Allison: [00:00:00] Welcome back to the Author's Edge. I am your host, Allison Lane. And I'm so glad you're here and investing in yourself because if you don't, no one's going to for you. ~And today we're talking about,. ~Today, we're talking about what it looks like to outgrow the life and the job that wants to find you as someone who led corporate, big brand marketing for two and a half decades. You can do the math. It's 25 years.

I am was that person who was like, that is me and that is who I am. Especially, leading media relations for Pepsi and PR for Unilever. You know, ~that was, ~that was what I thought I was. And then you get this feeling, and you can't quite name it that you're like, what if I climbed this mountain and you realize ~that's not the mountain,~ that's not the view I want.

And that's why I'm so glad [00:01:00] JJ Flizanes. Wait, JJ, let me just make sure I pronounce it your right. Okay. That's why I'm so glad that joining me today is JJ Flizanes transformational coach, speaker, host of so many podcasts and helping women break free from the invisible patterns that keep us stuck. Even after we've already achieved success, because as high achievers we achieve, and then we're like, well, then what's next?

Or, and you, or you think the destination that I strove so hard to get to, I should be happy with that. But we're high achievers, we're addicted to the achieving. So if that's you, I, I want you to know, even before we get started, that JJ and I are going to be hosting a mastermind that goes deeper into why so many brilliant women.

Stay [00:02:00] invisible even after we've climbed that mountain. So that's coming up on Friday, April 10th, and you can grab the free VIP ticket using the code, Allison free all in caps, the link is in the show notes. Get that. So JJ, I'm so glad to have you here. This is such a powerful topic and I think a lot of. Women in particular are quietly experiencing this lament right now, and they don't really have language for it.

sometimes they say, I think I'm burnt out, but maybe it's not that. So I want to start here. What is it that you see high achieving women doing, and what is this mistake when they start to outgrow the very life? That they strove so hard to achieve.[00:03:00]

Oh, you put yourself on mute, girl.

JJ: Well, first of all, thank you Allison, for having me. I'm excited to be here and have this conversation and even more excited to do our masterclass on April 10th. I I want to sort of tell the audience, 'cause I'm going to be sharing this on my shows as well, a little bit about how we met. I was speaking at Pod Fest in, so were you in, In January in Orlando, and you attended my session and, you were, I think, the first person to reach out to me and give me some feedback and be like, oh my God, that was amazing. And I, I, my people need help. I I've run across so many women who are experiencing this, and it stops them from putting themselves out there and becoming more visible and, and really living their zone of genius.

What can we do about it? Because this isn't something, you know, I do some of this, but I don't do all of this, and I think you could probably help them. And I said, sure, this is a great topic. I'm a great problem solver. Just give me the problem and I'm going to give you the tools to solve it. Right.

Allison: Exactly. In fact, I, I came in [00:04:00] for your talk, it was after I spoke and, um, you were surrounded by women.

I, I just stood there going, I'm going to need to talk to you, but I actually have to go to this thing. We have to connect because there's a mindset, and I'm not even sure it's a mindset, but there's this like, self-imposed challenge that is, I, I observe. I don't think it's imposter syndrome, but I do think it's the, the, I know I want more, but I'm not sure what that path is, so I guess I won't take a step kind of thing.

And I think what you do to help people figure it out so that they can move forward is so. Critical and important because then when they come to me and say, I okay, I, I want, I'm ready to write this book, or I'm ready to [00:05:00] go out in a bigger way, then they're not carrying that weight of like, wait is, am I sure that this is what I want?

You know, that's the hard thing is when someone really can't put their finger on why they're not taking a step forward. And I'm, I don't do that. I don't do mindset. I'm, I will work with you if you are ready to party, but if you're not ready, JJ is for you because I, I am. I'm ready for action. Right. And JJ, when I heard you speak, I was like, oh my God, this is exactly what we need to be talking about.

So sorry to interrupt, but I, I wanted to just set the stage to why, why it's so important for you to figure out what's in your way. And sometimes there aren't words for that.

JJ: Well, it, you know. For you and me and how we kind of met and had this happen. You are looking at it from the point of view of, I have people who, that are coming to me that want to [00:06:00] grow in their profession or in their business or in their, their visibility, but they're, they're blocked and, and I'm not quite sure, again, you can call it mindset.

It's really not mindset. I actually really don't like that word because mindset makes it sound like it's really easy just to think something different, It doesn't take into consideration you have 88% of your subconscious brain with. Beliefs that you don't even maybe know what they are that are feeding you information all day long and you're just going to override it by white knuckling it and saying, oh no, but I'm going to try to think differently.

But yet, your entire body and subconscious are believing something to the opposite of what you're trying to make yourself do and that, so to me, it's more of a healing conversation. But In business or within visibility or within women. And you know, as we talked about it and as we put this together, I thought at first I thought, okay, I'm going to invite all the podcaster people that I know, all the business people that I know, people on LinkedIn, whatever.

