Foreign.

Welcome to the Uphill Community Podcast.

Your source of inspiration to gain clarity, elevate your standards and embrace your call to more.

Together we choose the uphil climb.

Pursuing the hard best over the easy good.

And discovering the extraordinary life waiting to be lived and most importantly, lived in community.

So welcome to the show.

I'm your host and friend Tim, and I'm so glad that you're joining me today as we are actually in the revamped this title content is very similar, but just the this podcast, formerly Blank Pages, which I'll tell you more about Blank Pages, which is the publishing in Media Group, which is my company that puts out the podcast and other things like that.

So I have to tell you about all that later on.

But anyways, today I am so pumped up because I am actually, you see, I'm wearing my Notre Dame cap if you're watching on video, because Notre Dame is playing for the national championship against the Ohio State Buckeyes.

And I hope they can pull it off.

Ohio State is a beast of a team.

Last time Notre Dame was in the national championship in 2013, they were pounded by Alabama and one Derrick Henry running back who.

Boy, man, he ran over them like they were little guys.

Like little people.

So, yeah.

So I'm hoping it'll be different this year.

And shout out to Marcus Freeman, Coach Freeman, let's do this.

And team, come on.

I'm so glad that we had that change and we have a great coach.

So, um, today's episode, I'm looking forward to it because it's building on what I'm doing in the community, the uphill community, which is always open for those who are looking to join something.

If you are trying to.

If you're a person that's saying, look, I want more out of life, I am looking to.

I'm just trying to grow.

I want to develop.

I want to go to the next level in my life.

I want to be stronger in the things that I'm doing.

I want to improve on, I don't know, any number of things.

But if.

If you.

If you want to elevate your career, your community, your life, if you're trying to go to that next level, if you want to think, learn long term, if you want to navigate your challenges with clarity and you want to be able to just, you know, do that with the right people, that's what the uphill community does.

I can help you.

We can help you do that.

So it's real simple.

Go to a browser on your phone or on your computer or your tablet and type in the uphill community and it's not too late to jump in and join in.

So it's a growing community and we, we do weekly office hours.

There's a theme that every month where we just put out or I put out what's happening and then there's an app to communicate with everybody.

Everything happens within one app, which is you're not jumping around in all these other Facebook pages and all this other stuff, just one app.

Everything's there.

The replays, livestream, everything happens there.

Any kind of curricular course stuff, the chatting with the community all happens inside the app.

So would love it.

If you want to check it out, you're welcome to.

We do a little questionnaire to see if it's a good fit and if it's a good fit, come on in, be a part of it with us and grow with us.

So anyways, that is something that you can check out and I'm so happy about it.

But the podcast that I'm doing today, I just feel it's so important that this topic is what we're doing in the community.

But it's also something I believe I want to put out into the regular world.

So what you'll notice is if you are in the community, those who are listening, who are my community members or part of the uphill community, they're going to go, oh yeah, we're talking about this.

So there's a different version of what we're talking about.

This is me kind of giving you an overview, but it's real relevant and why not just talk about the stuff that you're talking about?

I don't need to come up with new things all the time.

I mean, I like doing the deep work.

So that's what I'm doing.

I'm in this vein.

And, and if you're lost, don't worry about it.

The topic will make sense when I talk to you about it.

Okay, but if you want to do more than just this podcast and listen and you really want to grow and do what I was talking about, you really want to refine, get some clarity, raise standards, embrace your call to and for more the uphill dot community, that's what you have to do.

If you want to follow me, you can follow me on LinkedIn.

Just Tim Pecoraro, that's T I M P E C O R A or on Instagram.

The Instagram, you can go and find me at Tim Pecoraro, go to my bio link.

You can find all the things that I have Going on, join the newsletter that I have, or you can find the community there as well.

So, yeah, and of course, Monday.

Monday.

Monday is coming and I can't wait for the national championship.

And again, I am on fire for Notre Dame and I want them to win.

So today's topic.

So what I've been talking about in the community is this whole thing, and there's a great book by Dr.

Henry Cloud.

I recommend anyone read it.

It's the Four Corners.

So it's about people and Four Corners and Four Corner relationships.

