Episode 31 - Find your tribe

Transcript

00:00:03 Alison

Welcome to mental wealth, the podcast to invest in your mind. Here I will help you make sense of your mind and behaviours, giving you the tools to have your best life. There is so much.

00:00:16 Alison

To share, so let's get.

00:00:17 Alison

Into this episode and explore another great top.

00:00:20

00:00:22 Alison

So welcome to episode 31 and.

00:00:25 Alison

Here we are in.

00:00:26 Alison

January 2024. I am delighted to say that I'm sharing this space with a very special lady, somebody I've met fairly recently and I'd like to welcome Lisa Harper to this episode.

00:00:40 Lisa

Thank you, Allison, for having me along. It's I've been really thrilled and you're inviting me to come on to the podcast. So I'm looking forward to our chat.

00:00:49 Alison

Me too. Me too. So, Lisa, tell everyone a.

00:00:51 Alison

Little bit more.

00:00:52 Alison

About you first to get us started.

00:00:54 Lisa

OK, so I'm Lisa, Lisa Harper. I live in Greater Manchester in a place called Cheadle. Hume. I've lived in the NW for since 1977, actually, but as you can probably tell from my accent, I hail from the Black Country. So I'm youngest of eight kids, so you can see I'm a chatty person.

00:01:15 Lisa

But I moved up to the NW when I got married to my first husband and a couple of kids.

00:01:22 Lisa

They're older and I've got a couple of grandchildren, so I've been in business for myself since 2007 but.

00:01:29 Lisa

I've had about.

00:01:30 Lisa

30 plus years in HR, HR, consultancy, predominantly. But the last, I'd say, five years I've been more focused on coaching and mentoring business owners.

00:01:42 Lisa

On really understanding the purpose of their business and how to engage much more effectively with their employees and and I've transitioned that a little bit more now because as I say to people.

00:01:54 Lisa

People you know when they ask about me, you know of my life is in three sections. The 1st 35 years.

00:02:02 Lisa

I'm now coming.

00:02:02 Lisa

To the end of the 2nd 35 years, and I'm now about to embark on the next 35 years.

00:02:09 Lisa

So in the last 12 months I've created a club called Find your tribe.club.

00:02:15 Lisa

And that is.

00:02:16 Lisa

Predominantly being born out of people asking me to pull something together where they can.

00:02:21 Lisa

Follow what I wear and and you know my.

00:02:24 Lisa

Thoughts. My ideas and sort of bringing the tribe of people like minded people together and.

00:02:30 Lisa

So I'll find.

00:02:31 Lisa

A tribe.club has been born out of that and I.

00:02:33 Lisa

Guess the four.

00:02:35 Lisa

Cornerstones of Finder.

00:02:36 Lisa

Tribe.Club and our values it's about.

00:02:40 Lisa

collaboration, it's about connectivity because we all need to feel connected. It's about camaraderie. You know, most of my long time friends I've met through networking, that's how we met Alison and then last but not least, it's about building a community, a community where you feel that you belong.

00:03:00 Lisa

And a community where.

00:03:01 Lisa

You feel that someone's got.

00:03:02 Lisa

Your back. So. So that's where I'm up to now, Alison.

00:03:06 Alison

All of that, and I remember you saying.

00:03:08 Alison

The your life is in stages. When I first heard you speaking and I thought, I love that idea of saying I've had my for the 1st 35 years and then I'm here I am and I just think it's really healthy to see it like that to sort of see it in stages because life is is a bit like that anyway, isn't it? So I think it'd be brilliant.

00:03:29 Alison

For us to hone in on almost the essence of.

00:03:32 Alison

What your club is about, but also just helping people think about themselves, because I like the the episodes to have that relatable Ness about how important it is to have.

00:03:44 Alison

People around you to have your tribe so that you can have, as you say, the connection, the, the collaboration, the building up and how important that is. I think it's important for us just to raise that possibility, cause some people do find themselves not mixing with the right people or.

00:04:04 Alison

Mixing with anyone at all, particularly with the way that some people's jobs have gone working from home. So let's have a think about what, what do you think is the most important thing around that whole essence of finding your tribe?

00:04:17 Alison

Whatever that might look.

00:04:19 Lisa

OK so so I can only speak from my own experience, Alison. So what I'll think about it. You know, as I said in the beginning, I moved from the Midlands in 1977 to to the North West.

00:04:30 Lisa

I've never lived in.

