00:00:00.90

Hello friends, welcome to Fed by the Fruit. I'm so happy that you're here. It is the first Monday of November, which means we have a powerful testimony.

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ah This is actually my sweet friend, Bre. She has been, she was actually a guest on Aktivate years ago. ah She's an esthetician.

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So she was sharing with us all of her skincare secrets and all of the things that she knows to keep us looking young and beautiful. ah But today she has agreed to come on actually, I literally asked her like yesterday.

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And so she's here today. I want her to actually share with you how the Holy Spirit basically said, girl, you're doing this. ah So she's going to share her testimony. And I'm actually just so excited to hear it. I know we we talk all the time, but I'm really excited to see just what you're about to share. So welcome.

00:00:50.36

Bre

Well, thank you. I cannot believe how God just put my butt in this chair today, the way that this worked out. I mean, you and I have talked on this app, Marco Polo, if you're familiar, but it's kind of just like video messages and we kind of catch up with each other's day, tell each other the highlights, like catch up.

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Bre

And We've talked a lot about your podcast in the past and like, oh, you should be a guest. And, you know, maybe you'll be ready to share your testimony. And I would always kind of like shrink in my seat and be like, oh, yeah, maybe maybe someday. Like, it's not ready yet. I haven't put pen to paper or we're not done. We're not done with my testimony. Like, I can't share it yet.

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Bre

And I always kind of thought I would do it someday and and get organized. And I was sharing with you that my Toyota Highlander and like my girlfriend, we had the same Highlander.

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Bre

And our biggest complaint is it doesn't Bluetooth connect to what you last were listening to, like on Spotify. It always just goes to like Apple music and I don't listen to Apple music. So it always just plays old music and it doesn't sync to where I let off.

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Bre

Big complaint there. But like I got in the car the other day and Fed by the Fruit just started playing. which is the podcast section of like Apple. And I use Spotify.

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Bre

I'm like, ah okay, Lord, I'm listening. and and you were just explaining in your Marco kind of your trials of your weekend. You're like, oh, my guest has rescheduled. And then you're like, well, my guest totally moved to another day. Like it not even just a time slot, a whole new day. And I have to have somebody by Monday. And like, what am I going to do? And I'm like, I think I'm supposed to be your guest today.

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Bre

Okay, no no time left the present, then let's just get organized. And I'm like, I'll do it. Like, just talk like nobody's listening. Because I think one of your biggest blocks is always like, am I organized enough?

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Bre

And who's who's going to listen? and And do I have a testimony enough? and And that's always kind of been like a little bit of like my blocks. And I've even shared with you in the past, like, am i am I Christian enough?

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Bre

Do I know God enough? Do I know the Bible enough? And like, no.

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Bre

And like, that was always like one of my insecurities is like not knowing the Bible enough. Like I am honestly here to say I've never read the Bible. Like, front to back because I'm just not a reader.

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Sure.

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Bre

It's not that the book doesn't captivate me. No book captivates me. Like I cannot get into reading and turning a page. My mind travels. I don't get hooked.

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Bre

I don't know the stories. And so I always felt like I wasn't godly enough.

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Bre

I didn't know enough. and kind of was a little bit of my tone through life.

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Bre

Like I grew up Lutheran. Midwestern, you know, going more of like a cathedral-like church. And you know it well. Kristen and I grew up in Iowa in very small towns.

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Bre

And just kind of the way that our path is always connected and where we've branched off and ended up in life, just our whole root and our core is still Iowa.

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Bre

So... Yeah.

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Yeah, I mean, I grew up Lutheran as well. ah

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no surprise there. And, ah you know, doing like the first communion and the confirmation and going to Sunday school on Sundays and then sitting through church and not really feeling connected to anything that they said. Just like I knew I believed in Jesus. I knew I believed in God, but I was never connected to like the message that that was being shared.

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And that's what I noticed about going to now a non-denominational church.

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Bre

Yeah.

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Just I connect so much with the message. And also I'm older and wiser and, you know, have had some life behind me. And I think that that matters too. ah But I just want to quickly say, so you and me, we met, and I may have said this on the last one, but it was so long ago.

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So we met at a community college. And we were there like with our parents and we were there to like sign up for classes. And I always say I'm drawn to pretty people and you were just, you were the prettiest girl in the room. And I'm like, oh, I wanna be her friend.

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And so I sat with you and we ended up signing up for every class the same. So then we had the exact same schedule

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Now you actually left college with a degree and I left with, um, you know, a a horrible idea to go back home and get married.

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And yeah, yes. But that's how we met. And I just, I love that after all these years, cause what did we actually like real time? What did we spend together? A few months.

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And I have just, we you have just been, I cherish our friendship. We have just managed to keep this thing going through all of these years. And thank God for Marco Polo because it just, we just like give life updates. Like when you have time, you update the other person when they have time, they get back to you.

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But I just, I adore you. I love you so much. I'm so grateful that you're here. And I just love that. Like it's such a cool thing that technology can keep us connected because you're out, you're out west.

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I'm out east. We're never in Iowa at the same time. ah Spare one time. One time we made that happen and we made we got to get breakfast together. But aside from that, I have not seen you since I was 20 years old at my wedding, I think.

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Bre

Yeah, you know I know, know.

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So wild.

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Bre

was probably the last time physically in the flesh, besides the quick breakfast.

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Right.

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Bre

And then even then, know, it was so quick and gone.

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Yes, yes.

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Bre

But yeah, I mean, we have so much, we're just still cut from the same cloth. You know, those Iowa roots are strong.

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Yep.

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Bre

and

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Little Midwest girls.

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Bre

its yep it's It's what we know. and And that's how we grew up too. It was just, um I don't know, don't even want to say like just forced, but it was just like, this is what you do.

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Bre

This is where you go. You know, we went to church on all the holidays and you're like a kid. So you're like, womp, womp, like get up for Sunday school.

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Yep.

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Bre

Like, you know, nobody wants this. and And I never really had, you know, much of it huge connection. It just felt like you you know, you we said our prayers at night. We said, you know, grace before we ate, but it was like the every night, come Lord Jesus, be our guest. Let this food to us be blessed. Amen.

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Bre

Like if that's not the most Lutheran prayer right before dinner, how we did it.

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Yep. Yep. yep

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Bre

And um I, you know, I grew up with my mom and my dad and my my sister. And then when I was six years old, my mom got breast cancer and she was 36 years old and she had you know, kind of fought this battle with breast cancer, but ultimately she lost her battle when she was 41.

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Bre

So I, I was 11, almost 12 when my mom died and my sister was just about 16. So she was always a little bit older than me and, you you know, graduated and moved out of the house and went to college. And then it just ended up being me and my dad.

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Bre

you know, at the house. And I was at a much younger age. So I had the gift of a lot of moms kind of stepping into that maternal role for me. Like my best friend's mom, you know, became like my mom. You know, I talked about boys with her. She helped me to, you know, get ready for prom and she helped me with makeup and, and you know, just talking about life and boys. And that's kind of where I went first. You know, I still with my dad and we lived, you know, out,

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Bre

on an acreage in Iowa. And so I, you know, did chores, I took over the household stuff with the ironing and the, you know, cleaning and kind of stepped into that maternal role too also getting a lot of independence and growing up really fast. And um there was another mom that kind of stepped into my life later on. And When I was about 19, I had you know ah a boyfriend in another town and still an Iowa boyfriend. And I got introduced to his parents.

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Bre

And I was so drawn to his parents. you know whether he and I worked out or not, i was always going to stay like with his family because they just took me in in this nurturing kind of maternal way.

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Bre

But as they were getting to know me and listening to me, the conversation of God had come up. And they were asking me like, well, what is your relationship you know with with God? And you know by then I'm like 19, I've kind of lived a oh, an angsty teenage life, you know, probably got into a little bit of trouble.

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Bre

I, you know, was underage drinking. i was, you know, not lying. i was lying. wasn't always where I was supposed to be.

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Bre

yeah i was just growing up kind of a teenager that was not watched. You know, I had my my dad, but my dad was a very hard worker. He worked for, you know, a big local, like,

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Bre

He worked for John Deere and he worked very hard. He traveled a lot. So I had kind of other people's parents watching me, my grandparents watching me, but, you know, of no fault to his. I just didn't have a mom.