And you have bad connection or you have no connection, Bad connection, pseudo connections and true connections.

These are basically the overview of these four corners.

But I also believe in these circles, right?

You have an inner circle, and then I have what I believe is the in between circle, and then you have the outer circle.

And so what I'm going to do is I'm going to talk to you a little bit loosely with the reference of the four corners, but around those circles and just why they're so important.

Okay?

So I just want to get into this topic that I believe will help you as you're navigating life.

So you're at the beginning of the year.

It's not even the middle of January.

Well, we're just past the middle of January.

But a lot of people have already given up on things.

A lot of people are wondering what tomorrow looks like.

A lot of people are just hoping for the spring and the summer, believing for some new fire and relationship or life to come.

They're waiting for magic to come.

Well, for me, I'm.

I'm sitting here and I'm going, so it's the wintertime and things are dormant.

And then when the spring comes, everything that I've planted prior should come out.

That's the.

Where my mind is.

So the people that are working with me in the community that I'm in, I'm getting them ready to obviously be ready to receive.

But it's also their planting.

They're getting their stuff ready, ready, their seeds ready, that they're going to be planting throughout the year.

So when they go through the blossoming and the budding of what's coming out, they're going to go through that wonderful time.

They're going to go through the.

The floral and the sunshine of summer and the joy and the laughter.

And then as they move out of that into the autumn, into harvesting, and then they go into that dormant stage, that's where things rest.

You reset and ready to do it all over again.

Right?

So there's these seasons and relationships are like that.

And so I've written down just to keep myself disciplined.

I've got, I've got so many different notes that I try to help myself really follow because I get so excited and obviously when I do more of a keynote and things like that, it's, you know, you get very disciplined.

You have this little window.

But on this, I love this because it's conversational, it's just talking.

And what I want is for you to have.

I don't want to be a barrier because I'm so excited, but I'm going to give you the point points, I'm going to give you all this stuff, but I also want that freedom to, to just be real and, and sometimes things will just pop up as I'm talking about them or they come out and even though I've written it down, just, I love leaving room for some interpretation or some new revelation while I'm talking.

Okay, so this topic, this for me is foundational.

This topic is foundational for any kind of relationship area of your life.

So it's, it's not just any relationship though, it's any type, but not just any relationship.

So the ones that I'm talking about are the ones that will shape our well being and our growth and our success.

Okay, so that's, that to me is different.

It's the well being, the growth and the relationship that I want.

I want to know what are the areas of my life that I can succeed in and where I can truly grow and truly see success in my life.

That's what I'm ultimately looking for.

What are those areas?

So how can I grow?

Who can I grow with?

What?

What can make a relationship better?

What can make it more successful?

Like these are the questions that I always want to know.

So have you ever felt overwhelmed though by the people around you?

Have you ever felt that?

Have you ever felt, you know, unsure of, of who to lean on or, or where to invest your time and your energy?

So that's where understanding your relation relational circles are going to come in.

Okay, so today what I want to do is I'm going to explore how to categorize these relationships.

And that's basically what I'm doing.

So there's the inner circle, it's the in between circle and then the outer circle.

And why this understanding is crucial for living a fulfilling life.

So this concept that again what I'm doing is I'm, I'm, I'm building from the Four Corners framework of Dr.

Henry Cloud's book, which I told you, I think is great for you to read, but it also helps us to identify whether our relationships support us or they're holding us back.

Right.

So let me see if I can get my screen here to cooperate.

I have a couple of items here.

Let's see.

There we go.

All right, so let's go over part one.

All right, I'm going to get started.

So here's part one.

It's the overview of these circles.

So I'm going to give you a simple, what are each one?

Or how am I seeing them?

And how would I like for you to look at them?

All right, so here's the big picture.

This.

I want you to think of these relationships of falling into the inner circle.

Then there's the in between.

So you have the center circle, and then you have this in between the inner and outer is the in between circle.

And then there'd be the outer circle.

So you have one circle and then you'd have this other circle.

And in the middle, like the white wall tire, almost a tire, where the wall of the tire is, that's the inner circle.

Okay, so.

Or the.

Sorry, the in between circle.

So let's talk about the inner circle first.

