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Welcome to Parents Night out with no New Friends.

The comedy break every parent deserves.

This is the podcast where parenting meets pure unfiltered fun.

Real raw hilarity.

It's your night out without the kids, where nothing is off limits.

And we say what everybody else is thinking.

Whether you're a parent or just need a good laugh.

We've got the adult humor you crave.

So kick back, relax and get ready to let loose with us.

This is Parents Night out with no New Friends.

Tuck your kids into bed.

Pay the babysitter little bit extra.

It's time for Parents Night out with no New Friends.

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No new friends.

Podcast.com.

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We are always streaming live on the YouTube every single Wednesday night, 8pm Eastern Standard Time.

So you can see us as we're recording this thing live.

It's a lot of fun.

It's totally raw, unedited.

You get to hear things that don't even make cutting room floor.

Sometimes it's bad.

So check it out.

My name is Scott.

I am the host.

With me as always, the scumbag reselling hoarder himself.

Chris.

Did you just call me a racial slur?

Our emotional support, Gay Nick.

It's a me.

Your favorite gay dad, The Jewish American princess.

Sarah is off, so sitting in for her is thewiseman.

Darren.com.

Howdy.

And our producer, Alex.

Who do you think you are?

I am.

Did I say we were Wednesdays?

I said Mondays, right?

Is that every single Monday?

Remy's calling me out in chat.

I definitely said every single Monday.

I blacked out.

It's fine.

It's fine.

Yeah.

I don't listen to you.

We stopped listening.

Do you know what else blacked out my Netflix service during the Tyson Paul fight.

I thought you were going to talk about just your entire Internet right now because both you and Darren are very.

Lagging on the potatoes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Still have better Internet connection and video quality than the Tyson Paul fight.

Yeah, My.

My Internet got stuck when Mike Tyson's ass was on the screen.

I messed up.

I had to.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Like 70 or something.

He's up there.

58.

Yeah, he's up there.

He's up there.

Yeah.

Moves like a 70 year old.

He does, he does.

Now, not only did, like the entire world experience these problems on Netflix with, with the buffering, the constant buffering, I had to switch back and forth between my 85 inch and my cell phone because my cell phone was working my 85 inch.

I kept having to turn it off.

Like, I fought my television harder than Tyson and Paul fought.

Ridiculous.

How long did it take you to come up with that one?

I saw it on a meme, Chris.

But.

But at one point, Netflix tried to gaslight me into thinking that it was my fault.

Like, it's like your Internet connection seems to be unstable.

Would you like to troubleshoot?

And I'm like, no, motherfuckers, this is on you.

Like, everything else is just fine.

I'm yelling at my television.

Yeah.

I was on the phone with Scott and he's like restarting his router to try to.

And I'm like, scott, they're.

They're gaslighting you, bro.

After like 45 minutes, he.

He realized he just needs to pay for the higher speed Internet.

It wasn't the Internet.

We're.

We're paying for 6G.

I don't know what else to do.

We're getting scammed.

There's no such thing.

Who's selling you 6G?

I.

I don't know.

The guy with the box that sold me the stuff.

Anyway.

With the box.

Who sold you the stuff?

Yeah, he seemed trustworthy.

He was also selling watches.

Chris, how is the little one?

How's the little one?

The little one's doing great, but the other little one.

Yeah.

So.

Wow.

Anyway, so mentally, we are about as fragile as Mike Tyson's left hook tonight because today marks two weeks until Emily goes back to work.

So we are scrambling.

And by we, I am scrambling to figure out how to parent.

Right.

So I'm going to.

I start.

I started observing, like, I started like doing field work.

So, like, he's auditing parenting.

Yeah.

I've been shadowing, I've been shadowing Emily to see, to see how to parent.

I.

Learning how to change a diaper.

Yeah.

That.

I.

How often to feed.

Learning how to change the diaper.

All he does, he just texts his mom and like.

Spoiler alert.

Babies eat more than three meals a day.

Like, they're not like, constantly eat.

Yeah.

Like, I skip breakfast.

I eat lunch and dinner, but the baby can't do.

Chris, there is not a meal that you've skipped in the last theory.

In theory, I would like to skip breakfast and then just do.

In fact.

In fact, it'd be interesting to see who eats more, Ellie or you throughout the day, like, how many meals.

Oh, this could be a fun game.

That'd be tough, actually.

Yeah, that's like a count.

I'd have to count that up for sure.

I snack a lot.

I do snack.

So, yeah, so I, like I said, I, I, I, we talked about last week, I'm not a helicopter parent.

Well, I am helicopter husbanding right now.

So I can just observe everything that Emily does and try to replicate it to the best of my ability.

My best form of parenting.

I, I've learned when Emily's on her, supposed to call my mom and say that, like, ellie misses you.

Come on over.

And she's there.

She lives 15 minutes away.

She's here in three minutes.

I don't know how she does it.

So, yeah, so that's gonna be really interesting.

Really weird transition.

I feel bad for Emily because that's gonna be a really weird transition being away from me, you know, and the baby too, probably.

But for me now, it's like, I, I feel like Mandalorian, End of, end of episode one, season one.

When he finds Grogu, I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm a dad now, Right?

So I, I, so I have to do the whole thing when I'm gonna actually recreate it.

When Emily leaves, I'm going to pretend that I found it for the first time, reach my finger to her, and then you have, like, some western whistles below, and then we'll just go out on adventures to Walmart instead of, like, tattooing, which is kind of the same thing.

