Hello, and

welcome to the Borealis experience today an interview

for you with Nick, gamma, and myself. And the topic is what

women want what guys want, from our perspective from our

experiences? Yeah, I think it's very important to, to talk about

it. And Nick kept posting things in that direction on Facebook.

So we decided to make an episode about it and steer up some shed.

or clear up some confusion because actually, there's lots

of mixed messages out there. And it is just me and my perspective

as a female. Of course, we're not generalizing, or Yes, we

are. Because it's fun. And, but we are aware that not every

female things like I do, and not every man, things like Nick

does. But yeah, we thought it was a fun topic to talk about.

And, yeah, let's, let's dive into this neck. You've been

married? We know that from episode number one with you, and

you maybe dated before you were married? Or maybe dating now. Is

there like, Do you notice any changes in dating, when it came

to your, let's say 20s or teens to now? What What would you say

is the biggest difference?

No, that's, that's very interesting. And thanks for

having me on the show. Again, this is great. And I would I

didn't date too much before I got married to be honest. So and

what I had had for relationships before that, were very, yeah,

one was very toxic. One was very toxic. And, and that would have

been the longest, the longest term one and be almost two

years, I think we were together. And, but that was very toxic.

But the differences I would say now in dating, again, is it's

just easy to throw away. Relationships now. And I say

that in, in the meaning of with the swipe mentality, it's just

easy to go on to the next. And in order to build a connection,

we need time, and we need to be able to see each other. But when

it's so easy that the next best thing comes across in your

profile, that, that it's just so easy just to go on to the next

one. And when something's not going our way, especially, you

know, it was like it was definitely hard to begin with.

And now with the COVID bullshit, where we're forced to be distant

A lot of times, and so takes a lot of work. So much work. And

with the swipe mentality, man, it's especially, you know, if

your partner or someone you want to pursue is, you know, hundreds

of kilometers away, well, it's not gonna work out very well,

when you can swipe the next person that's 20 kilometers

away. And you think that that's the next best thing. So I feel

that's one of the harder things that's happening right now is

just the swipe mentality is the left, right. It's not, it's not

helping the situation at all.

Yeah, and I feel even people who wouldn't have used Tinder or

other apps before COVID. Now God may be curious or so frustrated

that they got into that, like game or mentality too. And yeah,

it is more and more people who, like the quick and fast and

easy. And then but not so much depth. Is there and yeah, it's

harming us both, like both sides, right?

Absolutely. They instant gratification will say right,

like where someone, you know, a little bit better looking that

we think right comes across and we're like, yeah, this is great,

where you actually had a connection with the other person

and you totally discarded it for a physical attraction that you

think in your mind is going to be able to be be your future

partner, right? You haven't even sparked the conversation with

him or her And, yeah, it's just amazing, but so hard.

Yeah. So now if we look into what what people want, what

would you think is the number one thing that women are

communicating they want? And is there sometimes that situation

where you feel confused where you feel like, well, she

communicated this to me very clearly. And now all of a

sudden, she wants something else. Like, do you know what I

mean? Oh,

I've had quite a few, quite a few that wanted, or that was

open to being very honest. And my, my whole thing, and what I

teach people, and especially men is to, say your feelings and,

and be, but it can cause a lot of problems when, when people

say they want that. That's, like when women say they want that,

but then they don't know how to process it. They've never, you

know, they haven't had a lot of men open up to them. And then

they get frightened. When you're starting to tell them why, why

something that that they did, you know, rather than just the

typical anger, or the typical, you know, snarky comments, you

know, that they would get from, from other men now, it's like,

hey, that made me feel that that made me it's hard to process

when you're not used to it. And so that was that I would say,

that was a big thing. And dating now, when women say that they

want a relationship, and it goes back to the swipe right, swipe

left, you get into it, and they just wanted a good time. And

it's just so easy, you know, so easy to move on. And no, that's

so that's that's happened more than once more than once. So,

it's very tough, but I've been guilty of it as well. Because

that's just the mentality of it. And I'm not. I'm not holding any

blame. But it is very hard when you when you get into something

and you feel like yes, this could be a relationship. But

then a week later, oh, I'm just not ready to be committed. I'm

not ready to be in a committed relationship.

