Speaker: 00:00:05

Hi, I'm Leila Ainge, psychologist and researcher.

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Welcome back to Psychologically Speaking, a podcast all about human behavior, bringing

together fascinating research, insights and real life experiences.

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This season, we've been exploring goals with our guests and we're following them into the

new year to see how their beliefs, behaviors and actions shape those intentions.

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My next guest is the wonderful Bhavini

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also known as Bhav and she is the creative spark behind B81 Designs, a place where design

goes from just okay to love it.

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She's honed her craft in the corporate world, but after redundancy, she quickly realized

she could have more fun and most importantly, better coffee running her own show.

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Her designs have playful touches, clean layouts, and strategic white space and bold pops

of color that help businesses stand out from the

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I love spending time with Bhavini and I've heard all about a story to do with a childhood

rabbit Bhavini welcome to the Psychologically Speaking podcast.

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It's great to have you here.

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Hi, I'm really excited to have this conversation with you.

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Thank you.

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So, just a little bit of background.

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Earlier this year, you stood up It was the Doing It For The Kids event.

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And you told everybody about a rabbit from your childhood.

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And this has

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directly influenced, where you are right now.

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I just wondered if you would briefly tell our listeners about that.

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And do know the funny thing is it wasn't until maybe sort of five or six years ago that I

realized exactly how much influence this had had over where my career has gone.

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So when I was at nursery, we got given white Peter Rabbit statues to paint and...

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my statue looked like a rainbow had like exploded all over it.

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was every single colour you could imagine and I was really proud of of this creation.

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When I got him home, the reaction I got from my mum wasn't the same as my reaction I had

towards my rabbit and a few days later he'd been painted white.

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So my mum had covered up all the

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beautiful colors I'd thrown at this rabbit.

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She painted him white, giving him some black outlines for his eyes and then that rabbit

stayed in like a display cabinet for a very long time.

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Just, you know, just sitting there in the living room every day I'd see this rabbit and

over the years that white paint started chipping off and it started at the base and you

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could see like the little layers of

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colours popping through in bits where the white had popped off and yeah like I said it

wasn't until so maybe five six years ago that I realised hang on this has had a major

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influence on where I am now and how my career has gone like I my design journey started

off in an agency and then I was working in the corporate world where everything is very

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dull.

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You know, we've got to be a certain way to appear professional.

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And then when I set up my own business, it felt a little bit like what was going on with

that rabbit where the paint that was white and dull and boring was being chipped away and

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all the sparky colours and the creativeness was coming through.

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It's such a beautiful story.

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mean, obviously it's horrendous that your poor rabbit got painted white.

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I think though, very relatable if you are a parent whose child does come home with many

wonderful creations.

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We've all been in that place and I now look back at my childhood and think, God, all that

pottery I used to take home to my mum that I thought was amazing.

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Exactly.

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But it's such a metaphor really, isn't it?

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Around how we do suppress who we want to be and not just us suppressing, but we're

conditioned to kind of go, that's a bit too much or let's whitewash that.

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And that literally happened in your childhood.

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And I think it's lovely that then you've taken this story and you've kind of said, right,

now I'm going to talk about this because it's really important.

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Yeah, the talk that I did at the Doing It For The Kids meetup was the first time I've ever

told that story out loud.

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And I'll tell you what, Leila that collective gasp that went through the room was like

therapy.

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I still remember it.

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I was in that audience and yeah it was I think we all just went she did what?

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Yeah, yeah, and I could see the reactions on people's faces and this was the first time

I'd ever done any public speaking so I was a bit, oh, is this the right way to start?

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Is this a good story to tell?

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And I just went with it because my gut said yes, it was the right thing and I'm so glad I

didn't try and sort of whitewash the story down and turn it into a different kind of talk.

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And it just, it really says something about you and what you stand for.

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And I know you as somebody who is a very, you know, bright and joyful and we joke about

coffee.

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and that does come through, I think, when I see your design aesthetic it's just such a

joyful and lovely thing to be truly ourselves.

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100%.

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what is your goal for 2026?

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So this year I started working on myself and my mindset quite a lot because I felt like I

was...

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not chasing anything.

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I was letting work come to me rather than sort of going out and really asking for what I

wanted.

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So I started working on my mindset.

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I worked with a mentor this year and I've really worked on growing my self-confidence.

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And as part of that I also started working on a rejection challenge that Liz Mosley has

had a lot and I've had a lot of fun doing that.

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So my goal for next year is a little bit related to all of the stuff

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that I've been working on this year and it's to share more of my work online because I've

stopped doing that and I don't have a valid or good enough reason about why I've stopped

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sharing my work and no it's fear of rejection isn't it that is why I've stopped sharing my

work because I'm worried about what other people will think and I think I need to put that

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to one side and just share the work.

