Cam Hall [00:02:17]:

Rob, welcome to the Dads Making a Difference podcast. Appreciate you being here today, Cam.

Rob Finlay [00:02:22]:

Thanks so much for having me. Thank you.

Cam Hall [00:02:24]:

I love having conversations with other guys who are passionate about fatherhood. Man, anytime somebody wants to come in and talk about, hey, how do we raise kids? How do we lead a family? How do we show up? How do we ask the right questions? Like all of those types of topics.

Rob Finlay [00:02:38]:

They get me fired up.

Cam Hall [00:02:39]:

And you, you asked me, actually just before we pressed Record, like, what's it? What is this? Like, what do we do? Like, what's in it? And I told you, selfishly, I get to learn from every guest who comes on. So I'm excited to learn from you today as our listeners. So, Rob, why don't you start there. Why don't you start by telling us a bit about yourself and the work that you do?

Rob Finlay [00:03:01]:

Sure, sure. Well, so for the past 25 plus years, I've been considered mostly to be an entrepreneur. Started my first business, sold it, started another one, sold it. So I've done this thing where I've built businesses, sold some, kept some, been a real estate investor. But probably more important than that, I'm also a father, four. So I have, I have raised kids. I have gone through the stages of all sorts from infant all the way to where I am right now, where I'm launching them. They're going through this transition from being dependent to independent young adults leaving college and getting out in the workforce on their own.

Cam Hall [00:03:43]:

I love, I love the whole, dad, how do I stuff that? Ut, you know, the whole, how do I do this conversation?

Rob Finlay [00:03:52]:

Yeah, well, you know, I wrote a book about it and because I think I've been, I've written a couple books primarily in commercial real estate, finance and technology. But one night I was laying in bed and for me, bedtime's usually around 10:30 or so. So any call beyond that is usually, you know, that has to be an important call. My kids know that. But it was probably about 1 o' clock in the middle of the night and my phone rings. And so for every parent, you know, this is, that is the time of stress. So I leap out, I grab my phone, my heart's racing, my daughter's on the other line and I'm like, what's wrong? That's the only thing I can say, what is wrong? So, dad, I'm at the gas station, can I put the green gas in my Jeep? And I had to, I, you know, heart rate had come down a little bit. I think it actually might have gone up a little bit, I don't know.

Rob Finlay [00:04:46]:

But I said, what do you mean, can you put the green gas in your Jeep? She's like, yeah, I'm at the gas station, they don't have anything else other than this green gas. And it finally cleared to me. It's like, is she talking about diesel? Is she trying to put diesel fuel in her gasoline engine Jeep? And so I said, absolutely not. And we got through that. But it made me sort of think about it did. I spend so much time being focused on my business and not being present with my kids. And at that point I said, you know what, I couldn't fall asleep. I had to think about it and think about it and think about it.

Rob Finlay [00:05:28]:

And finally my wife said, you know, you need to go back to sleep, but why don't you write another book about it? And that's what I did.

Cam Hall [00:05:35]:

That's excellent. Wow, there's guys listening to this right now who are like, oh, that's funny, you put diesel in the jeep. But guys, I think you missed the point of the story if that's what you're thinking about. Because I, I look at my kids right now, 11 and 13, and I think about, what am I not teaching them that they need to know? Am I missing something right now? What is going to be the 1am call when my daughter's 19 years old? So you had that call, but what the inspiration to like follow it through? Yes. Your wife gave you the idea, you had the call. What was the inspiration to follow it through?

Rob Finlay [00:06:13]:

Well, talking to other parents, right? It's, you know, and I'm, I'm at the, I'm at the age group where my demographic is, the kids are in college or leaving college. And the stuff that you're getting asked is not, you know, it's not the basic stuff, right? This is, this is bigger stuff. How do I get a job, how do I get a car, how do I find a place to live? Bigger ones. What do I do with my life, right? I mean, these are, think about this. Our young adults, our kids are basically put on, if you go to the airport, right? And they have what we used to call the magic carpet ride, which are the motorized walkways, right? Step on it and it takes you to the end. Well, that effectively is what in essence what our kids are. They're put on this thing and they go from kindergarten to first grade, second grade, so on and so forth, and everything is sort of pre programmed for them. And as parents, we even do some things even worse where we helicopter them and we tell them what sports they're going to do and really hover and micromanage them.