00:04:31 Lisa

The NW all I knew about the NW was Coronation Street and that was my vision of what Manchester looked like. I was very surprised when I moved.

00:04:40 Lisa

Here, but it was, you know, it wasn't like that at all. But but I guess I left my tribe at home and I was absolutely bereft, you know? Yes. I'd come to start a new life with my new husband. But, you know, I've left my family the youngest of.

00:04:56 Lisa

Eight kids. My.

00:04:57 Lisa

Support network and I used to have to go home.

00:05:00 Lisa

Every weekend, because honestly, I was beside myself and I think that's the thing about a tribe. The first tribe you ever belonged to is your family, tribe good or bad, because there might be some people going. Ohh, I'd been part of my, you know, my.

00:05:13 Lisa

Family's a pain in the ****.

00:05:16 Lisa

But they are. That is your first tribal experience. But I was very, very fortunate because when I meant to move.

00:05:21 Lisa

To the North West.

00:05:23 Lisa

My husband worked in a.

00:05:24 Lisa

Business and he got some nice contacts and he socialised and made some really, really good friends. And so I started to build that nucleus of friendship.

00:05:36 Lisa

So the the visits back home became less frequent. And then obviously I started to have my own little.

00:05:42 Lisa

Tribe, you know.

00:05:43 Lisa

In 79 My first daughter was born.

00:05:46 Lisa

And in 83, my second daughter was born, so I'd really start to build that community. And and I did work part time. You know, I worked in a pub. I sold Tupperware because I needed to feel that sense of belonging.

00:06:01 Lisa

But as time went on.

00:06:02 Lisa

Obviously I started to create a tribe within my workplace and I think it's so important if we Fast forward to now. You know, I talk about the 2nd 35 years of my life in that second 35 years of my life. You know, I got divorced.

00:06:19 Lisa

From a husband.

00:06:21 Lisa

That was traumatic and I really did need my, I guess my social tribe around me and my family try it. I remarried and we talk about mental Wellness. You know, my my second marriage, my, my husband committed suicide and, you know, and.

00:06:40 Lisa

That was extremely traumatic for me. You know, all that sort of stuff which, you know, I don't want you to make it sound like poor.

00:06:49 Lisa

Me, but again.

00:06:51 Lisa

If I hadn't have the support of my kids.

00:06:54 Lisa

My family, my friends, I cannot tell you the amount of people who came together.

00:07:00 Lisa

To help me.

00:07:01 Lisa

And that's why I've always advocated you've gotta be part of a tribe. If your family tribe isn't the right tribe or your social tribe isn't the right tribe, you've gotta find a tribe that really, really does.

00:07:14 Lisa

Support you because it's so important to have that support network.

00:07:18 Lisa

You mentioned Alison, you know, particularly now since sort of since COVID and the whole thing working from home, I think COVID for most people was a really difficult time because of isolation and everybody found a ways to try and connect. Thank God for zoom and teams and.

00:07:37 Lisa

All of that.

00:07:38 Lisa

Sort of stuff.

00:07:39 Lisa

But for me, my tribe has has.

00:07:43 Lisa

Has become I guess, this year 2024. I'm looking to launch it as a a membership because I'm looking there to help women predominantly. But you know, look, I'm happy for.

00:07:56 Lisa

Men to join my.

00:07:57 Lisa

Tribe. You know it's.

00:07:58 Lisa

Not an exclusive female club, but it's there to provide motivation.

00:08:03 Lisa

Inspiration, you know, as as we get older, sometimes our prides leave us, our children go off as mine have.

00:08:09 Lisa

Done mine, both living in Amsterdam

00:08:11 Lisa

So it's about being part of a community where you can learn, you can still continue your personal development. That's brilliant for.

00:08:19 Lisa

Your brain it's.

00:08:21 Lisa

Absolutely important to get back to you, to your own authenticity and that's so important when you're part of the tribe. So that's why it's been important to me.

00:08:32 Alison

I think that's brilliant. I think it's just remembering that we are social beings, aren't we? As humans? You know, this idea that we do live in, like you say, tribes or groups of people and and just paying attention to that, if that's not happening for you, I think one of the things I'd like to come back to.

00:08:52 Alison

Or to highlight a little bit is when you. So you've talked a lot, Lisa, about finding your tribe and I think that the word your tribe is the most important part of that, isn't it? It's the people that can let you show up as you tap into your authenticity because there's so much fakeness out there now. You might be in a group of people.