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Bre

So I probably got away with a lot and lived, a you know, two parallel lives and when I met, you know, my boyfriend's parents and they were like, what is your relationship with God?

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Bre

And I was like, I mean, believe in him. Like I'm, we're fine, you know, like, um, but you know, my mom died and I was kind of like, I don't get it. You know, why would he take my mom at you know such a young age?

00:10:00.30

Bre

And, and I was like, you know, I just don't really feel God or see God. So like, where's my proof? Like all my proof to me has been that my mom died when I was younger. And, um,

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Bre

That's kind of been my relationship with him. and And the more I would go over there on the weekends, I found I would have these long conversations more with his parents, you know, sitting around the dinner table and, um you know, talking about what it's like growing up without a mom.

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Bre

And his mom almost just couldn't believe that she was meeting somebody who didn't have a mom. You know, she was just like, oh my gosh. And like, she would give me the longest hug so I could like feel a mom hug.

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Bre

And I didn't know it so much then because I'm just 19, you know, now I'm maybe 20 and just like, oh, like, thank you. Like, I love your hug, you know? And like, it did feel good it did feel like a good safe space, but I just see it more now as a mom and as an adult, like,

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Bre

how young my mom was when she died. you know She got cancer at 36 and she died by 41. and I'm now 45 and have outlived my mom. And I have kids of my own.

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Bre

And when I looked at my own kids when I was 41, I'm like, this was the age that my mom died.

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Bre

And this is what she was leaving behind. And Corbin was you know, younger, he would have been about my age and Ryder was, you know, or he was about my age, like when my mom got cancer and Ryder was about my age when I lost my mom.

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Bre

And I was like, the things that she must've been going on internally and the talks that she must've been having with God. Cause she was kind of that, that one that drove us to church and had us praying.

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Bre

And I knew that that was coming more from my mom, you know, than like my dad's side. And, and I was,

00:11:48.22

Bre

connecting more dots that almost this maternal love was coming from my mom into, you know, Marilyn, who was, who, my boyfriend's mom and, and just like that need to reach me and to give me that like maternal hug here on earth too.

00:12:07.78

Bre

You know, I, I, I started feeling like maybe that was my mom's energy, but knowing now, you know, it was also God's energy.

00:12:14.43

Bre

He was really, driving me to Jim in Maryland. And there were a lot of talks that I'd have with Jim. And he said to me, you know, like, have you ever asked God to, you know, come into your life and live in your heart?

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Bre

And I'm like, no, like I've never asked him to.

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Bre

and he said, you know, I'm going to give you this prayer.

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Bre

And he gave me this piece of paper. And he said, whenever you're alone sometime, and whenever you feel it, just just lay on your bed in the dark or just listen and just read this prayer out loud and ask Christ to come into your heart and live through you.

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Bre

And, you know, kind of just let me know whenever you do it. And I was like, okay. And I, you know, I took that piece of paper home and I didn't read that prayer for a long time. In fact, there were even more conversations with Jim before I read it because another time that I met with him, we were talking about you know, signs from God and like what, where I kind of was with my journey with him was that, well, I just don't see him.

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Bre

I don't hear him like, hello, like what am I looking for? And he told me, you know, that there's like this invisible veil over our eyes that like God protects us from that, you know, that there is like kind of a world out there that we don't see.

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Bre

And, you know, God doesn't always show us everything for our protection. And so then I just started kind of looking at the world like very differently, like, oh, there's a veil out there of like stuff I can't see.

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Bre

Like, what does he mean by that? And what's happening, you know, further beyond what I can see. And he would just plant these little seeds that just kind of made me keep thinking and made me lay on that bed one day and read that prayer is ultimately where my conversations with Jim got me to.

00:14:02.29

Bre

and I remember... laying on the bed and I said the prayer and then I opened my eyes, almost like one eye. What happened? Okay, I did it.

00:14:13.84

Bre

What next?

00:14:15.80

what's What happens now?

00:14:18.02

Bre

Lightning bolts. You know, and I told Jim that I said, he said, how'd it go? And I said, well, I did it, but now what? And he's like, now you just wait, like now just listen. And I was like, okay.

00:14:29.75

Bre

And like, that was kind of that. And, you know, and, and I just knew that from there, it was more up to me and God to where that prayer would grow within my heart. It's like, I said it, what happened, opened my eyes and everything still looked the same. The room was still the same.

00:14:46.51

Bre

but was going to be the same, you know, and that was more up to me.

00:14:50.23

Bre

And I was 19 then. and I went on through a lot of the rest of my life, not really growing into that relationship with God. Even then it's like, I asked for it and I said the words, but now what, where is he? Where are you? Are you gonna show up Lord? Like, what does this look like?

00:15:13.83

Bre

And you know, I think it just took life. You know, we still have so much life in us and life experiences and the ones that, you know, do drop you to your knees, the the blessings, the surprises, you know, the growing from your 20s into your 30s, like these big decades of just being human and growing, you know, are just going to happen.

00:15:35.78

Bre

And where does God fit in there?

00:15:37.20

Bre

And I still don't know if I had a lot of room or noticed much in my life yet. I think we run so quickly through our lives with our kids, you know, these were big decades, our careers, we're figuring out what we're going to do with our life.

00:15:50.91

Bre

And like, when do you slow down and stop and have a relationship with God?

00:15:55.78

Bre

And, and I, I really probably didn't lean into that until maybe my kids were born and my sister had moved here to Arizona from Iowa.

00:16:06.84

Bre

And we were kind of, um, raising our kids closer together. Her kids are a little bit older. And she wanted to get them into sports. And there's a church here called CCV, which is Christ Church of the Valley. And it's a non-denominational church.

00:16:21.63

Bre

They have, you know, huge community, lots of sports, flag football and soccer and basketball. And she got her kids into playing sports there. And she really liked the church. She's like, you've got to come, like, hear the music. Like, I love the music.

00:16:36.50

Bre

And we grew up, you know, with hymnals and reading from the from the Bible. And I was like, oh, I don't know if I could do church.

00:16:44.05

Bre

don't know if church is for me, but when I went, it was like the kind of music that just makes your eyes sting. You know, you're in a big auditorium with lights and the, you know, the music. and And I've always been somebody who can relate to music, like, you know, being ah young kid into punk rock and then, you know, hippie music and just all the words that you feel. Like, I love music, that lyrics have always been like a hard hitter for me.

00:17:12.33

Bre

And now here you are like listening to someone sing about God outside of, you know, the hymnal. Like I didn't really know Christian music. I had heard it, you know, here and there.

00:17:22.57

Bre

And I'd even gone to a few like Christian music festivals growing up, but they were more like, you know, kind of heavier metal bands or hardcore bands, but we had like Christian music, but it it never sounded and felt like this.

00:17:36.58

Bre

And it was like the the music and the message that really got me hooked. Because for the first time, I'm hearing more of a sermon that's relatable to everyday life.

00:17:48.47

Bre

I mean, when you're younger and you're sitting in the pews, you're not even listening.

00:17:51.27

Bre

You're coloring. And you're just like, oh, my gosh, here starts the sermon. And it's going to go on for 45 minutes. And

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So long.

00:17:58.86

Bre

o long And I think it was finally when you have some real life experience and you hear someone talk and you're like, that can actually apply to my life, that you kind of start hearing more and seeing more of like God just showing up and how, oh, that can relate to me.

00:18:17.65

Bre

That was a message for me. That's a relatable message. And that really, started

00:18:24.35

Bre

my relationship with God because I could actually finally feel something tangible within me, you know, that I had been asking Jim for this whole time. Like, where is he?

00:18:35.06

Bre

Show me. i can't feel him. I can't see him. And i think but

00:18:38.95

I think what I've noticed over, you know, just looking back on my own faith journey is that I used to, you know, question like, man, I'm just not there or I don't I don't feel like they feel or I don't know what they know. And I just realized that, you know, everybody's just at a different place in this journey because that's really what it is. It's just this constant, this continual just...

