Morgan L. Stogsdill (00:00)
you have to be really careful.
You don't want to play out your case in the press. And for a normal person, the press is social media.
Andrea Rappaport (00:06)
you have nobody
who follows you on social media, who is an expert, who can step in and make your life any better. They're just watching the car accident.
They care about you, but it's exciting to everybody else. Don't pop the popcorn and let everybody watch the show. Go to the real people in your world who...
Morgan L. Stogsdill (00:17)
and enjoying it.
Andrea Rappaport (00:28)
are there to
lift you up. And I'm saying this because I know, I know how badly we all want to be seen.
Andrea Rappaport (00:35)
If you're going through a divorce or thinking about getting a divorce, this is the podcast for you. Hosted by Morgan Stogsdill, the head of family law at the largest family law firm in the country and comedian Andrea Rappaport, you're gonna laugh, you're gonna learn, you're gonna avoid major divorce mistakes. This is How Not to Suck at Divorce.
Andrea Rappaport (00:57)
If you're anything like me and you tend to go on a hole when you're suffering, I've got news for you. There's a better way to do things.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (01:05)
Rather than hiding in a hole, your divorce besties want you to connect with those in your circle, especially as we head into the holiday season.
Andrea Rappaport (01:12)
Don't isolate yourself. You are coming up on a time when you and your kids will need community more than ever. So how do we want you to connect? By making a tiny bit of effort and actually send out holiday cards this year.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (01:27)
We are partnering with Truly Engaging, a card company that has truly won my heart over. I have personally been using them for years and believe me when I tell you, these are the nicest cards on the market.
Andrea Rappaport (01:39)
Yeah, Truly Engaging is actually the only company with a premium line that has both raised foil and the glossy varnish, which is deliciously luxurious.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (01:49)
And I know what you're thinking. Don't worry. It is not wildly expensive, especially not for our listeners.
Andrea Rappaport (01:55)
Connect with your community with a keepsake worth holiday card. And no, we aren't telling you to write, and I think I want a divorce on the back of the card. Although, ⁓ my God, if you do have the balls to write that, please send me that card because I would die.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:09)
No, don't write that. But do check out Truly Engaging, direct link and promo code in our show notes.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:16)
So a lot of weeks we have our shit together, but it's not one of those weeks for myself or Andrea. And as listeners, you know, when you're kind of falling apart, sometimes you just need a little bit of humor in your life to get you through. And Andrea, I did something this week that is so out of my character. I kind of felt like I was being you for a moment, but I got true joy from it, except when it turned on me. Are you ready for my story?
Andrea Rappaport (02:43)
Yeah.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:44)
I, you know, you get those spam texts, right? To your phone. It's like, hey, are you looking for a new job? All those things. And you're like, no, delete, send a spam, delete. Well, yesterday I was just sitting there and I got one and I'm like, you know what? I'm going to mess with this guy in Nigeria, probably. So I just thought it would be so funny just to mess with this spammer and do really childish, your mom joke answers.
Andrea Rappaport (02:49)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:09)
I know. I know who am I, like high end divorce lawyer or a child who's responding with your mom jokes, right? So it started.
Andrea Rappaport (03:14)
child
Well, and I love
that you start this with, kind of thought of you, like, such a compliment.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:21)
We
know who you are on this podcast. So anyway, so I go down this road of your mom jokes with this, I'm thinking it's a gentleman and if it's not, who knows, but we're going to talk about it like it's a gentleman. So he starts out saying, are you there? And I'm like, obviously I'm here. Is your mom there? We keep going down this thing. And after a while, it's like not the normal spammer. It kind of like takes a turn and this person, this man.
Andrea Rappaport (03:24)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, nine.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:48)
and now I'm envisioning like an old man, ⁓ is like, I don't really understand what you mean by your mom, but like my joystick on my helicopter is broken and I really need you to fix it. I'm wondering if you have time to fix it. And at that point I'm like, wait, what? I am literally messing with an old man who lives on a farm, who has a helicopter, who probably built it in his own garage.
