So what's going on, everybody?

What's up?

We got Full House today.

Boom.

Full house.

That's Uncle Jesse.

And that's.

Okay.

The twins, that's us.

No.

All right.

What does that look for?

I'm the better looking twin, obviously.

I didn't say you were.

Or not.

Cut it out.

So, listen, I know it's bad.

So enough Full House references.

Yeah.

So I'm Derek, by the way.

I'm Matt.

We got John back again.

And I'm Kevin.

Kevin, yeah.

Full studio today.

Yeah, it is.

And my parents are down visiting, and they brought all this cold weather and rain and nastiness with them.

So it's their fault.

Yep.

It's all their fault.

I appreciate them, actually.

I yelled at Nick.

I was like, nick, dude, you gotta stop advertising Winterfest as we're bringing snow to Florida.

Because it's happening.

Well, Pensacola got like three inches.

Yeah.

What crap.

Was he orange guy on TV this morning?

Ice skating on Bourbon Street.

Like he was playing hockey.

That's crazy.

Really?

That's a lot.

Well, I mean, luckily we live in a place where it's not that bad.

But yesterday and today, with the weather just being gray and overcast, like, it's been in and then also wet and chilly, I'm like, this is what I left.

This is why I wanted to leave the Northeast.

This is all the winter in Maryland I need.

Not.

And luckily for us, it's only a couple days.

But I can't wait for that sunshine to come back out.

Me, too.

Because now I'm working outside kind of.

And so, like, it's like, well, I got to work outside my garage.

So I'm.

My garage door's got to be open because I do most of the stuff outside.

Yeah.

Let you cut a vent hole in your garage door.

No, I mean, like, it's got to be.

I have to physically be outside.

I know, because I'm.

I mean, like, with the.

Some of the spray, like, sealer and those different things.

Yeah.

How's that coming?

Really good.

I got a lot of stuff done today.

My dad was here.

Is here.

And he was helping me and.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I've sold three things.

I've got one, two, three, four orders in for things that I can remember right now.

I've got it all written down, but.

Awesome.

We'll edit this part for zoning.

I need to find.

I need to find a way to make permitting purposes for hobbies.

That'd be fun.

But anyway.

Well, I haven't made $600 yet, so it doesn't matter.

Okay, perfect.

You don't have to tax, right?

I'm not getting taxed on anything.

If you get paid cash, you don't have to worry about it either.

Well, can't report.

You can't report cash.

He hasn't made enough for taxes.

That's all the government needs to know.

So it sounds like Trump doesn't really care anymore, so.

I like the ers, man.

I think that's a great concept.

Yeah, I like elo, you know, they.

Were all right in their day.

Yeah, a few good hits.

Oh, my goodness.

So what are we talking about today?

We are talking about what makes good friends.

And I think that all this banter is.

I think it's a mix, is a lot of it.

Right?

Like makes good friends.

It's what makes good friends.

You can pick on each other.

Kind of special.

I'm too old, I guess.

I know the old commercials.

Back to elo.

What makes good friends today?

What makes good friends?

Obviously, it's having only things in common and having the exact same viewpoints and never arguing or disagreeing on anything.

Right.

That would make us not friends.

I don't understand.

I don't want to be friends with myself.

That sounds terrible.

Yeah.

I don't need a yes man.

The world doesn't have room for two of me.

But, like, you know.

Yeah, we weren't designed to do life by ourselves.

Yeah.

Wait, now you're saying we were designed.

We weren't created to do life by ourselves.

Yes, that is both.

No.

I thought we were just a simulation.

All right, no more movies.

I'm kicking you out.

You're done.

You're done.

Even the Matrix had a creator.

Matt, you take over.

Oh, my goodness.

It's bad talking about the Matrix and stuff.

At least I'm not trying to tell dad jokes.

First off, dad jokes are amazing all the time.

Not whenever you're.

You've got a list of them in front of you and you're all taking turns telling them.

Oh, my gosh.

Yes.

No.

Cuz it.

No.

If it was like that.

If it was like the whole like, oh, please, like the dad joke, like, challenge.

If it was like that, it would have been funny.

But we sat around trying to tell dad jokes and it was.

It might have been our worst podcast ever.

They weren't punny.

Like really.

They were really punny, but they weren't funny.

So it was bad.

I think we should do the four of us who could probably do it but like, do each get a list of like 25 awesome dad jokes together.

And then sit here and try to make each other.

I don't know if that's fair.

You two have to go up against each other.

You two gotta go up against each other because you.

You can keep a straight face pretty well and your face is always straight.

So.

Yeah, I mean, every once in a while you get a little, like, curve in the side corner.

That's my smirk.

Just smirk, smirk.

So pray it in.

That would be fun.

That would be fun.

We haven't even said welcome, even started.

Well, you started.

Topic discussion.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, we gotta introduce it a little bit.

He's Russian, right?

He's Russian.

Is this Russian collusion?

Well, if you're still with us, welcome to the Truth response.

All right, all right.

So Kevin's gonna pray for us today.

Kevin's gonna pray for us today.

Father in heaven, thank you for the topic we have today as it personifies how we are meant to go through life.

I thank you for your grace, your compassion, and your patience with us.

I ask that you impart your knowledge to us that we might be entertaining and depart some knowledge worth listening to.

And I pray this in Jesus holy name, Amen.

Amen.

All right, so, yeah, hats back on.

Darn right.

Takes a little longer when you got a ponytail.

It doesn't take me long, so even when my hair was long, I just throw it all backwards.

It's fine.

That's how it works.

Yeah.

This guy, he knows what I'm talking about.

So what's it take to be a good.

Well, maybe we should start with, like, what are some.

What is a good friend?

Well, I mean, what.

Maybe.

What are some things about our best friendships in our lives that we.

So what do people seek in a friendship?

Yeah, maybe.

I don't know.

What do you guys think?

You know, I thought about this when you told me about the topic, and it's so funny because I think that we overuse the word friend for describing acquaintances, people that we interact with in life.

But a friend is a deep.

It's a love.

You know, it's interesting because I think you're right, and I think we associate that importance, love importance on those acquaintances.

Right.

And it makes it more difficult to navigate, I think, sometimes, like how we.

How we interact, which I'd never thought about that before.

I think you're very right about that.

That's awesome.

It's so funny because when God put it on my heart, I mean, it was literally in the beginning was the word.

And we destroy the definition of words by the way we use them.

And, you know.

And that's not a positive thing.

Right.

I will tell you, having been somebody who wanted and lacked for friendships in my life as a youth and even as an adult, for a great extent, what I wanted was somebody who didn't judge me, knowing all of my faults, that would have enough common interests, that we spent time together and we could talk about anything.

And through that, that camaraderie was built, that fellowship, much like I'm developing with you guys, very seriously, because as a child, I was a serious swimmer, and even the people on my team were my competition.

We didn't hang out.

And so growing up, through my professional life, it's always been pointed out that I am not a team player, which I am not as a rule.

My brother played football as a team sport, and he is very much a collaborator and come on, team.

And I'm, like, looking at him getting grossed out, and I'm like, ew.

No.

But in personal relationships, though, because I've spent enough time on the outside looking at it, I really.

I look for deep meaning in a friendship.

Yeah.