00:19:05.96

you know, you just keep gaining wisdom. You just keep seeking and you keep finding.

00:19:12.26

um But when I was 19 and when I was 25, I wasn't really seeking. Sure, I believed and I, you know, like abstractly he was there, but like I wasn't seeking him.

00:19:24.47

And so therefore I wasn't finding him. But once you start to seek him, then you start to see him in different places and messages start to connect with you. Or, you know, you read something that like really, really affects you and you just feel it.

00:19:38.02

But, you know, I think that that's kind of the cool thing about your faith journey is that I like have such a desire to know him more. And I have so much, like I get excited every day to wake up and read my Bible and to learn something new about God.

00:19:53.79

And so I do, I pray for that all the time for him to always keep that desire in my heart because I never want to stop seeking him because that's when you start to find him.

00:20:02.93

Bre

Yeah. And, and that became another, just part of like my, my testimony. I, I had more signs kind of showing up in in my life, but you know, the real,

00:20:17.42

Bre

The real turn for me again was probably but in like 2019, right before you know COVID, but this was ah big you know boom in my life when um my best friend you know took her own life. And we we grew up you know together. She was a huge part of that that friendship group where I met Jim in Maryland. These are my people. This is my hometown.

00:20:42.56

Bre

you know These are the people that raised me most of my childhood you know, teeny stories are with these people. And she and I had continued to stay friends.

00:20:54.39

Bre

um And then she kind of came back into my life towards the end of hers. And I spent a lot of time um kind of in it with her, you know, like before she

00:21:10.33

Bre

lost her her her battle with her mental health, there were a lot of stories I was very involved in, just really entwined in and and deeply feeling with her. And I would fly back to Iowa and I would, you know, help her clean her house. I would help her get through some of these really heavy stories.

00:21:29.41

Bre

And, you know, sometimes her stories didn't always make sense. And there was a lot of pieces that were missing. And then, you know, when she took her life and all of ah our friends got back together and, you know, we were all kind of sharing these stories and putting the pieces together. And I realized that there was so much, you know, that I went through with her, you know, that maybe even wasn't true. And that, that was kind of the mental health battle. Like we'll still never know, you know, the truth of a lot of the darkness, but it never made me love her any less. It actually made me love her and understand her even more in her passing

00:22:07.80

Bre

than in her, in her life. And, and, you know, sometimes those, those really deep, dark moments can bring a lot of people a lot closer.

00:22:17.16

Bre

a lot of peace comes from this and a lot of, you know, conversations start and, and a lot of healing and that group of friends. And i really kind of came back together and,

00:22:28.94

Bre

and healed each other through this tremendous loss that we just experienced and really just started kind of um having bigger conversations, bigger than us, you know, bigger about life and God and, and, you know, what all this means. And, you know, I was really drawn to my friend Caitlin, you know, through this, I met her through my friends long ago, but we didn't even make that connection until after our friend had passed, we became even closer and the conversations that we had to really unpack this was something that only like she and I could have because we both went through it together.

00:23:03.31

Bre

It's hard to have these deeper conversations.

00:23:05.77

Bre

You know, I've shared some with you. I've shared some with my sister. my you know, I still have my people and my core people I go to, but when you have someone who's gone through it with you, I think just her and I had a lot more worldly conversations about God and about, you know, what is what is bigger than us because we were just really dropped to our knees with this,

00:23:28.84

Bre

moment. And then, you know, COVID hits and, and it was a really deep, dark time for a lot of people. But, you know, during that time, you know, I think my marriage was, was struggling too.

00:23:41.71

Bre

um Not even him and I as a partner, but it was our careers at this time.

00:23:49.70

Bre

He's a, he's a chef. My husband is a chef and I'm, I'm an esthetician, but the chef life comes with feeding the public. And when does the public want to eat? Nights, holidays, weekends, Mother's Day, brunch. everybody I'm like The industry had him more than I had him at home.

00:24:07.33

Bre

I never got a Mother's Day with him.

00:24:08.77

Bre

I didn't have Christmas morning. I didn't have New Year's Eve. I didn't have Thanksgiving. you know And for a decade of us being together and raising our kids, That was how it was.

00:24:19.79

Bre

And that was a real supportive role that I played at home. Like I was his partner. I was like his cheerleader. Like you go one way, you go the other. Like you're our income maker and I'm our homemaker and I'm raising the kids. But after about 10 years of that, I'm just exhausted. And we are looking at each other with nothing left.

00:24:36.37

Bre

We're both depleted.

00:24:38.36

Bre

There's nothing left of him to give when he comes home because he's worked 70 hours a week. So he needs to sleep in on Saturday. But I want him up. I want him with us. I want him with the kids. And we're looking at each other and my needs aren't met. And I am like, what are we going to do?

00:24:52.58

Bre

Because I don't even know you. And I didn't sign up to be a single parent. And, you know, we're we're having a really hard time and and deep talks.

00:25:02.19

Bre

And all of a sudden, like Chris gets this connection through, through me, always through me. I was like, I'm connected, but there was, um, I had, you know, just, I just know a lot of people kind of in this area through my own job. Like I, I meet a lot of people through aesthetics and I know a lot of people in in the, in the area. And, um, there was a ah chance to go work at this, you know, amazing resort that was out in the mountains kind of behind our home.

00:25:36.56

Bre

And, you know, a connection of mine knew the owner and they just happened to be hiring at the same time. And they wrote him a letter of recommendation. He went out there and he toured the place and he was like, this is where i need to be.

00:25:50.41

Bre

And he's like this schedule and everything that they honor out here is about people's time and their families. And, you know, it is important to them just as it is important to us that we get, you know, time off and,

00:26:04.99

Bre

you know They closed the resort for a couple months in the summer because it's too hot here in Arizona.

00:26:10.20

Bre

And you know it's their time to do a lot of construction and maintenance. and And he was like, all of a sudden getting his time back and his schedule was going to have regular days off. And this was a resort that was only open to people who were staying there.

00:26:26.22

Bre

So they didn't do Christmas morning. They didn't do Mother's Day brunch. They didn't do the Easter egg hunt. And we got our relationship back because of that move.

00:26:36.40

Bre

And it was one of those talks with God that I was just praying, like, either we're going to make it or we're not, because the way that we're running this ship right now, the engine is just maxed out and we are two ships in the night.

00:26:48.09

Bre

We are not connecting as a couple. We're not recharging. And these kids are going to get old enough to where they start to see that you're not around because now they're getting older.

00:26:57.52

yeah

00:26:57.69

Bre

And so that first 10 years, we got away with having Christmas morning on a Tuesday if we had to but we're not going to be able to anymore.

00:27:04.55

right

00:27:05.90

Bre

These kids are going to know of your absence. And I don't want that. And that is a big wedge in our marriage. And I've I feel like it was just one of those conversations that I was just having with God and like praying for my marriage and praying for for Chris and that he could have a break because the man cannot go at that pace and be sustainable.

00:27:28.45

Bre

And we got this change in our in our schedule. And that brought him back home more, which gave him more time to help me. And when a man helps a woman, what does that do to your relationship?

00:27:42.60

Bre

Like all of a sudden we're in love again. and I, I love the work that he has put in and the fights that we used to have about, you know, him being gone all the time. Like I know in my heart, you know, now that that was just him trying to provide for us the best he can and do the most.

00:28:03.14

Bre

He was maxed out. And this career change helped like save us. And now he's present for the kids. And that could only have come from God and what I was, you know, really trying to put out there.

00:28:19.62

Bre

But that didn't come out of nowhere, because there was this time around COVID and around, you know, my girlfriend's passing and

00:28:29.78

Bre

you know, there was about four years in there where Chris hadn't really transitioned into this role and, and we're still just running on empty. And, and I, I had this night where I just got on my knees again and I just prayed to God and I asked him to come back into my heart.

00:28:46.71

Bre

And I remembered that prayer that Jim gave me and I didn't know all the words, but I remembered the gist of it. And I just said that I cannot do this alone. And you've got to live in my heart and and keep me on your path and show me which direction to go and keep giving me the signs to so that I know I'm on your right path because I can only do this like with you.

00:29:10.26

Bre

And and I prayed that prayer again.

