Electronic Walkabout no one should have to walk through life alone. We share the good times, the bad times, and the best times. Everyone needs a little direction now and again. And TC and Mad Dog are here to show you the way. A podcast where we talk about the important things in life. Come journey with us. The Electronic Walkabout Well, Mad Dog, hard to believe that we are in December of 2024. It's almost time to say goodbye. 2024. Where'd the year?

Dunno. Going out as fast as it came in.

Oh, and then I'm afraid to say that maybe 2025 is going to both do the same thing. Right? You know, it snuck by about 100 miles an hour. And this leads us to where our journey is going to take us. The theme of this episode was sparked from a song by the Eagles, Busy Being Fabulous. This song appears on the Eagles Long Road out of Eden album and was released in January of 2008. The song features Don Henley on lead vocals and lyrically describ a strained love life between a frustrated male and a female who spends far too much time trying to climb the social ladder. Hence the lyric, you were just too busy being fabulous, too busy to think about us. During this episode, we share how important it is to keep your relationship as a priority as you head through the ups and downs in life. Are you ready for this?

I'm ready.

I'm sure you are. Just based on our brief conversation where we flipped on the mic. Uh, but before we get into it, uh, I'm just gonna start with the message of the day. Everyone is a good person. You just have to decide whether they're good for you.

Ooh, I like that one.

You like that one?

Yeah, that's good. That's appropriate.

So let's get into this. Okay. Safe to say that we all want success and happiness in life, and hopefully more the latter. Time and time, we hear stories where people lose each other on its way. Is this an easy trap for couples to fall into? Do you think?

Matt Dog, could you just pick this just for me? This one?

Remember, we talk about the important.

That is. That is. And this is an important one. Yeah, yeah, it's.

Wow.

Okay. I. I gotta.

They kind of caught you off. Yeah. Little, little.

Throw that one at me again. I'm still processing.

Oh, you're still processing. Time and time again, we hear stories where people kind of along the way of looking for success, lose each other along the way. And do you think that's just an easy trap for people to fall into?

Absolutely. Yep. I've been there, done. Not, not to the point where, you know, it's, it's hurt a relationship, but, you know, it puts time constraints on, on life. So. Absolutely. And then I think some people, to the point of the song, get lost in the, the fame and especially nowadays with social media and all the different platforms and everyone's trying to make a name for themselves, that if the, the balance of time switches too far to that and you are not paying attention to your relationship, it will suffer and most likely something's going to happen at some point.

Okay, so. Okay, and I agree with you totally. But look at it, look at it this way and think about it. We go to school, we go to post secondary, we get a job, and we want to be great at that job because we do want to climb that ladder to basically, I think there's maybe a little bit of ego involved, but certainly as a means to make sure that we live a lifestyle that we want to live. And that's not an easy thing to do at times because that means you're going to put possibly extra hours in. And soon as you put those extra hours in, what happens to your home relationship?

Those extra hours come from somewhere else.

They come from somewhere else.

But yeah, I agree. And I think that, you know, I would believe that if you were dialed in completely with your partner and you are constantly having discussions and sharing, you know, what the goals and activities are, then if there's maybe an understanding that it might be a little more acceptable to dive into that little bit of time bank. But if you're just kind of to your point point, if it's an ego thing for yourself, then you're only really going to look at what's good for you or as opposed to the relationship and any impacts that that may have. So it's a slippery one.

It's a slippery one. But I think, I think you hit the nail on the head. The key is having that communication between you and your partner to say, hey, look, first of all, where do we want to go with this and how are we going to get there? And if the part of the answer is how are we going to get there? Means that I might have to spend a couple more hours at work, then that puts a different light, different strain on things. Even if, even if they agree, they may not know what that's actually like until they start to experience.

True. And it's, it's easier said than done. Like, yeah, no problem, you stay at work for an extra three hours and then it happens the second time in a week and then three times the next week. And I think at a certain point, yeah, it's going to get long in the tooth and there's going to be a, a side effect to that, that.

Much time being put in and being in the policing world, there'd be often times where I'd have to spend time after shift just because of what I was dealing with. It's not that I was trying to climb the ladder in that regard, it was just the demand of the job.

I wonder if that's because you see it in movies all the time.

Right.

Like it'll be focused on an investigator or whatever and he might have had plans with his family, but then another murder happens and they has to call his house and say I can't come home or you know, tell the kids I love them. So I would imagine in that line of work that might happen more often.

