Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very excited to

have Adrian Moy with me. He was on the show, a couple weeks ago,

we talked about suppressed masculinity, and what we

observe, like the mixed mixed mixed messages between men and

women, and then the masculine, feeling suppressed, the

feminine, feeling controlled and not able to express themselves

free. And yeah, it's just a big mess that we're observing there.

And we want to make sense of it, which we did in last episode,

and today, we want to offer resolution solution to the gap

that we see in like between the masculine and the feminine. So

I'm very excited to hear you out. Adrian, I know people out

there are very hot to to hear this episode. So let's dive into

it. And listen to what you have to say about the solutions that

we could. I don't know maybe offer to people the healing that

could happen in society. And yeah, the stage is yours.

Okay, hello, Aurora. How are you, dear?

Very, very good. Thank you. How are you?

Yeah, I'm great. And I'm happy to be back here again with you.

And just for our listeners, for them to know, I'm going to do

something really wild and fun today. Since this is not a

recorded zoom video that we're sharing, but a podcast and they

can't see me. Today is my birthday. So since we're talking

about things that are very raw and vulnerable, being my

birthday, I thought I'd show up for this episode naked and my

birthday suit. totally kidding. I totally kidding. That's not

happening. But it's gonna just be fun to say that.

Yeah, we just lost half of the listeners. But

I think we probably gained more listeners who will let it ride.

Just Hey. Yes, so thank you for the introduction. And yes, last

episode, I'm gonna put a link in this on my page when I post it

to the episode for people who didn't listen to that, and are

just now getting on to this so they can catch up to where we

are. Last episode, we talked about masculine, suppressed

masculinity, and where we see where that stems from, and the

effect that it has on society. And how it creates a rift and a

gap, a chasm between communication between men and

women healthy communication, where that leaves us and what it

creates in our society. And so like you said, this is healing

that we're talking about this is medicine, this is where we want

to move to. So like I told you, in our pre warm up, I got quite

a bit of feedback from the last episode. One was a lot of people

love that we're having this conversation. And they want to

hear more, and we're on the right path to was people who had

a very hard aversion to this because it triggered that and

they weren't able to see that this is a proper way to move

forward, at least not for them. They were challenged by it. And

then the third was people who did have many beautiful, male,

masculine, gentle, strong, powerful, confident role models

in their lives that weren't cut off from their emotions. And so

for them, I say Good for you. They're not necessarily the

target audience, but it's also not bad for people who are in

that world to understand there's a different world out there that

a lot of us see on a regular basis. So real quick synapses.

masking a suppressed masculine suppress masculinity. Really

quick, I want to touch base on that there is a difference

between being machismo and masculine energy. You know,

being a well rounded, handsome, or not handsome but put together

person, male or female, but we're talking about the men is

one thing, and they can see this man is what people call machismo

is the word that I hear very much. It's a very masculine

trait that people see in a man but that's not the mask. An

energy that we're talking about, we're talking about the

masculine energy code of a man who is confident within himself

to be a loving, kind, gentle, compassionate person. And the

lack of that that we see in our regular life leaves us

wondering, where is this? Now again, it's not like these

things aren't available. In our world. It's not like, there are

no men out there who are beautiful, loving, gentle, wise,

good listening, supportive men, there are. But predominantly,

the biggest thing that we've seen in our day and age is the

average man. And the way the average man lives, his life, and

how he goes out into the world, and depicts himself and shows up

for other people to his other fellow men, and even more so to

women, has been a very big hurdle. In our healthy

community. I see women constantly being harassed on

social media. I see women constantly telling me how

they're so tired of men, approaching them in a lewd,

aggressive, overly aggressive, sexual or lustful man. I see men

being combative with each other. There are very, there are many

Brotherhood's out there that are very beautiful. There are many

groups and clubs and organizations like when I think

about real beautiful men opening up. Unfortunately, the first

place I go to is at a alcohol or drug addiction, rehabilitation

gather. When you get some very good successful rehabilitation

circles with men, you can see men blossoming in that place. Or

another example is in the prison system. When the men have

nothing left in their lives, and they're there with the

Brotherhood, and they get to sit in a circle and talk about their

vulnerabilities, all the bleeding hearts that come out

there. Why aren't we like this in our everyday society?

