deaths and most goodbyes.

What has it meant for you to have been able to give that to your [00:15:30] father and your mother and

Aditi: yourself? You know, my father always said that he was coming to Asheville, where I live, to be closer to me so that he could have a peaceful, dignified death. Having been able to facilitate [00:15:45] and support that transition, even in the wake of such grief because it was so unexpected, it feels like the greatest gift I could give him.

our family, because our whole family was held during that time. [00:16:00] And I, I truly cannot fathom how people do it any other way. When he took his final breath, he was surrounded by his family, and I was chanting to him, and he was so supported by not only [00:16:15] this nuclear family, but the whole community that came to rally around him.

And, um, One of the most poignant experiences I've ever had in community occurred after his last breath. And it involved my eight [00:16:30] year old son, Avi, who deeply connected to my father. My dad always said that he felt like Avi was a saint, you know, saintly and such a wise soul. And they just had some deep karmic bond and they loved playing ping pong together.

So that was like their thing. [00:16:45] And Avi kind of held it together when my dad crossed and he was invited into the room. He had not been present for the death, but when he, he was invited into the space, he saw my dad and he left and then went to play. My daughter apparently told me, you could [00:17:00] tell Avi was holding back his tears.

And she told him, Avi, you know, it's okay. You can cry. And at that moment, it's like you turn the faucet on and he just started weeping and wailing. And so the dear sister's friends came [00:17:15] and brought him to me. And I was still in just like this shock of the reality that my dad just took his last breath and I quickly, you know, got protective and turned towards Avi and held him.

And I took him straight to the community fire. that was [00:17:30] being held. So in this community, when somebody's in their active dying process of fasting, no longer taking in food and water, there's a fire held 24 seven based on the indigenous wisdom ways of vision quest fires, where you hold space for people who are crossing or, or, or having their [00:17:45] vision quest and you eat and drink for them so they can have a safe, comfortable journey.

So the fire was being held intended to, people were surrounding the fire. I came with Avi and I, all I knew to do is just to hold him and let him wail. And nobody came [00:18:00] and tried to fix or take care of us. They just held space. They just. We're witnessing this and a dear firekeeper, soul, family, friend, brother, started playing the flute and just played the flute the whole time while Avi just wailed [00:18:15] and wailed for probably 20 minutes.

I really don't know how long it was, but just to have that experience. And in those moments, I tell you, I was like, Oh, I'm Did I do something wrong? Is this too traumatic? Am I, is he ever going to be the same? Like a mother bear energy came in [00:18:30] and it occurred to me, Oh, this is why people don't want children to be exposed to death.

This is why we have denied death. This is why we hide it behind closed doors because it hurts. It's so painful. There's so much [00:18:45] physically released when someone crosses truly based on the depths of our love. And so to see him play the next day and just have moved through that grief and to know he was okay and he is okay was just [00:19:00] so profound and I had grown elder males, Caucasian males mainly, that said Avi was such a teacher for me during this process.

And how we held him, because I wasn't allowed to cry, I wasn't allowed to emote, but that is what it meant to have my father [00:19:15] die in this community, and all of us to be held in this way.

Aransas: I have a friend who always says, emotion is energy in motion, and so often it is stuck. And we hold the [00:19:30] emotion in and then we wonder why we feel stuck and unable to move through our experiences.

And so what I hear in Avi's story is one of allowing the emotion to be felt, [00:19:45] expressed, honored. In the moment, I'm sure he still feels a tremendous grief and loss and sadness, but rather than sort of holding them and festering them and trying to put all of our energy into hiding them, he [00:20:00] got to save his energy for processing them.

And what energy that freed up for others around him who no longer felt like the only option was to hide. I think we don't know that we have an agency and choice in how we die or how we [00:20:15] grieve, And so then we just feel all this shame about how we do these things.

Aditi: It's beautiful. Thank you for that reflection.

Aransas: One of the things that came up for me as I watched her TED Talk that I had never really [00:20:30] sat with was death as a singular experience. Most experiences to some level or another, like, I don't know, you, you go and you climb Everest. [00:20:45] And. And you could potentially most likely do that again, even though it was really huge and it took a ton of energy and investment and focus to do it.

You could climb Everest again. You could climb other mountains. There are [00:21:00] parallel experiences, but death is really the only thing we're going to do just once. the aha for me was, Oh, well, of course it should be the most special then and the most intentional because [00:21:15] we only have this one opportunity to know what that is like.

Aditi: Yeah. And to the extent that you can prepare and create an experience that reflects how you live, that's a blessing. So most of us don't even take advantage of that blessing or don't acknowledge [00:21:30] that blessing of an anticipated death. And I think, you know, this psychedelic renaissance, if you will, that's happening now.

People are actually getting to experience parts of themselves dying and, um, practicing for the ultimate release. And I, and [00:21:45] people are hungry for it. There's a yearning for it. Because you get closer and closer to that essence that may be eternal. Maybe we have done this before, many times. Yes, we died at this incarnation, this physical body, this human experience.

