Welcome to the

Peak Revival Podcast.

My name is Ner.

Today I'm gonna talk about

the shadow side that drives

high performing women.

Now, in the last episode,

I talked about the drivers.

There are five drivers

for high performing women,

and in this episode I'm

gonna talk about how those

drivers have a shadow side,

have a dark side you, I

guess you could call it.

And if we are not aware

of it, it will impact our

energy and our performance

and our sustainable success.

So it's important to

understand the shadow side

because we can make better

decisions and we can include

routines that are specific for

each driver that protect your

energy, your mental health,

give you boundaries, give

you more clarity, everything

that you need to protect your

wellbeing and your success.

so with each driver, what

we are looking at doing

is increasing capacity.

So I think one of the things

that I talk about a lot is

energy is elevated, mood is

improving sleep and nutrition

and all of these things.

All of that is to increase

your capacity, because

the more capacity that we

have, the more we can do,

the more output we have,

the better productivity.

The better our relationships,

the better our wellbeing,

our mental wellbeing,

the better our experience

of our day-to-day life.

And so therefore, anything

that we can do to improve

or increase our capacity

will mean basically that.

Our day becomes easier and

easier for us to handle

and we can handle more, but

still with a lot more ease.

So the first driver I talked

about was the visionary.

So that, driven by potential

self-actualization, living

a big life, expanded

life, having lots of

ideas of what to do.

And so the visionary

is never satisfied.

It's always chasing

the thing that's next.

And so.

The shadow side is that

you are always looking

ahead and you're missing

the beauty of now, right?

You can be comparing yourself

to what you want to achieve.

So once we hit a certain goal,

we're not acknowledging that

goal or that progress or that

win, but we are moving on to

the very next goal and we're

almost, I guess, competing

against ourselves, right?

We.

We've, ticked off a goal

or something that we wanted

to achieve, or implemented

something, created

something, and then we're

already looking at the gap.

We've already created a

new idea or a new version

of ourselves that we

want to be, and therefore

we have a gap now.

And so instead of

acknowledging our wins,

we only look at the gap.

That's the shadow aside.

And so what we want to do

is not just achieve and

feel satisfied with our

achievement, we want to

step more into fulfillment.

So satisfaction is

really fleeting.

We can have, you know,

heaps of goals and achieve

them, and then we are

looking for the next one.

And that's

satisfaction, right?

But fulfillment.

Is energizing.

It's restorative

and fulfillment.

We don't get by doing

anything fulfillment.

We get by being in a place

of presence and if we are

always looking ahead and

we're always looking for the

next thing and the next goal.

We are not spending

much time, if any time

in the present moment.

And I don't mean present while

you are working on your task.

I mean really sitting

in your presence.

So the things that you can do

here is to build some space

into that momentum, right?

So I know that as you

build momentum, you don't

wanna stop the momentum.

I totally, uh, recognize that.

But you have to create space.

'cause without space, we

don't get that mental.

Emotional, physical

rejuvenation, right?

We really need to value the

space because it's within

space that we increase

our mental bandwidth, that

we increase our capacity,

that our nervous system

begins to regulate.

And so whatever you can do

to shut the, the noise, the

goals, the outside world

out, in order to create

that space, it's gonna be.

So key to, I guess in a

way move faster, right?

So it's a little bit

counterintuitive.

We think that if we stop,

we're gonna lose momentum and

we we're going to be behind.

But actually creating that

space builds more momentum

and gets you moving faster.

Also acknowledge your wins

and your progress is a really

key part because the visionary

is always looking ahead.

It never acknowledges the wins

that it's already created.

Also, look for making sure

that you have good fuel

for brain performance,

because nothing is going

to work for you when

you have a foggy brain.

So making sure

nutrition is in order.

The second thing I talked

about was a mission

driven the driver to

make a difference, right?

So your work is about

making a difference.

So there's a real mission and

a cause behind what you do.

And the shadow side to

that is that you can

become a bit of a martyr.

you can be over responsible

or over functioning, and

that leads to burnout.

And it can be a little

bit of a badge of honor.

And so we end up saying

yes to everything because,

the cause matters.

we struggle to set boundaries

because we feel guilty.

We feel.

Responsible for other

people's outcomes, right?

So this is a really key part.

The mission driven leader

will, step into this rescuer

role, and this is where

it becomes exhausting.

So stepping into the

rescuer role is where

you over-function and

you don't think that.

Anyone else has the ability

to do it without you.

You have to be in the process.

And so therefore, the rescuer

steps in and if it's meant

to be, it's kind of up to

me and doing everything.

And that level of

over-functioning means that

when we step into rescuer, we

put the other person into the

victim role and we basically

rob them of their greatness.

We rob them of their

resources, their

ability to step.

In or step up and make the

changes that are necessary.

Instead, we jump in there

and we make the changes,

so we rob them of that,

if that makes sense.

I did a whole episode on this

on episode 27 because such

a key part if you are doing

any kind of mission work or.

Work that really

makes a difference.

And you're out there

trying to make some huge

impact in the world, you've

gotta be aware that that

rescuer driver is there

and it's not a bad thing.