This is what we're talking about. And episode one kind of

spelled out a lot of some of the history that you and I have

seen. And there's an entire myriad of things that we didn't

talk about, we could have gone in further detail about each one

of the different aspects and points we made in the last one.

But overall, generally speaking, there's a lot of suppressed male

energy in the world. Because on an average basis, men are raised

with gentle, loving, nurturing, vulnerable other men, they don't

have, they don't know. So as far as moving forward from this

place, for myself, and again, I'm speaking from me, and you

resonated with this. So that's why you and I are making this

podcast. Other people may not agree with this or have these

experiences. But speaking from myself, what I do for myself as

a man, is I show up to the world for both men and women. How I

would like to be approached on it's, it's, it's the thing that

I did for myself a while back, and my own self discovery. And

in my own desire for personal growth, and self exploration.

One of the things I realized is, when you put too much emphasis

on looking for validation from something else, you're, you're

doing exactly that you're putting an expectation on

another person, whether it be father, a mother, boyfriend,

girlfriend, lover, son, child, mother, neighbor, stranger, you

put any expectation on someone else, you're setting yourself up

to rely on them for that validation for that expectation.

I stopped doing that, because I realized, I'm setting myself up

for disappointment, because now I'm looking for something out of

someone else that I want for my own sense of security. And I

don't need to do that. I don't need to rely on another person.

That doesn't mean I don't love the support and the affection

and the care that I'm given from people that are in my life that

care about me, but I don't want to depend on I don't want that

to be my source. That way. I'm positioned in a sense where if

someone doesn't show up for me in a manner that I would have

appreciated or would have liked or had expected, there's no

disappointment on my part, I'm not let down and I don't have to

hold the other person accountable for not receiving

something that I was looking for. So on that journey, when I

realized a very huge a very big shift, alright, what's the word

I'm trying to look for, there was a very huge swing on the

pendulum of masculine energy in my life. And so I would look to

the Brotherhood for just true bond and connection. And I

wouldn't get it. and I were talking about all the little

everyday things we're talking about just a smile, and I gaze

from a stranger, or having a good conversation with my

neighbor, or even my own family members, or some of the friends

that I have this, these men are very shy to open up. And I'm an

extremely exuberant male. I'm very happy, and very elated a

lot. I'm very vocal about my feelings. I'm an open book. And

I'll express myself very easily to people and open up very

quickly. And I found out that many men would shy away from

that. And we touched base on this really quickly in the first

episode.

Men have homophobia, that's a very big thing. And our society

deems it fine for women to be affectionate and close and even

intimate with each other on a very deep, emotional level, but

men not so much. Now, again, I just want to say we're not

talking about everybody across the world. But what I've seen is

the common average is, when you open up your heart space, you

open up your emotions, and you get close to some, through a

conversation, or an exchange of an emotional experience. Men

shrink away, they feel this, they sense this attraction,

because you get really connected with each other. And then the

very first thought that my intuition picks up on is they

think I'm gay. And they get nervous, and they get scared,

they run away, and they want to get away. I'm not gay. And many

times I've had to tell them, unfortunately, and I always say

this to them, I say, unfortunately, I'm sorry, I have

to say this to you. But this is the world that we live in, I

want to let you know that I'm not gay. And I feel really kind

of sour about saying that. But I only say it because I want to

relieve them of that back of the mind thought. And I see them

when they're having it. Because I've had many conversations with

strangers and in my job and in my life, with my career path.

And being a therapist and a counselor when you open up with

men. For me, when I open up with men, I feel the sense of huge

nostalgia, and they get excited. And then within just seconds,

there's that thought, is this guy gay. And it's some of the

expressions that I use as my facial expression as the tone of

my voice is how openly I share some of my body language. But

the fact that that thought comes up for them, is somewhere where

they shy away. And that gives me an indicator that they haven't

had these people that are talking about, they haven't had

true affection, that male companionship. And some of them

will even tell this to me that they will say to me, I have I've

never met anyone like, and they feel good when I let them know

that I'm not gay, because then it's like, Yes, brother, you can

open up with me, you can be affectionate, we can share love

with each other, that doesn't go into sexuality. And this love

that we're talking about is so powerful, that it's a huge

gravity. It's a huge magnet and love is in all of our hearts. So

when you're in the presence of love, you know, when I'm working

with somebody, or if I'm talking with somebody in love starts

bubbling up from me, their spirit, their heart, their soul

is going to feel that low. And what they choose to do is what

they want to but also it's dictated greatly on what they're

familiar with. So many men have not stuck around in my life.

