1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,730 Ralph: Have you or your spouse ever disagreed about money? 2 00:00:03,719 --> 00:00:06,630 If you're like me, I'm sure that's happened a time or two. 3 00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:11,190 Does it feel like you're never on the same page when it comes to your finances? 4 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:12,390 Well, listen folks. 5 00:00:12,390 --> 00:00:12,900 You're not alone. 6 00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:15,240 When it comes to finances, being a source of stress. 7 00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:17,220 In any relationship? 8 00:00:17,820 --> 00:00:22,200 Money issues are one of the leading causes of marital and relationship conflict. 9 00:00:22,709 --> 00:00:24,300 But it doesn't have to be that way. 10 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:30,480 So stay tuned today for some concrete ways to get on the same page with your significant other. 11 00:00:30,779 --> 00:00:36,030 We may be able to save some relationships and further build them, but you don't want to miss today's episode. 12 00:00:37,810 --> 00:00:56,910 Intro: Welcome to the Ask Ralph Podcast, where listening to an experienced financial professional with over 30 years of experience can help you make sense of confusing questions, current headlines, and industry trends about taxes, small business, financial decision making, investment strategies, and even the art of proper budgeting. 13 00:00:57,210 --> 00:01:04,000 Ask Ralph makes the complex simple by sharing his real world knowledge from a Christian perspective with all things financial. 14 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,789 Now here's your host, Ralph Estep, Jr. 15 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,981 Ralph: Welcome to our financial Friday show. 16 00:01:10,011 --> 00:01:11,451 I'm so glad you chose to join us. 17 00:01:11,691 --> 00:01:14,061 I just want to thank you for listening and supporting the program. 18 00:01:14,571 --> 00:01:18,231 I'm coming to you from the Estep farm and the Saggio accounting studio today. 19 00:01:18,561 --> 00:01:28,251 Let me put on my podcaster hat put down those overalls and the adding machine gets moved to the side and let's get into some financial wisdom from a Christian perspective. 20 00:01:28,821 --> 00:01:37,971 Let's open God's word together for some wisdom on this topic before we even get started, this comes from the book of Ecclesiastes, these chapter four verses nine to 12, and it says this. 21 00:01:38,601 --> 00:01:40,101 Two are better than one. 22 00:01:40,731 --> 00:01:42,891 Because they have a good return for their labor. 23 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:46,491 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. 24 00:01:46,881 --> 00:01:50,361 But pity, anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 25 00:01:50,841 --> 00:01:52,791 Also if two lie down together. 26 00:01:53,061 --> 00:01:54,381 They will keep warm. 27 00:01:55,041 --> 00:01:56,991 But how can one keep warm alone? 28 00:01:57,601 --> 00:01:59,571 While one may be overpowered. 29 00:01:59,901 --> 00:02:01,761 Two can defend themselves. 30 00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:05,451 A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. 31 00:02:06,381 --> 00:02:08,061 What a powerful message. 32 00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:10,881 This passage highlights the beauty of unity. 33 00:02:11,571 --> 00:02:14,421 Especially within a marriage and other relationships. 34 00:02:14,991 --> 00:02:17,481 When spouses work together in agreement. 35 00:02:17,841 --> 00:02:19,881 So much more can be accomplished. 36 00:02:20,511 --> 00:02:22,941 The same is true when it comes to your finances. 37 00:02:23,391 --> 00:02:32,811 So today we'll be talking about why it's so important for couples to be on the same financial page and more importantly, how you can get there. 38 00:02:32,931 --> 00:02:37,551 It's great to want to be somewhere, but I'm going to give you concrete ways to get there. 39 00:02:37,971 --> 00:02:45,141 My goal is by the end of this episode, you'll have some practical tips and tools to create more financial harmony in your marriage. 40 00:02:45,561 --> 00:02:47,481 I'll be sharing from my own experience here. 41 00:02:47,781 --> 00:02:49,131 Including some money mistakes. 