Especially Baron, especially Moss Eisley.

The most outer rim, just a wasteland.

Of villainous scum in the galaxy.

Job of the hut's just laying in the parking lot.

That's just Tammy Lee from Polk County.

Tammy Lee Miller.

Oh, it's Abby Lee Miller.

Yeah, yeah, that's her cousin.

Anyway, so I'm really excited to.

For content, purely for content to see how that goes.

I'm not excited.

I mean, that's messed up.

I am excited if Emily's listening.

If she's not listening now.

It's scary, man.

It's scary.

That's not scary.

My mom's gonna be here every single day.

Yeah, but listen, the, the, the 10 minutes she's not here in the morning when I have to, like, make sure that, you know, everything's going well, that's gonna be terrifying.

Like, when Emily leaves for work.

That buffer.

You're just gonna leave her in the crib?

Oh, I didn't hear her.

Hey, Just turn off the baby monitor.

Yeah, she just wanted to sleep.

Make sure she's safe.

You make sure she's safe.

I've definitely done that when Darren was a baby and turned off that monitor, and my mom took care of it.

You know what I'm not looking forward to is Emily spying on me.

Because I know that's going to happen, because we were spying on her mom when we went out to dinner, and I forgot.

Her mom listens to this, so that's going to be interesting.

We weren't spying maliciously.

Like, we weren't spying maliciously.

You dismissed the baby that much?

Yeah, exactly.

Checking.

We see motion detected in the crib.

We got to check it out.

You know, we got to check it out.

Was it in the middle of Hamilton?

I don't know.

Who am I to say?

But.

But, yeah, so we checked in.

So I'm not looking forward to that.

I might just unplug the router when she's gone.

Although then I won't be able to chat GPT how to raise a baby.

So maybe.

Maybe I.

Maybe I won't do that.

Just point the camera in a different direction.

It's the.

It's the baby.

It's the.

The crib monitor on most.

Because what's going to happen.

I know what's going to happen is we have an app, and it tells you when to put the baby down for a nap.

Right.

I know.

Hold on.

You have an app that tells you when to put the baby down for a nap?

Yes.

Really?

For me to tell when I.

No, because it's like.

It's this thing, and you.

You log all the sleep, and you log all the meals, and you log all the poops.

Because we have to log the poops.

We don't log the peas.

Because we have to do that for Piper, too.

Yeah, it's a.

It's a.

It's a.

Have you used the poop logging screen yet?

I.

I'm gonna have to ask Emily how to use that because.

Because I have not yet reached that screen.

I have not passed the.

That level.

So I know that, like, she's gonna get a notification to her phone, be like, hey, you know, nap time's coming up, and then nap time's gonna pass.

Because, like, we're hanging out, playing, and then she's gonna text me, like, why isn't the baby in bed?

Type Thing.

Yeah.

So that's what I'm nervous about.

Mostly I'm more scared about having to deal with her momming from afar.

And so it's going to be weird.

It's going to be weird, but it's going to be fun.

So.

Okay, why don't you.

Okay.

Little life hack for you.

Yeah.

When.

When the baby's sleeping, get a picture of her.

Okay.

And then when it's nap time, put the picture down on the bed.

Emily.

I love that idea.

Get a couple pictures so, like, if she, like in different positions so like, you can change it up and Emily won't catch on us.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So the would be a great idea other than the fact that she wears a sleep band that measures her breathing.

So when Emily gets the red alert at work because it's a photo of her in the crib and she calls me saying, why has she been in there for a half hour with the red alert going off?

Probably not the.

The best.

The best thing.

So.

But now I guess.

I guess what I can do is.

But we're not helicopter parents with an app telling you what time it goes to sleep.

The brazing bracelet.

Listen, listen.

That's why I'm not a helicopter parent.

Because of.

Because of that.

Because the app does it for you.

If.

If I did not have that slee thing, I wouldn't be able to sleep myself.

I would need sleep medication.

What's the name of this app?

Oh, Huckleberry.

Is that the name of a helicopter?

I think Kobe was in that one.

That would be this one.

This one performs a little better.

This one performs a little better.

Okay.

Yeah.

But yeah, so it's gonna be.

It's gonna be fun.

I think this is when I have to start my tick tock career, though, because that's.

I see all the single dads and stay at home dads start their tick tock careers with their.

There's a ton of them just live streams all day long.

And I'm like, yeah, I feel like I have to do that.

There's one guy that's like, oh, I have six kids.

And I'm like, how.

How do you have six kids?

How's your house that clean?

And you're talking right now because you're.

Paying for their maid service.

That's true.

So, yeah.

So if you guys any.

Any suggestions on what I should do with my baby?

For anybody listening at home, send them in.

I'll do it.

Anything.

Literally.

I thought you were talking about suggestions for the Tik Tok.

Yes, for.

Yes for The TikTok.

So what draws my attention to the tik.

To these shirtless guys.

So.

Oh, the shirtless guys.

They're always getting galaxies.

Like, you didn't have to do anything.

Do you know Jabba the Hutt and Crumb from the movie?

Just.

That'd be me.

And then Ellie with the, like, with the crazy hair would just be the little salacious.

Be Crumb.

Actually, that's not a bad idea.

There you go.

They're smoking a hookah and just have her there right there.

Not.

Not there there.