This is where your closest, most trusted relationships live.

These are the people you can rely on no matter what.

I know people say they're the ride or dies, right?

I agree with ride or die.

I've had a lot of people say, hey, I'm a ride or die, and I'm with you, and.

And when it came time to ride and or die, they weren't even available.

Okay.

So many people can say things.

Just because they say that they will.

Will go along doesn't mean they're going to come along and they're not going to be there with you.

So you find those types of things out.

Now, it's just.

Remember now, it's not that they may not want to.

You got to make sure you put things in proper context.

Some people may not be coming along with them because maybe you've taken advantage of them, you've hurt them, you've done some things.

They can't count on you.

They can't trust you.

I mean, who knows what all the reason is?

But you can't just say that.

Well, because they didn't go my way.

They weren't inner circle people.

Right.

Remember, I just want to get clarity.

Let's focus on you and the people that you're seeing that you're calling inner circle.

All right?

These are the people you can rely on no matter what.

All right, Second area, or the circle is the in between circle.

So these are the relationships that are meaningful.

You ready?

But they're not as intimate.

So these are, to me, the relationships that are, that are developing.

They're either they.

They've shifted over time, right?

Maybe.

So maybe they were inner circle and they've shifted to in between, or they were outer and they're coming into the in between.

So that's what you're doing.

You're.

They're still developing.

Are they developing in or are they developing out?

And then the third is the outer circle.

So this is the space for those casual connections.

People you might enjoy, people you enjoy, but you don't have a deep emotional bond with them.

You're not really connected down that low.

Okay, so why does that matter?

Let me tell you why.

Because not all relationships are created equal.

All right?

I just, I have to stress this.

And when we fail to organize or prioritize those relationships, we're going to risk burnout, we're going to risk feeling unsupported, we're going to risk being disconnected.

Because true connection, the type that we find, like what I'm talking about in the four corners.

Remember, there's no connection, bad connection, pseudo connection, true connection.

A true.

A four corner, four person in a corner, four relationship is a true connection relationship.

So true connection is what I'm looking for.

And that's the type we find in the corner four relationships.

But it's rare.

It's very rare.

But it's absolutely essential for an inner circle.

Let me take a sip of my tea.

I am drinking a lavender tea today, and I think it's got.

And with some immunity in it.

Ah, so good, so good, so good.

So let's go a little further into the inner circle.

All right, so we're going to talk now.

We did the.

The inner circle, the in between circle, the outer circle.

So now what we want to do is we're going to dive into the inner circle.

And, and to me, which is the sacred circles, okay?

It's the sacred of circles.

So these are the people that you let into your innermost world, okay?

They are your corner four connections, your true connections.

And they challenge you, they support you, and they see you at your truest self.

And here's how you can recognize them.

So I'm going to give you three things that help you know that you have a true inner circle person.

They listen, and they sit with you in your struggles.

So when life gets hard, these people show up.

And not just Listen, but they stand by your side and they help you through the thing.

Okay, here's another attribute or quality of this person.

They hold you accountable and they challenge you to grow.

So your inner circle relationships push you and you become better without.

And they do that without tearing you down, though they make you better, they don't tear you down.

Another attribute that the inner circle connection has is they embody values that you admire.

So these people, they have integrity, okay, that's like a big deal.

Like if I don't know how much integrity matters to you, but they have integrity, high standards, and they're, they're responsible, they're faithful, they're honest.

That's inner circle.

But here's the catch.

Not everyone belongs in your inner circle.

There's the surface level relationships.

There are people who will drain your energy, or those who don't align with your values, they should not take up that precious space.

So protecting your inner circle is essential for your emotional and mental well being.

If you're listening, I hope you say to myself, oh my gosh, I want inner circle.

Hope you're thinking about who are those inner circle people?

And if you've got people in the inner circle, should they be in the inner circle?

Okay, so now let's talk about the in between circle.

The in between circle.

These are the relationships that are closer than casual, but not quite inner circle material.

They may be in transition or they may still be developing.

Okay, so, so here's what to consider with the in between circle.

Some relationships, okay, are growing closer.

So for example, that's, here's an attribute.

It's growing closer.

Some of these relationships, they're getting closer.