42 00:02:49,131 --> 00:02:50,931 My wife and I made early on. 43 00:02:51,441 --> 00:02:53,091 Let me say I made early on. 44 00:02:53,601 --> 00:02:56,751 I also pass along some advice from financial experts and other couples. 45 00:02:57,051 --> 00:03:06,921 Who have been successful at getting on the same financial page as always my hope and prayer is that you'll find this conversation helpful and applicable to your own situation. 46 00:03:07,251 --> 00:03:08,451 So let's get started. 47 00:03:08,971 --> 00:03:11,781 Now don't forget to subscribe to the show and join our email list. 48 00:03:12,081 --> 00:03:16,431 You do that at askralphpodcast.com . So you don't miss tomorrow show tomorrow. 49 00:03:16,431 --> 00:03:17,631 I'm going to be sharing an interview. 50 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,571 I did on the wise practice podcast with Whitney Owens. 51 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:25,851 We had a very Frank discussion about faith in business, and I really feel like you're going to enjoy it. 52 00:03:26,241 --> 00:03:34,371 We also just recently launched an insider's group on Facebook and I encourage each of our listeners to join the group, to continue to conversations we have here on the show. 53 00:03:34,701 --> 00:03:40,161 It's a great place to share ideas for the show, discuss your triumphs and also your challenges. 54 00:03:40,431 --> 00:03:44,391 I've already got some great conversation going on out there, and here's a little secret. 55 00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:47,451 We also give you a preview of the next day show. 56 00:03:47,451 --> 00:03:52,041 So you definitely want to sign up for this and I'll have a link to the Facebook group in the show notes. 57 00:03:52,401 --> 00:03:55,761 Well, let's get started with the topic today and that's how to get on the same page. 58 00:03:55,791 --> 00:03:56,601 Financially. 59 00:03:56,991 --> 00:03:59,271 Here are some very important truths. 60 00:03:59,271 --> 00:04:00,441 We're going to start with truth today. 61 00:04:00,861 --> 00:04:05,991 The first one, is this not being on the same financial page breeds confusion. 62 00:04:06,351 --> 00:04:10,281 It breeds stress and it really does breed conflict. 63 00:04:10,761 --> 00:04:16,491 When couples don't communicate clearly about money issues or have conflicting spending habits and financial values. 64 00:04:16,761 --> 00:04:18,981 Problems will inevitably rise. 65 00:04:19,221 --> 00:04:24,411 For example, one spouse may be focused on saving while the other ones to spend more freely. 66 00:04:24,801 --> 00:04:28,791 One may be risk averse while the other gravitates towards risky investments. 67 00:04:29,271 --> 00:04:34,311 These opposing viewpoints can lead to heated arguments and resentment over time. 68 00:04:34,821 --> 00:04:38,691 Getting aligned helps provide clarity and reduces money related tension. 69 00:04:39,531 --> 00:04:41,091 Let me share some personal information. 70 00:04:41,391 --> 00:04:44,121 The truth is my wife is a great saver. 71 00:04:44,421 --> 00:04:46,611 And it's always been that way. 72 00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:49,611 I only other hand I'm an impulsive spender. 73 00:04:49,911 --> 00:04:52,791 This has certainly created some stress and conflict in my marriage. 74 00:04:53,151 --> 00:04:58,431 And when I finally started to see things from her perspective, we really were able to get on the same page. 75 00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:00,921 And now we are truly planning well for our future. 76 00:05:01,281 --> 00:05:03,261 And more importantly for our retirement. 77 00:05:03,861 --> 00:05:07,581 As normal, I really needed to listen to her and follow her lead. 78 00:05:07,761 --> 00:05:11,931 I needed to understand what her fears were and understand what her goals were. 79 00:05:12,441 --> 00:05:15,891 The second truth is this being unified leads to better. 80 00:05:15,891 --> 00:05:18,351 Decision-making that's just the facts. 81 00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:21,591 Major financial decisions go much more smoothly. 82 00:05:21,861 --> 00:05:27,831 When spouses are already in agreement on their financial priorities and more importantly, on their financial goals. 83 00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:35,181 For instance, when buying a home, both parties need to agree on how much house is affordable, given their income and lifestyle. 