This is not a spammer and I'm sending your mom jokes to an old man.
Andrea Rappaport (04:19)
Wait, but what was the first message he sent you?
Morgan L. Stogsdill (04:22)
It was like, when I went back, it was like an old man. It really wasn't a normal spammer. was like, are you there? It was imagine like an old grandpa that's trying just to get some help. And I was like, spammer and I'm in the mood. So here we go. And now I'm the worst human on earth and a child.
your mom.
I know.
Andrea Rappaport (04:44)
⁓ God, wow. You know, the level of joy that that little snippet just brought me almost makes my shit show of a life worth it right now.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (04:56)
You're welcome. You're welcome.
Andrea Rappaport (04:58)
⁓ I mean, a grateful nation and listenership thank you because I think we are all taking a collective chuckle at your expense and that poor and that guy's helicopter.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (05:09)
at your mom.
had to do a double take. was like, what? What? And then I was like, what spammer is going to be? And he listed like the model of his helicopter. It was like R, L, and then there were a bunch of numbers. like, my God, what is happening? my God.
Andrea Rappaport (05:29)
Let's do an awkward segue into what we're chatting about today. What are, you might be wondering, what are the three biggest mistakes that people make in the first 30 days of their divorce? Well, we're about to tell you, but I wanna know, Morgan, what do you think's harder, the first 30 days or the last 30 days of someone's divorce?
Morgan L. Stogsdill (05:53)
That's a really good question. I don't really have a definitive answer like you're looking for. I would say they're both hard, but for very different reasons. So if we think about the first 30 days, this is the first 30 days of unknown land where you're in with potentially your lawyer, where you filed for divorce or somebody's filed for divorce, and you really don't know what to expect. So you can imagine how you're feeling then. You're feeling very unstable. You really don't know what the process looks like.
you're feeling uncomfortable. And then you think about the end of your divorce. You've kind of gone through the process at this point. You kind of know what to expect at this point, but now you're into the really big decisions, right? Because the last 30 days, you're either negotiating a settlement or you're prepping for a trial. So you're in the big decision days. So there's different stress. You're not stressed about kind of as much of the unknown as you are about making the big decisions and the right decisions.
Andrea Rappaport (06:47)
Yeah, so spoiler alert, next week we'll be covering the three biggest mistakes that people make in their last 30 days of divorce. But this episode is meant to help you avoid these legal, not only legal though, emotional mistakes that so many people make in that first month of the divorce process.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (07:09)
Yeah. And you know, it's easy to step into it in the first month of the divorce process because you're feeling really uncomfortable. You have kind of ripped the bandaid off. You are proceeding forward. You're on this train, but you really don't know, for lack of a better term, where this train is stopping. You don't know what route it's taking. You don't know where it's stopping, if it's stopping at all.
and you're just feeling out of control. And there's nothing worse than that feeling. And a lot of my clients feel like that. They feel like they're out of control because they don't know what to expect. And that's when the divorce lawyer should be coming in and really walking you through expectations in the first 30 days.
Andrea Rappaport (07:46)
Well, I think something that you just said brings up a really good point. Your clients, because they're working with you and you've already set that precedent of you need to come and talk to me about how you're feeling, they're telling you I'm all over the place. The challenge that a lot of the world, but I mean, let's speak mainly for this country because we know what happens in this country. Not all divorce attorneys are created equally. And if the attorney hasn't already had that conversation with their client of you are going to be erratic.
The client doesn't even realize that they're in this state. You don't realize that you are in the eye of the hurricane until you're no longer in the hurricane. So your adrenaline is running through you at such a high place. And you think that that bear that's chasing you in the woods is literally on your back. And you're just going, going, going.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (08:37)
Yeah, that's right. And that's why you want to listen to this podcast. Because if you are feeling like that and you're right after you've started the divorce process, that's when you want to call your lawyer or send them an email and say, you know, it doesn't have to be longer than five or 10 minute phone call. But I promise you when you walk away from that phone call and you've got the roadmap for the first 30 days or the first 60 days and what you're doing and write it down because your brain might be mush when you're talking to them, write it down so that when you get off the phone,
you will remember what you talked about and you can actually look back at it. But after that conversation, I guarantee you're going to feel better about the process and calmer.
