[TRANSCRIPT]

0:00:00 - (sam): Hello. Hello and welcome back. I have a juicy topic for you today. And I know that we've been talking super business and now we're going to shift it over to us and the person behind the business, because when we are winning in our business, but we're not winning in our home, then we're not winning at all. Let me just tell you that one more time. If we are winning in business and we are not winning at home, we are not winning at all.

0:00:29 - (sam): Okay? And I'm going to tell you what I mean by that, because what I want to jump into today is how I took my chaotic motherhood into a thriving, peaceful parenting. And no, no gentle parenting was involved. And I know everybody just fell over when I said that, but no, I do not subscribe to the gentle parenting. And I'll tell you why in this episode. So, as we hop in, I just wanted to share with you guys of where I was when I first became a mother. So as you're listening to this, my daughter just turned five years old, and I am just beyond the moon of who she is now. And I'm just so thrilled, so thrilled with who she is.

0:01:16 - (sam): And so through that, I have had an interesting journey with motherhood. And so what I just want to tell you is, one, you're going to walk away encouraged today, especially as a young mom who feels like she's been pulled 42 different ways in her motherhood of, you need to do this or you need to do that or unsolicited advice that from a stranger that you don't even know, I'm going to tell you how to, like, just break those chains and how to make sure that you're listening to people that are the right people to listen to and to, like, where you get your guidance from and where you get your peace from.

0:01:55 - (sam): Okay? So if we can just get some guidance, some advice, and some peace, I think that's all going to transform the motherhood that we all have and just, like, grow and build that out. Okay? So if you're on with me today, let's just jump right in. So with Quinn being, you know, five now, I've learned a few things. I haven't been a mother for a long time, but I've been a mother for a short time and a good time.

0:02:20 - (sam): And so with that, I always like to talk about is, you know, when she was first born, y'all, my first pregnancy, I was 41 and a half weeks pregnant. When I finally went into labor, I had a 40 hours pregnant or 40 hours labor. And then I pushed for 4 hours. So let me just tell you, okay. It was not easy. Okay. My entrance to motherhood was like, very wild. I was planning on having a home birth. I ended up having a non emergency transfer just due to the fact that I couldn't go to sleep. So.

0:02:56 - (sam): And like, rest in labor, which if you've had a child, you know, is not easy either. But we felt safe, you know, we just felt safer going. And they were able to help me get a little bit of restaurants, let my body relax, and then we were able to move forward from there. So it was like, it was a good experience. So please don't have, like, a negative view of home birth. That's just how our story went. And it was not emergency. It was.

0:03:20 - (sam): It was a great thing. I had a great ob. He was wonderful. Anyways, so with all of that, then, now I'm just sent home to go be a mother to this child, and I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm pretty sure for like the first six weeks, if I didn't have to get out of bed, I did not get out of bed. And after all the guests and visitors, oh, my gosh, I did not get out of bed for like two months if I didn't have to during the day.

0:03:47 - (sam): We spent lots of time in bed in the first couple months, and that's all right. But through that is like, we just had a very, like, stressful time in the beginning. Like, my nervous system is already in haywire because I just had a child. It was a very long birth. Everything was great, but it was just a hard, like, it was just. Your nervous system is just an overwhelm because your body is changing rapidly. You have tons of people in and out of your home.

0:04:13 - (sam): You don't know how to feel. You don't know how to act. You feel inadequate. There's just all of these things that are now driving your motherhood. And you feel like if you say anything that people are going to be like, oh, well, you know, like, we figured it out. Well, I wasn't figuring it out fast enough, but anyways, fast forward. My daughter had really severe lip and tongue ties. Let's just add to this equation.

0:04:36 - (sam): And she was birth weight at six weeks. And so we were able to get those revised. We were able to get my supply back up. All of the good things. She is a thriving, very intelligent five year old. Everything is all good. God is good that he took care of us in that situation. But from that stemmed a lot of guilt, stemmed a lot of overwhelm because not everybody was really happy with my decisions. And, wow, I would never take back that. I got her lip and tongue tied taken care of. I would never take that back.

0:05:11 - (sam): But not everybody agreed with me. And because I'm kind of in the holistic community, I don't prefer the term crunchy, because I feel like I'm very tied to being a certain way. And I am very clearly, like, just who I am. And that's the most important part, is you have to also realize exactly who you are and be okay with who you are, especially, especially in your motherhood. Okay? So through all that, like, navigating people, being upset with my decisions, all that kind of stuff, I really just faded into trying not to rock the boat and trying to do everybody's advice, which, let me just tell you, well, completely overwhelm you.

0:05:56 - (sam): It will throw your nervous system into complete haywire and it will be one of the most difficult things you ever try to navigate is trying to please everyone. So from one recovering people pleaser, just, it's not worth it to try to please everyone. Like, the peace you will have is greater than the fear of whatever you may be facing. So just know that. And I'm just telling you this because as you're a mom who's also in business, if you're trying to please everyone, especially your clients, you're not going to do that. You're going to let someone down.

0:06:31 - (sam): And I'm just going to tell you right now to just take a deep breath and lower your shoulders. Because I know as I was talking about that, that was very stressful. And so through all that, I just, like, quit being me. It was like I would wear black and white. So I just kept it very simple. I would not wear anything too far out there to anything too noticeable. I tried to become one of those, like, beige moms.

0:06:58 - (sam): I'm not a beige mom. I am not a beige mom at all. In fact, I love bright colors. And I'm so glad that I finally just stepped into when somebody. So it's funny, like a picture I liked of me because I liked the way my hair looked. They were like, oh, you're, you know, it was like, oh, your arms look really awkward now. I was asking for feedback, so please don't even, like, say this person was being mean to me. I was asking for feedback and I was like, oh, I do look really awkward because I'm not 100% happy with the way I look because I wasn't 100% happy with who I was trying to be.