She needs to be like 60ft away from the hookah.

I just do like a visual effects hookah.

I was probably a filter on TikTok.

A hook.

Yeah, actually paint myself green.

Is green face racist?

Not yet.

Not yet.

You're allowed to do it for Wicked right now.

Oh, that's right.

It's trendy.

It's trendy, it's trending.

Oh, there you go.

You paint your face green.

Yeah.

You get her in all pink.

You could be Elphaba and Glenda.

Perfect, Perfect.

But it would have be like Elphaba.

Obese Elphaba.

Correct.

That's the whole.

That's the switch version.

It's okay.

This HOFA cannot defy gravity.

Defines gravity.

A lot of good ideas.

We'll.

We'll.

Once I.

Once I make it guys, we'll.

I'll bring you guys all along.

You guys can make a cameo on my Star wars cosplay.

Nick can be slave.

Leia.

I.

Is that racist too?

Actually, now that you think of it, probably a little bit.

We'll just call her captured.

Leia.

I have to.

I have to work on my.

Employed for free by the man Leia.

Yes.

There we servant.

Indentured servant.

So I have to work on my synonyms for slavery because on the Disneyverse podcast, we're doing the history on Song of the South.

So just like Disney romanticized slavery in that movie, we're gonna have to be creative as well.

Yeah.

So send your suggestions in, everybody.

I'm sure they'll be coming in very quickly.

That's what she said.

So at one point you said, you know, this will hopefully pay for your cleaners.

It's not really what you said, but that's what I'm gonna say.

Yeah.

Yeah, I did imagine it.

It was a dream of mine.

Yeah.

Darren and I had a really exciting day today.

We needed to get the carpets cleaned and the tiles and all that.

And I'm thinking that this is going to be a four hour job.

Sit around and chill.

Darren And I were downstairs on the patio from 11am until 6:30pm while they're.

Wow.

Yeah.

Did you check to see if you still had all your belongings?

They were.

I can't even make that joke.

Never mind.

The belongings are fine.

They were allowed in my neighborhood.

I don't.

I don't know what to say.

But, yeah.

So that was awful because we literally, like.

I pretty much chain smoked three packs of cigarettes, just sitting outside waiting for them to be done.

And how's this different from any other day?

You're not wrong, Nick.

You're not wrong.

I just got diagnosed with lung cancer.

But, you know, it's.

I make myself available on Mondays for different vendors to come up, but this.

You have vendors in your house?

Like the cleaners, the milkman, the newspaper boy.

Yes, the cleaners, the floor cleaners, the handyman.

We don't do anything ourselves here.

Like, we.

We don't hang pictures or fix things.

We.

We hire people to do it.

So I.

Someone has to be here.

And that's what you have kids for.

Well, do you think I do that right?

These hands?

No.

So someone's got to be here.

And.

And Rachel works a regular Monday through Friday job, so guess who gets stuck sitting here all day with the vendors?

This who Sound horrible.

It was awful.

It was awful.

I.

I've never been so happy to go inside.

I felt like.

I.

I don't know.

I felt like an endangered servant in indenture.

Wait, indentured servant?

Thank you.

Not an endangered servant.

Indentured.

What's the word?

Why, indentured.

Indentured?

Yeah.

Like indentured.

Yeah.

With your health, maybe it is endangered.

But I felt like one of those.

I couldn't come inside.

I'm like, please, sir, one of those.

No, the indentured.

Stop.

The indentured.

Oh, I get it.

Yeah.

The indentured servants.

I felt like them because I couldn't come inside to get some water because the guy kept yelling at me.

He's like, I'm about to spray down this room.

You got to stay outside.

And I'm like, jesus, man.

Like, I'm sorry.

Like, you get out of your house.

And meanwhile, Oreo's like, rolling in it.

Yeah, yeah.

The cat comes downstairs, doors wide open, and he's just all over the place, rolling around, vomiting.

Right on the.

The brand new, clean, fresh, clean carpet.

Yeah.

Then the guy accidentally backs into the urn of the other cat.

That cat's all over the place now.

It's like another thing.

That's right.

Oh, my God.

I'M laughing, Chris, because it's true.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Ashes were accidentally spread today.

That was yesterday.

Got delivered.

So.

But.

But has that ever happened to you guys where you just, you know, does Emily ever, like, hey, Chris, I'm gonna have this person come over today, and you're stuck with it all day and you have to make decisions.

I had to call Rachel 15 times, like, hey, did you want this room done?

Do you want the extra gloss put on there?

The sealant?

Yeah, there's a couple things.

There's a couple things.

One is because I don't like to leave Emily home alone when people come over.

I just think it's because that's the time that she'll end up on a true crime podcast.

Right.

And I don't know why I feel like I would be the deciding factor against the murderer, but, like, I feel I'd feel way better if I went down swinging.

You know what I mean?

I think that's the fantasy in my mind.

Like, it's like, yeah, I will definite permanently eliminate a person that's trying to harm us when I know that I have a gimp leg.

Yeah.

And it's funny.

But involve you going down?

Most of them.

Most of them, yeah.

There's a few others, so we'll get to later.

But, yeah, so that's really the main reasons why I'm the one stuck at home, because I.

I have this just.

I'm in a mental jail cell of true crime.

Like, whenever.

Even this is unrelated, but even when I leave the house.

But a true story.

When I leave the house, I put the bar in the back door and I lock the front door.