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well when you say share the work, what is sharing the work?

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What work exactly?

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brand identities that I've worked on, I've worked on a couple of impact reports this year

for charities.

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There's branding that I've created for really, really lovely clients over the last two

years.

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And I haven't, I haven't shown it off to the world.

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I haven't put it on LinkedIn or on Instagram.

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And the less I've done it, the more it's become this thing of, no, I can't share my work.

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What will people say?

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What if nobody likes it?

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What if people say something horrible about it?

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And I've just stopped sharing.

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And presumably your clients have all been thrilled.

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Absolutely.

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You know, we've, I've worked quite collaboratively with all of my clients from the very

start of a design project.

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And so it's not like, you know, I say to them, right, this is the design.

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This is, this is what you've got to have.

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We work until we're both really proud of the end result.

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Whether that is a journal or a brochure or a brand identity.

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it doesn't get signed off until we're both myself and the client are really, happy.

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So there's nothing there that would make me think, oh, I can't share that.

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It's something I'm not proud of.

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It's something the client isn't proud of.

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So then we start to think about your own platforms.

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So which platforms are you on and which spaces would you be sharing?

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em So I am on Instagram and LinkedIn and I've my own website as well so I need to post my

work on Instagram.

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You know it's a very visual platform so it's perfect for sharing that.

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I need to post my work on LinkedIn because that is where the clients that I want to work

with in the future hang out.

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And of course I need to post on my own website because that's what's mine, right?

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And so I'm going to just play back the phrase that you've used, which is I need to.

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I need to post on Instagram.

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I need to post on LinkedIn.

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I need to post on my own website.

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What would flip that to from I need to I want to?

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That's a really good question.

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I'm not sure I have the right answer to that.

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And I think that would be really useful to explore the motivation behind it.

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And so I've asked a leading question there around your own platforms and sharing.

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So then why do then your own control and linking back to the rejection challenge, I think

a little bit here, we tend to do things in spaces where we feel safe and we might go for

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things that we think we're not going to fail at.

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So putting things in your own space is it fully in your control and you can fully curate

it if we take the spirit of where you've been this year, I would then say, so that's

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great.

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And we do need to think about how you get from need to want, but let's think bigger.

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That is a really good idea though because like I said this year has been about building on

that self-confidence, going in search of rejection to continue building on confidence.

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So yeah I should go bigger shouldn't I?

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What would that look like?

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okay, so immediate answer.

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It's something like sharing in groups and platforms where I know there are other peers who

I admire, whose work I admire.

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I don't know where else that's the first thing that comes to mind like groups that I'm not

necessarily always active on or groups that I'm part of where it's full of amazing

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designers but I'm automatically saying to myself I'm not as good as them

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And it's really interesting, this visibility, how it comes up for people.

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The central part of my imposter phenomenon research was saying how we do eventually, we

all kind of hold back in spaces when we see other people being the things that we desire

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to be and we want to be.

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And there is a magic.

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point in there around when we can relate to people behind the scenes that then we don't

feel that way.

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And again, I'm just going to probe here because for people who don't know you in the

communities in the same way I do, there must be, you hinted at it there, there are

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communities that you probably feel that you spend more time in and are closer to, yes?

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Yes, definitely.

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Freelance magazine, I'm probably not as active in, but being freelance and doing it for

the kids, I've been a member of those communities for quite a few years now and know

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everybody quite well.

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And I think that's part of it, isn't it?

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Is that when we think we know who our audience is, we come back to this idea of the

imagined audience.

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So if you're aiming to put your stuff out into a space that you wouldn't normally spend a

lot of time in, then a strategy might look a bit like connecting with a couple of people

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in that community prior to doing it, to strengthen.

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And so we've got these three interrelated concepts if you've got confidence.

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Mm-hmm.

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confidence is all about doing the thing.

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So it's something that comes and goes and it gets better with practice.

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That is it.

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No short-cut.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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You've got self-esteem, which is built up and knocked down and built up and knocked down.

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But you've also got that self-worth.

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And I think here, this isn't about confidence or self-esteem.

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It's that self-worth, isn't it?

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So the self-worth.

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is going to thrive when you can build those good relationships with people.

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Prior to putting your stuff out there, which is the practice part of the confidence, isn't

it?

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is, yeah.

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So that might be a strategy.

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So, so far that looks like the online world and space.

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Is there anything that you could do outside of online to share your work?

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So I have been going to a lot more networking events this year.

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um But they're not really events where I would go and immediately share my work.

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um But they are events where I will make connections with people, I will have

conversations with people.

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And eventually if there is a way that I can share my work, I would send them links to my

portfolio.

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But again, that's...

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online rather than actually sharing work in person.

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I don't really know how I would go about sharing in person.

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this year you've done a talk and you've the Peter Rabbit talk.

