Welcome to the Parental exchange podcast.

I'm your host, Chico.

And I'm your girl, Nicole.

And this is where real parents exchange real experiences.

No judgment, just growth and connection.

Hell yeah.

It's time to like in everybody.

That's right, baby.

Oh, but this is a, this one is a deep like this hits all levels whether you are a parent or not, because it's something you're always going through and as an individual.

And so, you know, our ride as a couple has been a hell of a ride.

You know, I don't know how, like how we can get so deep because.

There's so many layers going into those different phases.

When we first realized that we were going to have a baby and that alone was like, all right, sound the alarms.

We got to get ready.

We got a lock in for real.

And we did, right.

We started moving, we got things going, we got blessed with an apartment, we got engaged, we got in the new crib.

Then we have the baby.

And now it's like we're like project managers where we're trying to like manage our days.

And, and that mode, right, really that, that became that, that went later on, but it was really like survival mode.

We were trying to like really survive.

You know, you taking days off, time off of work, to work from home so you can be present.

And it was still chaotic.

Crazy.

Oh my God.

But I really, I passed by that apartment the other day.

I was like, oh, like there's a lot of memories.

We grew like raise him there, everything.

And his first 3 ish years we.

Were in survival mode.

And I, I almost wonder how I would feel with a second compared to being a first time mom.

You know, I think that you just.

Have more to you that you expect.

Yes.

In the beginning is like what to expect.

What the heck is going.

I feel like I'd be a pro.

I feel like, I feel like we'd be pretty good with a second.

Like we'd be like, oh yeah, okay, that's normal.

But no, our, our relationship went through so many different phases from the newly part of getting engaged and finding out you're having a baby and moving in together.

Like we.

Three big changes in one, in, in a matter of one timing.

And that was challenging for a relationship.

That was putting a good weight on it for a while.

But also like who.

Like we're.

There's.

It's change, it's exciting.

Like humans, we don't like change like that.

You know, we get.

So it was a beautiful thing to see how we thrive through that.

And then Parenthood and trying to keep our own identities and our identity as a couple.

Like, I think that's been the most challenging.

Just up and down, right?

Like, since.

Since he was very small, it's been a challenge.

But we.

We do our best.

We do our best.

Well, like I said, we were.

We were in survival mode.

So, like, that.

That relationship part takes a back seat because you're literally, literally trying to just get through the day.

Now.

We're kind of like, in our own flows.

And.

And.

And we got kind of some sort of routine with him and with ourselves.

And.

And.

And it still feels like a project, but a project that you're like, all right, I can set realistic expectations with myself and know what's going on.

But now it's like, where can we start prioritizing the relationship, right?

Because again, it was three long.

Three, not three long years.

It was three years of ups and downs.

Because, again, something has to take the back seat.

And when I.

When I say something takes the back seat, I mean, date nights.

I mean, you know, even simple conversations outside of our kid, right, Are important.

And we were.

Everything that we talked about was around him.

So it was like, hey, did you do this?

Am I doing that?

Who's doing this?

Who's getting that?

What do we need for him now?

Is he sick?

Are we going to the doctor?

Who's the one that's going to do the appointments?

Like, think about it.

It was like a.

You're expecting somebody to do this and expecting somebody to do that.

It's crazy.

So it was that.

That, you know, whirlwind of things happening at once that just had us in a chaotic place.

And I.

And I can see now when.

When people, you know, were telling us things, and I was like, ah, we got it.

You know, they were like, yo, I'm gonna tell you, I remember your cousin Ben was like, if you want one thing that, like, one piece of advice, patience.

And I was like, I mean, of course.

He was like, nah, nah, like, because.

You will be tested.

You will be tested.

And.

And I think about that day so much because I was like, I remember how I was like, man, yeah, I'm a patient.

Like, I'm a patient, dude.

I don't.

You're pretty patient.

I don't be spat.

Nah, but I'd be expecting him to spaz.

And he never does.

But when he does, I'd be like, I.

It was about to happen at some point.

Yo, when he said that, I remember I was like, dog, I got this.

I'm talking to the one that can be patient.

What?

I don't know if I'm putting you on the spot with this question, but it just came out of mine.

What was one part in Parenthood for you where you felt you were tested the most with your patients?

If you could just remember one thing.

On the spot in the early stages, I'll say when he didn't want to go to sleep and it was late and I had to rock him to bed.

Oh.

And he had that period where.

Where I couldn't sit down because the minute I sat down, he started crying.

I was losing my.

I was like, I'm gonna go crazy.

And I remember one day that I kind of, like.

I kind of did.

I kind of.

I kind of yelled, and I scared him.

And I remember I felt horrible because I.