It's like a mentor or friend that you're building trust with.

You're building trust, not making them earn it.

You're building trust together and you're, you're hoping that it's going to move toward an inner circle relationship over time.

You're doing it with that in mind.

I'm working to build trust to move this toward inner circle.

Then you have the relationships that have shifted in the in between circle.

Maybe someone who was once in your inner circle, right, has taken a step back due to some distance that's been created or some life changes, or something's happened, but it's distant, something has happened, there's a change.

And then in there, there's the relationships that provide valuable counsel inside the in between circle.

So these are the people who occasionally share meaningful insights or support, but they're not a part of your everyday life.

So they're giving insights, they support, but they're not a part of the everyday.

So the key here, though, in the in between circle, is discernment.

And here's what you need to, you need to focus on.

Are these relationships moving closer to your inner circle or are they naturally transitioning to the outer circle?

Either way, clarity about their role is important because they're in the middle there.

They're in the middle.

So I would rather know what's on the inner in the outer.

Right.

That's what I want to really, really know.

And what's in the middle I want to pay attention to so that I can see where they're going.

So I try not to have a whole lot of people in the in between circle.

I like to know that they're either inner or outer.

Okay, all right, outer circle.

We're almost there.

Friends.

Lastly, let's talk about the outer circle.

All right, so the outer circle, these are your casual or situation relationship.

Situational relationships.

They're people you enjoy spending time with, but you aren't deeply connected to them.

So here's some examples to include.

All right, so say you play softball with some sort of league.

You're an adult, you play, you have work, companies have softball teams.

So friends from a sports team or a hobby, right?

Or a hobby group, maybe you have, you throw darts.

I have a friend that lives in Charleston.

They throw darts.

She's very, very good.

Competitive dart thrower.

I just found out, by the way, a little side bar.

So there's soft darts and then hard tip darts.

And I didn't even know that.

So I, I mean, there's a whole world of things I just don't know about.

But I thought that was really cool hearing that information.

So then there's acquaintances.

So you got friends on sports teams, hobby groups.

Then you have acquaintances from work or some social events.

And then you also have members of a shared community, like church, right?

They're in your shared community.

You go to church, you see them, they're there.

Or fraternity.

Think about that college, Maybe it's a fraternity.

Maybe you've graduated colleges, people you've known for years.

And it's a fraternity.

It's connection.

So here's the thing.

Those are really good connections.

And these connections, they're valuable because they add variety, right?

They add variety in a sense of community to your life.

Here's the big however, they're not the people you turn to during life's deepest challenges.

And it's important to appreciate these relationships for what they are without over relying on them for your emotional support and accountability.

And here's what I see.

Too many times, there are too many times that people have deep inner circle relationship needs and they're out in the outer circles of life doing social events and activities and they're hurting themselves.

They're getting hurt or they're wondering why they're not getting anything deeper than the surface in relationship.

It's because they are put in the wrong spots, they're in the wrong place.

Look, I see people at church all the time doing Bible studies and all these things.

They come in, they sing all this stuff.

But would you go confess your sin to some of these people that you're supposedly sitting with?

What about these people that.

I mean, just in life in general, you're going through a hard time.

You got to tell something about something very difficult.

Who are the people that will stand with you, hold that and not make noise over it and make trouble over it, and won't abandon you because of whatever you're dealing with or what you're going through?

That's important to find.

And again, you can't just dump that on anybody.

And it's important for you to recognize it.

I know a lot of people who literally think they have very, very close relationships.

And as soon as they reveal the ugly thing about themselves or something that's going on, it's amazing how people backpedal or they're always there for so many other people.

They're always there to be the inner circle for someone else, but they can't find the inner circle back to them.

That's hard.

That's real, though.

But the more you start understanding this for yourself, the inner, the in between and the outer, it does something inside of you because you begin to attract what you are.

And if you feel out of place in an outer circle situation in all these social events, and you're one of those who wants real, meaningful connection.

You don't need to judge everybody in the outer circle because that's where they are and they can't help it.

Not everybody's meant to be in the inner circle.

But instead what you want to do is, in those conversations that you're having, test the water a little bit with an outer circle thing.