And then the more I thought about it, I mean in my current rewire group, there are like three or four people in that group that would. want to do this, who, even though they're in the work that I'm doing, but it's the next level of [00:07:00] getting through, understanding and, and peeling back the layers of understanding your motivation.

When you are ready to press, go and put yourself out there, in my opinion. You have to understand to be successful and sustainable. 'cause that's really the key, right? You want to be sustainable in what you're doing. It's not a flash in the pants. It's not a like, okay, I'm just going to go put this out and I'm going to hope this happens.

The ones that succeed are the ones that have staying power, because there's something motivating you and directing you. It's your purpose, it's your passion, it's your dharma. And if you don't know what that is, then things you've done up until now may have been. A result of compensation for a wound like all the high achieving women.

And this is not a judgment 'cause I'm one of them. You might be performing for love. Maybe you grew up in a household that said, you know, in order to get attention, you've got to get straight A's you got to achieve. You got to show people that you are valuable by making money, by creating things, and that's the only way you're going to get love and attention.

And At some point as you get older, that wears [00:08:00] off because it's not, it's not rooted in what is truly your zone of genius, what your passion, purpose, dharma, whatever you think you're here in this lifetime to, to do or to be or to have or to share. If you're not clear about that, then we're just taking a lot of action that feels.

Empty. It's what, what, what's the goal here? Get a lot of followers. Okay. Then what? Get a lot of money. Okay. Then what? It's, you know, we have stages of development, both men and women, and just like you go to school, you learn different things in different grades. Right? You evolve, you expand, and as we get older, especially as women, we, we come into the queen stage.

Which is kind of where you and I are right now. We're at the beginning of that coin stage, but there's sort of a late princess stage. Right. And that late princess stage is really where people start to question, what have I been doing this whole time?

Allison: Right.

JJ: It's why, it's why. This is a funny analogy, but when I was younger, I would notice that certain gay men would come out in their like sixties.

In their sixties, and it was because in their king stage they [00:09:00] decided, I've been living my entire life for someone else, it's time for me to live my life for me. 'cause I could, 'cause now I am aware of my potential death and I can see here's how much time I have left and I'm not going to f around anymore.

I'm going to make this, I'm going to do what I want to do. It's almost like we are so programmed. To do for others instead of ourselves where whether to get their attention, to get their respect, to get their love, or to nurture or care for others at our expense. And we do it for so long until we get to our queen stage, which says, no, I'm done.

I'm done. I am done doing it for others. This is now about me and it's my turn. It's my turn to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it. And that shifts everything for everyone. So I think what happens is in these stages of development, we start asking different questions. We see that what we've done in the past might be temporarily.

Successful Monet monetarily, but maybe not emotionally. Maybe. We're like, okay, cool. And it's, it's an empty feeling. It's not like I'm building something that I am so proud [00:10:00] of that feeds me for the rest of my life. Because also we shift and we shift and we grow as women, especially those of us that are asking the curiosity questions of.

like My emotions and healing and relationships and we want to get better. We want to have joy and happiness and peace and, and all the things. When you're asking those questions again, you start to uncover deeper truths. You start to uncover like the root of things and what's really important in life. And, you know, you start to have people dying around you because of old age and.

And you know, and again, you, you kind of focus differently. You focus on this, what have I been doing, why I assume I have all this time. I assume many, many things. And then all of a sudden I realize that every decision I've ever made has been because someone else has either told me to do it or because I've rebelled against someone else and tell me I I couldn't do it.

Or, and to get someone's love or attention. So,

Allison: well, let's. Let me, let's back up and unpack a couple things because let's talk about what this moment looks like [00:11:00] in real life. Like how does a woman know that she's currently outgrowing her current life or career, and maybe hasn't admitted it yet? Hasn't realized it yet, but she feels like, like I I refer to it as a lament or like a, a melancholy, because we're, we get addicted to the.

The overachieving. And, and also we're taught to look for permission for the next thing from someone else.

JJ: Mm-hmm.

Allison: From the time you're in kindergarten, you can't go to first grade unless someone gives you the thumbs up and invites you. And that has a celebration for graduating from kindergarten and now they celebrate every year.

Like it's not, it's every year is like graduation from second grade and then third grade, and then you get to go to college.

And then in In every Class you, you pass, then you get to go to the next step and suddenly you're an adult and you realize, oh, I don't, there's not a set [00:12:00] pass, but at least you know you're advancing in in your career. Or maybe you measure that in dollars and cents, right? And then as a high achieving person, you achieve it. You go all the waves to the top.

And then what?

And

then what's supposed to happen, and that's when people usually come to me. I had a client say to me recently, I have accomplished everything I can accomplish. I have collected all the accolades, and now I'm looking at what's next, and realizing I have at least 10, maybe 20 years, and I don't want this to be it.

