00:00:06 Shreya: There are certain habits in our culture that feel almost invisible simply because everyone assumes they are normal. One of them is alcohol. It's built into celebrations, travel, networking, even relaxation. But what happens when someone quietly chooses a different path? What happens when travel, adventure and connection no longer revolve around drinking? Today, we're exploring sobriety not as restriction, but as a different way of experiencing the world.

00:00:38 Shreya: Hello and welcome to the Social Media podcast, a space where we slow down, reflect, and look honestly at the patterns shaping our lives. I'm your host, Shreya, and today we are talking about something deeply cultural and deeply personal. So brightly sober travel and the intersection of sobriety and yoga. Joining me is Teresa Bergen, a Portland based travel writer who focuses on outdoor, eco, vegan and sober travel, and the author of The Sober Travel Handbook, a guide designed to help people navigate the world alcohol free. Theresa is also on a mission to help normalize the choice not to drink, and to show that adventure, joy, and connection don't require alcohol. Welcome, Theresa. I'm honored to have you on my show.

00:01:28 Teresa Bergen: Hi, Shreya. I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for letting me share.

00:01:32 Shreya: Thank you so much, Reza. This is truly a very wonderful topic to discuss, and I would love to start with something simple, like when did you first begin seeing sobriety? Not just as a personal choice, but as something that could shape how experience or like how people experience the world, especially when it comes to travel. First off.

00:01:57 Teresa Bergen: Just a bit about me. So I was really lucky. I got sober at a very young age. I've had many years to reflect about this, and I'll tell you, in fact, yesterday was my anniversary of quitting drinking, and it's been thirty eight years. I was only twenty years old when I quit, so I've had most of my life as a sober person. So this gives me a nice point of view to really see the many ways that sobriety can affect our life. Um, so as far as the travel portion, you know, I, like I said, I've been sober a long time, so I've been traveling sober for a long time, but I've been a travel writer now for about fifteen years. And so that means I get to visit places and write about them for various websites and print publications. And I started to notice more and more, especially in the last five years or so, I've noticed more people not drinking and seeing that this is an issue, not just for me, because it felt like a personal issue for a long time. Like it was just something that was, um, you know, my own restriction that I wasn't drinking. But now I see a lot of people choosing not to drink for either recovery reasons or health, or a lot of young people are drinking less, at least in the US. And then also some people don't drink for religious or spiritual reasons. So it seems like it's all coming together now with a lot of people not drinking and a lot of people interested in travel.

00:03:25 Shreya: That's really beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. And something I noticed is that many people still assume that choosing not to drink means life becomes smaller, like less fun, less social, less spontaneous. So from your perspective and your travels, what is the biggest misconception people have about sobriety?

00:03:47 Teresa Bergen: One of the things I hear people say lots of times jokingly, you know, there's a lot of jokes about alcohol, but if you step back and look at them, they're not really that funny. So I hear people say sometimes like, oh, I don't remember. You know, I had such a wild night. I don't remember it. I must have had a really good time. But is that really the market? Having a good time getting so messed up you don't remember it. So I think the biggest gift of life and travel, the life in general without alcohol is the clarity and the memory and the more control to decide what to do and what not to do and how to be in the world. Because if you drink too much, you usually just start doing things. It's like you're kind of reduced more to your reptile brain and your animal impulses. You're not really working from a higher level of consciousness. And so then sometimes I think when I was, when I was drinking, sometimes I'd be mean to people and then afterwards they'd tell me I said something mean to them and I'd be like, well, I couldn't help it. I was drunk, you know, it's this excuse for taking away our agency. And is that really what we want to do for fun? Like give up our agency and give up our choice and default to our animal cells?

00:05:05 Shreya: Yeah. And oh, also, when someone travels sober for the first time, what usually surprises them the most about that experience?

00:05:18 Teresa Bergen: A different kind of connection with people because I mean, there's different ways to connect, right? Like if you're drinking a lot, you might go out in another country or another city and connect with other drinkers in a bar, you know, and that is one kind of connection. But I think it's kind of superficial. Um, usually you're in a loud place. You're just kind of joking around, getting drunk. Um, you might not really remember everything that well, but I think if you're not drinking, you're going to connect with people in a deeper way when you need them because you'll be talking about, you're probably talking about more profound things than you are when it's really loud and you're getting drunk. So yeah, I think the connection is that. And sometimes people just are surprised by how much more interesting activities they do in a day because people are used to going on vacation, where they sit around a pool, drinking their umbrella, their drinks with little umbrellas in them. Instead of doing that, you know, they might get up early and do the sunrise, they might go for a hike, they might go kayaking or museum. I think you just do more when you're not focused on drinking, so you have better memories of meeting people and doing the things in a place.