Than not just from experience. I think you're right, it does. And even with all the, let's say, communication with your partner, that one point there, enough is enough. It really is right.

So yeah, yeah. Other people's lives are important and your work is important, but so are those people that are depending on you at home.

And I don't, and I don't know how many times I've said it as we've done these episodes. But where, where do you learn that growing up? That. Because it's a, it's a different kind of perspective of a life work balance. It really is. And something that if you don't have that life work balance is really, really going to hurt that relationship.

Yeah, yeah. And I, I, you know, we've talked about this a couple times. I'm going through the same thing. For the last decade I've had a full time career and when I, in the evenings and weekends, I've had other passions that I have pursued and my wife has fully encouraged me to do that and she's been a, a bit of a part of it as well. But over the last probably year it's gotten to the point where it's like, okay, there's, I, I've done my time investing in, in others and I don't mean that the wr. Now it's time to invest that time in us. Not that we're, our relationship is suffering, but to your point, if you spend that much time out, it's like, okay, so, so there's a little bit of guilt there for me. But you know, it's, it's always been communicated. You know, she always knows where I was. And that sort of stuff. But yeah, it definitely, it, no matter how you look at it, it impacts things.

Well, and I'll tell you, because this is, this is the world you're living in, and I've lived it in even the last few months where you're traveling around. And literally that's not an easy thing to do because there's that separation. The. I was away. I was away for three weeks, living out of a hotel. And every once in a while I joke around saying, yeah, I sleep around, but it's by myself. But it's, it's hard. It's. It's. I don't mean it's hard on me being the whole. In the hotel room. I mean, it's hard on our relationship when it's like that. Right. And I just say, thank God that Jeanette is easy to get along with. But that gets long in the tooth real quick, right?

So so many times and same thing, we put our house up for sale and I went on this massive road trip, you know, of two months and. But every time I came home, I did absolutely everything I could to make sure that when I left there was nothing to do because I was like, it's not fair just to leave and have her holding the fort down and dropping all that on her. So I really had to put a conscious effort into. Go above and beyond before I left to say, I realize I'm going done all this stuff. You should just really have to, you know, put the dogs away and that's it type thing. But, yeah, it's. At least we think of these things. Right. Like to be cognizant of the fact that there is an effect there.

Oh, yeah. And I mean, and. But it's like, it's like everything else, there's got to be that action after. Right? So now, now think about this for a second. I'm just, I'm just, I'm that high flyer because I put in the time, I put in the extra hours. And then I realized that if I don't spend the time I need to at home, I'm going to lose everything. Like, literally everything I work for at work is going to go down the drain. Everything I work for at home is going to go down the drain. And I have to make a decision.

Yeah.

Would you even think twice about saying, okay, sorry, I got to, I got to slow down at work and, and focus it?

Oh, no, absolutely. If it were something and because I try and keep that in the front of my brain, it's like, you know, It'd be really nice to be rich, but that. There's usually a cost there. And you see a lot of rich people that are single and they just. They have nobody to share their life with. Yeah, okay, great. They can do whatever they want and spend, but, you know, is it more important to have that or a life partner who you're going to be with forever that you can share in these moments? So. Yeah. So you gotta be careful what you're chasing when it comes to work in the dollar.

And what. I know you. It sounded like a question when you said that, but truly it was rhetorical because you want that life person. Because I don't know how many people go through life and they're saying, I don't know where I'm gonna find that person. And you've already found that person, and you actually enjoy time with that person, and you're for some reason, putting that at risk.

Yeah. And you know, Chris Stapleton has that song Millionaire, and it's not about cash. It's about love in a relationship of being so valuable that it makes you feel like Millionaire.

Yeah. I. It's. So when you. And you're right. So when you talk about being rich, it. It shouldn't be about money. It's about spending time with family.

Quality of life.

Quality of life. It's. It's true. It really is right. If. If you can figure that out and not get lost in that. Because that's part of it. People get lost and they just figure, I got to go to work, I got to do the next. But the thing is, is that if you were to literally switch jobs or move out of the city you're. You're living in and find work elsewhere, they would find someone else just like.

That in a heartbeat. I was with a major corporation for 14 years. I was set on retiring with them. I'm like, yeah, nope. This is my company. There was a merger. Decisions were made. Our entire division got axed. That was it. Next day, I was like, wow. Like, you just. You truly, when you go through something like that, you realize you are very much expendable. And yes, to your point, the next day, jobs filled with somebody else, and that company carries on, and you're left kind of holding the fort.

