My name is Trish Ware and I am obsessed with all things pregnancy and birth, and helping you to navigate with the practical and the magical seasons of this journey called motherhood.

I'm an all day coffee sip and Mama of seven.

I've had the amazing privilege of delivering mini babies.

In my 15 plus year career as a labor and delivery nurse, and as a mama of seven, I'm here to help you take the guesswork out of childbirth so you can make the choices that are right for you and your baby.

Quick note, this podcast is for educational purposes only and does not replace your medical advice.

Check out our full disclaimer at the bottom of the show notes.

Hello, you guys.

This is gonna be an emotional episode here.

I'm feeling very emotional and I might even cry, just so you know.

If you guys are joining me, whether you are a pregnant mom or you are a birth worker or a, whatever.

This is gonna be a tear jerker.

But I am really, I'm really emotional today.

I just found out my best friend's mom passed during the night.

I had already planned this episode for you guys, this live, because I told you guys last night, I'm gonna go live every day and here's me showing up even when I'm an emotional wreck.

So for my pregnant moms, we might be crying for my postpartum mamas.

We might be crying.

We're gonna talk about something that I don't think enough people talk about.

We're gonna talk about loneliness during pregnancy, I wanna hear from you guys if you're feeling lonely during your postpartum or your pregnancy journey.

There's a lot of us who feel alone or lonely.

During pregnancy and during postpartum.

Maybe you were already feeling lonely before you got pregnant, but being pregnant just magnifies those feelings, those emotions, right?

So this is gonna be a hardcore, and of course I have, I have notes because everybody knows I'm A DHD and I'll get off track.

So.

If you're feeling alone during pregnancy, during your postpartum journey, this is gonna be for you guys.

So don't bounce.

And I want you guys to share it with other people, okay?

Yes, nurse by day, which by night.

So feeling alone during my pregnancy, I'm so glad you're here.

Because this is so common, right?

This is something I don't think a lot of people talk about.

Embrace the weird just said the loneliness has been hitting hard the last couple weeks.

Well, I'm glad you're here.

And a part of the reason why I created Calm Mama Society, which is my mama membership.

You guys, I am so choked up right now.

Writing out this script and this episode really brought up a lot of emotions for me.

Some of you guys know my story.

I was in a very abusive relationship for 25 years and I had all of my pregnancies during that, and so I was very alone during my pregnancy.

Thank God, God for the village of women who came alongside me.

Because if I hadn't had some very specific women, one of 'em, Suzanne, and I had Mary, and I had some other women who took this girl's hand and walked my pregnancy journey with me because I did not have the support from my partner.

I moved away from my family, you guys, when my, my son was nine days old.

So I didn't have my family, I didn't have a good partner and I felt very alone and lonely.

So those of you guys who are saying to me, you feel alone, like, share that with me.

I'm here for you.

And part of why I created Calm Mama Society, our membership.

Was because of that, because that need for a village, unfortunately, the way that our society works, we do not come alongside each other in person.

We are all like, we're also busy walking the walk doing the things that we don't have time for each other.

So this, mama said rejuvenate.

She said, I'm now a grandmother.

And felt that feeling of loneliness, but managed to turn that feeling around with love for the baby inside of her.

Yes.

I love that.

And I want you guys to know, even if you absolutely adore and love your baby, your baby isn't always the answer to your loneliness.

So if you find that that's not helping, it didn't for me.

Like I still wanted a supportive partner.

I wanted family.

Okay, so let me get on track and for those of you guys who don't have time to stay the whole time, just comment.

See Ms.

Join the membership.

It's literally worth.

Hundreds of dollars.

We charge $19.

'cause I gotta pay my people, I gotta pay my doulas, I gotta pay my, you know, my people that come in, my experts, all of those things.

But it's $19 because I don't want you to feel alone.

I want you to have a safe space where you can bitch and you can moan and you can share our postpartum chat.

Our pregnant girls are.

As chatty, but our postpartum chat is 24 7.

On top of it, you have a place, you have a home, you found it, you're here.

Comment cms, or if you're listening to this later, go to labor nurse mama.com/cms.

$19 a month.

Okay, so.

Let's talk about the different types of loneliness during pregnancy.

These are ones that I have specifically experienced, so I'm gonna talk about those.

If you're experiencing something different, shoot me a DM and let's chat.

First of all, pregnancy is a massive.

Amount of change, like a huge amount of change.

It comes and, and those changes, those hormones.

Your body is different.

Like it's not the body you're used to and that can make you feel very lonely.

You might also be like, you've been working and you have all this.

Uh, you know it, you have all these connections with your coworkers, and then suddenly you're the only one that's pregnant for me, because I had Ian so young, none of my friends were having babies.

They were all in college, right?

They're all going to college.

I had nothing in common.

All of a sudden I had nothing in common with my friends.

In fact, most of my friends had not even had sex yet because I was so young.

I was 17, you guys, and I can remember my friends would always call me about sex questions when they started having sex, and I'm like, I am not a sex expert here.

I just happened to get pregnant here.

This is not my expertise.