So I need help figuring out what it is and I, and I want it to not feel like a 17th job.

JJ: Yeah.

Allison: So let's just give people some clues. If [00:13:00] this is happening to you, then you are standing the way of your brilliance.

Okay

JJ, lay it out for us.

JJ: Yeah. You asked symptoms. What are some of the, you asked what are some of the indicators, right?

Allison: Yeah.

JJ: Anxiety.

Allison: Okay.

JJ: Okay. And let's look at addiction for a second because most people think they don't have an addiction. I mean, you mentioned, so workaholism is an addiction. Yeah. Overachieving is an addiction. Right. Um, there are heart addictions, which we all are know it's drugs and tobacco and right, so heart, alcohol.

Those would be heart addictions. But most of us have soft addictions. We all have addictions. So just put that aside. You have an addiction, so know what it is. the soft addiction that I think most people have, especially high achieving women, is control. We have control issues, but it could be addicted to the way that you look addicted to your story, addicted to, you know, getting the next prize, right?

Like being, being in your [00:14:00] masculine and like getting that next target. Like you're collecting degrees, you're collecting certifications, you're collecting, accolades and, and prizes and things like that. So, so that, that can be another right for what? For what? So I had a client years ago who listened to my show.

She's still kind of part of my community. But we had done a, I was in my certification process where I was, running one of my certifications and she was a beta tester. She came in to do some coaching work with the group and. The story that she told was that what her goal was, was to stop drinking so much and she wasn't, I mean, I don't think she was totally abusing it.

I mean there's, I guess there's variations for everybody, right? she didn't want to come home every night and drink, you know, several glasses of wine. She wanted to, and she wanted to lose weight 'cause she was overeating or making bad choices. So I let all the coaches kind of go through and ask questions and then, and she told us her story and we had a whole form filled out and by the end and I listened, and then I stopped and I said, you're not doing what you want to be doing.

This top level [00:15:00] shit that you're doing is because you are repressing what really wants to come out of you, which is you're an artist, but you're a nurse to make money because you didn't think you could make it as an artist. Or someone told you you could make it as an artist, or you haven't tried to make it as an artist, but your degree is an art.

And you want to be doing art. but You're not. So, our creative expression needs to have an outlet. So when someone is repressing it, they're going to do it. Th they're going to either be repressing it and not having any outlet, so they're going to be anxious. There probably may even be depressed because, one kind of depression, there are three kinds of depression.

One is chemical, which quite frankly, most people don't have the way they think they do it. There is less chemical depression than people think there is. So people that are on medication are ruining their gut. And then there. Now chemically imbalanced, but there's situational depression where we misunderstood something.

Let's say in our life, and I'll give you an example of that. Or there's repression, which equals depression because we're holding back natural flows of energy that comes [00:16:00] from our, our womb, that comes from our sacral chakra. We have, we have something to give. We have, we have something to say. Thyroid issues come because people are repressing their voice.

They're not speaking their truths. So we have, yes.

Yeah me

Allison: I, I had, I had to have a thyroidectomy. Yep. And, and, um, and I was repress, and that was before I started doing this. Because I had been repressing.

JJ: Mm-hmm.

Allison: You know, so true. You really, you gave an example I want to hit on, which is the procrast to learning.

It's the, Uh I actually had a client say to me, I think I need to get another PhD before I can do this. And I almost threw my pen at the screen. I was like, seriously? No, no one except you thinks that you need another PhD. That is insanity. You if you are 62 years old and you [00:17:00] think that you need another certification to do something that you are already an expert in because you, you, you have a lifetime of experience doing something.

You don't need another piece of paper that says you are qualified or you don't need someone else to say, this is okay. I mean, that's what that is. That and the other, the another PhD, another certification, another class. You take no one, it's, it's hard to shed all of the schooling. That means that you can only do the thing you want when someone else says it's okay,

JJ: but we're, it's because we're trained to look at degrees and someone's qualifications before we're looking at whether or not I resonate with you and whether or not you've lived it in your life.

I'm an example of that because when I was going through my divorce. And I had gone, we'd gone to a couple different therapists, but [00:18:00] my whole entire marriage was the masterclass. It's why I started my podcast was to save my marriage. So everything I learned, I applied to myself and to my ex-husband. And I did it because I also knew that he wouldn't listen to me.

So I brought on people that I had learned from in order to say it. So he'd listened to them versus me. And it worked for a little while. but it really, really grew me so much so, and it, it pointed me. and Focus me so much more than anything else would have to learn all this. And I'd already been curious my whole life and studied human behavior my whole life.

But I'm not a therapist. I was a personal trainer. I was an actress, which actually is really good for, for understanding human behavior when you do certain kinds of acting modalities. 'cause you have to learn things you don't know and embodies somebody who isn't you. And, and that gives you a lot of perspective on how to look at things differently.

