Today I have the pleasure of introducing Kelly Ann Garnett.

She is the founder of Sacred Dating, a transformational path for women who are ready to call in deep conscious partnership.

Drawing on decades of personal growth, teaching, and the principles of spiritual psychology, Kelly guides women over 40 to date with clarity, confidence, and radiant self worth.

Her approach honors dating as a sacred journey, one that invites spiritual alignment, emotional authenticity, and trusting inner knowing.

Welcome, Kelly.

It sounds like a weird topic to have on our show today, but we, we have talked about it and we are going to have fun with this one today.

So welcome today.

Kelly, thank you for being here.

Thank you guys for having me.

I'm so excited to be here.

Thank you so much.

For those of you who have been following us for a while, you know that every once in a while we do this show called Pot of Palooza and we get guests on and we don't always have a topic, but it always works out perfectly.

And we had these wonderful, wonderful discussions.

So that's why we're so excited to.

Have Kelly here as well.

So, Kelly, talk a little bit about your main, you know, your main passion, what you're doing right now, and then we're going to kind of turn it into family re education of love as well.

Yeah.

How.

How did you get into the sacred dating space?

So I've been in the dating and love space space for years, but I've also been teaching.

And so it's been a challenge to build a coaching practice and teach at the same time.

So I finally got the.

The benefit of this year, this past year, moving to San Diego and getting to focus now on the coaching full time.

I am still substitute teaching, so I'm still in the classroom, but it became a sacred dating journey when I went through it myself.

And I realized that if I really want a serious relationship, then I need to date seriously and be very conscious and conscientious about how I'm approaching the dating world, especially online dating.

Exactly.

And one of the things we like to, you know, talk about with our families and stuff is, you know, how are we being those good role models for our children?

So if you are into the dating world, if you're looking at this going, oh, my gosh, how do I balance, you know, raising my children if I'm a single mom, single dad, et cetera, or and I still want to date, how can we do this in a way that really makes sure that our children understand the significance, the sacredness of it, how we look, do it in a conscious way?

So let's kind of start there.

What would be a tip that you would give parents who are dipping their toes back in saying, okay, I think I'm ready to go back out there, but I've got these kiddos to worry about at the same time.

Yeah.

So it's, you know, for me, I always felt it in interesting.

And, you know, your approach is your approach, and I honor everybody's decision about this, but you are being.

You hit it on the nail on the head.

You are being the role models.

And one of the things that our children need to understand is coping mechanisms.

And I feel like what I experienced in the classroom, especially my last year of teaching, where I had a lot of only children, their coping mechanisms were lacking.

And I think it's so important, you know, as parents, you get this really beautiful opportunity to show them how to cope.

And I know a lot of times parents want to show the kids that everything's fine and I'm fine and, you know, there's nothing wrong here, and I'm just doing life as powerfully as I can.

And yet, like a swan, you're, you know, struggling underneath the water.

I think it's so invaluable to let your children know, you know, I'm having a hard day, and here's how I'm going to get through that day.

When it comes to starting to date now, if you're going out on a date a week, you obviously don't want to necessarily introduce them to your children.

But I always found it interesting when parents choose not to bring somebody into their child's life because what if it's not the one?

Well, people come in and out of our lives all the time as adults, and we have to learn how to navigate that.

We have to learn that some relationships are a season and some are forever.

So I think it's important for them, you know, to be a part of the experience.

Not, obviously, the nitty gritty, but to understand that, okay, mom or dad is wanting to be in another relationship.

And here's, you know, kind of how I'm going to navigate that, especially because you're giving them tools to set them up for success when they start to date and.

And meet people if they're not already.

So you, you also talk about conscious dating about.

About what, what is.

What is that?

So it's not just like randomly meeting somebody and going out on a date, because that's not what they're after.

It's like, so someone with children is looking probably for.

For different things than.

Yeah.

So how do we start the Conscious dating.

And what is that and what does that look like?

So conscious dating is about clarity first and foremost.

And so with my clients, I help them to get really clear about what they want to experience in the relationship, especially because it's likely they want to experience something different than either their marriage or the last serious relationship that they had.

One default that happens is we can date the same person by a different name.

And so we want to shift out of that and make sure that I. I want to.

I loved these parts of my relationship.

I didn't like these parts of my relationship.

So with those things, I want to shift them into something different.

Right.

So I didn't like how we communicated.

So in my next relationship, I want to make sure that we have really good communication tools and skills that we bring to the table.

So it's really about being super clear about what you want to experience and then dating from that place.

I personally, you know, said years ago that I want to be in a serious relationship, but then was kind of trying on different people instead of really being super honed in on.

I need a certain person of a certain caliber.

And if I'm not meeting that, if they're not there based on things that I would find in their profile or how they communicated with me, then I was a no.

I might consider meeting in person.

