Hey, is managing your money feeling heavy?

Do you feel like you need to get a handle on it, but you're honestly

not even sure where to begin?

Maybe you feel like you're always chasing more, but never feel like you have

enough, or perhaps you wonder where all your harder money disappears each month.

Well stick around because today my friend Craig and I are gonna recap a

week's worth of simple faith-based steps that you can take starting today to

find joy and freedom in your finances.

Plus, we're gonna tackle some great listener questions along the way.

Don't miss it.

It's gonna be a great show today.

Welcome back to the special edition, of the Asked Ralph podcast.

I'm Ralph, and today's going to be a bit different.

I'm thrilled to have my good friend Craig here joining me again today.

So Craig, again, thanks for being here.

It's great to have you.

And this past week we launched a brand new series called The

Joy of Living Below Your Means.

We covered a great.

Lot deal ground here, tackling some foundational step towards

financial freedom and growing in our faith along the way.

So today Craig and I are gonna go to recap the key takeaways from each episode.

We're gonna talk about the main challenge I discussed, and most

importantly, I'm gonna give you some single steps and some action items

that you as listeners can take.

Each day we're gonna be answering some questions along

the way related to each topic.

And just as a reminder, the goal here isn't just information,

it's really transformation.

One step at a time.

'cause we wanna help you.

Listeners, break that cycle of financial shame and step into confidence

moving towards the goal of becoming a financially confident Christian.

So let me encourage you, if you missed any of these episodes, you

can check them out right on our website that's at ask ralph.com.

So let's move into last Monday's episode.

That was episode number one 11 and that was called Feeling Lost Starred Here.

So Craig, we kicked off this week addressing that feeling many people

have just feeling completely.

Overwhelmed and lost when it comes to money knowing they should do

something, but being paralyzed, unsure about where to even begin.

And we had a listener question come in about this very thing.

So let's jump into listener question number one.

And this one comes to us to, from Sarah in Ohio.

And that's what Sarah said.

She said, Ralph, I wanna pray about my finances, but I feel

awkward or unsure what to say.

doesn't feel as spiritual as other prayers.

How do I start?

Well, Sarah, that's a such an honest question, and it ties right into what I

talked about on the show this past Monday.

The core idea of Monday's episode was that very first step before anything

else, and that's intentionally inviting God into your financial

picture through specific prayer.

So Craig, what would you say to Sarah?

How can, how can we make praying about money feel more natural and less awkward?

Well, I'm trying to think back to all

my Sunday school days, but I don't remember God

ever saying, or the Bible ever saying that you only should pray about spiritual

matters.

Did

I miss something?

Am

I

not remembering or?

or, no, I think you're a hundred percent right.

I, I don't think it's unfair.

I think there's just this, this, this belief out there that, you know, there's

this, and we talk about this on the show all the time, that separation between

money and, you know, what's going on with people's, uh, you know, faith.

But I, I think it's, you don't have to separate the two.

No, not at All

I mean,

it, you know, God God wants us to live

fruitful lives and you know, if we need help doing

that.

And

You

pray,

about it when you need help, and it shouldn't be the only

time you pray, but you certainly can pray when you need help and I don't

know why financial matters would be

any different.

Yeah, I agree with you, Craig, and in my opinion, it's all about

honesty and partnership and, and it doesn't need to be a formal script.

I think so many people get hung up on prayers being this formal script

that they've gotta put, but, you know, in front of the Almighty and

say, well, you know, I've gotta do this and I've gotta do that.

And so Craig, you know.

One of the things that we talk about on the show all the time and, and it ties

right into that paralysis, we mentioned that feeling of being financially adrift.

Does that resonate with you?

Have you, have you seen that kind of overwhelm and, and, and have you dealt

with people that, some people that you know, have dealt with that very situation?

Yeah, I mean, I did in my younger days, You

know, when you just don't have any money

and you

don't have that much money coming in and you see the

expenses looming

and

You know, it's a lot.

Uh,

but you have to take the

first step.

you know, we've talked about this over and over and over again because it's, it's

critical.

Is doing something

is a start.

And if you look at only the, the, the giant hole that

you're

in,

it is

is overwhelming.

but getting anywhere is just a series of

steps.

And so you might not be able to run a marathon right

now, but you can take one

step.

then you can take another

step and

another step and another step I.

And that's precisely what I was talking about when I said start with prayer,

because I think it's, it's real easy to try to muscle through that alone.

And it feels so heavy when you do that.

And that's why I mentioned in Monday's episode, the

action step was pretty simple.

And that's just fine, five or 10 minutes each day to just talk to God

specifically about your finances.

It's okay to ask him, Hey, God, I, I, I'm struggling with this.

I'm, I'm having a hard time with this.

You know, one of the things I, big takeaways I like to have here on the show

is that you don't have to do this all by

yourself.

And that seems very basic, but you know, why do you think that daily prayer,

Craig, is hard for people when, when they're stressed about their money?

What do you, what do you think is their biggest obstacle

in

that?

Uh, you know, I think there's a fair amount of shame or or maybe

denial.

You know, if you, if you lay it out to

God, now

you've

laid it out, you know, you've admitted that you're in a situation,

uh, which may or may not have been your fault.

I mean, often it is our own fault, at

least to some degree.

Um,

so

there's a little bit of denial I think,

at play, but then there's some shame.

You know, I feel like I made some bad decisions and, you know, maybe

you did, but you can't do anything

about

those you know, once they're, those are made, they're over.

You gotta move on from

there.

But I think if we can get over those

two hurdles, that little bit of self denial

and then that little bit of shame, I mean, sha shame is totally pointless.

I think we mentioned this last

week, Unless it leads to

change

and

so just fight through that.

rip.

We talked about this last week.

I remember rip the bandaid

off and, and, I think that's part of the problem is it

it's scary before you rip that

bandaid off,

you know it's gonna hurt a little bit.

Oh, absolutely.

and, I, and I have scripture here, James one five that says, ask for wisdom.

You know, if you struggle in something, ask for wisdom

because it gives it generously.