Rob Finlay [00:07:06]:

But at the end of the day, that walkway stops. And when it stops, it can be really upsetting and very difficult for young adults to say, oh, I got to get up and do something, what do I do? And so that's where it really is something that became powerful. So I said, you know what, I've got to write a book. And so I took these Stories from other parents as well as from other experts. So I think the book was not just about me writing a book, but was actually interviewing 30 plus professionals throughout all of society. I interviewed Navy SEALs, I interviewed NASCAR race car winning drivers, clinical psychologists, and everybody in between. And so it really became a really good sort of manual for young adults to get on with life.

Cam Hall [00:08:01]:

Yeah, it's amazing. People come from all walks of life, they're in all types of professions and different levels of success, what have you. But the one equalizing factor is parenthood. Everybody goes through it a little bit differently, but everybody goes through it and they're like, I don't know what to do. I've never done this before. Here's my child that I'm responsible for. As you had conversations with this large variety of people, what surprised you most about what you heard?

Rob Finlay [00:08:35]:

I think there's. There were a couple things. I think some were scary, some were more like, okay, that sort of makes sense. Once I thought about it. Some of the most surprising things was, for example, getting a job and the inability for our young adults to be able to network and communicate with people effectively. Right. It's a skill set that I had to have when I was growing up, and I had to have to get a job. Our young adults don't have that.

Rob Finlay [00:09:02]:

And, and so when talking to people who are professional and helping young adults get jobs, they were saying that's the number one thing that they don't want to pick up the phone, make a phone call, they don't want to reach out, they don't want to get outside their comfort zone. And so things like that really surprised me. I think one of the things that actually really scared me was I was asking an EMT said, you know, what are the biggest medical things that young adult needs to know to be at your first time at home or whatever? What are the three medical things? Thinking you should know how to do cpr, you should know how to do the Heimlich, you should know how to do, you know, whatever. And they said, actually, two things that you really need to know how to do. One, know how to administer Narcan, which is that that spray for overdose. And the second is to call 91 1. I said, well, I mean, kids know how to dial. I mean, they teach that in kindergarten now, right? He said, it's not that they can't dial 91 1.

Rob Finlay [00:10:08]:

It's that they're afraid because for the first time, they're set in a situation where they're expected to be the adult and to reach out and call for help at a period of pressure. So explaining those two things, really shocked.

Cam Hall [00:10:25]:

And as I said, that's incredible. You know, when you were starting that example, I said, okay, if it's not cpr, if it's not to identify stroke, if it's not the. It's got to be to stop bleeding. No, it's not to stop bleeding. It's to call 911 and come out of your comfort zone to help somebody else.

Rob Finlay [00:10:51]:

Yes. Because I think most, most young adults think they're going to be. They're going to get in trouble. And I said, no, you know, you're going to be okay. Even if you guys were doing drugs, whatever it was, you'll be okay because you're going to be in a lot better situation if you helped your friend who's overdosing, then have them die on your floor.

Cam Hall [00:11:07]:

Right.

Rob Finlay [00:11:07]:

And so it was just, it was really shocking. And that shows you just sort of, you know, how much maybe I was out of it. Right. I mean, I think of myself as pretty, pretty worldly, but, boy, those were answers that just absolutely shocked me.

Cam Hall [00:11:23]:

So when, when you're putting together the book and you're going through all these interviews and you're tasked with, you know, itemizing more or less the things that you've heard and expanding on what you've learned and these things that surprised you. For the guys who are listening to this now, what would be some of the main ideas? We don't want to give away the whole book, but what would be some of the main ideas that you're like, you need to do this. This is what your kid needs to know now, you know that they need to be able to call 911 and administer Narcan, but what your kid needs to know and where you should start in teaching them this.

