And the thing is, is we get addicted to the praise, the criticism hurts.
Speaker:If we're not addicted to the praise and we understand the purpose of criticism,
Speaker:we don't get hurt by it. We appreciate it because it helps us become authentic.
Speaker:The topic today is basically gonna be on the addiction
Speaker:to praise and how it keeps you playing small and how criticism
Speaker:actually can help you grow tall.
Speaker:So this is gonna be a different topic than you're probably used to.
Speaker:So if you have something to write with and write on, that would be fantastic,
Speaker:because I promise you something that'll make you think.
Speaker:And also something that'll make you go, wow, I can use that.
Speaker:So whether we or realize it or not,
Speaker:everybody has a set of priorities they live their life by.
Speaker:And whenever somebody comes along and supports what we value,
Speaker:we tend to open up to 'em and when somebody challenges what we have,
Speaker:we tend to close down on them. But I want you to think about this;
Speaker:it's an old proverb, spoil the child, right, spare the rod, spoil the child.
Speaker:If we don't challenge somebody,
Speaker:they can become juveniley dependent on the things that support them,
Speaker:become dependent on it. And when they challenge them,
Speaker:they can become precociously independent.
Speaker:So the first thing I'd like you to write is that when somebody challenges you or
Speaker:criticizes you, it can actually make you more precociously independent.
Speaker:That means mature a little quicker and take on more accountability and
Speaker:independence quicker. And when somebody supports you,
Speaker:it can actually slow down that process and make you more juveniley dependent.
Speaker:So challenge makes us precociously independent and
Speaker:dependent.
Speaker:One causes the estrogen ratio to go into testosterone and
Speaker:increase testosterone and the sympathetic response, fight or flight,
Speaker:which activates testosterone,
Speaker:and the other one is rest and digest and activates the estrogen and makes us the
Speaker:other one.
Speaker:And they found out testosterone speeds up and accelerates growth and height,
Speaker:and the estrogen tends to slow it down. And we find out in our life,
Speaker:sometimes we have a mother that's very supportive,
Speaker:which keeps us kind of dependent and a father that says, you know,
Speaker:get your butt in gear and figure it out yourself and plays tough ball.
Speaker:Sometimes that's reversed roles. And sometimes people play anywhere in between.
Speaker:But if it's a polarized, highly polarized, we can see this occurring.
Speaker:But if you give everybody whatever they want, when they want, make it easy,
Speaker:and there's no difficulties in life, too supported, too easy, too,
Speaker:you know, taken care of, you won't grow.
Speaker:I think everybody here knows somebody that was overprotected, over nurtured,
Speaker:over taken care of and everything else and they really didn't have an
Speaker:entrepreneurial spirit.
Speaker:They end up becoming more dependent and working for others, maybe.
Speaker:And the people that had some challenge and were given a lot of accountability,
Speaker:they become more precociously independent, more entrepreneurial like.
Speaker:So, most people don't realize this,
Speaker:but they have two areas of their brain.
Speaker:Whenever you're living by your highest value,
Speaker:the blood glucose and oxygen goes into the forebrain and activates the executive
Speaker:center, where you're more objective where you embrace support and challenge,
Speaker:you know, praise and criticism, more equally.
Speaker:That's why when you're doing something that's really high on your value,
Speaker:and you really knock it outta the ballpark about doing priority for the day,
Speaker:you can handle almost anything, you're highly resilient,
Speaker:and you actually have your heart rate variability go up and you're not
Speaker:lateralized and polarized in your autonomic responses,
Speaker:and you're more resilient and adaptable, and you grow most.
Speaker:It's been shown in biology and evolution that maximum growth and
Speaker:development occurs at the border of support and challenge, order and chaos,
Speaker:nice and mean, kind and cruel. That's why people have both sides; nice,
Speaker:mean, kind, cruel, positive, negative, support, challenge, you know, peace, war,
Speaker:praise, and reprimand, and things of this nature, punishment reward, et cetera.
Speaker:But if somebody gets only one side without the other, they don't grow as much.
Speaker:When they get both sides, they grow. Imagine this.