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Did you repeat that?

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Did you do that somewhere else or?

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haven't done it anywhere else, I've done my one talk and that is it!

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How about something really stretching?

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How about taking your talk and bringing in elements of your portfolio into your talk?

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and I guess I have already kind of done that because if I think back to sort of the slides

that I created to share with the talk, obviously the slides were created by myself, but

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the examples that I used within that talk were examples of work that I had created.

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So yeah.

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That's just a really natural way for you to kind of go, and this is an example of my work.

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This is, you know, this is what I did for this client.

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So this is an impact report I was really proud of.

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And, and that moves your story into, you know, really talking about what you've got and

showcasing.

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that feels very stretchy but also...

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It in with everything I've been doing this year quite well, doesn't it?

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And it feels like a natural extension of something like the Rejection Challenge.

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Yeah, yeah, because you're essentially pitching to do more talks and those talks become

more aligned to your business and you're not necessarily using a story, which is a great

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story to use, but that is just one part of it.

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It's not the whole thing.

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Yeah, yeah, exciting.

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Tell me then what steps.

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you need to take to get your portfolio updated on your own platforms and in your own

control.

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So as you can imagine, I'm quite particular.

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If I'm going to share on Instagram or on LinkedIn, the visuals have to look good.

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So what I need to do is take the final, you know, if we're talking about a branding

project, take the final parts of the brand identity that I've created, create some

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mock-ups, so visuals that show off the logo, the colors, the typography.

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show off any merch that I might have designed and created to go along with the identity,

turn those into a carousel and start uploading them.

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And how long does that take?

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I mean, that's a bit like asking how long is a piece of string, I guess.

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I will admit, I sometimes let the idea of it has to look perfect take up far too much

time.

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And then, you know, when you've allocated a particular amount of time to create these

visuals, I'll run out of time.

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However, doing the actual, creating the actual visuals doesn't take that long.

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It's maybe a half an hour job.

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But it's me needing it all to be super perfect that takes time.

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Does it need to be super perfect?

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No, no it really doesn't.

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It's a simple answer.

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And then a follow-on from that would be, does this feel then like a habit that needs to be

developed?

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And I think what I need to do is get into the habit of really being strict with the time,

creating it, whether it's creating the carousel poster show on Instagram or LinkedIn or...

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You know, I don't differentiate the content that I put on Instagram or on LinkedIn.

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It's the same thing.

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The only thing that's slightly different is when I put up a gallery page on my website to

show the work.

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it's the same visuals just in a slightly different format.

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tell me about habits that you've got in other areas of your life.

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quite good at sticking to them when I set them.

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I like weightlifting.

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So I've got, I've made that into a habit of how many times a week I do it, how long I

spend doing it.

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And it's just something that comes really naturally to me now.

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How long have you been doing that,

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years.

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Five, six years maybe.

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Yeah?

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And what's kept you motivated, do you think?

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That time is just for me.

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My kids don't need anything.

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The husband doesn't need anything.

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The rabbits don't need anything.

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The clients don't need anything.

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It's my me time.

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Whether I am at home and I've got an audio book in or I'm listening to some music and got

the weights out in front of me.

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It's just, it's me.

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It's time for me.

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00:18:40,096 --> 00:18:44,659

And so developing your portfolio and getting it out there is self-worth time.

219

00:18:44,659 --> 00:18:49,862

that's, know, it's adding into your self-worth bank.

220

00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:59,035

So I wonder if thinking about it as this is a self-worth task m rather than it's an admin

task or it's a bolt on or something you to do afterwards.

221

00:18:59,035 --> 00:19:11,608

really like that thinking of it as a self-worth task and then like you said with the

confidence the more you do it the more it comes actually the more I do it the more fun it

222

00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:16,433

becomes I guess and when it's fun it's not a I've got to do this

223

00:19:16,535 --> 00:19:22,883

And that's where we lead in next is, how can you make this fun and easy?

224

00:19:23,632 --> 00:19:26,846

Yeah, I know how I can make it easy.

225

00:19:26,846 --> 00:19:38,397

I'm a massive, massive lover of pen and paper with a list and a nice highlighter that I

can then mark off once I've done it.

226

00:19:38,397 --> 00:19:44,664

I know I could look through all my client projects that I've worked on for the last two

years and write down everything I need to share.

227

00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:45,552

Mm.

228

00:19:46,490 --> 00:19:53,095

and that is there in front of me then that would make it easy rather than, I've got a bit

of time, what shall I share?

229

00:19:53,095 --> 00:19:58,635

it reduces the mental load completely because you do the task once, once and done.

230

00:19:58,635 --> 00:20:03,975

I've made the list, I've decided what's going to go where, I've not got to do that bit of

thinking again.