00:06:31 Shreya: That's really interesting because it almost flips the narrative instead of so brightly limiting experiences, it can actually sharpen them. Like you notice more, you remember more and participate more fully in that moment. And I think that naturally brings us, uh, into, into a deeper question, like alcohol seems to show up everywhere, like in celebrations, in airport hotel bars, even yoga retreats sometimes. Why do you think drinking became such a default social ritual, especially around travel and leisure.

00:07:10 Teresa Bergen: It's easy. It's an easy common denominator for a lot of people. It sort of takes the edge off and it gives this. It gives a sort of fast, artificial kind of connection to other people, I think. You know, you're like, oh, we're drinking together. That must mean we're friends. We're loosened up because, um, we're loosening up because our kind of thoughts are dulled and we're the first drink that puts you at ease and can even make you more lively then after that, it's a depressant, but it's just sort of a shortcut to feeling like you're connecting to people. But I don't think it's really a real connection.

00:07:49 Shreya: Yeah, and for someone who chooses sobriety, what tends to be the hardest social moment while traveling? Is it pressure the assumptions or simply navigating environments that revolve around alcohol.

00:08:07 Teresa Bergen: Yeah, there's several really. So one is the general feeling of not belonging and thinking everybody else is drinking and you're missing out. So this can be feeling like you're missing out on those social connections, like your friends or your family and everyone else is having a good time and you know, you're left out. It happens a lot in our business networking too, because a lot of industries, people get together at conferences and they drink a lot. And I can say as a writer, I've been to many writing conferences where I felt kind of resentful because I was feeling like the deals were all being made at the bar and the writers were drinking with the hard drinking editors were getting the assignments. Now, whether this is actually true or just my perception, I can't really say. Um, you know, and also I was feeling pretty negative about it, so I probably gave out some negative vibes. So I try to reframe it now and try not to take things so personally and participate as much as I can with my non-alcoholic drink, and people are getting too crazy or rowdy. I just leave early. But also the emotion can come up a lot. So that's a hard thing for people traveling sober if they're going to an emotional occasion, especially family things bring up a lot of dynamics. So, um, going to a funeral or a wedding, uh, something like that. You end up with lots of times with heightened emotions and then wanting to calm yourself down with a drink. So that can be hard.

00:09:40 Shreya: It really shows how much of this conversation is not just about alcohol, it's about belonging, like about whether people feel comfortable making a different choice in spaces where drinking is expected.

00:09:56 Teresa Bergen: Yeah, there can be a lot of pressure and you can feel, um, you know, you get self-conscious thinking like, oh, people think I'm no Often people think I'm uptight or they think I think I'm better than they are or something like that. And that can be hard. So I think, I think it's not like you always have to call attention to it. You don't have to announce to everybody, I am sober now. I am not going to drink, you know. You could just try to do it quietly. And it always helps to hold an alternate drink in your hand so people don't keep trying to offer you something because they might not even notice you're not drinking. Have some sparkling water or mocktail or something. We don't have to tell people our whole life stories every time they ask us if we want to drink. We can just say, no, no, thank you. I don't feel like it. I'm going to have sparkling water today.

00:10:45 Shreya: Yeah, and I'm really curious about the practical side of this. Like when someone decides to travel sober, what are some of the real life situations that tend to come up, like moments where people suddenly realize how deeply drinking is women are into the travel experience.

00:11:06 Speaker 3: A lot of people feel triggered.

00:11:08 Teresa Bergen: By going to airports because maybe they've always gone to the airport bar before for their plane and someone comes around to take their drink order, and they're used to drinking something with alcohol. It's just kind of, um, it's a little it's a bit like perpetual, like it just keeps coming up and you might not have noticed that if you're, you know, a drinker just like a normal drinker, but then when you try not to drink, suddenly you see how much it's everywhere. And in advertising and in the little jokes people make all the time. It's I can kind of wear you down. Like, you know, how many times do I hear someone say like, oh, you had a hard day, you need a drink? You know, there was like the whole wine mom thing. I don't know if you had that, but in the US, there was this like, there was this thing. The last few years especially, I think around the pandemic where there was this joke about women all, you know, like young mothers all needing to drink to get through, um, taking care of my children. It's just so prevalent.