Andrea Rappaport (09:13)
So let's get to these mistakes. The first mistake, the biggest, one of the biggest ones that you see people make all the time is what?
Morgan L. Stogsdill (09:22)
first mistake in the first 30 days is somebody emotionally feeling like, I've ripped the bandaid off, it's got to get better from here. And you're not prepared for it to get a little bit worse at first, because that's what always happens when you rip that bandaid off. And know, divorce is kind of an interesting anomaly. And I'll liken it to this. Most people know that they're going down the road of divorce. You see a lot in the movies where it's like,
You know, they slide over a card and it's like, I love you so much, but I want a divorce. And the other person's like, what? Shocked, right? For most people, you're not shocked. You know it's coming. But the reality is when you file that paperwork, when you do that first step, that's where the shock comes in because that feels so final for you and for the other side. And that's where a lot of people start to behave a little bit badly and make things a little bit tougher.
So I think that there's this misconception out there that once you pull that bandaid off, you rip it right off and you file the paperwork and you serve the other side or you give it to them with a nice letter, however your lawyer does it, that things are going to be like hunky dory or a lot better than what you've And it's just
Andrea Rappaport (10:31)
laughing that you just said hunky dory.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (10:33)
Yeah, because you posted something on your Instagram about some real housewives where I think it was Kathy Hilton didn't know she thought hunky dory was a person. So now it's in my
So thank you for
that.
Andrea Rappaport (10:58)
Who's hunky dory? And I said, when all of your friends are accomplished adults and you're still trying to figure out how to spell definitely. Because I can't spell definitely. I can't do it. So anyway, ⁓ let's elaborate a little bit more on this first mistake. Because to me, it sounds like this is kind of an emotional mistake that people make, or mental slash emotional, of.
not having the realistic expectation that things are about to get worse. But what do people actually end up doing that because they don't know that things are going to get worse? Why is this such a big mistake? I mean, I have a thought, but I want you to tell me like what you see.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (11:29)
Yes.
One, it can make them act out of control and really run up a big bill with their attorney if they're not really...
Andrea Rappaport (11:50)
That's exactly
what I was going to say.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (11:53)
Right, lots of emails, lots of phone calls telling us absolutely every step or misstep that has happened. Whereas if they had realistic expectations that, you know, this is gonna get a little rockier at first, but here's the strategy or here's the roadmap, they're gonna feel more calm, they're not gonna do that. They also might make some missteps too. So you know how you act or anyone acts when they are amped up, they don't make the best decisions. They don't really care if they're texting.
crazy things or sending emails or yelling in front of the kids. They can't control themselves. And that's not what we want right when we start the divorce process.
Andrea Rappaport (12:28)
Well, hold on. It's not, we do that. We do know that we're doing that. And here's an unpopular opinion, don't hate me. But we do that to get a reaction. We do that because we're feeling an emotion so strongly, we want some kind of a fucking response. We behave that way because we want somebody to recognize that we're hurting.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (12:47)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea Rappaport (12:52)
Because what happens a lot of times in a divorce is that there's one person who's more emotionally charged than the other. know, a lot of times it's the person who didn't want the divorce initially, who's going to be more amped up. And the person who wanted the divorce almost feels like this sigh of relief. Like, okay, finally, now we're starting the process. And then they don't anticipate that they're about to get steamrolled by this other person's emotions.
and then round and round we go. My suggestion is, you mentioned this kind of in passing, Morgan, when you have that first meeting with your attorney, once you've filed, right? Once the gun goes off and we are off to the races, I suggest you say, can you give me a roadmap for the first 30 days? Give me a roadmap of what realistically...
