The Dalai Lama said, sleep is the best meditation.

Well, for many of us, in fact, 40 million Americans have us

that form of meditation is really hard to master. Do you

also have problems sleeping, you may know this phenomenon, so you

are ready to turn in the days then. But just the thought about

going to bed already makes you anxious and nervous. Because

there's too many times when you were just laying awake, tossing

and turning or trying to be still because you didn't want to

wake up your loved one. And just struggling and fighting and not

knowing what to do because you just couldn't fall asleep, or

you wake up after a couple of hours. And then at one or two

o'clock in the morning, you cannot fall asleep. And all

you're thinking about is why why cannot sleep, what's wrong with

me, tomorrow gonna be a horrible day, I will never be able to

perform or do what I need to do. Because I don't get enough rest,

I feel more and more miserable. This is not a way of living, you

know, that mind spiral that you probably have been dealing with

if you have been struggling with sleeping for a long time. And at

some point, you don't want to actually go to bed because it's

almost like you have developed a phobia to your bedroom, or to

sleep itself because it's just the excruciating, painful

experience every night, sleep becomes your nemesis. And your

bedroom becomes a torture chamber and you just don't want

to go there anymore. But you also don't know what to do. And

I completely get it because I had sleep issues, especially

when I was in my early teens when I went to high school and

really got in trouble for bad grades and a lot of pressure was

put on me to improve my you know, scholastic performance, I

could not sleep in front of a tab before a test I was again

tossing and turning and turning just so scared of if I don't get

enough sleep, I will not be able to answer the questions in the

test and they will have another bad grade and I will get another

another rundown from my mom. And the only thing that helped was

my cat, a big 30 pound cat called lumpy because it was

really lumpy. That cat could sleep anywhere I could have

placed it on Time Square and it would have just fallen asleep.

So I took the cat put it at the end of my bed. And I just felt

so much more comfort by hearing it snoring and breathing and

just being completely still. Somehow I was able to find that

as my gateway to sleep and lumpy didn't mind apparently. Well not

everybody has a lumpy and actually not everyone likes

cats. So what do you do and that's what I want to help you

with today I want to help you to change your mind around sleep so

that you're not so afraid of it anymore. And that sleep becomes

more something that you feel empowered with than a topic

where you feel hopeless or helpless about and for that I

want you to focus on three different aspects that I find a

really crucial for sleeping. One is the environment and the

habits we have when it comes to sleeping. The other is the

physical body. And the third of course, the the mental emotional

part of us. What can we do on all three levels to really

improve our sleeping? Let's think about sleep differently.

The I think a lot of people feel sleep is similar to anxiety,

something you know really difficult to grasp. It either

comes or not it's there or not. And you never really know. Now

well you don't want to have anxiety attack you you would

love for sleep to comment, but it feels very much random and an

obscure.

So what I want you to imagine is sleep being a friend, just like

shoe Baron, the French writer said sleep is a friend.

Sometimes you know the friend lead says waiting but sleep is a

friend that comes every night and it's our job to create a an

environment so spatially, but also physically in mentally and

emotionally, so that sleep has an easy time to arrive. And

feels welcome. Because after that you don't really feel like

sleep is, is, you know, again, something that you have to

either chase after or wrestle down. It's more like an

invitation. And we can make that invitation every night. And

every night, you can feel like, yeah, sleep is actually

something that comes naturally. Because the fact is, sleep is

natural, it is as natural as knowing that you're gonna have

another breath, that once you exhale will be followed by an

inhale, or it's as natural as your heart keeps on beating, and

you don't have to control it, you don't have to focus on it,

it just happens. And that's the same with sleep. So sleep will

come, you just sometimes chase it away. I have chased it away

plenty of times, because I put too much pressure on myself. And

you may have chased it away in other ways, like, for example,

with your environment. The other day, I asked a client to show me

her bedroom, because she talked about she wants to create more

order in her life. And when I asked her she really blushed and

said oh, well, yes, but there's usually nobody coming into my

bedroom. So it's it's kind of cluttered. Definitely a little

understatement. But the problem is, there is somebody coming,

and that is sleep. And of course you know you are coming into

your bedroom. So see your bedroom as the reflection and

how you want to feel when you go to bed. Look at your bedroom as

a Zen temple, that is easy for you to relax, because everything

that you have laying around all the clutter, all this you know,

the books and the underwear, and whatever you find is something

that your your mind gets stimulated by, it's a trigger,

your mind sees those things, and somehow it doesn't feel relaxed,

because there's really nothing to do. It feels like Oh, I

should do the laundry. Oh, I maybe I want to read this book

again. Oh, what is that I don't even know what that is, oh my

god, I have like old food here laying around. You know, that is

where your mind goes. And that's why the environment is so

important to be relaxed and Zen. I find it also important when

you think about the environment to have it of course in a

bedroom, equipped with a nice bed, nice pillow is good

mattress, have your windows hopefully, nicely shot and

darkened so that there's not too much light coming in. Try to

have either something that cancels out the noise. Or that

you have a little sound machine or something you can put into

your ears because quietness and darkness are just that natural

gateway for sleep to come. And then also make sure that you are

creating maybe a little ritual in your environment, I like to,

you know, have a nice little lavender oil scent, either in a

diffuser or in a spray, lavender relaxes you. And for me, it's

always a reminder of the prevalence. And that's you know,

where I feel home. And it's also good to have a little candle

maybe lead before you go to sleep as a sign to know now it's

this moment to unwind or you have a fountain and you're here

this is water, just nicely calmly splashing, all of those

things are reminders for yourself. Okay, I am now winding

down and going to bed. So that's the environment. That's

something that's very simple, right? I mean, you can easily do

this. Now, how to prepare your body for sleep to visit you.