00:09:13 Alison

That they're not your tribe. But I think the thing that I'd like to just put a little bit of attention on and I'm interested.

00:09:18 Alison

In what you think is when we are.

00:09:21 Alison

In a dysfunctional tribe, so that might be your family as you highlighted, it could be a group of friends. It could.

00:09:28 Alison

Be a group of.

00:09:28 Alison

Old friends from the past, or a group of colleagues that really doesn't serve you. And yet we still.

00:09:36 Alison

Keep going back.

00:09:38 Alison

We still find time and gives these people.

00:09:41 Alison

Time and energy, and I just wondered what your thoughts are on that, just to give people a I suppose permission really to step away from groups and tribes and families that don't work for us.

00:09:55 Lisa

And I think that's a really interesting point, Allison, you know.

00:09:59 Lisa

Look, we've all been.

00:10:00 Lisa

We've all had friendships and relationships and all that sort of stuff that haven't worked for us, whether they're, you know, I've been divorced.

00:10:08 Lisa

Or had the marriage that.

00:10:09 Lisa

Hasn't worked, but I think you you've just gotta be honest with yourself. You've got to ask yourself.

00:10:14 Lisa

Does this serve me well?

00:10:15 Lisa

You know. And if it doesn't serve you, you have.

00:10:19 Lisa

Got to find a way to extricate yourself from that situation. It isn't easy because you have loyalty. You've got all that so and so gonna say. I mean, one has helped me 100%. You know, since I've.

00:10:35 Lisa

Sort of been in.

00:10:36 Alison

My late 30s.

00:10:38 Lisa

I've always been an advocate of personal development. You know, I've read. I won't. I don't say I'll read avidly because when I get into bed, I'll read the book. I can drop off to sleep, but I listen to audible. My car is my university, so I listen to development books. I'll listen to podcasts. I do training.

00:10:58 Lisa

Courses I.

00:10:59 Lisa

Do you know and I don't.

00:11:00 Lisa

Do a training course and the oh.

00:11:01 Lisa

Well, that's a.

00:11:02 Lisa

Good one to do. I'll walk the talk because until you until you hear from other people.

00:11:09 Lisa

And you think, wow.

00:11:11 Lisa

That's just like me. I manage to do it.

00:11:15 Lisa

You know I.

00:11:16 Lisa

Think it it.

00:11:17 Lisa

You can't be an.

00:11:18 Lisa

Island and think Oh well look.

00:11:20 Lisa

You know, Fred, my best friend, I've known I've known.

00:11:23 Lisa

Him for 200 years.

00:11:25 Lisa

But you know, it depresses me every time I see him, but I've gotta, you know, I've gotta be with friend. I've been his.

00:11:30 Lisa

Friend for two.

00:11:31 Lisa

100 years. Sometimes you've got to be able to say this isn't working.

00:11:36 Alison

I think that's so important and I think.

00:11:39 Alison

Just hearing you say that hopefully, and I'm agreeing the reminder that sometimes it is OK to just say actually no, it's not serving me and it's not actually giving me what I want because all the energy that you put into those dysfunctional things, that's almost prevent us from then.

00:11:59 Alison

Putting our energy into the things that are gonna.

00:12:01 Alison

Work for us.

00:12:02 Lisa

And and it's interesting because again being part of find your tribe and and and and and and this year in 2024, I want people to watch out for the tag - Women with wisdom.

00:12:14 Lisa

There are a lot of women who are, you know, they've they've had successful careers.

00:12:20 Lisa

You know, they're they.

00:12:21 Lisa

They may not be doing paid work. What they're doing, some some sort of work, and they've still got such a lot to give and a lot to give to women who are experiencing all the things that they experienced.

00:12:34

00:12:36 Lisa

You know and.

00:12:36 Lisa

Nothing is new.

00:12:38 Lisa

Now people think ohh.

00:12:39 Lisa

This is new.

00:12:41

00:12:42 Lisa

Unfortunately, I feel that too much. Too much importance is put on what it says on, you know. Well, if it's on TikTok or if it's on Instagram, or if it's on Facebook, sometimes you need to listen to the people who might.

00:12:56 Lisa

Be able to help.

00:12:57 Lisa

You, you know, you may, you know.

00:12:59 Lisa

I'll have it before where someone says, well, I couldn't speak.