But fast forward. When I started to sort of become like, I, I outed myself as a, emotional coach and so when I started taking people, I do a two session starter pack, which I don't do anymore, but by the second session, nine out 10 people every time would [00:19:00] say, oh my God, I got so much more out to that than I have the five years I've been in therapy.

The seven years I've been in therapy, the 10 years I've been in therapy. It happened so much, Allison, and I was like, alright, I need to hit this one. I'm going to claim, and I'm going to say, and I'm going to do this webinar called Three Reasons Why Talk Therapy is Ineffective. And it pissed a lot of people off.

'cause I'm not a therapist, but it's, but I dealt with that with some of my favorite therapists and coaches. I asked them, do I need to get a degree? And they both went, no, no. You teach what you know. You teach what you've learned, you teach what you applied, and someone's going to resonate with you or not. It's going to work or it's not going to work.

And here I am, eight years later, I have a certification. I'm writing a book about core wounds and I'm now an expert in rewiring core wound patterns. I claim it, I own it. I am not a therapist. But my clients will tell you that they spent years in therapy. One client last year, 20 years in therapy, depressed on depression medication, had breast cancer.

She was a mess. Love her. Never would've chosen me had she not met me in person. And um, and nine months later, after my rewire group last year, [00:20:00] she's like a different person and. And we did a lot of good things during that time, multiple different things in that time, but it was more nine, nine months with me was more effective than 20 years of therapy.

For her. It wasn't making her any better. So I'm saying that because everyone who is hiding behind a degree I, I am from a nutrition alternative medicine, biomechanics. Functional medicine background. As a personal trainer, I know a lot of stuff. I know a lot of science about the body, and I have for many years.

Why? 'cause I care about my body and I want to know when I hear someone who's a doctor that doesn't give me, I don't automatically go, okay, cool. You know, everything. I'm not listening for. In fact, in Western medicine, it's the opposite. I'm like, you're a doctor. I'm like now skeptical because I'm winning,

Allison: like raising an eyebrow,

JJ: right?

I'm waiting to hear. Do you talk about root cause or are you just treating symptoms? Because I'm about root cause for everything. I'm not about like my cat. One of my cats had some. sun, sun, sun cancer, um, skin cancer on his ears. And, the, I didn't go to the vet that day. My [00:21:00] fiancee took him, but she comes back and he says, she said, we can cut off part of his ear.

I said, we're not doing that. Doesn't she understand how cancer works? I was like, okay. Again, if you're Western, I like, I'm going to take it with a grain of salt. You have to prove to me. But see, that's where the kind of economy we're in right now. Doesn't matter what your degree is, you still have to prove to somebody.

And be in a re like be in resonance with them. They have to know, like, and trust you. Once they know, like, and trust you, they don't care what your degree is. They want to know what your life experience is and. I'll, I'll we'll finish with this and let you cut in. Um, for me and my audience, every time I have an event, I'll ask them, how many of you and people have been with me for like 10, 11 years?

How many of you have seen me grow in the last year? All hands go up. Why? Because I'm doing the work. I'm, I'm as real as they are. We're all on the same journey. We're all healing and growing together, and I'm putting myself into the mix. This isn't that I know everything and that I'm healed. Everything. I'm human.

And anyone that tells you differently is lying and they're not self-aware enough. So it's, I'm in the same, I've been in. This [00:22:00] similar situation that you and I are talking about right now? Not that I'm, I'm jumping ship 'cause I'm absolutely 100% in my lane about what I'm supposed to be doing. But when you are in your lane, 100%, then there's another level of fear that comes into play, which is.

Again, for me, I was, I grew up and it wasn't safe to be me. I got kicked out to my family for being me, not my mother and father, but the, the extended family. And I didn't shrink because of that, but it did stick in the back of my head. So now that I'm about ready to release this new core wound map, way of doing things, you know, and I'm going to have people who are going to say, she's not a, she's not a therapist, she's not qualified.

I know. And it's going to, it's going to happen. So, of course it makes me afraid. I'm afraid to do that, even I'm going to do it anyway. Because there are more people that need it and the people that want to be naysayers then don't read the book then don't do the work. I don't care. But for those of you, that therapy has failed.

Here's something that's been working for my clients for the last eight years.

Allison: Yeah.

JJ: So, so I address kind of both of those things. There's the, are you in the current position you're [00:23:00] in because it's your dharma, your zone of genius, your passion and your purpose are you doing or where you are because you're performing for love and thinking you were stacking up points so that you, so other people would love and respect you.

Even though if you still need think, you need a degree. You're trying to convince somebody you know something that they're, that once they get past who you are, they don't care what your degree is really, they just, they have to know, like, and trust you. And once they do that, it doesn't matter what your degree is.

And then of course, when you are in your lane and you're living your zone of genius and your drama, you have to be asked to grow in different ways. Your, your business and your book and your platform. You have to grow as a person to be able to expand and be in that bigger light, more abundance, more right energy coming in and out of your life.