Maybe they're having a hard time with the communication online, but it's likely that I'm not gonna.

This isn't gonna be a match.

And so it's really navigating it so clearly and succinctly so that you are bringing in a relationship that you really want to have and, you know, have that modeled healthy connection with your.

For your children.

I love that.

Because, I mean, again, if we want to bring this to the kid level, right?

When you're going through that step stair, step of looking for who you want in your life and your relationships and things like that, you can generally talk about that with your kids.

What kind of friends do you want.

To have growing up?

Yeah, values.

Do you want to have connection with, you know, oh, do you always want to hang out with people who only play video games?

Do you want to hang out with people who want to do the real life hiking and running around and things like that?

You can model that stuff with your kiddos.

So like you said, absolutely.

Here we are.

You're both working on it at their.

At the level that you need, and we're still experiencing and growing as a family.

I love.

I love that.

I love what you're.

How you're connecting that with the.

With their friends and who they want to spend time with because they're some of my students.

You know, it was a love hate relationship, and they were drawn to each other for whatever reason, but then they would fight over things and, you know, helping them to understand, like, how do you want to feel in this relationship?

And making sure that you have a voice and asking for what you need.

I always would tell them, like, you know, they tattle.

Ms. Garnett so and so said this or did this.

And they said, okay, well, did you use your voice and speak up for yourself to say what you need and.

Or tell them like, hey, I don't like when you do that.

So I love how you're making the connection of your journey in dating and their journey in having relationships, even just friends.

Yeah, I called them for my boys when we were raising our boys.

I called them frenemies.

You know, it's like they're friends, but they're enemies because all you have to do is fight.

Do you really want to hang out in that space all the time?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So when you, when your clients get to a point where they do feel like they want to, like, introduce their kids to the person they're dating, have you gone through that with them?

Have you kind of helped them kind of figure that out a little bit or what might be a tip to help that ease that a little bit.

So definitely, again, the more you can involve your children within a.

Obviously a certain amount of boundaries in.

In the process, the better.

I know when my parents divorced and my.

My step.

My mom remarried pretty quickly and I was three, so when she remarried, I was four and a half.

So I didn't have the languaging and understanding.

And I.

And still it's important to sit your children down either way.

And that's what my dad did.

I was 11 when he got remarried.

So he sat me down and said, you know, I'm thinking about asking my wife or my girlfriend to marry me.

And, you know, sitting me down, just being really open and communicative with them because the more that they feel let in, the more that's going to develop a healthy bond with that person too.

Because that can be a challenge for sure.

Especially when, if you've spent a lengthy amount of time together, just you guys as a family without the extra new person, then that can be a bit of a struggle.

Yeah, I'm gonna say we don't have a lot of necessarily personal experience with that because I kind of went to college with intentions.

I was a smart kid.

I knew I was going to get a degree, so I went to college to find a wife, and I had a plan.

And it's like my freshman year, I was gonna kind of date.

And if I got serious with one, if I wasn't in love and wanting to marry that person within a year or whether it's like, that should be long enough, it's like, then.

Then we're going to be done.

Whether it's like, we might like each other, but if it's.

And so I went in with a plan, and the first girl I ended up with, we've been together since 1989.

So the whole dating thing, it's like I was terrible at it because I just.

I just got one and done.

So I love how clear you were, though, Herb.

That's the exact thing was just having that clarity of like, I know what I want, I know what I'm.

But I didn't know what I wanted.

I didn't have it for the person I was going after.

So I.

In that respect, I got incredibly blessed.

Blessed.

Definitely.

Yes.

But I wanted to jump back there to how you were talking about introducing, because even as an older person, when my dad and mom split up, I was in college, I was older.

Right.

And my dad was solo for a while, and.

And whenever he met the person that he wanted to marry, even as an adult child, he didn't really talk about it.

All a sudden, here she was.

And all of a sudden stepping on my toes.

The show.

But it's okay.

But, you know, because I was.

I was taking care of Dad.

I was making sure that he had what he needed, and we had a really close relationship.

We were talking, and then all of a sudden, this other person was in and just like, boom.

And I felt like I was kind of being pushed out.

And we fixed things, you know, kind of since then.

But, yeah, it's really important to have those discussions and, you know, let.

You're not being replaced, but things are going to look different or to feel a little bit different even.

Even with your older.

Yeah.

Children.

Because even there was.

There's quite a bit of family drama because there wasn't a lot of communication because we got him a comforter for Christmas, and it's like he was living alone and like, hey, hopefully this is, like, right for you.

Manly enough and is like, well, he's got a girlfriend.

And so she took that as a slight, but nobody ever told us that they were together.

There was this big, weird family drama because nobody ever Told us it's like, what, what's going on?

So community is, is a big factor in so many things that we talk about because our generation didn't come up with great communication skills.