00:13:02 Lisa

My mum about that.

00:13:03 Lisa

But I can speak to you about it, Lisa.

00:13:05 Lisa

And it's about finding that and and some younger women.

00:13:11 Lisa

Don't even have them on. They haven't had the good grace for their mum to survive beyond a certain time. So that's why it's so important to have a try. If you've got these issues where you think, oh, God, this tribe are really not, you know, move yourself towards a tribe that you do start to resonate with because you know, the moment you're with people who resonate.

00:13:31 Lisa

It's not so.

00:13:32 Lisa

Hard to let go of the ones who don't

00:13:33 Alison

And I think that's a really good point, isn't it? Is once you've found.

00:13:38 Alison

The the new place, it becomes less important, or maybe it's more obvious then that those people were just. They're actually causing me distress, discomfort, etcetera. I think the other thing that I've noticed over the my also colourful journey of life is that when we are with the people who we're meant to be with.

00:14:00 Alison

That's when we are more likely to actually grow, stretch, be more vulnerable, be more uncomfortable because they're allowing you. They're holding that space. You know, when I was back in my day where I used to think that being my tribe with the people who.

00:14:17 Alison

You know, going to, I suppose, made me feel better. Actually. No, that's they they weren't doing that at all. It was a completely false situation. It was definitely the ones who let me just be me for being me sake and accepting me for that. And I think there you try. But when you find them and they didn't have too many, that's something else.

00:14:37 Alison

Remember, my mum used to say to me, you know, when I was younger I used to have tonnes of friends, I thought everybody was my friend and she used to say to me, you know, you don't need loads of friends Alison and like I do mum, you know, I do. These are all really important to me. And I was.

00:14:52 Alison

Doing all these things with all these people and actually one of the things that she was right about was exactly this finding. Just a few people who get you or allow you to be you is so, so important, isn't it?

00:15:06 Lisa

It is and those you know, those people who always every time.

00:15:08 Lisa

You come up with an idea and knock you down. Those aren't your.

00:15:11 Lisa

Friends, I mean there.

00:15:12 Lisa

There's there's a, you know, a.

00:15:13 Lisa

Well known saying that you need people.

00:15:16 Lisa

For a reason, a season or for life.

00:15:18 Alison

If you need, if you've got if.

00:15:20 Lisa

You've got a half a dozen lifers in your.

00:15:22 Lisa

Network. You are a very blessed person.

00:15:26 Lisa

Yeah, those are the people.

00:15:28 Lisa

Who? You know, they would lie down and.

00:15:31 Lisa

Die for you. Yeah, you know.

00:15:34 Lisa

That that. Yeah.

00:15:35 Lisa

Do that, but there will people who will come in. They'll come into your life for.

00:15:38 Lisa

A reason they may.

00:15:39 Lisa

Come in for a short period of time, but because we're all passing through this life however long we're given on this planet, we're all passing through. And actually you have to experience some of those.

00:15:54 Lisa

Not so positive relationships in order to appreciate the great ones when they come along.

00:16:01 Alison

Yeah. And I think you raised a good point there. It is sometimes the stuff that doesn't work out actually shows us the the most important lessons, whether that's in a relationship of friendship or a tribe. And I think for me, when I'm thinking about a tribe, you know?

00:16:15 Alison

All the different kinds of things that are tribe can give you cause we have different tribes or different friends for different people. Sometimes it's it's those people that you can just go and have good laugh with and there isn't anything or there's another group or other person that you can get really deep with and you can have a really big conversation. And for me it's that sort of.

00:16:36 Alison

Mixture, isn't it? Of what it is that they're giving you?

00:16:40 Lisa

And that's what happens in eight. Any tribe, you know, you'll have, you know, if you think about tribes then way, way back, you know, a tribe would have a hierarchy. They'd have the medicine man or the, you know, the herbal person. They would have the the wise person, the person that would always go for.

00:17:01 Lisa

Advice and comfort.

00:17:02 Lisa

And and you have that in families and.

00:17:04 Lisa

You have that in your social network.

00:17:06 Lisa

But again, you will know those people who you absolutely trust, who you know the proverbial has hit the fan and need to go and speak to someone, and it might not be the same person and a good person in a tribe would say, do you know Allison? You've got a real, you know.

00:17:26 Lisa

You've got something really going on there that I'd love to.

00:17:29 Lisa

Be able to.

