David:

[0:00] Today I'm pleased to have with me Lauren Roskilly. She is a Christian mindful coach and she aids those who are struggling with mental health issues, anxiety, depression, stress, etc.

David:

[0:11] I know as business owners we want to put this up front that we have everything together and nobody wants to admit that they have anxiety or depression but we need to face it. sometimes that happens. Anxiety and depression frequently knock at our door. We brought Lauren on to help us navigate these waters, both biblically and wisely, to help us to identify that and steps to relieve that. She has over six years of doing this, helping others, and helps many, many people navigate their mental health and get a stronger mental health position. Lauren, welcome to Redeeming Business Today podcast. Glad to have you here.

Lauren:

[0:52] Thanks, David. It's great to be here.

David:

[0:55] And so, Lauren, what is one way you believe that we can honor God in our business that others may not know about?

Lauren:

[1:05] I think, well, giving him the glory is, we were just talking about that, weren't we? We just, it's, that needs to be first and foremost. It's well for me personally doing the ministry it's not about me it's it's about him what he's doing his will his plan and his kingdom so like all those people that I work with or who listen to or use our services or products it's about them and their growth with God so just constantly bringing it back and reminding even ourselves it's easy to go down the slope of getting a little bit of pride maybe, might sneak sometimes but it's important to just completely and utterly just submit, surrender and give him all the glory because well, personally I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing if it wasn't for him I'd be doing something completely different

David:

[2:12] Sure sure very good and that that is very true it reminds me of deuteronomy 8 you know reading about israel and they said beware when you come into the land and you're very prosperous that you don't forget god and you think you did it all yourself god is the one who gave you the power to to make wealth um you think you may have done on your own but i'm the one who helped you so yeah we need to keep that in in mind very good so lauren tell me give me three or four minutes uh Tell me your journey, where you started, why you're in the mental health coaching business today.

Lauren:

[2:46] Okay, so, yeah, it's been a long, long journey, but I'll keep it succinct. So, when I was a teenager, that was my first bout of depression.

Lauren:

[3:02] And over the years, I've been in and out of depression, experiencing anxiety, self-harm, suicide, idulation. I've even attempted it a few times throughout my life and I became a Christian about 20 years ago and then about six years ago I had to re-submit and re-surrender to the Lord.

Lauren:

[3:32] Other issues I've had over my life is something called neurocardiogenic syncope. So I would just black out I would just faint and with the syncope came absolute exhaustion brain fog lots of things and I've had that for 28 years on and off I have seasons of remission which last about a year to 18 months and then come back again and I've had that like I said 28 years now so the depression comes alongside that a lot I've noticed and in hindsight I can see and I know that it's because well it's very limiting just this summer I spent nine weeks stuck in my flat I couldn't leave the flat at all um so having that it basically feels like I'm having my freedom taken away from me. My health, I can't choose. I have no control over it. And I think that's where a lot of where the depression comes in as well, because it can be seen as grief.

Lauren:

[4:47] Like having things being taken away from you, like freedom, like stop driving, just even everyday stuff. Like now I have carers in, I have an electric wheelchair if I feel brave enough to get out. So all these things contributed to my mental health.

Lauren:

[5:09] And so, yeah, I've dealt with that over the years and about six years ago the Lord brought me into ministry work and it certainly wasn't my plan it wasn't my plan at all I'd done a university degree I wanted to go into adult social care obviously with my health I couldn't and I'd said to the Lord I'd had nine days this at this about six years ago I had nine days in bed because even sitting up I would just black out sitting at the dinner table or sitting at the floor in the shower and my I was a single mum as well so my daughter was my carer and I said to the Lord what's the point in all of this I was at my wit's end and he said to me so so quietly I just heard Jeremiah 29 11 and I didn't know what verse it was so I looked it up and said I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you and a future. Now, I just want to say here that that doesn't mean that we're going to be prosperous and everything's going to be fantastic. What that means is we can have that hope no matter what we're going through.

Lauren:

[6:29] And at the time, I knew it was God saying it, and it was encouraging, but I scoffed at him, I didn't believe him

Lauren:

[6:42] And about six months later that's when the ministry started so he started with, he asked me to start blogging which was the first, which was weird because I didn't know what blogging was that was how clear it was and he basically said he wanted me to write about mental health and faith and at that time I was still I wasn't in the midst of depression but I was I was coming out of it I wasn't out of it but I was on my way out of it and I said to him that I wasn't ready and he basically said I want you to write about your story your journey um with him and with mental health so that's how it started that was six years ago so yeah and since then obviously okay let me yeah

David:

[7:33] So this is something you know firsthand then and have dealt with it and can understand people. We don't like that, but sometimes that's what it takes for us to go through the fire so we can help other people who you can see what they're going through. Because if you don't, you may minimize what they're going through. So, well, good for you. Thanks that you have submitted to God and are running with it and helping people out. So, mental health. I don't know how to—do you have a label for that? I mean, you say you want to be mentally strong, but I don't want to tell people, oh, you're mentally weak or you're out of it. Do you have a title or how you call that for people who are struggling with depression?