Like, I was so tight that I kind of, like, a little bit, and I was like.

And then he cr.

He started crying even more.

He didn't want me anymore.

And then I gave him to you.

You came in and kind of just said, hey, I got this.

Let me.

Let me.

Let me help out.

Yeah.

And when you.

When you swooped in, got him and started, you know, doing your thing, I walked out, and I was just like.

I just traumatized this kid.

I'm tight.

Like, I'm over here.

Like, I'm hoping.

I'm hoping he doesn't hate me tomorrow.

I might.

Meanwhile, they love you in a few minutes.

And then.

Yeah.

No.

And then he fell asleep, wakes up the next day, and he's like, daddy this, daddy that.

And I'm just, like, trying to not cry.

And.

And even at that moment, I also realized how emotional I got because I'm not the one to want to be crying.

Yeah.

At that time, I. I remember, like, that guilt and, like, I don't.

I never want to get mad at him like this again and again.

You got to be patient with yourself.

How about you?

What was, like, a moment when you felt like your patients were tested?

Oh, my God.

The first thing that comes up is.

I think you can guess it.

Breastfeeding.

The patience and having that trust in yourself that you can produce for your kid when no other options and alternatives are working, you have to have a lot of, like, mental, like, no stress.

No stress, no stress.

And the patience and belief that it will work out.

Right.

Like, the sleepless nights and.

And having to get up during those moments and having one to two hours of sleep.

Those were the tough nights.

But I also enjoyed it while it was happening.

It's weird.

It's the weirdest thing, because I. I knew it would never last forever.

It was something that would end at some point, and that's how I've been seeing it more.

The more he grows.

I'm like, holy, this is the smallest he'll ever be.

But, yeah, I hate when.

When, like, TikTok wants to get all, like, dark, like, parent on me, where they start giving me all these videos.

And one was like a mom telling her kid, can you allow me to carry you?

And I was like, why are we doing this to ourselves?

Like, can.

Can I carry you?

Because this may be the last time.

I'm like, bro, don't do this right now because I'm over here getting like.

Like.

Like, I don't even want to think about that.

Because I'm over here thinking about when was the last time my dad carried me.

Like, that thought.

That thought came to my mind right away.

I was like, I don't remember.

The last time was when my dad carried me where I was like, that's the last time he's gonna carry me.

Like, so to be able to do.

That now, you're thinking that with your own kid.

Yeah.

And now to be able to do that now, because we got cameras, we got social media, and again, we're creating way more memories with our kids than our.

Our parents probably did back then.

It was like you had to be living in the moment to realize that you were in the moment.

Today, you kind of are trying to just create a bunch of moments because you know that moments are fleeting.

And you got it.

You got to just try to have the most to look back at, because when you're at old, when you're older, like my age now, I have photos to look back at, but I don't have enough videos to think about what was I like outside of my own memory and what other people may, like, see me, that I can look at myself on camera and be like, yo, I was wilding, or I was doing this, or, oh, I see that.

I still kept that same energy that I had back then.

I don't have enough of that, you know, so it's kind of like, I want that for Zaya so we can kind of be able to look back and show him, hey, you were like this.

Like, you were a handful, and you were very smart, and you still are very smart.

And look.

And this is what you was, your rhythm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yo, we made him an email when he was born, and we have not put anything in that email.

We said we would send files there,.

But all the files are there, but we just don't.

Just haven't done it.

We haven't.

It's a lot.

It's a lot.

It's four years worth now.

But we got to do it because our phone is job.

Another thing.

Good idea though, for parents, like create an email for your kid and put all of your memories in there that you won't put in a photo album if you, you know, don't go and print it out and do all of that.

Like a scrapbook.

But your emailed scrapbook would be.

Or that external hard drive.

I got three of them filled with a bunch of memories.

Like, okay, that's all me then that's it.

That's even better.

So, you know, diving back into the, the phases, I wanted to talk about, like, what parts did you start seeing as like, I want to, I want to improve in this area, like, or like, yo, we got to do something or we lose in this.

Like, was there any, any point in the relationship where you were like, if we keep going this way, we're just going to be co parents at this point?

That question is deep because I know I've felt that before.

Can you pinpoint a time where you were like, were we still at the apartment or like, yeah, job.

Where was I?

Like, kind of like pinpointing in, in at the time where you thought that.

I think we were.

Well, we were still in our apartment.

And this was not even, I mean, partially.

Oh yeah, it was right when Zai was born, a couple months.

I'm thinking you're gonna go like two years in.

She goes right when Zaya was born.

I was like, this is it for us.

I, I didn't think I was going through this massive depression or postpartum depression, but everyone around me felt that I was.

And I do remember certain points where I was very upset thinking that you had, you just had your attention somewhere else.