00:12:08 Shreya: Yeah, I really agree with that part. And also, have you personally experienced, uh, moments while traveling where choosing not to drink actually open doors to deeper connections or experiences?

00:12:24 Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel like especially.

00:12:26 Teresa Bergen: When I travel places where the norm is not to drink. Like when I got to visit places in the Middle East a few times and um, one time I was in the Maldives, the Maldives, you know, we think about all the resorts and stuff there and the resorts people drink, but the local people don't. It's a, it's a culture. Local people and they don't drink. So when I was meeting those people, you know, staying at this resort, I was meeting local guides and local workers. And I felt, um, I felt like I could really have some good conversations with them. Like I was a little bit outside of the usual resort customer of just being into the drinking and partying and stuff. So yeah, that there have been times like that when I feel like I've had that connection. And also I've gone to recovery meetings in different countries where I've met local people and got to hang out with them and learn a lot about what it's like to live in other countries, because they were also people who didn't drink. And it kind of took me under their wing.

00:13:36 Shreya: Yeah, that's beautiful because it suggests that sobriety doesn't remove adventure. It often changes the quality of attention we bring to it. And I think it feels very connected to like mindful practices, like yoga and yoga often invites people to become more aware of their body, uh, about their habits, their patterns. So in your experience, what kind of relationship have you seen between yoga, mindfulness and sobriety?

00:14:07 Teresa Bergen: There's a lot. And I think I think it's like an ongoing practice. So even if you're in long term recovery, you can continue to get more and more out of these practices. But at the very beginning, I think people that come into sobriety, like they go from drinking or using drugs or I'd say even an eating disorder during recovery from something really physical like that, you tend to kind of lose touch with normal functions of the body and normal connection. Like, say, if you have an eating disorder, you've lost the connection between hunger and food. Like you, it's like your, your body is not doing anything normal and your and your mind or the drugs or the alcohol are suppressing the bodily sensations. So I feel like the very first thing is just becoming aware of your body. And I don't even mean doing any difficult yoga. I mean, just like sitting and breathing meditation or just trying to bring like, I think sometimes about, um, trying to bring the mind into all the different parts of the body, like imagining my consciousness being in not just in my head, but like in my toes and fingers and in my knees and, you know, thinking like that. So I think that's a very first part is just trying to get back into the body. And then later on, you can go into, you know, fancier breathing practices and, you know, contorting ourselves and all that, but very simple bringing the mind and the body back together to start with. And.

00:15:43 Shreya: That's great. And like for someone who has, uh, exploring so brightly, uh, or even just becoming more mindful about alcohol, how can practices like yoga support their process?

00:16:02 Teresa Bergen: I think I think the big thing is if you take a little time. Even if it just takes five minutes to do some yoga stretches or a little bit of breathing meditation, it gets you in the habit of slowing down and maybe making more of a decision rather than having a natural reaction, because like, say you're thinking about cutting down on drinking. It's really easy to just, if you're going out with your friends to just keep having drinks and be like, oh, I'll cut down another time. Um, but I think if you do a little bit of mindful practice, you can really ask yourself, do I want this drink or don't I? And maybe you do, or maybe you don't. Or maybe you want the alcohol drink, but then when the next round comes around, you decide to have something alcohol free, and then the next round, you ask yourself again, do I want this or do I not? And it might be a yes or it might be a no, but you stop. You sort of stop to find the answer rather than just automatically reacting and reaching for the thing.

00:17:02 Shreya: Yeah, it sounds like the connection is really about awareness. The more present we become in our bodies and our lives, the more intentional our choices start to feel. And choosing sobriety can be very powerful, but it can also be challenging, especially when you are surrounded by environments where drinking is normalized. So when people are trying to maintain that choice, particularly while traveling or in social situations, what helps them stay grounded?