But what if we've done [00:22:00] this many times before? I don't know. Some would say we have. I kind of feel like we have, but I don't know. That's my sense too. Yeah.

Aransas: How do you [00:22:15] Help people prepare for that

Aditi: experience. You know, when I left my career as I knew it and founded the center, it was all about, uh, community supported death care.

The initial thought was if we can start [00:22:30] inviting people in to care for one another. In the dying experience of others, then we can start to expose ourself to this mystery and we get to see it firsthand. We don't, you know, care of those dying in the [00:22:45] hands of healthcare professionals alone, like we've done in our modern world.

So just exposure and nearness and presence with those who are dying can be transformative and can alleviate a lot of that, the mystery and fear of what the dying process is like. So that [00:23:00] alone is one way to prepare is just start to show up for people that you love and not don't shy away from it and don't shy away from the grief because so much of the time we don't know how to be with people who are grieving.

What do you say? You don't want to say the wrong thing. You don't want to retraumatize all these [00:23:15] fears that keep us from actually showing up for one another in the grief, which I'm learning. This is a whole nother realm for me to be experiencing it firsthand. What I spoke of in the TEDx is really start having conversations about our experiences and not shying away from them.[00:23:30]

And then there's so many practices for death, meditations on death, really looking at your life as it is now and where you'd want to be if you knew you were dying in three months, for example. And what would it take to get to those things? For example, I know I want to record more music and if I [00:23:45] were to die tomorrow, I would on some level, or if I knew I had three months left to live, I'd be regretting that I haven't recorded more music.

So I'm going to do that now, actually, this weekend. And so those sorts of things, like what would it take now to help you prepare practically?

Aransas: You talk [00:24:00] about small d deaths and how managing those can be a teacher for us.

Aditi: Can you explain that? With the death of my father and my dear friend Tara Dyer Gill, [00:24:15] my father's name is Kapil Sethi.

I truly feel like there are parts of me that are actually dying and reorganizing and like my whole inner landscape is shifting. And so, you know, there's, there was a certain [00:24:30] connection in the physical and, and all the realms, but a certain practical day to day connection to these people. There was, um, there was history, there were all these stories, there were all these things, attachments that are no longer here, that are severed, that are, the cords are [00:24:45] cut when somebody physically leaves.

I don't get to hear my dad's opinions of what I'm doing, you know, and so, so who am I? I don't get to play music next to him side by side and hear his voice in the physical. So there is this death of the way things were. [00:25:00] And I think that's true of any major letting go. Who is the piano player when their fingers are no longer working?

Who is the football player who can't run? I think these small de deaths, these small letting goes, these moments of surrender can teach us. Death [00:25:15] of relationship, death of a parent, I've said. Now death of a dear friend who's been instrumental for 26 years of my life, since we were freshmen in college. So, yeah, I'm in one of those transitions right now.

And we all face those [00:25:30] on our own. in many ways throughout our lifetime.

Aransas: Yeah. I mean, I'm in the process of moving to another town and what that means for our identities and personal narratives and our interactions in our [00:25:45] community. And so, I think even very happy things can, you know, Bees, small d deaths,

Aditi: having children, you know, how many of us long for those days when we could sleep in or for me, it's like having a clean [00:26:00] house.

I missed that.

Aransas: I've had to let that part of me go for a while. Yeah. If even Marie Kondo had to let go of that, I guess we all will. One of the things you talk about as well in your TED Talk is how Paula, [00:26:15] your precious beloved mother in law, was an uplifter. She was someone like pretty much every guest and audience member poured into others.

And sometimes to such a degree that [00:26:30] she neglected her own well being. And you are somebody who has been caring for others for your entire life, possibly. So I wonder what you learned from Paula's passing about how [00:26:45] you care for yourself while caring for others.

Aditi: This is such an important piece to being of service in the world, especially as a person who identifies as a woman and carries those [00:27:00] qualities of nurturing and those feminine principles that all of us have, all human beings carry, but really lives with those at the forefront, you know, the receptive parts of ourselves that are sensitive to all [00:27:15] of the energies coming at us and all the expectations of us and all the projections on us and all those things that in my experience require.

And honesty around and a constant attunement to why am I [00:27:30] feeling the need to reach out to this person? Is it out of commitment? I mean, obligation? Is it because they're expecting it? Or is it because I'm really feeling this is mine to do, to reach out to this person? And when that happens, when you're an uplifter, I love that term, when you're doing that for so many, [00:27:45] there's always a reason to.

to give, give, give. But at what point is that a detriment? And I'm in this grief journey that I've been in this last two months. I haven't been able to be all those things for all people. And in a way it's, it's accepted because [00:28:00] I'm going through what I'm going through. But I don't know if I can go back to that way.

Because with that constant accessibility and support for others, it requires me to be on my phone a lot, texting, quickly responding, always being available. [00:28:15] And I can see now, having been in the absence of that for eight weeks, what my nervous system is doing. There's a stilling, and I mentioned this presence like I've never felt, and part of that is disconnecting from all of the other commitments.