If I'm just like, running to Wawa to get something to eat in Emily's home because I'm like, if I don't lock the door, that's the, like, the podcast I listen to you last week was like, man, I wish I would have locked that door.

My wife would have still been around.

So it's just.

So it's.

Yeah, yeah, I live in hell.

See, if my wife is home and someone, a vendor is coming, like, I can't leave them alone because there will be a true crime series.

But it's like, if I wouldn't have left my life, my wife alone with the vendor, the vendor would not have died.

So I'm trying to avoid my wife going to jail for murder, you know, oh, you put the filter in wrong.

Can't have that happen.

Do you.

Do you guys ever get yelled at for, like, okay, let Me give you an example.

So Rachel will leave the.

We've got a heater outside because it's getting a little bit cold.

We've got a heater outside, and she'll leave it on.

And I don't say anything.

I just turn it off.

You know, when I notice it, do.

You have a heater just, like, sitting under your front lawn?

Like, what's on the back patio?

On the back patio.

It gets a little bit cool out there.

So she'll leave it on.

No harm, no foul.

I'll turn it off.

I leave it on.

I get 14 text messages and a phone call reminding me that I left it on.

Yeah, it would have taken a lot less time for just click the off button.

Right?

Correct, correct.

And, and, you know, if you would have left it on or if she would have left it on and you would have said something, she would have yelled at you for saying something and be like, why didn't you just turn it off for me?

Thousand percent.

Thousand percent.

Does that happen to you guys at all?

Yes.

No.

Oh, yes.

I, I, I've left stuff on before, and, but it's usually Sean that leaves the oven on all the time, and he.

Oh, that's actually dangerous.

Yeah, actually dangerous.

He doesn't seem to care about it.

And it's not like he's making cookies or anything.

Like, if you're baking cookies, like, as long as the cookies aren't burnt, just keep them coming.

But he leaves it on all the time.

He, I mean, he also forgets to pull the zipper up every day.

It's a constant reminder.

It's literally something that we got in a fight about our very, like, after, like, a month of dating.

I'm like, why is your zipper down?

What have you been doing?

It's just because he forgets, so.

Right.

Yeah.

You just have to get a closer look.

Is there glitter there?

No.

Okay, you're good.

If there is glitter, then, hey, just, you know.

Did you have a good time?

Exactly.

At least, at least let me know if you had a good time and invite me next time.

Videotape it at least or something.

Yeah, I mean, we, we argue about it all the time of leaving stuff, but if I do it, it's, it's.

There's nothing wrong because I'm an angel.

Of course.

Of course.

I'm a, I'm a princess.

Yeah.

To Nick.

You, you, you had a big week this week.

I don't even remember what happened.

That's why I'm so exhausted right now.

This weekend was a whirlwind so on Friday.

Well, last week, I talked about our cheer competition.

So we had our cheer competition yesterday.

So leading up to the chair competition, we did three practices last week.

So imagine three hours of practicing the same dance and cheer routine with first and second graders.

Um, and then on top of that, we decided after Friday night, we went to the coach, one of the coach's house, and the three of us coaches just got together, had a fun time chatting about the season party and stuff.

We had lots to drink.

Oh, yeah, we.

We had some booze and let the kids run around.

But Saturday we had Piper's birthday party.

Oh.

So what was the scene?

So she just turned seven.

This was literally a last minute planning birthday party.

We started talking about a couple months.

Ago, but she wasn't gonna turn seven.

And she all of a sudden was.

Going.

I feel like someone.

I feel like someone missed an episode one time because they're like, oh, I forgot.

It was so and so's birthday party today.

What?

Yeah, we kind of.

We've been busy and we've also.

It's hard with Sean's work schedule to try to plan anything, so we're kind of waiting on his schedules.

We planned it last minute.

We decided to do a party at the house this year.

She really wanted a party at a trampoline park.

And I.

I love a good trampoline park, but not on a Saturday afternoon.

You love a good tramp?

I love a good tramp.

Hey, Chris.

How you doing?

Better now.

We.

So we.

She wanted to do a trampoline park.

We unfortunately didn't get anything planned in time last minute.

But those things are expensive.

Have you ever, like, when we were kids, we had birthday parties at McDonald's.

We talked about this on a previous episode.

Did those cost anything?

Like for the sheet cake, maybe $7?

I don't know.

Well, and the food and the space.

Yeah.

You don't realize these things add up.

These.

These destination birthday parties add up.

Darren had one at the bowling alley.

It was like 200 per person, and all he got was like a bowling pin.

That's a theater kid birthday party, Darren.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That sounds normal.

I hold that with a badge of pride.

Yeah, we looked in the trampoline park.

It was gonna be expensive.

She.

We asked her who she wanted to invite because she's got friends at school.

We're like, I didn't know if you want to invite any friends.

She's like, I want to invite the cheer team.

Not just the whole one person from the cheerleading team.

The Entire cheer team.

Oh, so we have 20.

And that's when they actually wanted to practice.

And they kept doing the cheer over and over and over and over again.

That's when they did really good.

Was the best they were behaved was at the party.

So we had like 20 kids in our house.

It was a handful of screaming, yelling, dancing, but she had a really good time.

We needed more drugs and more alcohol.

Well, in Florida we'd be worried.

Did any of them leave your house gay?

Oh, did they come home mutilated?

Yeah.

Let me check the post party survey.