00:29:13.67

Bre

And I think even then I may have opened my eyes like, did it happen?

00:29:18.69

Lightning bolts? But like rattles in the walls, anything?

00:29:24.35

Bre

But then the gifts started coming and Chris got his new position.

00:29:29.12

Bre

You know, I just started seeing the changes more rapidly over these last, you know, i think it's been five years since that moment. And, you know, the testimony, I think, gets stronger and harder even from then, because now that I've I've been looking for the signs and asking God to show up in my life, I look for all the fun ways that I can see God And I think I just shared with you earlier about like these little angel numbers that I see and these little God winks, I call them God winks. Anytime, you know, that you see God show up in your life or, you know, something goes your way.

00:30:08.09

Bre

You know, I started just audibly talking to God in the car. I started audibly saying, everything goes my way.

00:30:14.45

Bre

I'm like, thank you, Lord. And like the light turns green and I'm like, thank you, Lord. Everything goes my way. And yeah I'm just like, you know, looking for, you know, all the little, the little signs, because that was important to me because that was my roadblock.

00:30:28.90

Bre

You know, I always kept telling Jim, well, don't really see him. I don't know that he's there. So I'm asking God now to show up and show me that you're here. Show me that I'm on the right path because, you know, Jim had,

00:30:41.59

Bre

always told me that there are, you know, signs from God and, and you have to stay on God's path. You know, God knows your, your path more than you do. And the more you try to control it and go this way, and God wants you this way, he's going to steer you back to his path. And, but it's up to you as a human and and our free will to follow that right path and to see those signs that you're headed the right way.

00:31:02.45

Bre

So now here, you know, I'm asking for God to show himself and, and, and give me the little winks and, and know that I'm surrounded.

00:31:09.93

Bre

And and I look for those little, little winks. And I look for things like, you know, the number nine, you know, as a little, as a little wink to me, because the number nine and in numerology means like, you know, kind of letting go of what no longer serves you.

00:31:25.21

Bre

You know, what, what in that moment when I saw the number nine or 999 was happening where I just go, you're right, God, just like let go of the things that no longer serve me. You know, it's a new start. It's a new beginning.

00:31:36.21

Bre

And, then and that's how I've really kind of led you know, my life through these past few years is just knowing like that I'm on your path. and And it's when those little things show up that I just laugh and I smile and I'm like, it's you God, like I see you.

00:31:49.87

Bre

And the big ways that he's moved in my life and in my career and in my family um are all stories, you know, of their own. And, you know, just recently, you know, over the past past few years,

00:32:08.59

Bre

you know, do I, do I have time to like go into my Jason story?

00:32:11.99

Sure. Go right ahead.

00:32:14.20

Share.

00:32:14.17

Bre

Do I have time? um When in, in my neighborhood, i guess there are a lot of, lot of kids, you know, a lot of moms, you know, we've, we've lived in this house for 11 years. So my kids have really grown up in the core of their childhood on this street. And there was,

00:32:37.89

Bre

you know, a few core moms than I that would always text each other like, hey, they're headed your way, or I fed them lunch, or, you know, can you watch them while I run to Target? And we all communally kind of raised these kids. And my house and another neighbor's house ended up being the the fun houses, the predominantly, you know, kid-packed houses.

00:32:54.81

Bre

And and um one day this this young little extra showed up at our house and we were outside playing. and And he was a little bit older than my kids at the time, and his name was Jason.

00:33:07.38

Bre

And he showed up out of nowhere. And we had lived in our house for a couple years now. And I was like, oh, hey, like, what are you doing? And he just walked up. We're outside playing. And I'm like, where'd you come from?

00:33:18.99

Bre

He's like, I live around the corner. And and I was like, you do? and he's like, yeah, I'm just out looking for friends. He just said he was out, you know, trying to find some kids to play with. And I was like, well, you can always play with us. Like, we're always out here. And a lot of the kids in this neighborhood hang out over here. But He was 12, and so you know my kids were like six and three at the time, but I'm like, all of us had these kids. They were 10, 11, 12, nine, all the way down to Corbin being three.

00:33:47.12

Bre

And I was like, well we just swim, we you know play basketball, we hang out. and And Jason started showing up all the time, and he would play with our kids. um We'd always feed him lunch, and he lived around the corner. And you know as we got to know him more, we got to know his life and his past more.

00:34:04.95

Bre

And he had shared with us that he lived in the house around the corner, but he had been adopted. um And his house had adopted a lot of kids. And some of them were very you know um had a lot of medical needs.

00:34:17.15

Bre

There was a lot of nurses over there a lot. there So he didn't have a lot of you know siblings that he played with. um And he didn't really come out of his house very much. And so when Jason started coming over, we were just happy to share our house.

00:34:31.82

Bre

and and share experiences because I knew he didn't get a lot of that at home. His family, you know, didn't go fishing a lot. They had a lot of medically, um a lot of medical need kids.

00:34:43.90

Bre

So we would take him fishing.

00:34:45.36

Yeah.

00:34:45.34

Bre

We would, you know, take him on the boat and, you know, always had him around. And and as he became, you know, 14 15, yeah I knew he was probably not coming home when he was supposed to get into into a little trouble. little Maybe some of it was age appropriate. Maybe some of it was bigger than I knew, but um our house was always his safe house.

00:35:06.03

Bre

He didn't have always a great upbringing at home.

00:35:07.42

yeah

00:35:09.11

Bre

um He would always come over to our house and eat, sometimes do his homework. Always was a good kid.

00:35:17.94

Bre

Jason had shared with us that he was adopted when he was about five or six to this family. So even prior to his adoption to our neighbors, you know, he was in another kind of um traumatic upbringing until he was about five, you know, his parents he had shared were both addicts, they you know, both had a past ah of crime and and and whatnot. And when he was adopted at five years old, that family changed his name.

00:35:47.08

Bre

So he really opened up to us about his own personal traumas. I mean, imagine being five years old and you know, having your name changed and having to go live with another family. and And I just had that moment too, as a mom, where I was like, this kid has just never had um like a true mom moment where somebody really wrapped their arms around him and loved him.

00:36:11.41

Bre

So we just wanted to show to him as a family. And my kids loved him. My husband would share things with him, you know, teaching him how to change a bike tire, go fishing, have experiences. just try to heal any of those little wounds that we could.

00:36:25.52

Bre

But when Jason was 16, his adoptive family essentially put him back into the foster care system. They signed over their rights to him and and gave him back, essentially, where he was then raised in group homes and in foster care. And when you turn 18, you are you are essentially let go. You can sign yourself out and you are released, or you could go into you know an extended foster care program, but now you have to follow their rules. You have to go to school. You have to get a job. and And for a lot of kids without that structure and the upbringing, they don't want to follow that path. They are just done. The door opens, they're out of the system and they just go.

00:37:09.62

Bre

And during that time, I didn't talk to Jason much at all. I didn't have any way of contacting him. I didn't know what had happened to him. um So pretty much from like 16 to 19, I didn't hear from him.

00:37:22.53

Bre

um But then when he was about 19, he reached out to me on Facebook and he wanted to share with me, you know, his successes and how he had, you know, been homeless for a long time and what that looked like for him and um what he's seen and what he's gone through and how he literally jumped out of a moving car to get out of that life one night. And he ended up meeting a mentor that night.

00:37:48.19

Bre

And that was an angel completely sent to God for him because he had literally jumped out of a moving car to get away from the life that he was living and ended up in the hospital. But when the hospital's done treating you, they open the door too. And where do you go?

00:38:01.76

Bre

He still had no home. He had no structure. he had no adult in his life. And he was hanging out in a parking lot and his mentor, Dre, had been eating there and walked out and saw this kid in the street and was like, Hey, do you need a place to go? And, you know, what's your story? And he kind of told him and Dre ended up being somebody who was, um, in the system. He worked in behavioral health and he mentored, you know, his own group of foster kids that had aged out of the system. And he was like, you know what, if you want to call me in the morning, and if you're serious about this, like, here's my number.

00:38:39.29

Bre

And Jason called him the next morning. And, um You know, Dre got him a place to stay, worked with him through the system and like that connection. Like, who do you run into in a parking lot?