Lauren:

[8:21] Well, there are so many different levels of it, isn't there? Okay. It's like you've, for instance, worry and anxiety. Someone could just be worried about something. Someone might just, oh, something's on your mind. It's just playing on your mind. And then you've got the next level or you're officially worried. And then you've got anxiety you're a bit you're a bit anxious about something you're a bit nervous bit jittery and then you've got full-blown anxiety where it's debilitating so there are so many different levels on it and when I work with my clients we go through an assessment before we do anything to see where they're at to see if I can help them or if they need medical intervention and yeah and go from there okay

David:

[9:12] No i i there again i'm not the expert i didn't understand there's levels of anxiety i thought you either had it or you don't you know but okay that's like a flat tire you have that flat tire you don't have a flat tire but no um so okay so statistically what are we talking about here is this is this a, Is there a lot of depression out there, or is it just a little handful of people out there who are struggling with this? What are we talking about?

Lauren:

[9:38] Well, a couple of years ago, it was one in four people suffer with mental health at some point in their lives. I don't know the exact statistics for today's day and age, but I know that just through people that I know through this last year, a lot of people have been struggling. And it's definitely very, the statistics are very high in men, especially where it comes to suicide as well.

Lauren:

[10:14] Because unfortunately, well, you've got the stigma behind it, haven't you? And a lot of, I'm not saying this is the same for every male, but I think they struggle to talk about how they feel for whatever reason. And so mental health can be a lot higher for them as well so we need to talk about it and talk about it as much as we talk about going to the doctors for a broken arm or a chest infection it's our mind is just as important we've got our mind and body our health is includes both So we need to, where if we go to the doctor for a broken arm, we need to go to the doctor if our mind isn't right. We need to get that help and we need to, I don't want to say normalize it because I don't want mental health to be normal.

David:

[11:19] Yes, yes.

Lauren:

[11:21] But we need to be talking about it more so people are not ashamed about it. Because I think that's a big thing with mental health. People become ashamed of it. People think, oh, someone's not going to think they're strong enough or they can't cope. We worry a lot about what other people think, and it's important that we don't because, like I said, one in four people struggle. Chances are the people around you that someone's struggling with it. Some people hide it well. Most people with mental health struggle with mental health, I did well

David:

[12:00] I think when you said like a broken arm or a broken leg, that helps put things in perspective. Because if I had a broken arm and I couldn't carry my groceries and open the door at the same time, there would be people around who would be glad to help me. But I've seen it with my wife sometimes where she is sick. I mean, she feels sick, but outwardly she looks fine to me. And so I forget that she's sick. And it's like, why aren't you doing anything? Well, I'm sick. And I think that's part of what it is. We are such a visual people that visually you look fine, but you are stressed out about something or going towards depression and nobody else around you can tell. because there again, how are you doing today? I'm fine. When really you're depressed and you're not going to share that with somebody. And so, yes, I think that's very good. If we can get that in our head, that it's not something wrong with you, it's just something that happened. And now, but it's something that needs to be dealt with and we can deal with that.

Lauren:

[13:04] Absolutely. And it's like, well, there's so many different invisible illnesses. Like the question I've got, neurocardiogenic syncope is an invisible illness and it's the same with mental health it's because people can't see it it a lot of people don't quite understand it i'm not saying that's the same for everyone i i'm i'm not but um it's yeah you you don't you can look at someone say well you look fine it's like yeah yes yep glad about that yeah

David:

[13:39] I look good thank you i don't feel good Good. So for people, for owners and things like that, who might be starting down this road or struggling with mental illness or getting from the little anxiety to a lot of anxiety, what are some warning signs that they could be aware of that you are going down the wrong road and you should talk to somebody about this?

Lauren:

[14:05] Okay. Well, like we were saying earlier, we've got the different levels of worry. It's the same with depression as well. So worry and anxiety or depression, there are different levels of it. So, for instance, you perhaps have become a little more negative than you usually are. You're a lot of people in fact almost 10 out of 10 but probably nine out of 10 maybe nine and a half out of 10 people withdraw from society from their friends perhaps there's someone that has usually texts or rings you and have gone a bit quiet I mean obviously life happens people do get busy, but that usually is a sign of mental health as well. Well, it's a sign of mental health, but I'm not saying that's...

David:

[15:09] Yeah, no, I get you saying. You're going down that road when you, you know, all of a sudden you're more negative. Maybe you're usually a positive person. You're more negative. Maybe you think about it way too much than you should because I feel like a little stress is good, a healthy, a little push, but way too much is there's a, there's a line for everybody. Everybody's line is different. I think where that level of stress gets too much. And then beyond that, it's like, um, um, it's over my head and I don't, I can't deal with that. And it's probably different for everybody. Um, but it seems like if we start, We don't notice it. Okay, I know my first six months in the coaching business, midway through, I started getting depressed, but I couldn't see it. I couldn't see it until I got out of it where I was at. But because things just weren't going right, I didn't know what to do and just going forward. But I'm over that now, but that's probably the first time in my life I really experienced that. um but yeah I think in the midst of it you probably don't know is that a true statement.

