Hey, one more thing before you go.

How do you juggle a high powered career while raising a family?

What does it truly mean to find balance and harmony with your personal, professional life?

Today we're diving into these questions and more with our extraordinary guest, Arlene Cohen Miller.

Arlene is the CEO of Jewel Consulting, a work life balance and harmony coach, and a professional certified coach with the International Coaching Federation.

I'm your host, Michael Hurst.

Welcome to one more thing before you go.

With an impressive background as the AV rated attorney and a certified meditation facilitator with a diploma in transformational holistic counseling from Australia, Arlene brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise and experience to our discussion.

Whether you're striving for work life balance, looking to lead with more compassion and humanity, which we all need, or seeking to manifest a brighter future, this episode is for you.

Welcome to the show.

Arlene.

Hello.

Lovely to be here.

Michael, you know, it's you having a wonderful, a wonderful journey that you've been on.

You contributed to society in so many positive ways, a very compassionate and a very humane way of approaching your coaching and making it a lot easier for people to understand that we're all human beings and we're all in this together and we can always work through our problems together.

So thank you.

My pleasure.

You know, I, I know that.

Are you from Colorado or do you just reside.

No, most people here aren't from Colorado.

I grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, and I went to undergrad at Emory in Atlanta.

My first year was at Ohio Wesleyan in a small town in Ohio.

Then I transferred and I went to law school at University of Kentucky College of Law in Lexington, Kentucky.

And I've also.

So I practiced law.

I never practiced law in Kentucky.

I moved from law school up to a suburb of Cleveland.

Cleveland.

Got my license in Kentucky and Ohio, then later in Colorado and so I practiced in Ohio and in Colorado.

Had you always wanted to be a lawyer?

I decided that it just like came to me like a flash of inspiration.

When I was about 15, I told my mom and dad and that I wanted to be an attorney.

And they sort of like, sort of rolled their eyes and thought I'd outgrow it.

But they were always really, really supportive.

And so, yeah, I've always, since I was a teenager, decided I was going to be an attorney.

I think that, you know, is interesting because I told you before we started, I have a law enforcement career.

So law is in my soul and in my, in my heart, my soul.

Obviously, different perspectives.

You, you were attorney.

An attorney for Family welfare, correct?

No, not welfare.

I represented men and women in divorce and dissolution, like just agreeing to dissolve in marriage and by agreement with all the assets.

I represented them in child custody cases and I was appointed by the court to represent children in divorce cases when there was alcohol or drug abuse or some sort of mental problem or emotional problem with one or both parents.

Well, thank you for your work in regard to that.

I worked at Domestic Violence for about four years in specific down in the Colorado Springs area.

And I understand that those family dynamics sometimes are very complicated in divorce and those kind of issues and children custody and all that kind of stuff.

I think all of that probably contributed to your journey in understanding a work life balance in harmony.

It did when I was.

If I had been a, if I just, I mean, after I was only in that for 12 years when I became a commercial attorney because I really, I didn't have the skills and abilities I did as a trained, you know, professional coach or the, you know, holistic counseling diploma or the meditation stuff.

When I was, you know, I was.

I graduated from law school at 25.

I worked for other attorneys for about three years and opened my own solo office in Lakewood, Ohio, a suburb on the west side of the Cuyahoga river in near part of Cleveland.

And so I, you know, I grew up in a suburb in Louisville, Kentucky with both parents and my mom stayed home.

And so I had never been exposed to any of that.

I didn't have any, I didn't have any of the training or the skills to really do it.

And I was doing it to the best of my ability.

You know, still, I was still empathetic and everything, but I feel I would have done better with.

As I started with it older, it was, it was a very challenging area of the law.

You know, it, it is it.

I think that it would be challenging at any age, in my opinion.

But I think that going into like your, your career now, where you had to kind of.

Did you refine your purpose?

Did you have to.

I mean, what sparked your interest in moving from, from the, the law arena of an attorney arena to.

And even the commercial side of it into more of a holistic approach to healing and soul connection and taking things forward in a positive way in a coaching.

I actually brought that into my practice of law and I really give my son full credit for that.

I got divorced when he was almost three.

He developed really bad adhd.

And as a mother I went on a, a journey to, you know, help heal he.

So that he could heal so that he could function in the world so that he could sit through his classes and, and learn and, and do what he needed to do.

And I just feel that, you know, it was a healing journey for me as well.