84 00:05:35,511 --> 00:05:45,801 If one spouse has dreams of a luxury home, while the other envisions a modest townhouse that is going to lead to frustration, and it's going to lead to a breakdown in that relationship, I guarantee it. 85 00:05:46,271 --> 00:05:51,681 Agreeing on your overall vision ahead of major money moves helps prevent pain down the road. 86 00:05:52,161 --> 00:05:53,781 It needs to be a team effort. 87 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,991 So the seeds of resentment are not even allowed to start. 88 00:05:56,991 --> 00:05:58,791 If you don't start them, they won't grow. 89 00:05:59,211 --> 00:06:05,961 I've counseled so many couples in these areas where they just were not in alignment and it leads to some real marital problems. 90 00:06:06,341 --> 00:06:10,721 Unfortunately, sometimes that's divorce because they simply can't get on the same page. 91 00:06:10,991 --> 00:06:16,181 That's why I highly recommend having a very Frank discussion when dating and planning to marry. 92 00:06:16,331 --> 00:06:18,941 So you set a baseline for future decision-making. 93 00:06:19,301 --> 00:06:21,641 I see these people who go to premarital counseling. 94 00:06:21,851 --> 00:06:27,191 I think a good component of that is to talk about finances, pull each other's credit reports. 95 00:06:27,191 --> 00:06:27,461 Yes. 96 00:06:27,461 --> 00:06:28,271 You heard me right. 97 00:06:28,631 --> 00:06:31,481 Take a look at how the other person honors their credit. 98 00:06:31,781 --> 00:06:36,191 These are going to be things that will either build your relationship or they will quickly destroy it. 99 00:06:36,431 --> 00:06:37,481 Let's move on to truth. 100 00:06:37,511 --> 00:06:38,171 Number three. 101 00:06:38,561 --> 00:06:41,531 God desires, unity and harmony within the marriage. 102 00:06:41,921 --> 00:06:51,131 The passage from Ecclesiastes illustrates the two are better than one God's design and desire is for unity and agreement between husband and wife. 103 00:06:51,521 --> 00:06:59,831 The book of Proverbs chapter 27, 17 also says as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. 104 00:07:00,131 --> 00:07:03,881 Again, a very pointed verse, but it applies here. 105 00:07:04,211 --> 00:07:09,671 We should strive to sharpen, one another in all areas of life, including our finances. 106 00:07:10,061 --> 00:07:16,151 Pursuing unity in your money management brings your marriage more in line with God's beautiful design and that's what God intended. 107 00:07:16,391 --> 00:07:21,011 He intended relationships in marriage specifically to be a beautiful design. 108 00:07:22,001 --> 00:07:24,491 Many times I've seen finances break a marriage. 109 00:07:24,971 --> 00:07:27,971 I've also seen couples who really were able to get on the same page. 110 00:07:28,361 --> 00:07:31,211 And they worked as a team and achieved amazing results. 111 00:07:31,571 --> 00:07:33,971 It can be done, but it takes effort. 112 00:07:34,211 --> 00:07:36,491 We'll talk about some action steps later in the show. 113 00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,071 And the fourth truth is this. 114 00:07:39,581 --> 00:07:42,821 Getting on the same page is an ongoing process. 115 00:07:43,031 --> 00:07:43,361 Yes. 116 00:07:43,361 --> 00:07:44,801 You're going to hear me say it again. 117 00:07:45,101 --> 00:07:48,341 This is a journey, not a destination. 118 00:07:48,941 --> 00:07:53,831 Don't expect to have one conversation about finances and instantly be perfectly aligned. 119 00:07:54,131 --> 00:07:55,511 It's not going to happen, folks. 120 00:07:55,961 --> 00:07:58,901 Spending habits, budgets, financial goals. 121 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:03,101 These things often need regular check-ins as life circumstances. 122 00:08:03,101 --> 00:08:03,491 Change. 123 00:08:03,491 --> 00:08:04,241 For example. 124 00:08:04,601 --> 00:08:08,411 Early on my wife and I had to adjust our budget several times after having kids. 125 00:08:09,191 --> 00:08:11,321 If you have kids, you know, kids are expensive. 126 00:08:11,651 --> 00:08:14,111 They weren't part of our initial financial plan. 127 00:08:14,651 --> 00:08:19,481 So my advice is to make financial meetings, a consistent part of your marriage to stay unified. 128 00:08:19,931 --> 00:08:23,291 You've got to take the time to talk about this when the time is right. 129 00:08:23,651 --> 00:08:27,641 And both of you are relaxed and not during times of financial or other stress. 