Rob Finlay [00:12:03]:

Sure. So the. One of the biggest ones I, I come back to this sort of, this networking and socialization. I think social isolation in, in young adults is, is an epidemic. And I think it's, it's something that, that should be highlighted even greater than it situation. Young adults, in particular young men are becoming socially isolated, work from home, they don't go out, they're not doing anything. So that I think is an epidemic. So one of the things that I really think coming back is learning with, speaking to these experts is really coming into that, being able to be comfortable in a situation, communicating with people.

Rob Finlay [00:12:43]:

And so I put this back on to your listeners. Include your kids in social events. If you work, let your kid come to work with you. Let your kid come see you at a luncheon. Let them see you interact with other people. Encourage people in your community to have impact and interaction with your kids. I think I know one of my best friends, if one of my kids was doing something stupid, she would go to them and say, hey, you're doing something stupid. Don't do that.

Rob Finlay [00:13:15]:

Whereas, you know, I'm not sure if a lot of people have that. So having this interaction and communication and being able to talk to adults and to other people outside of their friends and without texting is probably one of the biggest ones. The second one is really understanding financial freedom, budgeting and I think this starts really young as well, is understanding the value of a dollar. Right? You want to get something? Okay, well, do something for me. And I think we're all pretty good at teaching our kids having responsibilities and chores and stuff like that to get their allowance when they're younger. But do you continue that going forward? Do you continue that when they want to buy things? I think there's so much media news about how expensive everything is. So young adults are staying at home. I think you're just delaying the inevitable.

Rob Finlay [00:14:06]:

You're not helping them get out on their own and they need to be able to produce to survive. So those are things, those are two main things I would focus on.

Cam Hall [00:14:17]:

It's interesting right now in our household, those two things are a topic of conversation. I have two very different children. My 13 year old daughter, who is a strong, confident, you know, teenage young woman, you know, she's, she's an athlete, she's extremely bright and intelligent, but she's shy for the first bit, when people love her, when they get like when she starts to open up. But it's the initial interaction, it's the asking for help at the store, it's talking to the waiter with a loud voice that is a barrier for her. And now she has the conversation. She's like, dad, I need to make more money. I only have like 40 bucks left in my spend. Like because we have, we separate to the blessing jar, this, the save invest jar, and then her spending.

Cam Hall [00:15:06]:

And so I need to make some money because we went looking for jean shorts yesterday and she had a gift card from her birthday and some extra cash and so much of it was above what she had. Yeah, I'm not topping it up. So she, she needs to see it. And even if she, she was short like five bucks on something and she kind of looks at me with her big brown eyes and I'm like, oh, that's too bad. What could you do to add value for someone where you could earn 5 extra dol.

Rob Finlay [00:15:33]:

Right?

Cam Hall [00:15:34]:

You know, and that's just kind of what we do. And she's like, ah, eye roll. But we had a conversation in the vehicle on the way home. I said, maya, you. You ask me how you can make money, and I know you want to get your babysitter's license and you want to do these things, and we're going to help you get that set up. I told you, kiddo, I won't give you money. But if you want to start your own thing, if you want to get your babysitter's license so you can earn money, if you want to start your own little business, she has this use Chat GPT to create. She's a competitive climber.

Cam Hall [00:16:00]:

I want to say that.

Rob Finlay [00:16:01]:

Yeah.

Cam Hall [00:16:02]:

Chat GPT to create a climbing sticker thing called Grips and Grit. So I paid for those stickers, I'll pay for her babysitting license, and then she can go earn some money and do. And do that. But I said for you to babysit, you need to be able to go to someone's home, look that adult in the eye, shake their hand so they have confidence in to leave their children with you. They don't want some, like, quiet, insecure, like, mousy girl. And I know you're confident and strong. You need to just show it and show up. And so she's that way.

Cam Hall [00:16:33]:

And then my son, he's like, no filter. He will be the. Just walk up to anybody. Hi, how are you? I'm Braylon. I have this question and just ask anybody. And she looks at him, envious. He's 11. How does he do that? He just talks to anybody.