And so it started when he was 3, and when he was 3, I was about 33, and so a pretty young age.

You know, I started practicing law at 25, so it wasn't that far in my career when things started to change like that.

And I was an attorney for a very long time before we sold our practice.

I was in my late 50s when we sold our practice.

And so I'd been an attorney from, you know, 25 till then and about, I don't know, six or seven years before we sold the business.

The second practice, I sold two law firms.

I got a diploma in coaching and mentoring and in transformational holistic counseling.

And I got certified as a meditation facilitator.

Not because I wanted to leave initially before practice of law, but because I just really felt that he was going to help me be a better lawyer, a better listener, a better negotiator, just all around.

A lot of the skills that I felt were missing from the law degree and from what I was doing as a lawyer.

I just felt that those diplomas and the skills and abilities they were teaching me would, Would really help.

And, you know, as a mother and a partner and, and all those kind of things, and it really, really did.

It was like the icing on the cake.

So you think your, your son's ADHD was the pivotal moment in your life that kind of shaped the new career path it began.

It.

Yeah, it definitely began because I don't think I would have learned all different kind of healing modalities or, or researched how I could help him, which turned out how I could help myself because it is genetically passed.

And so I just feel like in his father and myself, even though it didn't manifest it the way it did in him, I can sort of feel it in my blood.

And so, yeah, I really feel that, you know, he was the impetus.

It was like they're lying dormant, and he was like the reason to really start going and.

And developing more.

Just not having that left side of the brain work the right side of the brain more, the left side of the brain working with it, you know, that feeling emotional stuff.

And what made you choose?

I mean, there's obviously there's ways of going different, like, whether it be Eastern medicine or Western medicine, whether it be a holistic approach or a chemical approach, so to speak, we're familiar with it even in our family, without going into detail.

But our.

Both my girls have.

Our girls.

Pardon me.

Both our girls have a little bit of adhd.

My wife has a little bit of adhd.

They insist I have a little bit of adhd, which if they recognize it in themselves and they're seeing it in me, I guess it's one of those things.

I probably have it as well.

You know, it is.

My wife and my daughter only bring this situation into this because my wife and our oldest daughter use more of a holistic approach.

Meditation, and they do yoga and Pilates and kind of a holistic approach to the adhd, as opposed to our younger, who kind of tries that, but it didn't give her enough focus in order to.

So she obviously goes through.

She has some medication that she uses for her adhd.

So what was your catalyst for the holistic approach?

I just didn't want him just jump in and put him on drugs.

We.

We ended up having to do that.

And once he became an adult, it's his choice.

I think he takes stuff sometimes, sometimes he doesn't.

He's.

He gets his energy out.

He has a big, like leper, big poodle dogs, whatever they are.

He goes running with that and he does a bunch of workouts and stuff like that.

So he's very.

He.

He stays fit.

He gets his energy out like that.

And he works with kids.

So he's a chess teacher and very talented at that.

And so he gets it out in other ways.

But I think he does occasionally or maybe every day.

I don't really ask him anymore.

He's a grown man what he.

What if he takes anything extra?

Well, and certain situations, I think that that obviously can be helpful and depends on whatever works for you from those perspectives.

You know, I.

I am a more.

Even with my own.

I've got rheumatoid arthritis really bad because when I get injured, I get injured.

Line of duty.

I was forced to retire.

My audience knows our immunity, knows it's been a journey with that.

And they put me on like nine different drugs, and every one of them had severe side effects with me.

And that killed me, actually.

So, you know, I went to a more naturopathic and holistic approach to my healing.

So I respect that approach because it has done wonders for me, in particular with my disease and maintaining and managing it in such a way that I can function without the different nine different drugs that they had me on.

Your.

Your coaching practice.

How did you.

I know that you.

You talk about coaching and Mentoring.

Is there a difference between coaching and mentoring?

Can you help us understand that difference?

Yeah, there is a big difference between coaching and mentoring.

So if I'm coaching you, I know that you have all the answers inside of you.

So as your coach, as your trained coach, I'll ask you powerful questions.

I will maybe share intuitions with you that I have, but I'll always hand it back to you and see what you want to do with it.

I might reflect what I'm hearing from you or your body language to help you maybe go deeper.

And I will just hold a really big judgment, free, unconditionally loving space for you so that you can explore anything you want.

And I'm not going to interrupt you, I'm not going to tell you what to do.

I hold the same space when I'm mentoring somebody.