And in my opinion, Craig, the really, the answer is the, this act

of surrender in many ways is the antidote to that feeling of being

lost.

You know?

And have you seen, not not just in, in, in financial affairs, when you say

you did Sunday school and all that sort of thing, Craig, have you ever seen

where prayer made a tangible difference

when somebody was facing an overwhelming situation, whether

it be financial or otherwise?

Yeah,

And I this, this will

get a little poignant, but uh, when my first wife was

suffering from cancer,

she would

engage in long, often contentious prayer sessions, you

know, getting angry at

God.

And I think that helped her get through, you know, got

rid of some of those emotions.

It helped her kind of accept the situation the way it was.

And, uh, you know, that's a tough thing to go

through and it sounds weird to say you're.

Angry and yelling at God.

But, uh, I think it really did help,

I, I'm convinced that it did.

Who knows?

but

I'm pretty sure it did.

And I think what you're alluding to is that relationship thing.

It's okay to God is your partner.

It's okay to say to God, Hey, you know what?

I don't understand

this.

You know, why are you putting me through this?

And, and I can't even fathom what that must have been like for you, Craig, as

the husband in that, in that situation, that has been really tough, but.

You know, it sounds like your, your wife reached out to God in a way that, and

like a lot of people from the outside would've said, well, that was really

contentious, but guess what?

That's what she needed.

And you know, this is, seems petty, but if you're feeling that same thing with

your finances and reach out to God and say, listen, God, I don't understand

why you're putting me through this.

You know, why did I just lose my job?

Why am I getting ready to lose my home?

I mean, and like you said, Craig, we've said this a million

times.

Sometimes it's stuff beyond your control.

And

sometimes it's not right.

Sometimes it's stuff that is well within your control and we

have to really understand the

difference.

But I think we kind of covered that question.

Let's move on to our second segment, and that is episode one 12 where I

talked about what if you already have enough, So we tackled that feeling of

always chasing that next thing, never feeling like you've truly arrived.

That's the word I use when I talked about it financially.

That treadmill of comparison.

And Discontentment.

Or dis Discontentment, excuse me.

And we got a related question from Mark in Texas.

So let me talk about Mark's question here, and it says Ralph.

and, and Craig, you're gonna remember this, it kind of sounds a little

bit like the, the situation we had on last week show, but a little bit

different.

So anyway, uh, mark said in this from Texas, he said, Ralph, my

spouse and I have different ideas of what enough is and what we should

spend money on, It causes tension.

How do we get on the same page biblically?

Well, mark, I'll tell you right now, that's a challenging question and it

hits right at the heart of today's, uh, of Tuesday's topic, I should say.

The solution we discussed was intentionally.

and Prayerfully defining what enough looks like for you or as a couple?

I think it's even more important when you're a couple, you know, based

on God's values, not the worlds,

And Craig navigating different financial views as a couple, you know, how can

Mark and his wife start that conversation to really define enough together?

What do you think the keys are to

that?

Yeah, there's a lot to unpack here.

Um,

enough

is an interesting

word.

So

if, if we really get down to

it, it enough is just can you

survive?

But that's what virtually nobody means

by

enough.

And

so

they, they really do

need to sit down and, and maybe define in number of enoughs,

uh,

which

sounds kind of weird,

but there's an enough.

That means

we can

survive.

There's an enough that

means that we have some financial security.

You know, we're, not, we're not gonna stress

and we've got an emergency fund, that

sort of thing.

There isn't enough

to reach some financial goal.

We want to have money put away for the kids' college or whatever it might be,

but I think that might be a way to look

at it to just kind of layer a number of enoughs, and this is the big

one,

really

listen to what your partner is saying.

and, and, I know

It.

it's so easy when you get in these kind of debates,

whether it's in a marriage relationship or two

friends,

you've got part of one ear listening or part of your brain

listening to what the other person is saying.

Virtually zero of your brain

processing,

trying to understand.

Why they're saying,

what they're saying, and then this big chunk of your brain

thinking about how you're gonna counter whatever it is they're

saying and make

your

next point.

And so it it.

I think

the big trick here

is to really spend a lot of time not just listening, but trying to understand

where the other person is coming from.

And I, I'm assuming that the other person is

coming from a, a, a positive place where they're not

just ridiculous or evil or anything

like that.

Uh, but we have very different

views of what

enough is, and you don't get anywhere

until you, you take that attitude of, help me

understand, help me understand why you

think, whatever.

It's so, I don't know, does that

No, and

I agree with you and I think, you know, on the notes I put here is communication

and communication is all the things you mentioned.

It's not just to speak, it's not just to be heard, but it's to better understand.

And I think you said something very key to that.

And you have to have shared

values.

You know, if you don't have shared values, it's gonna be very hard to figure

out what enough looks like for you in a, in a marriage relationship or, you

know, even in a friendship relationship because, you know, culture is constantly

screaming more and more and more.

You need, you need more.

That, that pressure to keep up seems stronger than

ever.

and that's where you see discontent showing up often for people, you

know, especially for Christians who are trying to live differently.

And Craig, that's one of the things that I kind of wanted to park here for

a minute and talk about that because, you know, we're bombarded on a daily

basis of you need more, you need to have this, you need to have that.

And I

think that, you know, that's what I talked about on my show, that on

Tuesday, that that episode we're talking about now is like, you

gotta define what your enough looks

like.

And, and like you said, it's not just a survival thing, but enough for you

has, you've gotta kind of lay it out and say, you know, what does it look like?

And that's what I talked about on the show.

I said, you know, the action step for that was take 15 or 20 minutes

and just jot down thoughts on what financial peace looks like for you.

What, what are your needs?

What are your wants?

And, and a level that allows comfort and generosity, because you've gotta

define your own finishing line.

And Craig, one of the things I wanna say to you is, I, you know, that sounds

great, but how does someone practically start figuring that out personally,

beyond just covering their bills?

Like, how do you get to that point?

That's a really tough

thing.