And that old saying, if you end your life with one hand of friends, you know, you've been a success.

I agree with that.

You know, fortunately, because of faith, I already on my second hand.

So I think that friendship is a deep intimacy with common ground unencumbered by a marriage, because, for lack of better term, it is the same kind of relationship I want with my spouse, minus the spousal duties, obviously.

Right.

Well, that's just going back to what you said earlier on was the words have meaning, basically.

My first time through philosophy class, I actually took twice, because I only took it for two weeks the first time.

You didn't get it?

Well, no, no, no.

I dropped out after two weeks, the first time, because literally the only thing he said in class for two whole weeks was, words have meaning.

Now, I didn't realize the importance of what he was saying then because the test came, and nothing we had talked about was on the test.

So it was one of those, I'm not doing this.

Like, I'm gonna wait.

He was a guy that didn't believe in computers.

He.

None of that stuff.

Like, he's like, I don't use any of that.

He was, like, 93 when he was teaching us.

I mean, glasses this thick, it was crazy.

Anyways, but he shut up.

He said.

Right?

He said.

He said, words have meaning.

And I didn't realize how much that was going to impact my life over the years.

Like, the fact that it's True.

We take all of the words that we say for granted a lot of times and we don't use them properly.

Love is a great one.

Friend is a great one.

Well, now I'm gonna have to reconsider all.

Just throw away all his notes.

I'm gonna look at all of you guys a lot closer now and see if you guys actually fit the bill of friends.

I'll give you a sock.

Dobby.

Sock master gave Dobby a sock.

Dobby a free elf.

No, but for real though, like love.

Love's another one that we like throw that random definitions on right in the Bible.

He says, you know, I'm gonna say Jacob, I loved and as I hated.

And I may be getting the characters wrong, but if you go back to the actual text of it, the definition of hate was loved less in the old diction of the Hebrew.

And.

But we have co opted that word into meaning something more malice, Something dark.

Yeah, where it was.

No, loved less.

Well, God also hates sin, so do you just love it less?

Does he still love saying, you know.

But that could be a different word I'd use there that we translated.

So it's all saying that.

It also depends on if you really want to know how he's meaning it.

We have to go back to the original because, yes, again, we look at Greek and both Hebrew, there's multiple different meanings for love.

There's brotherly love, there's love like a father.

There's two different levels.

There's different.

Right.

So again, we can't just use one word.

But unfortunately.

Right, that, I mean, and that's how.

We, we translate it into one word because that's how we understand it.

Different words.

There's different words used that mean the same thing, just have a different meaning.

So they mean different things.

That's, that's, that's the trick.

That's what you're saying.

Like they should not shy away using the term love.

Using the term love broadly isn't a bad thing because, I mean, obviously there's different levels.

And we are encouraged by Scripture and Jesus to love our neighbor, to love.

One another and who's our neighbor to be loving.

Basically, it's love God and love people.

And if you're loving people, then that has, it applies to everyone.

But then we look at Paul's letter to the Corinthians and he says, love is all of these things.

And if you're not doing those things, then are you really loving God?

Are you really loving your neighbor?

And so like it's an important like.

It'S a great challenge piece.

There's a deeper.

Deeper.

That's really not meant to attack how we love other people as much as it attack us on how we are to other people.

So, for instance, like, I can say I love everyone in this room and I love each of you in a very similar way.

You guys are my boys.

But like, at the same time, like, I don't love you the way I love my children.

I don't love you the way I love my wife.

The word still applies.

I may love my wife in a little bit more encompassing way.

I may be more patient with her.

I may be more, you know, kind.

I may be easier to write off wrongs, stuff like that.

Like, and I'm not saying I'm holding on to anything against.

That's just an example.

But like, all these things that he's.

He's.

If you're looking at the purest form of love and a godly love, he's giving us a checklist.

Like, are you struggling with any of these things?

Because if you are, no matter who, it is time to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

And so, I mean, you can't really say that if you're not doing that.

You can't love other.

You can love people.

But there's stuff that you can.

But it's not.

It's not.

It's not.

It is less than perfect.

I can.

We can just say that.

Like, right.

So, like, we have to know what the standard is in order for.

For us to be able to measure up what we are doing.

Right.

So I'm.

Sometimes I think we can't ever achieve perfect love on this side.

Correct.

But we still have to know what we're aiming for.

Oh, absolutely.

And that's what.

That's what Corinthians does.

And the definition.

Right, but now, are you inflating the.

Word love with friendship right now?

I'm not.

I'm just saying it is a component.

But if you're going with friendship, friendship, then I mean, if you're looking at acquaintance, you can know who someone is, interact with someone that's more of an acquaintance.

And then there's friendship where you.

There's a mutual caring about one another's.

I don't think love and friendship do go together, but we're also.

It also, people have also said that, do you not love this person enough to share?

Christ, they could be a total stranger.

Oh, yeah.

But we got to have that same kind of love.

Not.

Not the brotherly love or not the way you love Your wife or your kids.

But we have to have a love for somebody in order to show our Christ or we don't love that person.

So to say love and friendship.

Yeah, but again, there are different degrees of love.

Of course there is.

And we're supposed to love our neighbor, which is everybody.

Everybody that we come in contact with.

Yeah.

So I mean, love in its definition then is broad spectrum.

It's not single, but.

Right.

So when we're talking about.

Let's talk about for a moment.

Corinthians.

Right.

We got the.

That chunk that all those things apply to all of the different types of love.

Right.

Like they should in order to do them perfectly.

You have love with your spouse.

Right.

Is a different kind of love than the love that you have with us, but it still has qualifiers.

Yeah.

Okay, but we're getting.

So we're kind of getting slightly off topic because we're focusing on this.

When we start out with what makes a good friend, we've kind of gotten like, yeah, a good friend loves.

I'm not saying that's off topic, but like, what are the qualities of being a good friend or having a good friend?

That's really.

I think we're already past the love stage.

Because if somebody's your friend and you're gonna be their friend, love is already there should be.

Love is.

Love is the first thing in any relationship, whether it's a stranger or whatever.

Love is that first thing.

Because if you don't have love, you're not going to go up to that stranger, you're not going to talk to that stranger.

If you don't care enough to care for that person, then love is not even part of the picture to even start a conversation.

So to say friendship, love, it has to already be established in order to be a good friend.

That already has to be established.

So like you said, going down the love trail, I don't think we have to do it.

It's already established.

If we're talking about what it takes to be a friendship.

So what does it then take to be to be a good friend?

Tolerance.

Tolerance and a desire for their well being at your own expense.

Use me as an example of tolerance.

How many times have you guys tolerated me?

All right, like 2005.

I plead the fifth on that one.

It's just because it's countless for you.

When I say tolerance, because again, there's an old cliche that familiarity breeds contempt.

And within any friendship or acquaintanceship, what's going to happen is you're going to become more familiar with each other.

And much like in a new relationship with a girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, you start to see the blemishes over time.

And sometimes those blemishes annoy you more than they do other times.

Yet with a friend, you accept those blemishes, even though they drive you up a wall.

And you say, you know what?

I got his back.

And it could be anything from, you know, he needs help moving, which we all have friends who have done that to us, to, you know, sitting by your bed when you're sick or any one of those kind of things.