231

00:20:04,168 --> 00:20:11,873

I know it's gonna make me sound really sad but I really love nice highlighters and pens

and paper so actually that would probably make it quite fun for me as well.

232

00:20:11,873 --> 00:20:17,499

We are a designer, That's one way of making it fun and easy.

233

00:20:17,548 --> 00:20:25,847

And then with things like strength training, we get automatic feedback loops because you

get that endorphin.

234

00:20:25,847 --> 00:20:26,542

235

00:20:26,542 --> 00:20:35,490

feeling good, and potentially you've also got other feedback which is maybe you find it

easier to open jars or, you know, lift things.

236

00:20:35,687 --> 00:20:41,449

yeah, you might be using 10 kilo dumbbells one week and then the following week you're up

to 12 kilos.

237

00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:45,969

you can see, like immediate feedback

238

00:20:46,085 --> 00:20:48,698

So here's the curious thing then, isn't it?

239

00:20:48,698 --> 00:20:55,327

So when we put stuff out and our underlying belief is, what will people think?

240

00:20:55,369 --> 00:20:59,887

that says something about where we're expecting the feedback to come from.

241

00:20:59,887 --> 00:21:02,128

Yes, okay.

242

00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:10,230

So if I asked you to think about that differently What kind of feedback can you trust and

work with?

243

00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:17,003

own feedback firstly and actually the client feedback and those two I guess are the only

things that matter really.

244

00:21:17,003 --> 00:21:17,459

Yeah.

245

00:21:17,459 --> 00:21:25,471

Because as long as the client's happy, the work has hit the brief, as long as I am happy,

actually that feedback is the most important, isn't it?

246

00:21:25,471 --> 00:21:34,655

I wonder if there's a way to share the self-worth, the confidence and self-esteem that

comes along with this.

247

00:21:34,655 --> 00:21:43,979

So when you deliver a project to a client and they love it, you know, that feeling is

reciprocated, isn't it, between you both as a partnership.

248

00:21:44,079 --> 00:21:50,877

If you're then doing almost like a show-reel highlights of work in next year in 2026,

249

00:21:51,029 --> 00:22:01,886

how you know you could potentially use that leverage of the double boost to kind of say to

a client I'm going to highlight this next month because it was such a cool piece or I

250

00:22:01,886 --> 00:22:14,172

really enjoyed it and again that again it centers it away from you and it enters it

towards the client which is where your initial energy was focused.

251

00:22:14,545 --> 00:22:17,066

yeah, yeah.

252

00:22:17,066 --> 00:22:24,859

And actually, along with the work, I guess the other thing I could do is share the snippet

of feedback from the client.

253

00:22:24,859 --> 00:22:29,989

And that potentially makes it feel nicer to put it out there as well, doesn't it?

254

00:22:29,989 --> 00:22:33,969

does, it's really natural and you know it's that social proof thing isn't it?

255

00:22:33,969 --> 00:22:43,930

It's like here's what this person thought, this isn't just my opinion So let's think about

then everything that could possibly get in the way.

256

00:22:44,202 --> 00:22:48,667

As Taylor Swift famously said, I'm the problem, it's me.

257

00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:51,015

me, and you know I'm a Swiftie!

258

00:22:51,458 --> 00:22:52,778

I do, I do.

259

00:22:52,778 --> 00:22:54,721

I love that song so much.

260

00:22:54,721 --> 00:22:56,702

She's so right.

261

00:22:57,343 --> 00:23:00,084

So what, get really specific with us.

262

00:23:00,084 --> 00:23:02,846

What is going to hold you back?

263

00:23:03,316 --> 00:23:04,927

the mind monkeys really.

264

00:23:04,927 --> 00:23:18,787

I know me and I know I can get into the habit of, no I don't have time, oh no I can't

share this, the caption isn't quite right or you know whatever it is, it is me making the

265

00:23:18,787 --> 00:23:20,961

excuse and I know that now.

266

00:23:20,961 --> 00:23:21,849

Mm.

267

00:23:21,969 --> 00:23:24,152

Doesn't matter if it was two years ago.

268

00:23:24,152 --> 00:23:26,045

The client's still really happy with the branding.

269

00:23:26,045 --> 00:23:27,957

The branding's still in use.

270

00:23:28,899 --> 00:23:30,182

Why shouldn't I share it?

271

00:23:30,182 --> 00:23:37,107

I'm imagining a really lovely bingo card with some of these phrases on it.

272

00:23:38,228 --> 00:23:42,011

And I'm imagining you having this in front of you.

273

00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:47,545

and ticking each and every one off every time I'm trying to create something to share.

274

00:23:47,545 --> 00:23:49,196

Yeah, this one came up today.

275

00:23:49,196 --> 00:23:51,040

this one came up four times today.

276

00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:57,223

We all know intrinsically what is holding us back when we've done that work and you've

done that work this year.