Well, you know, and this is kind of, uh, off the top of my head,

but I think you can kind of come at

it from two different

angles.

So as, as you were

talking,

uh,

I was trying to understand where, what it was you were saying, where you were coming

from,

Uh,

and I think.

I

I concluded that sometimes enough is, is way, way beyond what enough

really

is.

I, mean, I, I, I'm, I'm just as bad

as, as most people on this, I, I have my

retirement

number.

Well, I

I was lucky enough to

hit that retirement

number and I was like, well, okay, maybe I need a bigger number.

And

so now there's a bigger number and what'll happen when I hit that one?

I'm sure you have

clients like

this.

All right, I

hit that number.

Well, now I need a bigger

number and, and I think we can start to peel

back.

Maybe, you know, go, go to that maximum.

If you had all the

money that you could ever want,

what would

would that be?

What would that look like?

And then start coming back a

step.

Okay.

Let's say that's $2 million for

retirement.

Alright, well what if I only

had a

million

and a

half?

What would that look like?

And what would it look like if I only had a million?

And you may settle at a point where you're in the right spot

or you start out in the other

direction.

These are the essentials.

I mean, if I'm gonna survive, I need

this much.

And then.

what if I push it a little bit further?

What would

that mean to my life?

And I think you can find

a mean, you know, Aristotle talks about the golden

mean

between the vice of deficiency and the vice of excess.

And I think we need to kind of find that

mean, Which is different for

everybody.

And I, I don't know if that made any sense at all, 'cause that was

kind of

off the cuff, but

uh, no, I think that makes perfect sense.

And I think what I hear you saying is it's not so much a what if, but it's an even if

discussion, even if

I only get to this amount or even if I only have these things.

Because what you're really getting to is what it talks about in one Timothy

six, six of being, you know, godliness with contentment is great gain.

And I think that's what we're really talking about.

And then when I, when I had that whole discussion about, even

enough, I was really talking about

contentment because it's really easy to not be content in the society we live in

today.

And that's what I see so many people going into debt over, 'cause they're

trying to keep up with the neighbors.

And, and I see this struggle with couples so many times because, you

know, they, they, they can't get on the same page financially because

a lot of times they don't even understand what enough is individually.

Much less trying to do that in a marital relationship.

So that was, excuse me.

That was really my goal for that was really to talk about how do you

formulate what your enough looks like?

Because the truth

is the culture is going to always tell you to more, more

like you said with retirement.

Yeah.

You're, you're in a place where you're, you got your what if figured

out, well, what if I had this much?

Could I pay my bills?

Could I live the retirement that I have?

But then you had to start working backward from that and say, well, even

if.

This, even

if that is that, is that what kind of where you were going with that, Craig?

Yeah.

Yeah, Or,

Or, or, you know, like I

said, coming from the other direction where you start

off with the bare minimum and

then say, what would it look like if I had a little bit more, a little bit more?

And then what is it gonna

take to get to that little

bit more?

That, that's the piece that people often forget about in these

conversations is getting that extra money means

sacrificing

something.

You know, it could be your time, it could be your vacations,

it could be your new car.

But if you're going to using retirement

here, if you're gonna hit those further out goals,

you're gonna have to sacrifice something

right now and on an ongoing basis.

And sometimes that's not worth

it.

Is, you know, like, should I work

another couple of

years and Well, maybe that's not worth

it.

Yeah.

Can I go back to something you said earlier 'cause I, I don't

wanna

lose this.

you mentioned you mentioned getting on the same page

about values.

There's actually a pretty substantial body of empirical research that

talks about, uh, conflict in

teams.

And there are different kinds and, and most kinds will either

make things a little bit more efficient or they'll make things

more

effective.

depending upon how much conflict there is.

'cause conflict is not a bad

thing.

That's how you figure stuff out a lot of times

is through

conflict

The one type of conflict that

never has any beneficial outcome at all is value

conflict.

So if you can't get on the same

page about what the values

are,

it's just a mess It doesn't get anywhere.

So that should really be job number one.

And that's.

brings back the idea of listening to

understand, If you don't really listen to try to

understand, you're just gonna keep.

Talking past each other regarding the values, and you're not

gonna really make progress.

No, I think that's very well said, Craig.

I mean, that's absolutely the truth.

If you're not on the same page as values, I mean, there's no debate that's gonna fix

that.

No,

No,

no.

You've gotta,

you've gotta work

that

out.

And, and and it's a, a, matter of compromise.

You know, you can't dig your heels

in unless it's something that you just absolutely cannot give

up.

Um, they call that contending.

where you dig your heels in and just.

You

don't move.

But that's usually not

called

for.

If you're gonna contend, if you're gonna dig in your

heels, you better be really, really, really sure

You're right.

And I don't know about you,

but the times I've been right and the times I've been

wrong,

I, I wish they were just

equal.

Uh, I'm sure there are a lot more in the times I've been

wrong Category.

And so I've been, I've been really sure I was right.

and Turned

out I was wrong, so

don't dig your heels in too quickly.

Absolutely

true.

Well, let's move on to our Wednesday episode, which was episode one 13 where I

addressed that feeling of discouragement.

And focusing on what we don't have, the bills, the lack of those things.

And the question that we got next was a question from Anna in Florida.

And I think this is something that many people feel, and this is what she said.

She says, Ralph, it's uh, it's really hard to feel grateful when

I'm facing Huge debts and feeling like I'm drowning financially.

How can I practice gratitude authentically in these real tough times?

And Craig, what I was talking about there was that, you know, I think one

of the things we have to strive for is actually finding true, true gratitude.

I think that's one of the ways you can get, you know, to a point of

starting to develop some, you know, some resistance to feeling like

you're in that financial shame.

So Anna, your honesty is appreciated it and it is

hard.

You know, Wednesday's core idea was that the antidote to this discouragement,

that that constantly feeling like you, you're not getting anywhere, is

intentionally practicing daily gratitude.

And even when it's difficult, and Anna, you allude to that, you know,

how can you be, how can you be grateful when you feel like you've

got these huge burdens on top of you?