I can expect as far as like the logistics of what's gonna happen. And then I want you to go to your therapist because yes, I want you to have a therapist and I want you to talk to them about a mental and emotional roadmap. That's how you remain in a place where you're proactive and not reactive.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (14:05)
I love your idea just there. And in fact, I don't think I've had one client over my almost 19 years of practicing that's ever come in and said to me, basically, give me a roadmap for the next 30 days of after filing for divorce. I would love it if they did. I think that's genius.
Andrea Rappaport (14:23)
So, here's why. Because I want you guys to take this episode seriously. The reason why it's so important to know that it's going to get harder before it gets better is because if you don't, you're going to go on a roller coaster. And roller coasters are expensive because like we mentioned a moment ago, but we really didn't elaborate on it.
When you start having all of these thoughts and feelings and you're sending all of these messages to your lawyer to get a response because you're hurting, you're paying for every single email. When you are sending aggressive messages to your soon-to-be ex, which I get, I get wanting to tell them, you piece of shit, look how you're hurting me, look how you're hurting our family.
I'm not saying that you should do that. I'm telling you, I get why you're doing that. That's also gonna get expensive because you're amping them up and they're gonna fire back at you. You're causing yourself more of a headache.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (15:26)
So you just walked into my next mistake. I'm going to tell a story that I had recently where we were in a pretty good spot. had at this one, had Brenda. We always talk about Chad and Brenda. So today I had Brenda as my
and Chad and Brenda were really fighting tooth and nail about what kind of parenting plan they were going to have. And they were doing all the things wrong. Like.
We were going to mediation, but they wanted to negotiate outside of mediation before going to mediation, which just puts everyone in a tough spot and really causes, it really kind of causes mediation to fail in my opinion. And they were continuing to do that, et cetera. And my client at times was being a little bit unreasonable, but I said, just stay the course, let's get to mediation. What you're asking for overall is not unreasonable. We can get there, we can do this. Please just trust my advice. Well, what does Brenda go and do?
Andrea Rappaport (16:15)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (16:17)
Brenda
goes numerous times off the rails. She pretends to me like she's absolutely perfect and she's staying the course and we've got this. She just goes off the rails on text messages to her soon to be ex threatening everything. You will never take the children from me. He wasn't taking them from her. I will absolutely over my dead body. Will I ever agree to this? Your parents have dementia like going on and on about nonsense. And so what does it do? Like where is that relevant? Well,
Andrea Rappaport (16:25)
Okay.
God. Yeah.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (16:46)
I started getting these text messages from opposing counsel and the mediator being like, one, your client's off the rails. We don't even know if she's in her right mind. And two, this is not helpful to settle the case. In fact, it just put it back 10 steps. So what I want you to know about that is we understand your emotions. This is a very emotional time, especially at the beginning when you're not familiar with this process. But what we want you to do is do not send those messages. The other thing is,
you before you get into a court process and you're trying to settle out of court, these are such damning texts if you ever had to go to court. So what it does is it takes away our leverage to say, ⁓ we don't have an agreement. Fine. Let's just go to court because now we don't want to go to court. Why? Because there's all these lunatic messages out there that are going to hurt you if you go to court.
Andrea Rappaport (17:22)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (17:35)
So watch your text messages. Please send it to your friend. We were talking about Loud Mouth Sally last episode. Send it to Loud Mouth Sally. We don't care. Just do not send it to your ex so that the court is reading it.
Andrea Rappaport (17:41)
Hmm.
Speaking of loudmouth Sally, we got to give a shout out to a member of our private community who immediately took to our group and did exactly what we asked. If you've listened to the very end of this episode, comment that you're loudmouth Sally and we're sending you a Starbucks gift card. And guess what? Full force.
She posted immediately, Loud Mouth Sally here. It made my day. I screenshotted it, sent it to you, Morgan. We were so happy. And that lucky woman has a personal card from us along with a Starbucks gift card in the mail on the way to her right now. So love you, Loud Mouth Sally. Okay, I wanna add to this, you know, mistake number two.
the sending these messages, and I'm going to amp it up a level. What's even worse than sending text messages is making public proclamations on social media now.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (18:39)
like you always do.