Just because I'm such a bleeding heart of love. There is so

unfamiliar with it, it actually makes them uncomfortable.

And I can also see that for women, it's challenging. Like

maybe I'm not an exception. But for me, if we were to go on a

date, it would be very hard for me to first believe it's true

that you're being authentic, that you're not trying to trick

me into something. And I would think Yeah, you're this open

book and where's the challenge with the pain because I'm used

to pain and it's it's very interesting to talk with you and

I can see Yeah, it's challenging for men, maybe even for women.

meant to and your love is, is piercing through us and forcing

us to, to open up and to heal. And this is what society needs.

But for you I can see maybe that it can be very lonely at times

or Yeah, hard to understand that

yes, yeah, that's exactly that's, and I'm glad that you

you brought that up too because yes, even for women, the same

thing, you know, when you are showing up as just pure love.

And I'm opening myself up, and people want to open up with me,

like you said, For women, you know, they're waiting for me to

spring some trap or go into a different space with them. Like,

how can I believe that this person is showing up for me,

like with the power, and the gravity and the attraction of a

love partner, but then not even wanting to do that. That's the

challenge. They think that this force of love this amount of

love, has to have an underlying ultimatum, like, I will love you

this much. And then, because I want this from No, I don't, I

don't need to have anything from you, I just want to be in the

presence of love. And so for women, they are waiting for me

to Spring Trap, or they will fall in love with me. And this

energy will be great. And then if I say I don't want to go that

place with you, then we can either cultivate a friendship,

or many women have also left my presence. Because if I'm not

going to be that thing that they are now attracted to, that I've

shown up for as though they want to have the whole package, they

want to have everything. And so people feel like if I can't have

everything, I guess maybe it would be too painful for them to

have love without more than that. Which is interesting for

me. Because why would someone want to say no to love? Well,

that's where we can get into the other episode of the difference

between sex and love. And that's a really big topic that since we

did bring it up in the first episode, many people have been

like really begging for that one. And I want to give that one

full attention in another episode. But for this one moving

forward with suppress masculinity. So setting the

stage there, how I showed up for how I showed up for myself what

I wanted to see. You can say, in a sense that my life could be

viewed as lonely. But I don't see it that way. Not to say that

there isn't that that sliver of a feeling there. Because I

definitely know I desire more masculine energy in my life,

more masculine men in my life. I do want that. But I don't see it

as lonely. For me, what it is, is, when it's right, it will

happen. So I'm not without anything, that's not of great

importance in my life. But since I do have this idea that I

wanted in my life, I know it's something that I will call, how

do I cultivate that I show up for the world, the way I want to

be shown up for myself. What that looks like is true,

authentic, masculine, gentle, vulnerable, open, confident.

personality. Um, I wish I could have some cool little video clip

that would show two second little snippets of all the

little ways that I do this, I'll do my best to describe it now. I

show up very gentle from. It's not something that I practice or

put effort toward. But I do remind myself when I see another

man, whether they're in my office, or on the street, or in

the neighborhood or anything, anytime we have a interaction

when I'm dropping my kids off and there's another dad, there

are just somebody who works at a school that is a man. When we

make eye contact, I smile. And I say hello. I feel like that's

one little thing. That's one little thing. Many people just

don't even do by contact. One of my favorite hobbies these days

is I wake up before the sunrises so I can go walk around the lake

and watch the sunrise. There are many men who do this as well.

And some of them are hardcore athletes that are running to get

in their exercise before they go to work. Some of them are just

lazy in their morning away doing the same thing I'm doing. And in

all of them I always smile and say hi. And some of them will

see me twice around the lake or once around the lake and that's

one little way that I show up for men, where I connect with

them as just strange as saying hello and how that affects their

day.