No, they're all straight.

They're still straight.

All right, good, good.

Yeah, update.

We don't turn.

We don't turn the gates gay.

So the theme this year was mermaid.

Ooh, just mermaid one mermaid.

Just mermaid.

She was the mermaid.

That's it.

Deal with it.

Last year we did little mermaid themes.

So she was trying.

She's just mermaid because she grew up.

This year was just mermaids.

I like that.

Yeah, she's obsessed with mermaids.

She loves to swim.

We got her for different reasons.

Clearly.

Same age though.

Yeah, little, little years old.

Adult mermaid.

Chris.

Adult mermaid.

Okay, I think Ariel was 12.

But, but stop.

We.

So we got her a bunch of mermaid stuff.

I got her this cute little mermaid tail that she can wear in the hot tub.

So she wore it that night and had a fun time with that.

She's.

She's literally like a unicorn and a mermaid combined.

It's a good combo.

Yeah, that's a great combo.

So she loves all things rainbow and all that.

So it was, it was a fun time.

We had a good birthday party.

And then Sunday was a cheerleading competition.

Oh, big day.

So Sunday was her actual birthday, which was awesome for her to do the share living competition on her birthday.

So the competition this time was actually hosted at our own school.

So our district put it on.

I had to help with it.

So I was there from 9:00am till 5:00 yesterday.

Oh my gosh.

And he loved every minute of it.

No, but there was some drama.

No, shocker.

Parents and drama.

We'll talk about that in a second too.

So the competition.

So our competition we held had three different, or actually four different age groups.

So there was our age group which was first and second grade, the minis.

Then there's the juniors which are third and fourth graders.

And then there's the seniors which are fifth and sixth graders.

And then there was the middle school team which is seventh and eighth graders.

So we had four different great age groups, divisions performing in this.

There was eight mini teams again.

Guess what place we got?

Eighth.

Seventh.

We got eighth.

We got eighth, guys.

Lucky number.

Congratulations.

Yeah.

Hey, you're consistent.

We're staying consistent.

We got eight place last week.

The girls.

Some of the girls were crying on her team.

Piper was really.

She was like.

She was like, if we lost, that's great.

We.

We still won.

She just kept saying, we still won.

I love that.

So one girl on our team was like, well, at least we didn't get 10th place.

So.

And the other kid was like, well, maybe if we had a woman coaching us, we'd be okay.

Maybe we need.

Maybe we need another woman coach.

Not the gay guy.

They keep.

They keep having us just throw confetti up.

Can't we learn some dance moves?

I know we were doing.

We're doing, like, I've seen Bring It On a million times.

I was literally ready to bring it.

On.

Our middle school team.

Or actually, no, it's our senior team.

They came out and did, Brr, It's Cold in Hair.

And I have never been so much happier in my life to hear that chant.

I wanted to do it.

Nick is using Bringing it on as a how to video.

The.

Yeah, the competition portion.

Not the sexually explicit portion that they had on that movie.

Wait, there's a.

I don't remember Sexual exploitation or Explicit City.

The one guy went to lift a girl up in the air with just one hand.

Yeah.

And a couple digits sliding, if you know what I mean.

I mean, if you don't watch that.

Movie, go rewatch the movie.

I may have to rewatch that movie.

Yeah, I'm gonna pull it up right now.

So I helped out our competition.

We did our portion.

I helped out.

I helped out afterwards with the other ones.

We had some drama with the senior team.

Not only senior team.

It was all of the coaches in the senior division.

Apparently, they're mad at our division because our league because apparently we do the competition mats in a certain size that is not standard size.

Apparently, it's a different kind of competition size.

I don't know.

But they weren't happy that we didn't have enough mats out for them.

So there was literally an almost boycott before the competition.

Stop it.

I'm like, really?

Like, we have kids here already dressed up, ready to go.

And they were literally threatening our league to just say, like, we're just going to stand out there and stand into our chairs and not perform because we.

Didn'T have enough mats.

It's fifth and sixth graders.

Like, I'm coaching first and second graders.

What kind of drama am I getting ready for in the next four years?

Because these people are.

Some of them are very outrageously excited and eager, which I get.

They want their kid to win, but they signed up knowing the size of our competition mats and it's not the first year, I guess.

So apparently they're size queens.

My wife knew the size of my competition, Matt, and she signed on.

So I sign on.

You're in.

Still don't get it.

R.P.

rachel.

Yeah, it's so.

It's been a busy week.

It was our last competition, our last cheerleading.

We have our cheer party this Sunday and I am done with cheer season.

I am so freaking excited that it's over.

Nice.

All right, you guys want to check in and see what's going on with Giles Garmin?

Yeah, sure.

And now it's time for the more you know.

And here's your host, Giles.

Hello there.

Gianlus Garmin here.

And I have somebody here that wants to give a very special shout out.

My best friend, my brother, Mr.

Chase.

I also want to let you know episode of into the Disney verse, you can check out a very special Thanksgiving episode.

Dive into the world of Disney in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

I haven't seen something as inflated as one of those balloons since I saw the ego of a former home host of the no New Friends podcast.

Interestingly, the tradition of Disney in the Macy's Day parade started back during the Great Depression.

When Scott heard about the Great Depression, he said, just try to be happier.

When Dane heard about the Great Depression, he made a soundboard that he ended up using far too often that included many people crying.

And when Remy heard about the Great Depression, he said, I used to come.