So Craig, you know, how do we find authentic gratitude as Anna asked

when that financial storm is raging?

You know, what can we focus on?

All

All

right.

Are you ready.

for this,

I'm ready.

you, you you may, you may hit the mute

button here.

Uh, I'm gonna lay some Baptist Buddhist

stoicism on

that

Now that is a combination I was not expecting my friend.

Yep, yep, yep.

That is

how I describe

myself.

A

Baptist boots, Buddhist,

I

like

so So, we, we've, we talk a lot about the relationship

with

God,

right?

And that we need to show gratitude.

uh, towards God.

And so that's the Baptist piece.

You, you have to acknowledge that we've said this

before, if, if you're able to listen to a podcast, you've got a lot to be grateful

for.

All

right?

So, and and we need to be grateful to God who gave the, who gave us that, that gift.

Um,

I'm

I'm gonna take a little tangent

here.

Uh,

it, I've been to

India.

I don't know if anybody the audience has ever been to

India.

I didn't understand

poor until I was in

India.

I,

I,

I,

I'm sure there

are

poor

people in the US and I've lived in a lot of big cities

that had a lot of,

uh, uh, people who were unhoused and had Uh, difficulties

compared to

to those people in India.

These people are

not poor.

And so what we just lost an audience

member,

so I'm sure, I guess

made somebody mad.

Um,

but I, I think we need to

acknowledge

that.

So, so that's, that's,

that's the Baptist piece.

We need to be grateful for God for

what we've, the gifts that we've been given the Buddhist piece

piece, is that we have to be

accepting, you know, the situation that you're

in is the situation you're

in.

For whatever

reason, you're not gonna get anywhere in terms of your inner peace until you accept

that.

You

You just have to accept it.

The situation is what the

situation is, regardless of how you got

there.

You

You just have to deal with

it.

And then the stoics have

a saying that says, never enter a race in which you're not

assured.

Victory,

which which

took

me a while to figure

out.

What they're basically saying is, you've got to define the race in the right way.

And if you define the race as I want all my debts to be gone

tomorrow, You're not gonna win that

race.

If you're gonna define the race as being, you know

what, I'm gonna start a spending

diary, you can win that

race.

then you enter another

race, You know, I can start a budget, a

simple budget, and then you win that

race and you win that race and you win that race and you start

swimming and now you're not

drowning anymore.

And that makes it a

lot,

uh,

easier to show some gratitude because now.

You've got gratitude, not just for what you were given

but for the progress you're

making.

And all those little gratitude builds on

itself that.

You kind of alluded

to

that.

And so all those little wins they build on themselves.

They start to build your confidence.

They start to

to

make it seem like there's a way out, and it also builds your

gratitude.

So I don't know, That's the Baptist, Buddhist, stoic

take on this situation.

But I think that's key.

I, I, think you nailed it and I think it builds on each other.

I think that's the key to the whole thing, but also what I hear you

saying in that you have to frame it

correctly.

and that's what I'm talking about is that defining enough, that

kind of, the two things go hand in

hand.

Because if if, you're setting yourself up for failure, yes, you're gonna fail.

I mean, that's just a simple thing.

And, and I think so many times people get lost in the material

part of this, but there are so many non-material blessings that we have and I

think it's so important to remember that.

And, and I think, you know, as Christians we're called to give

thanks in all circumstances

and see

that that focus on lack, as many people I hear talking about,

oh, I lack this and I lack that.

But that can be subtle, but it can be powerful at the same time.

And I've seen where that's, you know, that, that feeling of lack is, you

know, it's caused people to have great, uh, impact on their gratitude because

it, it all comes down to someone's outlook or even on their faith because

they just say, well, I'm lacking God.

Must not be, God must not love me.

God must not care about me.

And, and that is so hard to get past.

If you have that, that philosophy, you have that belief

structure.

Yeah, absolutely.

and

the, the number of

things that you're

lacking is.

infinite,

so

you're

just chasing something that you'll never.

achieve.

achieve.

You're

always gonna be

lacking

something.

I, I have a question for you,

Ralph.

Do Do, you remember how you felt when you got

your first car?

Oh, absolutely.

Sure.

What, what

was it?

I think

you've mentioned this before, but what was

Yeah, I was

like, oh, this is cool because I had, uh, freedom.

You know, that was one of the big things that came to me was

freedom.

Um,

uh, it was

excitement because I could go do things.

You know, but then there was also this level of responsibility then

because you're just like, I was driving something that could take someone's life.

And I know that sounds kind of harsh, but it's just

true.

Yeah.

So

let let,

let me ask this

a little bit different way.

So, So, think about how you felt when you got the

keys to that first car and it was your car.

Mm-hmm.

And

and you just bought a new

vehicle,

right?

I did.

Did you experience more joy with that first

car or with a new Hummer?

Oh, definitely.

With the first, I.

what, what,

what,

was your

first car?

The first car I had, I'll never forget it was, I was 16 years old.

My dad bought me a Chrysler Baron.

It was like a fancy K

car.

And, um, you know, it had like the fake leather top.

It was a a four cylinder.

So if it was.

Sitting at a stoplight.

I basically had to, I turned the air conditioning off because

there wasn't enough power for the thing to stay running.

I was sitting at the traffic It was great on gas though.

I mean, back in those days, I think gas

was like, I'm.

Like, I'm a hundred years old, but I think gas is about a dollar a gallon.

But, um, But, yeah, I remember it well.

So I, I'm not gonna

ask you

what you

paid for your new

Hummer, but I, I know what my, my, first car was a 1964 Mercury com, but I paid

$150 for, it bought it for my

brother.

My

latest, uh, vehicle

was a lot more than that.

We'll just leave

it at

that.

But I, I felt more

joy.

at

that $150 1964

Mercury

Comet than I did at the new Ram.

Now I love the new

truck,

but, but, there's no comparison and So

I'm a little sleep deprived.

So if this is making no

sense, please forgive me.

It's making perfect sense.

Greg.