Mm hmm.

What? What this whole poly amorous? Yeah, that's what it's

called. Right? The polyamorous thing like, you find out like

two weeks into spending time with somebody that that's their

thing of where did that come from? Like, is this a thing?

Right? Yeah.

Yeah. I think I have to withhold my opinion when it comes to poly

polyamory, cuz I would upset too many people. But I like what I

see or understand when you say this is that I like I don't know

you well, but I saw you. Or I know your story a little bit

that you rose, and are now a very clear, open hearted and

minded person who communicates. And that's so freakin scary.

When you meet someone who from the outside looks like she has

it all together. But all of a sudden, like, you know, like, Oh

my God, he's gonna cut through my bullshit. And I don't know if

I'm ready for that. Of course, she's gonna pick the next best

guy who she knows he's gonna fuck her brains out. Sorry to

say that and not touch her in any way. So that's the only

thing I want to add to what you just said it has nothing to do

with you. Or Yes, it has something to do with you

challenge people too much. And

no, absolutely.

And I feel I feel the women, the woman that is going to be able

to, to communicate back and to be open with you is not going to

be on Tinder because on Tinder. It's sorry to judge but it's

mainly people who want to stay in their like little shell and

not open up but still connect and still have the physicality

and wow. And then I think like for you guys, it's so unfair,

because now you think or feel like I'm open and communicative.

And that's what a women what women want. And now women freak

out and are like, Oh no, we're not ready. For this, so what?

Yes, yeah, yeah. And so it's very,

yeah, no, sorry.

Oh, it's just very Yeah, that part of it is very hard. And so

I'm very upfront personally with, you know, even starting a

call when I start to converse with somebody, like, this is the

way I am and. And it may be a problem. I'll just put it right

out, right? Like this might be a problem for this reason. But I'd

like to pursue and see, right, especially if I find so many

people that are so many women that call themselves will say,

for lack of better word woke, or aware. But then once you spend

one on one time with them, it's a complete train wreck. Yeah,

you know, not all of them. But it can be like, there's so many

demons that people have nowadays. And that's cool,

because they're actually aware of it. But they, it's not

dealing with it in a positive way. A lot of ways and going

back to calling out and in the bullshit. It's very hard, right?

So when you're dating, how do you like, I don't want to coach

anybody that's, and I'm not perfect by any means. I still

fall into these patterns, habits, behaviors, but I catch

myself, and I try to try to get out of it. But a lot of a lot of

women, you know, call themself woke or, or awakened, will say,

and, but they're, they're dealing with a lot of trauma, a

lot of trauma, but just not in a positive mindset, where it's

still a lot of a lot of past trauma is coming out. And, you

know, and it just doesn't work for a relationship. So it's

definitely a work in progress.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah. But it's very hard. You know, when people say that

they're, they're ready. You know, they don't disclose that

they're not ready to date. And, but then you get 234 weeks in,

and then all of a sudden, you get that drop bomb dropped,

gone? Oh, yeah. I'm just not ready to commit or I'm like, Oh,

my God. Okay. Well, we thought we had this conversation

earlier, but maybe we didn't.

Yeah. Well, and what would you say is the number one thing that

girls or women, like need to know about what men want? Is

this something like, did you notice, like a red line? Where

you thought, No, no, we actually want this but you girls think we

don't want it? Or you guys think we want this? But we don't

really want this? Is there something that you notice?

Yeah, so there's a couple different ways to take that

question. And after coaching men now for over a year, you see a

lot of a lot of patterns, habits and behaviors that come out of

these and a lot of discussions from those patterns, habits and

behaviors. And a lot of it, I'm just gonna go back to the men

again, like, and taking accountability is they don't

know what the fuck they want. They don't. They don't even know

they've never asked them the question like, what do I

actually want? And a lot of times when you start doing that,

you know, because we got guys that are going through divorces

we got or potential divorces, we got guys that are going through

midlife. Hey, do I actually want to be married to my wife deals,

but they've never asked themselves these questions

before. And now they get to. So then they can start asking

better questions to their spouses. So this, if you ask me

six months ago, I would have a different answer. But what I

see, you know, from my development and the other men in

the program's development, is they want a woman that, you

know, they want a woman that a takes care of them. B is

empowered for the family.