But the difference is, is that I'm allowing people to stand in my shoulders for all the years of studying, you know, more spiritual, holistic ways of being and doing things.

And so I will share maybe different techniques and tools that they can incorporate into their lives so they can go away and practice and come back to me when they can discuss things that are going on their life and I can mentor them.

I'm not a counselor in the United States, just a mentor.

And so they're standing on my shoulders and I'm helping them in that way.

So that's, I guess, one of the reasons my business is called dual consultancy, because, you know, mentoring and coaching, you can get the same kind of results.

It's just different sides of the jewel that we're approaching things from in the way that works best for whoever I'm working with.

And, and a lot of my clients will do, you know, maybe a couple sessions of coaching and then have a mentoring session and then go back to coaching.

There's.

I don't really have rules of how you have to do things, and the soul readings that I do are just another kind of lovely form of mentoring.

Well, and I like the word mentoring because I think that also in the, at least in my conversations on this show, we've had a lot of conversations with individuals that are coaches and people who are mentors.

None of them so far have called themselves a consultant, which I like that approach as well.

I think that, you know, the fear with most of individuals that think they need or try to seek out help within themselves, sometimes the word coach scares them away.

So I think the word mentor is a very positive approach to bringing somebody into, helping us balance our lives, helping us to understand our Sole purpose and what we're supposed to be doing and recognize that.

So I think that it's a good opportunity for us to be able to help achieve a good, even a work life balance.

I think we all need.

Yeah, I mean, I guess with being.

I'm a work life balance and harmony coach, it's just a form of life coaching.

And so I guess there are good counselors and not so good counselors and good consultants and not so good consultants.

And you just.

I feel the same with coaches and mentors and you just really, it's important to find one that you resonate with that you have an affinity with, that you feel you can trust.

And so don't be afraid of us.

We're not the big bad wolf.

And you know, I wish that when I was younger and I was a divorce attorney and I didn't know what to do and I was a young mother at the same time with a lot on my plate that I'd had a coach that would.

That knew about coaching.

There wasn't that there.

I didn't have that option.

I had a counselor or a psychologist that I could go to or psychiatrist, but there weren't coaches.

And we're a great option for people.

You don't have to go into your past to figure things out.

You can deal with the here and now and what you need to move forward.

Yeah, I agree with you.

I think it's a wonderful opportunity for us to be able to take a step forward, which is what we all should strive for.

You know, it's interesting because when you mentioned the work life balance stuff, I, you know, it as a cop, when I was working on the job, it was difficult for me to get a work life balance because I was on call all the time and I was out all the time or we're all recovering shifts.

It's not a regular 9 to 5 job where you know that at 5 o'clock you punch out and you go home.

You know, so our hours were really difficult.

The, you know, the timing are called out of school, school plays.

I got called out of dinner, I got called out of the movies.

You know, this kind of.

And people ask, why do you do that?

Why do you want to be a cop?

Well, you have a positive side to it as well.

But it was very difficult to have a work life balance.

And I didn't realize that until after I wasn't working anymore in law enforcement.

Covid, just to bring that up, I think also gave us an opportunity when it reared its ugly head and everybody started Working from home and they started understanding the aspects of a healthy work life balance.

So a lot of places like my wife, they transitioned into a hybrid situation where she still, and there's a lot of people right now where she works, where they're still doing hybrid because they found that having a nice work life balance presented more opportunity for productivity, for more balance.

People working within that environment were giving more to the, to their, to their, took a proactive approach in their projects, in their work.

From that perspective, they became a better employee because they allowed them the opportunity.

You know, my wife drove an hour to an hour and 15 minutes to work every day in nasty traffic.

And you know, we're worried about whether or not she's going to get there safely.

There's accidents all over the place and it's a Phoenix metro area.

It is a huge 6 million people in this area and every day there's accidents.

Every day there's this, every, there is that you.

She went from that to the 42nd commute from the tea we were having watching the sun come up to her desk and it showed it, it was definitive to that work life balance.

How do you, well, how do you define a good work life balance?

Well, that's why we added the word harmony in there because sometimes I find that and I agree with you 110%, it is nice not to have to commute to work every day.

People that commute from where I live to Denver, the traffic is horrible.

And you know, they were going to put in trains from Longmont years ago and I don't know why it never went through or they didn't get the funding.

It's a mess.

So I can thoroughly understand and there's a lot of people that I do know, like especially in the tech industries, are working for hospitals where they can do their work from their computers, that they are working from home and very, very happy.