And sometimes it's even worse because you're the one, let's say, that's doing that job, and let's say literally doing the job of probably two or three other people. And you've told your boss up upside down, backwards this, I need more help. I need more Help. And then you walk out the door and now they got two extra people doing that very same job you were doing by yourself.

Yeah.

And they don't blink an eye at that.

Nope. Nope. And that, you know, work is just that. It is truly a job. Yes. It's a waste of the means and it should be fulfilling. You should enjoy it. But never lose sight of the fact that a business that's based on money and earnings and that business will always carry on whether you're there or not.

Okay. And let me, let me take that. It is a business from a different perspective. I'll take it from a family perspective with a partner perspective. You are in a business with your partner. The business is not to make money.

No.

But money is going to help you as a tool to get the business you and your partner are in, which is really to enjoy life.

Right.

So.

Yeah. Because they say money can't buy happiness, but I still want to challenge that. I'm waiting for that.

I probably told you this before, but literally I never bought a lottery ticket for years and years. And then I go to work for the lottery corporation for some reason and I still buy lottery tickets. I don't know why. I don't.

I'm good. Up until at the little device that you use to check your lottery tickets. I call that the Dream Crusher.

The Dream Crusher.

Because I have up until that time I've, I've. I know where I'm going to invest it. I know what charity I'm going to help out. I know. And then it gets crushed and then I got to start all over again.

I just get this picture when you, when you hit. Hit that app and all of a sudden you're not winning a tone.

Well, that's exact. Back to real life.

Yeah.

Away with you.

Okay, I'm going to switch gears. But not, not too, too much. Cuz it's the same. Same kind of point of this whole episode. So you and your partner have just spent 20 years raising kids and you're kicking them out the door. And your focus literally has been those kids. Both of you worked hard to make sure that those kids get sporting opportunities, educational opportunities, I hate to say this band opportunity. And like literally from. And that's a. That's including whatever extra hours you're putting in at work and you're making sure that that flies. Then all of a sudden you're sitting at the table and this person is sitting across from the table. You're going, who is this person?

Yeah. Yeah. That's a very Quick story. I don't know if I shared this before I was speaking with. This is probably about 15 years ago, the vice president of a major company here in Canada, and he told me something exactly like that. He had three daughters. Two of them were gone to university. The last one was being. Getting ready to move out. And he said that the kids had become their sole focus. And now that the kids are out, they don't know how to talk to each other anymore. He's like, we. We lost focus of each other. And the kids were always a buffer, but now that the kids are gone and there's no buffer, they were struggling. And I remember that, and I held that close to my heart because, absolutely, life gets busy. You have different focuses. But if it's truly just you and that person you dated and met, you're in a different scenario. It's not the same.

It's not the same. But getting back to that, okay, this is. This is my life partner. This is the person I. I wanted to go through life with. And I'll just call it a detour, an important detour. But now you're back together again. And. And that's. That's a challenge.

It is.

And if you could take it from a perspective, like, let's just start dating all over again and just see where that takes us and learn how to have fun together again.

Yeah. And we're. My wife and I are doing that right now to all those things that you just said have just happened to us with all the boys and stuff growing up and. But it's kind of fun just now because I'm like, okay, I'm going to act like a goofball. I'm going to make her laugh. We're going to, you know, be a little more carefree. And it is. It is. It's a lot of fun. And we're just getting back into that now. And. But again, we have the ability with time and stuff to pretend like we're dating because, you know, we're not changing diapers anymore or shuttling kids to sporting games. So, yeah, it's. It's. It's an interesting but fulfilling time. It's.

And you know what? I think part of. Part of the. Part of the challenge with. When we're doing this podcast, and I meant to say this early on before we got started here, but I truly appreciate you hopping on board with me. It really means a lot to me. It's. I think. I think we're going somewhere with this. And like, like I said, truly appreciate this.

Rose I was very flattered and humbled when you asked, so I'm very happy to be part of this. I enjoy the dialogue that we have. So. Yeah. Thank you.

Okay. As I take this tear out of my eye. But what. What I was. What I was thinking is kind of putting like this, because every once in a while you hear about hitting the reset button, and I think that you have to do that same thing with relationships every now and then. It's almost like a full stop, where are we right now? Where are we going? And how often do you think you should, like. Because that's so important and that's. That's part of it. If you don't hit that reset button, that's when you get lost or you kind of drift apart. Right?

