Cam Hall (00:01)

when I picked up the phone that morning and the voice on the other side said, good morning, Cam, I'm sorry. And then there was a pause followed by Cam, they found his body this morning. And in that moment for me, I was filled with grief, with sadness, with misunderstanding, with anger. All of it flooded through me in that moment as I stood in my office.

And yet I also was very aware that a switch inside of me had turned off. And going through that experience and other experiences like it just made me realize and have made me realize now that we are impacted every day by the things that we interact with outside of our home, in our jobs, in our businesses.

and our communities that impact the way that we show up with empathy, understanding, care, and connection. And in that moment, I felt that a switch turned off and it was hard for me to show up with empathy, with care, with connection and understanding. And from there, I went on a journey of what it means for me to disconnect what happens to me from what I do to other people.

what happens to me from how I show up for others. And that has put me on an incredible journey. And I'm gonna dive into that today.

Cam Hall (01:39)

Welcome to Dad's Making a Difference, a podcast for men who refuse to live life on autopilot. This is where driven fathers come together to break free from mediocrity and commit to leading their families, businesses and communities with purpose and passion. I'm Cam Hall, creator of Fight the Dadbod and founder and leader of Dad's Making a Difference. Here we dive deep into unfiltered conversations that push you to rise above the status quo and set a new standard for your family.

We are here to transform ourselves physically and mentally, to find balance between work and family, and to create a legacy that empowers the next generation of our family to break barriers and live with strength and intention. If you're ready to challenge yourself, forge authentic connections, go beyond the status quo, and embrace a life of impact and influence, this is your place. Thank you for spending time with me today. Now, let's dive in.

Cam Hall (02:34)

Hello, my friend. Welcome to another episode of the DMD podcast. I'm Cam, I'm your host, and today I want to dive into the truth of how what happens in our lives outside of our home impacts our lives inside of our home. I'm a high school administrator. I have been for, I got six years. This is my fifth year in the school that I'm doing right now. But I want to share with you

how right now in a time of my life where things, if you follow me on Instagram, you follow me on Facebook, things might look like they're always good, but let's be honest, how many of us share what's really going on, the truth of it, the truth behind the scenes of how we're feeling, what we're going through, the things we're struggling with? I try to do that at times, but I'm gonna be honest with you, there are times when I'm going through things that I just don't wanna open my phone.

I don't want to take a video. I don't want to make a post. I don't want to share the dirt. But I want to give you insight into how things that have happened to me over the last several years have impacted my ability right now to show up for my family, to show up for the people that I work with, to show up for my community. And I had a conversation two weeks ago with a gentleman.

and it was work related. And in that conversation, there was a lot of misunderstanding, and I think at the end of it, it ended well. But part of the misunderstanding came from, in hindsight, I see this, my inability to show up to that conversation with a filter of empathy. And I've been reflecting on why that is, and I'm gonna tell you the truth. It's because I don't feel like myself. Do you ever...

go through periods where you just don't feel like yourself, where like, this isn't me, this isn't who I am, this isn't how I'm normally, in quotations, showing up for those around me and showing up for myself. So there are things in my life right now that I can control. There are things that I put in my routines. You guys see my posts in the morning, I go to the gym every morning early, I get into the routine of walking the dog, I have my breakfast, I go to work, like we get into these habits.

I've stacked those habits together so that they don't get interrupted. But in all the habits and the routines and the discipline, right now I feel that I have a lack of emotion. I have a lack of empathy. And through my entire life, I have been a guy, even when I was a young man, who ...

My heart bled for others. I wanted to connect. I wanted to serve. I wanted to help them improve. That's why I started fight the dabots. Why do that's making a difference. But the truth of it is right now I have a hard time doing that. I have a hard time showing up, not showing up physically, but showing up with a heart that's open to connect with other people. And I think this came from a series of events that have happened to me in my life over the last three to five years that really lack of a better term.

kick me in the nuts and then knocked me down and I've had a really hard time getting back to that guy. And if you know me, if you're listening to this and you're like, Cam, I know you, man, you're that guy, you connect. Because we have a connection. But I'm having a really hard time right now showing up to every conversation, whether it's with a coworker, community member, or my family, where my first lens is to show up with empathy, care, and connection.

I want to take you back. We're not going to go all the way back to COVID. That was hard on all of us. But I want to take you back a couple of years ago. And I want to tell you a story that changed probably the trajectory of me and my profession. I'm a high school administrator. I've been in this high school for about 10 years now. It's been an incredible experience. ⁓ Simultaneously, while building Fight the Dad Bod, while doing dads making a difference. And the only reason that I can do that is because I'm super disciplined.