Especially, you know, when they have like preteens and teens with a lot of, lot of activities.

And so yeah, the work life balance for some people can be difficult because you never get to a place where it's 100% balanced.

We really need to be flexible.

We need to be adaptable.

And that's why I like to bring the word harmony into the picture as well.

Because we're not expecting perfection.

You know, things are going to go wrong.

Those mistakes are just opportunities to learn and grow.

How can we do it differently next time?

How can we best take care of ourselves so that we can do the best job we can at work and be the Best we can in other places in our life while taking really good care of ourselves.

And so it's an ongoing process.

You know, we're all works in process.

And so when there's balance and there's harmony, it's never going to be a perfect but can always be improved upon.

Like it was with your wife when she got to have that 40 second walk to her desk and she didn't have two plus hours of commuting where she could have an accident every day, which is stressful.

You need to understand why she would be a little bit calmer.

It makes complete sense.

Yeah, it was nice because on those days, because she's still working the hybrid here.

So on those days that she's home, we get up in the morning, we watch the sunrise, we have a cup of tea, you know, we relax and then she walks into work and then we have lunch together.

You know, so four days out of the week we have lunch together and dinner at a decent time.

And then three days a week obviously she goes lunch at work and it makes things nice.

It makes things, you know, she's like, yeah, this works.

I like this because I still get the interaction at work, I still get the interaction with my friends at work in the human contact.

But, but you know, she gets to stay home and, and play with the dog and you know, occasionally talk to her husband.

So it works.

Yeah, it's not like that in all fields I represent, you know, and I've helped some people in the tech industry and there's some weird ideas in the tech industry about not being allowed to leave your computer and being always available for the people there.

So I guess it really depends on the mindset of the people that you work for and their expectations of you and allowing you to have an actual life so you'll be a better employee.

So it works.

How was your experience as a working mother earlier said you're, you're working mother.

How did that influence your approach to becoming who you are today?

It's a big influence because I needed someone there.

Like I was telling you, I think I told you.

I mean my family is in Kentucky.

We were up in Cleveland, Ohio.

It's a six hour drive.

All my friends from law school who could have been a peer support, they were working either in Kentucky or in the bottom part of Indiana or Ohio.

So it was in.

My ex husband was, had just graduated from medical school, was doing his residency at the leaving clinic and working 70 hours a week.

And so I had financial support but none, nothing else.

So I really had to develop my own tribe, my own team.

There weren't any coaches.

And I mean I found, I found some wonderful.

I was a runner back then with men and women to go running with.

It was like an athletic club.

They had a really nice daycare.

A bunch of them had kids, some of them didn't.

It didn't matter.

We just put them in the daycare.

They were happy there.

You.

It's interesting because, you know, as a.

I grew up with a single mother.

My mother, my.

My father died when I was a very early age and so my mother in the 70s.

So I, I respect you for what you accomplished in regard to that because my mother at the time, as you know, in the 70s, women couldn't even have a checkbook by themselves or they couldn't get a credit card.

And it was difficult.

And the only jobs that they could have literally were a.

You had to be.

You could be a secretary, you could be a waitress, you could be.

I mean they were very limited.

The glass ceiling was not really available as much as it really should have been in regard to that.

And she struggled.

And I look back on that now and think, wow, my mother really did a good job with regard to taking care of three kids, my sister, myself and a younger brother in regard to.

To raising us in that environment.

So kudos first of all for that.

Because I think, well, I wasn't your mother's generation.

You know, by the time I was in law school, author of the class was Women and I.

I could open my own law firm, I could have my own bank account.

I could do all those kind of things.

And yeah, but it does impact you.

My, I've been married twice.

My second husband, his dad, dad was killed in a train wreck when he was around three and his mother's sister moved in with her and they moved out to Colorado and she helped to raise my ex husband and his sister.

And you know, he's very grateful for that.

But.

But that had a huge impact on his life and only to have, you know, one parent.

Yeah, it does.

And it shows.

I mean it also shows the tenacity and, and the fortune fortitude that individuals have when you're faced with obstacles and how you can.

Can come through them and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is opportunity for you to move forward in a positive way, which is what you treat.

I mean, you have a, you, you present a concept of transformational.

Let me try that in English.

Transformational healing.

And you know, I think we all have to we ought to look deep within ourselves, within ourselves.

And, you know, you have to have a compassion.

You have to have heart.

You do.