130 00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:36,131 This is not a good conversation to have when things are difficult or when they're stressed or when the kids have gotten you to your last part of the day. 131 00:08:36,131 --> 00:08:41,921 You know, these are times when you're both in a good mood, you're both calm and you can have a constructive conversation. 132 00:08:42,251 --> 00:08:43,541 So we talked about some truths. 133 00:08:43,571 --> 00:08:45,461 Well, let's talk about some actionable steps. 134 00:08:45,851 --> 00:08:48,821 Because the truth is it's all about putting this into action. 135 00:08:49,241 --> 00:08:55,541 And the first one is this, have an honest conversation about your money histories that's right. 136 00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:56,501 That your histories. 137 00:08:56,861 --> 00:09:00,401 It's all about open communication and transparency. 138 00:09:00,761 --> 00:09:04,631 Sit down together and walk through your individual backgrounds related to money. 139 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:08,531 Ask questions, like how did your family handle finances growing up? 140 00:09:09,011 --> 00:09:13,751 What money habits or lesson stuck with you, whether they be good ones or bad ones. 141 00:09:14,141 --> 00:09:23,931 One of the things that I found in my marriage, one of the stress points for us was my wife came from a place where her parents really didn't do a good job of managing their finances. 142 00:09:24,411 --> 00:09:26,841 And so for her, that is a real big stress point. 143 00:09:27,171 --> 00:09:29,661 She wants to make sure things are handled correctly. 144 00:09:30,021 --> 00:09:34,341 This is the time to explain your personal beliefs and attitudes about topics like saving. 145 00:09:34,911 --> 00:09:35,721 Spending. 146 00:09:36,321 --> 00:09:38,211 Investing and giving. 147 00:09:38,961 --> 00:09:42,051 Increased understanding leads to increased unity. 148 00:09:42,051 --> 00:09:47,151 You got to talk these things through and you've got to understand where the other person's coming from. 149 00:09:47,451 --> 00:09:48,321 Number two. 150 00:09:48,831 --> 00:09:50,481 This one is critical. 151 00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:53,181 Agree on a unified budget. 152 00:09:53,211 --> 00:09:58,221 If you're a consistent listener to the show, you know, I always stress the importance of having a budget. 153 00:09:58,551 --> 00:10:00,351 It is something you need to do. 154 00:10:00,621 --> 00:10:06,081 One major source of conflict is unclear or clashing expectations about spending. 155 00:10:06,471 --> 00:10:07,641 Creating a shared budget. 156 00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:11,061 You both buy into reduces money fights significantly. 157 00:10:11,481 --> 00:10:15,051 Use an app to track all income and expenses, then have regular meetings. 158 00:10:15,051 --> 00:10:16,281 As we talked about before. 159 00:10:16,581 --> 00:10:18,801 To assess how you're adhering to your budget. 160 00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:27,921 And if any changes are needed, these budgets aren't meant to be cast in concrete, like the 10 commandments they're going to change as circumstances change. 161 00:10:28,191 --> 00:10:32,631 Maybe you have another child, maybe you decide a child needs to go into private school. 162 00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:36,351 There's all kinds of things that will make impacts on your budget. 163 00:10:36,711 --> 00:10:39,981 But equal visibility leads to equal accountability. 164 00:10:40,191 --> 00:10:46,851 Number three, set, shared short and long-term money goals, maybe even intermediate goals. 165 00:10:46,881 --> 00:10:47,781 This is a key. 166 00:10:48,261 --> 00:10:52,551 You have to both set goals and then work on achieving them together. 167 00:10:52,881 --> 00:11:01,521 Dream together about what you want to accomplish financially, both in the next few months, maybe in the next few weeks, and then talk about long-term things that happen down the road. 168 00:11:01,941 --> 00:11:03,411 Do you want to pay off debt? 169 00:11:03,861 --> 00:11:06,051 Do you want to save up for a family vacation? 170 00:11:06,501 --> 00:11:08,241 Do you want to buy a rental property? 