And

they want her to take care of him. So what does that look like

in an empowered, you know, women's society, and you speak

about a lot about that, where we were brought up in the

homemaker, homemaker system, have the mom stay, or the wife

stays at home and takes care of the kids. But I find like,

that's what a lot of the men still want. Because that's what

they know, they like especially, you know, anyone that's 40 and

above? For sure. That's what you know. That's what you that's

what a lot of us know. And, and I think inside like, that's what

we're longing for. And that's all you want. But how do you get

that when a woman is works 80 hours a week, when you still

have two kids that are being raised by whoever. And you're

gone working for weeks, months at a time? How do you get that?

Like? So that is the definite struggle. And now when you're so

that's if you're in a marriage, but now if you're dating? How do

you communicate that? Yeah, to these. So for empowered women

that are, that have a career that have their own their own

ideas on what success looks like, when we're still part of

the old system. Because that's what we know. And as hard as

hard as you can try to, to dissect that and change that.

It's still there,

I feel Oh, totally, like that whole discussion about empowered

women, I feel. The empowered woman that we see now is the

woman that is still wounded. And that feels like she needs to be

masked men, she has to be in a masculine role in order to

survive and society. And those women are not, I'm very careful

how I formulate that. But they're not capable to play the

feminine role in our relationship. Yet they want the

man who protects them. And who cares for them. In deep inside,

they need that. But they don't want to show that because that

would be weak. In my eyes, the true empowered woman is a hard

working girl. She is there for her community, for her family,

for her girlfriends, but she has that nurturing, that openness,

that receiving energy, and not the, oh, I got tits in a vagina.

But I can live like a man, I can work like a man because that

woman might look very sexy. But internally, she is so at war

with femininity, that when a guy comes in, and wants that role

from her, she's gonna run away, she's gonna make you feel so

weak and silly, because you challenge her again. And I find

it so hard. Like, I had an interview with a girl. And I

never posted it because she got so aggressive with me. Because

she didn't understand that she she I was scared of her. Like,

she said, okay, you're empowering men. So what about

all these women who are still not getting an equal job and

equal payment and stuff? And I said, Yeah, well, that's a

different problem, though. And you're not going to solve it in,

in becoming a man as a woman, and I see your guys struggle. So

well. But I still have troubles to get through to women. Because

they see me as the weak little feminine girl who is too lazy to

get out into the corporate world or something, you know, they I

irritate them so much. That's why I'm doing my work on the guy

side now and want to tell you guys, hey, you're doing the

right thing. And it is up to us women now to grow as well.

Because we're falling behind. We lost our femininity, and it's

sad for all people included. So we

know and what do you see happen in those relationships when the

women rise? And a lot of times and if you are if you are

married, that where that happens, where the women starts

rising starts being more powerful in the ways you just

described. Now, the ad crumbles because he is not strong enough

to be able to deal with what the hell is going on. And not having

the tools to be able to discuss like, what is that war that's

happening? Like and it is, it's a mess. war between the spouse

the two spouses. Like, oh my god, like, Kay, you feel,

especially nowadays when you know, especially if you have a

man that is meant, or that's worked away all his life and

worked out in the trenches and did all of that cool stuff, and

now there is no work. And so he's at home. And now the woman

is now working mate, bringing in the money, great. But that man

feels totally beaten down. That man feels totally useless. And

without being able to communicate that in a positive

way, that breakdown of that marriage is going to happen so

fast. And it might not it might take years, but it's the

breakdown. It will happen fast. And it's so hard to do.

Mm hmm. No, I see it. I can. I noticed that. And wow, like to

have a discussion with a wounded woman is like, I don't know what

it is. They're so quick with their words, they're so quick

with their assumptions. And as a man, you can be put in a corner,

like being a matul. Or being an all you want me to cook and, you

know, massage your feet at night, but that's not who I am.

They don't get the Yeah, it's hard to communicate to them. I

totally understand you're suffering. And I'm still

struggling with that. What is the solution to that? I think

keep talking about it. Deep, keep disclosing it and point out

situations like that. Because I can see how a man would totally

feel like powerless, and D emasculated or castrated. And

what is there left to do? Like, it's kind of a dead end. street

or road? And

yeah, yeah. No. And going back to the dating what you have now?