But even in all of that, there are a lot of times where I don't feel like I'm myself. I'm not, I'm disciplined in my time, but I'm going through the motions. At the end of the day, I've come home and I kind of switch off. I'm present, but not present. And I've talked about that on this podcast. And I know this resonates with you because every guy goes through this where you go to work. You feel like it's just groundhog day, day off today. You come home, you want to be energetic. You want to go play with the kids. You want to do these things, but you have a really hard time to connect.

a really hard time opening up, building a strong emotional connection. And we've had lots of guests on this podcast that have spoken to that. And you probably have caught a theme throughout this podcast in the last 150 episodes where I selfishly bring people on that I want to learn from. And I know that in real life as a dad and a husband, as a professional, as an entrepreneur,

I want to learn more and more and more. And it's really hard for me to take that learning and transform it into action. And so wherever you sit right now, where you're listening to this in your vehicle or at work or in the gym, I want you to know that the little steps that you're taking every single day are pushing you towards your purpose, but don't let your drive and your purpose interfere with the importance of human connection.

You see, with a couple of years ago, I had shown up to work and there was a young man who I was deeply connected to at work. was a 14 year old kid. He was a kid who was at risk. He was a kid who we cared about a lot as a school community, but a kid who was struggling outside of it. And I saw him one morning and I knew that he had been struggling with some things with

The situations he was putting himself in I don't want to get into the too much details But guys if you think about the worst scenario if you're a dad right now And you have a young man growing up in your home And you could think of like the worst-case scenarios of what your kid could get into this is what this young man was dealing with But he was such a sweet kid and a kind kid and a loving kid and he just his heart bled for other people He wanted to be the best friend, but he just couldn't help himself and getting involved in other things

And one morning we knew that he ⁓ was out on the weekend and things were happening. ⁓ Here's part of being in a high school admin, which you don't see about the administrators at your kids' school. ⁓ We don't clock out on Friday. We are connected 24-7 to the happenings of what's going on with the kids in our school through texts, through connections with community support workers, through ⁓ police and law enforcement.

through counseling, through the hospital, unfortunately. We are connected all the time. And for this young man, I was connected all the time. And I would do my daily check-ins with him. And I'm gonna be honest with you, him and I built a connection because every day I would walk up to him as he came to the school, give him a hug. Yes, I would give him a hug, because this is a kid who needed a hug and he would ask for a hug. And then I would ask him, hey, do you got any... ⁓

weapons, drugs, or incendiary devices in your bag. And, and often he did not. But this was like our, our routine. And over several months, we built a connection and I was his go-to guy. And I remember on this one morning, we knew that things were happening on the weekend. And ⁓ I was at work early and I came outside. I usually will walk outside as kids get off the bus and greet kids with a good morning and

I was out there before the buses arrived and I saw that ⁓ he was out there. He was just down past our school, sitting on a bench and super early in the morning and he was on a bike, which I'm sure was not his. And I walked up to him and said, hey man, how are you doing? It's so good to see you. And he, knowing what had happened on the weekend, ⁓ I looked at him and I said, it's so good to see you a lot.

And he kind of laughed it off and he looked at me and he's like, ⁓ Cam, like you're being dramatic. I said, man, do you need some water? He said, yeah, I do. I do need some water. I haven't been home. And so I ran back in the school, grabbed a couple of bottles of water, gave him in, ⁓ gave him the bottles of water. He put them in his bag. And here's the thing. He was suspended from our school at that time. So, ⁓ I had to do the admin thing. He said, Hey man, it's great to see you. I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you're okay, but you can't be here right now. He's like, no, I know I'm leaving.

⁓ And I'm going to tell you that was my last interaction with him. ⁓ The next day we got a notice that he had been reported missing and I was like, that's important. I just saw him. And that Tuesday, Mr. Persons report goes out and I was deeply connected to this kid enough that when I was driving my own son, my own flesh and blood to baseball practice, to soccer,

climbing when I was driving my kids I would drive through downtown and I dropped my kids off and then I'd go for a drive and I would see if I could find this young man and I did that every night for four nights and I know that might be crossing the line but I'm gonna tell you that when you're in a role that you feel the responsibility of taking care of other people's kids which I'm gonna tell you if you're a parent that's how your teeth your kids teachers feel that's how your kids administrators feel their counselors their coaches

You feel responsible for other people's children. And as I drove around downtown, was looking for this young man. I just couldn't find him, but he didn't want to be found. I knew he was there, but he didn't want to be found. And there was lots of people looking for him. I wasn't the only one. And the police were looking for him, and we knew he was at ⁓ high risk and doing risky things. And four or five days goes by, and...