And I was this breastfeeding mother who looked sleep deprived and sloppy with big boobs and milk coming out.

And there was something different out there that had your attention at the time.

And so in me thinking that and feeling like certain things that were going, like certain little things that I saw, I made stories in my head and I was like, nah, we ain't doing this.

And I remember getting up early in the morning that day.

I was like very sleep deprived.

As I was finally asleep after breastfeeding, I took a nice warm shower, got all smelling good, got a little sexy little outfit to try to get your attention, and I put on some frank Ocean while I was cooking breakfast and the sun was coming up.

I'll never forget it.

I'll never forget it.

And I wore, like, booty shorts, because I know you like the cheeky ones, not the thongy ones as much as the cheeky ones.

Yeah.

And I had a T shirt, and I was cooking, and I'm like, yeah, like, this is all yours and I just had your kid.

What?

That.

That was.

That was a moment where you're like, nah, I'm not.

I'm.

I' ma just start feeling good about myself or, oh, hell yeah.

Yeah.

I was like, let me shake this off and see what happens and not overreact.

I just took a step back and I'm like, let me see what's up.

But in the meantime, I'm gonna stay confident myself and know that I am an amazing mother.

Amazing.

Like, I. I just was like, nope, I'm.

I'm me, and that's it.

So we're gonna get.

See how we get through this, but don't forget about yourself.

And that's what I did.

I was like.

And lo and behold, you know, just the stories you tell yourself, you have to change the stories you tell yourself.

And that is something that I started to do, and I'm proud of myself about that.

Like, and it's a constant work in progress, but I love that.

Yeah, that was.

That was that moment for me.

What about you?

I'm curious to hear this.

See, the thing with me is when I say it is more of, like, the.

It's not so much what's going on with you outside of.

I guess it was more of, like, where we were just doing things for ourselves, where we were just so caught up on everything else, where I was just, like, in our.

In our work.

And.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would be like, yo, couples can go a little while without intimacy, or can they?

And that'd be.

And then I started thinking, like, am I missing something here?

Like, what's going on?

And those things were like, I.

With within reason.

Right?

If we're not doing anything, then it's.

It's our fault, right?

Like, we have to.

We have to get.

Get active.

Because if we don't do it, then someone else is like, it's just.

You gotta.

You gotta become realist, like, realistic with yourself.

Like, if you're.

If you let something slip, if you're lacking in something.

Yeah.

Someone else gonna pick.

Want to pick up that slack.

Or your partner might be open to, like, oh, someone else is giving me that attention.

You know, I think that's where your head was at.

Yeah.

And at that time I was also like.

I remember it was like the most weight I've ever gained.

I had just gone bald.

I was going through it.

I was in a career where I was just like very shaky about.

I remember just kind of like being all over the place.

And that also just had me in my mind elsewhere.

So it was kind of just like I wasn't even focusing on that until I had to pull myself back like you did at that moment and kind of be like, yo, what's going on?

Like also what's going on over here?

We still run into that season today.

Let's not get it twisted as parents to a four year old now.

Like the way he's growing and how much busier it feels with certain things in the season we're in.

Yeah, we're, we're definitely missing those or having those gaps of non intimacy and it's just real.

Like it's a, it's just a reality.

But I find that our hack has been, you know, work midday.

Well, spontaneous things have to just be, be open more spontaneous.

Was there ever a time where you were like intentionally telling yourself I have to fall back in love with this relationship?

Great question.

And I'm like, my eyes got why?

Because yes, I have the first one.

I have had times where I had to say, let me take a moment and realize what I have and not just like the heartaches or the issues that are at hand and know that we're.

This is not what is, what makes us us.

I just have to step back for a second and I would think about it.

Yeah, like, what do I want out of this?

How is this something worth pushing through?

Is this just a hump in the road that we're work.

We're willing to work through, you know, and, and just know it's just a part of a hump in a relationship.

But we love each other.

And constantly reminding myself, yeah, like I do love this man, I love this family.

And I'm doing devoted to my family.

I never had to convince myself that I had to stay devoted.

I just had to convince myself that even through the issues and the ups and downs, that we were still one for one.

Like we were for there for each other and that it was gonna be okay if it wasn't.

Yeah, like that was me coaching myself.

Yo, like you gotta have a personal coach inside of you when you're in a relationship with one child or more or you're just kind of going through the motions of this economy and things happening outside of here.

We have had those moments, but oh, we never thought about what it would be like having a child.

We were so free when we were right before that, like we were just like free living.

And now.

Yeah.

This little person occupies your mind forever.

Yeah.

But.

Yeah, no, great question, babe.

I'm sorry, but you stunned me with that one.

You stunned me with that one.