Here when I was little.

That's my old elementary school.

Well, it's dark, but now it's a prison.

As a reminder, new episodes of into the Disney Verse drop on all podcasting platforms every Monday.

As a reminder, that's Disneyverse.

D I Z.

Anyway.

V E R S E.

And that's all for me.

Giles Garman.

Remy quotes out of context might be my new favorite sound.

We should start a segment.

Remy quotes out of context.

But now it's a prison.

I don't think anybody knew the direction that was going.

But we never know the direction that never.

That's okay.

No, never.

Darren, what's new in your world?

Well, I just booked a four year long cruise.

Departs in January.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

Through Sandpiper vacations though, because I know obviously I have Loyalty.

Are you afraid of losing your rights, too?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

Well, your body, my choice.

So, in other news, the Onion has bought infowars, or you know, that.

You know.

So I've been following this story very closely.

Does not shock me at all.

I have never watched as much live Alex Jones broadcast as I have this week.

This was, like, the most exciting story of the week for me.

I kept getting retweets on.

On Twitter of Alex Jones going, all right, I've just got news that the feds are on the way to my compound.

I will be here until they turn off the power.

Stay tuned.

And then they had Steve Bannon talking for, like, six hours.

I thought he died, by the way.

They had Steve Bannon talking.

He talk about Job of the Hut.

He looks like Jabba the Hut with hair.

Anyway, so the Onion tried to buy infowars.

And the quote that I saw, the reason why is because the owner of the Onion literally said, and I quote, why did you.

Why did you try to buy the Onion?

Or, why are you buying the Onion?

He said, because it would literally be the funniest thing ever.

And that was.

That was his reasoning.

Unfortunately, the court rejected the sale, and now Twitter is no longer fun anymore.

That was probably, like, the greatest three days ever of Twitter, of just Alex Jones going on tirades, creating burn accounts.

But now.

Now it's boring again.

Why was the sale blocked?

I don't know.

I honestly, to be completely honest, I didn't care enough to look because I thought, like, everything was so funny until that happened, that now I'm just rewatching videos of Joe Biden walking into the Amazon rainforest, which is the newest trending video.

But, okay, seriously, I have made some really dumb purchases in my days.

Like, where were they to stop that sale?

They're like, oh, yeah, he'll be fine.

But then a sale that actually makes sense, they block it.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think that.

I think that what this proves, that you can lie about mass murders and destroy the lives of the victims and not have any repercussions.

I think, yeah, that's what the lesson is here.

Well, listen, the bar is set so low, you can do just about anything.

You can be charged with sexual assault, interfering with elections, and you, too, can be president.

So Alex Jones might be the front runner.

He may be.

He probably will be the front runner of the.

He's probably gonna be in the cabinet.

Say that again.

Is he in the cabinet already?

Probably.

I feel like everybody's in the Cabinet.

Yeah, everybody's in the cabinet.

I was asked.

I was in the closet at one point, but that's another story.

Yeah, I was.

I made the Casey Anthony joke last week, didn't I?

You made it today, too.

Well, Casey Anthony is in charge of the Department of Children and Families.

Oh, that was good.

Oh, I made that joke on creators.

God damn it.

I didn't make that joke on here.

I made it on Creators United.

Cut all that.

Yeah, yeah, cut all of that.

Yeah, I heard Casey Anthony is going to be like the head of the Department of Children and Families.

You got to enter Chris's better laugh.

We have a new default laugh when nobody laughs at something.

I've got a bunch of laughs stored up just in case I make a joke that I think is really good and you guys don't laugh.

I just insert the laugh.

Okay, so all of my jokes, that's all I do.

That's why it takes me so long to edit.

I've got to put the laugh track in.

I miss Sarah.

So.

So what else is going on, guys?

Nothing.

That's about it.

I'm sick.

I actually am headed on another trip.

Surprise.

It's a shocker.

This is.

Who's getting the shocker?

I don't know.

We should find out.

So I am headed on my very last trip of 2024 and I'm very sad.

I head down to Miami in two days to go on virgin voyages again.

So I got invited by Virgin to go on a special travel agent cruise to nowhere.

I wish I was invited by a virgin.

That's the first time Nick was invited anywhere by a virgin.

My goal is to take everybody's virginity.

Virgin.

Virgin cruise is what it meant.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

So I'm.

I'm really excited.

I actually am taking one of my agents with me.

Maddie.

Who?

Agent.

Oh, agent.

This was the 1940s.

I just.

I just claim certain races sometimes.

I am taking Maddie.

I'm super excited.

Her and I are sharing a cabin and going on a two day cruise.

It's the first time that we've actually met in person, but we have been basically best friends for over a year now.

We met through the Nizzas podcast.

She became one of my travel advisors and it's not working for me full time.

What if she tries to, like, wear your face as a skin suit?

Oh, that's a good question.

Very good question.

I think I have travel insurance, so I guess always get the travel insurance.

You never know.

Yeah, that's.

That's about it.

Right now.

I'm Slowing down finally.

So I'm excited to get a break from cheerleading, a break from being out four nights a week with practices and all that.

So nice smooth sailing.

Trying to figure out Thanksgiving.

Trying to decide if I go to see the family for Thanksgiving next week or just ignore them for the next four years.

Well, now you can't pass down a.

You can't pass down a free meal.

That's my rule of thumb whenever there's a free meal involved.