And I [00:28:30] have permission to do so, but you know, in the modern world, you have three days to take bereavement leave. And luckily I'm not in that corporate world right now, but that's all you get. And you can't really function. I mean, I, I don't know when I'll get back to any normalcy, new normal, uh, functionality [00:28:45] and productiveness, productivity.

But so all to say is I'm, it's an evolution, I think it's an ongoing exploration and honesty that we have to have with ourselves to attune to our self care and our wellbeing. What is it that I need in this moment? [00:29:00] And am I okay asking for what I need? And is it okay to say, no, that's something I've never been good at?

And I've started to really play with that. I won't meet everybody's expectations and that's okay. And that question of what is mine to do, including [00:29:15] supporting others on their grief journey through these two pivotal people. I can't tend to everyone's grief. I have to make sure I'm whole when I show up for other people.

Aransas: When we are powered by purpose, sometimes that becomes a supercharge, [00:29:30] but that also means a lot of default. Answers, which for uplifters is often yes.

Aditi: Yeah. Thank you for that question. I'll, I'll return to that question. Which piece of it are you finding the most challenging [00:29:45] personally? I've likened founding the Center for Conscious Living and Dying, a traditional nonprofit 501c3, to the birthing experience and to nurturing a newborn.

And there is an intensity. There's a There's a a [00:30:00] reality to the demands of tending to a newborn. It's inherent in being a mother. And so there is a season where there may be some imbalance. So I think, honestly, the challenges that I felt were really because of the nascency of this organization and all the demands [00:30:15] that come from not having the support systems in place and all those things.

So I'm not feeling that right now. And I think, again, that question comes in a time where I'm really in acute grief. My friend just crossed last week and I found her, she'd had a brain bleed [00:30:30] and she'd been there for a few days. And so that just, everything was in slow motion. It is in slow motion and so I am tending to myself.

I went swimming today for the first time in 10 years, swimming laps. And part of that was because I was with my mother [00:30:45] who I'm supporting her, we're both supporting each other. And so in this time of grief, there's also great gifts of slowing down and, and almost a necessity to take care of the self. But why wait till you're having a crisis or a physical ailment?

That's [00:31:00] the message I'm getting. You can't wait anymore. You can't prolong self care. We know physiologically that has impact what you said about emotions and movement. If you bottle it all up, it's going to get blocked somewhere in the physical body that I believe leads to [00:31:15] ailments. at this moment, I have no choice, but to, there haven't been many challenges other than moving through the grief with the grief.

Or the action, I'll say the little chatter of I'm not productive. I'm not getting all my stuff done. Just allowing [00:31:30] space for self care, knowing that trusting that all those things will be handled. The world is still spinning. The earth is still in

Aransas: motion. And that all those people who are picking up those pieces are learning new capability.

They're gaining a new sense [00:31:45] of purpose, being able to support this mission in new ways and to support you in ways that will only expand the potential of the center and deepen their [00:32:00] connection to you in the mission.

Aditi: Thank you for naming that. I really couldn't be doing this without the community that has come together.

This year I was really aware of how uncomfortable I have been [00:32:15] receiving love. And I had a strong intention that this year I would learn that. I would open my heart to receiving, and when I was on the receiving end of the love and care of this community, it blasted me wide open. And I [00:32:30] truly felt all, like on a cellular level, what that love is capable of doing on my physical, spiritual, emotional, psychic well being ]

Aransas: I don't know how to close a conversation like [00:32:45] this out. I guess it's a teeny tiny little D. Yeah, that's right. It's its own little

Aditi: transition. Thank you so much for this time and [00:33:00] just for creating this beautiful platform for conversations like this. I'm so grateful that I get to be with you in this moment in your world.

There's a real knowing to my core now and in my [00:33:15] bones that each moment is truly precious. Thank you Aditi for all you're doing in

Aransas: the world. Thank you for listening to the uplifters podcast. If you're getting a boost from these episodes, [00:33:30] please share them with the uplifters in your life. And then join us in conversation over at the uplifters podcast.

com. Head over to Spotify, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast and [00:33:45] like, follow, and rate our show. It'll really help us connect with more uplifters and it'll ensure you never miss one of these beautiful stories. Mmm.

Music: Big love [00:34:00] painted water, sunshine with rosemary. And I'm dwelling the perplexing, though you find it flexing.

Toss a star in half for beer around. Best love for relish in a new [00:34:15] prime land, a tree in springtime dance. With that, all hindsight, bring the sun to twilight. Lift you up, whoa, Lift you up, [00:34:30] whoa, Lift you up, whoa, Lift you up.

Lift you up.[00:34:45]

Lift you

lift.[00:35:00]

Beautiful. I cried. It's that little thing you did with your voice. Right, in the pre chorus, right? I was like Mommy, stop [00:35:15] crying. Mommy, stop crying. You're disturbing the peace.