Thirty days to self-discipline. A blueprint to bust laziness, escape the couch, become
a machine, and accomplish your every goal. Practical self-discipline, second edition.
Written by Peter Hollins. Narrated by Russell Newton.
Lazy. There's so much concealed. In such a small word, isn't there?
Have you ever had a day where, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't force yourself
to do the tasks you wanted to or weren't meant to? Maybe you had a day spent wasting
time online or watching TV knowing that assignments, important phone calls or chores were waiting
for you and yet you just couldn't get any of it done. It may have felt like you were
moving in slow motion, or just that you had no will to activate your brain from a mode
of sloth and sleep. It's a normal feeling, but as with everything, moderation is key.
I'm just feeling lazy has become a standard way of explaining this inability to find any
willpower, passion, or perseverance for a task. But what does it really mean? And does
it actually help us understand what's going on in these apathetic moments and help us
overcome them? The trouble with lazy is that it doesn't accurately describe the phenomenon
we're talking about, and it certainly doesn't offer a clue on how to be better.
Lazy is a harsh value judgment, and worse than that, it fundamentally misunderstands a particular
pattern of behavior. Using lazy is lazy, funnily enough. In the chapters that follow, we'll
be looking at this laziness, not with condemnation, but with curiosity. What's really happening
when we put off tasks? How can we realistically get better, other than self-berating and writing
off sluggishness as an unchangeable personality trait? What is the root cause of this inability
to do, and how can we train our brains to move past it or at least not make it our default
course of action? Why does it feel so damn difficult to lift a single finger sometimes?
But in this first chapter, we're going to be taking a different approach entirely. Firstly,
we'll dismantle the idea of laziness altogether. It doesn't exist. It's an excuse, and as
with 99% of excuses, it's a false construction designed to make ourselves feel better. A strong
assertion that makes itself obvious only in hindsight, actually. What does exist, however,
are barriers to our actions. If you look at a person lounging around in front of the TV
in the middle of a weekday in their pajamas while work piles up around them, you might
call them lazy. After all, doesn't this shrub have things to do? People are, at the most
basic level, actually quite rational creatures, and they behave as they do for a reason. So
when a person's behavior doesn't make sense at first glance, i.e. you can't see the reason,
it pays to look deeper. To the environmental context, to the barriers, to the invisible
obstacles that once understood perfectly explain their behavior. If this is starting to sound
more like a psychology book, then the goal is achieved, because any problems we have
with self-discipline, self-esteem, self-anything begin with our mindsets and the way we see
and observe the world around us. We almost never have external problems. We only have
problems of mindset, judgment, and expectation. Consider procrastination. We all love to heap
moral blame onto ourselves or others for not doing what we should be doing. The way we
talk about procrastination is to condemn it, almost as a sin, as a personal weakness. But
people are rational and logical actors, so what are we missing? Most of us can see that
sinning isn't really the motivation. After all, people procrastinate on tasks they set
for themselves, on activities they care deeply about. So what's going on? If it's not a
moral problem, it's an emotional and organizational one. Why do people procrastinate? As far back
as 1978, researchers BEM and Funder were showing that situational constraints are a far better
predictor of behavior than static personality traits. This means that we're more likely
to be products of our environments and emotional states rather than simply having unproductive
or lazy personalities. It also points toward the lack of vocabulary in our language to
describe such conclusions. We don't really have a clear, easy way to say that anything
other than pure laziness affects our behaviors. Even if we do, it's much simpler to think
of things in this way. However, once you understand the nitty-gritty of what underlies a lack
of productivity, it will change the way you perceive the umbrella of behaviors we commonly
refer to as laziness. Barriers, not laziness. Let's consider some reasons that people actually
procrastinate, act lazy, and turn away from self-discipline. It's time to shine a light
into your brain instead of giving you techniques that may or may not work, though we will certainly
get to those at the appropriate time. People procrastinate because they're afraid.
If you associate ending a task with being appraised negatively or having the result
found to be not good enough, it makes perfect sense that you'd avoid ever reaching the
end of that task. Some people work extremely hard on a project only to slow right down
and hit a block when only 5% of it remains to be done. It's the safe option, really.