That's true because we were modeled them absolutely right.

And I really wish that my parents probably on the regular because again, at four and a half I didn't or three, I didn't have the ability to really communicate or be clear about what I was going through, but just kind of checked in and said, you know, are you okay?

Do you need any support?

And had I had some therapy when I was of the age to really dive into it, I think my whole dating experience and journey would have been completely, completely different.

So I think it's really important to offer that as an option if you're willing to have your children go to therapy.

So I've got a kind of a interesting question for you.

You're working with a client, you're doing your conscious dating.

They're coming up with their profile.

And you look at their profile and you see all sorts of stuff.

It's like, be careful what you wish for.

You don't really want that in a guy.

How do you approach your client when they say, oh, I want a man who cries and is an emotional.

And it's like, no, you really don't.

How do you help them really wrap their mind or get that clarity to their not so clarity?

So I focus in on more of what you want to experience versus the checklist.

I really help my clients to stay away from a checklist because the checklist is going to be more or less the ego where what you want to experience in your relationship is going to be more heart centered and soul centered.

And so if you want a man who cries, maybe it's, I want to be with somebody who's emotionally intelligent who is able to express himself emotionally and in healthy ways.

There you go.

Yeah, so it's just reframing it to be, you know, actually would be more of we are able to express ourselves in emotional, healthy ways and put it as a we versus a me versus you.

Yeah, that, that makes sense.

It does, yeah.

And of course we can reframe that to the kids the same way as they're growing.

It's like, how do you, how do you want to experience your life?

How do you want to, you know, interact with this new person?

Right?

Oh, that would be something I would just think I was just thinking of, you know, as you and your child.

How do you want to interact with the new person?

That's coming into our lives.

Right.

What.

What could be right?

Either boundaries or some things that you would want to experience to get to know this person a little bit better kind of thing.

And when it's.

When it comes time.

And what's great about that, too, is that you are kind of creating a blueprint to live by, and then you can support your children in saying, okay, so remember, you know, having it written down somewhere.

Remember how you said you wanted to have this happen, show up in this way or whatever.

Do you feel like you were doing that today and what could we do to shift that?

Or maybe you want to change this.

Maybe this isn't where you want to.

How you want to show it.

Maybe you want to, you know, revise it.

So just having those really deep, clear conversations with your children is, you know, incredible and such a gift for who and how they'll develop in their adult years.

Yeah.

You create that intentional relationship with.

Inside of your family as well as with the person that you're dating.

Yes.

Probably even more important to.

For that communication and that intentional communication within the family that's already there as well.

Absolutely.

It will spill over to all areas of your life and how you show up at work and how you show up with your family.

You know, parents, siblings, you know, the extended family, not just your person that you're dating or your children, but it can just be, you know, in all areas of your life.

Exactly.

So what about.

I don't know.

My.

My brain just went blank.

Sorry about that.

You got.

Well, because, you know, we're kind of.

Kind of off the topic of what you.

So there's a specific top part of your talk that you usually get into that you haven't talked about yet that you're like.

This would be really relevant to our conversation.

Well, so part of the re.

Education of love, I would sit with my students and talk to them about what that means, what is love?

And I think we all have been bought into or have bought into this idea or most have bought into this idea of it's, you know, the love songs and the movies and the love stories, the fairy tales.

Right.

And so I would sit down with my students and say, listen, I taught at a Catholic school, so I would say God is love.

Right.

And he is always there to support us.

Whether you believe in God or a higher power or just your heart, it's always there, full of love.

And so you don't need to seek love outside of yourself, because it's always within you.

Again, always within your heart, always within your higher power.

And it's not like somebody.

I would tell them it's not like somebody.

And this is second graders that I was talking to.

I said, it's not like somebody is coming with a platter of love and giving it to you.

Right.

When, when somebody's giving you love, it's you having an experience where the loving is getting activated inside of you.

So if somebody's giving you a hug, your loving is getting activated inside of you.

If somebody is, you know, singing a song to you or you're having a play date and you're having so much fun with them, that's the love getting activated inside of you.

So I, I, because my parents divorced and I always felt like, oh, there was a missing when it came to love in my life.

And it informed how I dated and wanted to fill up that missing love, therefore creating unhealthy choices or toxic relationships that didn't do what I wanted.

Now, thank God I've met someone who is exactly.

Hi, is.

Is aligned with that.

I wanted the children and for you that are looking to get out there or already in a relationship to remember that love is activated from.

It's already inside of us.

And it just gets activated by the way we show up or the way somebody else shows up and how we engage with them.

Yeah.

One of the most, like, things that I hear that, that actually kind of makes my heart hurt is, is like when people want to hear people say, oh, yeah, I love that person.

She makes me feel like.

And then it's like, okay, now you're putting all of that pressure and the love is on how you're feeling.