00:17:30 Lisa

Help you with, but I actually think so and.

00:17:32 Lisa

So I might.

00:17:32 Lisa

Be able to help you, but more.

00:17:34 Lisa

So than me because.

00:17:35 Lisa

We can't fix everybody's problems. That's the other thing. You have to appreciate. You gonna try? You can't fix it for everybody.

00:17:42 Alison

Yeah. And I think that's the thing about life, isn't it? With is, it's having the people there to help support you so that you can find your own answers, whatever. Whatever it is that you're looking for. But I think with a tribe that you say, it's that collection, isn't it? That makes it interesting. That collection of people rather than, I mean, obviously some people do just have one best friend.

00:18:03 Alison

But I think the tribe for me feels like it's a common ground. Create that and that's where, you know, we have got the luxury if that's the right word of things like groups on Facebook where a collection of people who would never normally have come together.

00:18:18 Alison

Come together.

00:18:20 Lisa

They do they.

00:18:20 Lisa

Do and I think that is so.

00:18:22 Lisa

Important you know that you.

00:18:23 Lisa

Can look on Facebook. I would, you know, despite all the challenges that I've experienced in my life, you.

00:18:30 Lisa

Know and I've had a few because I.

00:18:31 Lisa

Think I've said, you know when we.

00:18:33 Lisa

Spoke. Allison, you know, when I went through.

00:18:35 Lisa

The menopause or started the menopause. I developed breast cancer.

00:18:40 Lisa

Now I was.

00:18:41 Lisa

Fortunate because it was diagnosed early and also because of the treatment, I never really experienced the menopause, you know.

00:18:51 Lisa

But you know.

00:18:53 Lisa

And and I know some women have.

00:18:55 Lisa

Really, really difficult time.

00:18:57 Lisa

But you know that was a severe change in my life that occurred. That happened to me after my mother passed away and.

00:19:06 Lisa

But because I've got some good, you know, I've got.

00:19:08 Lisa

Sisters, older sisters, and.

00:19:10 Lisa

I've got some really great friends. My older sister took the role of my mum, you know, every time I had chemo she used to come and stay with me and that's what is so important. It's knowing and identifying how you can absolutely help someone.

00:19:25 Lisa

But if you can't help them, who else can help them?

00:19:28 Lisa

If you can't, and you've.

00:19:29 Lisa

Gotta be that navigator of, you know, you gotta be that navigator of Wiseness and information within that tribe.

00:19:36 Alison

I love.

00:19:37

That what we look to.

00:19:38 Alison

Do. Yeah, I think that's really important, isn't it? I think the thing that is sort of standing out for me with our conversation today, Lisa, is just to encourage those that are listening today to kind.

00:19:48 Alison

Of maybe just.

00:19:49 Alison

Do a little mini assess on who you're hanging out with. You know, is it serving you? Are they making you?

00:19:55 Alison

Feel good, are they?

00:19:56 Alison

Pulling you back, or are they encouraging you? Are they your cheerleaders?

00:20:01 Alison

What is it that's missing and what kind of things are you looking for to to help you? I.

00:20:07 Alison

Mean if a.

00:20:07 Alison

Tribe might be connected to a hobby or an activity, mightn't it? It would be absolutely any anything that's that is missing for you. And I think one of the things I notice about the way that people are is they'll often.

00:20:21 Alison

He sort of unconsciously or consciously.

00:20:24 Alison

Moaning about something not feeling right.

00:20:27 Alison

But they're not doing anything.

00:20:28 Lisa

Thank you. Yeah, not doing anything about it.

00:20:30 Lisa

I mean the only.

00:20:31 Lisa

The only person who can ever put anything right for you is yourself, so you can moan till till the the the cows come home. But the only person who can take action is you and ultimately in any relationship that you have mentioned this.

00:20:47 Lisa

Earlier, anything that you do?

00:20:50 Lisa

You know, keep playing it out and keep rerunning it in your head without having some form of solution. You may not have the solution yourself at that moment in time, but that's why I encourage people. If you're part of a supported tribe, someone will help you get to that solution, whether it be a coach, whether it.

00:21:09 Lisa

Be a mentor.

00:21:11 Lisa

Someone will help you get to.

00:21:12 Lisa

That solution, but you can.

00:21:14 Lisa

Only come to that solution yourself, because you've gotta buy into it 100%.