Andrea Rappaport (18:52)
I, this is kind of what I'll do for a living. Don't be me. I speak about my life with so many guardrails and so many parameters. I am in, I know what I'm talking about and I did not do this while I was going through my divorce. When you are going through your divorce,
You are going to have days where you are going to be so upset that you really can't be responsible for what comes out of your mouth. It's not the time to go on Facebook and Instagram and share a motivational quote about recovering from narcissistic abuse. It's not gonna help you. And here's why it's not gonna help you. Number one,
you have nobody
who follows you on social media, who is an expert, who can step in and make your life any better. They're just watching the car accident. And that's what it is, okay? They care about you, but it's exciting to everybody else. Don't pop the popcorn and let everybody watch the show. Go to the real people in your world who...
Morgan L. Stogsdill (19:55)
you
and enjoying it.
Andrea Rappaport (20:09)
are there to care about, who are there to lift you up. And I'm saying this because I know, I know how badly we all want to be seen.
I know that you just want to post something or maybe even reshare something that we post, right? And you want to post it in your stories. And look, I would fucking love the, you know, the extra follows. Our sponsors would love that, but I care about you more. I don't, don't share our stuff on your social.
if it's going to hurt you mentally, emotionally, or legally. You gotta be smart here. We have this happen all the time, and we have people who, mean, Morgan can even speak to legal situations where people are told, hey, you gotta take this down. You can't say that kind of stuff. And guess what? That just cost you several hundred dollars to have your hand slapped.
by your attorney because you posted something on your TikTok that you shouldn't have ticked or talked.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (21:12)
Well, let's talk about it from a legal perspective as well, because I don't disagree with what you're saying, but I can go a step further for you. I a case where ⁓ I had Brenda in this case again, and Chad
was a good dad in general, but the minute the divorce process started, Chad tried to be Disney dad. And everything he posted was about his kids, which...
In general, the courts and anyone looking over everybody's shoulders, they don't want to see your kids plastered all over social media. They just don't.
Andrea Rappaport (21:46)
Well, tell
everybody what Daddy Disney means, because people might think that you mean someone that actually, like, loves Disney.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (21:52)
Okay. Disney dad means that you've been a fine dad or maybe you haven't been a fine dad. And it can be a Disney mom too. It goes both ways. But basically it's the minute the divorce starts, you are the perfect father or the perfect mother. It's all about the kids. Everything you do is amazing. And we say Disney because it's like the person who never went to Disney, but now it's like Disney every other weekend and they don't really show up for the main things, but they take them to Disney all the time. That's kind of like what we're talking about here.
getting back to my point is, so in this case, Chad was a good dad, but then the minute the divorce started, Chad took to social media and he almost was trying to like play out his custody or his parenting time on social media. So his point was, you could see it so clearly and he was so busted by this, by the court, because we just waited, we let him play it out. So you could see his posts from when they were happily married.
Most of it was about work, maybe a few family stuff sprinkled in here or there, but the minute the custody issues started coming up, Chad, it was everything about what a fabulous daddy was. Look at me taking Johnny and Joey to Disneyland. Look at me taking them to the amusement park. Look at them picking pumpkins. And it was just so, it was gross. And it was so blatant. And the fact that he couldn't see how blatant it was.
the courts all right through it. So
you have to be really careful. You're not playing out. It's the same thing with like celebrities in the press or anything. You don't want to play out your case in the press. And for a normal person, the press is social media.
Avoid it. There's no reason for it. And also, how about this unpopular opinion? Protect your kids. You shouldn't have your kids on an open social media platform for the whole entire world to see. Be careful about that.