00:38:49.81

Bre

You know, and besides this angel who was sent to you that has his own behavioral health company and works with extended foster care youth and knows the system and worked to get Jason his own apartment.

00:39:01.94

Bre

So Jason had called me and was so excited to share that he was on his own. He had a girlfriend. and all of the things. And so life was looking good for him and he'd gotten a job.

00:39:14.23

Bre

But just as soon as I'd come into his life, you know, we had invited him over to Thanksgiving. he was there for, you know, Christmas because this was kind of a short time um of like, Hey, you're back in our life. It was right around the holidays. So we spent a lot of like really great moments together. I want to show him em a Christmas, you've got him presents and, and all that.

00:39:33.94

Bre

But then quickly, you know, his life kind of snowballed out of control and he lost his job and then he didn't have the income to pay for the apartment. And, and as fast as he got, it was as fast as he was losing it.

00:39:46.44

Bre

So it was a short time of a win.

00:39:48.61

Bre

but was a fast turnaround for us for when he lost it, because a lot of these kids that age out of foster care, they don't have life skills. They don't know how to manage manage money. They, you know, don't have job skills. They're, they're literally just children sometimes that have been raised without any kind of parent or structure.

00:40:05.60

Bre

And, um, then they're released to the world. And when Jason lost his apartment, it was as fast as he got it, as fast as he lost it. And I was there that morning and, you know, he was asked to leave his apartment because the rent wasn't being paid and and they turned that key and you're out.

00:40:24.67

Bre

And here I am with Jason in my car. And I was like, I guess just come home with me. I don't know where to put you. um But I cannot let the world just eat you up. I can't. I can't.

00:40:38.92

Bre

um I can't tell you to go to men's shelter somewhere down in the center of Phoenix.

00:40:39.89

Yeah.

00:40:46.33

Bre

Like you are still that child that walked onto my sidewalk that day when you were 12. And I I know you and I know your heart and i know your past and you're coming home with me. And and my husband and my family,

00:41:01.11

Bre

um were just as supportive. And we had a lot of talks, you know, about what are we going to do with Jason right now? Like all of a sudden we have absorbed an extra kid and, you know, it was like, okay, well, temporarily, like, you know, head up to the guest room, like, you know, where, where the guest room is, go get settled.

00:41:21.05

Bre

um Let us think for a minute. And, you know, my husband was really supportive and he was like, you know, um As long as he's doing his stuff, you know, he can stay here and rebuild his life. And, you know, we had to get big plans and big things in order. And um we wanted to, you know, get him involved in a GED.

00:41:40.45

Bre

um We started, you know, being that adult voice to help him lead. A lot of these kids are just paralyzed. They can't even pick up a phone. They don't know how to make an appointment.

00:41:48.57

Bre

They don't know how to talk to people.

00:41:51.50

Bre

So all of a sudden I'm just mom in this moment, you know, moms have superpowers.

00:41:56.60

Bre

I'm like, we're gonna sit down. This is who we're calling. We're getting Dre on the phone. We're getting, you know, leads. We're gonna find out who your, you know, your, your navigators are, your counselors. And we're gonna, there is this program called extended foster care and,

00:42:09.30

Bre

you know, to get back in, you are a ah youth of this system that has aged out. You have benefits that are owed to you and money and, you know, systems in place that will help you get a GED and help you get a job, but you don't know how to navigate it. And you tried to do it on your own when that door opened and it didn't work.

00:42:28.84

Bre

So now we have Jason in our lives and and, you know, I talked to all of my kids, where I've got my two boys and and I was like, you know, what do you guys think about sharing this space?

00:42:39.31

Bre

with Jason, because not only ultimately am I asking you to share your space, your bathroom, your bedroom, your video games, but I'm asking you to share your parents. And we have this kid who has all of a sudden been laid at our feet.

00:42:55.21

Bre

And that was no mistake. And I knew that God had given me my chance to take over raising Jason and to show him a motherly love, just like I was laid at Marilyn and Jim's feet.

00:43:08.62

Bre

And I didn't make that connection until I was older. I'm 45 years old now. And I did not know that that moment when I was 19, that that was God drawing me to, you know, this couple that could give me that motherly hug and show me, you know, a family sitting around a table.

00:43:27.04

Bre

And, you know, I didn't think I needed it at the moment because my shell was so thick and so hardened.

00:43:32.36

Bre

I had done it my own way my whole life.

00:43:35.15

Bre

I've raised myself like

00:43:36.50

yeah

00:43:36.96

Bre

I see it now. And I knew that that was my calling. And regardless of what anybody else thought in the bigger picture, i had Jason in our home and with us, and it was our time and our family collectively that had to agree to take over this task and, and start building his foundation in his adult life because he was 19, but developmentally probably 15.

00:44:03.23

Bre

And, you know, you think about your own kids and,

00:44:08.34

Bre

when they're at these milestones of like 15, 16, and how we have to parent them and shape them and guide them so that they can be good citizens in this world.

00:44:19.27

Bre

And Jason had no foundation. Everybody that was given a chance to take over his care had failed him, you know, and by maybe no fault of their own, you know, I'm not, I'm not here to judge their stories and how they ended up that way.

00:44:33.25

Bre

But I just know, from him as a little boy born into this world who was given up at five years old, given a new identity, but adopted into a family that didn't have the means to care for him either.

00:44:45.14

Bre

They had adopted a lot of children and some of them had bigger needs than he had. And you know his behavior started becoming a problem. So they gave him back to the system.

00:44:55.84

Bre

and the system that failed at raising him too. They're overpopulated. There's no one to teach them adult skills or life skills. And a lot of those kids are not capable of sitting down in classrooms and learning. you know it's ah It's a whole broken system of its own.

00:45:10.14

Bre

And so now here he is back at my front door, back where we met, and it's our chance to take him back in and and show him love and structure and try to set him up for success and get all of his adult things in order.

00:45:24.97

Bre

And you know, that, that time with him did not come without its challenges. You know, we're bringing in um a kid that is not ours, who is not raised in our family, um who has always done things his way, his own way.

00:45:42.28

Bre

And I have to put a little parenting structure on him. And so it was not easy. And I did bring him back to church and to CCV a lot.

00:45:52.14

Bre

And There were times where I would hear a service on a Saturday and they repeated that service on Monday. And I'm like, this message is what was for Jason. You're coming on Monday and you're sitting next to me and you're going to it.

00:46:01.55

We're going.

00:46:02.71

Bre

We're going. and And the way that Jason and I would talk was always on a very profound kind of level. We had our own kind of connection where I could really peel back those layers and talk to him um like a mom and like a mentor. and And we would talk about God and we would talk about the stories that Jim,

00:46:23.02

Bre

would tell me about how to find God and to look the signs and to be on the right path.

00:46:27.76

Bre

And the path that he's been following has not been ah godly path. And he has to get back on, you know, this side and, and just trying to help Jason see, you know, some of that veil being lifted and, and the peace and, and just knowing the life that he's lived being homeless is always going to be a life that I will never understand.

00:46:52.74

Bre

I didn't go through that experience. But what I could share with Jason was that you will not be alone. And when, you when you are out there, you know, on your own and, and you're afraid, or you don't know who to turn to, or you don't know what to do next, like you've always got God with you and you can use your voice and you can talk to him and, and,

00:47:13.71

Bre

I could see some of those like, really? Like kind of light bulb moments. and And there were times where I'd say things to Jason and he would say, nobody's ever said that to me before. And then I would just say, you know, like, I love you. And he would say like, nobody's ever said that to me before.

00:47:27.24

Bre

and And I just knew that no matter what this looked like, you know, to anybody else, and and that was always kind of my my wall a little bit too, was like,

00:47:39.11

Bre

All of a sudden I took in the neighbor kid again and you know he's living in our house and And I had to let all of those outside stories just close off because I knew what God was asking me to do and And the money that I poured into Jason and the time I poured into Jason was you know something that you and I had talked about even as that being my tithe and and this being my charity.

00:48:03.85

Bre

this was, this was the place that I was pouring myself into it it may not be the traditional way that, you know, you tithe to a church. And so that was another block in my own stories.