Speaker:Imagine if all of a sudden the thing that supported you represented prey,
Speaker:which in the brain it does. And the thing that challenges represented predator,
Speaker:which in the brain it does. If you get prey without predator,
Speaker:there's no predator, there's only prey, you'll tend to overeat,
Speaker:you'll be gluttonous and you'll lose fitness.
Speaker:If you get predator without prey, you'll tend to emaciate,
Speaker:not get to eat and be starved and lose fitness.
Speaker:But if you put a perfect balance of praise and reprimand,
Speaker:a perfect balance of support and challenge,
Speaker:a perfect balance of prey and predator,
Speaker:a perfect balance of similars and differences, as they call it in Greece,
Speaker:you get maximum growth. In fact,
Speaker:you get maximum growth at the border of that because that's the definition of
Speaker:love. Love is a growth factor in life.
Speaker:Love is a synthesis and synchronicity of complementary opposites.
Speaker:And we grow most when we realize both.
Speaker:Our brain automatically is designed to get both,
Speaker:and have both praise and reprimand, support and challenge,
Speaker:and we live in an ecosystem that gives us that.
Speaker:And if we get an overprotective mommy, we get a daddy that says,
Speaker:we'll go out and play in the streets.
Speaker:Or we get a kid or brother that beats us up or something.
Speaker:We get pairs of opposites. In fact,
Speaker:the people that are addicted to praise and addicted to support and addicted to
Speaker:protection,
Speaker:are usually the people that people pick on and they get targeted by bullies and
Speaker:targeted by that.
Speaker:I mentioned this in Huffington Post and many other articles around the world.
Speaker:But what happens is when you actually embrace both sides equally,
Speaker:you maximize your growth, because you're gonna get both.
Speaker:And when we live in our lower values, we tend to bring blood glucose,
Speaker:and oxygen into the amygdala.
Speaker:And the amygdala is trying to avoid predator and seek prey.
Speaker:And so we wanna avoid challenge and seek ease and support.
Speaker:And we wanna avoid criticism, seek praise.
Speaker:And people live in their amygdala when they're doing lower value systems and
Speaker:devalue themselves,
Speaker:they're vulnerable to be hurt by criticism and be addicted
Speaker:to praise. And the addiction to praise makes them juveniley dependent.
Speaker:And the people that are getting criticism is actually setting 'em free.
Speaker:And I've basically gone in there and I've taken thousands of people when I do my
Speaker:Breakthrough Experience program, my signature program,
Speaker:I go in there and shatter the myth around the idea of I want praise without
Speaker:reprimand. You need both. So what I do is I show you, I say,
Speaker:go to a moment where and when you perceive an individual criticizing you,
Speaker:and then I say, go to that moment, where are you? When are you?
Speaker:What exactly are they doing?
Speaker:What's the content and the context of that criticism?
Speaker:And who are they directing it? To you in this case.
Speaker:And then I have you get really present.
Speaker:And I have you realize that at that moment, in order to get criticism,
Speaker:you're doing two things.
Speaker:You're doing something that's challenging their values in their perception,
Speaker:not maybe your perception, but in their perception.
Speaker:And somehow you're above equilibrium and somehow cocky and above equilibrium
Speaker:needing to be brought down into authenticity.
Speaker:And that's usually because somehow somebody's praised you and you felt good
Speaker:about it and you get kind of puffed up and, you know, cocky, if you will.
Speaker:And whenever you're praised and built up and get puff up inflated,
Speaker:that's not who you are,
Speaker:that's not the authentic you and you attract the criticizer to bring you back
Speaker:into the authentic.
Speaker:So I'm gonna make this statement and it's gonna be shocking to you possibly,
Speaker:but criticism, believe it or not,
Speaker:is designed to teach you how to communicate respectfully in other people's
Speaker:values and to humble the cockiness that occurs when
Speaker:we're addicted to praise and puffed up and thinking we're entitled and juveniley
Speaker:dependent and become spoiled in a sense.
Speaker:And I've seen that in many people and I'm sure you have too.
Speaker:So the criticism is actually helping you, pride before the fall.
Speaker:If you're proud and cocky and up, because of all the praise and puffed up,
Speaker:you get a criticizer to bring you back into authenticity.