Look maybe

we're

both

off.

I don't

know.

Uh, but, but think about it.

The, the joy was in what it gave you, it gave you freedom, it gave

you a sense of responsibility.

And at that point in our lives,

being given that responsibility was a huge compliment from our

parents, right?

So that meant a lot

for

a

crappy 16-year-old K

car or $150

comet

versus

the, you know, multi tens of thousands of dollars that we just paid for our new

vehicles.

the

The, joy was not attached to the price

tag tag of the vehicle.

the joy was attached to the joy that we

felt.

You

know,

that

that's all it really was.

You feel joy because you

feel Joy,

and, and we let ourselves feel that joy.

and I think that can

really

help

us get at this idea of

enough.

is this other thing that, that you're

lacking,

What's that really gonna do

for you

You,

Uh, you?

know, okay, you got a new pair of Shoes, great.

But I.

but

Does

that really bring you that kind of joy?

So I, don't know.

It might be a way to, go back to that reframing idea, just framing

how you're thinking about these things.

Absolutely.

And one of the action steps, I said with this whole idea of gratitude

was just every day list three to five things that you're grateful

for.

I think all of us can learn from that because like you said, taking that

trip to India, I bet when you got back.

Your whole idea of gratefulness was completely different.

I know we took a trip, my first trip overseas was, uh, dece,

not October of, not last year.

The prior year we went to Germany and I'd never been overseas

before.

And we went to a concentration camp in, uh, Dout.

And I remember Craig walking through the gate of that.

And you see this on television, you know, you can see the Holocaust,

but until you stand there.

Until

you see like what that really looks like.

mean, you have no concept of that and, and not that, not that I experienced

it, what people who went through that experience, but man, when you're there,

I remember

coming back and I had such a high level of gratitude for what I did have, you know,

I had the, and it is gonna sound kind of silly, but I had the ability to leave that

concentration camp.

I was able to walk out in the gate.

You know, and, and that's, that's what it's all about, is that, it's

that perspective, but then it's that, you know, finding gratitude, you

know, and, and then, but practicing

it

and, and, you gotta practice it even when things are

tough, you know?

And, and that, and that's when you're gonna change your mindset

because it rewires your brain, it helps you have some contentment,

and it also helps you build faith.

Right,

Well, and, and

keep in mind that anybody that's watching or listening to this today.

Is, is living a greater life of convenience than the kings in

Queens of a few hundred years

ago.

I

I mean, pick the richest person that was in, you know that was

alive a couple hundred years

ago.

They

They didn't have, the

conveniences.

We have e even if you're living a fairly,

you know,

uh, you know, fairly uh, um.

Low

income.

Life.

There's a

fancier word I was

to

I think you're trying

to go to modest to life, maybe.

Yeah.

yeah.

yeah.

Maybe.

we'll we'll go We'll go with

that.

We'll go with that.

one.

but, you know, think about that.

You're, you're living better than a king a couple

of hundred years ago.

That's

pretty

It's true.

and And

it's

absolutely

true.

And, and that's the thing I think a lot of people need to understand is when

you feel like all hope is lost, you feel like your finances are overwhelming.

You know, go over to the sink and turn the water on and the water comes

out.

Or I go over to the light switch and turn the light on, the lights turn on.

Like you, you're right.

And it's all about framing that

perspective, Craig.

it is so true.

true.

Yep.

Yep.

Everything's relative.

It is.

It

is.

Well, let's move on to question number four and segment number

four is, and I talked about in, in the show number one 14, and that's

where does your money actually go?

Now we're starting to think about, okay, we started off with prayer.

We started to think about.

having gratitude and, and defining what our enough was.

But then on Thursday show, I really started talking

about that classic mystery.

Where did all my money go?

That feeling of confusion and that lack of awareness.

And we got this question from David in California, and David wrote this

with, and this is a common hurdle.

I see this in my practice all

the time.

David said this, he said, I tried tracking my spending like you suggested

Ralph, but I kept forgetting, or I get discouraging the totals and he tips

for sticking with it and not giving up.

Well, David, that's a great practical question and, and

Thursday's solution to that mystery.

You know, that mystery money problem was simply track where your money's

going for a short period of time.

And, and I think you have to be really careful to, to just observe,

not judge, because if you start judging right at the front end, I.

You're gonna stop doing it because you're gonna say, oh, this, this is, you know

what they say, the, it's the, the juice isn't worth to squeeze, or something

like those, you know, along those lines.

But, and that's why I said, when I was talking on Thursday, you

know, that baby step or that first

step was just observe where it's going.

And, and I think it's real easy to get judgmental with yourself and

then you start, you know, why did I make this decision and why did

I do this and why did I do that?

But if you just observe where, where it's at, then, you know, and, and so Craig,

what practical tips or mindset shifts.

You know, can you think of it help someone like David who, who they really

need to stick with tracking even when they forget or feel discouraged in that.

And you know, it, I, I, I think that that's a, that's a legitimate

thing that David is asking us here is, you know, Ralph, that's great.

Yeah.

You want me to track everything, but every time I start to do

it, either I forget to do it.

I got a feeling he's not forgetting to do it.

I think he doesn't wanna do it because he doesn't like the results that he's seeing.

What are, what are your thoughts,

Greg?

Yeah, Let's, let's say, he did, did just forget.

Well, you know, just try to remember next

time.

you

know, it's not the end of the world If you forget that one

time or the few times.

it's

it's fine.

But the

um,

the, getting discouraged is a little bit

tougher.

I think we need to take

the

attitude

that we're gathering data.

I mean, you, you kind of said this, don't, don't

judge.

And so

you can mentally pretend maybe that it's somebody else.

You're tracking somebody

else's

data or somebody else's

spending, but all you're doing is gathering

data

right now.

And

I,

I think that'll help a lot.

But there, there's an even sneakier trick,

and that's

to think about how you're gonna feel when you have to

record

that

spending.

So

So we can turn that little bit of embarrassment or shame to our

advantage

by proactively

thinking about,

oh, if I buy this candy bar or if I,

you know.