Others will work themselves into a paralysis, their perfectionism and intolerance for potential
failure leaving them unable to even take the first step lest it's the wrong one. Again,
it's safer to remain incomplete than to face a potentially negative judgment which can
have massive detriments to self-esteem. So, right off the bat, we have an explanation
for procrastination that's the opposite of common knowledge. In fact, a person may procrastinate
more if the task is special to them since more is at stake. You can be motivated, you
can have the desire, you can even have financial incentive and a serious time limit. But if
your mind has perceived a threat in the task being completed, you can bet it'll do its
best to squirm away from that task no matter what.
To support this notion, a 2017 study done by Leary et al. showed that self-compassionate
people were more likely to take responsibility for their goals than those who self-criticized.
This means that the harsher people are on themselves, the more they're going to avoid
action and appear to be lazy. Importantly, judgments in the form of calling yourself
lazy or piling on guilt will only make things worse. What will make things better and people
more likely to act? Anything that relieves anxiety. The paradox is then that self-discipline
can stem from actively stepping away from a task that's causing you anxiety.
Can you reframe things? Can you become aware of exactly what thoughts are causing you
to pull back? It might be as simple as giving yourself permission to do things badly or
to ease off some of the pressure you've put on yourself. Remind yourself that it's okay
to feel afraid but that you can do it and that you will be okay no matter the outcome
of this particular task.
Look closely at your fears. Face them and speak them out loud or write them in a journal.
You may procrastinate writing your book because deep down your petrified people will think
it's bad and won't read it. Sink even deeper into the fear and you may uncover deep feelings
of shame or beliefs that you're a bad person. This causes anxiety and anxiety always causes
a fight-or-flight response i.e. procrastination and bailing on the plan for your day of productive
work. Instead understand your fears and know them well. Actually it's not that difficult
to find and you may not need a therapist to help you get to the root of maladaptive thoughts.
You really just need honesty in speaking out loud the feelings and emotions that you want
to avoid.
One of the most troublesome ways in which fear hinders our ability to complete tasks
is called worst case scenario thinking. As the name suggests it means that we simply can't
stop thinking of the absolute worst that can happen if we fail to complete a task or don't
perform it well. So if you don't get an A on that test everybody's going to think you're
a loser who doesn't study at all and just wastes his time all day and you might even fail the
entire class and have to repeat it. Even though some of these conclusions can be absurd and
extremely unlikely they have a way of etching themselves into our thoughts and can be incredibly
tough to do away with. If you have this tendency here's a way to cope. Think of the very worst
thing that could happen if you don't do something or don't do it well then ask yourself is it
really as bad as it seems? Is this something that's really going to be important a few
months or a year from now? For example is it really the end of the world if you earn
a little criticism for this task? Is it really true that failing once or twice means you're
not a good human being worthy of love? Should it really act as a confirmation about some
of the worst fears you have about yourself? Perhaps an alternative. Isn't it possible
to try again or even worse? Can you imagine that your fears are unfounded and that you
may even succeed? For some people facing their fears leads them to an unexpected culprit
behind their procrastination the fear of success. Fear is often at the root of so much
procrastination and avoidance behavior for some of us we don't exactly have the thought
if I complete this task I'll do poorly and feel bad but it's more something like I can't
be 100% certain about how this will turn out and I'd rather not risk it. Fearing the unknown
is present in all of us to some extent but it may be more debilitating in those with
extreme procrastination problems. It can be the sheer newness and uncertainty of a task
at hand that proves frightening and hence becomes something to avoid and put off. This
can happen if we've unconsciously told ourselves that unknown equals threatening. Uncertainty
can cause anxiety and rather than court potential catastrophe a person may choose to put off
a potential conclusion instead of facing an unknown outcome. So even if the status quo
is quite painful in itself it's still known and familiar and clinging to it is preferable
to risking something new. This fear can understandably mix with feelings of low confidence and
efficacy. Something unpleasant might happen and I won't be able to handle it. Exhaustion.
I'm too tired to think about something new or different right now. Or fear of success.