Speaker:But if all of a sudden you're being criticized and you're feeling shamed,
Speaker:and you're feeling down, you get supporters to lift you up.
Speaker:You get people that praise you to lighten you up. I always say tragedy,
Speaker:when you're cocky, you attract tragedy, and when you're humble,
Speaker:you attract comedy. One is to knock you down and bring you back as hubris,
Speaker:pride before the fall. And the other one is humbleness before the rise.
Speaker:And what's happening is everything that going on in your life is trying to get
Speaker:you authentic. It's a feedback mechanism.
Speaker:But the amygdala is wanting to avoid the predator and seek the prey.
Speaker:Avoid the challenge, seek the support. Avoid the criticism, and seek the praise.
Speaker:And as long as we're addicted to praise,
Speaker:we have to have criticism to break the addiction and to associate the two
Speaker:at the same time.
Speaker:And what's interesting is if we get support and we be puffed up and we get an
Speaker:exaggerated self, that's not our authentic self,
Speaker:that's a persona of puff up inflated self, the self righteous persona,
Speaker:the superior complex, the pseudo-elevated self-esteem state,
Speaker:inflated itself. And you need criticism to humble it. And the thing is,
Speaker:is we get addicted to the praise, the criticism hurts.
Speaker:If we're not addicted to the praise, and we understand the purpose of criticism,
Speaker:we don't get hurt by it. We appreciate it because it helps us become authentic.
Speaker:It gives us feedback about how to communicate effectively in other people's
Speaker:values, and when we're above equilibrium. If I walk in a room,
Speaker:if I walked into a room right now and you were there and you said, oh, Dr.
Speaker:Demartini, you know, you're amazing, you started to praise me and you said, oh,
Speaker:you do this and this and this and this.
Speaker:And I went in there and I humbled myself below where you perceived me,
Speaker:you will keep praising me. Guarantee it. I've done this hundreds of times.
Speaker:But if I walked in there and I said, when you said, oh,
Speaker:you're amazing or whatever and I said, well, frankly,
Speaker:I'm more amazing than you can comprehend. And I puff myself up and I thought,
Speaker:well, you know, your common is insignificant compared to how great I am.
Speaker:And I puff myself, anytime I would go above where you wanna put me,
Speaker:you'll immediately go, oh, and you put me down again. You criticize me.
Speaker:Because every human being has an image that they perceive of you.
Speaker:And anytime you exceed it, by being puffed up, they'll put you down.
Speaker:Anytime you go below it, they'll lift you up. And that's why,
Speaker:if you're humble and ask questions in the selling processes, you get more sales.
Speaker:But if you go in there and presume you know what they need,
Speaker:you get cut off and they want to walk away from you,
Speaker:because there's a natural tendency to want to have equanimity and equity.
Speaker:There's a built in homeostatic,
Speaker:intuitive system inside every human being to find fair,
Speaker:sustainable exchange and equanimity.
Speaker:So anytime you get praise and you get puffed up a bit, you attract a criticizer.
Speaker:In fact, there's simultaneous.
Speaker:And anytime you're actually down and somebody's criticized it,
Speaker:you attract a supporter.
Speaker:That's why the over protector attracts the bully and the overs supported
Speaker:attracts the challenger and the over praiser attracts the criticizer,
Speaker:and the over criticizer attracts the supporter, the rescuer.
Speaker:Nature is constantly trying to get people into authenticity and into the pair of
Speaker:opposites. And all we are doing is basically teaching us this great lesson.
Speaker:And know what's interesting is maximum growth, as I said,
Speaker:occurs at the border of support and challenge. Now,
Speaker:if you see challenge without support, you're gonna be in pain,
Speaker:you're gonna wanna avoid them, you're gonna see they're critical,
Speaker:you're gonna label them,
Speaker:you're gonna think it's negative and you're gonna
Speaker:arrogant and you're gonna get puffed up from the challenge of it.
Speaker:And what's gonna interesting is if all of a sudden you get to that point and you
Speaker:see one without the other,
Speaker:you store that in the subconscious mind and now anybody that reminds you of that
Speaker:you wanna avoid. So anything you haven't seen the balance to,
Speaker:and seen the balance of criticism with praise,
Speaker:or anytime you see a praise without criticism,
Speaker:your subconscious mind stores those,
Speaker:and it causes impulses for the addiction of praise and an instinct away from
Speaker:predator, the criticizer.