First of all, if you cannot sleep chronically, it's always a

good idea to go to your doctor. And check out if there are any

underlying physical issues like a thyroid issue, or you have an

allergy or maybe you have asthma or you have reflux. I mean,

there's a ton of physical problems that can prevent you

from sleeping anemia, for example, or maybe you're into

menopause. Nothing really that cannot be resolved, but it's a

good idea to check it out. Also really think about your body as

something that naturally loves to sleep. I mean, you know there

is just a desire for the body to rest it needs it just to you

know the patient parasympathetic nervous system is necessary for

healing for filling up our batteries for restoring energy.

That's what happens when we are resting and sleeping. So the

body naturally does it, but we are usually pushing against it.

So if you feel like many of the French people here, it's a good

idea to drink an espresso right before you go to bed and then

wonder why you cannot sleep? Well, it's pretty obvious or

during the day, and then when you're just feeling like you,

you have to somehow get energy back with energy drinks, or any

kind of stimulants. And at night, then you feel okay, I

gonna wind down with some heavy alcohol or smoking some weed or

anything else, it's not really helping your sleep rhythm, it's

all kind of getting to 180 kilometers or miles an hour and

then wanting to go to full stop. And it's very jarring for your

body. And especially when it comes to drugs and alcohol, it

prevents you from really getting into this deeper REM phase,

which is the the dream phase. Actually, it's not the deepest

phase of sleeping, but it's a very important phase of

sleeping, rapid eye movement, sleep. Often, when we do take

drugs, we just skip it.

And then, you know, this is where our mind, especially our

subconscious does all the dumping, and forgetting of the

day, if you haven't been able to dump this out, then you're

naturally feeling not very rested, you feel still as if you

had worked all night long. And so it's not the same result as

if you have a natural occurring sleep forcing, it doesn't really

work that well. Dehydration is also something that your body

often really responds with some kind of lack of sleep or lack of

rest. So what you can do is drink enough water and not any

other substances. And make sure that you are relaxing your body

getting your body ready. an acupuncturist once told me when

I was pretty stressed about, you know, my business and my book

that I just finished at that time, he said, you know, the

best thing you can do is just take a shower at night, you

know, maybe at the end, you just turn the water and the warm

water off and just have 10 seconds of cold water, which

really works well. And imagine that as you take the shower, all

the stress and all the gunk of the day is washed off, has

worked like a charm, beautiful thing. What happens is when you

have cold water, whether you know, not everyone likes to have

a cold shower, but whether it's a cold shower, or you're just

dripping cold water on your wrists. Cold water stimulates

that Vegas nerve, which is the main nerve of the

parasympathetic nervous system, this relaxation part of the

autonomic nervous system. It's a counterpart to the sympathetic

nervous system, which is all about fight and flight and

stress. So to stimulate this, any cold water, the feet, the

legs, the rest, even drinking a glass of cold water or having a

cold shower. All that stimulates the parasympathetic nervous

system and automatically gets your body more ready to rest.

Another way to stimulate stimulate this parasympathetic

nervous system is by tapping above the upper lips, or gently

pulling on your ears. You know, just like for five, six seconds,

the beautiful feeling actually feels really nice and it does

relax your nervous system this this part that really is

necessary for us to go into that sleep state. humming works to

stimulate the Vegas chanting on scientifically proven stimulates

the vagus nerve, the parasympathetic nervous,

parasympathetic nervous system, it's a tongue breaker and

ultimate sizing your feet, which my wife is so good at, she can

massage your feet and just you know, get totally blissed out.

And that's how she really gets into that relaxed state. Another

one is breathing. Of course, if you're breathing slow, Andrew

Weil has developed this 478 breathing where you inhale for

four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four

seconds, inhaling through the nose, exhaling through the mouth

with a little sound. It also really works very well because

it calms your entire system down. And lastly with a body

what I think is also nice Is this progressive relaxation,

where you're tensing up certain parts of your body, you know,

you tense up your shoulders, and then you relax them, or you

tense up your hands for five seconds. And then with the

exhale, you relax them, all of those can be anchors for your

mind. I mean, for your body and your mind, that this is now

clearly the time for us to create the landing pad for

sleep, to visit us. I don't want to promote any, you know,

product here, but one thing I really love, and you might want

to check it out, because I certainly benefit from it a lot.