So all of a sudden, like a no, nothing in common, like my friends were complaining about what prom dress they were gonna buy, and I was worried, can I pay my bills this month?

So.

Pregnancy can change no matter what stage of life you're in.

Suddenly you're not the same as your friend group.

You might also be physically distant from your family.

Maybe you've moved for college or a new job or your marriage, and now you're pregnant, and so maybe your family lives in a whole nother.

State and that I went through, personally, I moved to Tennessee from Florida and it was really lonely not to be able to celebrate those day in day out changes.

I had no one around me that cared about my bump growing.

Like I didn't have friends who were like celebrating that.

This is bringing up so much emotion for me you guys right now.

So just bear with.

Bear with, I am on my period, by the way.

So I didn't have that hands-on support.

I didn't have that day-to-day, like I didn't have people who knew me for a long time watching the changes in my tummy.

So if that's you guys, I see you.

The other thing that I see inside my mom and membership and with some of my students is they don't have a close relationship with their mom.

And maybe that relationship that didn't bother them as much until they're becoming a mom.

So that's a real deal.

Like.

Your relationship with your mom may have always been strained, but now it just seems so magnified because you're becoming a mom.

And of course you want to have your mom there, and maybe she's just not there for you in the way that you need her to be.

That can be really difficult and lonely.

So I'll tell you what I did because I was physically away from my mom and y'all know I'm older than you guys.

So this was before we had, smartphone in our hand and long distance calls were very expensive.

So I found a mom figure, I made it happen at my church.

I approached an older woman who was, you know, she was a good like 20, 25 years older than me.

Her children were older, and I just attached myself to her.

I was like a little leach asking her all the questions, and I made that happen.

As we become adults, sometimes you have to make these things happen.

You can't just sit back and wait for them.

So I would encourage you if you don't have a close mother relationship.

Find a mother relationship.

Y'all can come inside with me and I'll be your mama, your labor nurse, and your mama.

This is why I love my community, because I'm the old gal here.

That's me now.

I'm the woman that you can attach to as a mom figure.

Go figure.

How did that happen?

I used to be the young one.

Now I'm not, but that's okay.

I'm okay with that.

I have life experience to share with you guys so.

Make it happen.

If you don't have that close relationship with your mom or physically, she's too far away.

Another thing that I really want to address is your relationship with your partner.

We've already seen one of you guys have shared that physical abuse has happened.

Statistics show.

That women who are in a relationship that has a potential to be abusive, that the abuse increases during pregnancy.

This is, this is, studies show this.

So if that's you and you're there, I would encourage you to get help.

Number one, don't believe the bullshit.

Don't believe all his promises.

I did it for 25 years.

I believed the bullshit.

I believed the promises he would, he would dangle these promises and these dream things that I wanted, he would dangle them out in front of me.

And I don't know why I believed him, because he never could put his money where his mouth was.

He always went back to being an a-hole.

He always went back to being abusive.

And so I know that people who have never been in an abusive relationship, whether it's mentally, emotionally, or physical, they don't understand why you stay.

I understand why you stay.

I know it seems harder to leave and start over.

It seems impossible and you wanna believe they're bullshit, but it's just bullshit.

And here's the thing.

What I've learned now having escaped that relationship is that if you leave.

They really mean what they say that they're gonna change.

Let 'em do it while you're not in harm's way.

Let 'em do it while you're not making it easy for them.

Make it hard for them.

Make them put their money where their mouth is.

Right.

Get the therapy, get the help.

Get the tools.

I do believe that people can change, but they have to do a lot of work to change and you my friend, are so worth

that work.

You are precious.

You are a queen, and you do not deserve to be treated in a way that's negative or difficult.

So if you're in a relationship that's difficult, that's abusive in any form or fashion, I remember I used to say to my pastor, like, if he would beat me up, you would believe me.

But because it was emotional and it was mental, they couldn't see it and I couldn't explain it.

But you don't have to.

You don't have to explain it.

You just have to know it is and go get out of it.

I know that's easier said than done.

I'm here for you if you need help, okay?

So whether you're in a rocky marriage or you're facing just a plain old unsupportive partner, maybe your partner just sucks at support, find your tribe.

Find some people who can support you.

For me, I had a woman who was dominant like a, a important person in my life would be there at my birth, and they were actually my main support during my birth.

That's your choice and that's your right.

You do not have to do it alone.

Now let's talk about a whole nother group of you guys who might be lonely and that's my single moms.

Can I please just a shout out to all of you who are doing this alone?

Like you guys are amazing and valuable, and I'm so proud of you.

I am so stinking proud of you because navigating it completely alone, I can't even imagine the weight of that.

You're doing all of that and I'm so just in awe of you.

I have two single moms on my team.

And both of them are like the most amazing.

One of them is my community manager, Ashley, and I'll let her share her story, but she is such a wealth of knowledge and support to my moms.

Like, oh my God, no one, no one can top her.

Me and Allison are chasing after her.

You guys, you don't have to be alone.

Come, come inside of our membership again.

LabornurseMama.com/cms come in and be a part of our family.