00:21:18 Lisa

So. So you're absolutely right, Allison. You know you can, we can all sit back and moan forever, but moaning or being, you know, being depressed. I mean, I know depression is a really serious condition. So I'm not under. I'm I'm not underestimating that in any.

00:21:34 Lisa

Way but you know.

00:21:37 Lisa

Not getting up and.

00:21:39 Lisa

Doing what needs to be done. Yeah. So doing our own gift to do.

00:21:43 Alison

I think so. I think that's the thing, isn't it? You can feel quite lonely and isolated or you can kind of think.

00:21:50 Alison

What am I going to do? And and I think getting the right kind of people around you.

00:21:55 Alison

Not only is a big step potentially.

00:21:58 Lisa

But it then.

00:21:58 Alison

So much more is going to come out from yourself by just engaging with others and something that you said earlier. And and I'm always saying on this podcast and I learn a lot of my work is all these things help us realise that we're not on our own.

00:22:12 Lisa

Exactly, exactly. And I and I think that's so important. I mean I I it I I'm sure you have it near you, but there's a an.

00:22:20 Lisa

App called next.

00:22:21 Lisa

Door and it's it's an A national.

00:22:23 Lisa

Thing and a guy put on this comment and well, I assumed it was a woman actually. So that's, you know, that's.

00:22:30 Lisa

You know that cause it said something like I'm happily married. I've got a wonderful home, you know, financially everything is marvellous. I've got two grandchildren, two kids, blah, blah, blah. And I'm so lonely.

00:22:43 Lisa

And and then.

00:22:44 Lisa

When I realised it was a guy, but in that next draw app loads.

00:22:50 Lisa

And loads of people.

00:22:52 Lisa

Offered some suggestions and thoughts and ideas on what that person could do.

00:22:56 Lisa

And and he was.

00:22:57 Lisa

Clearly very, very, very, very grateful that he, you know and and so obviously in that small community there were some daft comments made on there, but I think they're quite hearty comments by the same token, I think that really helped that.

00:23:12 Lisa

Because and he felt he.

00:23:13 Lisa

Could cause it's actually guys.

00:23:16 Lisa

Well, I'm being I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm being in my experience, guys find it harder to reach out, you know, I mean, I talked about my husband committing suicide. He I knew he was.

00:23:30 Lisa

But after he died, none of his friends.

00:23:32 Lisa

Said we never.

00:23:33 Lisa

Knew the extent of Jack's depression. He never spoke about it to us and and and and I think the point about having a try that you can trust.

00:23:42 Lisa

It's somewhere that you can go to go to talk and yeah or no talking. Therapy is very good for us.

00:23:50 Alison

Or just having that space to just know that somebody else has. It might do the talking about themselves and you then can just listen in.

00:23:57 Alison

Thing OK, this is the similar for me. And then you know builds on that because you know we all know.

00:24:03 Alison

That, especially men.

00:24:06 Alison

Sometimes don't like to talk about these things, but I think just hearing somebody else talking about them, your tribe would.

00:24:11 Alison

Offer you that.

00:24:12 Lisa

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

00:24:15 Alison

So important. So as we start January 2024, we can really start to think about who's in your tribe. Have you even got a tribe?

00:24:24 Alison

If you have, are they the right people in there? What kind of things? And I think one of the things that I hope we can highlight from this is to say it's OK if you haven't got the right people around you. What are you going to do to kind of alleviate that?

00:24:40 Lisa

Yeah. And and honestly, you know, if if people wanna look into find your tribe Dot club a bit more, you can have a look on on Facebook as the year as the year progresses and we'll be building a web page on that's all being sorted as we speak. But look, you know, just find the people who bring your joy.

00:25:00 Lisa

You only have to be one person.

00:25:02 Lisa

Doesn't have to be a dozen people. It can be one.

00:25:04 Lisa

Person who brings you.

00:25:05 Lisa

Joy. Yeah. And find that one person.

00:25:09 Alison

And I think something that I want to highlight there again and kind of keeping in mind people who might feel a little bit isolated, Christmas can be quite difficult for people who don't feel like they've got a a big family or a big tribe if you like, is too.

00:25:24 Alison

To reach out, I hear people often say, you know, you know, I didn't want to reach out to them because I think they're really busy and they possibly haven't got time for me and things. And that's where a group, A tribe, there's always gonna be somebody available.

00:25:38 Alison

As in the in that group that.

00:25:39 Alison

Tribe, I think just keeping that in mind of of it's OK to.