I mean, that's my rule of very large thumb these days.

But I.

That's my.

It doesn't matter who invites me over.

If you're giving me free food, I have to go.

Like it's.

Especially with the cost of formula.

Nick, I will tell you, if you do want to go, I know you and Chris have the same car.

Get your car checked out.

Because the last time he really wanted to do something, his car broke down and I just don't want you to miss it.

Thank you.

That's very.

It's very kind.

There are some battery calls right now.

Yeah, there are some battery.

I.

I saw that.

I saw that.

You guys ready to play Jersey Man?

Florida Man?

Yes.

In a truck.

These states are filled with people who suck.

So it's time for us to play.

New Jersey man versus Florence.

Every week, game master Ryan brings us two news stories.

One is from Jersey, one is from Florida.

It is up to us to determine which one is which.

Take it away, Ryan.

This is Ryan, your in the field news reporter for the Parents Night out news team.

And I'm reporting live from a house in New Jersey where a so called man says his house is infested by fleas.

By the look of the man's hair, nobody is surprised by this at all.

But we are all certain that he does not have a tapeworm.

Judging by the pure fact that he is wider than he is tall, looks like his entire day diet consists of hot pockets.

The same man is also reporting that he found a black widow spider in his yard.

Well, turns out Scott is an expert on spiders and told me how to identify a black widow spider.

He says typically their credit score is below 100.

Wow.

Though Scott doesn't have to worry about black widow spiders because in his neighborhood only the white widow spiders are allowed past the gate.

The Tyson Paul fight just happened and people are reporting that it was overhyped and under delivered.

I haven't heard something so underd delivered than when the guy in the intro of this podcast said real raw hilarity.

Sarah, what is your thoughts on the marijuana bill in Florida failing.

Alright, speaking of Florida, the bill was passed that now you can hunt any wildlife in Florida.

Be prey or a predator.

Well, if you can hunt predators, Scott, you may want to lay low for a couple weeks at least.

You're out of season.

You might end up stuffed and mounted on somebody's mantle.

Speaking of somebody who's been mounted and stuffed, we're also getting reports that a gay cheerleading coach in Ohio finished in eighth place out of eight in their first competition condition.

But it's okay to finish last.

Scott wouldn't know about this as he always comes first.

Well, the coach is saying that this may have happened because he forgot his lucky facial glitter.

I know Sean used to be able to out of his penis.

I had no idea that thing could shoot glitter now.

Anyways, let's get into this week's Florida Manor, Jersey man.

And for our first story, a woman is arrested for abusing a disabled adult.

And for our second story, a man is hit and killed by a police car.

No.

Okay, Darren, what are your thoughts?

Well, police brutality and elder abuse are two things very well known in Florida.

But I'm going to go with the hit with a car.

New Jersey.

All right.

Nick.

Yeah, I feel like people drive fast in Jersey and the cops just probably spin around like crazy too and don't give a fuck.

So cops, Jersey.

Chris, you say elder abuse.

New Jersey.

Our governor did that during COVID so I'm pretty sure it's just law of the land here.

Now I'm going with elder abuse.

Florida.

Because our elders per capita is a lot higher.

It's a high percentage pick.

Yeah, so I'm going cop.

New Jersey.

All right, let's find out the answer.

So our first story is from Florida where a central Florida woman who worked for a company that's supposed to help disabled people was arrested for abusing a man with cerebral pals.

A witness reported seeing the woman push the victim in a doorway and repeatedly kicked him.

The man's gonna be fine.

Yet Sean keeps asking me for the man's number so he could put, quote, glitter on his face.

So that means our second story is from New Jersey where a 51 year old man died when he was fatally struck by a vehicle being driven by a law enforcement officer while he walked near the police station.

We killed him like a dog.

Chris.

Chris, why would you make such an insensitive joke knowing Scott's in a fragile state right now.

I mean, I waited literally least three days when his cat died before I started joking about it.

And in other news, in Germany, a celebrity is caught speeding on a speed camera.

What celebrity was it?

Cookie Monster?

Cookie.

Sorry, that was just Chris's audio.

I couldn't find audio.

Authorities are also saying you do not want to know what Burton Ernie Raw doing in their car.

That's all for me this week, guys.

Back to you, you.

Thank you so much, Ryan.

That was good.

Yeah.

So, you know, we joked about it a little bit last week, but, you know, we did have to put my dog down.

Honestly, like, I'm struggling with it.

Like, it's been rough.

It's been really rough.

And you know, I make jokes to kind of.

We're all thinking.

If you would have just said it's really rough, that one's good.

But you know what?

One thing that I'm thankful, the biggest fear that I had with putting an animal down, because I've lost pets before, but this one, we had to make the decision, you should have chipped them.

So you lose your pets often.

You should have chipped them.

I know you thought of the golf ball idea, but you can actually chip your pets.

You're right, Chris.

I'll get right on that.

But I didn't.

You know, I never knew how I was going to explain to my youngest or any of my kids, like, okay, make sure you say goodbye to this animal because we're going to be putting it down.

Or you know, how do I explain to, you know, a young child, like if they ask, well, how do you know that this is the last time I'm gonna see it?

You know, like Abby's 12.

I.

No, no, no, I know, but that was my biggest fear is that it would have happened before she was at the age where like, she understood.

So thankfully, like the dogs held off long enough so that I didn't have to parent and I could just say, hey, come home and say goodbye to your dog.