You do something called heart alchemy.

Can you help us understand what that is and how it.

Yeah, so I help people and because for the first part of my life, for some reason, you know, maybe that's part of the reason I became an attorney.

I'm really good in the head, but I was really reticent to let.

To feel my feelings.

You know, I didn't feel that it was okay to feel certain feelings.

And really, if you don't feel your feelings and let them move through you, they're going to get stuck in your body to cause disease or stuck in your mind and cause mental stuff.

And they're just a feeling.

They're not who we are.

They can feel really horrible.

They can feel really wonderful.

They're simply feelings.

And so, you know, through lots of training and working in that kind of spiritual kind of realm, just learning how to feel my feelings, allow them to move through, through me and to replace them with, with more love or more what I call sacred qualities like kindness or compassion or calm assurance.

So I'm letting stuff go that doesn't work and allowing other things to come in.

And so I really love to help people to do that, because a lot of people are only.

They only want to feel the, quote, good stuff, but if we don't feel the, quote, bad stuff, it's going to fester.

That's a profound statement.

I think that people should understand.

I had to learn that through some of my own journey as well.

I suffer from ptsd, and it took me a long time to recognize that in my profession, you're taught to sequester and push down your feelings and not have those feelings.

You can't cry, you can't be scared.

You can't, you know, I mean, there's so many.

You can't be depressed.

You can't be.

Because you're helping other individuals and you may come out of the situation.

You can't do that.

Because if you show do that, and I'm not saying this as a fact, this is what the profession perceives.

If you do that, then you're weak and you're not, you know, you can't be weak in those particular sessions.

So it ingrains upon you to push your feelings down and not, not use them, not, not to allow them to be felt.

You, you shouldn't feel, you know, scared again.

You shouldn't feel when you come up and have to arrest Somebody you.

You can feel compassion, but you can't show compassion.

You can.

You know what I mean?

So it's a situation that, you know that you should be making these.

You.

I still.

I'm retired for.

Wow, 20.

I'm going to age myself.

I may have to digitally cut this part out.

I'm pretty up there, too.

I think I retired 23 or 24 years ago now, so it's been that kind of a journey for me.

But I still have trouble crying.

And it comes through conversations.

And it comes through conversations with people like you, where we start talking about what's normal, what should be normal, or what we feel or society perceives as normal.

And we have to understand that what's normal for me may not be normal for someone else.

What's normal for them may not be normal for me.

And that we have to allow ourselves to be able to feel and to understand and have that compassion, the humanity, and be able to express our feelings in a way.

Yeah.

And, you know, when I first started this path, I was really frustrated as well, because I couldn't cry.

People, you know, we'd be in some.

Some sort of workshop thing, and people were bawling their eyes out, and I'd be like.

And now it's like, I don't know.

My oldest granddaughter is in dance and she's 15 and she's gorgeous and she loves it, and all I have to do is watch her and I'm crying.

And one of my girlfriends, I have some friends, a whole set of friends in Australia, and she has her own dance studio.

And I got to go to see the Christmas show a couple times.

It's amazing.

I mean, I just sit there, cry the whole time, and it's like, it's.

To me, it's the best feeling.

If I.

If I feel a little bit depressed about something, I am excited.

I am so excited because for years I was lit.

I literally could not feel.

Because I just feel like that some of the messages I got were.

And my parents were lovely, but.

And they just brought things down from their generation to me, that it was okay to be upset, that.

But just a little bit.

To be a little bit angry, but not a lot angry, you know?

And so a lot of things, a lot of emotions were discouraged.

And I just started.

And then if I.

If I expressed them, then there was a penalty, but they were just literally.

I mean, I love my mom and dad.

I don't have them anymore, but here on this earth with me.

But they were doing the best they can with how they were raised.

And so, yeah, and so it took me years to let go enough and go through this kind of spiritual, kind of transformational process, holistic thing that I could cry and if I was.

If something was touching my heart.

So I understand what you're saying completely.

I will admit to the fact that I did cry at my youngest daughter's college graduation.

I did cry just a little bit at my daughter's.

My oldest daughter's wedding.

Okay, a little bit.

Had a little, you know, a little.

Something in my eye.

Got a little something in my eye.

But, yeah, it's difficult sometimes.

And occasionally I.

I get to a point where my wife will come in and go, just cry.

You know, I'll be watching something and it's heartwarming, and she'll see my.

My eyes will tear up just a little bit, and she's going, it's okay.