See, I've seen there's lots where you have women that are

divorced and have kids like there isn't too many women that

are above 3035 that have no kids, but are single? Yeah,

right. But they have kids, they're single, and they are in

a place. So for their children, so for a man to step into that

know you're carrying the woman is carrying such a high

masculine energy to try to, to bring that to the kids, that

you're fighting that, that, that dichotomy between what she wants

to be what she feels she wants to be, but now she doesn't even

realize that she is carrying that masculine energy, and now

you're trying to break through that wall, to get to the

femininity behind it. And it's there, it's it's so there, but

we we have to put these masks on to be strong for our kids, you

know, I'm talking for the women. And you are it it's just as a

man coming into that is very hard. So, you know, as as loving

and caring as you think you are. You have this wall that's been

put up, and it's very hard to break down. And it's very hard

to connect to somebody that's playing both roles. So I found

that as a as another huge step in the dating game of single

moms, for sure.

Yeah, I could see that. And, like, in women's defense, it's

so tough to switch roles. And it's so tough in our society,

because femininity is not really praised. Like just as much as

men. You really have to fight and to No, no, the way I feel is

valuable. And I'm going to express myself. And it's good

for us women. Yeah, we were trained now to to feel less and

to work harder and to Yeah, become kind of that unisex human

that takes out polarity. You know, sex is suffering. I don't

want to talk about sex during COVID. But I feel it was before

COVID already, that when you don't have that polarity, when

you have two masculine energies. It's very tough to create

sensuality. And now as a woman, it's so tough to Yeah, let down

your guard sex. And to allow the man to be the man and to Yeah,

it's okay that he holds the door or that he helps you into the

jacket, no this little subtle things where you know, a woman

doesn't feel threatened. A woman wants you to protect her and

wants to feel safe. And yes, you can lift her weights in the gym,

but she still wants the man to be the man. Right. And we have

to bring that back into society. And I just don't know how it's a

it's a huge money battle.

Yeah, yeah, I agree. I agree. edits. Yeah, it's definitely

hard. But I think just talking about it more, maybe somebody,

somewhere can pick up. Pick up the idea that they can do both

like, yeah. But you have to know how to shut it off, like you

said, like, especially the woman or is carrying both both

energies as well. Like, how do you shut it off? And how do you

become aware? While I personally think it's like, meditation has

helped me so much and be able to disconnect facts from the

feelings that are around me. And that's just one way but like,

being aware on a constant basis of how you are showing up? Yeah,

is huge, is huge. Like, what, what are the words coming out of

your out of your mouth? Are they self defeating? Are they are

they demeaning? If somebody said that to you, do you? Would you

take that as demeaning, right, like, maybe don't come at

somebody that way, like your spouse, you know, or partner?

And, and just be aware of what's happening around you. Like, it's

so easy. And yeah, after 17 years of marriage came crashing

down, right? Like, man, there's so much that I'd like to do

differently. But that's I'm very excited about the next 40 some

years, right? Because you get to take all of these lessons and be

able to apply it.

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's gonna be a very exciting journey. And I

know you're gonna pick wisely. And, yeah, another thing I

wanted to talk about is, so in my family, I observed the guys

who are very aggressive and suppressed women. In return,

women were passive aggressive, and castrating them on

energetical levels, so to say, so when you make a man feel that

he has no use, he is not of any use to the family. It's what

I've learned the worst you can do to men in return. Now, when I

dated, and I was conscious about how I treated my boyfriend, if I

made him feel I need him, I want him. And those those, like that

kind of energy. It was like, holy, I'm going to do everything

for you. Because that's, that's how I want to feel that's the

person I want to be in a woman's life, right? Is there anything

about women that you noticed where they say or act as if they

are totally independent, but you can see that they want to feel

safe, they want to be feel protected? Have you been in

situations like that? Where the words were absolutely not

matching? What you like the body language, for instance?