Get the soda or buy the new shoes or whatever it

is,

project,

how that's gonna make you

feel when you have to write

it

down and what, what that can do is that can make you

kind of pause for a

second.

Is this particular

juice worth the squeeze I'm gonna

feel.

when do I have to record

this thing?

And so I, I really think we can make that shame.

and Shame

is a little bit strong, but make that little bit of negative

feeling work for us if we just kind of reframe, recast,

uh,

when we feel, it.

so you do it

proactively

and projecting out how you might

feel rather than retroactively with

regret

and say, oh, I wish I hadn't think.

what if I do,

How am I gonna feel?

I think you're right.

And we also have to remember, perfection isn't the goal.

We're not,

we're not gonna be

perfect.

we're not gonna be perfect.

Awareness is, and you gotta give yourself grace.

I.

you know, and and and this, this is a symbol, but like you said, I

think that, and you know, I, I, I think shame can be motivational.

I think it really can.

It's sort of, it's the accountability thing.

Like right now I'm going through trying to get my A1C down, you know?

'cause I know I've gotta get blood work done here soon and.

The doctor's gonna ask me, you know, what does your numbers look like, Ralph?

So every time I, I go to eat something, I'm like, well, how's

this gonna impact that A1C?

Because I have a goal in mind.

I, and, and it's a daily thing.

It's, it's, I mean, it's kind of like keeping track of your finances, right?

Craig, you and I have talked about this before.

It's keeping track of the cakes and the pies and the chicken and

the, all those kind of stuff.

And, And, but it's all about measuring it because

see, if you think about it as stewards of, of what God has given us.

So We can't manage what we don't measure.

And that's the thing is, and we gotta start measuring this.

And, and so Craig, why do you think so many of us, even if we have a

decent income, often feel clueless about where our money actually goes

day to day?

Because I, I'll tell you what, Craig, and I say this on the show, I, I've

said this to you, I've said this to clients before, how much you make is not

relevant to whether you're gonna live

paycheck to paycheck, because I see people making incomes that you and I go,

wow, that's a good income.

But guess what?

They still have no awareness of where their money's

going and they're struggling to pay their bills.

Well,

I,

this,

you

may disagree with me

on

this.

I

I,

think if you don't have that,

I'm struggling to pay my bills or meet my financial goals,

Should we

we be as worried

about where the money is

going?

I mean, one of, the, one of the things that's nice about having a good

income,

um, especially if you're living well within it and you have your

retirement, your emergency and all of that is,

I don't have to think about every little

expenditure.

So,

but, but that's

very different.

Well, let let, me, let me

draw a weight loss analogy.

So I used to do a lot of running,

I would do distance running, triathlons, half marathons.

Did a lot of

it.

I did not

worry

much

about what I was

eating.

You

know, my

my weight was

Really

good.

I was in fantastic shape.

My, resting pulse rate was in the low forties to upper thirties.

Cholesterol was down around 100.

I mean, everything was fantastic

and I

really

didn't worry about

what I ate

or

drank, but then I quit

running

And

I kept eating

and drinking the way I used to.

And

guess what

happened.

And so you, you really have to balance that

out.

you know, if you're in really strong, you know, financial health,

I mean, it's not a

bad thing to know where your money's going and you should have some sense of

where your money's going, but I don't know that I would write down every

little

expenditure.

Um, but you may disagree.

You're the

financial professor or professional.

I'm just the guy who makes up stuff on the

fly here, so,

Well, I, I, I will disagree with you.

We'll have our, we'll have our first

disagreement

to

go.

show.

And, and I'm just being funny about

that.

Uh, but, but no, here's why I disagree with that.

Because what happens

if,

you know

what happens if you know something happens and you don't have that

financial assurance that you have before?

I think if you're in a habit of keeping track of where it goes.

Now listen, I'm gonna be very candid with you.

I'm not

saying, you know, hey.

Every little dollar, you know, in that particular situation.

But I think you have to have a basic understanding.

And I would bet Craig,

I bet you probably already have that

understanding.

Oh yeah, yeah.

You know what I'm

yeah.

I, I was

going a little bit

but Yeah.

But that, that the prerequisite to what you said is that you already

kind of have an idea of where

your money

goes.

Well, and, and

I'll tell

you

why.

I

have a

pretty good idea.

You you know, I, I pay bills online like a lot of people, so I can look

at what that looks like, and it's

depressing

on occasion, but but I know where it's going.

And

then I look at my credit card bills.

We, We,

we put almost everything on either

a credit card or we have to have a certain number of debit card transactions.

to get 7%

interest on our savings, which is worth,

The risk of the

debit

card to me.

But I do, I scan every Month,

where's

that money going?

And occasionally I will ask my

wife,

you know, not, not in any accusatory way, but it's just, Hey,

sometimes

is this a legitimate

charge?

Something I don't recognize.

And if we need to cut back a little bit, like we're getting ready

to go into the summer, I don't

get paid

over the summer.

so I will remind my

wife

probably later this month or, or sometime next

month,

hey, we're going into summer mode.

I go three

months with, with no

income.

You

know, I plan for it, but still

I've got no

income.

It's like we need to ratchet back a

little bit

and, You know, 'cause it, I mean, it doesn't get lean, but

I, I start getting that savings

account down below where I like to see

it.

And

so

we will have

that conversation.

so I think you're right.

If, if you don't have any idea where your money's

going, something's gonna go

wrong.

But I'm, I'm not gonna write down every candy bar.

Well, I don't, eat candy

bar, so that'd be easy, but.

and Craig, we're gonna revisit that in in our sixth question today, because

I'm gonna talk about that very thing.

But let's move on to number five.

And once I got to Friday, what I started talking about is,

have you found the leak yet?

Because one of the things I talked about on the show was, you know,

writing down everything day to day.

And we addressed that next

step and analyzing that data to find where your money's really

going without feeling overwhelmed.

And we got this question from Chloe.

And Chloe uh, comes to us from New York, and she wrote this.