You are not alone.

I've got, like I said, Hannah and Ashley are both navigating single motherhood.

Ashley has two under two you guys.

And, uh, my good, my Hannah has a 5-year-old that is, she's like my og You guys, she started following me when I had no one.

No credibility.

She's been with me ever since.

I always hire out of my student body or my audience.

Okay, so.

Here's some other simple ways that pregnancy can feel alone.

Number one, everybody's focusing on the baby.

No one's focusing on you, and that can feel kind of poopy, to be honest.

My terrible potty mouth here with my poopy.

You know, you might be feeling like everyone's excited about the baby and not checking in on you.

Here's what I would recommend to you.

Say something.

Don't just assume they realize that if it's your family member say, Hey, I really would love for you to check in on me too.

You know, another reason why pregnancy can feel lonely, even if you're a single mom or you're in a terrible relationship or you're away from family.

Just in general, everything is like kosher.

But these are big life changes.

Like big life changes, your identity is shifting, and that can make you feel like a little bit unstable and it can make you feel like no one understands what you're going through, but there are other women that can come alongside you and help you navigate that as well and help you even understand all the weird things and answer all the questions like, is this normal?

Is this common?

Like what is happening?

What just came outta my vagina?

Why are my nipples leaking?

All of those things can feel really weird and isolating when none of your friend group is having a baby.

There's also the hormones, y'all emotionally, up and down, up and down, up and down.

Pregnancy hormones can intensify that.

You feel like you're PMSing for 40 weeks, so that can make you feel lonely.

And then another one that I really want to talk about is just comparison.

We as women, we tend to compare ourselves to everyone.

So as someone who has built our business on social media, I want you to know.

That no matter how raw and real people are saying they are on social media, nine times outta 10, there's been some editing of some kind.

There's been some background cleanup.

Y'all.

When I, I'll have a chaotic mess for my 10-year-old and I clean out what's gonna be behind me on camera so it looks clean.

Is my house organized and clean all the time?

Hell no.

You know these women who are posting these pictures of their perfectly perfect pregnant body, that is not the norm.

Some of us over there are like too embarrassed to share our pregnant body.

So I want you guys to remember we had this really incredibly deep conversation on one of our hangouts, our pregnancy happy hours, talking about the reality of.

What you see on social media.

Some of you guys love your pregnant body.

Some of you guys hate your pregnant body, and that is a OK, all right?

You do not need to compare yourself to anyone else.

You are so uniquely amazing, and I want you to say that to yourself every day.

Okay, so here's my tips on helping with your loneliness.

One, build a support system where you are.

So this is why we have Calm Mama Society.

This is why my students who join my my birth classes get three pregnancy hangouts per month because we wanna give you the support where you are.

And virtual support actually is pretty amazing 'cause you can just stay in your pajamas.

You don't have to do anything.

And we show up how we are.

Come as you are.

Two, find a therapist.

If you're feeling really lonely right now during pregnancy, go ahead and find a therapist.

And there are so many resources that you guys, this is why we've had several therapists come in to our, membership.

And I also do EFT tapping with my mamas every month.

And if you've never heard of tapping, holy moly, it was life-changing for me.

I am a Christian, so some people think it's all woo woo, but I don't care.

God created my body and tapping works.

So I incorporate my faith into it as well.

And for my mamas who aren't Christians, they can do it.

We can do it.

We all have amazing bodies and tapping works for anxiety and loneliness.

The other thing I would say, if you're really lonely during pregnancy, and you can of.

Afford a doula, hire a doula.

She is gonna be your greatest advocate.

She is going to support you every step of the way.

This is why I have two doulas on my team.

'cause I know for myself, when I had my babies, I could not afford a doula.

So that's why I went out of my way to add doulas to my team.

Lean into some friendships, find a friend.

Like I said before, I had to make it happen.

I'd step outta my comfort zone and make a friend with an older lady at church who came alongside me and became like my mother hen journaling journal, journal, journal.

Get those feelings out.

Like if you have to send Labor Nurse Mama a DM to say how lonely you are, DM us and Hannah or myself will connect with you.

Create rituals for yourself whether you find different ways to celebrate you, nurture yourself, get prenatal, yoga, meditation, prayer, tapping, and just taking time to celebrate you.

You are building a human being and that is.

Incredible and powerful and amazing.

So I hope that this helped.

It's just a short little teaching topic.

I know a lot of you guys, I see you.

I was you.

I was very, very lonely.

I was very alone during my pregnancies, and I don't want that for you guys.

So stick around here and hang out with us.

Okay?

Mamas, I want you guys to hear this.

You are worthy of love, support, and care.

Even if your circumstances feel isolating, you are not alone.

There are people who care.

There's communities to join, and there's ways to make connection happen.

So if today's episode resonated with you, please share it with another mama who might need to hear it.

And if you're looking for more ways to feel.

Supported.

Check out Calm Mama Society where we come together.

We are a family and we lift each other up.

Until next Friday, I am sending you so much love and strength you've got this.

I'll see you again next Friday.

Bye for now.