277

00:23:57,223 --> 00:24:02,486

You've done that deep dive into what do I need to move out of my comfort zone?

278

00:24:02,486 --> 00:24:10,909

So next year really is just having a strategy to keep noticing it and not to be

complacent.

279

00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,749

And a way to do that is just to...

280

00:24:12,749 --> 00:24:17,423

to make it into some fun, to have a laugh with yourself about it.

281

00:24:17,579 --> 00:24:18,701

absolutely.

282

00:24:18,701 --> 00:24:29,659

And this is why, one of the reasons why this was the goal that I wanted to set was because

didn't want to get to the end of this year and look back and reflect on 2025 and all the

283

00:24:29,659 --> 00:24:33,534

work I've done and then not build on it next year.

284

00:24:33,534 --> 00:24:34,495

hear what you're saying.

285

00:24:34,495 --> 00:24:36,846

I think that's a great goal.

286

00:24:36,846 --> 00:24:38,411

I think it's a wonderful goal.

287

00:24:38,411 --> 00:24:45,141

So talk to me about time scales and specifics in terms of how much do you want to share

and buy when.

288

00:24:45,141 --> 00:24:49,821

So I hadn't really given any thought to time scales and anything, if I'm honest with you.

289

00:24:49,821 --> 00:25:02,762

However, look, I'm going to be really realistic because I know if I say I'm going to share

one project every week, that won't I've got at least sort of 20 to 30 different projects

290

00:25:02,762 --> 00:25:04,562

that I haven't shared.

291

00:25:04,763 --> 00:25:10,695

if I aim for a minimum of one, but a maximum of three,

292

00:25:10,695 --> 00:25:16,838

every month for the first six months of next year, to me that's realistic.

293

00:25:17,780 --> 00:25:29,638

I think it's realistic is because I will be super strict with with the time I am not going

to tell myself that every project needs a

294

00:25:30,183 --> 00:25:40,773

really amazing caption to go along with it or I need to put, you know, three hours into

writing two paragraphs or two sentences about the project.

295

00:25:40,773 --> 00:25:41,833

I don't.

296

00:25:41,864 --> 00:25:53,812

I wonder if a way to progress with this might be, as you do design projects next year, is

to think about this as you're doing it.

297

00:25:53,812 --> 00:26:02,414

While you're in that zone, you're in that creative space, and not to delay that cognitive

effort, if you like.

298

00:26:02,414 --> 00:26:05,576

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

299

00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:10,121

Yeah, and I used to be so good at that a few years ago.

300

00:26:10,121 --> 00:26:19,198

As soon as a project was done, I would share it online maybe within sort of a month or two

of it going live.

301

00:26:19,198 --> 00:26:28,957

I'd always make sure that the client had launched or the report that I'd been working on

had gone to print and the client had shared it first before I put anything in my portfolio

302

00:26:28,957 --> 00:26:30,758

or on my social pages.

303

00:26:30,927 --> 00:26:34,492

yeah, I used to be in that habit of this is done.

304

00:26:34,492 --> 00:26:36,294

Let's get the visuals ready.

305

00:26:36,856 --> 00:26:44,264

I'm not using being too busy with client work as another, you know, item on that bingo

card.

306

00:26:44,530 --> 00:26:55,758

And I'm just curious to explore ever so slightly here that there's obviously a shift in

the why, the big why behind what you're doing this because at the start you were doing it

307

00:26:55,758 --> 00:27:01,202

more regularly and perhaps there was a different motivation and driver to do that then.

308

00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:07,419

You've talked about that ease of once you stopped doing it, it was easy not to do it

309

00:27:07,419 --> 00:27:08,651

What changed?

310

00:27:08,651 --> 00:27:11,404

that motivation to where you are now?

311

00:27:11,404 --> 00:27:13,246

There must be something different in your business.

312

00:27:13,246 --> 00:27:21,632

Yeah, I think I can probably pinpoint a moment and it was an issue with a client project

It must have been good four or five years ago now.

313

00:27:21,632 --> 00:27:24,693

Unfortunately, the client relationship didn't end well.

314

00:27:24,693 --> 00:27:27,014

Client was unhappy with something.

315

00:27:27,014 --> 00:27:29,458

But it wasn't my fault.

316

00:27:29,458 --> 00:27:33,020

I was constantly told that it wasn't due to anything I had done.

317

00:27:33,020 --> 00:27:42,967

was the client had not signed off stuff And the client didn't want to take any

responsibility for it.

318

00:27:44,409 --> 00:27:46,060

Really, really tough.

319

00:27:46,060 --> 00:27:50,112

And it was such an amazing project to be part of.

320

00:27:50,264 --> 00:27:50,952

Hmm.

321

00:27:50,952 --> 00:27:56,352

And I worked on it with a couple of other freelancers as well.