You can just let it go.

But I still have a hard time doing that.

See, and it's probably becomes the same thing, what you just said.

The intergenerational aspect of my life, growing up in the dysfunctional family that I did, you know, it was in me having to be.

Grow up, theoretically.

Quotes, air quotes.

You know, I had to grow up, be the man of the house.

It, you know, it was ingrained upon me at an early age.

And I think that we all should take the opportunity to kind of learn to explore those feelings, which I've been doing lately.

So it's one of those things.

I appreciate what you do because you're allowing individuals to kind of open up within themselves.

And the heart alchemy, allowing your heart to feel.

You can't see my Italian hands moving everywhere.

Allow them to feel, you know, and understand that that's normal.

It's okay to do that.

And.

And so I appreciate that.

It's amazing.

You mentioned something earlier about soul readings.

We both kind of mentioned it.

Can we touch upon how soul readings kind of pertaining to this?

I've had a lot of conversations with mediums and psychics and, you know, metaphysical individuals that we talk about where your souls come from and where.

Where it may be going and so forth.

How do you do a soul reading and how does that incorporate into helping people heal?

Well, I.

What I do is I heart connect with the person I'm doing a reading with.

I use psychic tarot oracle cards, and I use them as a mentoring tool.

So I infuse the cards with a lot, a lot of love, and they'll pick a certain number of cards.

I'll pick a certain a certain number of cards, and I'll lay them all out, and then I'll tell them the opportunities that are available to them, the challenges they have, how to move around them, give them some tips and tools for their life.

I like for them to record the session, if they would, if they.

I always encourage that because then they can use the reading, maybe for the next three months to really guide them moving forward.

And I guess the reason I love them as a mentoring tool is that as adults and I have done readings for some kids, but the parent has to be there, is that we're.

We're visual, we can be audio, we can be kinesthetic, and we can be a bunch of different things.

And if we sort of bring all of those together in one place.

When you're getting, like a reading and it's.

It's mentoring is helping you.

You know, you're holding a space of love.

You're helping.

You're acknowledging where someone's at.

There's no judgment.

You're.

You're there to help them acknowledge their progress and how they can move forward and what they need to let go of and how to do it.

It can be a really profound experience for somebody.

I know that.

I really love it.

And it's just a great, you know, tool to connect with someone's heart and have them have that feeling as well.

Because, you know, you're.

You're holding this big judgment, free space of unconditional love.

They're in your energy field, but they're not.

And not allowing them to jump in your energy field.

And I just, I just love it.

And most people that get readings love it because it's a.

It's a different way to be mentored.

We're.

We're both contributing because we're both picking cards and we're both, you know, can have a conversation together.

And I think that part of transformation within ourselves, we didn't understand that we do have a mind, body, soul connection.

That mind, body, soul needs to be able to connect in such a way that it will allow us the opportunity to accept what needs to be accepted and move forward with what and let go of things in our past that don't belong with us anymore.

You had received a look at my notes here really quick.

You had received a diploma in transformational holistic counseling from Australia.

Did you travel to Australia to do that?

I.

A lot of the people I.

The coaching school I went to is in Australia, and I still am a.

I'm a professional certified coach with the International Coaching Federation.

And I help to train them in a part of their training, you know, when they're like on the ground doing coaching with each other.

And so I have a bunch of friends from that and I have a bunch of friends the who went through the transformational holistic counseling.

So I usually go to Australia like once a year, hang out with my friends, like minded souls and it's really lovely.

I love Perth, Australia on the west coast of Australia.

And yeah, I do that.

And so it's a business pleasure kind of thing and it's a very heart opening part of my life.

How important is it for us to recognize that we.

This might be the wrong question, but I'll ask it anyway.

And if, if it isn't, then we can rephrase it.

But how important is it for us to understand that we have an opportunity to transform into something that we or someone that we really want to be or should be.

I think it's really important because I work with people, train their inner critic into an inner coach and one of the first things that I share with them is that blah blah, blah, blah blah is that most of us, we install that we put it up there for a reason.

When we were younger and we didn't have the tools and skills to protect ourselves because lots of parents and lots of society says that it's better to be hard on you now.

So if someone's mean to you later, it won't hurt as much.

So I'm going to be harder and refer on you now.

And then we take that on.

And so for example, using that as an example since we installed it in our body and systems as a mode to protect ourselves supposedly.