Allison: Exactly, exactly. Because there's so much there, aside from the fact that there's so much going on internally for people who feel like they've outgrown and because things from the [00:24:00] outside that look successful. Right. And, and because of that. We stay in this space for longer than we really want to, even when we know something's not right, because there's something going on in internally.

And then I, I want to pause for a second too, because if you're listening and thinking, wait, that's me. You're not alone. JJs been there. I've been there. But that's also why we decided to create this masterclass because you're freaking brilliant. And if you're feeling this disconnect quietly and thinking you can't talk about it because you don't want to reveal to others that you feel disconnected.

I've, I've been there, JJ has been there. I think we've all been there where everything looks like candy and roses from the outside, but something just doesn't feel aligned anymore. And you feel like, I thought this was going to be. I feel like I had won the lottery, but [00:25:00] I got here and I'm like, huh. It's not exactly.

So if this conversation is resonating with you, we're going to go a lot deeper into this during the masterclass, especially around why this happens and what to do about it, and we'll link in show notes. and you can use the Special code to grab your free VIP ticket. Now, JJ, what actually becomes possible when we stop ignoring that feeling and start listening to the call, the call to be pulled to the next thing.

JJ: So. To add back to the first question about, 'cause it links to like, what are some of the indicators? And I said anxiety. Well, there's also, and I said thyroid issues, but it's also cancers, it's also stomach problems and digestive problems. It's also doing an addiction, being in a like feeling like you can't sleep [00:26:00] and 'cause you're in denial.

You're in denial about something that wants to emerge through you. That doesn't have a pathway, doesn't have an outlet and we need to give it an outlet. So what happens when you allow the outlet, when you, what happens when you trust that and give it space is that you feel lighter. You start to heal the body and the nervous system start to calm down.

You get excited and inspired. You're in alignment so that, so then the universe can help you by, you know, having you meet this person over here, have this opportunity open up over here. So when you get out of your own way and you, and we stop with the fear. And the trepidation and the catastrophizing and the second guessing, and we step into a place of trust and belief in ourselves, and at least a willingness to be vulnerable and go through the process.

Because, you know, no, the caterpillar to the butterfly analogy, it's still. You know, hard for the caterpillar. It's gross, it's gooey, it's not fun, you know, but then they emerge

Allison: on it. It's hard to say gooey. It's gooey, gross.

JJ: It's gooey and it's gross. Right? It isn't a, it isn't a smooth process. Right? And for those of you that are mothers, like having a child's not an easy process.

It's gooey, it's gross, [00:27:00] it's nine months. It's your whole body, you know, contorts and, you know, so any, anything, I don't say anything worth having means you have to, it's not about struggle, it's about growth. It's about expanding. It's about unlearning, quite honestly, unlearning some of the things and identifying some of the reasons why you're here in the first place.

And again, for me, that would be your core wounds. We're not going to do that necessarily in the masterclass, but I'm just going to let you know that your core wounds are beliefs that you have that you probably don't even know are there because they were literally put in your subconscious before you were seven and you didn't have a consciousness.

You're you. You just were a little person trying to survive in the world. How to get love and attention, and how to be safe. And so you made a lot of assumptions and interpretations and became beliefs, and those beliefs run your entire life, so. While that is something that is a deeper dive, there are things to do before that that can help you understand what your zone of genius, your dharma, your, your, your passion, your purpose is.

There are clues all over your life, and it's not hard to find, like in that [00:28:00] client, I said when she became a, um, a beta tester, you know, I was listening. I watched it, it all, it was very clear. It was very clear for me. That even though we were dealing with, oh, about the food and the alcohol and how to do this, and I thought, Nope, nope.

This is all about repression. She, and she's a Scorpio, so I was like, okay. She's definitely repressing and it's coming out through numbing because really her passion, her energy wants to flow in an area she is not giving herself permission to do. And it wasn't, the answer wasn't Quit your job. The answer was start doing art.

And So she did, and she was selling it, and it's now part of her passion and she's been able to heal through that. So, you know, when we, but we, it, it seems scary for us because we don't want to be, as women, we, we have this idea that we're supposed to always be liked. And that everyone's supposed to always say nice things to us, and we haven't built enough resilience and inner confidence, like real inner confidence so that you can allow someone else to have an opinion and it not affect you.

Because if you were to say to me, JJ, you seem kind of like, you're like [00:29:00] passionless, like you're lazy and you're like. Really, right. Like if you said that to me, I would laugh because I know that's not true. The only reason why I ever get triggered or anyone ever gets triggered is because the other person is saying something that you secretly agree with.

So we have to heal that in order for you to be able to listen or go, okay, cool, that isn't really about you. You're a mirror for me right now. So we hide because we don't want to get triggered. We don't want to have people, criticize us so we stay small so that we can stay safe, but it doesn't actually keep us safe.