And I think that it starts with the love, but it's more than that.

It's more of a targeted love.

It's not like the unconditional love that you have.

This is a conditional love.

And I don't say that with a negative connotation.

The conditions of that are that we've built trust, because if your spouse breaks your trust, you're still going to repair that, or most people with a Christian faith will.

But it's dependent on common interests, time and a desire and an enjoyment of each other's company.

And these are not components that I see in other relationships being necessary, if that makes sense to you.

See, I don't.

For me, I don't put conditions on a friendship.

So when I make a friend, they're closer to me than my own.

I look at it as I'm choosing to love this person where my brothers, I have to love them.

Well, the condition you're talking about.

But the condition is moving you from acquaintanceship into that friendship, that fellowship.

If you think about the.

I understand what you're saying.

For me, I don't have a condition to move.

If we're spending time together at some point, it's just.

For me, it's just gonna artificially go there.

For me, it's just gonna.

There's nothing you have to particularly meet.

On my point, I'm going to give you the trust.

So you're saying you meet a guy, your buddies, men of a church, at work, whatever, and you're spending time with him, he automatically becomes your friend.

If we're spending multiple times together, it's because I like this guy and there's obviously something we have in common.

If I'm just meeting somebody off the street, no, because it's probably the only time I'm going to meet them.

But I spent multiple time with a lot of people that are acquaintances.

But if I continue to hang out with people and we're doing things on a regular basis, not just hanging out where we're going to cigar bars.

We're doing whatever it is at some point.

That's why I say it's targeted.

But at some point, I'm just going to trust you and I'm just going to give it to you.

Right.

I think you can be the one.

That breaks that trust.

But the point is that you're saying at some point this is gonna happen.

And that shift happens when you are now trusting me, I am now trusting you, we're vulnerable and that intimacy is created.

Right?

Like, that is what that is.

And so, I mean, regardless of your guy or not, that's that moment in which you become friends rather than acquaintances.

And he's even saying, correct me if I'm wrong, but, like, there's nothing wrong with acquaintances that you hang out with either.

Like, it's.

That's one thing.

But friends is like a deeper.

Like they're accountability partners.

They're, you know, they're people.

Like you and I is a good example.

And I think us too, we don't quite spend as much time as we used to together.

But like, you dudes are close to my heart.

You know, like, I call you if I need something, you can call me if you need something, and it drop whatever we're doing, right?

So, like, that's.

I think that there's.

That.

That can happen as well.

But, like, he and I, we're spending tons of time together.

And so, like, that can.

All three of you are in my friends group.

You know what I mean?

You guys aren't acquaintances, but it's because we've shifted from that category a little bit.

And I think that.

I think that five for me at five, five friends is a little low for me.

But I'm one of those people that, like, I.

I try to do too much sometimes.

Maybe that should be a goal, is that I just, like, focus down to five.

I don't know.

But I do.

I do see that.

That thing that shifts something.

That something that shifts.

That's what I'm trying to do is.

Where it clicks from that account or from that.

That acquaintance to.

I can just say, Kevin and I haven't spent as much time as you and him are spent.

Maybe even you and him have spent.

But the minute he came on the elder board for me, that was like, this is someone I can trust automatically.

Just because as a church and just seeing him and listening to other people, I haven't spent as much time.

But it's already that I consider Kevin a friend now, whether he considers me a Friend, that's up to him, but he's a friend for me, and I would do anything in the world I can for him and his family.

And the same thing for you.

Establish that there are different levels of friendship then, because there's different levels of trust and intimacy that are born from experience with each other.

And maybe that's where the.

Yeah, my best friends.

There's a level of friend that once you get with me, then there's.

There's like, you know, I don't have to.

It's one of those things, like, I don't have to see you every day anymore.

And if you talk once a year, if you need me, call me.

Right.

You know, and if I need you, I'm gonna reach out, and hopefully you can be there.

But that's still not even a requirement.

But I'm gonna have your back.

You know, I'm hoping you have my back no matter what happens.

And, you know, it's great to just be like, you know, I haven't talked to that person and pick up.

I have two of my very best friends from Maryland came down from New Year's.

And, you know, these are guys that, over the past year of me being down here, I saw one of them once and the other 10 times.

And yet when we get together, it's like no times past at all.

I have a friend that I haven't seen in a little less, almost the same amount of time, and he's over in the other side of Florida.

And I've been dying to see him, but, you know, I know that when he and I get together, it'll be the same.

It'll be as if really no time has passed at all.

We just.

It's kind of when you have a friendship that you can pick up right where you left off, so to speak.

You know, not in a ridiculous way.

It's not about reverting to ridiculous, but like that.

It's just.

Yep, we're friends.

And we're.

One of you gentlemen who was sharing that after the last hurricane, A buddy from a long time ago called, just want to make sure you're okay from up north.

I've had people do that.

Yeah, I don't remember somebody was talking about that.

I don't remember who it was.

But to that point, that man had a friend.

I started on topic with it.

I start with, okay, scripturally, what's our example?

Christ and his apostles, the inner circle.

And then it spread from there.

Now, obviously, Christ loves all and he epitomizes it, but it doesn't mean that all these people were his friend per.

Se, but we see how Jesus acts with the friend.

It was Lazarus that was a friend.

Correct.

Because he would go back, spend time with them.

And when Lazarus passed away, there's a.

Tugging on your heart.

Jesus wept for that person.

Now, I'm not saying he wouldn't do it for the others, but there was a special drawing, and they weren't in discipleship.

So the friendship that Jesus had with the disciples was more of a teacher, was more of a rabbi and a student.

I mean, he was close, and he'd still do things for him because they're under his tutelage, under his teaching.

But what he had with Lazarus is a great example of a friend.

And you can use.

You can apply his discipleship process even with his.

So, for instance, like, in your life, I mean, if Jesus displayed, you know, God's number one, he pulled himself away to himself.

And his relationship with God was at the forefront of everything.

Right.

I love him.

Mess up my mic.

So anyway, forefront of everything.

And then he had his inner people.

Like, I have inner people, you know.

And, like, I have inner voices.

And then there's like.

It's like rings.

Like, you're like this person that is in this point.

And then there's this.

And then.

So he had that.

He had his inner three of his disciples.

He had his inner 12.

Correct.

And then the people that are with him, and then it would expand and he had his friends that were separate.

So he had discipleship friends.

He had friends.

Friends, like you said, with Lazarus.

But the thing is, when you know, how do you know someone's become that to the point where, like, they're locked in now.

Well, to quote a bad movie, you're inside that circle of trust.

Circle of trust, yeah.

They know too much.

I mean, to some degree.

I mean.

But that's true, though.

I mean, to some degree, that is the thing.

Like, it's because you.

You've let your guard down.

You've.

You've removed the walls, right?

And they know.

They know too much.

Look, the whole.

And they love you in spite of it, right?

And they love you in spite of.

It is designed around relationship.

And if we can get that, if we can grasp that concept and live our life to where we are, trying to make a relationship with everyone that comes before us.

Because we already know our.

Our neighbor is everybody.

So now we're enemy, huh?

We're supposed to love our enemy, too.

So that's why I say love.

Love is the.

Love isn't really part of this conversation because we're supposed to have it anyways.

That's.