It's called the dodo, it's this little blue light that shines to

the ceiling. And you can breathe with with a light as the light

gets brighter in size, you know, for a period of six seconds, and

then it gets dimmer for a period of six seconds. That also, for

me, is Justin super nice anchor, it took me a couple of weeks.

But now, you know, at the beginning, I was following the

light for five, six minutes, now, it's a three, four breath,

and I fall asleep. So in other words, we can make our mind

ready

to unwind, and to be that inner environment, this physical

environment for sleep to come. And then of course, the mind,

you know, that's the one that struggles the most, especially

if you had trouble sleeping and, and just seeing sleep no longer

as something that you know, is deprived or you're deprived from

or is something you have to fight with. But really seeing it

as a natural friend that comes to you can take the pressure

off. A lot of people that are not able to sleep, including

myself, the problem is not sleep, when asleep is in some

ways, you know, a symptom, when we are not able to sleep there

is a symptom of something we are doing, or something that happens

during the day. And, you know, if you would eat a big

cheeseburger, you probably you know, don't want to go to bed

right away, because maybe you would feel some indigestion. And

if you think about what we are doing with our mind, before we

go to bed, it's sometimes similar, right? It's like, okay,

I want to wind down so I just gonna watch another CSI or a

walking dead or whatever it is, and stimulate my mind with

tension or stressful situations. Of course, it's entertaining,

definitely is a nice distraction from whatever happened during

the day. But your mind who takes especially the subconscious,

everything literally and in some ways, everything personally, for

your mind, you have been just fighting zombies or resolving

crimes or getting away getting away from from a murderer. It's

not very relaxing environment. Same thing if you go and, and

check on social media, because you're thinking, well, that's

gonna definitely wind me down. Well, your mind is looking at

other people's lives. And there's definitely a part of

your mind that says, oh, their life is so much more

interesting. They have so much more fun. It's so much more

colorful. They are also much thinner than me what's wrong

with me, you know, yourself, I know myself. So it's not

necessarily what the mind needs to realize, Oh, I'm safe, I can

relax, I can let go. Because for asleep to come, we have to have

our mind in a set point of surrendering, letting go and not

looking at anything complicated or anything that doesn't seem in

our control or is too stimulating. So at least 60

minutes before you go to bed, no screens, no screens, TV, phone,

pad, whatever, no screens. Instead really be present. Be

present with your cat, your dog, your children, your beloved,

your pillow, whatever you want to do, you just got to be

present and you are using this as a winding down. It's you

know, mentally emotionally. Most of us are 70% of the day not in

the present moment. Like we are swirling like little helicopters

through our lives and and never really touched ground. So these

60 minutes, get you back into your body, get you back into a

place of centeredness and rootedness. And then you

naturally feel more open to receive sleep because your mind

So let's go. Now, there are, of course, also phenomenons like

this one that I found super interesting. It's called sleep

procrastination. And that's when we are not wanting to go to bed.

11 o'clock midnight, we just feel like oh, we're just, you

know, starting the day, I was working all day long. So I want

to have a little fun, or I'm just a night owl, that's who I

am. Well, it's not necessarily the case, what happens often is

that we are so in task during the day, we are working

so much for something or someone and don't have enough fun that a

part of us is just says, What about joy? What about just

letting loose, what about living a little. And to counter that,

basically, or what this part is doing, basically, it's just

keeping you awake at night, because it feels like this whole

day was so long and so boring and so hard. So let's, you know,

enjoy the sweetness of life a little bit. And if you want to,

you know, work through this kind of sleep, procrastination, which

can be quite an issue, especially when you get this way

out of the natural sleep rhythm, because you overriding your

desire to sleep and stay up longer than you need. And then

the whole rhythm is screwed up. Try to have a little fun during

the day, just realize, Oh, I got two tents, I got too serious, I

was just not even realizing that I hadn't eaten in eight hours, I

totally ignored anything that you know, was maybe more

meaningful than the job I was doing. I didn't listen to you

know, someone calling me and talking to me about what's

what's going on in their lives. I didn't even you know, notice

that it was already time to go home, I'm still here sitting at

the desk. And whatever it is, just realize that kind of

procrastination that also can lead to insomnia has basically

the message for you that you have to find a little bit more

balance in your life, and not be so on achiever and overdrive

mode. And that's the same. When you are not able to sleep there

is a there is usually a message behind it. And for me

personally, it was about pressure, I put way too much

pressure on myself, I really believed that I can only find

love from my parents or get appreciation from them. If I get

to be the best in class. And that pressure from not being the

best in class by far was just overwhelming. And a lot of

clients that I'm working with at half sleep issues, tell me that

their thought is about that they cannot really be there for

others, my family doesn't really benefit from me when I'm tired,

my job performance will slack off. Or I'm just not you know

good anymore for you know, my friends because I don't want to

go out anymore because I'm just too tired. So they're thinking

about this performance idea that life is a performance and they

put a lot of pressure on themselves to perform. And if

they cannot perform because of sleeping, the pressure only

mounts because they're feeling they have to do it now and this