322

00:27:56,913 --> 00:28:02,893

it just soured the experience, I guess.

323

00:28:02,893 --> 00:28:09,173

And I've never once shared that project online because, I don't want to.

324

00:28:09,173 --> 00:28:17,445

Even though was a great project to be part of, I don't want to speak about the client and

I don't want to share the work either.

325

00:28:17,445 --> 00:28:22,848

I think that was a bit of a point of, this rubbish stuff has happened.

326

00:28:23,484 --> 00:28:25,421

And I kind of started falling out of the habit.

327

00:28:25,421 --> 00:28:30,494

now and then I will share something, but it is sporadically.

328

00:28:30,494 --> 00:28:33,056

It's not how it used to be before that.

329

00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,051

That's really interesting.

330

00:28:35,051 --> 00:28:36,964

Thank you for sharing that.

331

00:28:36,964 --> 00:28:40,167

I think people will get this because it happens.

332

00:28:40,167 --> 00:28:44,851

Our work and our output isn't everything goes smoothly.

333

00:28:44,851 --> 00:28:45,851

It just doesn't.

334

00:28:45,851 --> 00:28:54,136

In business, we all have those projects that sound amazing that might not actually come to

anything and you put a lot of effort into it

335

00:28:54,223 --> 00:29:04,780

And it's interesting to share how that does impact our motivation one thing in our

business journey just changes how we think about stuff.

336

00:29:04,844 --> 00:29:28,705

I mean I've been freelancing for 14 years now and this is the only thing that has happened

in that 14 years that has made me doubt myself or question myself and it is the only time

337

00:29:28,705 --> 00:29:31,651

that a client relationship has

338

00:29:31,651 --> 00:29:33,676

has turned out in the way that it did.

339

00:29:34,301 --> 00:29:37,079

So talking about it today then, because I've

340

00:29:37,159 --> 00:29:39,264

I know I wasn't expecting this.

341

00:29:41,602 --> 00:29:45,327

to put some psychological safety back into this conversation.

342

00:29:45,327 --> 00:29:56,360

I've asked you to think about something that you don't want to think about I wonder if you

know what strategy you've used with that up till now

343

00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,099

when you say what strategy I've used with it, do you mean like

344

00:29:59,099 --> 00:30:01,618

coping strategy with what happened.

345

00:30:01,618 --> 00:30:05,491

So initially, I didn't cope with it very well.

346

00:30:05,672 --> 00:30:13,128

And I did have some sessions to talk about it because I just couldn't wrap my head around.

347

00:30:13,390 --> 00:30:19,578

how a person was not able to take responsibility for an error

348

00:30:19,578 --> 00:30:31,852

having those sessions really did help me take the emotion out of it a little bit, zoom out

they made me kind of go over everything that I had put in place with the client, all the

349

00:30:31,852 --> 00:30:34,424

work we'd done, conversations we'd had.

350

00:30:35,235 --> 00:30:44,642

and look at it as a bigger picture and realize that actually I had done every single thing

I had been asked to do by the client, everything I had agreed to do, and I'd done it in

351

00:30:44,642 --> 00:30:46,212

the best way possible.

352

00:30:46,894 --> 00:30:51,368

unfortunately, sometimes errors slip through.

353

00:30:51,368 --> 00:30:55,963

I am very much the kind of person who if I make a mistake,

354

00:30:55,963 --> 00:31:00,405

I will speak to the client, I'm going to hold my hands up, I've made this mistake, what

can we do to fix it?

355

00:31:00,585 --> 00:31:10,650

And I guess because the client didn't look at the situation in a similar way I didn't know

how to cope with it, I didn't know how to handle it.

356

00:31:10,951 --> 00:31:13,713

Yes, that was a tough few months.

357

00:31:13,713 --> 00:31:19,016

Now, whenever I don't think about that quite any, like very often, but when I do...

358

00:31:19,813 --> 00:31:28,546

My first focus is on, yeah, but I did everything in the way that I do everything.

359

00:31:28,546 --> 00:31:30,111

I was quite diligent with it.

360

00:31:30,111 --> 00:31:32,373

It was the client's responsibility.

361

00:31:32,714 --> 00:31:38,538

Actually, I I'm not to blame.

362

00:31:38,538 --> 00:31:40,189

It is not my fault.

363

00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:48,217

that's really interesting because that lands that immediate justification reminding

yourself you're not at fault.

364

00:31:48,217 --> 00:31:58,940

I wonder if there's something around a new narrative with this chapter, you know, almost

putting it into a new place, a new story.

365

00:31:58,940 --> 00:32:05,107

the way you crafted the Peter Rabbit story and spoke about it was really, you've got a

real gift it was beautiful.