I don't think that's per se what makes a good friend, because we're so.

We're supposed to love everybody, but.

Well, I think the two of the things that are good would be vulnerability and permission.

And I think I've talked about this before, but the idea is, like, when you get to a point where you can say, this is what's really going on in my life, or you can be open, like, this is what I'm struggling with right now.

This is this.

This is that.

This is my good, this is my bad.

If you can share that with someone, that's a good place where you can be vulnerable to that person.

The other thing is permission.

Permission for the other person to go to speak truth into that situation, good.

Or bad, you know, See, I don't wait for that.

I don't wait for that.

I just.

I just do it.

And then if, If.

If there's blowback, I know, okay, we're not there.

If they accept it, they could be a friend.

Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much how he does his everything.

Seriously.

Seriously.

I have, like.

But I'm no different.

I'm no different anywhere, right?

Like, that's my thing is, like, I try not to be different with you than I am with you, than I am with whoever.

I mean, obviously we're going to have different conversations, but.

But, like, I don't want.

I want to strip away as many of the masks and hats.

You wanna be yourself and all that stuff.

Like, I just want.

I don't wanna hide nothing.

I just wanna be me.

And so that's one of those things.

Like, yeah, I'm just gonna come out and be like, well, here's what you should do.

And then if that blows back, I'm like, well, I probably shouldn't tell that person.

Here's what you should do.

But maybe next time I'll be able to tell them, here's what you should do.

Let me toss this to the table because this affects friendships.

As we go through political seasons, stuff like that.

I find it very difficult to have friendships with people that I disagree with or that I find disagreeable.

I think it's ridiculous.

Cool.

Just kidding.

I wouldn't be Derek's friend if that's the case.

We seem to disagree on a lot.

Of things, almost everything.

I love them, but we.

Yeah, but I think on core value items, I.

I should.

I should stipulate on values like a.

Democrat and Republican being.

I don't have any Democrats.

Right.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, and it's not that I think that they're bad people.

It is simply, it is a contentious discussion when it comes up and I try and avoid that.

So therefore I gravitate towards people who I am like minded with to spend that time that I can let down my guard if I know that I disagree with you on core things.

Things.

There's a guard up, there's a guard.

That's the shield.

Okay.

But then there's.

I have acquaintances that are Democrats.

Let me put that out.

I actually had this conversation with my sister the other day.

But it can be enriching to have different perspectives in your life.

I didn't say perspectives, but okay, so.

This is where my, my conversation with my sister came in.

Because.

Okay, so my sisters are fighting over this whole political thing.

Yeah, you were saying.

Right.

So like the, some of the, the things that are, that Trump is doing and other people are doing within this is like, it's my sister's being vocal, but she's being, she's being respectful.

So, like, that's something that's a newer thing.

Right.

Like, she's had a hard time doing that in the past and I've had a hard time doing it.

But what I tried to explain to my other sister was that it's hard when you are passionate about something and you disagree with the other person.

It takes a lot of restraint and a lot of, you know, cool to come to the conversation and just have a civil conversation.

You have to think about things at a shared point.

Like, if I am a Christian and you're not, I have to figure out a way to come to the same level.

Like, I have to talk to you not by throwing scripture at you because you may not believe that this is the thing, but come to a mouth.

It takes work to then have those conversations.

I mean, for me, what I'm talking about, maybe specifically.

So let's say you're friends with someone and then they decide to live a certain way, that's not necessarily, in your opinion, a way to live.

So for instance, easy way for us, this is a biblical show.

If you are trying to live a good, honest Christian life and you have a friend who you love and you've loved for a long time who suddenly starts living in a way that is against the Bible.

It is not a Christian way of living.

In fact, the Bible might even speak directly against it.

Do you just stop being friends with them or do you love Them still and then try to just continue to love them.

And maybe if there's opportunity to speak into it, you can.

And sometimes you can, and sometimes you can't.

I'm going to give an answer from real life with me on a situation like that, speaking into it from a place of scripture.

What ends up happening, what I've seen happen and experienced is they stop being the friend.

That's what I'm saying.

Nothing that I pulled back, but because I was critical of them in that even with the foundation of scripture, to back it, even approaching it through love, made them feel judged or less than, and therefore they pulled back.

I think when you find yourself in those situations, yes, I think it affects friendships and the friendships turn into acquaintanceships.

And I don't think that it has to.

Right.

It's not necessarily I'm speaking general terms every time, but like, that's been my experiences too.

Unfortunately, not always, but I've had some recent experiences in the last eight years that have been that way.

Specifically, like what you're talking about.

I don't know if I have any friends.

And you know, I call somebody a friend.

It's somebody I'm going to get in a foxhole with.

This is somebody that is going to carry my mat when I'm.

When I'm down and I can carry their mat.

But on the difference of beliefs, I can be acquaintances with those people.

Again, my experience is they pull away because I'll have a stand on some.

We won't talk about it, but they'll invite me or want to do something.

And I said, I can't do that.

Well, why not?

Because it goes against what I believe.

So I can't do that.

And they tend to pull away because I don't want to get in an argument.

It's not worth arguing.

But if you can't expect, I mean, if you can't honor what I want, then we can't be friends.

Because now I'm not going to depend on you to be in that foxhole to have my back.

And in that silence, what happens is you stop trusting the guards go up.

But all of this, all of us too.

I know we keep using the word friend and acquaintance, and I think they're the correct terms.

But we also got to remember acquaintance doesn't mean like not something good.

No, you're still.

This is.

I think this actually talks about acquaintance as more of a positive light than generally people use the word acquaintance.

Right.

Because we talk about overusing the word friend.

Friend earlier at the beginning.

Right.

So like introducing acquaintance for people who we tend to end up calling friends is not.

Is not demeaning, diminishing their relationship in our life, but it's just differentiating a little more what friend is versus acquaintance.

So I just reminded that's what we're doing.

I think it's very well said it's the outer ring if you're looking at it.

If you're looking at a dartboard, I will.

You know, I will say this, though.

Since becoming an elder, I've had to look at this at a whole different light because I have to be willing as an elder to go fight for everyone in this church.

I have to.

Whether they would do the same.

That's not what I'm.

I'm not called to be who they need based on how they treat me.

It is.

I have to fight for this church.

I have to be one of the shepherds.

Now, that.

That gives you a dichotomy between now you're a good friend doesn't mean that they're your friend.

Right.

So what does it take to be a good friend then?

Accountability and desire.

Willing to give up what makes you happy.

So you can make or not happy, but what.

What brings you enjoyment to help them.

Seek selflessness is what it is.

Yes.

Selflessness.

Selflessness.

Okay.

What about genuine compassion?

I think compassion is needed, you know, and compassion, patience, maybe forgiveness.

I might even throw in discernment knowing.

Knowing that person well enough that, you know, I need to have compassion right now or I need to have tough love right now.

I mean, he and I have had this.

I mean, we gone through some trenches, and.

And that's one of those things that we've.

I think that that is not to.

Approach me with compassion.

It doesn't work.

But I think that there.

I think there might be an opportunity.

Though, that you've had to come with me with compassion.

But if there was work, right, if there was something, maybe.

But like, if your son was like, super sick or something, I have to.

I have to know, to approach tough situations a little bit more compassionately and not compatibly because, you know, that's what I'm saying.