Speaker:But if you see them simultaneously and you ask the question,
Speaker:at the exact moment when somebody's criticizing me, who's praising me?
Speaker:And the exact moment who's praising me, who's criticizing me?
Speaker:And go inside and get present, where you were, when you were,
Speaker:what the content was, the context, and get really present,
Speaker:your intuition will pop out who it is.
Speaker:And the praise may not be somebody right there in the room, they may be distant,
Speaker:or they may be virtual in your mind, but your mind,
Speaker:if it's praise will make you cocky and attract criticism to bring you back into
Speaker:equilibrium.
Speaker:All praisers and criticizers are actually simultaneously paired.
Speaker:You're only conscious of one at a time typically,
Speaker:unless you ask the questions to see both. If you see both,
Speaker:you realize that everything is trying to keep you authentic,
Speaker:not puffed up or deflated, but authentic. And you're now grateful.
Speaker:And when you're grateful for that authenticity,
Speaker:how are you gonna be loved for who you are, unless you are who you are?
Speaker:If you get support and praise and you get puffed up and inflated and proud,
Speaker:you're not who you are. You've gotta per a persona,
Speaker:a mask that you're wearing that's puffed you up and it's over inflated.
Speaker:And then you attract a criticizer to put you down.
Speaker:The tall poppy syndrome sometimes called in Australia.
Speaker:But if you end up feeling like somebody's beat you down and shamed,
Speaker:and you're now minimizing yourself, you attract supporters.
Speaker:If you see them simultaneous,
Speaker:you will realize that there's nothing but a loving act going on.
Speaker:But when you're conscious of one and unconscious of the other,
Speaker:you're going to have emotional back and forths you might say,
Speaker:manic depressive states, highs and lows,
Speaker:we call that cyclothymia or possibly bipolar responses. So,
Speaker:the wisdom, which is what I do in the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:I have people go to a moment when they're being criticized. You're there.
Speaker:Where are you? When are you? What's the content? What's the context?
Speaker:Who's doing it? And what are they doing it about?
Speaker:And then you close your eyes and get present and ask
Speaker:role? If you're really present and you've got all four of those variables,
Speaker:five of those variables in your mind at the same time,
Speaker:your intuition will pop out who you're comparing your criticism to.
Speaker:Every perception is a pair of contrasts.
Speaker:And so if you are infatuated for instance with somebody that supports you,
Speaker:you'll resent somebody that criticizes you.
Speaker:If you're resentful to somebody criticize you,
Speaker:you'll infatuate with somebody that's praising you.
Speaker:And they're always a pair of opposites,
Speaker:but the mind won't see one without the other,
Speaker:it'll create a real or a virtual individual inside
Speaker:it,
Speaker:to maintain homeostasis and to maintain equilibrium and to maintain stability
Speaker:and homeostasis and authenticity in your life.
Speaker:So you won't get one without the other,
Speaker:but you will store the illusions that you have.
Speaker:And if you keep storing the criticism without the praise,
Speaker:you'll be wounded by it. If you store the praise without the criticisms,
Speaker:you'll be addicted to it.
Speaker:The addiction and subdiction keeps you from being present.
Speaker:So that's why I ask the question; at the moment they criticize,
Speaker:who's praising you? And at the moment somebody's praising you,
Speaker:who's criticizing you? And at first you go, well, I don't see anybody there.
Speaker:Close your eyes. Get present, ask where it was, when it was,
Speaker:who's criticizing you, what's the content, what's the context?
Speaker:Get really present and close your eyes and get present with it.
Speaker:And your intuition will pop out an answer who it is. It's not speculative.
Speaker:It's not analyzed. It's a synthesis that your intuition knows.
Speaker:Once you see both of 'em,
Speaker:it'll bring a tear of gratitude to your eyes and you realize, wow,
Speaker:I'm actually being led back into my authentic self. The
Speaker:criticizer is not an enemy. It's actually somebody helping you become authentic.