What about you?

I don't, I don't think I ever told myself like I have to fall back in love.

I think it was more like I understood that there's ups and downs.

Like it was just like I would have to tell myself this is one of those moments that, that's what I would tell myself.

This is one of the moments where we're like in our lows and it was kind of like.

Because I've never been the one to like, like threatening.

Like I've never, I was never one in the relationships, in any relationship where I would like, yeah, like I'd never threaten somebody on leaving anymore.

I would never.

Cuz I, I just, I said anytime that I say that out loud, I'm going to mean it.

And I never want to say that out loud if I don't mean it right.

So I always felt that way about specific, specifically doing that.

You've never done it.

Yeah, and I have because I don't think about it that way.

Yeah.

But I ha.

Like I have, I think I start to say when it comes to those points where I'm like.

Deal with your emotional side way more than us, I kind of just be like, I'll listen to stuff, I'll, I'll, I'll find ways out of it, you know, But I won't say it out loud.

I can't.

Because I just always felt like again when you say these things, I feel like that person that you're saying it to is going to remember that.

And now you're also creating, you're planning things in their head.

So it's kind of like I was like, yo, the day I say that is because I'm actually dead ass about it.

And you don't want me to get to that, to that place ever.

Because then I'll dead ass be about it.

Like and, and so I just, I never thought that way or put action to saying stuff like that.

So when, when I thought about intention, it was never like, oh, I gotta force myself to love her again.

No, I would be like, this is a part where we probably don't like each other that much and we'll we'll just be around each other until we, we do.

Right.

It's kind of like, well, we'll do stuff.

We'll, we'll start, we'll start finding ways to, to kind of fall back in that place.

And the couple's challenge was one of those right.

Where we were able to dig deep into ourselves and, and also get real with ourselves and be like yo just like mental things you got to go through physical things.

Like that time was like a mental and physical challenge.

Trying to like, like be disciplined and hold ourselves to something.

And that was a, A, a growth point in our relationship.

Cuz I think we never, we never pushed ourselves with a goal and hold ourselves to the fire like that.

So that was kind of like when you find new ways to grow with your partner.

I think that's another way to fall in love with them because you get to see a new version of them or be a part of a, of a, a a moment where you see something that you don't.

You hadn't seen before.

And that was like with parents like when you had zai, I was like a new level of respect.

Like oh, that little boy came out of her body.

Like that's crazy.

Then it's like the breastfeeding like when seeing how you, how you were like so committed like to the point where you were like I'm a force it one way or the other because he needs to have the, this breast milk.

And I would remember how you were just like drained and but pushed through it and got it done and you reached that six month phase and you were where you were like I did six months.

Right.

And and you kind of were okay with kind of.

And at the time you went back to work.

Yeah.

You started kind of giving them both and then towards.

I made it almost a year.

Almost a year until I finally was.

Once I started work again, I couldn't keep up with scheduling to do it.

So I would come home with rock hard breasts and I would have to pump for like two hours and just massage them down until all that milk came out.

And then it was to the point where I just drained it because I was becoming bigger and bigger gaps of time.

And so I lasted just right.

Hitting around 10 months.

That's it.

Yeah, that's how long it lasted.

I never forget because.

Nice.

I tried to hit the 12 month mark and I know a lot of women around me were struggling with that too.

And so many, so many different stories of pregnancy.

You got to be very soft when it comes to that with other People, because people are going through, trying to.

Trying to be pregnant, lost a baby, miscarriage, stillborn.

So you have to be very, you know, I was always very, like, conscious of that and respectful and also just soft, just empathetic, you know.

But I appreciate you sharing that with me because I sometimes might fall into that rabbit hole of feeling like, yeah, you're kind of, like, tapped out of the relationship or just like, yeah, whatever.

But it's funny because, yeah, you never leave.

You never, you never leave or you never threatened, quote, unquote, me and saying, yo, if we don't, if you don't fix your act, I'm.

I'm done here.

You've never done that.

I don't think I've ever said it to you like that.

But I said, if we don't get it together as a one, then I don't know how much longer I can put up with this.

For sure, we only live one life.

And for me, you know, I always talk about exhausting out my days.

What more?

How much more day hours are left in a day that we could just do something.

It's the same thing when it comes to being in my relationship.

I know that I only have one life to experience genuine love.

And so I want to make sure that that is what I'm experiencing and that's what you're experiencing.

And there are moments where I, like today, just holding Z's hand behind me, I was like, wow, like, I really got to know a man, became great friends with that man, fell in love with that man, and had this little hunk.

It was crazy.

So cool.

And I was just grateful in that moment.

I was just grateful in that moment, despite the frustrations and having had so many different pits and stops, downfalls, like, you know, let's talk about the tested parts of our relationship, where we had to, you know, it's been how.