366

00:32:05,107 --> 00:32:16,775

So if we were to tell a story about this, which isn't necessarily what happened to you,

but just something more general, which is shit happens, you know?

367

00:32:17,075 --> 00:32:19,037

And it isn't always your fault.

368

00:32:19,037 --> 00:32:19,558

Yeah.

369

00:32:19,558 --> 00:32:23,292

And I wonder if just having a narrative on that.

370

00:32:23,292 --> 00:32:30,711

it just means when you are going back that's a different feeling or emotional response

that comes with it.

371

00:32:30,891 --> 00:32:38,158

And what we're trying to do there is decouple that feeling that came along or the result,

which was, I don't want to share my stuff.

372

00:32:38,158 --> 00:32:40,960

I don't want to put something out that didn't feel good.

373

00:32:41,365 --> 00:32:43,848

Yeah, yeah, I like that idea.

374

00:32:43,848 --> 00:32:46,071

And actually, there's a bit of downtime.

375

00:32:46,071 --> 00:32:49,286

I take a bit time off over December, January time.

376

00:32:49,286 --> 00:32:59,359

So there's a bit of downtime coming up where I'll have the space to actually think about

how this story could be flipped on its head.

377

00:32:59,410 --> 00:33:04,417

if you're looking to do more rejection stuff next year and getting onto podcasts, story,

isn't it?

378

00:33:04,417 --> 00:33:07,119

it's something that a lot of us experience,

379

00:33:07,533 --> 00:33:14,136

We don't talk about it enough and actually I haven't spoken about this.

380

00:33:14,136 --> 00:33:19,068

The other freelancer involved in the project obviously knows about the situation.

381

00:33:19,068 --> 00:33:22,640

I haven't ever spoken to anybody about this.

382

00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:29,835

It's one of those things that I've just dealt with and I guess buried it a little bit.

383

00:33:29,835 --> 00:33:31,015

But...

384

00:33:31,755 --> 00:33:43,915

I'm pretty sure it would be quite helpful to others to hear that, you know, shit does

happen, but that doesn't mean that's the end of the world or the end of anything, really.

385

00:33:44,233 --> 00:33:56,353

So right back at the beginning, I said, you know, with imposter research, we know that uh

the imagined audiences and not quite knowing how people are going to react to things can

386

00:33:56,353 --> 00:33:58,705

hold us back from putting stuff out there.

387

00:33:58,705 --> 00:34:08,222

But when we start to share authentically and when we share not just the positives, but

also the stuff that's not quite right, then that's the stuff that deepens our

388

00:34:08,222 --> 00:34:09,153

relationships.

389

00:34:09,153 --> 00:34:09,829

390

00:34:09,829 --> 00:34:13,888

reduces in poster experiences not just for ourselves but for others.

391

00:34:13,888 --> 00:34:24,881

So there's essentially something here where a circle moment of you by putting stuff out

there both the good and also you know having a narrative about things that haven't gone so

392

00:34:24,881 --> 00:34:28,422

well is you're making it easier for other people to show up as well

393

00:34:28,422 --> 00:34:30,582

Yeah, that's a really good point.

394

00:34:30,582 --> 00:34:31,155

Yeah.

395

00:34:31,155 --> 00:34:34,237

I'm very excited about your goal.

396

00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:39,257

I'm just going to summarize and correct me if I've got any of this wrong.

397

00:34:39,257 --> 00:34:46,226

I think you're looking to put out one piece of client work a month in 2026.

398

00:34:46,405 --> 00:34:52,626

You're going to potentially have a bingo card or something with some phrases that...

399

00:34:52,626 --> 00:34:58,738

might often come up when you're thinking of doing this, is don't overthink it, you know,

it doesn't have to be perfect.

400

00:34:58,738 --> 00:35:00,278

And do you know what?

401

00:35:00,278 --> 00:35:06,265

can absolutely see this bingo card being sold as a product.

402

00:35:06,265 --> 00:35:09,471

I think that's something that you could brand and

403

00:35:09,971 --> 00:35:12,163

Yeah, we all do it to some degree, don't we?

404

00:35:12,163 --> 00:35:23,522

And you're also going to look at opportunities to showcase that work outside of your own

circle of control or influence.

405

00:35:24,945 --> 00:35:27,418

links putting yourself out of your comfort zone.

406

00:35:27,418 --> 00:35:30,833

embracing this amazing rejection challenge and...

407

00:35:30,833 --> 00:35:40,047

Liz Mosley has her own podcast and she's got whole episodes dedicated to this so I'll link

to that in my episode.

408

00:35:40,047 --> 00:35:42,170

Yeah, I...

409

00:35:42,170 --> 00:35:44,728

Lizzie's just such a lovely person, firstly.

410

00:35:44,728 --> 00:35:45,912

I just...

411

00:35:45,912 --> 00:35:51,837

I love this challenge and the way she's put it together and shared it with the world.