Speaker:And the praiser simultaneously is doing that.
Speaker:You're basically getting punishment and reward at the same time,
Speaker:challenge and support, criticism and praise, you know,
Speaker:the thing that causes an instinct and impulse at the same time,
Speaker:the predator and prey is always there because the food system needs both to
Speaker:maximum growth.
Speaker:maximum growth and development occurs the border of those two things.
Speaker:And you get both of 'em and you become aware of it, you get to maximumly grow.
Speaker:But if you get addicted to the praise, which keeps you juveniley dependent,
Speaker:you don't grow.
Speaker:So you end up attracting the criticizer to help you get back on track again.
Speaker:The criticizer is not the evil one.
Speaker:The criticizer is actually breaking your addiction to the praise,
Speaker:and helping you see both sides.
Speaker:Just like the praiser is breaking your subdiction from the criticizer,
Speaker:to help you see both sides. They're both there as a pair.
Speaker:And I've taken thousands of people through the Breakthrough Experience.
Speaker:And at first you're gonna say, well, I don't see anybody there,
Speaker:cuz you're looking physically there,
Speaker:instead of going inside and getting present with those variables.
Speaker:And then all of a sudden in your mind, the other person,
Speaker:the other individual playing the other side will be there. And then you go, Hmm,
Speaker:that's amazing. I never saw that before.
Speaker:And that's called being fully conscious. See,
Speaker:when you're resenting somebody that's criticizing you,
Speaker:you're conscious the downside, you're unconscious of the upside.
Speaker:If you're being praised and you're infatuated with them,
Speaker:you're conscious the upside without the downside.
Speaker:And as long as you're not seeing both sides, you're not mindful.
Speaker:You're not seeing both sides. You're not aware.
Speaker:You've got an incomplete awareness.
Speaker:You've got a split in your psyche between the conscious and unconscious.
Speaker:And that keeps you from being powered and present and authentic.
Speaker:So the moment somebody's criticizing you, do a number of things.
Speaker:Here's some action steps. Stop and ask;
Speaker:Where was it when it happened? When was it when it happened? What's the content?
Speaker:What are exactly are they saying? And what's the context? What's it about?
Speaker:Well they're verbally criticizing me about the way I'm dressed. Okay,
Speaker:the context is the way you're dressed. The criticism is the verbal comment.
Speaker:Now close your eyes and go to that moment. They're doing it to you.
Speaker:You're the one that they're directing it to. At that exact moment,
Speaker:close your eyes, and in your mind, in one individual or many,
Speaker:male or female, close or distant, they could be anywhere, at work, anywhere,
Speaker:they could be real or virtual, but there's somebody in your mind,
Speaker:intuitively or in reality, that's playing the other side.
Speaker:that's admiring what you're wearing, and praising you in that process. At first,
Speaker:you never believe that,
Speaker:but I've taken literally tens of thousands of people through that process and
Speaker:it's mind blowing when all of a sudden they see it and they see the pair of
Speaker:opposites and they balance it. Tears come outta their eyes.
Speaker:And then they realize, wow, there's nothing there to be frightened of or seek.
Speaker:There's nothing to avoid or seek. There's something to be present with.
Speaker:Nature is keeping you authentic.
Speaker:Look carefully next time somebody criticizes you and
Speaker:that's challenging their values and look at where you're puffed up and somehow
Speaker:above equilibrium.
Speaker:And you'll see that they're helping you become back into balance.
Speaker:But if you're addicted to praise, you're gonna be angry at them.
Speaker:You're gonna wanna avoid those people. And you can't avoid them.
Speaker:You've been trying to avoid criticism all your life,
Speaker:but you've been getting it all your life. You're not here to avoid it.
Speaker:You're here to understand it.
Speaker:And you use it wisely to be authentic and appreciate both sides of your life.
Speaker:See, I'm not a nice person. I'm not a mean person.
Speaker:I'm a human being and somebody supports my values I can be nice.
Speaker:Somebody can challenge my values I can be mean.
Speaker:I can be praising and I can be criticizing.
Speaker:And if I think I'm gonna get rid of half of myself, it's gonna be futile.
Speaker:I'm not gonna get rid of half of myself.