Cam Hall [00:16:48]:

I'm like, yeah, it's great. And he's got all these ideas, and he'll go out and make $300 on a day shoveling snow because he's bored. And, you know, that's just who he is. And so the two things you just said, the two top things, I'm like, okay, I'm right in the midst of that. My kids. So it just rings home with me.

Rob Finlay [00:17:08]:

But you know what?

Cam Hall [00:17:09]:

You're.

Rob Finlay [00:17:09]:

You're smart, though. And, you know, comes back to your daughter. She doesn't like doing that, but I'm sure you force her to do it, right?

Cam Hall [00:17:15]:

It's.

Rob Finlay [00:17:15]:

It's, you know, and as much as we want to protect our kids, we're only doing ourselves a disservice. I mean, I used to talk about my Girls, I have three daughters and a son. My daughters, I don't think ever had to touch the car. Right. They'd be like, daddy, there's something going on with my car. Daddy might, you know, or daddy was already out there walking the car to make sure it was okay for them and already had gas.

Cam Hall [00:17:34]:

Yeah.

Rob Finlay [00:17:35]:

So dad's doing his dad stuff, but that's not doing them any favors because the first time they go rolling out and tires flat and they roll down the street for a mile, ruin their ribs, you know, it's dad's fault, not theirs, because I didn't teach any better. But doing that, making her talk is a big thing because that is comfortable and to each their own. Right? Everybody, all your kids are going into, most likely each one of your kids is not exactly alike. They will have strengths and weaknesses, and your son might have some weaknesses for where your daughter has strengths and vice versa. And so you have to, as, as a, as a parent, I mean, you're basically a coach right now. You've got to be able to, to coach them up where they're, where they're weak.

Cam Hall [00:18:18]:

You. In the book, you also touch on like, life skill stuff, you know, beyond the finding a job. P. The money you mentioned, the money being responsible, the financial responsibility and awareness. What other life skill type advice would you give for the dyads who are listening to this right now that they should be thinking about for their kids?

Rob Finlay [00:18:42]:

I think, look, first of all, don't set the bar too high. Right. I think the whole goal for any parent is to produce a young person who's a good human. That, to me is the most you've already won. Right. If you've got. Because as I said, we, we have people who want to have. Yep.

Rob Finlay [00:18:57]:

We're going to have the Elon Musk's, we're going to have the Tom Brady's, we're going to have those. But that's not everybody. And so for me, it's letting your kids go and search and create their own path. But more importantly is that just show them right and wrong, show them empathy, show them respect, show them faith, show them confidence, show them, you know, being present, all of the things and, and that comes back. And I know you're, you're big on this, Kim, but it's, it starts at home too, right? You, you can't, you can't give your kids a lot of good advice if you're not in a good position yourself. Right? It's, it's, you know, who am I to, to tell My kids, hey, you know what, here's how you're going to live your life. If I can't live my life. Right.

Rob Finlay [00:19:40]:

And so I think it's really important for, for people now if you're trying to do these things is, is really try to set the bar, making a good human first and then focus on everything else.

Cam Hall [00:19:51]:

Yeah, I love that because at the end of the day, they need to be a good human being. You know, things in their life are going to change. They're going to go through things, interact with different people. But if you can grow good human beings who care for one another, I think that's really, really important. Appreciate that you emphasize that.

Rob Finlay [00:20:11]:

Yeah. And have confidence in their themselves too. I think that, yeah, that's an important thing, especially with social media. And that was. The other thing is, with this, is that the impact that social media has with unrealistic expectations for, for young adults and for young children is, is astronomical. Right. I mean, you young kids who think, oh, well, you know, here I am, I'm getting a job out of college and it's going to be $50,000 a year, well, that's not really good because this guy on YouTube makes a billion dollars a day by this influencer, does this, and they're flying around on the chat like you don't know what's real and what's not. So having the self confidence is important.

Cam Hall [00:20:49]:

Yeah. This guy. I love that you said I'm like, my daughter's name's Maya. Maya, what do you want? I'm thinking I'd really like to be a vet, but I don't want to put animals down. But I also like helping people. And this is her thought process. My son. Hey, buddy, what do you want to do? I want to be a YouTuber.