To know, to have discernment.

Right, Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

But I mean, yeah, like I said in that there's.

There's.

There's times where you need to be extra forgiving, understanding, and discernment plays a big part of that.

What is this person?

Where's this from?

Where's this person at right now?

Right.

You know, there's this thing that's going on with them.

What can I perceive and you know, and discern from it?

What's brought.

Got them to this point?

Is there something that's possibly wrong?

Does it seem like there's something that's wrong here?

Is it just something that they've been a little distracted?

What is it?

And then try to help.

Speak into that and work with them and love them.

See, I love.

We already talked about that.

But that love, it's gonna be on the foundation.

That all comes with the relationship.

Any relationship is gonna grow depending on the time you put into it.

Yeah.

I mean, we have a good friendship, but our relationship probably isn't as far as Derek's and mine, because we haven't had that time to spend and hang out.

That's actually something he and I were talking about the other day, and I think it plays.

A good point is, like, I had reached out to him because I hadn't heard.

Heard anything from him in a while.

And we see each other at church all the, like, more than once a week kind of thing.

So, I mean, we're on the podcast together every week, and, you know each other.

We have conversations.

But I reached out to him, was just like, hey, is everything cool?

But.

And he was like, yeah, Most of my good friendships, you know, get to a point where the whole.

Like you said earlier, right.

Like, we don't have to have conversations.

And I was like, I'm not sure that I'm at that point yet.

So, like, we need to spend more time.

You know what I mean?

So, like, that was.

But let me stop you on it, because what you said was you called him to find out.

Why did you do that?

That's the root.

Sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So what was it that caused you to find that?

It was the discernment and the care and the love and the concern.

Right.

All those things we're talking about, and they manifest differently.

Sure.

Because at some point, to be a friend, you also have to call a guy out on the carpet, too.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And the thing is, I told him, I said, sometimes for me, it's the fact that, I mean, with five kids, well, four or four time.

And they're pulling me in different directions all the time.

And then you got work, and then you have everything else.

It's like, I tend to.

Sometimes, especially when I start to feel comfortable in a relationship, I don't do it on purpose, but I tend to put my head down to start driving forward.

Especially I said, I was talking to Sadie about this.

I said, you know, I think the problem is I know I'm gonna see you on Wednesday, and I know I'm gonna see you on Sunday.

So, like, you know, it's not like I don't see you where I have to reach out to you.

It's like, well, I know I'm gonna see him.

So if I'm gonna set something up with you or bring something up, I might just do it then.

Or, you know, like, because.

So I can just keep going because my busyness sometimes is the enemy of my.

My time.

Well, see, and I've compartmentalized, so the whole opposite side of that is I've compartmentalized, like, church things.

Like, is my.

I'm on all the time.

So, like, I don't.

I don't necessarily differentiate your friendship with me and, you know, I don't know, random Joe Blow, who's in.

In the congregation's friendship with me when I'm churching, right.

Like, when I'm.

When I'm focused on doing church stuff, like, I'm gonna be as kind to you as I am to this person that I don't know, you know, I'm gonna be so focused on trying to do that.

I'm focused on other things.

That's all I have time for most of the time is doing that.

So, like.

So from my point, like.

Like reaching out to you, even though we're spending the same amount of time with each other, you're good.

I'm.

I'm needing some more, you know, we need to plan something.

Oh, no.

And it's not that I don't have that desire.

It's just sometimes, like I said, I put the blinders on.

I go for it.

I don't think about it until somebody sometimes says something, and I'm like, oh, yeah.

But.

Well, what I'm saying is, like, we also have to recognize that we're all different and that our levels of friendship are gonna be.

Could be the same, but look different.

Yes.

So.

Yep.

I mean, go back to that, though.

Are you too busy that you're not recognizing the prompts that the Holy Spirit gives you?

That's a good question.

That's the key.

I mean, it's a big thing.

I mean, look, no, I don't.

I don't call you guys all the time, but I do.

When you pop in my head, I try to stop.

I'll say a prayer or just reach out.

Hey, how you doing?

It's because I don't want to ignore those moments.

For some reason, you popped into my head and For.

And for that reason alone, I need to reach out.

Maybe I'm the one that's.

That God is going to use to, you know, help brighten your day.

I have no idea.

That's one of the reasons why I send out those messages every day.

Not to give everybody a word.

Mostly it's for them to.

It's for them to know that I'm thinking about you.

Because I'll read those things and some people will pop in my head, oh, this might be good for this person.

This might be good for that person.

I don't send it out for that.

It's just.

I send it out, and as I'm writing it out and then typing it into the phone, people just pop into my head.

And then it's funny because out of.

I don't know, about 160 people I send it to, four or five people will reply and they'll say, thank you.

And it's like, okay, I know what I was supposed to do.

So, I mean.

But it all came from a prompt.

I just felt prompt to start sending it to a couple people.

And then it was like, okay, if you're in my phone, you're worthy enough to get this.

Yeah.

I mean.

And everybody's got different times.

I mean, there's times where I need people around more often, and I will reach out way more often.

Then there's times where I'm in a good place, and so I just focus on the tasks at hand.

It's, like, all over the place with me sometimes.

And it's good to have someone that's willing to go, hey, dude, you haven't been around.

Let's do something.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, dude.

I totally wanted.

And it's not that I don't want to.

I totally do.

It's just that I've.

Now I've kind of let go a little bit, you know, and it's.

I get used to that, especially up north, man.

I.

Before I moved down here, most of my friends were friends for so long that we were at that point where we did not see each other a lot, all the time.

And then I'd be like, we've got to get something on the calendar, like, because we don't see each other, you know, and so it's different.

Like, I see a lot of you guys fairly often.

So I don't know.

I was telling cities, like, I might have taken advantage of that or for that for granted a little bit in my head, like, without even realizing it, like, well, I'm gonna see these guys this Is fine, you know.

Yeah, you know, it's up, up north.

We had the longest time I've ever lived in one single place.

Was in Enfield, Connecticut.

Had a circle of friends, as I called them.

I found it interesting.

This is just maybe, maybe I'm incorrect or too harsh on the world, I don't know.

But I realized while up there that they never called me.

They never called me to go out for a beer, go golfing or anything or hang out.

I always called them.

And therefore it let me believe that it was a one sided friendship.

More of an acquaintanceship in that and from that they were not the people that I invested the depth of my heart into.

And I pulled back on that.

Since being down here, literally I've had one friend who has contacted me from that time period.

And I've been down here now two and a half years.

And I don't, I don't think less of them.

I just redefined our relationship over it.

When I see them, it is like we never left.

And we are dear and close as ever, but understand out of sight, out of mind and we move on our separate way.

Yeah, I have a friend.

So my one friend, his name's Tim.

I don't know if he ever listens to this or not, but he, he moved.

We grew up together in Maryland.

And when I say grew up together, I mean I was at the hospital the day he was born because our parents were friends.

We've known each other his entire existence so far.

And what's the age difference since you were there when he was born?

Nine months.

Nine months.

I'm telling you, like we grew up together.

We grew up together.

And so like we know each other probably too well and you know, and we've had such a friendship where there was times where we didn't want to be around each other and there's times where we kind of fought with each other and hate each other, but then we loved each other and it's all over the place.