What they take from it, they could tell themselves whenever

they want, but when I see how genuine their smile back is, to

me was just a Hello in a wave, it is wonderful. Those are what

I call fleeting moments, just fleeting moments that we get to

show up or in whatever manner. Then another scenario is having

a gym membership. I am in the men's locker room. And with all

these men, and some of them are extremely athletic, and some of

them are not so athletic. But we're all there with the same

goal, we're going to get some health and some exercise and

some fitness and be good and vital for our bodies. in those

places, as well as the gym staff members, the men, when I see

them, I opened myself up to just have a normal conversation,

there is a very sensitive place. Because you're not only in this

locker room for a longer period of time than a fleeting moment,

like I spoke about, you're now they're sitting next to each

other, you're at your locker, or you're at the mirror shaving or

checking your hair blow drying, because you just got out of the

shower, you're also getting dressed, and being naked in

front of each other. And it's like back in high school, or

grade school or whatever. But it's a place where you have an

elongated period of time when you're around all these other

men. And one of the things that I noticed there was men will

open up in that space with each other a little bit, they'll talk

about their day, they'll talk about the barbecue, let's talk

about how the work is going or what the family is up to. But

when you get into a good conversation in the locker room,

it actually gravitates other men, other people around here,

and then they chime in. And that's a really great place

where I get to show them myself. And it sparks great conversation

for men, it also triggers a lot of because now they're seeing me

being myself and showing up. And again, there's that back of the

mind that like is this guy gay, like he's talking about love

with men on a very intimate affection level and how it's

missing in the world. And they can't not, they usually find

themselves having something to say about. That's another place

where I show how to be this authentic sense of love. And

other places within my own family. With the men in my

family, it's very interesting because as big ball of glowing

solar love light, the men in my family aren't as so prone to

being that with. And it's not like they've said anything like

you're too much, or I don't feel that way. It's just that there's

been riffs and issues that have distanced themselves from me.

And what that tells me is that, without them saying it, I think

I might be too much for that. Some of the conversations that

we have are just regular, complaining about the neighbor,

or talking about the baseball game or work. And in any of

those situations when I like to dive into that, and get into how

they feel about things and what makes them laugh and what makes

them cry. They completely shy away from that conversation

entirely. They don't want to have it, they'll actually act

like I didn't even say anything, and then just keep talking about

what they were saying. And I'll even go as far as to interrupt

them and say, Oh, yeah, no, yep, I hear what you're saying. Now

that you brought this up, I like to ask you about dot dot, dot,

dot dot, and they'll just stare at me. And they'll be like, No,

no, I was just saying it because whatever. And they will they

refuse to have these conversations. So I see how

people who don't want to open up won't have it. So for me, my

biggest thing was, you know, I'm not going to push anybody who

doesn't want to have some conversations. There was a

wonderful man that came into my life through Tantra, community

circle, and him and I hit it off. And in this Tantra circle,

you do practices of intimacy with everyone in the group, and

him and I got to a place where they invite us to lay down next

to each other, and even to cuddle into each other if we

want to. Now, this was a really sensitive moments. I was like,

Okay, I think he might have actually been the first man that

I've coddled with, probably in my whole life.

Not even my own father, or my grandfather, or my uncles. So

here I am, an adult huddling with another adult. And I'm

like, Well, I can do this. I'm going to open myself up and try

this. And we did. You know, I just we just cuddled into each

other's arms. Like we were just really good friends. We're just

holding each other, like through a tough time, but it wasn't a

tough time. But it also kind of was because we both knew this.