Andrea Rappaport (23:42)
I think that, you know, this, and I think this kind of gets into like a tricky area because we all have different, you know, feelings about social media and kids. And we're all, you know, everyone's allowed to have their own feelings about it. And I also think that, you know, it's hard when we tell people don't do this because you're going to hurt your kids. And then everybody gets really defensive. And I'm, I'm in that, I'm in that pool. I hate when I hear that kind of stuff. ⁓
We want you to listen to what we're saying and think before you do something. That's but what the reason why this is our second biggest mistake is that if you don't have any kind of a guardrail up in your mind and you are going full tilt boogie on texting and posting things on social media, it's going to hurt your case. It's going to make it more expensive and you are
opening yourself up to comments and criticism and gossip and a headache for not only you, but your babies too. Because whatever the parents are talking about, it's going to trickle down to the kids. So just think before you post.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (24:57)
I agree. And Andrea and I don't always agree on everything. We agree on most things, but we've had that conversation over and over again. I think I'm coming from a different place because I'm the divorce lawyer of the group. And so I see all the things that can go bad when you're posting your children online. Andrea is a social media personality. She is a big personality and she's totally different. So we just have different views and perspectives, but we're here to give you both perspectives.
Andrea Rappaport (25:22)
Yeah, because we want people to, like, I don't want you to hear something that Morgan says and think, well, my God, I post my kids online. Am I a terrible? It's okay. But just be smart. You can't, don't, you just have to think. If you've always posted your kids online and that has been established prior and there's never been an issue, then that's okay. Do not talk about your soon to be ex. Don't post pictures.
of them and put an emoji over their face or write anything like, the day I married the narcissist. It's just not going to help you. Drum roll,
Let's get
Morgan L. Stogsdill (26:07)
All right.
Andrea Rappaport (26:08)
the third biggest mistake that I think might surprise a lot of people.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (26:12)
Here's a mistake that might surprise you. Let's go full steam ahead on this. You're feeling in the first 30 days, so much pressure, so much stress, the unknown, all these things. And in those 30 days, you're going to start getting paperwork from your attorney's office to fill out. This is the thing that might surprise you. Do not rush the paperwork because you just want it to stop hurting. And you just want to check off the boxes because you think that if you check these boxes off and get this paperwork back to your attorneys,
fast as possible, that it will make it so much better. We want you to be smart. Filling out paperwork too fast is prone to make mistakes, and mistakes are big in a divorce process. We want you to do it the right way. Also, when you're so stressed out, filling out paperwork, it kind of is a dumb thing that lawyers have to do because of the courts. have to give you all this paperwork to fill out. And we know...
that you're in your worst place that you've probably been in a long time. And we're like, hey, by the way, fill out all this paperwork. You can't even think straight. You're going to do a great job with it. So my point to you is give yourself a little grace. You don't have to race through the paperwork. Try to meet the deadlines, talk to your lawyers about it, but do it the right way.
Andrea Rappaport (27:22)
Yeah, I think we think that we're being good clients if we get everything done. And I think we think that we have control of this process. And that's part of this mistake. This is kind of tied into like, it's a little bit of one with three. It's like, you have to have this realistic expectation, again, that this is a slow process. ⁓ Hopefully.
You hired a divorce attorney who did not mislead you and tell you, ⁓ yeah, I can have this thing wrapped up in a month, hopefully. They told you in your state and with the particulars of your case how long you can expect for this to ⁓ be in process. But for a lot of people, they think, well, I'm just going fill this out. Bada-bing, bada-boom. Here's my parenting schedule. Here's your parenting schedule. I'm ready to get divorced.
There's a lot that you will think that you and your soon to be ex are in agreement on. And then all of sudden people change their minds and you think like this was never an issue. Why is this an issue now? Because it is. Because these are big decisions. People are not always changing their minds because they're intentionally trying to be a dick.
They also have a lot of other ears. I'm sorry, not ears, mouths in their ears. What am I trying to say? No, that sounds sexual, not mouths in their ears. my God, what's the, what am I trying to say? People in their ears. God, was it that hard? Was it that hard? God, mouths in their ears. Wow, okay. They've got people in their ears saying, hey, hey, hey, I know that you might've told Brenda that you don't.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (28:52)
people in their ears. Loudmouth Sally.