I come in the following week and we're doing like a briefing and believe it or not in a school the size of ours about 1200 kids. He's not the only kid with issues. So yeah, we were doing a debrief on a Monday morning. ⁓ I came into my office, my cell phone started ringing. I'm like, that's weird. Nobody calls me at work. Unknown number. ⁓ I go into my office and I answer the phone and someone says, good morning, Cam.

and knew who it was immediately. And I said, good morning. They said, I'm sorry. They found his body this morning.

And ⁓ in that moment, although I was filled with grief, with sadness for this young man and his family, ⁓ with confusion and anger about the system, I also felt that a switch in me turned off. And that switch is a switch of empathy, compassion.

⁓ love, understanding, connection. Because this was a really hard time. Like this is one thing on a stack of things that were happening that year. So this was in November, ⁓ earlier that year in October, a month earlier there had been a pretty ⁓ public situation, let's say involving law enforcement in a situation involving some of our kids that we were navigating. And then this was just something on top.

but I felt connected like I had done something wrong, like I had failed. And I had failed this young man who wasn't even my own son, but I had failed the connection and the responsibility to take care of him. And through that fall, I started to feel myself, my real self slip away. And when I say that, mean my real self that in my entire life I've been able to show up with care, with empathy, with a lens of connection.

but also to ask really solid, good questions to get the most out of people and to help others come to their own realizations and on their own path. That's what makes me a good coach, which makes me good and fight the dab on and dad's making difference and a good leader. But in that moment, something switched. And then I realized like, wait a second, as sad as this is, there are so many other kids right now going through hard times. There's so many adults that we work with.

so many people I interact with in our community, that you never know the pain that's going on behind the scenes. We always see the Insta-life. We see on Facebook and Instagram and social media all the great things that are happening. And we assume that everything is just okay, but it's not okay. And for me, it wasn't okay. And knowing that in my past, I had let the stress of life situations, the stress of work,

the stress of the responsibility that I felt on my shoulders negatively impact my own personal health. And I've done an episode on here talking about when I had to go on medical leave, I suffering from panic attacks. Now this was a year and a half after that. And I had started to turn off that switch that allowed me to be open to other people. Some people call it ⁓ compassion fatigue, and I get it, is that we care so much about other, we just can't.

We can't help everyone, but we want to. But here's how it impacted me. Professionally, it has impacted me on the way that I can show up and be open to others and make a connection, a real authentic connection. For me, professionally has impacted the filter I use when I have conversations with people. Because a lot of people will come to you if you're in a position of leadership or management.

that people in your business and your work environment will come to you with their concerns and their perception of what's happening, but they have their perspective. And it's their perspective. And they don't have the context of everything that's happening around them. They come from their ⁓ certain area, their certain department, their certain ⁓ part of the organization, and they come to you with their concerns, which are all valid concerns, all valid perspectives. But their perception is that

Everybody sees it, but they don't. And so when you're in a position of leadership, you're gonna have people come to you and you wanna make a parallel between this and your families. In your home, you're gonna have your wife come to you, your kids come to you, maybe your son comes to you with one thing, your daughter comes to you with another thing. And in the back of your mind, you can't help but think, why don't you see the big picture? And the truth is that person doesn't see the big picture because you haven't shared the big picture.

You that person doesn't see the big picture because they are just like you are consumed with the things that are happening in their life. And so I started to have this filter where somebody would come to me and I would listen and I would ask a few questions and I would take my notes, but my filter was like, how does this belong in the big picture? How is this just a piece of the puzzle? And while that helps me compartmentalize what's happening in my life,

helps me be disciplined with my interactions, helps me not put too much of myself out there to protect myself, it doesn't help build relationships. And interaction after interaction, event after event, trouble after trouble, I have found that my filter, if you picture a filter within going through it,

That filter's got thicker and thicker and thicker and it's harder for things to come through. And I'm trying, I am trying, but there are times as a dad, as a husband, as a leader where I'm struggling with this and I want you to know that that is normal. You might be listening to this Cam Cam, this is a different vibe podcast than all the ones that, hey, encouraging, but here's the truth of it. Right now I am struggling. And I want you to know that struggle is real and connection matters.