00:25:44 Alison

Reach out and and ask for help because so many people do find that quite difficult to do.

00:25:50 Lisa

People make assumptions. You.

00:25:51 Lisa

Know they say. Ohh. You know when this happened to me in the past, you know, people have said, oh, well, I didn't want to ask.

00:25:57 Lisa

You for any.

00:25:57 Lisa

Help this cause I know you're dead busy. Well.

00:26:00 Lisa

Give me the choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing. Ask. And if I can help, I will. If I can't.

00:26:08 Lisa

I'll be.

00:26:10 Lisa

As honest to.

00:26:10 Lisa

Say I can't help at this time, but what about?

00:26:14 Lisa

*** you know, so don't make assumptions because we all make assumptions in our head. We all talk ourselves out.

00:26:21 Lisa

Of doing stuff.

00:26:23 Alison

We really do, don't we? And I think when it's something that matters to you and we know that social connection and being able to kind of share with people is is just it's the gloom really to so much of the way humans feel good and how the mind can feel good. So when we're denying ourselves that, it's just so important.

00:26:41 Lisa

It is it it it is. It is really important to reach out and.

00:26:45 Lisa

Do you know there's so many great?

00:26:48 Lisa

You know great events out there that people can attend online in person. You know, people can go on to meet up, which is another great way to meet new people out. So it's just about putting your toe in the water and and really, really trying to experience something different.

00:27:09 Lisa

But you never know, something different could be just the thing you've been looking for.

00:27:14 Alison

We'll love that and I think ohh it could be something new and something fresh or it could be something that.

00:27:19 Alison

You used to do.

00:27:21 Alison

And you used to be involved with that. You've loved and actually you've you've got back to that. It's got me thinking. I used to do salsa dancing and have not done it for a long time. And I'm just wondering now 2024 should.

00:27:33 Alison

I go back.

00:27:34 Lisa

Yeah. Come on, Alice. And get those dance shoes out.

00:27:38 Alison

Get back to my little dancing tribe. Yeah. So yeah. Brilliant. Ohh. Thank you, Lisa, for coming and sharing this space with me today.

00:27:46 Lisa

Now, honestly, Allison, I've really, really looked at it and loved our talk and I and it's a thing that I, you know, it's something I hold dear to my heart. And I I just, none of us are meant to be alone. And I think we all want to be part of some.

00:28:01 Lisa

Form of community.

00:28:02 Lisa

Just as I I was on a call earlier.

00:28:06 Lisa

In the week and.

00:28:09 Lisa

And guys, he's an IT guy. He's got an IT company and he said he thought that all of his team would not want to come back into the office because they're all IT geeks as he described them, not my description. That was his description. And he said he was really, really surprised after COVID how they all wanted to come back into the office and.

00:28:28 Lisa

Didn't want to work.

00:28:29 Lisa

Home and that's what I found with my HR hat on. Although a lot of people liked working from home, they actually missed the camaraderie. Yeah, being in the workplace.

00:28:41 Alison

I think that's something that a lot of businesses are still navigating. You know that sort of mixture and how you help people.

00:28:50 Alison

Who are different? Because every person in your teams gonna be different. Some like you say love working from home and are really happy. And then others are absolutely at the other end of the scale. But I think it's the.

00:29:00 Alison

The mixture that businesses are working on because your work, your work colleagues are a tribe of some form.

00:29:07 Lisa

They are good or bad.

00:29:10 Lisa

Fine, they are. They are.

00:29:12 Alison

Brilliant. Thank you so much. Lisa really enjoyed our conversation.

00:29:16 Lisa

Thanks, Allison.

00:29:18 Alison

So in next week's episode, we are going to share the space with Lucy Gossard who is a 14 time triathlete. She is an incredible woman. I did the.

00:29:32 Alison

The Yorkshire three peaks with her in September last year and I can't wait to share with you our conversation.

00:29:42 Alison

Thank you for listening and sharing in this episode of Mental Wealth. Remember, you can subscribe wherever you get your podcast. My last Christian to you is what is the one small thing that you can take action on from this episode? Message me.

00:29:59 Alison

On Instagram or through our website.

00:30:01 Alison

With questions you'd like me.

00:30:03 Alison

To explore, you'll find the links in the show notes.

00:30:06 Alison

I'll be back with more tools and tips to make sense of your mind in the next step of the. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Bye for now.