And so we did that. And we connected greatly from that. And

so we stayed in touch, we exchanged phone numbers, we went

out and have lunch, or coffee a couple of times. And then sure

enough after like the third or fourth date, if you want to call

it, we are setting up our next time together. And he texted me

and said, Hey, you know what, I don't think I can do this. And I

was like, well, what's what do you mean what's wrong? And he

said, I don't think I can do this. Because your energy is so

big, and I just don't have it within myself right now to be

where you are. And he was very nice, say it had nothing to do

with me. And there's nothing wrong with me that he's

criticizing. In his own life, he had so much going on, that he

needed to figure out for himself, he was just finally

getting back into society. And I didn't know that about him. I

apparently had been a shut in for like, five years after he

went through a hard divorce. And he's having issues with his kids

and his job and career. And so he, he said he needed to go into

his own space again. And that in my presence, I showed him how

free I was, and how live my life was and how much I just soaked

up every moment. It showed him he wasn't available for that. So

he had to disappear. I'm happy that I was able to show up for

him the way I did. And I'm happy that him and I got to have that

experience. It is a little unfortunate that it went away

because I was getting really close to him. We joke that we

were two brothers from another mother. So that that's kind of a

thing for me. And what I would like to see, like I said, the

way I shop for the world. The way I want to show for myself, I

just continue to be love. Like that's my guidance. I don't know

anything else. People are gonna take me however they want to

take me. That's not my responsibility. I just check in

with myself. Am I coming from love? Yes. Am I coming pure?

Yes. Am I considering the other person's position? Yes. am I

showing up the way I would like to be shown up for? Yes. Am I

holding them accountable for any way they're not able to show up

back to me? No. I'm just being free. And that freedom of love

has been a very big challenge for people, not everyone. I'll

say that not everyone. You know, there are many people who have

received me and love me and we'll be friends into every

single lifetime will ever have. Wow, the space right now if

there's anything that you'd like to say.

Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. And I

understand you I understand him, it was awesome. of him to, to

tell you what it was about, you know, to not just ghost you to

tell you exactly where he was standing. And I just hope that

Yeah, you will never be discouraged to be the person you

are because like I said in an episode number one. You are a

pioneer. This is why it's it's Yeah, lonely at times. But what

you have to us, is what we need to learn. And you taught this

guy, probably so much already, and he just had to retreat and

process that. But he will never get he will never forget this.

Oh, any further. And this is what you keep doing with people

on all different kinds of levels. And it's just Yeah,

very, very precious. I don't want to call it work because

you're not working. You're just being yourself. Right. Right.

Right. Right. It is very

prevalent. Yeah, so then, so so some of the other things that

I've seen and also heard from other people is, you know, where

we talked a little bit about where the masculine suppression

stems from our youth. But now here we are in Episode Two. So

what happens with that I know stories of men who have been

hurt by other men in their growing up, and because of that

they now see men as a challenge, a competition and even in times

of threat. I'm going to tell you a story about my own personal

experience with that. And I was the participant in the trauma

that was created. My I was in high school and my brother

brought a very pretty girl over and he was definitely interested

Her and I had never met her before. And he brought her in

and introduced us and said they were hanging out. I was like,

okay, that's cool. And then he had to go run off and do

something in another room. I don't know if he went to the

bathroom, and I just started talking with her. And without

even thinking about it, you know, here I am some like 1415

year old boy, I'm just opening myself up. And I just told her

like, wow, you're really cute. Just say thank you. You're

pretty cute yourself. And then like, within seconds, I think I

was just like, would you like to kiss me? And she said, Yes. And

we had no thought whatsoever. And so we started kissing each

other. Now here comes my brother back in the room. He is

devastated. I am a perpetrator. I am a predator on his woman.

him and I have had conversations about this many times since that

childhood experience. And I've apologized profusely. I was a

young lad, I had no idea what I was doing to my own brother. You

know, it wasn't doing it vindictively to him at all.

Like, I didn't consider him at all. And so I've apologized, he

always tells me it's not a big deal. Don't worry about it. We

were kids, I still know me harbor summers that there are

other men whose stories I've heard where something along

those same lines have happened. And from their childhood,

whether it was grade school, or high school, or even college.