If I succeed everything might change and I don't know if I want that. This kind of thinking
can take on an obsessive quality where people make rules to mediate some of the anxiety
of an overwhelming task. For example someone might procrastinate going to the doctor because
what they discover there might be too much to handle so they try to reduce uncertainty
by researching their symptoms extensively so they can feel reassured. If you recognize
this in yourself the first step is to bring these fears out into the light and start facing
them alone or with a therapist where you can try to rest these fears and beliefs to gradually
start dismantling them. To illustrate this testing a woman might find that her procrastination
and laziness in speaking up at her workplace comes down to a handful of fears like the
above. I can't be sure people won't judge me harshly. If my boss sees me mess up I'll
be fired. If I do too well they may ask even more of me or criticize me for being too arrogant.
Realizing that these thoughts are the root of her laziness the woman then starts to unpick
them by doing a series of tests to prove to herself that she's wrong. She might speak
up in a meeting submit smaller tasks when she's feeling unsure and gauging the reaction
or giving herself the chance to notice others in the office who are not fired or chastised
simply for being wrong occasionally. Gradually she reprograms her belief and removes the main
obstacle to working productively and efficiently.
People procrastinate because they have a fixed mindset. I'm not going to try that new task
because I've just never been good at similar tasks. I don't want to go back to university
because I'm too old. I've always been this lazy it's just the way I am.
Carol Dweck's now famous concept of fixed versus growth mindsets can tell us a lot about
procrastination. A fixed mindset is the belief that intelligence and ability are set at birth
and are broadly unchangeable. They're part of the personality or constitution. This means
that there's very little point in trying to change them.
A very negative side effect of this belief is the idea that success if it comes is natural
and that if you're meant to do something well you ought to do so immediately and with ease.
Someone may try a new hobby find it quite difficult and throw their hands up and quit
because they believe that they simply weren't born with the requisite intelligence to do it.
What's more they have a low tolerance for being a beginner. They don't want to look like they're
unintelligent or make mistakes. So they avoid or procrastinate or fail to take action at all.
The more adaptive and useful mindset is seeing life as a work in progress and the brain as
a fluid trainable thing. This growth mindset means that intelligence and ability are developed
deliberately with consistent slow practice that improves skill in increments. This way a person
is never surprised to make mistakes as they learn. In fact they expect it. They're comfortable with
being a beginner because they understand that mastery is a process. If they begin a task and
are not immediately rewarded they don't quit or procrastinate. They take it in stride and carry on.
If you find yourself with thoughts that hint at a fixed mindset when it comes to the tasks you're
avoiding it may be time to reframe a little. Train yourself to completely forget about the big goal
at the end. Focus only on the smaller tasks in the interim. Try to detach your ego from the outcome.
Remind yourself that trying and failing is normal and proof that you're learning. It may even help
to try focusing on the process instead of the outcome. Plan to do a number of hours say rather
than assign yourself an impossible and lofty goal at the outset. As a practical example a poor goal
would be do well on my assignment whereas a better one could be try my hardest on my assignment. The
latter is less ego and goal-centered and is more reasonably under your control. Finally learn to
laugh at yourself a little. Sometimes finished is better than perfect. Sometimes you might feel
that you can't teach an old dog new tricks and as a result procrastinate on all those new tricks.
For example despite being asked repeatedly to go to therapy with his partner he may refuse believing
that it's just not in his nature to talk about his feelings. Here as with many cases of procrastination
it can pay to ask sincerely what am I really trying to accomplish right now and why is what
I'm trying to do important to me. Realizing that deep down protecting and maintaining
his relationship is worth more than momentarily feeling right he may have the impetus to push
past beliefs that nothing will change or he'll look stupid trying. Reconnecting with this deeper
purpose can bring clarity and inspire action. If this rings true for you ask yourself if momentarily
protecting your ego or avoiding the slight embarrassment of failing or being wrong is
worth passing up on your dreams and goals. Do you keep a big bank of embarrassing memories of
all the times people around you looked a little silly? If not then don't expect that others will
remember your slip-ups either. People procrastinate because they have low self-esteem. According to
Dr. Lisa Salzman and the Center for Clinical Interventions it's natural that people shy away
from tasks that might expose any weakness or flaw. If you think that you're generally not that great
you might avoid all situations where you have to apply yourself be appraised or rated or have
your work looked at by others. The belief that we are fundamentally up to the tasks life throws our
way is the root of high self-esteem. If this doesn't sound like you you may have automatically
assumed you'll fail and now are procrastinating on the task because you know that doing it will
expose your weaknesses to others and be painful for you. If self-belief is low enough people may
stop themselves even from wanting to set goals for themselves convinced in advance they'd only fail.