It keeps us repressed and it keeps us depressed.

Allison: So true. And if I had a nickel for every time I hear, I don't want people to think that that's the quote is when I'm like, okay, we're going to start, we we're going to marketing, we're going to nail your position. 'Cause we want people to have access to your genius.

But that means you have to step out of the shadows. You can't be the [00:30:00] stage manager and be on stage. You, you know, you can't be toiling and also be the one, you know, owning the, the spotlight. So, but the number one thing I hear is I don't, but why? I don't, I don't want people to think that it doesn't matter.

Fill in the blank. I don't want people to think I'm too, I'm so proud. I don't want people to think that I'm doing something different. I don't want people to question, like, I don't want people to think. is No one's thinking about you, but that is fear that has been, you know, layered on top and select until you think that someone else gets to decide things for you.

And it's just fear. But boy, you know, aside from saying, you know, I you. You can't move forward unless you're able to Put [00:31:00] your, you know, like stand up and walk forward. There is something to realizing that if you want to do something more or else, you have to be okay being visible doing it. Your client who's a nurse, but also an artist, has to be able to claim publicly I'm an artist.

JJ: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Allison: And that, that is hard for, for the people I work with who, you know, are experts in their field. Maybe a, a executive leadership coach who now wants to, you know, write a book. You have to be able to say, I'm an author. And sometimes the thing we want more than anything is the hardest thing to claim because we're looking around thinking someone's going to say no.

No one is saying no.

JJ: [00:32:00] Well, okay, but let's take the scenario that maybe someone will say, no, who cares? Here's a fact, here's a fact. You are not for everyone, period. You are I not for everyone. So why are you hiding? Because the people that are looking for you can't find you because you're hiding from the ones who aren't for you anytime.

No matter how big or small you are, 10% of the people will love you no matter what you do. And on the flip side, 10% will hate you, hate you, hate you, no matter what you do. So are you going to hide from the, the 10% that are going to love you and then the, and then the 80% that need you, or at least 50% of people that possibly really, really need what you have?

What motivates me to keep going for what I do is how people's lives change with what I do, and knowing that this week. Sunday, I got an email from someone who saw me being interviewed by Dr. William Davis on YouTube. And of course we were talk, we, we are pals and we, we have episodes all the time, but I was mentioning either Date Your Body or Rewire, I don't even know.

And [00:33:00] she emailed me on Sunday, said, I just found you on YouTube. And I want to do your program. I don't even know what it is, but I need to do your program. So I said, fill out this application. And on Monday I said, I actually could meet you today. She said, yes, please, and thank you all capital letters. We had a call.

She said, how soon can I start? I said, hold on, go listen to a few more episodes first, just to make sure, like that you really let know, like, and trust me and you're ready for this, And um, and in an hour she said, okay, what do I pay in an hour? Okay. Because she was looking for what exactly what I do.

And If she hadn't found me, I mean she felt so much relief in being able to go, oh my God, this is exactly what I need. Remember that you prevent people from growing based on your zone of genius and your genius and who, what you have to offer when you are hiding from the 10% that are going to hate you. And even when you get your first hater, if you haven't gotten one already, I would say celebrate it.

Celebrate it. Because it means you're getting bigger. Oh my God, someone hates me.

Allison: So good. Yeah,

JJ: because you have to know. 'cause I've had that with my show. You have to know that if they're [00:34:00] hating you and you don't know them, it isn't about you. It's not about you anyway, but it's not about you. Like if I'm recording a podcast and someone has an issue with what I'm saying and they're all mad at me, which has happened all the time, I'm like, I don't know, you like I wasn't talking about you.

I don't even know you. How could I personally offend you? It's not, they're triggered 'cause of their wounds and what I'm saying is really triggering their wounds, which is kind of my role. I am a catalyst, so I'm not sorry, but, but. But I want you to really think about as a woman, how pro, how are you providing who you're here to serve and the gifts and talents and the information that you have for people.

If you are hiding from the 10% who may not like you, just accept it and move on. Because more haters means you're bigger. It means you are reaching a wider audience. And I'm telling you, when you get that call, it's so satisfying to know. 'cause I have some doubts I'm about to start another podcast about core wounds and I had to laugh 'cause at podcast jd, um.

John Dumas and I talked about it and I said, you know, he'd give advice to some people and say, well, if they're searching for it, like lean into it and do [00:35:00] it. And I said, John, no one's even searching it. He goes, you can do it. I believe with you, I know you can do it. You're going to, you're going to make this a change maker.

I was like, all right. So now to hear people are hearing it and going, 'cause two years ago I did this and I got crickets. But now two years later, people are like, oh, no, no, I think I need that.

Allison: Yeah.