Speaker:I'm gonna have both sides throughout my life. The same thing for other people.
Speaker:So we're not gonna get rid of criticism in life. We're not gonna get,
Speaker:cuz it's there, It's essential. In fact, you know, the wise individual,
Speaker:the people I've seen who are going for gold medals in sports,
Speaker:excelling in music, or any field,
Speaker:they're actually hiring people to give them critique,
Speaker:to help them master their life.
Speaker:And people that are not mastering their life are trying to avoid the very thing
Speaker:that the people who are mastering their life seek.
Speaker:I always say that if you don't fill your day with challenges that inspire you,
Speaker:it's going to fill up with challenges that don't,
Speaker:if you fill your life with challenges that inspire you and go out and fill your
Speaker:day with the highest priority actions, you're more resilient and adaptable,
Speaker:you mitigate risk, you appreciate both sides,
Speaker:you embrace pain and pleasure in the pursuit of purpose.
Speaker:You appreciate the criticism and the praise equally,
Speaker:because they're both homing you in and guiding you to your authentic self.
Speaker:Your greatest achievement. Maximum growth occurs there.
Speaker:But if you're in your amygdala and you're not doing what's highest on your
Speaker:value, you're gonna want to avoid challenge and look for support,
Speaker:avoid criticism, search for praise. You'll be addicted to one,
Speaker:subdicted from the other. And then when it does happen,
Speaker:you're gonna be distressed by it. You're gonna be angry.
Speaker:You're gonna be resenting it.
Speaker:And you're gonna be then even more polarized trying to get a one sided world.
Speaker:And the more we polarize and try to get a one sided world,
Speaker:the more futile our life becomes. I'm not here to teach you how to be one sided.
Speaker:I'm not here to teach people to be only one sided. It's futile. You know,
Speaker:I tried in 19, oh gosh, I don't remember the year in 1983,
Speaker:I did an amazing experiment on trying to be positive all the time.
Speaker:And I basically documented,
Speaker:I took the 2000 most positive words that I was able to find,
Speaker:2000 words in 300 of the best selling books on positive thinking.
Speaker:And I took all the words that I found in there and underlined all the most
Speaker:positive words and extracted them and put 'em on index cards and then meditate
Speaker:on each index card, each word,
Speaker:and thought of a quote that was the most positive word and positive statement I
Speaker:could get.
Speaker:Then I divided those 2000 into 365 days and came up with five to six
Speaker:quotes per day. When I did that, then I created a form,
Speaker:called a day by day cycle forecasting form.
Speaker:And I started to monitor if I said those affirmations,
Speaker:those five to six quotes per day, every single day, 108 times.
Speaker:So I would put 600 statements a day with positive statements and I monitored
Speaker:it four times a day of what it did to my life, spiritually, mentally, career,
Speaker:financial, family, social and physical.
Speaker:And then I monitored it on a plus three to minus three level of monitoring.
Speaker:And then I followed that four times a day at 7,
Speaker:11 and 3 and 7 and monitored what impact positive statements were all
Speaker:day long, nothing but praise and positive.
Speaker:And then I monitored that for two freaking years, 24 months,
Speaker:to see what impact all that had on me being nothing but positive,
Speaker:only positive statements, only supportive things. And I found at the end of it,
Speaker:when I did all the tallying of all the numbers of all the ups and downs from it,
Speaker:I found out that I still had equilibrium,
Speaker:and I still had positive and negatives,
Speaker:I was praising and criticizing and I still, I was nice,
Speaker:I never got rid of half of myself.
Speaker:You don't need to get rid of half of yourself to love yourself.
Speaker:To love yourself is to embrace both sides.
Speaker:And that means you're going to be praising. You're going to be criticizing.
Speaker:And when you're criticizing, somebody's gonna be praising them to balance it.
Speaker:When you're praising somebody, somebody's gonna criticize them to balance it.
Speaker:And there'll be a matrix of love and a matrix,
Speaker:kinda like a feedback system in your sociology to try to make everybody
Speaker:authentic. It's amazing when you actually get aware of this,
Speaker:cuz then you realize you're not having to get rid of yourself to love yourself.
