Hello and welcome to the Choosing Happy podcast.

I'm Heather Masters and this week I'm exploring the art of putting yourself in other people's shoes and the advantages of being able to do that, especially in a world where we're looking like we are constantly in conflict and separation and disagreements, when really everyone at a high level want the same thing.

They want the best for their family, for their friends and for the planet.

They want to be able to laugh, to love, to have a future and to leave a legacy.

And that's what we're going to look at today in terms of how you can resolve conflict, how you can have better relationships, and how you can thrive as a business by using this technique of stepping into other people's shoes.

So stay tuned for this episode of the Choosing Happy podcast.

Hello and welcome to the Choosing Happy podcast.

I'm Heather Masters, and today we're exploring an incredibly powerful concept, the power of stepping into other people's shoes.

And this idea goes beyond mere empathy.

It's a transformative practice that can enhance our relationships, improve our business strategies, and help us navigate conflicts more effectively.

So grab your favorite drink, I've got my coffee here.

Get comfortable and let's dive in.

Now let's begin by unpacking what it truly means to step into someone else's shoes.

The concept is rooted in empathy, the ability to understand and share the feeling of another.

Now imagine this scenario.

You're having a tough day at work and your colleague snaps at you over a minor issue.

It's easy to take that personally, but what if you paused for a moment and considered what might be going on in their life?

Perhaps they're dealing with stress at home or facing deadlines that are really weighing heavily on them.

By stepping into other people's shoes, you gain the insight into their behaviour and correspond with compassion rather than frustration.

And this simple shift in perspective can transform your interactions.

Another example of this is given by Stephen Covey in his book the Seven Habits of highly effective people.

In that book, he talks about being at a railway station where dad and his children, his two children, are causing a bit of a ruckus.

The children are running about a little bit uncontrollable, and everyone around is getting a bit annoyed at the fact that his father seems to be in a different space and not taking control of his children.

And the story turns out out they have just come back from the funeral of their mother.

So we never know.

We really don't know often what people are facing.

Even sometimes our best friends won't tell us everything in times of despair and real hardship.

Let's look at it now from a business perspective and how we can use this ability to take a breath and step into someone else's shoes.

And how it applies in the business world, really beginning with the very start of your business, where understanding your customers is crucial for success.

And this is never so true as with the dawn of AI, because we are now competing in a marketing world for customers, where brilliant AI scripts are coming out to attract those same customers.

But if we really take the time to understand our customers in a way that we know them better than they know themselves, we can elevate our business because we can speak to them in a way AI just can't.

So creating a customer avatar is about developing a detailed profile of your ideal customer, really stepping into their shoes so you can identify their problems, their struggles, their needs, their desires, their pain points, and do that so accurately that they feel like you're in their head, if you like, that you truly understand them at a level that no one else does.

And one of the exercises to do this is to take some time out and really write down, really sit as if you are your ideal customer and go through all of the challenges they face.

What are their problems?

Write down the insights, write down their goals, and do it in a way that you're actually visualizing them going through their day.

So what do they do when they get up in the morning?

What do they eat for breakfast?

Do they listen to the radio?

What are they thinking about when they're in the shower?

What's keeping them awake at night?

What are their relationships?

Who are they talking to?

Are they a mum with kids and they've got to do the school run?

Are they a dad who is really worried about the future for their children?

What is it that's on their mind?

What are they struggling with?

What are the issues that are coming up for them that if they had a solution, would lighten the burden of their day, but go through the whole day, go through their trip to work?

Do they take the car?

Do they take a train?

Go through what they read on the train?

What are they listening to?

What music inspires them?

And really get to know your customer.

And the more you get to know that customer, and the more you really understand your customer, the easier it is to use this technique.

Every time you write a piece of copy, you create a piece of content because you're creating it for them, you're not creating it for you.

They're not interested in you, they're interested in themselves.

They're interested in how they're feeling, they're interested in how you can help them.

They're not even interested in your product or service.

They're interested in how they can move from the area they're struggling with to the success that they want, the transformation they want to make in their lives.

So once you have a clear understanding of your customer avatar, you can tailor your whole marketing strategy around them.

Because if you know your target audience and you know, for instance, they value family, you can speak directly to their values and experiences around family and your marketing becomes impactful.

So if they're an entrepreneur, how can they build a business that supports their family and supports family time, rather than creating a business that doesn't take family into account?

So think about brands that build their entire marketing strategy and empathy around their customer where they understand their customers desire.

For instance, travel companies who directly serve the independent traveler and they truly understand that market, what the trend is, what people are really looking for right now.

Another where you can use this technique of really stepping into someone else's shoes is an employee relations.

By understanding your employees perspective, you can really relate to them.

You can help them grow as an employee, as well as supporting them in their dreams and fostering trust and open communication so that you get the best from your employees and that you build a long term culture for your employees so that they want to stay constantly.

Check in with your team members, asking them how they feel about their workload or the challenges they're facing.

And also building that relationship allows them to be open to let you know about the challenges they're facing in terms of your customers and what your customers are telling them about your business.