JJ: So, but I'm committed to, I'm not committed to. My offering. I'm committed to the change, I'm committed to. What happens when people feel free, when they truly love themselves, when they are their own advocates, when they can stand up and love who they are, no matter what anyone else around you is saying.

And ultimately, that's the work.

Allison: That is absolutely the work. And it's okay to say, I'm going to do this, but then I'm going to change. So for example, when I left corporate, my big comfy corporate office. Which was nice actually, or you know, but you know, it wasn't fulfilling anymore. 'cause I had reached the top of that mountain and I started a Facebook community.

It got really popular really fast. And then two [00:36:00] years later I was like, this is sucking the life out of me. It was so much administration and posting. You know, hosting events. And then the people who were there, some of them became clients and some of them came for free stuff all the time, and that was okay, but it was still finite because you had to join the Facebook group.

So I. I read the book 10 X is easier than Two X Genius, and the next day I archived the Facebook group. 'cause I was like, this is keeping me and I, I started this podcast, or my podcast, the Author's Edge because I knew I could reach more people. 'cause I had outgrown my cocoon to use the butterfly metaphor that you so generously threw out there 'cause it was time to go bigger.

And did I do it right away? No. I had been thinking about this podcast for two years [00:37:00] and I thought about all of the obstacles that I could think of to keep me, because I'm afraid of technology and I deleted my website twice by accident, true story, and you know, and I, and like technology makes my brain shut down.

And I had a client who finally said, Allison, if I can do it, you can do it. Open a screen and let's just start it. And it was a Tuesday and by Thursday I had episodes recorded and up. And sometimes it does take someone who you trust to say, we're going to walk through this door together. And JJ, that is what you do.

That is what I do. And I, and, and I know this because my clients then say, I'm so happy. I can't believe it took me this long to find you. And, but I'm so glad I'm here now. You make everything easy, and I think, well, I don't want to do it if it's not easy, you know? It's hard. [00:38:00] God, nobody wants to do something that's hard, so we have to make this easy.

We have to we have to make it so that people can get unstuck and that women can then get themselves unstuck and move through it. I'm so excited we're doing this masterclass on April 10th, and that people can find you and find me and know that we're here for them.

JJ: I just want to mention one thing about the easy aspect.

Yes, people want it to be easy, and there is, when you're in alignment, things are easy. Ha. And as a former personal trainer, the reason why, and I, it took me way too long to let go of that because it's, I was really good at it and I had clients for like 10 years and, you know, and all the things that go along with that.

But the reason why, you know, most of us understand that if you want to. Train for a triathlon or a marathon or a, you know, whatever. You have to like do a training regimen. You have to get stronger,

Allison: right?

JJ: but you, you may not look at that as hard. It might be [00:39:00] hard physically, but you buy into it being hard 'cause you understand what's on the other side of it.

You get stronger, which means it gets easier to do these activities. Well the same thing has to apply for our emotions. When we're in an emotional healing state or growing into the next level of who we are, the concept is easy. You understand it. Just think of like, so now I'm like personal training people emotionally like, because in my rewire it isn't easy, but it isn't.

But when you understand the small stretches. But then pay, like you said, 10 x versus two x, all of a sudden your nervous system changes. All of a sudden the fears that you've been holding on for 10 years disappear. Because you did this one thing that was so stupid that made you cry and made you freak out, and then you did it and your brain went, I'm not going to die.

Oh, okay. That was easy. And now that's no longer a barrier. So I just want to, so in that,

Allison: yeah, there's a growth. There's a growth mean, I'm not saying that I have an easy button and what you want to achieve. I have clients who. New York Times Bestseller, USA Today bestseller. this book back here, duct [00:40:00] Tape and White Laws, USA today LA Times bestseller inside of one week, where a woman with no platform, this book is like flying.

And what what was hard for her was, what do I need to do? I don't know anything about publishing. What do I like? Just. Tell me which way to go. If you want to run a marathon, you don't start training the day before. That would be too hard. You do it in little bits, and you make sure that you don't take a left when you need to go straight.

That's the hard part, is knowing that you spent all that time on a detour or doing some special detox when maybe JJ would tell you, you don't. That's, that's a waste of time. You don't need to do that. What we need to do is be consistent and have a focus, and know that we have a plan and we're not going to deviate from that plan.

That's the easy part. When the, when the [00:41:00] path becomes clearer, that becomes easy.

JJ: Yes.

Allison: Hard is trying to rush and eat the whole elephant. In one sitting nobody can do that. That's

JJ: sucks or not having a plan. That's what most people do. They don't

Allison: have

JJ: a plan.

Allison: Exactly.

JJ: They don't even know what they're treating.

I have a course called The Roadmap to Emotional Healing. I put that together because everyone's trying to do the same thing and they'd go in not knowing. It's like with exercise, all people go in, they used to do Pilates and yoga and, and wonder why they're not losing a hundred pounds. I'm like, 'cause those two things are not designed to either build metabolism or, or burn calories.