Lauren:

[16:17] Oh absolutely absolutely it's like the first time well not the first time but I've had it so many times over the years but it's taken me a year and a half to figure out that I was in that space and then the time after that it was six months and then the last time it was two months you know the more emotionally aware you become the easier it becomes to recognize where you're at mentally as well and just just back to your last question you were saying about different signs and symptoms and physical symptoms can play a massive part in it and we don't realize this so if you're struck perhaps maybe tummy aches headaches unable to sleep can be a big one perhaps chest pain just different different physical symptoms can play out because of our mental health issues especially suppressed mental health issues if we're not dealing with it or we don't deal with it, then it can come out in physical symptoms.

David:

[17:35] Okay. So what are some steps we can take to become more mentally strong or mentally robust?

Lauren:

[17:43] I recommend journaling. There are lots of others as well, but I'm going to talk about journaling for a minute because that was a massive help for me. So talking to someone ideally is great. So if you've got a partner, someone you trust, a friend, someone you trust, like I said, I'm a single mum, so I went to journaling. So that was really helpful for me. And it's just a great way people think, oh, you're just writing things out. But you are getting those thoughts out of your head and onto paper. And that process of doing that can one help you to recognize how you're feeling but also it can help you to analyze but it can help you work things out like it would if you had to have a counseling or a coaching session someone it's it has that same effect it can bring that relief and release.

Lauren:

[19:02] So journaling I completely and utterly recommend. And well, for all those Christians out there, lament is just fantastic. And I don't think we talk about lament enough.

Lauren:

[19:15] David in the Psalms was, there's so many Psalms that he's

Lauren:

[19:22] There are laments written out for us already. So lamenting is expressing our heart, our deep feelings.

Lauren:

[19:35] And through prayer, it's basically a prayer of our deep feelings, how we're feeling and telling the Lord. Yes, he knows, but he wants us to talk to him. so i've learned this in the last couple of years of how to really do it it's not just talking at god it's being real with him

David:

[19:58] Sure tell me i'm struggling i need your help yes very much so no i i think that's great because i think journaling yeah like you need to talk to people but journaling is probably the next best thing because you're still getting your thoughts out as if you were talking to somebody. And sometimes for private people, it's easier because nobody's looking at you and trying to correct your problem. You're just throwing it all out there.

Lauren:

[20:23] Yeah.

David:

[20:24] Yeah. Very good. Very good. And I'm sure there's lots of other ways you can help people. And I know we don't have time to talk about them all, but that gives us a starting point anyway, recognize it and to deal with it. And so how can my audience find out more about you if they wanted to get look at one of your programs and you said you had a assessment as well they can take to find out where they're at.

Lauren:

[20:48] Yeah i tend to do that with them on okay okay on a call so every first call is free so that's chat sometimes it takes a couple of calls but that's fine i don't mind i'm flexible so yeah we're happy to do that um so if you need to find me so my website, mindfulofchrist.net you've got blog posts and articles about mental health. We've got resources on there. You've got the courses on there. You've got the books on there and all the services I offer as well. So mindfulofchrist.net.

David:

[21:30] Okay. And we'll put that website in the show notes. So in case you don't driving or something, you can't write that down right now. Very good. And so you've talked about a lot of things today if we want to summarize it up down to one thing what is one thing you like us to take action on today based upon the things that you've said.

Lauren:

[21:53] I think it's really helpful to assess ourselves and because we might be just going around through life not realizing how we are how our mental health is doing so it's good to take time out I mean do it through prayer do it through journaling and ask yourself and God how am I doing really and just just sit with that think about that because we can get so busy with our lives and And just ourselves and our mental health is usually way down on our list of things to do. It's good to check in with yourself and ask yourself, how are you doing? What am I doing today? How am I feeling? Recognizing those feels and then giving them to God. That prayer and that communication is just...

Lauren:

[22:58] We need to be in that communication and like I mentioned earlier it's it's it's a relationship he knows what we're thinking and feeling but he wants that communication with us and he doesn't just want us to talk to him it's not a monologue we need to listen to him too so so express ourselves with him talk to him and let him talk back to you as well give him space and just sitting in his presence we can do that too and that is massive especially well in any circumstance but if you're struggling with any sort of mental health then just just have those moments to pause this that verse that be still and know i'm god just just stop even if it's just for two minutes just sit there and ask the holy spirit to fill you up and just sit in his presence don't say anything don't need to do anything just sit in his presence and he will fill you love you comfort you and yeah yeah but

David:

[24:08] I want to say something but yeah lauren thank you so much for your time your encouragement today and friends that's all we have for today and i trust you've been inspired to be able to redeem your business, to redeem your time, to buy back your life and use it for God's glory. And remember that time has limits. You can't do everything, so choose wisely.