And the only thing that is getting me through this period of time is the connections and relationships that I do have with my family, the discipline and scheduling and time management that I've implemented in my life, the priority I've put on my mental and physical fitness, and of course my connection to other men. Other men who can have honest connections about what's going on in their marriage, what's going on in their fatherhood, what's going on in their work.

and they can have unfiltered conversations and hold each other accountable. If I didn't have those things in my life, I don't know where I would be right now. And if you don't have those things built out in your life, I don't know where you are right now. Because you need a solid connection with your spouse, you need solid connections with your kids, you need solid connections with other men so that you can show up in the different areas of your life. Now I wanna be perfectly clear, man.

There are times where I am not waiting at home. Last night, I came home from work after having an interesting conversation and came in and my first thing I did when I got into the house was snap at my wife for something that was super minute and stupid. And it wasn't meant to be mean, it wasn't meant to be rude, but it was, ⁓ man, I don't even know, thoughtless. I wasn't very caring.

And I felt like crap when I walked away from that conversation. I sat down here in my office because I was rushing into another call and it was a podcast call for a guy who's gonna come on. He didn't show up to the call and I was pissed about that. And then I got into another coaching call. My client didn't show up. I was pissed about that. And it started to be like one domino to another domino. And I started to feel the snowball of frustration happening in me. Guys, this happens to me often. It's something I'm working through right now.

where I allow the different things that are happening around me really impact how I feel and how I'm showing up. And all it took for me, because this is me in my life, and I want to share with you the importance of physical activity and getting the sweat on, is all it took for me was to drive my son to his soccer practice. And then the next thing I did was go for a bike ride. And I needed to clear my head. And I had no input. Just me on my bike, no music, no nothing. Just me in nature on my bike.

and pushing myself through some pretty hard climbs, descents. I freaking wiped out for the first time in a really long time. I bailed pretty hard. like that idea, I'm human. can be fallible. I know I make mistakes. I know that I can be wrong. And I know that you sometimes feel like you have to have it all together. You don't have to have it all together. You make mistakes, but know that it's the next step, the next choice, the next

movement that you make that's going to determine the outcome. And what you see on Instagram and Facebook is not always the story. And when I think about that young man and the impact that he had in my life, and the impact his death had in my life, the impact that speaking at his funeral had on my life, it has all shaped me into the person I am today, but has made me acutely aware of the amount of emotion that I need to pour into other people.

the amount of connection that as a dad and as a leader and as a husband, have to pour into other people. And the importance of being able to not only fill myself up individually, but to have other men in my life fill me up too. And so I wanna share with you this story about this young man. And I have many, many more. That's a sad thing. And it's not sad for me, it's sad for those kids. I wanna be really clear.

But the things that we interact with every day, we all have stories. And you read the notes, you have the conversations with adults and parents and youth and teens and your own kids and your own spouse. I wanna challenge you with this. If you feel like you are not you, if you feel like right now life is happening to you, that you are not going through life with purpose,

but you are going through reacting instead of responding, that you are a inactive participant, you're just there for the ride instead of being an active ⁓ person who determines the path. If you feel those things right now, you are not alone, but you don't have to stay there. You don't have to stay there. Take this as a personal invitation to you, a personal invitation to reach out and connect with me.

I want to connect with you. And you might be saying, Cam, everything you've just said in the last 21 minutes says you don't want to connect. No, what I'm saying is all the things that are going on right now make me want to lean in more. And that's the difference. That's the difference from where I was when I was in isolation to where I am now when I have community. That's the difference between where I was when I wasn't being really connected with my wife to now where we have open conversations.

and I can say sorry for being a jerk. It's where I was then when I didn't know how to show up as a young father with little kids to now where I built something that my brand, my personal brand to me is that I show up as a dad, I'm active and I live a fit, healthy, fulfilled life with my family. And this is the difference. Right now I'm inviting you to connect because you need it and because I need it. Guys, I'm gonna be honest with you.

Dad's making a difference is as much about me as it is about you. We both get benefit and value out of this experience. Me sitting here in my office right now, staring at a camera with no one around me, talking to myself is one of the most awkward things that I can do. But I do it for you and I do it for me. What are you doing for you right now? What conversations are you having for you? What challenges are being presented in

in of you that you are ready to take on and say to a group, hey, I'm going to do this in the next couple of days. I need you to hold me accountable. I need you to send me a message.