Yeah. You get. Kind of set your ways. And I'm not one for big crowds or anything like that. Never have been. But with this newfound time that my wife and I had, I asked her if she wanted to go to a Christmas parade, and she looked at me and she's like, with all those people, I'm like, yeah, let's go. And I know she was waiting for me to drop a joke or something, and I'm like, no. So we went, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. And for the first time ever, she said, okay, I'm good. We can go now. And I was like, you threw in the towel before I did, so.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah, it was. It was pretty. It was quite entertaining. We had a good joke about it. But. But yeah, that. To that point of your reset, sometimes you got to take a step back and just kind of, you know, clear the slate and go at something new so you're not stuck in your old ways that you've maybe created by force of routine or habit.

And that's the problem, right? You. You fall into the. I'll call it a rut, because that's ex. What it is. You fall into a rut, and before you know it, you're back to Monday. And before you know it, you're back to Monday. And then what. What's happened?

Eternal Mondays. And when. When with this new time came up with my wife and I, one of the things that I was scared about is that just, I don't want to watch tv. I don't want to sit on the couch. Like, that's a scary routine, that it truly terrifies me. Let's actually do stuff. So then, of course, now I'm doing yoga and all this sort of stuff, but that's it. It's a new venture and it's.

I don't want you talking to Jeanette. Don't do that.

When the body starts getting older, it's like I feel more and more like the Tin man every day. So a little bit of grease in the joints and stuff, and the heat helps.

Yeah. You know the best advice with respect to that, don't stop moving. Because when you do, because you, I think you hit it right with the Tin man because that's what's gonna happen. You're going to seize up. Right.

And that's it. You don't. If you don't use it, you lose it.

This is. It may be a rhetorical question, but I think the reason why I'm going to ask it is because it's, it's so important and it hits home. But how important is strong communication in your relationship that keep. To keep that bond as strong as it can. Right.

So the word is invaluable.

Invaluable.

Oh, absolutely. And I, My wife is almost an over communicator, which sometimes gets long in the tooth, but I've kind of over the years grown to understand it and appreciate it because the more that is really clearly defined and it's out there that the more we're on the same page. So it's not. I'm thinking one thing and she's thinking another, and we're not connecting. So. So I, it took me a while. Like, I know, don't get me wrong, she'd go and be okay, but, you know, after a while I was like, no, no, I can see the impact. And we did that with the kids too. So that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So with the communication piece. So it took me while, but I bought in.

Yeah, it's. It's true. I mean, and I'm just thinking as we're talking here, and I'm thinking about my dad because. And you, you probably have relationships like this with your son where you can be together and not say a word, but communicate like to the nth degree just, just by being there. You just know each other so well. You don't even have to, you know, like, say the word. You know exactly what each other is thinking. Yeah. And that doesn't. Doesn't prevent the fact that you somehow got to hit the reset button, say, hey, we need to talk about that.

Yes.

Right.

So, yeah. And it's. Yeah, it's, it's. And now I have, you know, my eldest is 33 and he's got daughters. And he actually called me the other day. He's like, dad, I'M having a problem with one of the kids at school, you know, and he just, can we talk?

And sure.

So we talk about it and stuff. But the fact that he reaches out and enjoys having that dialogue and bouncing different parenting styles off, I take that to heart. And I think, you know what, for him to do that, it's, it's not only flattering, but it shows that something that we did along the way clicked because he's okay with picking up the phone and asking for, for a little bit of guidance and direction. So I value that greatly.

Well, and you should. And the fact that they're actually reaching out for help rather than that old school, this is my problem or this is my challenge. I need to look after it myself.

Someone's going to tell me how to do this.

Yeah. And that's, I mean, good for you if you can do that. But it's a lot easier if you just put out your hand and someone says, hey, that's the ego.

Right. Old men sometimes have an issue with that.

So well mentioned the word old man. I think I hear that music happening.

That's nap time first.

Yeah. Remember, we were never meant to walk alone. When you find that someone special your life, never take that for granted. Consider this. Take the time to celebrate your relationship periodically. Know when that work is becoming the focus and dial it back to maintain some life work balance. Easier said than done. For sure. Make a habit by scheduling alone time with partner and keep in mind it's a habit you have to develop and that's not always easy. Make sure your communication is strong so you can deal with challenges together. And do not accept that romance is dead and take the steps to nurture it. Any other thoughts on that?

No, those? That was a great summary.

Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you. To learn more about eWalkabout, please visit us@ewalkabout.ca.