You know, Hello, and welcome to the experience, life

coach, companion on this beautiful journey, Conclave, I

hope you're doing well. I hope you feel safe and loved and

handsome and beautiful. And if you're not feeling all too well,

at the moment, I hope I can bring you some lightness. I hope

I can make you feel less alone and help you reflect help you

gain some insights about your relationships and yourself. I'm

not making any claims to be able to heal people or anything, I'm

just here for, I want to say entertainment, meaningful

entertainment. So if you're struggling right now, with, you

know, more serious mental issues, if you're really not

feeling good, I invite you to reach out to a professional out

there because there's such good counselors and therapists out

there who are ready to help you in a way that feels good and

sustainable and where you feel understood. If you feel okay,

but you feel stuck. You don't really know you know what your

purpose is. And if you are in the right relationship, if you

work the right job, or you feel kind of numb, because yeah,

showing emotions tired you out in the past. So you decide to

become, you know, more numb to the ups and downs of life, then

I'm ready to help you. And it doesn't have to be me. But there

is great coaches out there who can inspire you empower you, and

set you on a path that feels more juicy and lively.

So

without any further ado, I'm going to dive right into today's

podcast episode. These last couple of episodes I talked

about your needs and how important it is to know yourself

and know your needs and communicate your needs. Because

I strongly believe when we don't do that our desires, our unmet

needs will come out in one way or another and usually not in

the nicest way. Because we are not creatures who can survive or

want to live all too long without having our needs met. So

people who constantly feel that their needs are not being met,

and maybe who also haven't learned to communicate their

needs, will start to feel depressed, suppressed by their

partner or family.

Those are the people who tend

to cheat and lie and manipulate. Because maybe in the past, they

learned that there is no other way to have their needs met. So

it seems extremely sorry. It's extremely important. To be

honest with yourself and to keep checking in like an inventory

check. Where you assess your relationships, you assess your

lifestyle, and you make sure that you find out in a brutally

honest way, what is working out and what is not working out

anymore. If it is your romantic relationships, and you

constantly feel that your needs are not being met, there is a

change that has to come and it's either you starting to express

in a different way that you need your needs met, or you starting

to set boundaries or leaving the situation all together. And this

isn't just for romantic relationships. This is also for

situations at your workplace or for instance, in friendships, or

with your family or acquaintances So as people you

meet on the street, you need to feel expressed, you need to feel

seen and heard. And there is no way around that in order to feel

healthy and good as a human being. And unfortunately, a lot

of us haven't learned in the past how to express our needs.

And today, I want to talk about these weird things that we do to

have our needs met. So like I said, earlier, we would start

lying, we start lying to people that we actually love and

respect. Because if we don't lie, we feel our needs are not

getting met. We start cheating, because we don't feel heard and

understood and seen by a partner. For weeks and months,

and maybe years, we have expressed a desire. And for some

reason, they don't take it seriously. Or we haven't found a

way to communicate in a way that people want to listen to us.

Maybe people are scared to hear our truth. But what I noticed

with my clients is more often than not, it is my clients being

scared to express their needs out of fear of being rejected or

looked at weirdly, you know, a child who goes through puberty

and then youngster age, has been told that yeah, you shouldn't be

crying, you shouldn't be showing emotions, you shouldn't be so

difficult and complicated. You should just conform and go with

the flow. If you hear these sentences on a regular, and

forgive me if I'm wrong, but I feel society. And the school

system tends to communicate these values to us that we're

supposed to conform and shut up. Then in adult years, in a

romantic relationships, we feel that our emotions, our needs or

desires are not valuable enough to be communicated. So we grow

up navigating through life, thinking that people just don't

care about us. People trample all over us. And we kind of

slowly but surely, slide into victim mentality. All along,

thinking that this world is a dark place, not a good place,

not a safe place. But we don't reflect about ourselves on how

we communicate our needs to the world. And maybe we do it in too

subtle of ways. Maybe we don't communicate it at all. And to

make assumptions that the other person should know what we need

is absolutely wrong. In relationships, especially in

romantic relationships, we have to, at the beginning, over

communicate, we have to be so clear with the other person

about who we are and what we need, that they truly know that

we value ourselves and that they know who we are, if you do not

take yourself serious, and do not communicate to the outside

world, how you want to be treated, which boundaries you

don't want to have violated and what your needs are. You cannot

expect anything from anybody, not even from your parents or

your caregivers or your siblings. Because we are all so

incredibly unique, unique in a in a very beautiful way, but

also unique in a very complex and complicated way. So just

imagine yourself being

a little computer with a very unique

software. And the software needs to be and needs to get updated

on a regular basis. You can't run around with your software

from when you were 13 years old or three years old. And your

software is very unique and has to be expressed and out there

for other people to see and understand. And they don't have

a manual for that software. Only you haven't, but you don't need

doesn't have that manual, if you don't do the work within and

finally get to know who you are. That's, that's really the thing

that the red line, the threat that I keep repeating, you have

to know who you are. And if you happen to cheat and lie, you

have to know why you're doing that. If you tend to manage

manipulate people guilt trip, people blame people always point

the finger at people saying that they trigger you and they are

difficult, and they don't love me, you have to start looking

into the mirror and really realizing that you are the

common denominator. And you have to find out what your needs are,

and how you want to communicate them in the future. Because what

my strongest and biggest intention is, is for you, and

five years, 10 years, 20 years down the road to look back and

to be so effing proud of yourself and of the decisions

that you made of the action you took of the boundaries, you said

of the needs that you communicate it, I don't want you

to look back and regret. I do not. And I work with a lot of

elderly people right now. The people who regret the most, or

the people who ran around in their lives on autopilot, they

were not self aware, they didn't learn their lessons. They didn't

reflect about their actions. And they just kept making mistakes

or mistakes or mistakes. And then they reach old age. And

they're super depressed, and don't even want to be here

anymore. And the people who age, I have people in their 90s, mid

90s, even who who tell me that they stood up for their values,

they set boundaries, they apologized for their mistakes.

And then again, they apologize for their mistakes. And they

learn from their mistakes. Those are the people that are happy

and content. When they reach the deathbed, I want to say so and I

want this for you to I don't want you to look back and regret

that you were living on autopilot. And it's okay to lie,

it's okay to cheat. I'm the last person who's going to judge you

on that. But it is not okay to be unaware of why you're doing

that. And to keep repeating

this safe to say self destructive

behavior because ultimately, when you manipulate when you

cheat, when you lie all this, you are doing yourself an

enormous disservice. And you're hurting the people around you.

Having these uncomfortable conversations first with

yourself and then with other people will be the fundamentals

of creating beautiful relationships. And that is what

I want for you. I want beautiful, kick ass resilient

relationships that you can count on. And the most important

relationship is the relationship with yourself. To Know yourself

to know your needs, your limits your boundaries, to know why you

have an unhealthy default system that you want to address. And

then slowly let go off. Alright, I love you so much. I respect

you so much for the work you do for the self reflection that you

have. And I'll be out there very soon again. Bye bye. Also, if

you want to meet me in person Gatestone coaching journey, join

a yoga class be the public yoga class or one on one please come

visit me at the year to experience. I'm also hosting

intimacy retreats and workshops. And yeah, I'm always eager to

collaborate and work with people together to create something

unique for people who want to experience something cool in the

forest in a yard and do something for their soul and

their mind. Until next time, bye bye. Don't hesitate to reach out