And they've opened up and said, from that point, they will never

trust another man again, they will not, they won't, we're

talking about people that are in their 40s 50s 60s 70s that have

been holding this begrudging sensation toward other men,

because of something that happened in their youth that

they cannot get over. They're turned off by men. And these are

men that are turned off by these are very gentle, beautiful,

loving men, that will not have anything to do with other men

because of how they were hurt. In that scenario, where a man is

hurt by another man from betrayal like that, it is not

the other man's fault. He could have known better, he should

have known better, he didn't, the woman chose

like, I'm going over here, I'm going to do this, that hurt that

man that hurt him to have her without any words or actions. Or

even if she did have words or actions, the bigger thing that

he received from that was, you're not as good as this

person over here. So I'm gonna go play over here now that cut

him so deep, because now he feels less. Now he feels not

worthy. Now, he feels not good enough. And that's stuck with

some men have been so wounded by other Well, they, they see it as

they're wounded by other men. The reality is they left

themselves open and vulnerable to a mere situation where,

again, as youth, we look for validation from others. And when

it's taken away from us, we feel like a piece of ourselves has to

be like we got wounded. And that stuck with these these men, and

now they see men as competition. It could be competition in the

workplace. Who's got the better car who makes the more money who

influences the boss better, it could be competition against

women, which guys look the best, have the best smile, the

brightest clothing and get all the women if they're in good

enough shape or not, if they're good enough listener or talker,

so many ways that men put themselves in competition with

each other, even in their own family. If brothers see that mom

gives more attention to this brother than the other brother,

dad's always giving kudos to that one, because he's the

sports star. He's the successful one. And what happens is, these

men grow up very shy to exploring their masculinity with

their fellow men. Because it just put off for me showing up

as myself and triggering other people because I show up so raw

and so powerful, I show up so pure, and so honest, without any

hidden agenda, it gets them to reflect on what they've been

resisting in their life. Because of those those those childhood

traumas or those past traumas. When they see somebody in the

now we're gonna go to the men and the women, when they see

someone just showing up and saying, Hi, I'm Adrian, let's be

friends and get to know each other and share all of our

deepest, darkest secrets and thoughts and passions. The men

and women are like, what, what are you Who does that? And I'm

like, well, we all should do that, because that's how we're

gonna grow and evolve, and they're just like, Whoa, they're

just like, blown away. A lot of people don't know this. But I

will tell you, there is a group of people that I can do this,

that I found out. There is a whole beautiful community in the

pride. The pride community is a very safe place where I get to

open up and even if a gay man hits on me, that's okay. And I

see it as a compliment. I'm not offended by it. But in the gay

community, there is a true purity of harboring your love

and being your authentic self and shown up, I was on a

committee for a handful of years in the local pride festivals. I

was on their committees when I was a representative and

Ambassador for them, help set up the festivals and the events and

do some of the networking and sponsoring. And when I got to

sit at these festivals and meet all these beautiful people,

whatever their gender association was, the spirit of

the festival was just the love the love as you are. Take down

all your boundaries, take down all your worries, take down all

your cares and concerns and all the ways that you conform

yourself to fit in and show up at this festival with love and

appear open. And there was everyone. gay, lesbian,

transgender, bisexual, asexual, non binary, straight people,

homophobic people, everybody was all there and people could just

be themselves I mean it was even more beautiful to see the

straight people being themselves Yeah, the pride festival they

don't even get to be themselves in their daily life.

Yeah, yeah, it is crazy and I have a hard time to word it

correctly now what with what I mean but when you look at the

beautiful rainbow community, let's call it Yeah, they had to

not all of them but some of them most of them had to go through

such intense pain and fear with Am I going to be accepted by

society as my family you're going to kick me out are my

friends gonna leave me blah blah blah. They have so much pain and

had to deal with that and then meet with people who went

through similar stuff and they can open up to each other. But

for straight people they never go through or not all of course,

but some straight people don't have these challenges and then

kind of flow in between well do you know what I mean? I'm having

a hard time to word it correctly. And if

they didn't, they didn't have epic life challenges. Yeah,

we're constantly keeping them afraid to be anything close to

their genuine self or their true passion.

Yeah, very well said and and to not have that you would say well

this is awesome. I didn't have to go through hell. But on the

other side that healing hasn't happened and that cracking up so

now we have a lot of heterosexual people out there

who have kind of half acidly healed but not still they're

still wounded and they still relate to others through wounds

and not love and and how to create like a safe space for

them now and finally crack up and yeah, it's it's hard for me

to see where how it could happen. But I feel this is what

we need. We need to to be more like fiercely ourselves and more

honest with with how we feel about things. Without fear of

rejection.