And it's like, while people think of love as a feeling, I consider love as more of an action.

It's like, okay, I love this person.

I want them to feel this way.

Yeah.

And so even if I'm feeling bad, even if I'm angry at them, I still want to have them have an experience.

And so I, I, it's the way I act, not necessarily the way I feel is where love comes into my life.

And so I love that.

So that's something that I, that I try and put out.

So, yeah.

Red flag is, oh, yeah, that person.

I love the way I feel when I'm around them.

It's like, that's great, but it can't be that.

Yeah.

It's not that they're doing it.

It's.

I mean, yes.

Feel it is Feel good around them.

Absolutely.

But it's not because of them.

And it's not put on them.

I. I think too, I noticed with some of my parents that their love for their children is so profound, and they place it kind of the responsibility of that love on their child.

And that's the.

Having children is the greatest experience you can have and of love.

Excuse me, but it's not because of them.

It's the experience that you're getting to be a parent and love them and support them and being amazing adults.

But to put all that pressure on them.

You know, I don't know if you guys watch the Goldbergs.

It's one of my favorite shows.

And the mom on that, they call her a smother.

And she.

She puts all her love.

I mean, you think that.

Well, I'm not going to go into that.

But it's just inappropriate ways of loving her children that it's like, they're like, get out of here, will you, lady?

And yet she can't get enough of them.

And they're her everything.

And so that's, you know, kind of aligned with what you're saying.

Herb is like, don't put that pressure on somebody else to fill you up that way.

Just know that, oh, that's inside of me.

And these different people or experiences activated even more.

Yes.

I love that connection because it kind of ties into.

One of the talks that I give is whenever families are facing big challenges, if the parent is going through a lot of stuff.

Right.

Sometimes they don't share with their child.

And so then the child, because they think, oh, I'm responsible for making mom and dad happy.

I'm responsible.

They're upset with me.

Etc.

Yeah.

Have that communication about, no, this is something that's happening with me.

You're not responsible for me.

I love you dearly.

And, you know, don't.

Don't put that pressure on me.

I won't put that pressure on you.

Really have that open communication.

So they don't get that sense of, oh, I, you know, I've let Mom and dad down again, or, oh, I can't make them happy today because something.

And it has nothing really to do with them.

Yeah, well, and that's aligns with what I was saying before is to be really open like this.

I'm struggling right now and here's what I'm going to do to support myself.

And it doesn't have to you to have nothing to do with this.

You are just my child and you get to be a kid.

And here's what Mom's going to do or Dad's going to do.

I always tell my Students, how can you support yourself?

So what I'm going to do to support myself while I'm having this hard time is I'm going to, you know, and let them know so that they can start to learn coping mechanisms when they go through big challenges.

But then also, like you said, to let them off the hook because it's not their job to take care of you.

Yeah, exactly.

Not yet, anyway.

I love this conversation.

This has been so wonderful.

Thank you so much.

So many, so many different ways we could go.

Like about the wounded hearts and how to re.

And how to trust and all of that stuff within the family.

This could go in so.

Sorry.

This could go in so many different ways.

But unfortunately, we're getting close.

We're really close to the end of time.

So before we.

We get going, is there something that you would have liked to have said today that we didn't get to?

It's like, man, I wish we'd have gone there today.

We went crazy places.

But it's like, man, oops, I missed this part of my message.

And then make sure you tell everybody how to get a hold of you.

So I just always encourage, if you are looking to get back out there again, that no matter what, there is hope, have hope.

Know that if this is something you really want to experience, it's possible for you.

No matter the age, no matter how many children you have, no matter where you're at in your life, you're not broken.

You deserve to have the love that you want.

So keep having that hope that it's possible.

And you can reach me at sacred hyphen dating.com and I have a free swipe with certainty session to help navigate if you either have a profile, if you're doing online dating, or want support with writing.

Excellent.

Perfect.

And for all of our single, you know, parents out there, you know, really take this in to heart.

Right.

We want to make sure our children are growing up happy, healthy and successful.

Successful.

And they can do that by learning from you how to be happy, healthy and successful with the support that you need when you're making those big changes.

Yes.

Because there are a lot of families who aren't able to stay together anymore.

And it's not the fault of the children and so being.

And sometimes it's not even the fault of one of the partners, so being willing and able to get it back out there.

So thank you for being here today.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

Thank you.

Thank you for.

For being open and.

And being here.

It's just.

It's just been wonderful to talk to you.

Thank you guys so much.

It's been my pleasure.

Absolutely.

All right, audience, you know what to do.

It is time to subscribe and like and share.

Help other families out there who need this information.

Right.

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Let other families know we're here and help everybody raise happy, healthy, successful kids that can learn and grow and be awesome.

Awesome.

Exactly.

Awesome.

All right.

Bye for now, everybody.

Bye for.