But then one day he moved to North Carolina and he's been, he's still there.

And I see him every.

I don't even know.

I don't even think it's once a year.

I haven't seen him since I moved down here.

Although he's.

We're trying to put stuff together, it just doesn't work out and.

But he is the kind of person that we've known each other so long, it could be five years and I could.

We could run each other and it would be like all good.

We reach out from time to time on the phone, you know, if we think of one another, a funny video or something pops up.

But, like, I mean, it's.

It's once for me.

It's like I got used to friendships that get to the point where maintenance is minimal.

I think that that is over time.

Yeah.

Which what you're talking about hasn't reached those yet.

Those.

Those relationships hadn't reached that point.

And honestly, that was one of the things that we talked about, just being completely transparent and real with you guys, is that, like, I was like, look, you know, I have to this year, starting a new business and a lot of new things.

Right.

I can only spend time pouring into people who are also pouring back.

Whether that's.

I'm not saying, like, you got to be a fire hydrant, but there's got to be at least a trickle back.

And so.

And I wasn't.

We hadn't had that conversation.

And.

And so, like, I was like, hey, dude, you know, first off, have I done anything wrong that's caused this?

And he was like, nah, man, this is just this.

And he explained all that he's explained on here so far to me.

And I was like, okay, cool.

Like, I just wanted to get that in the open.

Yeah.

And I was like, look, dude, like, this is where I'm at with.

With life right now, is that I have to.

I'm totally willing to pour into people who are pouring into me.

But if I'm pouring into.

And I mean friendships.

The friendships bit.

Well, that's why I was conditional earlier.

Not to blow up the room, but it was because there is certain conditionality to the establishment of once you reach critical mass.

And I got where he was at because, like, for a while, we were always looking for something to do.

He came over, we did game nights.

We were doing all kinds of stuff.

And then it was actually right before the holiday season, I got kind of busy and I just kind of plowed through the holidays.

And we haven't done anything in a.

While, and I feel like I'm always that busy.

So like.

So the holidays are like nothing to me.

Like, it doesn't all of us go.

Underground at certain times.

I went underground.

I do that.

And it's not despite anyone.

It's just that some, like I said, I'm the kind of person that sometimes.

And it's good to have someone that is willing to go, hey, are you breathing?

Because, like, I'll put my head down and start planning forward without any thought of it.

And then if I wasn't married.

I'd spend one night a week with you and one night a week with you.

One night a week with you.

Like that's.

I would be all, what, we're gonna.

Spend less time together.

I'd spend three nights a week with you, two nights a week with you.

At least one night a week.

You got a big family, it's okay.

But even Christ, I mean he separated from his dearest friends in the garden to be alone and with the father and they're so.

And the 40 days in the wilderness.

But through all of the intimacy and all the, the true love that is there, even Christ as an example is where we go underground for a bit and we have to be alone.

Tend our own garden, if you will.

And whether that be ministering at home or our own well being, you need that alone time.

And honestly it refocuses you on spiritual import.

And it's a strange thing for me too because I've had to learn.

So I'm a very extroverted person.

I love people, I love talking, I'm trying to learn such like that.

But like I also realized that I have an extroverted tank that fills now a lot of times it does not run full.

So when I'm.

When it's not full, I'm constantly striving to talk to people.

But if it's full or it feels full, then I, I'll just stop for a while and.

And I almost become introverted.

Okay, I'm not introverted, but I almost do because I'm perfectly fine.

Not so much.

It manifests like that.

Yeah, so that's.

I think that's where I'm at.

And I think a lot of it had to do with the holiday, especially for him and I's.

Because I had people at my house in all different capacities.

I'm talking, you know, like I said, my two buddies came down for a week.

My son was down, my mother in law is now at the house.

My brother in law came down.

We had some other friends from Maryland came down or five of them came down like so we were.

I had a lot of things, a lot of interactions, a lot of stuff going on.

You also have a unique situation where you have about 50 kids.

Yeah, I have not just your four and a half, but kids of the church.

I'm always around them, the student ministry and the church itself.

And so my tank doesn't run very lean most of the time.

It's usually running at least half full.

But it just felt full.

And so I found contentment with that.

And so contentment is what breeds me.

Just put my head down and go.

But see, you're using the exact word of.

What I seek in a friendship is contentment and comfort.

And it's not always an active thing.

Sometimes it's a, we're cool.

You sit on the couch, man.

We're cool.

Yeah, I love that.

I love the kind of friend that you can like.

You don't have to necessarily do anything when you hang out.

Right.

Like, some of my friendships growing up, I'd go over my friend, be like, hey, I'm just playing videos.

I just sit there and let him play video games.

Sometimes I watch him.

Sometimes I'll be chilling, looking at a magazine, whatever, and shoot, man.

There was a.

One of my.

My one friend, Tim, I told you, I broke her up with him.

We were to the point where we just walked into each other's house sometimes.

We didn't even say hello to each other before we made ourselves something to eat.

There was a time I was watching tv, and next thing I know, I see him sit down on the couch across from me.

I didn't even know he's at my house.

He came into my house, went into my kitchen, made himself a bowl of cereal, and then came and sat on the couch.

What's up?

And I'm like, oh, hey, what's going on?

Like, that's the kind of like.

And just that no pressure situation.

Don't get me wrong, I love to do things too, but, like, it's kind of cool when you have that kind of contentment.

Like, it's.

It's great.

Well, I'm looking forward to, like, I enjoy when we're hanging out, we're smoking cigars, watching the show or the game or whatever.

But, you know, I look forward to those interactions because I.

It fills me up and spare, especially with spiritually mature men, because my brain is always on fire for God.

And I'm like.

I like to ask the deep question that just.

You can't have that without the intimacy of our trust.

Yeah.

Because somebody else.

It's either a stumbling block or they like, what did you just say?

It's like.

Or another questioning you.

Right.

Just in general.

Like, that's.

I'm.

I'm a sieve.

Right.

Like, I don't.

I don't have a hole.

I don't have a slow leak.

I don't have.

I'm a cylinder.

Everything.

Right.

Everything pours in and then immediately pours out.

And so, like, I'm.

I'm never full.

Like, I've got to go and go and go.

We'll go back to when you said that your, your friendships are what?

Contingent or you have contentment, comfort.

No, no, no, not that.

The first parties.

Contingencies.

That's when you decided.

Conditional, conditional.

The development of them.

The reason why I came different is because yes, I know for other people it is.

But honestly for me, I will be somebody's friend whether they're my friend or not.

I can literally.

I can literally walk up to the stranger, start talking to them and they need something.

I can give them something.

Because I don't know if I'm that guy too.

I don't know if I get that.

Friendship is a mutual.

It's not.

But I don't.

For me, I don't have to be your friend and your friend back with me.

I'm going to do, most likely I'm going to do what I would do for Derek if I meet.

That's.

That's manifestation.

So that's the physicality of.

It's not the emotion.

What if, what if we're missing a piece here.

And that is what if to.

To call you a friend, you also have to call me a friend.

It has to be both ways.

What if, what if that's the piece we're.

That's what I'm saying.

Because otherwise it's a one way street.

Now that's not.

But it doesn't mean it's difference between.