This empathy not only shows that you care, but it also allows a space for better collaboration and problem solving, and a more open space for sharing what the problems of the business are.

Because it's often the employees on the front line who really understand where the business is having issues, rather than someone in mid management who may not be privy to that type of information.

Now, where this technique really comes in powerfully is in personal relationships.

Let's shift gears and explore how stepping into other people's shoes impacts our personal relationships.

In friendships, misunderstandings can often lead to unnecessary conflict.

So if you can imagine a friend who may seem distant, instead of assuming they're upset with you, consider what else might be happening in their life.

It's not always about you.

As I said earlier, it can be that they're facing a problem or a crisis and they don't want to burden you with their problems.

I once had a friend who stopped reaching it out as much.

Instead of confronting her immediately, I decided to check in with her gently, and it turned out she was going through a tough family situation.

I have a friend at the moment who I speak to much more rarely than I used to because I know that she has a lot of things going on in her life, but that when we do check in, friendship hasn't been impacted at all.

In a way, it's actually stronger because we're supporting each other and she knows she can call whenever she needs to and that space is open for her.

There's no assumption around a conflict or an upset, because we are open enough to reach out to each other and to ask what's going on in each other's world.

So next time you sense attention in a friendship, take a moment to reflect on what might be really going on in the other person's life before reacting and offer that space for them to share.

Family relationships can be particularly complex due to history and emotional ties.

And conflicts often arise from miscommunication or different perspectives, or your family holding a perspective of you and not making an allowance for the fact that you may have changed, that you may have grown, that you're not the person that you were 510 years ago, the person that they, in their head, are still expecting you to be.

So, for example, if you're having a disagreement with your parents, especially around topics like career choices or lifestyle, or partner choices, try to understand their viewpoint first.

It doesn't mean you have to take on their viewpoint, but being able to understand their perspective helps you work with that perspective better.

They may have concerns that are rooted in love, but are expressing them through worry or frustration.

During family discussions, practise active listening.

Really listen to what they're saying, and also listen to what they're not saying.

Look for the gaps, the conversation, the areas they're not addressing.

Reflect back what you hear them say before sharing your own perspective.

And this shows that you're really listening and you have a respect for their feelings, and it opens the door for more constructive dialogue.

Now, conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but viewing situations from another's perspective can significantly alter the outcomes when tensions arise.

We can deescalate conflict, whether at work or home, by taking a moment to breathe and consider the other person's feelings before responding.

This pause can prevent escalation and lead to more productive conversations.

Now there's another technique where you can put yourself in different positions.

It's called perceptual positions.

In NLP, I'm just going to paraphrase it, I'm not going to go into the depth of it.

But in the first position you are yourself and you're looking at a conflict.

So maybe you have a conflict with your sister.

So you are expressing out loud what that conflict is, how it makes you feel.

And you do that just for 30 seconds, 40 seconds, you keep it really minimum.

You actually physically get up and sit in a different chair.

And this chair is your sister and you're sitting down as your sister.

You are your sister.

So if your sister's name is Laura, you are Laura.

And from Laura's perspective, you talk about the situation, the conflict that you have with whoever it is.

So for me it would be hezza.

So Laura would be expressing the conflict and the feelings and the thoughts and about what the situation, what the conflict is with Heather.

And then after that you shake that off and you move into a higher perspective.

So you're standing up and you're looking at Heather and Laura.

And you are the third person, you are the observer.

You've listened to both perspectives and from a neutral position you can give yourself another position of the Bob or some name that is the observer's name.

So you've stepped away from the other two and you're looking at the neutral observer say Bob.

So Bob's looking at the other two and he's just been watching what's happening and he is noticing something that neither of these two are noticing.

What is he noticing?

What's happening that is causing this conflict that neither of them are noticing?

And then once you've spoken that out loud, sit back down in the first seat as yourself.

So I would sit down as Heather.

And what have I learned from this process?

What have I learned that I didn't know before?

How can I use what I've learned to empower me to help resolve the conflict?

It's a really, really powerful technique and you can use it for business or for life.

And remember that understanding where someone's coming from allows you to find common ground more easily.

It shifts the focus from winning an argument to seeking a mutual understanding and to really expressing empathy and understanding.

It doesn't mean you have to absolutely agree, but having that understanding shifts things.

So as we wrap up today's episode on the power of other people's shoes, remember that this practice enriches our lives.

It's really powerful.

It allows us to foster empathy and it allows for a better connection with others, whether it's enhancing your business strategies and knowing that customer better than they know themselves or whether it's nurturing personal relationships.

Stepping into someone else's shoes can lead to a much deeper understanding and bring harmony to your life and business.

So thank you for joining me today on the Choosing Happy podcast.

I hope you feel inspired to try this out and try to step into someone else's shoes today.

Whether it's a colleague at work or a friend in need or a relation, a family member, experience the world through their eyes.

Give it a go, test it out, and until next time, keep choosing happiness.

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this week's episode.

If you enjoyed it or think it would be valuable to others, please do share.

And if you really enjoyed it, please leave me a review.

It really helps the podcast.

All of the links are in the show notes and I look forward to seeing you next week on the Choosing Happy podcast.