Put something out there that gets a little bit more meaningful.

I mean, beyond politics, you know, ask questions like, hey, what, you know, what quickens you?

What gets you so energized?

What is something that would get you to, I don't know, make major life changes over.

So in a social context, you'll find out based on that answer.

If, if you are, if there's someone that you enjoy talking to and you kind of deepen the conversation with a more weighty question, you'll hear an answer and a response.

And based on that response, it can help you know what's going on there without you putting yourself at risk or sitting there feeling like nobody here can get below the surface.

Right.

So you want to know how to do that.

So some of you might be going, I'm at ground zero.

I got to start from scratch.

I don't have anyone in my life.

I'm hoping you'll listen to this so that at least you can have some criteria of understanding what it is that you're looking for.

Now, here's what I want you to avoid, though.

I want you to avoid missed, placed, or misplaced connections.

So before I wrap up, here's what I mean by here's some common mistakes, misplacing relationships in your circles.

And here's what I mean.

Just because someone shares close space with you, like a teammate, coworker, a fellow church member, it doesn't mean that they are a corner for connection or a true connection and that they belong in your inner circle.

You may be aligned on your beliefs, but it doesn't mean that you're going to be at that depth of level to align in that personal connection.

And here's the other thing.

When you allow corner two people, which are like bad connection and three connections, corner two and three are your bad connections, and pseudo connections are sort of there.

Those people are going to drain and distract you and they're going to take up your inner circle energy and space, and it can be very harmful.

So you've got to look at what types of relationships are in you.

So if you have no connection at all, those people should not be in your world.

If it's a bad connection or a pseudo connection, you need to figure out where that relationship is in the in between circle and decide whether to move it in or move it out.

Okay.

Because not everyone qualifies for the level of closeness that you need.

Now, you may want to be close to everyone you know, but not everyone qualifies.

I caution you to be careful.

So I'm hoping that you have a better understanding of these circles, inner circle, in between circle and outer circle.

And with that, I want you to reflect and take some action.

So I'm going to give you some action points to do here.

Here are three things.

Number one, I want you to ask yourself, who is in my inner circle and do they Meet the criteria of a true connection or the what I believe is true connection.

You need to understand, set that criteria.

Figure it out.

What does it mean?

Does that mean they're good communicators?

They communicate at a heart level.

They're honest.

Like, think about your core values.

What is it that you need from that person in that relationship?

And will they be there for you as you are there for them?

And it's okay to not.

Don't assume those things you have.

If they're really an inner circle person, you'll be able to have that conversation.

The next question I want you to be able to ask yourself is, are there people in my in between circle who could move closer?

Or are there people in my in between circle that need to move further away?

And that's a big one.

So I mean, sit down.

I mean, literally draw three circles, a center circle, and then draw a big outer circle.

And in between the inner circle and then the outer circle, that's the in between.

What's in the middle and then on the outside, that's your outer.

Then you have the in between and then you have the inner.

And then here's the last question I want you to ask yourself.

Am I appreciating and maintaining healthy boundaries with my outer circle?

That's a big question.

Something you should always ask yourself.

Am I appreciating and maintaining healthy boundaries with my outer circle?

So as we wrap up, I want you to keep this in mind.

Remember, your relationships are one of the greatest resources that you could ever have to me in my life.

The way I view it is, and this is, as a believer, that God sent his son and Jesus Christ died on the cross for everybody.

And he has given.

If he's willing to pay with his life for everybody, that must mean that is the most valuable and precious resource that he has.

And he's leaving that with us.

So let's take care of that.

Let's be better with it.

That's the greatest resource.

So I want you to take some time to evaluate where people fit in your life.

And I want you to commit to nurturing true connections.

I want you to protect your inner circle because it's the foundation for your thriving life.

Ah, man, I love it.

This stuff means so much to me.

I want to thank you for spending time with me today having this conversation.

And if you found this information helpful, hey, share it with someone else who could benefit from reevaluating their relationship.

Even sit with the relationships that you have and walk them through the inner, the in between and the outer.

Talk about that.

Work on it together.

Because true connection is rare.

So I want you to cultivate it with care and intention.

So until next time.

We'll talk soon.