Oh, yeah, huge, huge. And it usually shows up. I get lots of

messages where women are abused, or they want to leave a

relationship. So there's that as well. But that's what sparked me

of you were describing that before of being beat down. And

it's very, it's just so hard to see, like, but Oh, where was I

going with that? Yeah, that happened that. It just so I just

wanted to touch on that. Be because before you know, to fit

it in this show, because it really hurts me when women are

in those relationships. But then I see that Two months later,

they're still with that same person. where they've reached

out to me and asked me, Well, what do you think? Why do you?

Why does he do this? And why did why is this right? We all know.

But it's hard to process that we can't change the other person

for sure. And that does tie into what you were talking about,

where they say something that they want, but they totally

different. Like, the results are totally different. So they say

they don't want this abusive relationship, but then they

stay. And that's a whole there's a whole other can of worms. But

is it really though, because they say they want something

different? But then it's always the same thing? Well, he's going

to change he's going to do this. Well, what do you actually like

about him in the first place? They What was it that actually

right, like, Yeah, he bought you some flowers and made you smile?

And then you're now you're together for six months, and now

he beat the crap out of you? Well, if you actually looked at,

at the relationship, well, there is obviously signs that

something wasn't right. And there is something going on, and

now I'm not bulking everything into. And I'm not justifying it

by any means, where I want to talk. But I will, I would like

to address is, why is that? So why actually reach out to

someone and say you want something different? Then you

it's the Yeah, I don't see now see, or hear nothing for, you

know, two weeks or a month, and all of a sudden, it's a loving

post of, of this couple together.

Mm hmm.

It just, it hurts me so bad to see.

What I've observed. and learned is that when we pick up

partners, of course, you have the physical, the spiritual

finances, what not, you know. But then there's a whole deeper

level of like, the way you were raised your relation with your

opposite sex caregiver. So in your case, your mom and her

case, her dad, and if she is I don't know that person, but if

she is with a person who, deep deep down makes her feel like

she felt when she was five, and she had a good relationship with

her daddy, then this is so much stronger than if you beautiful

person come along. And like, basically live or with me, you'd

be safe, I would never treat you bad. We have money, we have fun,

blah, blah, blah. This is good for a couple of weeks. But then

again, her deep in rooted longing for her daddy, it felt

weird, is is going to come up again. And she's going to look

at you and see that you're weak. You're not you don't have that

aggression. And this is actually what reminds her of, you know,

feeling as the little girl back then. And that's what I've

learned. I don't say this is a fact. But that's way stronger

than what you got to offer. And it's can't overrule it, until

that person decides to do it. And I suggest to you to keep

distance to people who are in and out hot and cold. Because

they are not, like clear with themselves and they're gonna

drag you in. And you have such a big heart. You're so empathetic,

that it's totally gonna mess you up.

Huh? Oh, I personally Yeah, that's happened a few times.

Yeah, exactly. Where I've, I get sucked into that. That same I

want to help people as well. But I'm attracted to it be and it

goes. You said the little girl but that's my little boy doing

the same thing. And I'm like, so causing. And that's why I love

this. That's why I love talking about this. I love I love the

coaching that I do is because I'm learning just the same as

everybody else. And it tries to act like you're on a pedestal

doesn't happen with this guy anymore. There is no so I screw

up more often than not. Yeah, I'm able to be aware that this

stuff is happening. So yeah, because when you get especially

when you get messages of women that you know Because there is

something attractive about a man that's that, that speaks out the

way I do. And in some ways, and I'm finding I didn't know, but

apparently so I do get lots of fair bit of messages of women,

but then you'll get this. In that same conversation you'll

get Oh, I'm in this shitty relationship and blah, blah,

blah. I tried to be helpful, but then not be flirty. So is very

tough. Very tough. Yeah, a lot of Yeah, are very attractive,

right. And that's not what I want. So at all I wanted I'm

wanting to speak to so I wanted to speak to the guys so that

they messaged me, which does happen, but not as much as as

women when they want to reach out. So. So yeah, it's very,

yeah, there's a very fine line, and I'm learning to find those

boundaries. Because, yeah, I get I can get sucked in just like

anybody else. Like, this is Oh, man, she would be so much cool

to date. And know, like, let's just keep this professional for

sure. Yeah, and I'm not. And I'm not Yeah. But it's so tough. And

I'm not afraid to say it either. Right. I am human. And I am

attracted to women. That's just what it is. So,

yeah. And, like the awesome, like, thing that we can start

doing now as as very caring people, is that we observe Okay,

which part of me is attracted to that person now? Is it my

caregiver, my rescue personality? Or is it my uterus?