Yes, yeah. And so right there. That point, the, the one word

that I want to use right here is freedom. Freedom is the true

wings. Freedom is the wings, taking the leap of faith.

Geronimo, it gives you wings being free gives you wings on

what does it mean to be free. So with my story, and my experience

of not having the things that I wanted in my world, to show up,

and then my decision to show up for the world in that way. The

biggest work that I had to do for myself during this discovery

was to find out where I had all of my own resistance. So if I'm

going to set out on this journey, I have to find out

where I'm showing up in the same direction that I don't want to

have other people experience for me. It's a very simple process.

And it provided the most beautiful results. So the very

first things was where I catch myself judging other people. If

I'm judging someone, if I'm being impatient with someone, if

I'm being critical of someone, or if I'm comparing myself to

what someone else has versus my wife, and I would have these

thoughts all day long, all the time, I'd be watching TV. If I

saw a commercial or a movie show or anything, I would have a

judgment toward the actors and what they're doing and the

depiction that they're showing. When I was at the gym, I'd see

other men or other women with a healthier state of body. I would

compare myself with that. If somebody was at the store with

me and they got too close to me, or they weren't watching where

they were going, they almost bumped into me and I had to move

I would immediately think that idiot needs to watch they're

going, and I'd have these little thoughts. And then there would

be thoughts about my family thoughts about my friends,

thoughts about my lover, all my neighbors, you know, when I was

like, Alright, I'm tired of having these thoughts. I'm tired

of allowing these things. I'm going to stop that. So now I'm

going to watch my thoughts all the time. And it was a lot of

work. It was I was, I was actually blown away with how

often I would catch myself. Because having thoughts of

condemning critical, angry, judgmental, belittling thoughts,

comparative thoughts, you know, where I'm now. demoralizing,

even my own self, like, comparing myself to other

people, not not not being happy with who I am genuinely happy

with who I am and looking at other people and thinking, Oh, I

wish I had that, that they have, or I wish I was like that, but

they have, I had to catch myself. And there are so many,

in one day, there were so many in an hour, I got

blown away with myself, it was almost laughable. But then I'm

like, Okay, so this is where you are, this is what you want to

do, you want to start watching yourself, you want to stop

having those thoughts, this is the power of mind over matter, I

am going to pay attention to my thoughts and find out where I am

putting my attention to, if I'm looking down on someone, if I'm

judging what someone did, if I'm really killing somebody, in my

mind, all those things, if I'm doing those things, thoughts are

actions, thoughts, or vibration. Thoughts can turn into action

that can turn into words, thoughts can turn into how I'm

dictating my own my own being. And so I was like, Alright,

you're not going to have those thoughts anymore. But what are

you going to do with that, you're not just going to cycle

battle your way through a more idealistic way of thinking, you

need to actually do something with that. So what is that as a

guy? Well, here's an example. If I find myself judging someone,

whatever the whatever the scenario is, when I catch myself

judging them, I immediately stop that thought, I'm not going to

suppress that thought, you know, because that's lying to myself.