She said, Ralph, um, I looked at my spending, but honestly, everything seems

essential between housing, food, gas, and kids' needs, there's nothing left.

How do I identify a leak when it feels like there's no fat to trim?

And, uh, Chloe, That's a tough

one.

That's a tough spot And, and really highlights the goal that

I talked about on Friday's show.

And the, the solution I discussed there was to move from that

raw data into insight by really analyzing that track spending.

Here's where I started to talk about, we're gonna pivot

a little bit and actually.

Identify where your money is leaking, what I call that, that the biggest

financial leak, and that's the areas of unintentional or surprised overspending.

So Craig, for someone like Chloe where the budget is already tight

now, you're, you've been very candid.

You and I are both not in this position, so it's a little bit more

difficult for us to talk about.

But I can go back to when I was, so Craig, how can they still look for

potential leaks or areas for optimization?

And is it always about cutting spending?

Well,

to answer that last

question first, it's not always about

spending, I. Um, you know, sometimes you just don't make enough

money

and you've gotta find some way to increase

that income and there are actually

more opportunities there than there used

to,

be.

Um, you know, there, there, are a lot of things you can do

online.

Mean you can fill out surveys online and make a couple hundred

dollars a month, I mean, it, it's

not something that a lot of us would wanna do, but.

it's money.

And so, you know, that kind, of

that kind of income, a little bit of gig work, uh, you know,

something

because if you're in this situation, $200 a month can be

huge.

Then there's the, the, the thing that bothered me here was the kids' needs.

Are

Are those really the kids' needs?

Um,

I,

I, I, had an older

brother.

I, I wore a lot of hand-me-downs.

Um,

you know, did

I need new shoes?

Well, you know, sometimes you did, but often you didn't.

Uh, Why am I stuck on shoes today?

I'm not sure why,

but, um,

you know, are, are they really needs,

or, or, are they wants

food?

Okay.

Are you buying name brands when you could buy generic?

Um, yeah.

I, know that I, when I was eating more bread, there

was a.

A type of bread that, I I think it was Dave's that I just

loved, but it was like four or $5 a

loaf.

It's like 50 cents

a

that.

Yeah.

I

I mean, it's Really.

expensive.

Really.

I

mean,

Bread or something,

I

yeah.

yeah.

That's it.

That's

Yeah.

It's,

especially great healthy wise.

It's great for you.

yeah, it's really good.

Bread,

but,

okay.

If it came down to it, I can buy the

generic store brand.

Wheat bread or whatever it is, and, and my guess is, even for

Chloe,

there are some ways, I know it's, it's, not something we do as much

anymore, but there are people out there that save tons of money every week.

Clipping coupons.

Are

Are you going out to eat at

all?

Are are, is all of your gas

spending

essential?

Are you paying attention?

God, this makes me sound so much like an old man.

Are you leaving lights

on?

You

know, are, what are you doing?

Because there, there's almost always some way you can shave a little bit.

And if you're in this situation,

saving

five bucks here, or 10 bucks there, adds up really quickly

to make a

difference in your

life.

the the other, go ahead.

Sorry

Sorry.

Ray.

Exactly right.

No, that's the whole point of why I did this show is all about finding

your biggest leak, and that's what exactly what you're saying.

Craig, go ahead and continue, but that's what you're talking

about.

well, the other thing, um, I was gonna

mention

is if you do this over a number of

months.

You may find some

fluctuations

that will help you identify that

leak.

Um, you know, if, if, you're spending more money on food

this month than you did last

month, you need to go in and do a little bit more analysis And why is

that?

You know, like our, our power bill fluctuates

like

most

people, but you know, I, it's kind of

predictable, You know, this time of the year it's gonna be here, and this

time of the year, it's getting ready to go into the really expensive

time of the year.

But if I notice, we go from.

You

know, let's

say $300 this month

to $400 next month.

All right?

That seems kind of reasonable because it's

getting hot down here.

We go to $600,

something's

going

on, you know, and I need to figure that out.

But if if you don't start tracking, you can't

start

understanding those fluctuations and doing

some analysis on 'em.

Absolutely true.

Which is a great, uh, tie into our final question.

And the last thing I talked about this week was that,

that B word, that budget word.

But Craig, um, we don't have a lot of time left, so I'm gonna

go right to our sixth question.

This one comes to us from Sam in Georgia.

And you, you, you teed this up perfectly a few minutes ago, my

friend.

You just did.

So this is what Sam said.

He said my income varies quite a bit month to month, uh, as a freelancer, how

can I possibly create a budget when I don't know exactly how much I'll make?

And Craig, I didn't even know that you were paid like that.

I, I guess I just assumed that college professors, you know, got paid every

month regardless of, and maybe you can, maybe there's decision points you

can decide to do that, but, but what I think, I would like to hear you.

Answer or, you know, ask you, Craig, is, you know, Sam's dealing with the same

situation where he is got variable income.

It's a common hurdle.

And I talked all about creating a simple budget, but you know, you know what,

what, how do you deal with that, Craig?

Like if, you know, because you just, you just said something else It's very pointed

and that is, I know my electric bill is gonna be higher living in Louisiana during

the summer and I'm gonna have less income.

So how do you deal with

that?

Well, I, I plan for it

because it is predictable for me.

Unlike, um, Sam, his may not be as predictable.

So I, I plan for it.

I mean, I know and I've got a number I want to be at when I get

my last paycheck for the academic year.

And by the way, most places you

can get paid out over 12, but I'd rather

have my money than have the

state.

Have my money, so I, I have to I have to plan for

it.

Uh, but I, I wanna get your take on this because a, a budget,

in

some respects

is independent of

income.

I

I know that sounds

weird,

but the budget is the plan for

your spending.

And if you have these fluctuations,

you need to plan for the

low

points.

And then you have that discretionary,

you know, a budget isn't just necessities, it's also discretionary

spending.