Yeah, as it My, my, my masculine and my feminine parts that are

really drawn to each other? And once you hack that, once, you

know, no, I'm not the caregiver. I'm not the rescue of my future

partner, I want my partner to be healthy, and empowered to know

how to, you know, heals patients, then you can be more

selective, I had to learn that because I was just like you, I

was like, Oh, my God, that guy needs me like, he's in a toxic

relationship, like I have to you the Savior, the angel, and it's,

it's not going to be good.

No,

not at all. Not at all. And it's an even when you do start into a

relationship. If you are for the people that are listening, like

a lot of them are coming aware of their actions and everything

else. But they fall, they might fall into the same patterns and

habits that we did, where you're you're not meant to coach or

help your partner like you, you do it by your actions, the more

action that you do, your partner will see those and maybe start

to implement some of them into your life. So if whether it's

journaling, whether it's meditation. Yeah, so many

different tools that you start using. If you're around your

partner long enough, and you just go ahead and do it. Like

don't my my advice is not to push it on them at all. At all.

Yeah, just do it. Just do the work that you've been doing

that's got you to the place where you feel good about

yourself. Yeah. And then partner might take it up themselves and

be able to have and then you can start having that conversation.

But I you know, this happens lots where we teach it we teach

the guys to yet be very, like I alluded to before was be very

honest with their partners. Well, it has to be read.

Meditate or journal, you telling them? Or Yeah, I'll go ahead and

say telling them, you telling them they should do something.

They're just they're gonna push away from it, and then they're

gonna make fun of you for doing it. It's just the way that it is

if they're not in that place. Yeah. So and then if we start

that whole cycle where we started this conversation, full

circle, where our, you know, getting getting beat down by our

partners, and that's it. We're not even realizing that we're

doing

it's so unconscious. Nick, we're coming to an end. Yeah, I feel

like we could talk about this for seven more hours. Is there

anything like a message that you would like to send out to women

when it comes to dating and finding a partner or like Having

a healthy relationship with a man?

Yeah, for women, I would suggest I would suggest thing, what it's

like to be needed again. I just see what that like, just sit and

feel what that would be even if you are the most powerful woman

on earth. And you know, you're a fortune 500 company CEO. Just

feel what it's like to be needed by someone, like when you were a

little girl like you described Aurora, like, feel what that is?

And how can you implement that into your relationship? And how

can you communicate that to your partner, because I feel that

would be massive, massive, oh, you can go and produce you can

go in, you can go and be a badass bitch. But like, feel

what it is to be wanted and communicate that to your

partner. Yeah, and on the men side, on the men side, feel what

it's like to be a fuckin animal again, like go and lift some

heavy shit or go and, and, and chop down a fucking tree and run

around in the bush naked and just feel what it's like to be a

man again, like, just primal. Just feel what that is and

communicate that feeling to your partner. And how you can get

that and how you can maybe incorporate that primal pneus

into your relationship, like two huge things that we need to be

wanted. And to feel like, we're a badass motherfucker. Like, and

that's different for everybody that that feeling is different

for everybody. Right? So take that for what it's worth, and

kind of manipulate that into what you need into your life.

And what fulfills you. But in a nutshell, like, that's what I

feel that we're missing is just, yeah, just want to produce and

just be badass.

Yeah, man, that was a beautiful, beautiful ending. You totally

nailed it. And

yeah,

I hope that message will be received. I know it will be

received and we will take care of Yeah, distributing and

sharing because that's exactly what we all need to hear. Yeah,

no, beautiful. Let's leave it at that.

Thank you so much. Time.

Yeah, no, thanks again for having me on. It was great. I

always love these combos.

Awesome.

Well, thank you so much for listening to this interview on

the Borealis experience podcast, make sure to check out Nick

gamow and his pipe dream solution podcast. And if you

have any questions, any comments, please feel free to

reach out to us on Facebook. Have a good rest of your day.

And yeah, we will be out there very soon again. Thank you.

Goodbye.