171 00:11:08,391 --> 00:11:14,391 There are so many things that you could do, but you need to outline the exact steps needed to reach each goal. 172 00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:16,461 Then check in off and then hold one. 173 00:11:16,461 --> 00:11:18,711 Another accountable for progress made. 174 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:22,551 Shared goals lead to shared motivation and vision. 175 00:11:23,061 --> 00:11:26,811 Number four, explore resources to grow financial intimacy. 176 00:11:27,231 --> 00:11:32,751 It's all about surrounding yourself with mentors and accountability partners who can help you. 177 00:11:33,081 --> 00:11:38,781 I don't expect you to do this on your own consider meeting with a financial advisor or a money coach together. 178 00:11:39,081 --> 00:11:41,811 Read a relevant book or article and discuss takeaways. 179 00:11:42,081 --> 00:11:45,681 This is a place where I'd highly recommend my book on mastering your finances. 180 00:11:45,981 --> 00:11:53,691 It's available at askralphpodcast.com/store it's 47 pages that will impact your financial future. 181 00:11:53,691 --> 00:11:55,281 And this is something you can work on together. 182 00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:56,481 You can read this together. 183 00:11:56,931 --> 00:11:59,001 Listen to podcast episodes on the topic. 184 00:11:59,211 --> 00:12:00,981 You can certainly go back and listen to this show. 185 00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:07,131 We've got over 400 episodes in our catalog, and you can search for a topic right from our website. 186 00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:11,061 This is a great time to attend a class at your church on managing finances. 187 00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:11,841 God's way. 188 00:12:12,411 --> 00:12:17,631 Exposing yourself to trusted outside wisdom helps cement new unified habits. 189 00:12:18,111 --> 00:12:18,831 It takes. 190 00:12:19,161 --> 00:12:23,871 People mentors, accountability, partners, all these things are just going to help you. 191 00:12:24,291 --> 00:12:27,771 Well, I hope this overview on aligning financially with your spouse was helpful. 192 00:12:28,161 --> 00:12:31,401 I hope it gives you some things that you can put into motion today. 193 00:12:32,121 --> 00:12:35,031 God cares deeply about unity within marriage. 194 00:12:35,391 --> 00:12:36,021 And money. 195 00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:37,791 Harmony plays a big part. 196 00:12:38,301 --> 00:12:44,331 Getting on the same financial page, takes some upfront work, but the longterm benefits for your relationship are worthwhile. 197 00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:45,291 They're immeasurable. 198 00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:46,881 Don't get discouraged. 199 00:12:46,881 --> 00:12:51,051 If you hit snags along the journey, we all have struggles in this area. 200 00:12:51,381 --> 00:12:55,011 Seek guidance from wise counselors as needed be patient with one another. 201 00:12:55,311 --> 00:12:58,101 And keep your eyes fixed on your shared vision. 202 00:12:58,691 --> 00:13:04,791 visit askralphpodcast.com for more episodes and resources on integrating your faith and your finances. 203 00:13:05,211 --> 00:13:08,721 Please share this episode with other married couples who could use encouragement. 204 00:13:09,141 --> 00:13:10,731 And guidance on this journey. 205 00:13:11,121 --> 00:13:20,781 And as I always say, stay financially savvy my friends, work on building trust and building these relationships together and make God bless you today. 206 00:13:22,481 --> 00:13:25,331 Outro: Thank you for joining us on the AskRalph podcast. 207 00:13:25,461 --> 00:13:29,101 And with a simple click to subscribe, we'll invite you back to our next episode. 208 00:13:29,281 --> 00:13:32,351 And remember, financial issues don't have to be complicated. 209 00:13:32,651 --> 00:13:33,691 Just AskRalph. 210 00:13:34,111 --> 00:13:39,721 The information contained in this episode of AskRalph is based on data available as of the date of its release. 211 00:13:39,781 --> 00:13:42,691 Sagio Accounting Plus and AskRalph Media Inc. 212 00:13:42,851 --> 00:13:46,201 is under no obligation to update this content if changes occur. 213 00:13:46,291 --> 00:13:56,941 Applying this information to your specific situation requires careful consideration of all facts and circumstances, and any information provided is not to be considered as financial, tax, or legal advice. 214 00:13:57,081 --> 00:14:01,031 Please consult your tax advisor or attorney before acting on any material covered.