00:17:36 Teresa Bergen: Okay. There's several good things that you can do that are pretty easy. One is if you have any kind of prayer or meditation practice, take a moment to connect to God or the divine or the universe or however you conceptualize that. So that's a thing you can do anywhere, just on your own within yourself. And then you could also, it also helps a lot to have a support system. Another person for people. So I would before I traveled, I would want to check in with somebody. Like for me, my husband is a really good support. So I, I constantly text him when I travel. He's also a non-drinker and he's always willing to support me. So whether it be your partner, your sister, your friend, anybody who supports your non-drinking, it helps a lot to have somebody to check in with at home that you trust and who is on your side. And then if I'm going to some event, like if I'm going to a business networking thing. I just go, I give myself the grace that if it seems really hard when I'm there, if I just feel like really uncomfortable, I can leave early. So it helps to have an exit strategy. Know that you can leave knowing how you're going to leave. So like if you're driving somewhere, drive your own car or know a bus that's going to get you out or be ready to get an Uber. Um, yeah, I always like to think thinking about how I'm going to get out of a place if I need to. And that's not to say that I don't enjoy these things, because sometimes I'll go to some event and I'll really like it and I'll be the last person there. But other times I want to leave early, and I try not to be too hard on myself about that. Now, I've been sober for a long time, and I'm fortunate that I don't. I don't often have the urge, like, think I'm going to drink. It's just a feeling of discomfort sometimes when I'm around a lot of people who are drinking, and once in a while I still feel just kind of like the odd one out and I feel like leaving. And that's okay. Yeah.

00:19:37 Shreya: It's beautifully explained, and I think that's that compassion feels really important also, because real change rarely looks like perfection. It looks more like learning, adjusting and continuing forward. And also like for someone who's listening right now and who might feel curious about sobriety, but also a little afraid of what they might choose, socially or culturally. What would I gently invite them to reflect on? Well.

00:20:10 Teresa Bergen: If you're thinking about sobriety and you're not sure and all your friends drink, it might be time to cultivate some interests that don't revolve around drinking and meet some other friends. And let's not to say you have to ditch the friends you have, but maybe it's time to widen your circle a little bit away from the drinking. So for me, things that I've started to like a lot in the last, oh, I'd say in the last ten or fifteen years is I've gotten more into nature as I've gotten older and I like to do outdoorsy activities and especially some of these, if you do like I like, for instance, I joined an open water swimming group in the summer, and we get together at seven in the morning and swim in a river. And that's just not conducive to people who drink a lot, right? Because they don't want to get up at seven in the morning and jump in a river that's not very warm. So if you, you know, if you find something that's like, um, anything wellness centered. Probably not going to revolve around alcohol, at least not to a very big degree. Like yoga or hiking or kayaking. Yeah. If you pick up something like this and meet some other people that have that interest, then you probably it's not to say that they won't drink at all, but it probably won't be a focus. And you'll you'll make your world a little bigger and more interesting and not so alcohol centered.

00:21:32 Shreya: Thank you for sharing this with my audience. And if there is one, uh, idea I'm taking from this conversation is that sobriety is not about removing joy from our life. It's about discovering what joy feels like when you are fully present for it. And this is a very helpful and a very needed conversation, uh, for today's world. And if after this, my listeners want to connect with you and want to learn more about your work. Explore your books. Uh. Then what's the best place to find you?

00:22:06 Teresa Bergen: Well, I have a website that's my name, so that's pretty easy. It's. My name is Teresa Berganza. It's P e r e s a d e r d e n dot com. It's my name there. Yeah, and I appreciate you wanting to talk about this topic and share it with your audience and anyone who's listening. I really wish you the best. And if you are having trouble with alcohol, know that it's possible to quit and have a better, happier life.

00:22:37 Shreya: Yes, and I will make sure to attach all these details and links below so that the listeners can find them easily and get in touch with you. And thank you, Teresa, for such an honest and thoughtful conversation. And to everyone who is listening. Sometimes the most powerful shifts in life being. Begin with a quiet question what if I tried something different. Maybe that question is about travel. Maybe it's about habits. Or maybe it's simply about paying closer attention to what truly supports your well-being. This is the podcast where reflection becomes the first step toward change. Until next time, take care of your mind. Take care of your body and your own journey. And do not forget to hit the follow button. Subscribe and feel free to share your thoughts because your ears deserve premium content. Thank you.