So, you're doing the wrong exercise. Um, yes, there are good exercises for joints, for stability, for core strength, blah, blah, blah. They're a good addition to a program. But if that's all you. So you're doing haha yoga three times a week and wondering why you're not five sizes less. It's 'cause you're choosing the wrong exercise.

You're not, you're having expectations about what you're doing that don't match what they actually provide. And most people don't have a strategy 'cause I work with podcasters too, launching their shows and, and use these same principles on. He's on [00:42:00] a genius. What do you love talking about? What's your specialty?

What are you going to teach them? What kind of things do you have? Because that's when you become sustainable in this medium of being able to talk about something that you love. But if you come into podcasting and think, I'm just going to talk to my friends, or interview people, and you've got no plan and no strategy, just like with marketing and with visibility, then you don't know what you're achieving.

You. You can't tell if it's working or not because you had no strategy. You don't know what you're testing. So all of the together, whether it be in business, whether it be in personal, whether it be in your life, whether it be in your physicality, You need a structure, you need a strategy. You have to understand all the components that work.

But once you understand the plan, then the plan is easy and it's, and you have clarity and you feel like, oh my God, it's working. Finally something is working because I was so confused. I would try so many things and I wasn't clear as to what I was supposed to be getting from them.

Allison: Exactly. And so what, what we're going to do with this masterclass, what we offer on April 10th is getting clear about why.

Brilliant women stay invisible and [00:43:00] what you can do about it, because you don't need to stay in the spot where that, where you feel the lament and the anxiety and the exhaustion and the, and that feeling of you've outgrown and you know, 'cause you feel tight. And if, if you're feeling like that, just know we've been there and we get you and we see what you can be.

But you get to choose. That's the thing. We might see like, oh, there's growth happening here, but you get to choose where it is you end up, but only you can make that decision. I mean, I'd love to decide for everyone, but like, I don't, I can't live your life. like mine, mine is enough. Right?

JJ: Right.

Allison: Yeah. So, JJ, thank you so much. Um, we'll have the link to the masterclass in the show notes, but just so [00:44:00] we have it, it's at jjflizanes.com and then there's a, there's a

JJ: forward slash Brilliant Women

Allison: Yeah. Forward slash. Not splash. Oh my god. jjflizanes.com/brilliantwomen And then yep. Use the code. It's in the, the free code is in the show notes.

And this is good. I'm glad we're doing this. People don't talk about this enough, about all of us overachievers out there. Toiling not necessary.

JJ: No, it, and it because it, in, in the world that you and I are talking about in terms of like businesswomen, which for my show, as you guys know, this applies to all aspects of your life.

So maybe you are in a career. You know this. That's why I said, um, a couple people in my group right now, one person in particular who loved her job last year. This week was like, I want to quit my job. I don't think I should be doing this. I was like, okay. So I know that this is going to hit a lot of people [00:45:00] or someone else who's going to retire in the next three years, who's like, okay, what's next for me after that?

Um, 'cause I'm, I know I'm going to want to do something different with my time and my energy and my zone of genius. So yeah. Looking forward to seeing everybody on April 10th. Please, please join us. for those of you that are listening who are in my world, I'm Allison. Why don't you tell them a little bit about.

Just what you help people do. I know you've mentioned it throughout today's podcast, we're talking to mostly your, your audience, but let my people know what you do and what you help people with.

Allison: Yep. Um, well, thank you JJ. I appreciate that. What I help women do is figure out how to take their message bigger and become public authorities.

'cause we know you're already. A leader in your field, we know you're already a thought leader, leader. Everyone in your circle already thinks you're a big effing deal. You've already spoken at industry conferences, but what I help women do who want to go bigger is go [00:46:00] beyond their silo. If you want to write a mass market book, or you want to launch a podcast that reaches middle America outside of your industry.

You have to think bigger and you have to let go of the frameworks of approval that work inside of your industry like the, in order to get papers published. When you're a PhD, everything is peer reviewed, but you want to go mass market, nothing's peer reviewed. You don't need to cite all of your sources for you to have an opinion and start sharing it, to start writing it to get a book deal.

You need to just show that you are an authority and that takes a marketing plan about you. And as someone who led PR and marketing for Burt's Bees in the Body Shop and Unilever and Pepsi, I can tell you that most the challenge isn't [00:47:00] talent. You have talent in spades. It's that you don't have a strategy to go bigger.

And that's what I do. And you can see behind me bestseller, A DHD for Smart Ass Women Bestseller Duct Tape and White Lies Bestseller. I don't know if you could see it, but uh the Widow's Guide to Dead Bastards debuts all of them.

JJ: Nice.

Allison: These first books. So this is possible.

JJ: Awesome. Well join us on April 10th, everybody.

jjflizanes.com/brilliantwomen and you can get the code in the show notes. And uh thanks Allison