Unfortunately this means they never give themselves the opportunity to prove themselves
wrong making this attitude somewhat self-fulfilling. People with severely low confidence will avoid
challenging or pushing themselves and cringe away from criticism or failure. What better
way to avoid failure entirely than to not even try in the first place? Someone could start to
challenge these limiting beliefs however by gently encouraging themselves to take small steps to
prove themselves wrong. Divide every task mentally into three parts one deciding two starting and
three finishing often people who procrastinate due to low self-esteem tried directly jumping to
the second part however try to take some time to decide how you want to go about the task and gather
everything you'll need to begin. Once you've made that initial step and have the resources to begin
proceeding to part two becomes easier. As you continue with the task try to picture all the
good outcomes that can come from doing the task well or even finishing it all to reach part three.
This is a mindset that will take practice to incorporate but it'll become easier with each
task you complete. Sometimes even deliberately courting a negative outcome can be strangely
liberating. A person deathly afraid of sharing their art may suddenly realize they don't actually
care so much once they get their first dreaded negative reaction. If you have low self-esteem
it may help to journal down all the ways you've survived and overcome adversity in the past already.
Try to find evidence for a new narrative one in which you're capable and able to deal with
what life throws your way. People procrastinate because the task is confusing or overwhelming.
Often the barrier is simply that although the alarm bells are blaring in your head get this
done you're not at all clear about how to do that or what steps to take first. So you turn up to the
task filled with the desire and motivation to do good work but you're confused and have no direction
the thing looks overwhelming. Immediately your anxiety goes up and your sense of efficacy and
confidence goes right down. Though such a problem isn't strictly emotional to start with it soon
leaves you with a bunch of unpleasant feelings that can make you spiral out of control. It's an
organizational problem and this is not something that is ever strictly taught is it? Here the solution
is not emotional so much as practical and executive. It's all about carefully dividing tasks up into
smaller tasks and completing them in an orderly fashion. Procrastination can happen when there's
a lack of organization in the way a task is approached. Sorting through a task step by step
can give you a sense of control and order and give you clear concrete work to do every time
you sit down to tackle it. Here laziness tells a very different story about someone's thought
process. A complicated work presentation you need to compile within two weeks can look
overwhelming and lead you to procrastinate. Instead of reprimanding yourself for being lazy
though simply take a deep breath and break the thing down. Ask yourself what is the one thing I
need to do to start moving again? Just one thing. What can you do in the next five minutes for example?
Identify separate tasks of researching data, compiling a graph or two, finding images,
writing some descriptive text, getting someone to look over the slideshow,
adding a list of references or further reading etc. Don't worry if you don't have a 100%
clear picture before you begin. Only aim to make it a little clearer and understand your very next
step. Focus on what needs to happen instead of the big picture. Now you can relax and let your
field of attention shrink down to a more manageable single task one at a time. Set aside some time
and work on just one aspect. Adjust as you go. Feeling confused or overwhelmed is not a cause for
alarm. It's simply a little bell inviting you to stop for a moment, reorient yourself to your goals
and values and remember what you were ultimately trying to achieve. What is unnecessary and can be
eliminated? What is the core and what's peripheral? Center yourself and wait a moment.
Sometimes giving confusion a little time is all that's needed to gain some clarity
and an idea of what your next step should be.
People procrastinate because they're mentally or physically unwell.
Emotional barriers, like fear of failure or not being good enough, and executive barriers,
not knowing how to break an overwhelming task down systematically, are two of the most common
reasons for the laziness that is procrastination. But there are other barriers too, some of them
even invisible to the person themselves. Again, laziness takes on a whole different
meaning when we can view it through an alternative lens. We might find that we or others around us
aren't lazy at all. Untreated anxiety, depression or other mental illnesses, ADHD, undiagnosed
autism, stress or trauma can hinder the many cognitive processes that need to take place
to complete a task. Low confidence and self-esteem can lead to self-sabotage.