00:48:14.57

Bre

Like, am I Christian enough? I'm not doing enough. My money's not going here. I'm not following all these rules. And it was you who really helped share with me that it doesn't always fit in this box of what this looks like, that I am doing my God calling work.

00:48:30.77

Bre

And this is my way of sharing.

00:48:31.91

Absolutely, yes.

00:48:34.79

Bre

And, you know, we, We would talk to our boys, you know, about the good times and the bad times and kind of what they were seeing, you know, and and what they were experiencing. Because like I said, it wasn't easy. And sometimes there would be some real challenges.

00:48:48.61

Bre

um And those were always good parenting moments to me to share with my own kids.

00:48:53.50

Sure.

00:48:54.69

Bre

And then when it got really hard in the end and we all had to go our own way and... and I didn't get out of it what I thought I was going to get out of it. And I had a whole different vision of like what this will look like and what I need out of it.

00:49:06.44

Bre

And gosh, he's going to get his GED and we're going to get a job and an apartment and this is going to be a win. And I'm going to set him up for his life. And it didn't go that way at all.

00:49:16.95

Bre

And I was like broken.

00:49:19.88

Bre

And like Jason left our house and we didn't leave on very good terms, you know, because we I was trying to shape him one way and he was, you know, pulling a different way and now he's 20 and, and it was just his time. Like I, it was his time to go out and be on his own. And I just had a different vision of like, as a mother, what I wanted for my, my extra son.

00:49:42.97

Bre

And when it didn't come out that way, I thought like maybe I failed or, you know, now he's just going to go back to being homeless because he, he chose that he chose to leave our house.

00:49:53.84

Bre

And that's where he felt more comfortable and he wanted to do it his way. And, and we had some you know turmoil in there. There was a good chunk where I just didn't know if that time together was worth it.

00:50:08.40

Bre

Like we left with a lot of broken hearts, broken pieces, and it didn't end the way I thought.

00:50:12.86

Bre

And Jason and I didn't speak kindly to each other in the end. And, you know, I didn't, I'm not in a yelling family. I don't yell at my kids. My kids don't yell at me. We've worked very hard at that. And like, here I am with this kid, just locked horns, you know, and we would have really yucky ending conversations that I wasn't proud of that weren't even coming from me.

00:50:32.74

Bre

And I was like, what, what, it what is happening? And like, I'm not even who I'm, who I am as, um as a mother.

00:50:39.85

Bre

I don't, I don't mother this way. And, and, and we, you know, blew up at each other one day and, you know, he didn't come home for two weeks and, you know, I was broken and I, but I was like, my, my kid is out there in in the darkness in the night.

00:50:55.04

Bre

And I don't know where he is.

00:50:55.92

Bre

it was still this mothering piece of me that I was like, that is not us. And I need to mend that relationship. And I always held space for him as he navigated his life out there, you know, now without us.

00:51:08.55

Bre

And I would still, you know, be there for him. And I would still show up when he needed me, but we were just in a very different um, space. And, um, that relationship took a long time to heal.

00:51:21.26

Bre

And, but Jason was always one of those kids that I would have those Godly connections and those talks with, and we would always talk about numbers. And, you know, I was kind of helping him see where God does show up because he was starting to connect to like little numbers where he would text me and he'd say, I saw, you you know, three, three, three, and one, one, one.

00:51:40.89

Bre

And, and all of those little numbers, if you ever look them up, they have little messages and you know, sometimes they're just little winks that say the actual number means like you're on the right path um or, you know, your finances are, you know, abundant or secure, or this is a good financial move.

00:51:58.63

Bre

And and so Jason and I would text each other these little winks and have have those good conversations. And um the the number nine was another one that I had shared earlier.

00:52:10.13

Bre

And when Jason left our house, it was, nine months that he had been with us. It was the beginning of 2025.

00:52:22.03

Bre

And if you add up two and like, let's see, what was it? Like 25 is like the number nine, like 2025, something.

00:52:29.99

Two and two and five is nine. Yeah.

00:52:32.14

Bre

It was like somewhere in there. And so I was like, and the number nine is like, give up and surrender what no longer serves you, like what you no longer need. And Jason didn't need me anymore in this way. Like he needed to go out on his own. Like he was giving up what no longer served him. And I was giving up what no longer served me. And he and I were able to have that conversation. And I would like, you know, say to him like later when we were actually able to have a good conversation,

00:53:00.10

Bre

Like, do you know that you were with us for nine months?

00:53:02.37

Bre

And he'd be like, no way. And be like, yeah, like you made it to nine and no longer served you.

00:53:07.06

Bre

And it wasn't where you're supposed to be anymore. And I raised you through that time when you needed your, he needed to regulate really is what it came down to that time when he was with us. He was coming off of being homelessness and trying to, you know, be on his own and have his own apartment and, you know, going through, you know, a hard breakup and his poor little central nervous system.

00:53:26.48

Bre

Like he just needed love and he needed to breathe and he needed to, sleep and he needed to be fed.

00:53:33.54

Bre

And then he and I started talking more about like the real look behind the curtain. Like what was your experience like when you lived with us?

00:53:43.92

Bre

It was like, you know, I know you think that your help didn't help me, but it really helped me more ways that you know. And he's like, I know that God's got me. And I know that like, I'm not alone.

00:53:55.25

Bre

And this is the path that I'm supposed to be on. And he repeats a lot of what I say, which means he hears and he listens to what I say.

00:54:00.91

Yes.

00:54:02.58

Bre

And he shared that.

00:54:04.98

Bre

Yep. He would say, um you, you helped me more than you think you did. and and there are times now when I'm talking to people who are in a tough time and they will say to me, you are wise beyond your years, like you speak so eloquently. And, and you know, he said to us, there just came a time when your house was too oriented.

00:54:29.19

Bre

And, you know, the opposite of oriented is disoriented. And he lives better in the disoriented, chaotic life.

00:54:36.84

Yeah, he's comfortable there.

00:54:37.66

Bre

he's comfortable there. And that is what he knows. And he was like, your family was too oriented. Like we had it together a little too much. And I wanted to just raise him to get a job and to go to school.

00:54:50.17

Bre

And, you know, like I would raise my own.

00:54:52.08

Yeah.

00:54:52.79

Bre

And I thought that's what I needed out of this whole journey. I thought that's why God brought him to me. Like, oh, you're going to turn him into, you know, a good law abiding citizen and he's going to come out with a GED.

00:55:04.66

Bre

And then I realized just hearing it through Jason, that what he got out of me was maternal, like maternal love, parenting, a home, sleep, rest, food, safety.

00:55:17.09

Bre

I met different needs, the basic needs that we need as humans that he didn't have out there living

00:55:24.15

Bre

you know, in parks and apartments that were abandoned and he was jumping around and God just brought him back to me and he laid this broken boy at our feet. And he was like, it's your turn.

00:55:35.82

Bre

You've, you've got to be able to help carry him and heal him. And I gave him that nine months and that time. And then it just no longer served me and it no longer served Jason.

00:55:45.30

Bre

He was ready to go out on his own. He was going to be 21. He had to go be a man in the world. And now he has to go live his life. Cause I don't have control. I don't have control over his life as much as I wanted to shape it.

00:55:57.70

Bre

And I saw a bigger picture and I saw a better life for him.

00:56:02.13

Bre

He had to go out on his own. And that day that he and i were actually able to sit down and talk, this wasn't actually too long ago. And he just said to me, like, you've carried me through so much, but it's okay to let me go now.

00:56:20.23

Bre

I was just sobbing and I was like, thank you, God. Like, this was the conversation that I really wanted. I wanted to hear this.

00:56:27.26

Bre

I felt like I left with an emptiness. Like, I didn't get anything out of this, Lord. Like, I got I got him a driver's license. Like, that's it? Like, it's all I have to show? i was, I thought I had a different vision, like, that I was going to set him up for.

00:56:41.30

Bre

and then I just realized that God's got it.

00:56:44.23

Bre

And my role was to bring him closer to God and pass him over.

00:56:49.34

Bre

and bridge that gap for Jason and just be his parent and be his, yeah.