Andrea Rappaport (29:05)
care about having the kids for Hanukkah every year, but hold on. That's a big decision. There are eight nights of that holiday. You know, like, so just know that before you start blaming everybody and saying, my God, Brenda is such a bitch, Chad is such a dick, blah, blah, blah, everyone's doing the best they can, hopefully.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (29:26)
Also, there
are people doing their job, meaning lawyers. So what Chad and Brenda talked about in the kitchen when they were super emotional and thought they were getting divorced and everything was going to be perfectly amicable is going to be totally different when they have the lawyers doing their job saying, hey, but did you... And it's nothing malicious. It's, hey, did you think about the fact that Hanukkah has eight nights, by the way? That's a long, long holiday, Andrea. Or did you think about the fact that I just had this?
Andrea Rappaport (29:52)
Hmm.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (29:55)
One of you celebrates Christmas and one of you celebrates Hanukkah and all the Jewish holidays. What do you do about that? You need to speak to a lawyer who's been through that. And that's when things start to change. So that's why it's always best not to negotiate behind closed doors without lawyers until you know exactly what you're negotiating.
Andrea Rappaport (30:14)
So here's a brief recap of all these three biggest mistakes that we see people make over and over again in the first 30 days. Number one, you don't have that realistic expectation that things are going to get worse before they get better. Number two, you're taking your emotions and you're texting or you're posting shit on social media that's not gonna help you. And number three,
You are going full steam ahead. You are filling out all the paperwork at a rapid rate because you think that you can control the speed of this process where you could actually be making some really big mistakes.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (30:55)
Exactly. And if you follow that and you also talk to your lawyer about what to expect in the first 30 days, you are going to be in such a good position because remember this, divorce is a marathon. It is not a sprint. Not every day is going to be good in your divorce process. Sometimes it's day by day, other times it's hour by hour. And guess what? That's okay.
Andrea Rappaport (31:16)
That's right. Before we quickly wrap up this episode, I'm gonna say a word. I want you to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. You ready? Chad. Brenda.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (31:24)
Yes, Brenda.
Chad, are we doing this?
Andrea Rappaport (31:29)
Yeah, social media.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (31:30)
Don't do it. X, X. It's supposed to be one word, X. That's my opinion. Yes. No, no.
Andrea Rappaport (31:36)
as an ex like Twitter or you're saying ex like no?
⁓ Late night text messages.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (31:42)
barf.
Andrea Rappaport (31:43)
Ooh, we have.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (31:45)
You weren't expecting that, were you?
Andrea Rappaport (31:47)
Uber eats deliveries.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (31:49)
Your mom. I had to bring it back. I'm so sorry.
Andrea Rappaport (31:52)
Wow, and that was another failed word association game, but you know what's not gonna fail? You. You are not gonna fail at this divorce process because, well, number one, you listened to this episode, so good for you. Good for you for taking a step towards trying to give yourself education and also realizing I deserve to laugh. I deserve to have a chuckle through this process because if I don't,
I am going to fall the F apart. So I say slap that salmon sperm all over your face and listen up. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you gotta go listen to the episode from two weeks ago. You'll learn all about the salmon sperm. But hang in there, kitty cat, because guess what? You can do this. Even if you make one of these mistakes in the first 30 days, it's not game over for you. Keep going.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (32:47)
And you can do this, to know why? Because we are here for you. We have built a private community that's completely confidential. You want more community? Join it. You want to know more information? Go on our website and purchase the DCC or other workbooks. If you like this podcast, please rate and review us. We appreciate all the reviews and ratings, even the ones that make us laugh and have some feedback that we might not really like.
Please do it because it allows us to bring on fabulous guests and continue this
Andrea Rappaport (33:16)
We love you, we're here for you, we believe in you, and you have got this.
Morgan L. Stogsdill (33:22)
And we, my friends, have got you.
How Not to Suck at Divorce (33:24)
The How Not to Suck a Divorce podcast cannot be copied or rebroadcast without consent. This podcast does not contain legal advice. The information contained herein and provided on the podcast and the resources available are not intended and shall not be construed as legal