0:07:34 - (sam): And it was just like, this moment where I was like. It was like God was like, just let it all go. Just be who I created you to be. If you need somewhere to go, read psalm 139, because you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and please know that. And so when I tell you that, like, it was just, like, this huge, like, burden, the yoke was just gone, because it was like, just be you. And you know what?

0:08:00 - (sam): I realized that all of these people that I was trying to be, I didn't want to be. And so why it's so important, this is. This is the defining factor is this is why it is so, so important to find who you would actually trade places with, and that is who you take advice from. And if you would not take advice from them, then you don't take criticism from them. Okay, so here's the thing. It's like, I found mothers that I loved and appreciated in all realms of my life, because here's the deal.

0:08:34 - (sam): The mom that I love to be mentored and emulate, not try to be her, but just like, I like a lot of the things she does when it comes to homeschooling, and I've seen the fruit of her labor, I'm very happy with. And so what do I do is she's someone I go to, okay, hey, I'm struggling with this with homeschool, blah, blah, blah. Can you help me? I ask her for feedback, and I also ask her for advice. Why?

0:08:59 - (sam): Because I would trade places with her in that area of my life. Now, when it comes to business coaching, it's like, I found a coach who understood what it was like to come from very little and to grow into something big. And I knew that I would trade places with her in a heartbeat because she had a good marriage. She had children who loved her. She had a thriving motherhood, and just all the things that I know I want to be as a business owner, and her marriage is good, I would take advice from her. I also take criticism from her because I would trade places with her.

0:09:38 - (sam): And if you're not catching the drift yet, is do not listen to people. You would not. I mean, you can, like, oh, if they give you unsolicited advice, like, okay, great. Thank you. And you move on with your day. And now when it comes to health, I'm like, okay, these people have the health that I want for my children. And so I ask, and like, hey, what would you do in this situation? Because I would trade places with them for my children's health guys, when it comes to, like, finding people that one don't care about your lifestyle.

0:10:14 - (sam): If they don't like, like something that you do and you're like, well, your outcomes are not what I would want, then just like, and I'm preaching to the choir here, like, you are not alone in this. I'm telling you this because I went through it first. I'm telling you from firsthand experience because I want you to go and thrive and kick butt. Okay? So it was like, for me, it was like, well, I'm not going to quit doing that.

0:10:41 - (sam): Why? Because I've seen it be good for me and my family, and you're not doing this, and you don't have the health that I want. So it's like, yeah, I'm not going to do that. Or people who tell me I need to send my kids to school because they won't learn something or other, well, I'm like, well, your kid goes to school and they're the ones getting in trouble all the time. I don't want that for my kid. So I don't listen to you. And I'm not saying these are people in particular, and I'm not being, like, judgmental towards them.

0:11:11 - (sam): I'm just looking at their fruit, which is what God asks us to do, is look at the fruit in their lives and then go from there. So I can just say, okay, thanks, and move on with my day. Because I know that they don't have the fruit that I am looking for. And that, let me just tell you, that is so freeing to not feel like you have to, like, look up to someone just because whatever they think that they have in your life. Because that's the thing, is, like, when you start to feel like you can navigate life well, even if that person's, like, on Instagram, if you're like, oh, I like the way she does whatever.

0:11:52 - (sam): It's funny. One of my favorite people I follow on Instagram started attending our church and I thought was really cool because I like the way she does things. But you know what's really funny is, like, I am a jeans girl, and you won't catch this girly in a dress all that much. Like, all that often. But by golly, that girl wears dresses pretty much every day. She is stunning. She is a mother of three children and she's a homemaker.

0:12:21 - (sam): But you know why I value her and why I would listen to what she, like has to offer? Because I love her relationship with the Lord. And now that she attends my church, I actually get to watch that in action. I mean, I don't see her all the time, so I can't tell you, like, this is 100% of, like, I don't know 100% about her. And that's okay. I don't need to. But it was so cool to get to see that as, like, a young mom who loved the Lord and who was pursuing the Lord and discipling her children.

0:12:51 - (sam): That was so cool to get to, like, and I know that when I talked about those things, then it's like, oh, hey, like, I need to, you know, pay attention to that. Or if I see somebody that I'm like, you know, they're telling me, you should try this. And I, and I have to just feed it through my values and what I want. And maybe they're not being harmful or anything. They're just offering me advice, but I have to filter that advice and figure out if it's going to work for me and be discerning of, like, if that is going to be something that is going to be fruitful or if that's something, I'm going to continue to listen to that person or if I just need to say, okay, great. Thank you so much.

0:13:33 - (sam): Because you don't have to listen to everyone all the time. So I hope you learned a few things from this episode. One, you do not have to please everyone, but you do need to find people that you can get good feedback or advice from, that you can have connection with. And if it has to be different people in different areas of your life, that is okay. You don't have to have just one person, but you need to go and thrive and do well in the things that it is that you want to do as a mother.

0:14:07 - (sam): Because now you're going to have a peaceful life because you're actually living out the life that you want to have. And now you're being the person you actually want to be. And when you're not trying to hold up something that isn't you, you're going to have so much more peace. You're going to have a nervous system that's not constantly stuck in fight or flight, and you're going to quit being a people pleaser, and it's going to be so good for you, for your family, and for your business.

0:14:34 - (sam): So that way, when you're winning in business and you're winning at home, you're winning your winning girl. And speaking of winning, if you'd like my free masterclass, there will be more details right after this.