412

00:35:51,837 --> 00:35:52,687

It is brilliant.

413

00:35:52,687 --> 00:35:55,389

And I take a lot from other people.

414

00:35:55,389 --> 00:36:05,736

So I had Hannah Isted on the podcast last week and I know her and um Liz, they work

together quite a lot as kind of business friends.

415

00:36:05,736 --> 00:36:09,889

there's a lot to be said about that, the communities we're in are so important.

416

00:36:09,889 --> 00:36:13,892

and I absolutely love that they share those behind the scenes.

417

00:36:13,892 --> 00:36:16,243

they recently shared again how they met.

418

00:36:16,623 --> 00:36:23,008

I can't remember which way round it was, but either Liz or Hannah had a podcast and one of

them was where,

419

00:36:23,079 --> 00:36:25,237

Hannah was like, why is Liz doing this?

420

00:36:25,237 --> 00:36:25,757

doing this?

421

00:36:25,757 --> 00:36:26,758

I want to do it.

422

00:36:26,758 --> 00:36:33,740

And rather than seeing her as competition, she became friends with her, and they've done

amazing stuff together.

423

00:36:33,740 --> 00:36:37,821

And I have so much love for that story.

424

00:36:37,941 --> 00:36:39,249

It just, it does.

425

00:36:39,249 --> 00:36:50,753

And seeing what they've achieved together in the last four or five years just goes to show

that when you actually, when your mindset is collaboration over competition, look at what

426

00:36:50,753 --> 00:36:51,803

you can do.

427

00:36:51,825 --> 00:36:53,985

Exactly, exactly.

428

00:36:53,985 --> 00:36:56,485

Well, I'm going to catch up with you.

429

00:36:56,485 --> 00:37:00,596

So are you going to start your challenge in January or we going to start earlier?

430

00:37:00,596 --> 00:37:02,297

That's a very good question.

431

00:37:02,297 --> 00:37:04,230

I'm going to start in January.

432

00:37:04,451 --> 00:37:10,078

November and December are looking quite busy with events and other projects.

433

00:37:10,078 --> 00:37:12,161

I'm going to take the pressure off.

434

00:37:12,161 --> 00:37:13,932

I'm going to start in January.

435

00:37:14,277 --> 00:37:21,945

I've got some people on the podcast who are starting straight away and I'm going to catch

up with them four weeks in so that we can see how they're doing.

436

00:37:21,945 --> 00:37:30,344

But what I'm going to do is invite you onto a group chat with a few of the other

podcasters to talk about your progress towards the end of January.

437

00:37:30,344 --> 00:37:31,735

Is that okay?

438

00:37:32,506 --> 00:37:34,198

I'm very excited for that.

439

00:37:34,198 --> 00:37:36,499

440

00:37:36,655 --> 00:37:40,968

Bhavini it's been an absolute pleasure to have you on Psychologically Speaking.

441

00:37:41,361 --> 00:37:40,785

making

442

00:37:40,785 --> 00:37:41,302

Thank you.

443

00:37:41,302 --> 00:37:43,140

It's been really nice chatting with you.

444

00:37:48,431 --> 00:37:51,353

Everybody approaches goals differently.

445

00:37:51,353 --> 00:37:58,441

There are some similarities though sometimes we pitch our goals a little lower We keep our

momentum modest

446

00:37:58,441 --> 00:38:08,040

And we worry about failing sometimes more than we admit, So in January, I'm opening up

something new to help you move beyond that.

447

00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,502

And it's called my 2026 Goal Sprint.

448

00:38:11,502 --> 00:38:20,298

It's going to be a live 60 minute session where we're going to use my prompts to craft the

best goal for your 2026.

449

00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:28,692

it's going to be ambitious, it assumes that you can grow from day one, and it's got

built-in space to evolve if it stops serving you.

450

00:38:28,692 --> 00:38:34,297

And ideas on what to do to mitigate derailments on the way.

451

00:38:34,698 --> 00:38:45,132

You'll get weekly live check-ins to keep your momentum going, and especially past that

second week in February where most resolutions quietly melt away.

452

00:38:45,442 --> 00:38:53,157

You'll get access to a Slack group And I will be in there every week to give you the

strongest psychological start to your year.

453

00:38:53,417 --> 00:39:06,886

If you want a 2026 goal that feels exciting, grounded and possible, you can join us and

the link is in the show notes or you can go straight to www.leilaainge.co.uk/goalsprint

454

00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:09,317

forward slash goal sprint.

455

00:39:09,441 --> 00:39:11,466

I'd love to see you there.

456

00:39:11,717 --> 00:39:12,699

That's all for today.

457

00:39:12,699 --> 00:39:17,732

Thank you for listening to Psychologically Speaking with me, Leila Ainge.