Speaker:People trying to get rid of half of themselves and trying to get on their and
Speaker:trying to get rid of half of the people around them and half the people in the
Speaker:world,
Speaker:are trying to get rid of all the negativities and
Speaker:this stuff in life, and it's not going to happen,
Speaker:because it's an absolutely essential feedback mechanism.
Speaker:We need both positive and negative, praise and reprimand, the kind and cruel,
Speaker:the nice, the mean, we need both polarities. That's why they're there.
Speaker:In fact, the more you end up promoting one idea and supports somebody's values,
Speaker:somebody else will challenge it. And it's designed that way.
Speaker:You need build and destroy.
Speaker:In your body you have the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous system.
Speaker:Ones for fight or flight, ones for rest and digest. One's for destruction,
Speaker:catabolism. One's for building, an anabolism.
Speaker:One's for an oxidation. One's for reduction. One's for acidity.
Speaker:One's for alkalinity.
Speaker:Your body has both and is prepared and needs both to maximumly grow.
Speaker:And if those are in balance, you have wellness. If they're not in balance,
Speaker:you have illness.
Speaker:So we're not here to get rid of half of our physiology and half of our life and
Speaker:go through life and live in a fantasy that life's supposed to be one sided.
Speaker:You wanna love both sides of yourself,
Speaker:love both sides of other people and understand praise and reprimand is what
Speaker:builds respect. You're going to have it. When you get into a relationship,
Speaker:you're gonna be maybe looking for somebody that's similar,
Speaker:but you're gonna also attract somebody that's got differences.
Speaker:If you get too many similarities, you're get an infatuation,
Speaker:you become juveniley dependent and you'll sacrifice your life to be with them
Speaker:for fear of loss of them.
Speaker:When you get somebody that challenges you and has more differences and you
Speaker:resent them, you're gonna end up having the opposite occurring.
Speaker:You're gonna be trying to change them and try to get them to live in your
Speaker:values, which is futile.
Speaker:And anytime you sit there and expect to get a one sided world,
Speaker:you have futility. And anytime you embrace both sides of life, you get utility.
Speaker:And that's what I'm trying to share tonight,
Speaker:that you must embrace both sides of life,
Speaker:both praise and reprimand is what builds respect for yourself and for other
Speaker:people.
Speaker:And I know that there's moral hypocrisies out there that are going out there and
Speaker:promoting one sidedness. Be nice. Don't be me. Be kind. Don't be cruel.
Speaker:Be peaceful. Don't be wrathful. Be generous. Don't be stingy.
Speaker:But if you really are honest with yourself and I got really honest with myself,
Speaker:I found out after doing that and trying my best to do that,
Speaker:I had a balance both.
Speaker:I found out that I had every trait in the Oxford dictionary that a human being
Speaker:could have, nice, mean kind, cruel, honest, dishonest, positive, negative,
Speaker:peaceful, wrathful, generous, stingy. I had 'em all. And you know what?
Speaker:I don't need to get rid of any of it. All of those are part of my life.
Speaker:They all serve a purpose in life. If you can see how all of those serve you,
Speaker:you're not gonna be sitting there trying to get rid of half of life and trying
Speaker:to get a one sided life. Futility is the pursuit of a one sided polarity.
Speaker:It's like trying to get a one-sided magnet. The Buddha said it really nicely.
Speaker:The Buddha says the desire for that which is unobtainable, a one side,
Speaker:and the desire to avoid that, which is unavoidable, the other side,
Speaker:is the source of human suffering.
Speaker:And so when we go in there and we're caught in this animal passion of trying to
Speaker:avoid a predator and seek a prey,
Speaker:we're searching for that which is unavailable and trying to avoid that which
Speaker:unavoidable.
Speaker:When we go and live by our highest priorities and live by what's really most
Speaker:meaningful to us and live authentically according to our highest value,
Speaker:which is our identity,
Speaker:and we are more objective and neutral and resilient and adaptable and we embrace
Speaker:both sides of life, we see within the praise,
Speaker:the balance of reprimand and within the reprimand,
Speaker:the balance of praise and we see the balance of life and that's where we
Speaker:actually maximize our growth and development. And this is something,
Speaker:if you contemplate, maybe listen this again and again,
Speaker:and look carefully at your life. And the next time somebody criticize you,
Speaker:find the praiser and the next time somebody praises you, find the criticizer,
Speaker:and see how that's trying to get you to be authentic. You'll empower your life.