Cam Hall [00:21:06]:

Yeah? Yeah. Oh, and for those of you just. I gotta circle back. That didn't quite pick up on the Tom Brady Elon Musk before the call. If you're not watching this on YouTube feed right now and you're just listening to it, there is a massive Tom Brady frame jersey hanging right above Rob's head right now. So we chatted about that right before we hit play.

Rob Finlay [00:21:30]:

And if you panned, you'd see my shrine to Gronkowski and all the others. So, yes, I have looked. I've been a Patriots fan since the early days. Right. So I get, I get to have my. I get to cling on, to cling on to my, to my happy times.

Cam Hall [00:21:47]:

So you're not getting any. Hey, dad, what team should I Cheer for stuff. No, no, they know. And there's only one right answer.

Rob Finlay [00:21:54]:

There's only one right answer.

Cam Hall [00:21:57]:

That's great, Rob. Right now, guys listening to this, and they're like, okay, this book, hey, Dad, I don't know if it's for me, like, do I really need this? My kids are pretty young. Or somebody's like, ah, it's too late. Kids have left the house. The ship has sailed. But really, who is this book for?

Rob Finlay [00:22:17]:

So I think when I originally wrote it, it was really for any young adult who's going through this transitional period, right? Either going from, you know, going from graduating high school, graduating college, something where it's a big life event, or what's been actually interesting is divorced couples actually seems to be a big. A big demographic that's. That's. That's buying this. Because a lot of times, you know, in a relationship, maybe one person's doing something and one person's doing something else. The other part, which is it's actually for anybody, I. When I did this, and I'm 55 years old, as I said, I've. I'm.

Rob Finlay [00:22:55]:

I filled myself pretty worldly. I've been around the block. I learned so many things, and it was really interesting. And some were very more of the psychological side of, like, what do you want to do in life? Right? And everybody has this, right? Everybody has this. Yep, I'm perfectly motivated. I know exactly what I want and what my purpose in life is. But you know what? Six months from now, you could be like, who am I and what's my purpose? What's my meaning? And all these life events. So starting with that is the foundation.

Rob Finlay [00:23:22]:

So that's that point. It's for anybody who wants to have an enjoyable read or as a great gift for anybody who's graduated.

Cam Hall [00:23:32]:

Yeah, I love it. Rob, for you, right now, you say, I'm 55 years old. I've experienced a lot, but 55, and you're only halfway there. So you got a lot of growing to do. What is one area, personally, as a dad right now, your kids are a bit older that you're excited about diving into learning about or challenging yourself with.

Rob Finlay [00:23:56]:

Well, I think that's, you know, one of the fun things. So books are my sort of my. My free time, right? It's where I can be creative. As I said, I have a day job. I run businesses, and my businesses are in. In capital markets, so a lot of finance and stuff. So I can spend my time doing that. But then I get my books on the other Side, I'm very much into regenerative agriculture, so I'm working and working on developing ways where we can amend the soils to be healthier and more productive without adding chemicals and fertilizer.

Cam Hall [00:24:29]:

That's amazing. It's just like so out of left field. Like, oh, I love regenerative agriculture. It's just one of my things. Yeah, very cool. Rob, if someone wants to pick up the book, learn more about you and the work that you do, where can they do that?

Rob Finlay [00:24:47]:

So they could go to my wallet, my website, which is rob finlay.com. i'm on all the social media channels, so track it and check it out. You'll see that I actually have a very varied life. Right. I'm business on one side, I'm books on the other. All these farming and animals on my farm and stuff. So everything in between. So try to make it interesting.

Cam Hall [00:25:11]:

Amazing. Thanks, Rob. We appreciate it that you took time today to spend with us. Look forward to seeing more books come down the pipeline and we'll make sure that Rob's communication and connection information is all in the show notes. But Rob, thank you for spending time with us today.

Rob Finlay [00:25:29]:

Cam, thank you so much for having me. I really do appreciate it.