00:56:54.96

It's so good.

00:56:57.09

Bre

And, you know, my boys got to play a part in that.

00:57:00.19

Bre

My husband had to play a part in that. um But ultimately it was always kind of my project. It was my my mothering project that I had to kind of see through and give this boy a foundation that would not fall out from underneath him.

00:57:14.88

Bre

And that's truly what God does to all of us.

00:57:17.84

Bre

And what I've seen, what I had to learn first, I had to have my own foundation before I could teach somebody else or to be there for somebody else. And I had spent all this time you know talking to God and asking, like, show me the signs because my biggest hangup when I talked to Jim was, well, don't really see him. Like, I don't know, what what am I looking at?

00:57:37.44

Bre

And then, you know, God starts showing me the fun stuff like little winks. Here's a little, you know, 999. Here's 111.

00:57:44.16

Bre

I'm with you. You're on the right path. And I'm looking for that. You show up behind a license plate, you know, the car in front of you and it says 111.

00:57:50.59

Bre

And I'm filled with joy. I'm like, there you are, God. Like, I hear you. Thank you for the little message today.

00:57:54.98

Yeah.

00:57:55.20

Bre

Thank you for the wink. And I just think that that's fun, vibrant way to just like praise him every day without being so, you know, like it's just between me and him.

00:58:06.14

Bre

I thought like maybe my relationship had to look so differently and maybe I wasn't doing it right enough.

00:58:11.69

Bre

I haven't read the Bible. I'm not a good enough Christian. i don't tithe to the church. You know, i I didn't think that I had a testimony. i didn't think that I had a seat at this table.

00:58:21.41

Bre

Like ah it's my testimony is not ready.

00:58:24.12

Bre

um I'm not Christian enough.

00:58:27.57

The lies we tell ourselves.

00:58:30.74

Bre

And it's all just oh like the veil and see where he really is and how he shows up in your relationships.

00:58:39.22

Right. Amen. That's so good that I'm so glad you talked about Jason because that was so powerful. I do want you, we're right at an hour, but I still want you to finish up with the story of what's been going on in your life just recently.

00:58:51.65

And because I love your perspective on it and I can so relate to it. So I just want you to share that. I know it's not a quick story, but as quickly as you can.

00:58:58.91

Bre

Yeah, as quickly as I can. My family suffered a garage fire over the summer and it completely just like flipped our life like upside down because all of a sudden, you know, we can't go home. We have nowhere to stay. um You can't stay in the house. So where else are we going to go? And we were able to luckily like move into my in-law's house.

00:59:21.45

Bre

um But the, you know, the sad part of that is we had recently lost my mother-in-law. um a few months before to and aortic aneurysm, which is, you know, something that, you know, you share a very big story about, but, you know, I called you that day and I was like, she didn't make it like, and, and you know, you did just a, a huge big picture of like what life could have looked like.

00:59:47.73

Bre

And unfortunately for us, like, you know, Grandma Lori didn't make it through hers. And we had that huge hole in our heart and our family. And, you know, Grandpa Dave was in deep mourning. Like, you know, that was so sudden and so unexpected. We had no idea that that was going to happen. And just one day she's there and and then she was gone. and And then, you know, we had about four months of just living in this kind of sadness. and And then we have this house fire and we've got to move into Grandpa Dave's house. And so in order to do that, we've we've got to help Grandpa Dave move a lot of things out of the house, you know, of of Grandma's to make room for us and to give Ryder his own room and to help

01:00:26.63

Bre

you know, make this space livable to expand for all of us. And, and, um, Grandpa Dave, you know, was like very grateful for that. He's like, you did more in two days than I do in two years, because eventually you have to kind of move through these things and these big materialistic things that we really don't have attachments to.

01:00:44.54

Bre

Like sometimes they just got to go, we've got to make space and we've got to be able to clean things out.

01:00:49.22

Bre

And as quickly as like, you feel like this morning, all of a sudden you feel like, There's a reason and we got to start moving. And now I'm looking at my house that has just, you know, been taken down to the studs in the garage and I have lost so many material things like they just give me this list that now has um almost 1400 items on it of things that they threw away that did not make it out of this fire and

01:01:13.10

Bre

And we're just digesting this and we're like, our things are just gone. and And then we're kind of making this, you know, sudden connection to that, like Grandma Lori had a ah lifetime of stuff in her house that really has no meaning to us anymore. And we've just got to move it out fast so that we can move in.

01:01:29.84

Bre

And these material things that we're just like dumping from our house and from Grandpa's house, you know, you just realize there's no there's no meaning to these items. Like we're safe, our family's safe, our dog is safe.

01:01:40.77

Right.

01:01:42.10

Bre

They don't mean what we think they mean.

01:01:43.02

Right. Mm-hmm.

01:01:44.51

Bre

And, you know, the big blessing out of all of this is like, I get to have a new space. They're going to paint my house. I'm going to have a clean house. I'm going to get new beds. They threw my ah my beds away. I'm going to get some new rugs.

01:02:00.59

Bre

But the bigger thing is they just cleaned out a lifetime of my stuff that I didn't need and that I've been hanging on to and that I had so much value on. And all of us are going to pass someday and leave this behind to our kids, just like Lori did.

01:02:15.47

Bre

And we had closets and a lifetime of stuff in the garage and things of her stuff that all of a sudden we have no attachment to because it's got to go. And we're just hauling it to goodwill and we're giving it away and giving it to people who want it and need it.

01:02:28.90

Bre

And this is happening at my own house. And we are just cleansing all of our lives. And now we're here with Grandpa Dave and, you know, he's healing the house is you know, noisy again, we're feeding him

01:02:39.97

Bre

We're, you know, bigger, stronger foundation because we lost our matriarch. We lost Lori. She was the mother of all of us. And, know, And now that role is kind of mine.

01:02:49.83

Bre

And, um you know, ah the way that our family has just been able to detach from all of this, our kids are following kind of our suit. I think a lot of people are like, how are the boys doing?

01:03:00.54

Bre

you know, they lost all of their things too. Their dirt bikes, their scooters, their toys.

01:03:03.56

yeah look let me Let me interrupt you because I think when people hear you say we had a garage fire, they're not understanding fully that your garage burned, but it affected your whole entire house. So when you say we had a garage fire, everything in your house basically had to be thrown away. You could not go back in.

01:03:23.41

They came in and literally just...

01:03:26.11

they they I think you had mentioned to me that you thought, oh, they'll be able to like clean all of these things, right? Because it's the smoke and it's the whatever, I'm sure whatever they spray to get the fire out, like these things are just everywhere.

01:03:40.46

But what you then came to find out is like, they basically threw away your entire life. And I know that, you know, we had we had so many back and forths about this.

01:03:50.01

And like, just as you processed, like, oh my gosh, like you love Halloween. And so here we are, do you know, this time of year. And it's like, you used to host all the parties and you had all the decorations and all the things and it's gone.

01:04:01.85

And that was like part of your identity and it's gone. And like all your makeup and your skincare and like your the esthetician and all it's all gone.

01:04:03.82

Bre

Mm-hmm.

01:04:10.22

And your children, all of their things are gone. And it's just like, You know, you could have really sat and wallowed and asked God why after this hard year, we lost Grandma Lori, all of this with Jason, you know, like, and you, you're, as you sat with it, and as you processed it, and, you know, as God helped you through it.

01:04:32.99

you just started saying like, thank God we have this fire. Like I am so grateful for this fire. And I just can relate to it so much because it's exactly how I feel about, you know, my aneurysm, like, thank God.

01:04:44.59

And I feel actually so blessed and lucky if that's a word we're allowed to say that it happened to me.

01:04:49.96

Bre

Thank you.

01:04:50.90

Like, I'm so grateful that I, that this is my story. And I just see you like leaning so into that. and you're like, thank God this happened. Like, we don't need all that stuff. And, you know, now I get, you have like this, just you're excited. You get to move back into a clean house and with new paint and like, you're redoing the bathroom and like, just, it's such a blessing, you know, like we can, we can just look, it's like everything in our life, depending on the way you look at it, it can be, it can be good or it can be bad. And it literally is just based on your mindset around what it is.