Speaker:Maximum growth and development occurs at the border of support and challenge.
Speaker:Over support, pride, you're inauthentic. Over challenge, criticism,
Speaker:inauthentic. You put the two together, you get to be authentic.
Speaker:You wanna be loved and appreciated for who you are. Believe it or not.
Speaker:Both of those sides are what's keeping you who you are.
Speaker:You deserve to be loved that way.
Speaker:As a result of this little presentation tonight,
Speaker:I'd like to also offer you something that will help.
Speaker:It's called Balancing Your Emotions for Greater Achievement.
Speaker:It's a free on demand masterclass.
Speaker:And I just want you to know that this can help you in the very thing we just
Speaker:talked about. In the Breakthrough Experience the program that I teach,
Speaker:I teach people how to do this exercise and it's mind blowing. I mean,
Speaker:mind blowing when people get that they've never exposed themselves to that,
Speaker:they never thought about it. And all of a sudden, they go in there and they go,
Speaker:my God at the moment I was criticized, there was my praiser. When I was praised,
Speaker:there was my criticizer.
Speaker:And when I put that together and have 'em do the Demartini Method in the
Speaker:Breakthrough Experience, they just shed a tremendous amount of baggage,
Speaker:all the blaming that they say, well, my mother was this way,
Speaker:or my father was this way, which typically pairs of opposites. All of a sudden,
Speaker:now they see an understanding of love in their relationship in their family that
Speaker:they never saw before and in their spouse that they never saw before and in
Speaker:themselves,
Speaker:cuz no one will ever build you up and beat you up as much as yourself anyway.
Speaker:Learning how to love both sides of yourself and embrace
Speaker:and reprimand. You build yourself up, you put yourself down, you do it,
Speaker:give other people the permission to do that and watch us grow most.
Speaker:So take advantage of this on demand masterclass.
Speaker:If you could bring that back up again, I, I didn't get to finish the reading,
Speaker:the, the bottom of it. There we go. Thank you
Speaker:that it says
Speaker:demar.fm/achieve balance your emotions for greater achievement.
Speaker:Take advantage of this little masterclass it's free. And I guarantee it.
Speaker:It's gonna be eye opening to see how important these two pairs are.
Speaker:But stop and contemplate this,
Speaker:get really reflective and you have any challenge or difficulty,
Speaker:contact our office or get to the Breakthrough Experience. I promise you,
Speaker:what I teach you at the Breakthrough Experience is gold.
Speaker:And it'll help you not be a victim of your history.
Speaker:It'll help you be a master of your destiny.
Speaker:As long as you're addicted to praise, you're gonna play juveniley small.
Speaker:When you finally realize you don't need to be subdicted and avoid the criticism.
Speaker:That's what helps you grow up and strong.
Speaker:The testosterone makes you grow faster.
Speaker:The estrogen tends to make you grow slower, and it helps you,
Speaker:that's why there's a dimorphicness in between the masculine and feminine in
Speaker:height because of those hormones, and challenge makes the testosterone going up.
Speaker:Support makes the estrogen go up.
Speaker:You want a balance of both to make yourself balanced. And if you do,
Speaker:you get to love yourself.
Speaker:The authentic you is worth loving and you get to be appreciative of the people
Speaker:around you. So instead of running away and frighten yourself with this,
Speaker:go and ask the questions,
Speaker:neutralize the system and you won't have to fear anybody or fantasize about
Speaker:anybody, no philias, no phobias, just embrace the two sides of life.
Speaker:Life is magnificent the way it is, not the fantasies we keep imposing on it.
Speaker:I'll see you next week.
Speaker:Take advantage of this free masterclass and come to the Breakthrough Experience
Speaker:so I can teach you how to do this live and you get to see this.
Speaker:And it's an amazing, I promise you. I'll see you next week,
Speaker:go in there and find out exactly where these two sides are synchronously
Speaker:balanced and you'll have a beautiful awakening from that process.