I'm challenge you to do that. Go with callwithcam.com, book a call with me. It is me, it is not an assistant, it is not a member of my team, it is me, and I wanna talk to you. I'm gonna return to kind of the theme here about that switch that turned off. So if I go back to that experience with that young man, and I've had many experiences since then with other kids, I've had many, many experiences with other adults. ⁓ We're in a tough time in education and in the environment we're in, I don't totally buy into the system.

I think that's another thing for me that I'm going through right now. If you want to hear more takes on that, you can go back to my episode with Matt Boudreaux from Apogee Education and Apogee Strong. ⁓ But right now, I've realized that that switch of being able to show up with empathy has more to do with how I am interpreting the events around me than how I am deciding to show up.

If that makes sense. I feel like I'm a little rambly right now, but guys, I just wanted to share this because it's a realization that I need to show up better. I need to return to a place where I'm curious, where I have empathy for other people, where I'm seeking connection and understanding, and this might sound little woo-woo for you, and I'm not a really woo-woo guy, but you show up through a filter of love. Because that's what we're called to do. True care for one another.

Think about what's happening in our world right now. Now, I don't talk about politics on here. I do sometimes talk about religion. Guys, you know that I'm a Christian dude. You know that I've been struggling with that. I walked away from the church. I found faith again when my daughter came up when she was six years old and said, hey, we're going to church today. Like all of these things, I've been through quite the journey in the last 15 years. But I want to share this. We're called to show up for other people to make connection. And we need love in our life.

with our spouse, with our kids, with our community, and with the people who speak into your life. You are a product, the cliche says, of the five people you spend the most time with. Well, I don't know about you, I love my family, but I don't wanna walk around acting like a 13-year-old girl, okay? Like, I wanna walk around feeling confident, being pushed, being pushed to improve, to live a life of significance, and to get out of isolation, because that's what's happening right now.

And that ties into my story. That young man was in isolation seeking community. I flipped a switch because I felt I was in isolation in that time. I felt like I was in a spot where I wasn't connected to a community. Here's what you need to do. You need to connect yourself with the community. Whether that's a local community, whether it's a church community, whether it's a work community, whether it's a school community, whether it's a mastermind or coaching program like Dad's Making a Difference or Fight the Dad Bond.

You need to surround yourself with other people who could be trusted group of advisors for you. Dad's Making Difference is here to solve this connection. This connection from self, this connection from others, from purpose, from understanding, and from your mission. Here's what I want for you. I want you to be able to show up every day. I want me to be able to show up every day. I want you to be able to show up where you have empathy and energy and connection.

going through your veins so that people look at you and know something is different. I want to be able to show up every day with empathy, care and connection with different things going through my veins so people know that I'm different. And if you're ready to take that journey with me, I invite you to join me. Callwithcam.com, join me, connect with me, see if dad's making differences for you. And all those things that happen to us in our life where we are putting out our own emotion, where we're putting out our own energy, they are all needed.

People are going to need you. Men, if you're listening to this, I'm gonna tell you, I truly believe you are meant to go to bed tired. We are here called to work. We're here called to lead. We're here called to impact others. And we're here to call to go to bed tired. And if you're not going to bed tired, because you've done good work, you'll switch your work. Join me in this. Join me on this journey. We're not perfect, but we're on a mission together.

My friend, appreciate you. I appreciate you listening to this one. you have, ⁓ want to connect with me by phone, by Zoom, callwithcam.com. If you just want to connect through social media, send me a message, at dads making difference on Instagram. You can check out at Fight The Dab on Instagram as well. But really just email me cam at dmdpodcast.com. Love to connect with you, hear where you're at, hear how your imperfect life is perfect for you right now.

All right, my friend, we'll see you on the next episode of the Dad's Making Difference podcast.

Cam Hall (30:51)

Thank you for joining me today on this episode of the Dad's Making a Difference podcast. I hope you found value in today's show. And if it made a positive impact on you, share it with someone you know, leave a five star review and subscribe so you don't miss out on any upcoming episodes. And if you're a father listening to this right now, who's driven to become a difference maker for your family, go to dadsmakingadifference.ca to learn more about how Dad's Making a Difference can help you become a better father and husband.

The DMD is a community for fathers that coaches men in the skills, the connections, the accountability, the proven steps, and the brotherhood to truly become a dad making a difference. I'm Cam Hall. Thank you for spending time with me today, and I will see you on the next episode of the DMD podcast.