Physiologically, it's obvious that work is more difficult to stick with if a person is sleep
deprived, undernourished, ill or uncomfortable. Ask if you're avoiding the task or are just
tired, hungry, thirsty, too hot or cold, etc. On this note, it's worth taking a moment to separate
lazy from tired. Sometimes, I don't have the energy, is actually just code for
I have the energy, I just don't want to spend it on this. You may find an overachiever calling
their genuine exhaustion laziness. The socially accepted response to fatigue is to fight against
it, drink coffee, push through and stop whining. But what if we were to force an elite athlete
to act in this manner? We would hopefully recognize that rest and recovery are part
of the winning equation to be able to push even harder. I should be any different with our mental
energy. You may find your body forcing you to take a break if you don't heed its polite request for
a rest. Here's where self-condemnation and blame enter again and have a disastrous effect. We fear
inactivity, rest or quiet contemplation and so we browbeat ourselves into doing more when we're
tired or at least making sure we don't actively enjoy our downtime by piling on guilt when we stop.
A little self-awareness and compassion can make the difference. Take a nap and note your feelings
toward the task when you're refreshed and rested. Give yourself permission to take a walk and do
something else and see if your motivation returns in time. Be honest about whether you're giving
yourself adequate time to sleep and rest. We're not machines and treating our bodies like they're
not allowed to rest can have dire consequences, not to mention making us less productive anyway.
As an example, someone might find they repeatedly have to force themselves through a new project.
They stop and ask, is this the most important thing I should be doing right now? And discover that
in fact their priority at that moment is not the project but their own rest and well-being.
By simply changing your focus from judgment to curiosity, you can start to look at laziness
with compassion and empathy and start finding real ways around it. Laziness will seem like a
symptom of a bigger problem, one that can always be solved.
Finally, it's worth noting something else that's seldom mentioned. If you're avoiding a task you've
told yourself you want to do or should do, take a closer look. You might discover that you don't
in fact want to do it or that your motivations are external and superficial. In this case,
your avoidance is really a sign that the task is not something you're truly aligned with.
You don't care, you're apathetic, and you'd rather clean the bathroom for the fifth time
than devote your time to this thing. While this isn't always helpful information,
don't ignore this warning sign about what you care or are passionate about.
It seems obvious when you say it deliberately. Nobody is intrinsically a failure or wants to
be lazy or weak-willed or apathetic. We don't want to view ourselves that way,
and we will engage in mental acrobatics to avoid it. We all have a desire to work
meaningfully toward goals that are important to us. If you find yourself feeling lazy,
it's almost always a question of removing the barriers and identifying what is actually keeping
you from motion. Once the barriers are removed, it then becomes a lot easier to realistically
develop self-discipline. It's just about setting yourself up for success rather than continually
butting your head against a wall that you cannot identify. Self-discipline, it's been said,
is choosing between what you want now and what you want most. There's always an opportunity cost,
but in truth, the opportunities you're forgoing by acting disciplined aren't very large.
Comfort, security, safety, television, gaming, junk food, and so on.
Pushing ourselves through our fears, limitations, and bad habits takes energy and is uncomfortable,
but is mere discomfort what you will allow to keep you from what you want most?
Control the conversations in your mind.
We've discussed how issues relating to mental health and wellness can have a significant impact
on how much we procrastinate, and this brings us to a closely related problem that exacerbates our
tendency to be lazy. This is our inability to control the conversations in our head
and letting negative thoughts get the best of us. This can be an especially big problem
for those of us that suffer from mental health issues like anxiety, OCD, etc. In fact, research
shows that this inability to control the conversations in your mind in childhood can be a good predictor
of anxiety-related issues later in life. Because we constantly keep painting a negative
portrait of ourselves and our capabilities in our mind, it's no surprise that we struggle to
muster the willpower to start being productive. Fortunately, there are several things you can
do to regain control of the conversations and narratives in your mind. The first and most
important way to control conversations in your mind is to practice positive self-talk. This can be done
through a mantra or affirmation which says something along the lines of, I will not let
negative thoughts get the best of me. You can tailor your mantra to your personal needs or use this
one. Besides affirmations, there aren't other ways to combat negative self-talk. Negative self-talk
tends to fall into one of four major categories. The first of these is personalizing, meaning
that you tend to blame yourself when things go wrong, even if you didn't exercise much control
over the outcome. Another is polarizing, wherein you see things as black and white with no room
for a gray area. You are either excellent or a failure. The third category is magnifying.