You know, things, that you you, you wanna be able to go out to the movies or they

still call 'em movies, whatever they

call 'em these days.

you know, you wanna be able to go out to eat, but that goes in your discretionary

and you need to make sure your income can

cover the baseline, the the base

necessities.

and then that, that kind of smooths

out,

you know, if you gets a little bit more

money.

He expects, well then maybe he can go into the

discretionary, uh, or add some savings or whatever, but the budget is about what you

need to spend and what you plan to spend.

It's really,

to

some extent,

independent of income, don't you think?

Absolutely.

And that's one, one of the things I've recommended on this show that day was,

you know, budget based on the lowest expected income And then prioritize

your spending using a buffer, you know?

And, and it's basically, to, you know, you put it very plainly and

that is tell your dollars where to

go.

But it's a plan to do that, right?

I mean, and so you've gotta do that.

A lot of people gotta do that.

You know, I, I do that sort of with the way my business works.

Tax season is a, is a windfall for me in many ways now.

It's not quite as much as it used to be.

you know, But it's definitely that way.

And the other thing I was gonna talk about, you know, so many people get hung

up on the word budget, you know, there's a connotation, like it's this restriction.

And we, and we kind of beat that one up a lot on the show here a lot.

Uh, but, but I just said, you know, it doesn't have to be so complicated.

You know, just write down your estimated lowest possible income

and then list those broad categories and assign dollars to them.

And like you said, if you, if you know you're going to have less

income, so if you're a freelancer.

Like, like this person here, you know?

Then you just gotta say, okay, what's my worst possible month that I can

have, You know that?

And then build your budget around it.

And that may be the month where you don't have the option of.

Eating out or going to the movies or going on a trip.

Like you go, okay, I gotta pay the mortgage, I gotta pay the car

payments, I gotta keep the lights on, I gotta pay the electrical

bill, I gotta pay the utilities.

But you know, you've gotta plan for that ahead of time.

And I think so many people just put their, you know, their, their eyes, you

know, your hands over their eyes and say, oh, I don't know how to fix this.

Well, you do.

You just don't wanna put the hard work in to do

it.

Right.

Well, and there's a flip

side to

this.

If

you

you spend

the windfall,

you're gonna have problems when the lean

times come.

So you've gotta kind of understand

this over a period of time.

and and and he's a freelancer, so it may not be as periodic as yours or

mine.

Uh, but

but

if I I had friends who

were real

estate

agents

and the

the smart ones, when they closed a big sale,

they

they might go out and

celebrate with a little bit of that money, But a big chunk of that

went into some sort of a savings

fund

for those months where

things got a little bit lean.

And so even though it may not be

predictable if you, when you have that windfall, uh, when Sam gets that big

contract, um, makes a lot of money, if, if they go out and blow that.

Then they're gonna have trouble when the lean

times come.

So I, I think there really is

that flip side of, oh, when I get this extra money, I wanna go do some

things that I haven't been able to do.

And that, that's

fine, but do it with,

10% or 20% of that windfall

and not a hundred percent of that windfall.

Yeah, and I think that's well

said, Craig, because I think so many people, they have this, you know, this

uh, time of great excess and it's like, oh, let's go do this and let's go do this.

Go buy this and let's go buy that.

And they don't think about Yeah.

But next month's around the

corner.

You know,

and, and the three months after that around the

corner.

So, but I think we had a great discussion today, Craig, and, and just looking back,

we talked about starting with prayer.

We talked about defining enough, practicing gratitude, tracking

our spending, finding the leaks, and creating a simple budget plan.

So, you know, and, and all these things gotta work together and

they help build upon each other.

And, and I think my big key takeaway for everyone joining us today is

it's about progress, not perfection.

And listen, you can't do all these things at once, but take one step.

Maybe you take today's step as I'm gonna do a better job of tracking.

Maybe you take today's step and you're gonna pray about your

finances, or you're gonna start to look for ways to be contentment and

experience that gratitude for things.

Because the whole goal is to find joy and peace in

this, and

that's really what it comes down to.

And, and if someone's feeling overwhelmed by trying to do all

these things with at one time, you know, it's a, it's a struggle.

And, and that's really the heart of what I do here.

You know, that financial freedom and growing our Christian

faith going hand in hand.

And, and, and that's one of the things I wanna mention before we close today.

at the beginning I played, we're changing the name of the show.

Um, we're moving away from Ashcraft to financially confident Christian

because it's all about, that's what I'm trying to do here on this

show.

Every day when we do our live show recap, it's all about helping

us become more financially.

Confident Christians, and that's we're gonna be doing over the next few weeks.

So if you're listening or you're watching this, or maybe you missed the day, you

know, just go back and check those out.

Um, and if you haven't started yet, that's okay, but, but be aware those things

are coming and just pick one action step from this week that resonates with you

most, and you know where you are right

now.

You know, and don't, and listen, give yourself grace, you know, pray about

it and just start from where you are.

And that's the key.

And, and like I said, define your enough.

Practice gratitude.

Track your spending, find the leak, and do that simple budget and just take

that next step because you can do this.

I have confidence you.

Craig has confidence in You you can, and you can find links to all

of our episodes out there on the website@graph.com, and only things

you wanna bring to your attention.

If you've never done a budget, I actually put together a budget template.

You can get that by going to as graph podcast.com/budget.

So Craig, thanks again so much for joining me today and we walked through this recap.

It's, it's always good to talk this stuff with you,

Craig.

And we had our

first,

little

tiff.

that was fun.

Well, you know what, like you said though, but but you, what you said though was

perfect and that is a debate like that is

profitable.

right.

You know,

there's profit in that and, and you know, so, you know, Craig, I

just, I really do appreciate you.

Sorry.

Hopefully you get some rest it.

sounds, You said you're a little sleep deprived, so hopefully that will

change.

All right.

Thanks Ralph.

And, and just everybody listen, remember you're not alone on the journey.

Keep seeking him first.

Take that simple next step and we'll catch you on the next episode of Ralph.

So until then, stay financially savvy and let's keep our pursuit of

becoming, like I said, our new title, financially Confident Christians.

So God bless you and you guys have a great day today and we'll see you next

time.