October, November 7, January, March.

About five months since we made a big shift, career wise, living wise, to try to make sure that we can build a better life in, like, the next few years.

And like, fast track that, that was hard for me to make that big change.

It still is.

But I found peace in knowing where I was going.

Wasn't.

It was still home.

Was still home.

Yeah.

You know, but it was a tough.

It was a tough change.

It was a tough change for me.

What about you during that transition?

Because we, we have those goals, the five Fs, like everything we've been doing now relays to that.

So how was that phase for you?

I don't I'm.

I don't know, I.

Because I was the one that was kind of pushing it on.

Like, I was kind of more of like, I.

That was the only way I was at a place where that was the only thing that made sense.

So I was kind of just like, now we're going to rock.

If we go this direction, it's going to make a lot of sense, and we're going to be grateful that we did it now because we are in such a shaky time period with the economy, with careers, with.

With all these different things that are affecting our day to day.

I also felt like we needed to have, like, a hard reset.

And in order to do that, you got to let go of some things.

You got to make specific sacrifices with the goal in mind.

And my goal is the things we said we were gonna go out and get in, you know, investments, properties, and a different lifestyle that we want to, you know, dive into.

So I was more like, all right, man, I'm ready for this.

Like, I want to get this done.

And, you know, I knew it was going to come with some growing pains and some.

And some uncomfort.

It's going to be different.

But I was embracing it because I knew that at the end of the day, just like, we had a great three years at the apartment, we'll have a great three years here.

And from here, when we go on to our next phase, we're going to look back and be like, man, that was great.

This is where we're supposed to be going.

This is where we're supposed to be at.

And we're grateful that we had the opportunity to have, like, this grace period, because not everybody has this, like, you got to think about it.

There's people that wish they can do this because not everybody is okay with their financial decisions.

Right.

They're trooping it out.

They're making it happen.

And if you have the opportunity to say, you know, let me just start a clean slate, because I didn't like the direction.

Yeah, save a lot of money.

Get real, like, down.

Downgrade.

All the things that I need to downgrade.

So that way when the upgrade comes, it's worth it and it actually makes sense.

Like, it is what it is.

There's some people that.

That don't need to take that route.

That's a blessing as well.

Like, whatever it is that you need to do to get where you're going is.

It's.

It's needed for you and your family.

Go for it.

Make it happen.

You know, it's your Life.

You.

It's like you said, your life.

You only have this time in your life.

You can't just sit here and.

And dwell on the things that you did wrong.

You know, scrap that page onto the next page, get it rocking.

Like, you know, we're.

We're halfway through.

We're going halfway into 20, 26.

Let's get it.

Like, ready time isn't going to stop for no one.

We can't sit around, have a pity party.

Like, it's like that mentality.

Like, I'm just, like, I'm ready to see that other side of things.

So.

So for me, it was more of like a let's get it.

Like, and every time I was in this mode of.

Oh, my God.

Like, no, like, this mode of staying where I was, you were like, babe, this is going to be good for us.

Like, you'd have to give me a pep talk every time, and I'll be like, okay.

I remember one time saying to, now that you've switched jobs and income is looking a little better, do you think that it's still possible that we just avoid giving up this lease?

And I was like, yo, if I'm making a lot more money now, why would I want to spend it into a place that.

We don't want to live here forever.

We want to go somewhere else.

We don't even know if we want to be in Jersey.

You know, going back to the J. Cole audio, when he was talking about the fairy tale, the feelings that you.

That you feel like you're going to always feel like this, and then.

Nah.

No.

After a year.

Nah.

And.

And you know what it is?

No.

And you know what's.

What's crazy about that is you realize when people talk about the puppy love stages, right?

And you.

You look at people and be like, man, y' all don't know about.

Yeah.

Like, y' all don't know this.

This a for everything, Jesse, girl, this means everything to me.

It's like, yeah, no, I understand what they mean by it.

Right.

It's not like they're trying to rain on your parade.

It's setting, like, going to happen.

Yeah.

Like, you going to set realistic expectations at certain point, you're going to realize when you get comfortable around somebody, when you're around somebody every single day, when you have your moods, when you want to have your own time, like when.

Whenever life is lifing, you're gonna realize that that's not always going to be the feeling you're gonna have, and you're gonna go through Some things you're gonna heal from, some things you're gonna hurt through something.

Like, it's gonna be all these phases.

Now the decision is you have to always recommit to the decision you said, like, to the.

To the commitment you made to yourself.

I'm committed to this person.

Right.

Sometimes you got to go against what you're feeling at that moment, because again, it's the moment you think about long term.