Right?

I think if we didn't have

rescuers, people talk so

badly about it, but I think

the rescuer driver, it

puts you in that position

where you're caring for

people that you really

wanna make a difference.

And I think that's really

important in this world, but

you really have to be aware

And see when you're stepping

too much into the rescue and

how it's not serving people.

Okay?

It's really holding

people back.

The other one, for the mission

driver is that you really

have to prioritise self-care.

You're going to have to

make sure that you take

care of yourself because

you absolutely cannot expand

and increase your capacity

when you are exhausted.

So you're gonna have to

pull away, create some

boundaries, and create some

space and create some hard

nos, some non-negotiable

time that you can pull back

and, take care of yourself.

And thirdly, detach

from the outcome.

Okay?

Because often with the

mission driver and the

rescuer, there's a, an

attachment to the outcome.

Like, I have to help them

to get these outcomes.

It's up to me, right?

And so at the end of the

day, we can work really

hard for something and

it doesn't work out.

And that's because a lot

of things are beyond our

control, even though we don't

like to see it that way.

and it's important that you

let go of those outcomes.

The third one was the

high standards driver.

So this is about being

a perfectionist, doing

really great work.

So there's a real driver to

do a really good job, okay?

And so that drives

your ambition.

And so, but the shadow

side to that is that

it can be hyper control

it can be micromanagement

of yourself and others.

It can be fear of

failure or messiness.

And so therefore you go into.

Hyper control, hypervigilant.

So, feeling safe, doing

the right things, being

scared of making a mistake

or experiencing anxiety

or panic or shame when

things don't go to plan.

So you end up overworking

to maintain control.

And all of that can be

totally exhausting, right?

Because you, you're trying to

keep your finger on the pulse

on everything and making ev

making sure that everything's

at a hundred percent and

it's just going to drive a

lot of fatigue and burnout.

So the shift here is in

delegating more, and the shift

is from control to trusting

the process that and trusting

that whatever happens, that

you can deal with it, right?

At its core, perfectionism is

a fear of criticism and so.

We do things perfectly

so nobody can call us

out or we feel ashamed

if we've made a mistake.

And so to avoid that

criticism, we do

everything perfectly right.

But I think at the end of

the day, there has to be,

you have to let go a little

bit and go, you know what?

Whatever happens,

I can deal with it.

I've dealt with it in

the past and we all know

that you can do things.

Perfectly and someone still

criticizes something, right?

And so we can overcome

criticism even if it's

quite often just our

own personal criticism,

not even from others.

But we can overcome that

and we need to feel safe

with allowing things to

be at even 90%, right?

It's not going to ruin your

life plans if things are

at 90%, and it will allow

a lot more flexibility

and ease into your life.

And you'll also have

to have some weekly

rituals to kind of reset.

So things that kind of

take you out of that

environment and also give

you that sense of control.

When you have those reset

rituals, you feel kind of

more connected to yourself

and more in control.

The fourth one was the success

or the achievement driver.

So this is the thrill of

achievement, the thrill

of being the best in the

world at what you do, right?

So this the shadow side is

this addiction to success,

and that your identity, is

tied to your output, right?

And so you're always chasing

the next big win, and

you struggle to slow down

without feeling guilty.

So you push to keep that

momentum going and you feel

a sense of self worth through

the results that you create.

Okay?

And so there's almost

this feeling that if

I'm not creating, if

I'm not achieving, if

I'm not successful,

then I'm irrelevant.

And that's a shadow side

of the success driver.

So for this one, you really

need to harness recovery

time, and it's almost like

train, like an athlete.

Like when you look at

athletes, they put themselves

under an enormous amount of

stress, mental, physical,

and emotional stress.

Yet they are champions.

And if you look at what

they do differently,

they add recovery time.

So stress plus recovery

will equal, success and

your high performance.

The other thing is to track,

non achievement based goals,

like your joy, your presence,

your play, your laughter,

time with family, like,

track other things other

than just these, you know,

achievement based goals.

the fifth and final

one is the redefine.

So this is, you know,

success on your own terms.

And the shadow side

of this is that the

avoidance of ambition and

inconsistent follow through.

So this, you know,

wanting freedom and ease

meant that there's no

structure and there's no,

follow through either.

And so.

There's a fear of

being burnt out.

There's a fear of being

over ambitious, and really

the Redefiner should

really own their ambition.

Okay.

Without any guilt.

I.

Releasing that guilt of

wanting more in your life

or creating more and to

schedule in some white space,

right, to schedule in some

space and some time to.

Really get clear about

your next steps in order

to create consistency and

some checkpoints in there

would be good as well to

track energy, mood and sleep,

and things that impact, um,

your day to day and things

that need to be adjusted.

I.

So those were the drivers

and the shadow side to

the driver, and as you

can see, each shadow side

has actually a different

kind of core problem and a

different way to address it.

So I'd love for you to let

me know in the comments

below if you see an option

to leave a comment to.

Let me know.

what would be one of the first

habits that you would include?

Like what was your driver

and what's one of the first

thing that you could include

to help, increase your

capacity with that shadow?

Let me know in the

comments below.