A friend and a friendship.

But wait, but.

Right, because then the relationship.

Okay, Jesus.

I can see that Jesus died for.

Everybody whether they loved him back or not.

Sure.

Yes.

But that's how I.

That's just how I approach that matter.

That's just how I approach people.

That's what I try to.

I think it's admirable and it's a wonderful thing.

But I would be dishonest if I told you I do.

No, no.

And then like I said, it's different things.

But I can do.

Granted, I'm not just going to trust somebody was staying at my house if I just met him.

You know, if I'm not there, I'm not gonna do that to the point.

But that's my friends I would do that with.

Right.

I would do that too.

But what I'm saying though is most of the stuff I'm going to do for you, I would do for them.

Right.

I think, I think there are, there are certain stages.

There are certain, there are certain things.

No, I mean that's the love bit.

Right?

Like so that's, that's the love piece of all of the relationships.

And that's the thing that's kind of what I was trying to say from when I was going with the Corinthians bit, is like, it doesn't matter what relationship you have with a person, whether you're an acquaintance, where you're a friend, whether you're married, whether you don't know the person at all, whatsoever.

You're called to love them and treat.

Them as a friend.

I could live with that.

At all times.

You're supposed to treat everybody as a.

Friend if you're loving them.

I mean, that is.

Right.

Like it doesn't matter.

I agree with you, John.

I will say my friendships, though.

I do so again, separating from friend and friendship.

My friendships that are.

There is more that I expect of people who call me friend, and that's.

People who call me friend.

I expect more.

Okay?

People who call me friend.

And now.

And now here's.

Here's a twist.

I would still call a friend, in that case, an acquaintance.

As you.

As you develop these things, they manifest different at different times in your life.

Okay?

As you have young children, your friendships circulate around the friends of the children's parents because you're thrown into that soup together.

And now as I am grown, my children are grown, with exception of my grandson, who is always on my hip, so I know his friendships.

I look for friendships where I can enjoy company with you guys as opposed to.

They're not family friendships anymore.

It used to be, well, this couple and us, we do things together because we're couples, and it was different.

So now my friendships are individual, and Joanne's friends with a lot of them, not friends with some of them.

It's all the development for her relationships, too.

And that's why that intimate accountability trust, all of that wound up.

But it's really interesting because as you.

As your life changes, your needs change, and therefore you find fulfillment in different ways.

I am much less actively clingy in a relationship now where I.

We got to be together, we got to go play darts together, we got to go to the game together.

Hey, come on over it.

And what, you're not coming over?

What's wrong?

You know, to where.

Now I'm like, come on over.

My door is always open to you, dude.

You never have to even call before you show up.

Let's go.

If I'm doing something, you know what?

You'll do it with me.

I live 15 and 20 minutes away from you.

I'm definitely gonna message you before I show Up.

That's a bit of a drive, but.

You know what I'm saying, though, it evolves.

So the definition can change, but I think the core values are always the same.

There's a trust and accountability and intimacy to it.

And, and if.

And it's.

It's mutual, I think, I think in order to call it a friend, it's got to be mutual.

And it, it.

That's not to say anything less of any of the other relationships that you have.

So.

No, if anything, I would say that as you're defining friend in the one side, I would call that a brother.

I think we're all brothers, because I don't.

I can see that as being.

I don't call my middle ground of co workers friends, but I do call them acquaintances, because I will.

And somebody was sick.

Hey, how you feeling?

How you.

You know, one of my co workers, his wife's side of the family, the.

Her uncle shot himself.

And so it.

I really hurt.

And I just, I was generally, I was.

I mean, but we're not friends.

We don't hang out.

We don't do things.

I just see him at work.

But like I said, I would do that for anybody in this church.

I'm just trying to have the compassion and love for everybody.

But yet there are.

There are those that are friends.

So if I give, I'm expecting them to give back the same, you know.

Who doesn't have any acquaintances.

Hulk Hogan brother.

But, but.

And if I can make a public service announcement to those who would listen, that would be in my friendship circle.

I seek the compassion that you have for my fellow man.

And sometimes I neglect to even ask my wife or my grandson who's not feeling well, how are you feeling?

And it's not a lack of care for them, but a lack of practiced compassion on my part.

And that is something that I pray for and God has been working on me to actually.

I'm actually seeing some growth in those areas, which is wonderful.

But again, they're my friends, as you are, and you guys have accepted me despite those shortcomings.

And I think that that's important too, as a component to that friendship.

And it may not fall to the level of forgiveness.

And that's why I say it's tolerance.

We have differences and we tolerate it in each other because relationships, I was taught, are like a bank account.

There has to be more deposits than withdrawals to maintain a good relationship.

And in that friendship, sometimes it can be overdrawn.

But you know, they're going to make good sometime and it's an emotional thing.

It really is.

And then you don't charge interest.

No.

Right.

Like, that's.

That's an important.

Like, I don't expect more of you because you've been withdrawn.

Like, for instance, us, Right.

Like, this is perfect example.

Like, I don't expect more from you.

I just wanted to communicate and make sure that we're still on same page and we're good.

And that's what.

That's what.

That's what I got.

And so I was like, okay, cool.

Like, we're.

If we're good, we're good.

So we got to remember to.

To not expect more of someone.

Right.

You know, if.

If we're friends with them, I think.

That comes to understanding.

Like, if he saw me and he's like, oh, Matt's got his head down again.

He's like, all right, you know, next machine.

Now that he knows, he'll know.

Okay.

I think that's just what it is.

And just a simple check, like you did.

Hey, we're good, right?

Yeah, we're good.

Cool.

All right, great.

Moving on that.

Or I'll be like, yo, dude, dude, you need to come on Friday.

Right?

So I'm just putting that out.

There was one time this Friday, right, Derek.

And my friendship was a little strained.

During a discipleship group, we got into a heated discussion, and it was pretty.

Close to a fight.

The only reason.

The only reason why I got upset was because I felt he didn't know me.

If he called me friend, he didn't know me to make a comment that he made.

And so if for a couple days, we really didn't talk.

Yeah.

Back then, that was, like, a big deal.

We even had.

We even had our volunteer appreciation dinner, and we had to sit at the same table.

And it took everything I got poking.

It took everything I had just to say, hey.

And just to say.

And be.

And be somewhat a pleasant person, because I.

I mean, I really was mad, but we were.

I was able.

He still called me up and said, hey, can you help me with this?

And I still went over to his house, but it was at that time that we were.

I was able to tell him how I felt.

And he's like, hey, I apologize.

I didn't mean to do that.

And it was all good, but that's the only time I remember I can think of something that.

And.

And that's what gets me.

If you make a comment that's to me, but you call me friend, and you make a comment that doesn't relate to Me at all.

I didn't feel that related to me at all.

He didn't.

He just didn't know me if he really thought that about me.

I forget.

Exactly.

So then a component of friendship to you is knowing you intimately.

Yeah, know me.

Know me enough that.

I mean, just because I say one thing doesn't mean it falls forever.

And I seek to be.

I seek to be Jesus his friend because I want.

I want him to know me and I want to know him.

Right.

Like that's big.

And just for anybody listening, like, sometimes people don't know that they've said something or done something wrong, and you don't necessarily know that they didn't mean it that way.