That's why I was thinking, I was talking to you about, you know, a couple days ago, about how easy people just let go of things, right?

And I'm talking about just like the people that let go because of the feelings that we're talking about.

The, the general, like, clashing and.

And just growing apart, right?

Sometimes just realizing that you gotta go through some of these things in order to kind of get to the place where you can be with somebody.

People don't want to go through that struggle sometimes.

People just want to run away from, like, those hurt feelings.

And, you know, I can't speak for others and.

And I won't be like, yo, go.

You know, go through it.

Right?

But I. I understand the people that see the value, right?

Or see the importance of, like, sticking it through if they really feel like that person's worth it.

Because, yo, if you really think about it, we're gonna be living for X amount of years.

If I'm gonna be with this person for X amount of years, you expect me to be a hundred percent perfect all the time.

Because, like, that's the.

That's the expectation that we set, right?

Like, this person has to do by.

Right.

No mistakes.

Yeah.

They got to be do right by me, right?

Yes.

That sounds crazy to me because I think about our human instincts and things, and it's like, bro, we're selfish sometimes.

Sometimes we just want to have our own time.

Like, there's things that.

There's moods, you know, like moods like, come on, dog.

Like, you can't always be the perfect person, so of course you're gonna go through some things.

And, and granted, there's some things that are very hard to get over, right.

You really believe that the person you're with is your person.

You go through some things.

Yeah.

And I was the person running away from that hurt.

I was never expecting to go through things.

I always tell you that I've been told in the past that I want to live this fairy tale of a relationship, and I didn't believe it until I got into this longer relationship.

This is the longest relationship I've ever Been in.

And I've always wanted out.

The moment I felt, oh, I don't deserve that.

Yeah, now you're beat.

Oh, you did that to me.

That doesn't sound like you want to be with me forever.

Like, we're.

We're done here.

And it was never.

I never allowed anybody to be able to make mistakes because I didn't think that that was something that should be done.

If you really love somebody.

I had a different mindset back then.

No, and.

And.

And again, there's.

To the.

To a certain limit.

I understand it.

Right.

Like if you love somebody, you won't intentionally hurt them.

Yeah, I get it.

I also believe in grace.

Like, there's certain graces that you give people.

And again, depending on the situation, I can't just generalize it.

Depending the situation you gave, you got to evaluate.

You got to evaluate.

And again, like, for me.

Yeah.

And even you, like, when you re evaluated our relationship or had that moment when you were like, I gotta lock in.

I can't.

Like, this is worth the fight.

It's the same thing for me.

It's like, if I see this and I said this, then just because I'm feeling this way, I can't just let this determine my next move.

I gotta kind of like, get away from this.

Once I'm done with this feeling, if I still feel the same way, then maybe it's true on how.

How I'm really feeling.

Or maybe that's just the moment.

And it was just a moment.

Like, we're gonna fight through this.

We're gonna figure it out.

And again, there's boundaries that you'll set, but there's also things that you have to also be okay with, realizing that your.

Your partner is not a perfect person just like you.

And.

And you gotta find ways to.

To troubleshoot those problems.

So the ups and the downs, when you expect them, this is where, like setting realistic expectations or having people around you that can kind of like help you through those things.

Right.

Having couples with experience, couples that been through it all, that can tell you, yo, you know, we went through something similar.

We did this, we did that.

Like, yo, it's not a good feeling when someone disappoints you or something happens that you didn't think that person would do or, or even like how they act or habits that they have or.

Or traumas from their childhood that they have to get over and they bring.

It into your relationship.

Like, there's so much that we unpack on people.

What.

And it.

It can make it definitely Like a.

Is this worst thing or.

Or what?

Like, I gotta make that decision.

Yeah, no, yeah.

Thousand percent.

You know, one.

One.

That.

That also is, like, I don't think it's talked about enough because a lot of people always drum, like, go straight to infidelity.

But financial, like, how your.

Your partner handles himself financially is also a big one, because realizing that there's, like, flaws in their spending habits, in their saving habits and what they spend their money off.

Yeah.

Like.

Or the amount of debt they're coming into their.

They're coming into your life with.

Oh, you know, like, it's.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

Like, I would be like, I would be going crazy.

Like, yeah, you didn't have a lot, but for what you did, tell me.

I still was like.

But then I'm like, okay.

Like, nah, it's not that bad.

It's just.

I've never.

I've never saw two as one until again, this relationship where I was like, I have my separate thing.

You got your separate thing.

We're working well together.

It's good.

It's all good.

That's always been me.

So coming into that with you, you're like, babe, let's.

We gotta start, like, doing things a little more together in unison to make sure we're keeping track of stuff.

And I'm like, what about how you gonna keep track of who's spending what?