Here, you disproportionately focus on the bad while discounting everything good.
Simple mistakes turn into disasters. The last and most harmful category is catastrophizing,
where you always expect the worst from any given situation and can't shake thoughts of how bad
the consequences from such an outcome will be. Particular situations will generally cause you
to fall into certain types of negative self-talk, so work might encourage catastrophizing, whereas
relationships might trigger personalizing. If you can identify these traps and patterns beforehand,
replacing negative thoughts with more positive substitutes becomes easier because the expectation
blunts the force of the negativity. It's no longer a spontaneous thought you had,
but a pre-programmed reaction that you're eliciting.
Seeing the mechanical reactions of your brain will reduce the effect of the negative self-talk
and allow you to feel a greater sense of control over the conversations in your mind.
The task of identifying specific patterns of negative self-talk and replacing them with positive
thoughts will undoubtedly be challenging in the start. You'll find yourself wanting to give in
to the temptation to just not do anything and abandon the effort to change. However,
when this happens, ask yourself a simple question. Am I doing the easy thing or the right thing?
This is important because our thoughts influence our behaviors much more than we might realize.
If I think I'm a loser who just isn't cut out for success, that's the behavior I'm going to
manifest because it's what I think of myself. Changing this thought pattern is the only way
to start changing your behavior, too. Remember, our thoughts, conversations, and narratives about
ourselves aren't just relevant to our productivity levels. They seep into every aspect of our existence,
and this is because the way we do one thing or anything is the way we do everything.
The image we have of ourselves influences our work, our relationships, our self-esteem,
our everything. It all starts from the way we think and perceive ourselves.
The smallest things can have the biggest impact over the long term.
When trying to be productive, we overwhelmingly focus on what we should do,
but few wonder what we should think, yet that is exactly where we need to begin our journey
of incorporating self-discipline. Takeaways
When we label ourselves or others as lazy, are we really doing ourselves justice or is there more
to that simple and overused term? What can we learn about simple laziness to defeat it and
perhaps set ourselves up for success? Laziness is not so much of a cause as it is a symptom
of emotional or organizational issues that are present within our mindsets. It's helpful to
view these shortcomings as a series of cause and effect actions, because the reasons that we're not
acting and not exercising self-discipline are more complex than you might realize.
We're not lazy. We have many psychological barriers that keep us firmly rooted in place.
Take it easy on yourself, because nothing is as simple as, I don't want to do it, so I won't.
The main causes for so-called laziness include fear of judgment and negative emotion,
fixed mindsets that make action feel useless, organizational issues that keep you confused
and spiraling, and physical or mental deficiencies such as sleep, rest, nutrition, illness, and lack
of alignment. It's not so much that we need to cure these issues, because that's a tall task
without dedicated introspection, but if we are more aware of what drives us to act or not, then we
stand a chance of addressing it on a consistent basis. You may never truly overcome all of those
issues, but for our purposes, breaking inertia is the goal. In the end, whether we're being
lazy or not, we are putting what we want at the current moment over what we want the most.
We're getting distracted by shiny objects and temporary moments of gratification.
And yet, what are we prioritizing at the current moment besides comfort and safety?
Are those powerful enough motivators for you to stand between what you want the most?
That's a rhetorical question, by the way. The way we do anything is the way we do everything.
That little hint of wanting to quit? That's always going to be there. And if you succumb
to it for the things that don't matter, how likely do you think you will also succumb
when the stakes are high? It's pretty likely. Therefore, self-discipline is a matter of practice
and doing the right thing every time. This has been 30 Days to Self-Discipline,
a blueprint to bust laziness, escape the couch, become a machine, and accomplish your every goal.