But we now we want to be more kind and caring and, and bring out that inner coach who champions us and, and helps us to step forward with more grace, ease and flow.

We can, we can practice the tools to let that old stuff go and to dissolve it because we put it in our bodies and systems questions to begin with.

So of course we can transform and go.

What happens is though oftentimes like the soul, the spirit will be really excited about a new way that we can practice experiencing more light and love.

But the human bit of ourselves wants to sit on the table and eat potato chips and wants nothing to do with transformation.

And we have to be the loving adult and say you're coming along for the ride, my friend.

I'm sorry that I put you in the driver's seat.

A lot of times you didn't belong there.

You're going in the backseat now.

I love you.

I'm going to take care of you.

But we're moving forward in this direction that's going to be better for both of us.

I.

I like sitting on the couch eating potato chips.

You don't have to totally give that up in order to transform your inner critic into an inner coach.

That's a good thing.

I don't do too many potato chips, but just the right amount, you know, that's part of my soul.

Needs them.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

It's interesting.

I think the opportunities that we have been presented in life, in our journey here on earth, that allow us to be able to move forward and understand we all have a purpose.

And that purpose sometimes need to.

We.

We need to address that purpose in a way that we can help others move forward as well.

You do that in what you're doing now.

I think you've transformed your own self, your own identity into something that is a very progressive part of other people's lives, giving them opportunity to heal.

With everything that you combine together, I think it's a brilliant opportunity for us to be able to improve ourselves.

We.

What should we as individuals recognize?

Maybe the top three or four things that we should recognize within ourselves to show us that we probably should seek out your services or somebody like you.

Well, I feel like I know one of the things that I used to be is that I was really, really, as an attorney, was really stressed and wound up and I had a.

The woman that facilitated the class was transformational Hol and counseling allow allowed her to counsel me, but I wasn't a very good, I don't know, student or whatever of it.

I didn't take on that, you know, the advice that she gave me of how I could let go of that stress and have a lot more ease, grace and flow in my life.

So if we're stressed, if you're stressed out, if you feel overwhelmed, if you feel brought burnt out, if.

If life just feels difficult and you know that there's a place inside of you that's ready and willing to, like, open up to more courage and joy, more grace, ease and flow.

This kind of stuff is really helpful because it's not like we have anything wrong with ourselves that we can't exist in the world and continue to move forward.

But why not move forward with more joy?

You know, why not move forward with more gray season flow?

Why not move forward it with a more of an open heart and more comp.

Compassion and less of that old paradigm that we have to suffer to be holy.

It is really not kind.

And it's really not a part of who we have to be anymore.

So it's not like there's something wrong with us that we have to do it, but it's something that we want to do for ourselves so that we can have a clearer, brighter, more joyful life and that we can have a more full cup with love and not feel run out of that all the time.

Time.

And that is going to enrich the lives of the people around us as well.

I think that's brilliant.

Do you feel that earlier we kind of mentioned this and touched upon it a little bit.

The things we talk about, what brings forward from our ancestors and dropped into our laps, so to speak.

I call it intergenerational trauma.

I was introduced to that term a couple years ago on a conversation here on this show, actually.

And the more I started understanding intergenerational trauma and what society and culture has pressured or put people through in order to get who we are, shape us as to who we are.

Do you think that we, as society and culture have kind of started opening up a little bit to the fact that there is an intergenerational trauma and things that we need to let go of that our ancestors have dropped in our laps that don't work for us any longer?

Absolutely.

I do work with it energetically, and I'm happy to share how I do it.

Because there are.

Anytime you have an interaction with somebody, anytime someone thinks of you or think you think of them, anytime you have a reaction to something, energetic connections are established.

And so we can cut those energetic connections like.

Like having a beautiful golden cylinder come around our bodies and just gently cut any energetic connections that are not about love and have them healed with his golden healing light.

But our genetic and our sexual cords, connections and attachments while the other person is alive cannot be cut.

But we can work with what's called the universal violet flame, which is just a violet light or a violet flame.

It's the.

The.

The energy.

It's the seventh ray of swords.

It's the energy of the new age of Aquarius.

Aquarius Part of it.

And we can just ask it to flood through all of our energetic connections that cannot be cut.

And it'll flood through all of those genetic cords, connections and attachments, all the people that you've had sex with, whether it's full on text or just that kind of energetic zing between two people.

And it'll transmute and transform those connections into love.

You have to do it on a regular basis that way.

And you can also, because we're in a physical body, we're also energetically connected to the mind of humanity.