Like, you gonna put that money back if you spend extra?

Like, that was what I thought for a second.

That's a great conversation.

I hope the audience on this one chimes in.

You know, I'll post this up so y' all can comment.

What's kind of your dynamic if you're.

If you're willing to share, you know, financial.

What are the hurdles financially that you're facing maybe right now that you're willing to share?

You know, for us, it was kind of like becoming one.

Right.

And, yeah, when I had this conversation, I remember.

When I had this conversation with you, I remember going, I don't want to make it sound like we have.

Like, I didn't want to make it sound like there was some sort of control, Right.

Yeah.

I wanted to make sure that we were like, yo, let's just equally put everything in one pot, right?

Because one thing that we didn't know was what.

What our spending habits were, right?

And we.

We.

We had these, like, ambitious goals.

And to have those ambitious goals, you have to have an idea where your money's going to see where you have room to set money aside for those ambitious goals that you have.

And when we had the conversation, I remember you were like, you were all for like putting into one account for savings, but when it came to like are spending or, or your whole page, you were like a bad at that.

Let's talk about this a little bit,.

Baby.

And.

Yeah, like, tell me more.

Yeah, and, and I remember telling you, like, look, this is only for us to do for this period of time at some point if you want to have your own.

No.

And that, that stays like that now, like, we ain't gonna.

Yeah, but, but it's like even for, for the person listening, if you, if you feel something like, scary for you, set it for a specific goal that you want to achieve together.

And then if you want to have your own separate small account for your.

Own things, your own miscellaneous.

Yeah, like, I don't.

I don't think that's a bad thing.

But for us it was just like, we have to be 100, like on everything.

If we're, if we're counting our calories, we gotta count our spendings.

Like, we're all in on every area.

We gotta.

We got to be like, you know.

Yeah.

Like, we got to keep.

Keep track of everything.

And this is the only way we're going to do that because.

And it's working.

It is working.

And we see, we see our, like, we're seeing our money and we're like, yo, we are.

We have a lot going on.

We just had.

Yeah, yeah, we had a lot going on and we were like, we were very irresponsible.

And to this day, like, we do some things where we.

Amazon got our.

Got us locked in like Amazon Goddess, you know, like as of lately, me.

Yeah.

Like, we're gonna go on Amazon and we need that.

Get that.

But outside of the Amazon spending, we're in a place where we're a hundred percent way more disciplined.

We have motion going in our.

In, in the things that we want.

And like actually pushing away all those debt.

Like, what's cool is we're not saying we're making.

Oh my God.

Like, nah, the goal is building that up.

But we are saying that what we are earning, we know where it's going.

We know how to distribute it well, because we're seeing it all there, but we're also just going with like, the needs and like, does this make sense?

I. Yeah, let's do it.

So.

And working together.

So a lot of communication.

I appreciate that.

We've been having a lot more of that when it comes to that side of things.

When we're locked in to figure it out now.

We just got to work on doing that throughout the days and stuff.

I think the third and final thing within the relationship phase is how we get so zoned in on what we're doing with our work and trying to figure that out that it becomes hard to make sure you're making time for each other.

We gotta, we gotta, we still are a work in progress with that facts.

Well, well, even right now for me, right, like I told you, I kind of set that expectation like, yo, I'm gonna be working very like early days, late nights right now.

It's gonna look like that for probably six months to maybe a year.

Right?

Because what I'm doing now, it requires a different side of me.

It requires different type of attention for now.

But once I get over that learning curve, you're gonna have more time, you're gonna have me more available, and I look forward to that because, you know, working from home, having me available after a certain time of the day.

Appropriate hours.

Yeah, appropriate hours.

I'm not staying till 10pm, you know, five, even some days early because you get, you get at this point, once you get good at this, you can work ahead.

So when you're working ahead, you kind of can leave and go home.

Like there's, there's levels to this.

So, yeah, I'm at that place where I'm eating right now, period.

Like, I'm, I'm going to sleep at odd hours, 11 o', clock, 12 o', clock, 10 o'.

Clock.

And it's definitely affecting us when it comes to that side.

So we got to work on that.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And, and trust me, like, even that, like my mood, you know, when I'm not sleeping as well as, as, as well as I should or I'm in the, on these screens all day, like I'm drained mentally.

I don't want to talk.

I'm like in a bad mood.

Not even in a bad mood.

I'm kind of just more like dying down.

So I'm kind of just like reserving my, my energy.

And you know, those are things that I want to change because that's even up my eating.

Like I'm, I'm eating like from anxiety again, like how I was.

And I noticed that and I was like, yeah, I gotta stop.

But I, again, there's some imbalances that come with change and I just gotta re.

Redirect.