And so it takes, it takes communication to make friendships work.

You have to be open.

If you trust that person enough to call him a friend, then you need to trust that person enough to be like, yo, dude.

Like, that kind of hurt.

Like, what's up?

You know, it just took me a.

Moment to calm down, right.

But still, I was still mad at him.

He asked me to come over and help him build something.

I'm like, all right, I'll come over there.

You were emotionally constipated at that time?

No, he was over emotional.

No, he was.

He was locked up.

He couldn't.

He couldn't.

Oh, get past it.

But, but here's, here's the thing.

I.

I'm experiencing it with, with different relationships.

And it's so funny because that this topic is, Is here because what I find myself wondering with friends, that I see them, their behavioral patterns are changed.

Not necessarily good, not necessarily bad, they're changed.

And therefore it had me asking my wife this, should I find out what their expectations are in the relationship or a friendship?

Because I don't want to be guilty of neglecting their emotional needs and hurting them without trying.

Now, by having that level of compassion, which is really new to me and foreign and weird, but it really.

But to me, it lets me know a.

That I truly do look at them in a friendship as opposed to in a companionship or an acquaintanceship.

But you know what's really strange is much like church hurt, when that term is used, it is because there's an expectation we've placed on the other person.

And in this sense, I flipped it around.

I don't want them to have an expectation on me that I'm not fulfilling if I'm capable of fulfilling it.

And we see that in all level of relationships out there.

And I think, again, to your point of being known or the Trust factor.

I think it really gets into stepping over the line from acquaintance into friendship.

Because now you're almost family.

Yeah.

And like, I have family members I'm not friends with.

Okay.

And I'm not trying to be their friends, but in seeking relationship with.

With people who are not of my bloodline, I look at it different and I go, you know, I have a responsibility to them.

And I think that when I say accountability, I don't want that to be lost because it's from inside.

I see the want to fulfill them.

I almost see that.

And I know it's.

We can talk about terms all day long as we're wrapping up, but I almost see that as the step of where it becomes a brother, you know, Because I.

I don't know.

I never had a brother growing up.

I mean, I had a friend who I considered a brother.

Sure.

I'll think, no, you don't want my brother.

But what I'm saying is, your friend.

I'm not going to give him my brother.

I'll take that abuse.

What I'm saying is, like, I.

I see, like, there's things that I would do for family that I wouldn't always do for a friend, you know, I'll.

Do for a friend before.

I understand, I understand.

But, like, I won't run.

I won't go to my brothers for any kind of support or if I'm struggling with something, but I will run to you or you or you.

If I'm struggling with something, I need help.

My.

My brothers aren't.

I will run to my son.

Him and I have that.

Not just father and son relationship, but we have that intimate friendship.

Friendship.

It's almost like how Jesus, I don't know, and the father have that relationship.

You're also the youngest, right?

I am the youngest and I'm the oldest in mine, and there's four of us, so and so, like, I was.

I don't know, I.

I guess I was always trying to either beat on or, you know, understand or whatever and.

And protect and all of that over, over all the youngers, you know, that it was like, I don't know, like, if I'm your brother, I.

I will take all of the arrows.

Right.

That's how I see it.

It's like if someone's firing at you and we're friends, I'll try to use my shield as best I can.

Right.

Obviously, I got your back.

But if.

If worse comes to worst and my shield is gone, I will take the arrows.

Right.

Like, so I don't Know, See, for.

Me, though, brother, I look at my brothers as more of acquaintances.

I love them because.

I love them because I have to, not because.

And it's not because they.

They beat me up and I was younger.

They picked on me.

It was none of that, man.

That's just brothers being.

I want to get to that point where I love you because I have to.

Like, I can't not.

But my brothers are not where I am at when it comes to our moral standards, our spirituality.

No, I.

I just can't go to them.

But when it wrenches, I'm gonna throw branches.

When it comes to you guys, you are.

You are.

You are closer to me than.

You guys are like brothers.

And to the point that, yeah, I would call on you to go into Voxel.

I would call on you in those moments when I'm not going to do that to my brothers.

But I love them.

I'll still do things for him and be there for him.

I'll still fight for him.

But there's a degree of just.

There's just another degree.

Yeah, they're my brothers because we're blood, but you guys are my brothers.

Be by choice.

And by one, I mean, there's something.

To be said to that.

There was a guy that I might.

I refer to him as Uncle Jeff.

Uncle Jeff wasn't a blood uncle, but he was closer to me by far, to my actual blood uncle.

I didn't really have that relationship.

I saw my other.

My blood uncle on holidays, and that's it really, for the most part, here and there, we'd do something, and there was a couple memories from my childhood that were awesome.

But, like, my Uncle Jeff and I spent a lot of time together.

He mentored me, he poured into me.

He loved me, he encouraged me.

You know, he was real with me.

This is a man that, like, became.

I mean, he's family to me more than some of my family.

You know what I mean?

Right.

And so it's.

It's a whole different level when somebody's in your life that much and shared life with you on levels that deep that there.

It's like almost like you have to.

Because there's no going back.

Your love for them is established far and below, above anything else.

No.

Yeah.

So what do y'all think?

Right?

Like, we wanna.

We wanna know what you guys are.

Are thinking with.

With this stuff.

I mean, who is the most correct in here, Right?

Are we completely way off base?

Right?

Like, what.

What's.

What's up?

And one of those things, I mean, Think about it.

Women are wired differently in their friends.

Yeah.

Totally different per se than ours, but I would say that their core values are probably still there.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I would think Trust the love, right?

That, that, that is.

I agree.

So, yeah, we want to hear from you ladies that are watching.

I know there's at least one of you out there.

Actually, I know there's at least two of you out there.

So, yeah, let us know.

Share.

Share some comments.

Share it with other people.

Yep.

Share and comment.

Comment and then share and like, subscribe.

And don't forget, we are on the Patreon right now.

So we do have three of you out there.

Three of you out there.

I know I said this time we would have the names ready.

I am a slacker.

I didn't have the names ready for the throwing out.

Okay, so.

But I'll get you next time.

Yes.

Let's get.

And maybe we need to have like, one of those, like, like a in credits where our Patreon peoples is that hard to do?

You could call out your Patreon subscribers.

I mean, maybe.

I, I, I've never done that.

That would be fun to try.

There's a podcast I used to listen to that they, all their sponsors, they literally called them out by name.

All right, we can, we can do, we can do one of those, like, be fun medical advisory things where like, we just take turns reading names and then you just speed it up at the end.

Oh, wow.

Let's see.

I mean, we've only got three right now, so it's not gonna be fine.

Be on the lookout.

This could be a part of our new show.

We need to do a new.

We're gonna film a new.

Or do a new.

We need to do an intro and probably a new outro.

Well, the intro is not bad, right?

Or do you want.

Well, I guess the intro is just the music, isn't it?

Yeah.

So we're.

And I made a video for.

So yeah, we'll need to do a new outro and this is gonna be fun.

So, yeah, this will give me something neat to do.

Yeah.

So thanks for joining us, guys.

And we hope that, you know, maybe someday we could be friends with you guys if we're not already and if we are, shout out to you.

So, yeah.

God bless.

Amen.

Hey, thanks for joining us.

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Thanks for joining us this week, and God bless.