Now, I don't want to be connected with the mind of all men and all women on this planet.

That would be.

I would be flat on the ground.

So I also asked the violet flame to flood all of my energetic connections with the psyche of humanity, psyche of all men and women.

So because I'm in a physical body, I'm connected with them.

And so, yes, it is there.

But energetically working with the violet flame and cord cutting, as I've mentioned, can cut energetic cords, you know, on a daily basis.

It's something we have to do, like we're brushing our teeth, so we're cutting those energetic connections.

The loving ones will always remain.

And we can flood those energetic connections that cannot be cut with this transformational energy.

The other person or parties are benefited, and so are we.

So that we're not.

If they.

If, you know, you're married and your spouse or your sister or your nephew has a bad hair day or gets really, really upset about something, we don't automatically feel horrible because we're genetically corded with them.

And if with.

With our kids, we're energetically connected through all of our chakras.

So, you know, it's really important to flood all that with a violet flame, and it helps them as well.

That positive way of working around that.

I like that.

I think that, you know, again, I do agree with you.

I think that we're all connected as humanity.

We are all connected together, all from the same source.

And I think that that opportunity that you just presented gives us kind of a pause, I guess, a little bit, so that we can reflect within ourselves.

Intergenerational trauma is a.

Is.

I have come to find out in.

Intergenerational trauma can cause many, many issues, and that it does have to be dealt with in such a way that you can really release it in a positive way.

And it sounds like you have a pathway towards that.

Well, let me just clarify here.

This can help with intergenerational trauma.

That does not mean that you might not need to have the assistance of a professional to talk it out and to completely let it go.

You know, Know if you work with cohort cord cutting in the violet flame and there's other energetic tools I teach in my weekly spiritual classes, and it helps.

That's great.

But sometimes it goes so deeply, you know, and that we really need an extra party's help.

And it wouldn't be like the coaching.

It might be beyond the coaching or mentoring that I do, it might be counseling.

So I'm not saying that no one's ever going to need that.

I'm just saying.

Saying that it's a big help for everybody to cleanse and clear those energetic connections that cannot be cut.

Which I agree.

I think that's.

I agree.

Well, let's talk a little bit about how somebody can get a hold of you in connect with your coaching from the heart.

I love this coaching from the heart.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So my website is Jewel Consultancy J E w e l consultancy.com just1l or you can always text me if you're in the US or Canada.

720-936-2634.

That's the fastest way to reach me.

You can always mention this show.

So I know how you found me.

So I do.

I'm a coach, I'm a mentor and I do soul readings which are a part of the mentoring.

I do help people to bring balance and harmony into their lives.

I do help people to transmute and transform into love, fear based patterning and programming and other things that are holding them back and teach them how to cleanse and clear themselves and fill themselves with more love.

And we do that with soul readings as well.

It's a part of mentoring.

So I love to do all that.

If that interests you, you can always text me or you can just text me and ask me a question because you saw me in the show and a question came up for you, for you.

That's fantastic.

And I'll make sure that's in the show notes as well so that they have an easy access to at least clicking that and finding your website and the your contact information will be on the web page as well.

This has been fantastic.

Arlene.

I really appreciate what you've shared with us.

Your journey, your experience, your wisdom, your heart.

So thank you very much for being on the show.

I appreciate it.

This is one more thing before you go.

So before we go, do you have any words of wisdom?

I guess I would focus.

I love to share with people the focus of this like this trinity, kindness, patience and tolerance.

So those are sacred qualities.

And I encourage you to be kind, to be patient and to be tolerant with yourself and that will help you to be kind, patient and tolerant with your life and other people in your life.

And that will help to fill your cup up with love so you'll have more love to share that overflow with others.

Brilliant, brilliant words of wisdom.

I appreciate those.

I'm going to write them all down and stick them on my computer.

Remind me every day.

Remind me every day again.

Arlene, thank you.

It's been a great.

It's been a pleasure.

Thank you very much for coming on the show.

I really appreciate meeting you and having this conversation.

I hope we can have another one down the road.

That would be lovely.

Well, again, I will make sure that everything is in the show notes so that people are an easy way to contact you.

And one more Thing before you all go.

Have a great day.

Have a great week, and thank you for being here.

Thanks for listening to this episode of.

One More Thing before you go.

Check out our website@beforeyougopodcast.com youm can find us as well as subscribe to the program and rate us on your favorite podcast listening platform.