And I'm glad that you're also, you know, in my ear about that.

You're constantly in my ear about that.

So I acknowledge it.

I just know that because of where I'm at right now, I gotta shift.

Yeah.

And I feel like after this weekend, the things that I've been doing and where I've gotten in, the progress in my work, I'm gonna start seeing that moving forward.

Because I locked in a plan, you know, just like I'm locking in plans with you at home.

Me and my supervisor locked in a plan because I, I do need that help around being organized and having a structure because I'm very all over the place.

Like conversational wise, she steers me back because I'll go in many different directions.

That's just how my brain works.

I don't know if it's the ADHD or if it's just like I have scattered brain, but I, I scatter around a lot.

You know, it is what it is.

So I acknowledge that and I understand that that's a point where I need somebody to kind of like steer me back.

So I look forward to change, you know, the change, the, the weather changing.

So we could do more outside things.

You know, I'm already getting my outside set up too because I'm gonna be working from home outside too.

In the back.

Yeah.

And I am definitely going to put up a calendar to do some parental and like parent walk or runs at Garrett Mountain.

So yeah, let's do it like once a week.

Parental exchange, Run club.

Let's get it Run or walk club.

Because if you want to bring your kid because they're parents, they're gonna bring their kid, they're gonna ride their.

Those kids are gonna ride their bike.

We're gonna connect.

We can do one or two laps around that whole Garam Mountain with our children.

They can be riding their bike or whatever it is.

But it's a great way to get parents active.

Right.

I am building my movement, my community, my business around the fitness and just getting parents, getting people getting women more active and more out there, whether it's gym or out or what consistency.

So I'm going to be posting that.

So I definitely will tag LA parental exchange and put some days on a calendar that we're going to be out there no matter what and just get parents out moving and spending time and making memories with their kids.

I look forward to that.

That's a really good idea because that's really, really like I one I know parents would love that because I know that going to Gary Mountain, I see a bunch of parents on their own, walking with their kids, strollers, their, their bikes, all that, so that's, that's, that's going to be a real fun, fun thing to look forward to.

I would love that.

Stay tuned for that.

It will be mostly, it'll be like on a weekend basis.

That way parents can do things with their kids.

They can be off and also just have an hour for themselves or more where they're like, you know what, they're doing it.

I'm gonna go link up with them and, and I'm gonna link up with them and it's gonna be.

It could be a very consistent thing for all.

The weather is nice and I would like to throw this out there.

There's other parks that I would like to go to because there's less cars driving by some and, and some of those, like Gotho Road.

Gaffer Road is a really good place to run.

It's like a very leveled walk.

Walk way.

Gar Mountain is pretty, pretty advanced.

Level three.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's why I said run club, because I think that that would be more appropriate if we get some parents that are like, that want to like leave their kids with the grandparents or, or, or someone and come have a run.

Day with us, make some time for themselves.

Yeah.

And then, I mean, it could be.

Parent only parenting kid.

And we do different parks for depending the, the crowd.

But we'll work through it and keep you guys in the loop.

Yeah, that'll be our first way to connect.

And with the weather getting nicer and, and us revolving around the parental world and supporting our parents is both in the space of connection and vibing out with y' all and having these deeper conversations.

But also, let's tap into that physical too.

Yeah, let's get right.

Let's get right.

Great episode today, babe.

It was deep.

We got, we got, we got deep.

Yeah.

We hope you guys enjoyed it as much as we liked recording it today.

And engage with us.

Talk to us.

Talk comment, you know, let us know what you like about the show so far, what you look forward to hear more of.

And, and we will have guests.

We do have guests lined up, so pay attention to that because we have some great guests in mind that we want to have on the show.

When we start doing those guest appearances, we will have a ball.

We're just dependent.

We're kind of like getting the logistics.

We're getting the logistics of if we're doing zoom calls or not.

But that's.

That's another thing to look forward to.

Even outside conversations in groups and group settings.

That's.

That, that's something I wanted to, like, create.

Yeah.

With.

With some of the guests we want to get.

So.

Yeah, yeah, we get it.

We will be checking y' all out when it comes to that.

When we start doing collabs and having people actually sit down with us and having our guests, whether it's zoom or changing the scenery a little bit as well.

So just watch.

Be on the lookout for that.

But share again what Chico said.

Share your thoughts on the episode.

Like, talk back to us.

Yo, I felt that.

Yo, Nick, you are not alone, sis.

During that period, that was what I felt.

And here's exactly how that worked out for me in the end.

You know, we want to hear from y' all as much as we're connecting and having insight on things we may not have touched upon over the course of the few years.

We are now doing it here live recorded for you, and we want y' all to tune in with us.

So thanks for tuning in.

Let's get it.