Hello happiness seekers.

My name is Claudia and welcome back to the Happiness Challenge podcast, all about the science of happiness.

And this month it's all about kindness.

In the episode 159, my guest Bernadette Russell, who is a storyteller and the author of a great book in conversation of kindness, shared her insights on why kindness matters.

In the episode 160 I was diving into surprising science behind kindness and I have shared 10 simple ways that we can spread kindness this month.

And in The Final Part 3, Episode 161 I'm trying to answer the key question that I feel often is on our minds when we think about how to be kind without burning out.

Because kindness is truly a beautiful thing, but if we are not careful it can sometimes leave us feeling drained.

So in this episode we'll explore why kindness fatigue happens and how to practice kindness in a way that protects your own well being.

So let's dive in.

So first of all, I absolutely love the that of concentrating more on kindness.

I love a good quest.

So this month I definitely enjoyed thinking about the random acts of kindness that ultimately made a small difference in the world.

Such as I gave a positive review for the organization I work with.

I did a shout out to few colleagues showing my gratitude for their support and I sent a message to one of my sisters who was going through difficult time and I told her about all the strengths that I admire about her.

I helped some lost tourists on the underground and took a little bit detour so I can help them to get to the right place again.

Those were small things but definitely brought me joy and definitely made a small difference in the world.

I guess the key reflection is that yes, they require time and I really love this idea and this insight that we might be accidentally unkind because we are too busy and in order to be more kind we need to slow down.

But I also was thinking that kindness of course is a powerful force and it is a happiness booster for us as givers and for other people as receivers.

But it can take a toll on so I definitely had days when I felt quite tired and therefore didn't feel I can be as kind towards other people.

So I can definitely see that if we are constantly giving to others without taking time to refill our own emotional cup, it will be difficult.

And psychologists call this compassion fatigue and it is something that caregivers, teachers and even everyday kindness champions can experience.

It happens when we overextend ourselves emotionally, leaving little energy to care for our own needs.

But here is the thing that being kind is a necessary means sacrificing our own well being.

In fact, science shows that sustainable kindness starts with self kindness.

So if we are not taking care of ourselves, then our ability to care for other people diminishes over time.

So how can we strike a balance is my question really.

So I thought about five tips that can help us practice kindness more sustainably.

And I think they are really important to incorporate in our well being routine and our day to day time.

Because otherwise we cannot be really kind human beings.

So number one, prioritize your energy.

I think this is really important that focus on the acts of kindness that truly resonate with you.

So I often when I was engaging in this, that I have this lots of should, oh, maybe I should do this, maybe I should do that.

But actually I realized that if my good intention starts with I should have that person, that's not truly acts of kindness, this is more of an obligation.

And actually we don't have to do everything for everyone.

So prioritize your energy and focus on the acts of kindness that truly resonate with you and the ones you truly want to do.

Number two is schedule time for yourself.

So self care again should be very much a part of our routine.

But it's one of those things that we can postpone it.

Whether it's reading, meditating, going for a walk, we need time, we need moments to recharge.

By adding our own happiness to our to do list, we ensure that we have enough energy to support other people.

And with this one, I think we do actually need to learn how to rest.

It took me some time to really dive into the research around this and understand that there are different types of restrictions and we need to utilize rest that energizes us.

So really reflecting on what energizes you and scheduling the time for yourself is really important.

Number three, learn to say no.

So saying no doesn't mean that we are unkind, being too nice, that doesn't mean we're being kind.

That really makes us human beings that we say no, that actually I cannot help you on this occasion.

So I think we need to be very honest about our limits and trust that people will understand the no doesn't have to be a hard no, no, I don't want to help you or no never again situation.

We can say we cannot help at the moment but to offer something in the future.

Or we can say I cannot fulfill your request, but how could they support you differently?

So it's thinking about setting those boundaries and not feeling guilty when we do again Saying no doesn't mean that we are unkind.

It just means that we are realistic about our resources and we're caring for ourselves as well.

Number four, celebrate small wins.

So again, kindness doesn't have to be grunt.

And maybe when we're engaging in random acts of kindness, we don't necessarily get the response we were hoping for.

That's okay because even small acts like smiling at the stranger, sending a thoughtful text can make a big impact without exhausting us.

So if something is not possible on one day, that's okay, that's okay.

We can do something.

At the micro level, being 1% kind of is much better than being unkind.

So let's just remember about that perspective.

And number five, final one, ask for support.

So if we're feeling overwhelmed, we should be able to lean on our support system.

Kindness is a two way street and it's okay to receive it as much as we give it.

Being resilient means that we understand when we need help and we are able to ask for it.

So remember, ask for support.

And I really feel that if we practicing these tips we can really protect our own well being.

But also we can ensure that kindness remains authentic and impactful rather than something that we are forced to do leading to that regret and burnout.

Okay, so kindness is one of the greatest gifts we can give to the world, but it's just as important to be kind to ourselves.

So let's remember that sustainable kindness is about balance giving to others while making space to care for our own needs.

As my guest Bernadette said, modeling self kindness is being kind to us other people because you are showing that self kindness is important and in a way you giving other people permission to take care of themselves and that is absolutely crucial.

So thank you so much for listening.

If you have found today's episode helpful, sign up to my substack newsletter to receive this month's write up about the topic of kindness.

And from there you'll be able to download an exercise on how to be kind to yourself in the moment.

So until next time.

As always, I dare you to be happy.

Bye.