01:05:24.67

Bre

That's so true. That is, it it is so true. It is about your mindset. And I, and it was out of my control and I couldn't control it. And somebody made the choices for me when they started throwing stuff away. i was like, okay, there, you know, I have no control.

01:05:38.47

Bre

i don't, I don't need it. And I can choose to rebuy it or just, you you know, be grateful that that weight has lifted. And once all your clutter is clean, I think your life feels lighter.

01:05:49.09

Bre

And so like, if truly,

01:05:51.84

Bre

to share with everybody, just clean everything out. You know, even if it's such a analogy for everything like life and, you know, cobwebs in your closets, both spiritually, mentally, physically, like the things that everything just clean out your closet and just, you know, get, get rid of it and give it to God, get, give it to Goodwill.

01:06:14.10

That's right. Give it to God.

01:06:16.03

Give it to Goodwill. I love it. That needs to be the the name of this episode. but oh So good. No, it really is.

01:06:24.19

Bre

Thank you. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

01:06:25.68

it's It's so amazing. I've been so proud of you just as you've just gone through all of this. And even with the Jason stuff, you know, as you're talking, I'm almost like to like, you made so many correlations of like, oh, you know, Jim shared this with me. And it's like, I started thinking like, oh my gosh, like you, you may have like healed little Bri too, you know, because like you got to swoop in and heal this, this kid that didn't have a mom.

01:06:52.69

And he needed one. And you were that kid who didn't have a mom and you needed one.

01:06:56.73

That's just such a beautiful story. And just like such a full circle moment and just such a beautiful, you know, way to see God working in the world. And also just the idea of you saying like, no, God, like that wasn't what I needed out of that.

01:07:12.31

And it's like, ah all I was thinking is, well, his base are his ways are better, right? Like his thoughts are not your thoughts. And, Your ways are not his ways, but his are better. And so it's like, no matter how that ended up, that was his plan for Jason and his plan for you.

01:07:26.45

And I just am so grateful that you came on here to share all this. Like without question, the Lord was like, listen, you're going on this podcast. I'm playing it in your car and it's happening tomorrow.

01:07:36.44

Bre

Yeah, tomorrow. I'm not giving you any time to back out or to overthink this or to write your story.

01:07:43.08

You did try. You said, I don't know about my WiFi.

01:07:44.60

Bre

Because...

01:07:45.89

And you know, it's been I've been praying this whole time, because it's been a little spotty, but I think it's going to be fine. ah But I was like, Oh, it sounds like you had a ah conviction that you were going to do it.

01:07:55.85

And then you talked yourself out of it by giving yourself an excuse. And so I'm so proud of you for showing up.

01:08:01.60

Bre

It's so true. It's so true. it is. It is so true. And this next little piece, I'm going to make it quick, but it this will just like be the wrap it all up because when you asked me wrap it up with a bow, you said, do you have, you know, like um a favorite Bible verse?

01:08:18.45

Bre

And I was like, That always kind of scared me. Like, no, because I've never read the Bible.

01:08:23.98

Yeah.

01:08:24.03

Bre

Like, I don't know it enough.

01:08:25.67

Yeah.

01:08:25.59

Bre

And like when you said, you know, ah you know, do you have a favorite Bible verse you want to share? And I was like, yes, I do. And I finally do. Because when um my son went to CCV Bible camp over the summer, he came home and he was like, oh, mom, I found this for you.

01:08:41.76

Bre

And he gave me this little wooden plaque and it says forgiven. and

01:08:48.32

Bre

I was like, why did he pick this up at camp and come back and be like, oh, look what I found for you. And I was like, because this is my sign from God. When I kept asking Jim, like, where are the signs? Show me the signs. Like, I need to know he's real. I need to see him.

01:09:02.71

Bre

My son is coming back from church camp and handing me this. And he doesn't know that I've been on my knees saying, I am sorry, God, for my actions, for the things I've done, for the things I've said. Just I can't do it my way anymore. I've got to do it yours and like live in my heart. And here I am getting this

01:09:16.93

and

01:09:16.78

Bre

message handed to me that says forgiven. So that enough like shook me to my core. So I throw this in my nightstand where it's always lived. And I never really thought about it again. My nightstand has like, you know, my bite guard for sleeping, you know, some chapsticks and eye masks and this in there and and whatnot. And so then the fire comes and they are just taking stuff out. I don't know what is left in my house in boxes somewhere, even to this day, we're still not in the house.

01:09:45.54

Bre

It's been three months. I have been in and out of this house a hundred times. It is completely empty. It has been, you know, when they first moved everything out, there was stuff all over the floor, you know, if dog hair and chapsticks and ink pens and things.

01:10:02.84

Bre

And then all of a sudden the house is clean and I'm going up and down the stairs. And this was sitting on the stairs at the top of the stairs. And I was like,

01:10:10.82

my gosh.

01:10:12.49

Bre

God, I thought, I didn't even know that I had lost this or even thought that I lost this, but this would be something I would grab out of a burning house now because they have been in and out of my house, more people than I know.

01:10:23.40

Bre

They have dumped drawers. They have packed things. I don't know what's left and what isn't. And this was sitting on the stairs, the stairs that I have gone up and down 20 times as I've been in and out of my house.

01:10:35.22

Bre

And this says forgiven. And it was John 1:9. And that says, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

01:10:47.27

and cleanse us. Yes. So good.

01:10:49.77

Bre

And I was like, this this is my sign. I mean, I'm looking for 222 and 999 and all these other little God winks and I'm on your path. And he's like, i'm putting it in your hands. You are forgiven.

01:11:01.52

That is so good. And even just the symbolism of purify after a fire. and And there are other translations that say cleanse, right? And so it's just like all of these things, every story you just told.

01:11:13.94

I mean, it's like a cleansing is happening in your life. And like, you know, you've gotten rid of so much and you've made room for God in your life. And I know that it's translating into your kids. Like you shared with me, like some very sweet things about your son and just God is so good.

01:11:27.57

Bre

Yeah. Yeah. And, and really when you start listening and looking and, And he he's there. He's just waiting for you to, you know, let your guard down and start talking to him.

01:11:38.51

That's right. Yep.

01:11:39.85

Bre

And that was hard, I think, for me, because I always felt silly. I was like, oh, I don't know how to pray. i don't know how to talk to God. And so I would just start in the car. And sometimes I would start in my head.

01:11:50.74

Bre

i was like, well, he can't hear me if I'm just thinking, do I got to say it out loud? Like, I didn't know the rules. I thought there was all this, like, structure.

01:11:55.94

but

01:11:58.22

Bre

I used to say a prayer at night, blow it to heaven. I go...

01:12:03.08

Bre

Thinking I had to get my words up there.

01:12:04.88

I had to get it up there. I used to think that if you said amen, it was like you were hanging up the phone. And so like, if you remembered something after, like it was just like, look gotta wait till tomorrow. You already said amen.

01:12:17.89

Bre

All the rules.

01:12:19.25

Oh, goodness.

01:12:18.99

Bre

You can't reach him after five.

01:12:20.91

and So many rules. ah yeah But there actually, there aren't any.

01:12:24.08

There aren't any. So, well, thank you so much for sharing all of that.

01:12:26.17

Bre

no rules in this.

01:12:29.17

That was so, oh, it just, the whole thing, just my heart was so full just listening. You did a great job and I'm so grateful and I love you and I just cherish you.

01:12:34.61

Bre

It was so fun. It was not really at all. I love I love you. And I i hope that everybody, you know, that has their testimony to share.

01:12:47.36

Bre

It's not too big. It's not too small. and It's all, like, it's all real.

01:12:51.00

Absolutely.

01:12:52.61

Bre

and and And everybody can feel like they can share it without being, like, scared and, like, that they're not worthy enough to have one. Yeah.

01:13:01.62

That's right. And our testimony is not about us. Our testimony is about glorifying God. And, you know, that's why he gives us one.

01:13:09.11

So I'm so, again, grateful for you. I love you. Everyone have a wonderful week.

01:13:15.47

I love you. I'm grateful for you as well. And I will see you back here next Monday. Later.