We're putting her in.

Thanks for the reminder.

As we have a 17 year old dog in there that can't hear or.

See, I want to jump in really fast.

This is editor Alex speaking and I want to share a story because Scott, you're talking about putting your dog down and I do the same thing to my dog about nine months ago and I have really young kids.

I have a seven and five year old and my five year old to this day still still cries on a once a week or maybe twice a week about what seemed to be to him, his dog not being around anymore.

We have another dog, but that dog is not nearly as important as the other dog.

And so, like you said, it was hard to be like, how?

What are we going to tell him?

And we kind of just.

We kind of told him the truth.

Like, the dog was sick and had to get taken care of.

How did he get, you know, put down?

And he's not gonna be with us anymore?

And it was still hard for him to concept, like, I think it was like three, four months later.

He's like, will we see Gilly again?

I was like, no, we won't see Gilly again.

Gilly's gone.

But this Christmas, we are going to get him a pillow, which is a picture of the dog that he misses so much.

So can't wait to get that to him because like I said, he's still very broken up about losing what he felt like was his dog.

Chris, you got any Cliff Notes?

I do.

It's been quite the show.

A lot of stuff's happened.

So nothing can stop this little boy from recapping the day.

The Chris's Cliff snow sway.

Scott talked about how the big fight on Friday night, Jake Paul versus Mike Tyson, happened.

Happen.

Now, the biggest fight of that night was the battle of Scott trying to get up from the couch.

Stupid.

Scott talked about how Netflix would work.

Then it didn't work.

Then it did work for a little bit and then eventually gaslighted him and to make him think that he was the problem.

Scott, now you know what it's like for Rachel to have sex with you.

Touche.

Now it's your fault I finished early.

It wasn't my fault.

Scott said that he assumed that cleaners would take a couple hours to clean the floors.

Now, Scott, what makes you qualified to make any assumption about cleaning?

Meaning that would be like asking a terrorist how to land a plane.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Nick said that Sean forgets to turn the oven off.

He said it's fine.

If it's for cookies, just keep them coming.

I'm cookie.

By the way, Nick said that he's gonna share a cabin with his agent.

That sounds like a lot of fun.

I have a lot of experience with that.

I share an inner cabin with Sean.

Nick's Nick said that he had three cheer practices and had to deal with a bunch of kids screaming and spewing nonsense for an hour at a time.

He said we would never understand what that was like.

Nick, I think you forget that Scott and I did the first hundred episodes with something very similar.

And lastly, Scott had a really hard time with the loss of his dog this week.

So in all seriousness, if we could all just throw him a bone here just to help him get over this.

Those are my cliff notes.

Thank you so much, Chris.

So Nick, what do you got going on with the kids this week?

I have one child right now, she's nothing.

Finally.

We had gymnastics tonight and then we have our cheerleading end of the season party on Sunday.

So nice and relaxing.

Finally.

Nice.

Chris, what about you?

You know that ride Countdown to Extinction?

Yes, yes.

My life feels like right now.

No, mine feels like Countdown to extinction.

I just see the meteor coming.

It's coming hard.

Wait, are we still talking about you having to parent by yourself or you're outing with Nick?

Yes, yes.

Alex, you got anything fun with the kids this week?

Actually we do.

My wife has put together a friends giving this Saturday.

So we're gonna have her co worker which has four children.

We're gonna have her sister over with her husband who has a child.

We're gonna have her sister's co worker who has a child come over.

We're gonna have my brother in law come over who has a child.

So it's more like a kids thing.

But yeah, it's like a.

It's like a pre Thanksgiving Thanksgiving for non family.

Even though half of them is family.

It turned into.

But yeah, they're calling it friendsgiving and it's just gonna be like you know, 12 kids running around my house.

So that'll be fun.

Darren, what are you up to this week?

Nothing.

Okay, well, where can our listeners find you?

You can find me on Instagram, Aaron underscore Maffei and then there's a link tree for all the rest of my socials.

Not Twitter anymore.

Nick, you can find me on all social media platforms, Ann Pepper vacations and Instagram otionalsupportgaynik.

Chris, you find me at the bookstore looking for how to parent books.

And if you don't see me there, you can follow my stories on Instagram Risyab and at whatnot.

Risyab.

If you want to buy some Star.

Wars cards and you cannot find me on Twitter because I also deactivated my Twitter account.

You can find all of our social media links right there on our website nonewfriendspodcast.com while you're there, check out our really sweet merchandise and also join our clubhouse for as low as $2 a month, get exclusive benefits including early release, different contests, submittals, I don't know, and all sorts of stuff.

It's fun.

No grammar lessons.

No grammar lessons.

We did not.

We did not.

And you can also check us out live on the YouTube every Monday night, 8pm Eastern Standard Time where we record this thing live.

If you listen to us on Spotify or Apple, please leave us.

A five star rating and review really helps us out.

We love that kind of stuff.

On behalf of Giles Garman, Game Master Ryan, Our producer, Alex Darren.com Nick, Sarah, Chris, I'm Scott.

Thank you so much for listening.

We'll see you next time.

See you later.

Poopy Bus no new friends, Just the old and the bold?

In the world of chaos, we're the.

Ones who hold Scott, Chris, Sarah and.

Naked tale to be told.

Welcome to the podcast.

We're adulting on foes we're unfolds, we're addicting unfolds.