I'm not going to suppress that thought, but I'm going to say,

What's another way to look at the situation? All right, I'm

going to understand that that person did what they did. And I

am not that person. And they probably whether they're

conscious of it or not felt validated to do or say or be

whatever they were, what concern of that is my, why do I need to

attach myself to that? And if I don't, then don't, then don't

even give it that attention. An alternative to that is, what are

alternate ways to view it? Well, that person is going through a

thing, can I show them compassion, or patience, or

understanding or just merely not give them attention at all, I

don't have to put my attention on them. So I started chipping

through all of my days, and all of my hours, and there's small

episodes, and there's larger episodes, once I got into the

little teeny, tiny, small episodes, then I saw the larger

ones that were playing out in my life, like how I viewed my

brother, how many times a day, something would happen, that

would remind me of my brother that has disowned me. And then

I'd run through that whole train of thought of our history and

our story and where we are now, and I'd rehearse it in my mind,

and in myself up with Yep, because he's not a good brother

to me. And I wish I had a different brother, I wish he

could be different. I'm like, oh, wait a minute, don't do

that. You're trying to change this code, you're trying to not

think toward people this way, whether they're strangers,

families, or friends. So you have to give yourself a

different thought process, you have to be in control of your

thinking. And if your thinking comes from either an emotional

state, or what history has shown you show up for yourself and

change your thoughts. And I got good at it. I got quick with it,

it happened more and more like I would, it would still I still to

this day have all those same, you know, you could call them

aggressive or ugly or darker, nasty thoughts. They still

happen. I'm still human, but I catch them faster. And I can

process through them quicker because the most amazing thing

happened. When I stopped judging people when I gave them when I

gave myself a different thing to think about instead of judging

someone understand that you don't know where they are at in

their life. And either don't think about it that way,

negatively or judgmentally or just don't think about them at

all. When I stopped being angry with other people who

interrupted my day are offended me or bothered me. Instead, I

would just be like, Okay, this person is going through their

own thing. I just need to set up a healthy boundary and not

participate in whatever anger or aggression they're showing my

way. Or when somebody would interrupt me and I would lose my

patience with someone they are not even involved in my life.

They're just causing me impatience at a line or holding

up my schedule or whatever. Again, I'm like, okay, instead

of looking at it that way, understand that the timing was

perfect for this situation and myself to show up. So the

universe is just telling me to just pick a time to breathe.

Pick a time to relax. When I started getting better at

catching myself from having these darker feelings, and these

aggressive, combative, competent competitive feelings. It left a

hole in my thinking process. It left an open space in my Heart.

And now with this extra space, it got filled with other

feelings and other thoughts, thoughts of happiness, and joy

and compassion and understanding, that is an actual

practice that I tell you, when you want to do the work when you

want to show up for yourself in the world in a different manner.

And in this manner of suppress masculine energy, this can go to

both parties, both men and women, show up for yourself in a

different way, start with your own work. Because I believe that

the people that we're talking to today, the people that are going

to be listening to this are ones who want to either share this

episode with people that they see have this going on in their

life, or they want to take it and digest it and put it into

their own life.

Find out all the ways you can redo your own thinking. And then

give yourself some other space to have other things to offer.

That was the best tool for me.

Wow. Again, I'm learning tons today. And I love the practice

that you're applying and that you just shared with us because

it also leaves us space to respond authentically and not

react because of a trigger because of an annoying, or

something. And it's gonna make us relate to people on a deeper

level. Because what you said, we have more space now for love,

and compassion and forgiveness. And we all need more of that in

our lives and self forgiveness, self compassion, you know, yeah,

it's feelings. And to, to be there for yourself and to, to

kind of nurture your way through to this because it's it's tough

to suddenly notice your thoughts and your feelings. And you just

think, Oh my god, I'm such a bad person, I should be locked away.

And no, you can heal from that. And you can heal yourself and we

can heal together. And wow, what you said today was again, so, so

powerful, and I know it will help so many people and soon we

will talk about the love versus sex. And and I'm just very

excited to Yeah, connect with you again and talk more.

Yes, and I believe that that one tailors right into the end of

this episode. Because that's a very big pivotal thing.

Separating the difference between sex and love, because

love is what we're talking about. And when people get the

sex part confused. That's where they don't open up virgin.

Mary, very well said, Well, I'm wishing you a wonderful rest of

your day and a wonderful birthday. I'm so grateful that

you took the time for us that it is a safe space for you that you

feel good here and that you invited us. Yeah. Well, thank

you so much. Well, thank you so much for listening to this

beautiful conversation here. And just as a side note, please know

that. Yeah, I feel very triggered when a man is so

liberated and free and so loving. And maybe you felt a

little bit the same. Maybe you felt challenged. And it is

totally normal because as I said during the interview, he is a

unique person. He is a pioneer. But you know you don't always

have to steer the steering wheel abruptly into a new direction.

When you invite change into your life. Sometimes just a little

bit of steering to the side can have a huge positive impact on

your life already. So I hope you found our conversation.

inspiring. I hope I was able to bring value to your life. And

yeah, take good care of yourself. I will be out there

very soon again. Never hold back from sending me comments. If you

haven't yet, please subscribe to this podcast and give us some

love on Apple podcast. leave us a review. There is so much